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Get over a breakup. How to survive a breakup and learn to live a happy life? How to distract yourself after breaking up with your boyfriend

The short standard phrase “let’s break up” was heard. And then - mental pain, shock, confusion, guilt. And at the same time - resentment, anger, wounded pride, especially when it turns out that the reason for the divorce was a love relationship with someone on the side. Those who have experienced a breakup with a loved one at least once in their life will probably call the moment after the breakup one of the most difficult periods in their lives. Without exaggeration, it can be considered a real mental trauma.

Description

“Suddenly” no one leaves. In the heat of the moment, after a quarrel, at the peak of emotions, a man grabs his jacket and runs to a friend, a woman packs her bag and goes to her parents. In fact, such couples do not even think about separating - the percentage of reunions after such “family hurricanes” is very high. As you know, “darlings scold - only amuse themselves”: the connection between them not only does not collapse, but also becomes stronger. The main thing is not to turn this into a system.

The most unfavorable departures according to forecasts (that is, those that put an end to family life or existing relationships) are not made rashly, but only with a sober, cool head. The decision has been made, all the pros and cons have been weighed, and an “escape” plan has been prepared. All that's left to do is to inform the now former half.

Important! Psychotherapists often hear the same phrase from these same exes: “Everything was fine with us, what was he (she) missing?”

We have to admit: a break in a relationship or separation does not happen because of the short-term insanity of one of the partners. There are good reasons for this, which for the time being the other half simply does not know about. Alas, the one who doesn’t listen enough to his partner and doesn’t try to understand him (or he simply doesn’t have time, or maybe isn’t interested) may one day find himself alone.

In fact, the only reason for a break in a relationship is the cooling of the feelings of one of the partners or both at once. Therefore, it is important to understand not the reason for the rupture, but the reason for the cooling. These most often include:

Selfishness- the basis of all problems in relationships. Unfortunately, often people, even when falling in love, think not about the feelings, state and desires of the object of their love, but about how to please themselves. When a period of difficulties and trials comes, when the need arises to take responsibility or share his problems with a loved one, the egoist instantly finds an excuse for separation.
Pride- a comprehensive concept. This personality quality gives rise to many negative character traits. In the process of communication, it greatly interferes, since a proud person requires constant evidence of special treatment from his partner. He does not know how to reconcile, does not ask for forgiveness, and never fully forgives himself. After every small disagreement or even carelessly spoken word, a residue remains in the soul of such a person. One day the volume of this sediment will displace love.
Unjustified expectations. Most often, at the very beginning of a relationship, people tend to idealize each other. Partly because they are in love and happy, and therefore there is no need to show negative traits of their character, partly because they want to make the best possible impression on their partner. However, you cannot always remain in this state - sooner or later everyone’s personality will manifest itself in all its colors. It is then that you can hear this famous: “Have you changed...”
Did not get along. A universal formulation to explain the reasons for any separation. It combines not only all the reasons listed above, but also those that are difficult to even formulate. If people were more frank, they would say instead of this phrase something like: “Thank you, I’ve played enough” or “I’ve had enough of this, I want something new.”

Types of breakups

Parting with a loved one can be divided into 12 main types:

Let's remain friends
This is the best option if both follow it. Then you can communicate normally, meet at events and even correspond without trying to look for hidden hints.
A lot of time has passed
You both waited too long to end your relationship. And both leave with a smile.
We've never met properly
This is an option for a short relationship, when you have not had time to cultivate feelings and make plans. It’s more likely not a breakup, but a feeling that you weren’t right for each other.
Break in the distance
If you already saw each other twice a year, reducing this figure to zero is unpleasant, but not too difficult. Moreover, the absence of a partner nearby makes the pain weaker.
Repeated break
You've already separated once. Then they came back together as if nothing had happened. But someone must eventually be the first to admit that the scheme still doesn’t work.
It's not about you, it's about me
This is not what you want to hear! But he's trying to give you straws, so it all looks quite plausible.
Let's divide everything, it's a scam
Classic breakup. You are both angry, tired and forgetful about your feelings. You divide everything in half, including your friends, and never want to see each other again. But sometimes you still appear in each other’s lives, although it would be better not to.
I'm leaving
You are both good people, but something didn't work out. One leaves, the second does not follow. A normal option if there are not many joint obligations.
I've grown above myself, now I'm better than you
For example, one of you lost weight, started making a lot of money, or simply realized something new in life. This is similar to option number eight, but is usually complemented by emphasizing these same victories and terrible behavior before the breakup.
You're the wrong person
Most likely, there was betrayal, you no longer belong to each other. The surprise factor, of course, adds to the disappointment.
Break by SMS
It may be accompanied by any other option described. One person wants to break up with another, but is embarrassed or does not want to say it out loud. At first you can answer that the joke is not funny, but then you realize that it is not a joke at all.
Ghost
Everything ends unexpectedly. It feels like nothing ever happened. And no one. You don't know what happened. Maybe he died. Either the phone is broken or your number is missing. Not a single reason.

Why are we worried?

Every person at his very core is a social being. From the moment we are born, we are surrounded by other people - parents, brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts. They help raise a child in society, adapt to it, become imbued with ideas and general rules of behavior.

As a person grows up, he takes on more and more responsibilities. However, at the same time, he strives to create comfortable psychological conditions for himself - to find a mate. And even if the relationship does not work out as expected, certain hopes and dreams were still associated with it. Of course, this applies more to representatives of the fair half of humanity. Since childhood, they have imagined the most important day in their lives - a wedding.

Important! Men also, tying themselves into an alliance, make plans for the future. And if a relationship becomes obsolete, they perceive it quite painfully.

Parting with a loved one is naturally accompanied by deep depression. Not everyone can cope with it in a few days or even months. Sometimes you need the help of a specialist.

Not everyone is able to understand that they have developed a mental disorder such as depression. This is a common human reaction to experienced stress, only expressed in a stronger form. Attachment, it would seem, to a loved one with whom you have lived for several years is not expressed openly by everyone. As well as negative emotions from parting with him.

So, if the suffering experienced, in general, does not interfere with the usual course of life, does not affect the ability to work and appetite, most likely, no emotional disturbance is observed. You just need to wait a little until the situation becomes more stable.
Whereas severe depression manifests itself as follows:

constant depression - emotions are at a negative level every day, there is a desire to cry and feel sorry for oneself;
Previously beloved and enjoyable work and hobbies have lost their attractiveness and ceased to bring positive emotions;
Outwardly, a person also changes - he stops taking care of himself, it simply becomes difficult for him to wash his face or comb his hair again, or change clothes;
those around you begin to notice strange behavior - periods of feverish activity are replaced by complete apathy and indifference, emotions can change from one extreme, for example, euphoria, to the other - “falling into the abyss”, when it is not far from suicide.

No matter how people try to protect themselves from all the negativity that they will experience during a breakup, it is not so easy to do. When a relationship breaks down, it leads to a revision of values, beliefs and beliefs. People's worldviews, their views on family and relationships are changing.

Important! Some not only stop believing in themselves, but they also lose their sense of goodwill and fairness towards the entire world around them. Instead, they develop rigid beliefs that betrayal is the worst thing that can happen in a relationship.

Even when meeting good candidates for starting a family, people extremely rarely initiate relationships. Moreover, they may suffer from loneliness, but their internal unpreparedness for a new relationship prevents them from taking the first step. This feature can be seen especially clearly among men.

Women usually approach this issue more calmly. Although representatives of the fairer sex often experience emotional dependence on their previous partner, which also prevents them from considering the men around them.

Stages of accepting the situation

Getting over a breakup is difficult. It is difficult not only to realize and accept the fact that you are no longer together with your loved one, but it is also unbearably difficult to cope with the pain of a breakup.

But breaking up is a process. And like any process, separation has stages through which a person goes. There is a common expression: “time heals.” But it is not time that heals, but the correct passage through all the necessary stages of living through a separation. In the case of normal living of all stages, a person after some time comes to his senses and returns to life. If fixation occurs at some stage or the stage was lived incorrectly, then you can suffer for a long time.

There are 6 typical stages:

How to get rid of pain?

A break in a relationship is always a heavy blow for both partners, but if your loved one initiated the breakup, get ready to fight for yourself, this is how you should perceive this situation. Psychologists have calculated that the most difficult period after a breakup is approximately the first 6 weeks, but this time can be significantly reduced if you clearly understand the fact that everything is over once and for all.

To alleviate suffering, you should follow simple tips:

It’s hard to be alone with grief, and the “recovery” will be very long. There is no need to isolate yourself. Share your troubles with as many people as possible. In psychoanalysis this is called the method of dispersing grief. As a result, you will soon feel that your soul is not so heavy. Ask your friends for help. The main thing is to cry. A friend, of course, will listen and try to advise something, but sometimes it is better to consult a psychologist.
If you are a closed person and find it difficult to share your problems, keep a diary; this is a great way to get rid of intrusive memories, grievances, and relieve yourself of the full weight of the present moment. And not only is this an ideal interlocutor to help you get through a breakup, you will be able to better understand the problem by putting it on paper. All your torment and offended feelings, at least once committed to paper, become a thing of the past. The described emotions cease to weigh heavily on the soul and gradually release. You seem to be freed and regain the ability to control yourself and your experiences.
Sit in front of the mirror and talk to yourself about your grief. Psychologists say that such therapy is quite effective in relieving stress. By the way, it is better to finish training in front of a mirror with exercises in the art of facial expressions. A couple of good faces in front of the mirror will improve your mood; your task is to prove to yourself that the problem is not serious.
Immerse yourself in your work. Here it is, a magical remedy that helps from any troubles - work! It will help you get over the breakup quickly. Work helps when it’s really hard and you want to take your mind off your problems. And of course, work, as a psychotherapeutic tool, has one undeniable advantage over all others: they pay for it.
For some reason we forget about the inevitable connection between our soul and our body and that sometimes we need to push the body to make our soul feel lighter. This means work until exhaustion. It doesn't matter what it is: running, aerobics, rearranging the room, doing laundry furiously or scrubbing the floors with a toothbrush. Sometimes it’s worth shouting or roaring, or maybe breaking something, it’s worth giving free rein to your emotions, they need to be released so that they don’t destroy you from the inside.
Doctors believe that sport is a very good way to cope with stress. Get over yourself and go to the gym. Nature also heals - take a walk in the park or go to the forest. Watch your favorite movie, re-read your favorite book. Dress smartly even if you intend to spend the evening at home. You can, of course, visit friends and various parties. Make life eventful.
Proper nutrition helps in the fight against depression. It’s only in movies that boxes of chocolates help heroines; in fact, if you want to say goodbye to depression as quickly as possible, give up all kinds of spices and sweets. Juices, mineral water, vegetables, a variety of fruits - you need all this, but neurosis cannot last long without red wine and cakes.
Take up meditation; what can help you is not endless streams of tears, but a state of relaxed peace and tranquility, when recovery processes proceed 2-3 times faster than during sleep.

What not to do?

Think your life is over
The most unhappy person in this world, no one will ever love you again in your life, nothing good will happen to you anymore, life has lost its meaning. And the result is tears, a swollen face, and wasted time that could have been spent on something more useful.
Discuss it
Talk about what a bastard he is and how many shortcomings he has. Or, on the contrary, praise and tell everyone how wonderful he is, where can you find someone like that now. What's the point of living in the past?
accept consolation
Don’t let anyone feel sorry for you, sympathize and empathize, and get into your soul in every possible way. Such sympathy only reawakens sad thoughts and memories.
Keep his things
He gave you this postcard for the month they met, he forgot this shirt when he spent the first night with you, and in this photo you two are so happy... Out of sight, out of mind. Collect everything that even indirectly reminds you of him in a large box and mercilessly throw it away.
Wait for him to return
Suddenly he will understand that there is no one better in the world than you, and how much he loves you. Therefore, you need to sit at home and wait for him to arrive. Get on with your life and don't waste your time.
Blame him for everything
To harbor plans for revenge in your soul, to cultivate resentment and hatred within yourself. And even more so, out of a sense of revenge, you shouldn’t go to bed with the first person you meet. This will definitely not bring him back, and you will have to deal with the consequences of such casual relationships, both moral and possible physical.
Pour over your grief
Whether it’s ten bottles of beer on a bench in the park or a couple of explosive cocktails at a party – the essence is the same. Not only can this have a detrimental effect on your health and well-being, but you can also lose control of yourself. And the consequence will be drunken night calls to your ex-lover.

"Let's remain friends"

According to psychologists, the most difficult thing for a person is to let go and forget a loved one, and especially for the weaker half of humanity. This is how a girl is made that she cannot refuse someone who has been there for a long time, helped, with whom she experienced the happiest moments, communicated and whom she loved, even if this person changed, hurt her and even betrayed her.

Is friendship possible after love? If yes, then why? It is difficult to find a definite answer to this question, because everything depends on the specific situation. In any case, before you decide to be friends with your ex, you need to understand yourself, understand whether you still have feelings, and whether there is any point in continuing communication.

There are several specific cases in which friendship between ex-lovers becomes impossible. Here are the most common situations.

One of the partners continues to experience passion and tenderness. There is such wisdom that says that the one who still loves wants to remain friends. There is some truth to it, so you need to be careful if your ex offers to be friends. By agreeing, you risk sowing false hope in the person that the previous relationship will be restored. Such a “friend” will constantly look for ways to please, hoping to return lost love. If the guy doesn’t get what he wants, then all the emotions accumulated in the soul, in particular anger and resentment, can spill out and hurt you. In addition, he will be secretly jealous of other friends or behave impulsively. Because of this, the girl will not be able to quickly build a new relationship. Why try to cement friendship with a dangerous “volcano”? Usually such a case ends in failure, so it is better to stop communicating immediately if you are sure that you have definitely stopped loving this person, but he still hopes for something more.
One of the partners has not yet forgiven the other and holds a grudge in his heart. If the guy initiated the breakup, then the girl probably has every reason to be offended and even angry with him. However, you should not pretend that everything is wonderful and try to answer him with politeness. If you have not yet forgiven your ex-lover, then there can be no talk of any friendship!
A girl who agrees to be friends with her ex must completely get rid of negative emotions towards him. Otherwise, such a friendship will become painful for her, it will cause pain.

Many girls consider friendship with an ex to be completely acceptable. It seems to them that this is a common thing, that everyone does this.

Like any area of relationships, the friendship of once lovers is fraught with many advantages. There are several reasonable advantages:

Understanding. Thanks to past relationships, the couple learned to find a common language.
Emotional support. Having gone through many difficulties together, people get to know each other well. Friendship with such a person becomes strong and safe.
Opportunity to communicate on frank topics.
Such friendship can be very beneficial in the good sense of the word. For example, an ex-lover can help out at the right moment: walk the dog, pick you up from the airport, or lend you money.

Of course, a girl should remember that friendship with an ex-boyfriend is a double-edged sword. There are disadvantages to such relationships. For example, jealousy and resentment. When an ex-boyfriend, and now just a “friend,” begins to build a new relationship before your eyes, the thought may appear in your head: “Why her? How is it better? We communicate so well! We don't need anyone!

Pros of breakups

They say it's better to love and lose love than never love at all, but don't say that to someone you've just dumped. Breaking up is always difficult, even if you are the initiator. But when someone dumps you, it feels like the end of the world and you think you'll never get over it.

But breakups aren't really that bad. Sometimes it can be the best thing that happens to you, and if you don't believe it, ask anyone who has been in a bad relationship if it's true.

Here's what you need to remember:

You're not a failure just because your relationship failed.
This can be hard to accept because society instills in us the idea of “successful person = successful relationship.” But that's not true. A relationship that ends in a breakup does not make you a failure. It just means they weren't right for you. We don’t blame ourselves for the fact that some shoes don’t suit us - that would be stupid. So why beat yourself up over a relationship that wasn't right for you?
You're not a failure if you're lonely
Being single doesn't mean you're not good enough or that you're unlovable. Some of the most successful people in history were single for most of their lives. They say Isaac Newton died a virgin. Oprah Winfrey was alone for a long time. Writer Jane Austen never married. Do you understand?
Breaking up makes room for someone or something better
You can't date someone better if you're already in a relationship, right? And it is very likely that you will find at least one person who will love you more, who will be a better fit. And if not, that's not a problem either. There are many hobbies, opportunities, and work options that can fill your life.
You're more likely to suffer because of what could have been, not because of what was.
Losing opportunity and potential is usually much more painful than realizing the harsh truth of a breakup. Ask yourself, are you suffering because you lost the chance to get married, or because your partner cheated on you? Once you realize that you are sad because of the future that has not happened, you will realize how many new opportunities actually open up for you after a breakup.
Or maybe the person you loved never existed
This is especially true in toxic, abusive relationships where one partner—like the woman—stayed because she wanted the loving guy he was in the beginning. But it was his mask. Think about whether this describes your situation?
Now you can do things you couldn't do in a relationship.
What your partner didn't like but you liked is now freely available. Wear the clothes you want, eat what you want, watch and listen to what you like. Isn't this wonderful?
If you did everything you could for the relationship, but it didn’t work out, it means it’s not meant to be
Stop tormenting yourself about what you could have done to save the relationship. Unless you are directly to blame for your breakup, then you couldn’t change anything. Everything is as it should be.
You don't have to go through a breakup alone.
Feel free to talk about your feelings with friends and family. Breaking up is not shameful, it is not a solitary experience. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
Most if not all of the pain will go away
Even if this person was everything to you, you will be surprised how unimportant it will all be in a few years. Time really is a powerful healer and while it may not make you feel better now, it is the truth about how you will feel in the future.
Breaking up is an experience to learn from.
This is an opportunity to understand what you don’t want in your partner, how you shouldn’t behave in a relationship, what needs to be changed. Take the breakup as an opportunity to learn something so you can be a better partner in your next relationship.
Breaking up will help you soberly evaluate your relationship
You'll be surprised how often women who have been in abusive relationships only realize the horror after they break up. This gives time and space to evaluate everything soberly. And in a few months you may wonder how you could ever be together with that person.

Is this possible, are there rules for separation? Of course, everything is very individual. But there are common stages that all couples go through when they decide to separate. And, if you go through these stages with the least losses, then the wound from the loss of a loved one will heal, and life will go on.

For women

Help yourself get rid of the obsessive thoughts that are spinning in your head. Put everything that comes to mind on paper. Don't worry about the beauty of the syllable and commas, just write everything that bothers you. In addition to this, the following tips will help you forget your ex:

Give yourself time to heal
Don't push yourself, don't rush - it may take quite a lot of time. There is nothing wrong with tears and bitter memories, but don’t let them turn you into a recluse who constantly sits at home and grieves over unfulfilled hopes.
Try to keep yourself busy with something all the time
There should not be a minute of free time in your daily schedule. In order to survive a breakup, anything will do: another job, charity, a hobby.
Exercise and go on a diet
In addition to the influx of endorphins, fitness classes will help you make new acquaintances among gym goers. Plus, fitness and diet will not only improve your appearance, but also increase your self-esteem.
Make an effort and meet new people
Take a walk in the park, go to a concert, a club, a movie - there you can make a couple of meaningless acquaintances. Let your social circle expand - this will give you the opportunity to spend time with those who have no idea about your “ex”.
Seek help from professionals
There is no shame in seeing a psychologist or psychotherapist. If you are not satisfied with a stranger as a psychotherapist, contact a friend who is a professional psychologist, take a couple of online tests, and chat in Internet forums. You will definitely feel better.
Surround yourself with family and friends
If your relationships with family and friends have suffered significantly due to the fact that you devoted most of your time to your “ex,” then now is the best time to restore old connections.
Focus on yourself
Most of the energy went into the furnace of relationships, and now is the time to focus exclusively on yourself. Take baths, go for a massage, facial, manicure and pedicure, go shopping, read a tearful romance novel, where the main character, with the light hand of the author, is tormented by the question “how to survive a breakup with a loved one?”, or watch a stupid television series.
Strengthen yourself spiritually
For some, visiting church helps, some prefer to open the chakras, some practice meditation, and some even meditate in the lap of nature. A reassessment of values is just around the corner.
Help others
Advise something to a friend who is also going through a breakup with a man, only she feels a hundred times worse. Helping someone who is going through a painful breakup can help you stop feeling sorry for yourself and focus your attention on the other person.

For men

In order to understand how to survive a breakup with your girlfriend, it is important to accept this fact itself. You broke up and that can't be changed. You need to humble yourself and not entertain false hopes. There is no point in thinking that you could fix the situation.

A relationship is always about two people, and responsibility lies with both. It is important to understand your mistakes so that next time, with another girl, you can do everything differently. But let what is already over remain in the past. Imagine that your love is a crystal ball that you held together with your girlfriend. When one person gives up, the ball breaks. There is no point in gluing the pieces together.

Simple tips can help at this stage:

Burn the bridges
If you have finally decided to break up, it is best to reduce communication to zero. In the future, you can chat if you want. But now you just need to get over the breakup. And it will be very difficult to realize that you have broken up if you continue to chat on the phone or on social networks, meet with mutual friends, or go somewhere together. An abrupt breakup is preferable to a painful, slow breakup. Remove all contacts so that you don’t make a mistake in a moment of weakness. This will only prolong the agony. If it is impossible to completely stop communication, then reduce it to the necessary minimum.
Get rid of reminders
Try to remove out of sight anything that will remind you of your ex-girlfriend. We are talking about her things, gifts, photographs together. Don't listen to music or watch movies that are associated with your relationship.
New impressions
Switch to something else, get a charge of positive emotions from new hobbies, go on at least a short trip. Try to do what will make you happy. You need this now.

Undoubtedly, unfulfilled plans and betrayal of a loved one cannot pass painlessly. But a psychologist’s advice on how to survive the pain of separation will help minimize destructive feelings and restore emotional calm.

You shouldn’t put on a mask and act as if nothing happened when you feel really bad. Such behavior will not lead to anything good, because negative emotions and unshed tears accumulate, and at one point they can result in terrible depression. Therefore, you need to give free rein to your emotions, not isolate yourself from relatives and friends, give them the opportunity to show sympathy and support.
After this difficult period, the time will come to think about yourself. You should start with general cleaning of the apartment. You need to collect all the gifts and things that remind you of your ex and throw them away.
It is important to be able to distract yourself from negative thoughts associated with unjustified hopes. According to psychologists, 90% of all experiences are associated not with the very fact of parting with a loved one, but with overthinking oneself. You cannot allow destructive thoughts and feel sorry for yourself. Remember that this is life, and everything happens in it.
Treat yourself. You shouldn't be afraid to experiment. For starters, you can try changing your image or wardrobe. A new look is great therapy.
You cannot fence yourself off from the rest of the world and withdraw into yourself. On the contrary, it will be much more useful to try to pay more attention to daily work responsibilities. Psychologists recommend that during this difficult period you should constantly be with people, in the company of relatives and friends. This will make it easier to distract yourself from negative thoughts.
A great option is to go on a trip. People experiencing a separation from a loved one or a painful divorce return to their usual way of life much faster if they managed to change their environment. It is very useful to relax, visit new places, find interesting hobbies. Such measures will help you say goodbye to the past and begin a new stage in life.
For someone going through a painful breakup with a loved one, focusing on good deeds and actions can be an excellent therapy. Those who commit them increase their self-esteem and make new acquaintances and friends. You don’t need to perform great feats, it’s enough to just help someone close, make a donation to an orphanage, buy groceries for a lonely grandmother living next door.
Give yourself a gift that will bring you pleasure. You can sign up for a massage, buy a ticket to a concert of your favorite musical group, or come up with something else that will bring a lot of positive emotions.
Keeping a diary will be a very useful activity where you can write down all your feelings and emotions. This way you will be able to get rid of stress and worries that only complicate life.
You can try playing sports or switch to creativity. Anger, bitterness, and resentment can be thrown out on a punching bag. Perhaps someone would instead prefer to engage in art therapy, transferring their experiences to a sketchbook.
To ease your condition, you can remember all the bad things this person did to you. Try to refresh your memory of those moments when your lover offended you. Such unpleasant pages of your life together will give you the opportunity to think about whether your ex was the person you really needed?

Love is one of the most exciting, rewarding and enjoyable human experiences. Whether it is the love of family, friends, children or romantic love, it is still a common human adventure. You can climb to the very top of love, but the falls can be much more painful, especially when it comes time to let your loved one go. Whether it's the moment when you have to let him go because it's time to move on, or it's time to move on to another relationship, pain cannot be avoided. You have to go through the sadness of what was lost, but time heals all. Be aware of your emotional boundaries, but don't isolate yourself to allow someone to come and heal you from your loss.

Steps

Sorrow

Accept the five stages of grief. These stages can rather be described as cycles. Perhaps some stages will pass you by, and some may consume you. At the same time, there is a possibility that you will go through these stages more than once. We are talking about the following:

Denial and isolation. This stage includes the denial of reality. This is a natural reaction when suppressing the pain caused by the pain of loss.
Anger. This stage occurs after you become aware of your rejection. Anger may be directed at inanimate objects, strangers, family, or friends. You may be angry at the person who died or moved away, but then feel guilty for being angry.
Bargain. At this stage, you may feel that it is time to take back control of your life and get out of your state of helplessness. You may worry that you should have been a better person than you are, or that you should have gotten help, and so on.
Depression. This stage will bring only sadness and regret that comes with the realization that the loved one is truly gone. You may feel depressed, cry, and so on.
Adoption. This stage can be characterized as achieving a state of calm and humility. Some people never get to this stage of grief.

Acknowledge your grief. This relationship essentially died. So, it's normal to feel like the most important person in your life has died. You have the right to feel loss. Let the waves of grief wash over you, but not so much that they consume you. Don't fight them. Take it for granted that these are just waves of emotions that will pierce you with electricity for some time, while you will feel better and better. Grieving is part of healing.
- Even if no one in your life knows how you feel, you can still acknowledge your pain just for yourself. When you're feeling down, take a moment and tell yourself, “I'm sad and that's okay. It makes it better."
EXPERT ADVICE

Family psychotherapist

Family psychotherapist

Pain is a sign that your feelings were true. Alvina Louis, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says, “Who would really want to be in a relationship that was so meaningless and superficial that it didn't even cause the pain of loss when it ended? This is absurd, and people with this type of thinking are driven by the desire to avoid pain.”

If necessary, seek professional help. If you are concerned that your pain is developing into something less than healthy, or that you are becoming depressed, seek help from a professional. A therapist will help you understand your loss and determine whether you are depressed.
- For more detailed information, read our article “How to get rid of depression”.
- Talking to a therapist may be helpful even if you are not depressed. A specialist will help you understand how to cope with the pain of loss.
Trust time
1. Promise yourself not to rush. The old saying goes: time heals all wounds, and it's true. However, healing has everything to do with being aware of your emotions and giving yourself time. We want to deal with it as quickly as possible, but in the end, a quick cure is powerless where love was. Take time to heal and don't rush.
  
  EXPERT ADVICE
  
  Family psychotherapist
  Alvina Louis is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in relationship counseling. She received her master's degree in psychotherapy from Western Seminary in 2007 and has been a certified marriage and family therapist for over 7 years.
  
  Family psychotherapist
  
  The pain of loss does not go away overnight. Marriage and family therapist Alvina Louis adds: “Are you in a hurry to forget everything because you feel weak? Abnormal or even obsessive? People who know how to love deeply are braver than those who close themselves off from such feelings. They are cowards, obsessed with the fear of experiencing pain, they miss out on a lot. When you open your heart and love, losing your partner always hurts. This is what makes love so beautiful.”
  
  Live for today. Conquer the top of time in small steps. You can put all your long-term goals on pause. Today, dedicate yourself to what needs to be done only today.
  
  Celebrate small victories. You may still experience pain, but you will soon feel it subsiding. And this will be a serious step towards healing. It will only get better.
  
  Allow yourself to think about something positive. Find a balance between allowing yourself to grieve and experience joy. Once the wave of sadness has passed, give yourself a moment (maybe just a moment) to hear your feelings. Then direct your thoughts to something more positive.
  - For your information, it’s completely normal to laugh when you’re sad. This is how the revaluation of emotions occurs. Whether you believe it or not, your emotions are doing exactly what they are supposed to do. However, sometimes this process is delayed and turns into depression, and in this case it is no longer possible to do without professional help.
Memories of relationships
1. Evaluate your feelings soberly. Once the initial pain of the loss has passed, look back at the relationships you had. Start by recognizing what happened. If you have lost love due to death and are trying to move on with your life, you may realize that you have idealized your relationship with your loved one. Look back, and perhaps you will see that everything was not as perfect as you thought during the period when you were together. Remembering imperfect moments will not disgrace the person’s memory. On the contrary, you will remember a real and genuine person. If there was love between you, then part of what made your love so special was the moments you spent together and the way you overcame the differences between you.
  - Don't put a dead person on a pedestal. By elevating your partner, you will not love him more and you will not be able to move on, and this is probably not what he would want for you.
  - This also applies if the loss is relative, that is, the person did not die. Your relationship wasn't perfect. Otherwise you wouldn't try to move on. Even if your partner, not you, made the decision to leave, it still indicates weakness in the relationship, and that's okay.
2. Be honest about the quality of your relationship. Your relationship, like most, has likely been full of ups and downs. If you didn't initiate the breakup, you may feel like you're idealizing your other half. It's okay to look back and remember the good times. But it's important to be realistic. Surely there have been some bad times in your relationship.
  - Appreciate the positive aspects of the relationship and how the other person made you who you are today.
3. Become aware of aspects that may have been holding you down. It's important to acknowledge what brings out the worst in you. This doesn't mean the other person was bad. But perhaps this way you can understand that not everything was so smooth in your relationship.
  - Once you identify the toxic elements in your relationship, you will appreciate the chance to cleanse yourself. This will give you the opportunity to work on yourself and learn to avoid the same mistakes in future relationships. This will help you put things in order in your thoughts and move on calmly.
4. Don't dwell on the bad moments. It's important to be honest about your past relationship and the other person so you can let it go and move on. But it's also important to avoid badmouthing the other person, even if they treated you poorly. Dwelling on the past is dangerous.
  - If you allow yourself to think about negative things or dwell on the bad, your emotional connection with that person may become stronger, making it harder to let them go. In fact, your love may turn into resentment. It won't free your heart from that person. This will only rid him of your kindness. You deserve to be completely free, so be careful about giving him even a small corner of your heart, even if only to hurt feelings.
Chat with other people
1. Build relationships with your close circle. Isolation is normal for a short period of time. But the main thing is not to distance yourself from your immediate environment for a longer period. They love you and need to make sure you're okay. They know you better than even you sometimes know yourself. They can help you get back to your best self.
  - These people know how to be quiet with you and know when to push you and have fun. They know how to make you laugh, and they can lend a shoulder when you need to cry. You don't have to trust everyone, but open up to those closest to you.
  - They will also help you cope with your feelings if they become depressed and you need professional help.
2. Set boundaries in conversation. Your friends and family may broach the subject of that person without understanding what you are trying to combat. Letting your friends know that you want to change the subject is completely normal. Just be honest and let them know you still need time. Be specific about what is hurting you and what you would like to avoid for a while longer.
  
  Set communication boundaries. It is important to feel your pain threshold and protect yourself. You may agree to remain friends with your ex-passion, but friendly calls are very painful. Be honest about how you feel. You need to step away for a while until your wounds heal.
  
  Accept invitations from friends. Chances are, you have colleagues, classmates, or even friends and family members who simply aren't among your closest ones. They may not be among those with whom you are willing to share your secrets, but they all also play a certain role in your life. A colleague invited you to lunch? Don't refuse, let him be carefree and friendly, take your mind off worldly worries with him.
  - Such support usually takes place within established limits. Try to avoid personal conversations and have fun, superficial chatter. And yes, your friend is unlikely to like it if you start posting all your worries during a 30-minute lunch break.
3. Let new people into your life. This is not replacing a person who has left. More like moving forward. As you notice that your pain is becoming less and less palpable, you will find yourself thinking less about the person who left your life. It's time to open up to new people. Meeting new people is always interesting.
  - You are under no obligation or obligation to date in order to move forward. Even the thought of it probably scares you right now. So let's stop for a minute and think about this. Instead of diving headfirst into a new relationship, try finding new friends. Friendship can develop in the most amazing forms. Sometimes friendship develops into something more and moves to the stage of a romantic relationship. Meet new people, build relationships, and who knows, maybe soon a friend will become your new partner.
Expressing yourself
1. Don't suppress your emotions. Sometimes emotions are overwhelming and cause a person to become silent. Don't be silent about what's bothering you. Discuss your concerns with a family member, friend, therapist, or clergy member.
  - Sharing personal things can be difficult. In this case, you can contact a psychotherapist or spiritual mentor. Sometimes what we feel can be difficult to parse. In this case, an outsider can help you by objectively assessing the situation and asking the right questions to untangle your thoughts without giving their own opinion.
  - It is important to just start talking and not get hung up on your thoughts. Until thoughts take the form of words, it is not possible to support or correct them.
2. Write a letter to that person. Write a letter to your loved one. Then throw it away to prove to yourself that you are letting it go. For some people, this helps them experience the catharsis that marks the end of everything. Think about what might help you let go of this person. The letter method is more suitable for those who have been abandoned.
  - You may prefer to write a message on a balloon and release it into the sky.
  - Another option would be to launch sky lanterns with words of love. Release them for the one you loved.
3. Change for yourself. Changing even the smallest part of your life will help refresh it and remind you that life is still interesting. Rearrange the furniture. Get a new haircut. Take different routes to work. Eat dessert first. Whatever you change in your life, no matter how small, you will feel good about it. Yes, it may only lift your spirits for a short time, but that's all it takes to remind yourself that you can still smile and enjoy yourself life.
Move on with your life

No matter how magical a couple's relationship may be. be it husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend, no one guarantees that the fairy tale will last forever. Often, one far from perfect day, one of the partners utters the fatal phrase: “We need to break up, I’m leaving forever,” and you lose your love. How to cope with a breakup with dignity? How can you help a loved one cope with such a loss? We'll tell you in this article.

Why is it so difficult to get over a breakup?

Most people believe that the initiator of the breakup usually has a much easier time coping with the breakup. It is he who makes a difficult decision, manages to get used to it, and sometimes already has in mind a worthy replacement, from his point of view.

However, the question of how to survive a breakup is asked by both former lovers, regardless of gender and who exactly suggested ending the relationship.

How to get over a breakup with your boyfriend or husband? Girls and women, as a rule, have a hard time and find it more difficult to come to terms with loss. Often, when thinking about how to survive a breakup with a loved one, a girl is still far from realizing that the breakup is final and her ex-lover or husband will not return. This “waiting mode” - “what if he comes back to me” exhausts the nerves much more than the separation itself.

Pain, bitterness, disappointment and... emptiness - everyone who experiences a break in their relationship with their husband has to face these unpleasant sensations, especially if they were long and intense. Accustomed to spending a lot of time with a loved one, it is difficult for a person to quickly find a worthy “replacement” that can fill the gap.

5 stages of accepting the inevitable

In the second half of the last century, E. Kübler-Ross, a psychotherapist from the USA, developed a conditional system, which has now become known as the “5 stages of accepting the inevitable” or “5 stages of understanding loss.” This system is used in modern psychology, including for situations related to the loss of relationships and betrayal:

It is possible to overcome separation and betrayal - this is one of those tests that life presents to almost everyone. Of course, many (especially men) prefer the classic “Russian” method - a friendly binge. However, this only helps to forget for a while and drown out the pain, which will return over time. To make it easier to cope with a breakup, it is recommended to take the advice of psychologists.

Don't live on memories

Memories of the past literally kill the future. Of course, there were many good and happy moments in the lost relationship, but there was also negativity. However, you should not devote all your time to “rewinding” episodes from the past in your thoughts and resurrecting relationships that have already been lost forever. This is not only pointless, but also harmful - such thoughts fuel depression.

Some psychologists recommend making a list of the negative traits and qualities of your ex-partner (spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend) in order to find something good in the breakup with this person. However, this approach seems illogical, as it fuels the aggression stage. There is no need to look for disadvantages in the one who gave his warmth and love, even if he no longer does this.

A much more sensible option is gratitude. You don't have to express it personally. It is enough to mentally thank you for all the good things that happened in life thanks to your ex-lover, wish him a good journey in his future life and close this topic. The past, good or bad, must remain the past.

Get rid of negative emotions

After separation and betrayal, you need to be prepared for the fact that the memory will periodically immerse a person in memories of happy moments or, on the contrary, resurrect not the most pleasant episodes and events. It's quite normal. There is no need to get angry and try to get the lost relationship out of your head. As well as trying to drown out negative emotions towards yourself, your ex-lover or the situation in general.

Emotions, even negative ones, will need to be lived and felt. They are like a kind of tribute to the past. Only by paying it off in full does a person become truly free from the past, which means a new stage begins in life and there is room for new events, acquaintances, and relationships. To get rid of negative emotions, psychologists advise:

Chat with friends and family

How to survive a separation from your husband or boyfriend, wife or girlfriend? Realizing that a dear person, on his own initiative, abandoned his “soul mate” is difficult and painful. Feeling bad in such a situation is normal. However, this is not a reason to lock yourself within four walls and suffer alone.

The closest people - friends and relatives - will help you cope with the pain of loss, anger and resentment. It's time to call your mom or dad and spend a soulful evening with your family. The next day, contact an old girlfriend or friend and organize an exciting adventure together - in a cheerful company there is no place for bad thoughts, they go away on their own, as does the feeling of emptiness.

Set yourself up for happiness and new relationships

Psychologists say that a positive inner attitude is very important - not only how a person perceives himself, but also the perception of his personality by others depends on it. If a woman, deep down in her heart, is still waiting for the return of her former lover, she unconsciously blocks all options for a new relationship, because, from her point of view, she remains unfree.

To tune in to a positive wave, to literally force yourself to believe that even without a lost relationship there is every chance of finding your happiness - this is real, you just need to want it.

Those around her feel the readiness for new relationships subconsciously, and if a girl is open to communication, strives to find love and find happiness, her dreams will definitely come true.

How to survive the severity of a breakup after a long relationship?

The end of a long-term relationship is always more painful than the end of a light fling. The main cure for mental pain in such situations is time.

As the heroine of one popular TV series said, to forget a man, it will take half the time you spent together. Of course, if we are talking about several years, you don’t want to wait that long, and there’s no need.

Those who have successfully experienced a breakup after a long-term relationship often share their experiences on forums, blogs, social networking pages and simply in private conversations. All stories are individual and unique, but psychologists have compiled a list of the most common behavior patterns that can help many women and men who have been abandoned by a loved one:

How to help a child cope with a breakup with a loved one?

It is always difficult for parents to see their child in pain. I would like to provide support to my son or daughter to survive a breakup with a loved one. Unfortunately, during this difficult period, many fathers and mothers make a number of critical mistakes, of course, with the best intentions, and subsequently it becomes difficult to achieve a trusting relationship with the child. It is very important to follow these recommendations:

Listen silently. If your daughter or son decides to talk about their experiences, you need to listen in silence. That is, say absolutely nothing. No memories of your own experience (how you survived a similar situation), useful advice, comparisons, especially sarcasm or barbs towards your former lover. An attentive, sympathetic look and silence. There is no point in asking questions either. When the story ends, you just need to say: “I understand you,” “I sympathize with you,” or just silently hug.
Surround with warmth and care. Wrap yourself in a blanket or bring a pillow, offer a cup of hot tea or cocoa, a piece of cake or a delicious sandwich... Caring should not be excessive or intrusive, the main thing is that it is sincere.

When you first met, you thought that this would definitely be forever.

But circumstances are not always on our side...

How to get over a breakup with a loved man?

How long will the feeling last?

To forget each other after breaking up, ex-lovers it takes exactly half the time which they spent together.

That is, after 4 years of relationship, a man and a woman will need at least 2 years to come to their senses and be ready for a new relationship.

How to let go of the person you love? will help you!

Why do you love even more?

After a breakup, all feelings become more intense. Sadness seems universal, but the pain is unbearable. So it is with the feeling of love.

And besides, you begin to understand that the person is no longer around and never will be. This awareness of loss increases love.

Why are we drawn to our exes? Find out about this from the video:

Is it possible to get out of the situation quickly and easily?

This happens very rarely, mainly if the person has been indifferent to you for a long time, and the relationship was just a habit.

In all other cases, separation is not easy to survive. Many people fall into.

But this process can be speed it up a little and make it easier, for this you need to follow the advice of psychologists.

How to behave?

At this moment, the main thing is not to lose your head from emotions. Use the following tips:

Do not humiliate yourself in any way, do not start calling and writing messages to your ex;
concentrate on the fact that now you just need to get through this time and cope with the surging emotions;
give yourself a short period of time to release your emotions: cry and speak out;
do not constantly replay pleasant moments together in your head - your goal now is to forget about the past and look confidently into the future;
don’t fall out of life: study, work, go out, meet friends.

How to overcome a breakup with a loved one?

The girl left me, what should I do?

How to survive a breakup with your girlfriend? Has your loved one announced that she no longer wants to continue the relationship? Here are some tips to ease the pain of a breakup:

How to cope with the death of your beloved husband? Find out about this from ours.

I broke up with my boyfriend, but I love him

How to survive separation from your loved one? If a guy suddenly said that he is leaving you, then do not rush into hysterics. There are time-tested tips that can help you now:

How to survive a breakup with a man? Find out in this video:

It was very difficult to break up with my lover

You may have decided yourself that you can’t do this anymore. Or perhaps your lover could not stand it and left you. In any case, this is the same emotional connection and such a separation can also be difficult. What to do?

Put an end to your relationship. Erase all messages, delete the number too.

Do not try to get in touch yourself and do not fall for the provocations of your ex-lover.

Free yourself from psychological dependence. Try not to think about him and find some hobby.
Remember what is truly dear to you. You have a family, a loving husband and perhaps even children. These are the ones you need to think about first.

How can a man survive a breakup with his lover?

Have you decided that family is more expensive?

Or did she leave, slamming the door and finally shouting that she couldn’t wait any longer and share you with another woman?

Well, it's not a very pleasant situation anyway. But you can survive it:

Try to forget about her. Don't replay the nights spent together in your head. Delete her number. Do not answer calls or text messages. This woman no longer exists in your life.
Make time for your family. When was the last time you went somewhere together? Even just to the cinema or the park?
It's time to focus on the family. Moreover, they most likely have not received attention from you for a long time.
Throw yourself into your work. This is a very good way to distract yourself and forget about the pain. And your career can take off.

How to cope with the pain of divorce from your husband?

Divorce- This is a very difficult test for both sides. Especially if it was your husband who initiated it, and you still love him. How to ease your suffering?

How long does falling in love last? find out right now.

How can I bear separation from the wife I love?

It happens that you feel like everything in your family life is normal. And then one day you find out that your wife wants to file for divorce. How to get over a breakup?

How to survive separation like a man? Tips in this video:

Ways to get rid of love addiction

The hardest thing after a breakup is breaking up. Here are some tips on how to get rid of it.

How to reconcile and recover?

Of course, in order to come to terms with a difficult breakup, you will need some time. To reduce it, you need to not let yourself get discouraged and constantly tune in to a positive wave.

If you just can’t recover after a breakup, then use the following tips:

Give vent to your emotions. If you are constantly carrying them around and holding them back, then it is not surprising that you are stuck in this state. Tears, screams, hysterics. Allow yourself all this. But be sure to limit the time you suffer. Otherwise, this won't end well.
Take a vacation. And go to some city you haven’t been to yet. Or arrange a meeting with your friends. Also, arrange a beauty day for yourself: massage, masks, creams, haircut. Or a day of shopping.
All this will fill you with positive emotions and help you move on.
Use a positive outlook on life. Was there something you couldn’t do while you were in a relationship? Did you want to do something, but your ex didn't approve? Right now! Start seeing the breakup as a benefit rather than the end of the world.

How to live further?

Sometimes it seems that after parting with a loved one there is no more life.

And you most likely think you will never be as happy as you were with him.

But that's not true. How to live after a breakup?

Open up to new things. Change your appearance or the interior of your apartment. You can change your apartment or even your city of residence. Quit and find a new job. Try to go to a second higher education degree or at least some courses. Do something you couldn't even think of before.
Have fun. Go to the movies, meet friends, visit theaters and exhibitions. Attend a concert of your favorite band. Find a community of similar interests.
Communicate. Meet people, make friends. Flirt and go on dates.
You may not be ready for a new relationship yet, but who knows, maybe you will soon meet “the one”!

No matter how terrible it may seem to part with your loved one, it is still not the end of the world. Use the tips presented and you will be able to survive separation as best as possible. more painless.

How to get over a breakup easier? How to recover after divorce? How to survive a breakup? Psychologist's advice:

For many women, there comes a time when they have to think about how to survive a breakup with a loved one. It is important to try to benefit even from such a difficult situation. You need to analyze your behavior, distract yourself and find sources of inspiration in order to continue going through life with a smile.

Why is it difficult to let go of your loved one?

To understand how to survive the pain of parting, you first need to decide why you can’t let go of your lover. This happens for the following reasons:

The relationship was long-term.
When people date for many years, they become very accustomed to each other. Daily conversations and frequent meetings become an important part of life. Many couples even develop their own traditions. With the breakup of a relationship, these familiar things disappear. At first there won't be enough of them.
First relationship.
First love is often strong. The girl thinks that her first man is her destiny. After a breakup, it is difficult to come to terms with the idea that this love was not for life.
Age.
If a woman is already over 30, she does not have a husband and children, but wants to have a family, then she may perceive a man as her last chance.
Low self-esteem.
A woman who considers herself ugly or boring will, after a breakup, begin to think that she will never have new fans again, because no one will love her like that. She may also feel guilty, believing that she alone is to blame for the breakup.
Falling in love is like addiction.
In this case, after the breakup, the girl will not only suffer greatly, but may also begin to pursue her ex-partner.
Lack of close people.
If a woman does not like to be in society and she has no friends, then after breaking up she will be left completely alone, because the ex-man was her only close person. Loneliness will scare her, and she will begin to cling to failed relationships.

The reasons may also be related to the fact that something constantly reminds you of your ex-lover. For example, if he works with a woman and they have many mutual friends.

What's the best way to cope with a breakup?

Burn all your bridges

After a breakup, you need to burn bridges. To do this, you need to block your ex-lover's phone number. If the communication took place on social networks, you need to remove him from friends and add him to the blacklist so that this person does not appear in the list of recommended profiles. If a woman feels that she will still look into his account, then it is better for her to temporarily remove herself from the social network.

You can’t try to establish communication and return love. Obsession will only anger the ex-lover, and he will once again be convinced that he did the right thing by ending this relationship. If he wants to return, he will come himself.

Separately, it is necessary to mention how to survive a breakup with a married man who was not ready to leave the family. Then you will have to block not only him, but also his wife, who will also be a reminder that a loved one has decided to leave.

Ask loved ones for help

To escape from difficult thoughts, you need to spend more time with loved ones. It’s better to tell them about the breakup so that they don’t bring up that man in their conversations.

We should go to the movies and for walks together. It is easier to cope with a breakup when life is filled with interesting events and pleasant meetings.

You can also ask your relatives how to get over a breakup with your loved one so that you can take their advice.

Find a reason to be happy

You need to think about how to calm yourself after a breakup. It is important to find a reason to be happy. It all depends only on the girl’s hobbies. You can sign up for a course, buy a pool membership, go shopping, go on a trip, or read a new book. A woman should remember what she has wanted to do for a long time, but constantly put it off due to lack of time.

It is important to take your mind off the breakup so that there is no desire to take revenge or return to this love relationship.

It is worth learning to see the beauty around you. To do this, you need to get out of the house more often and walk around the city. The reason for joy can be sunny weather, the first snowfall or blooming flowers.

Be irresistible

Separately, it is necessary to mention how to forget betrayal, how to survive betrayal, separation because of another woman. In such a situation, self-esteem suffers greatly. This cannot be allowed.

It’s worth taking a closer look at your appearance: go to a beauty salon, buy a new dress, try unusual makeup. If a girl feels beautiful, it will be easier for her to forget the man who left for another.

Set new goals for yourself

When discussing how to survive a difficult breakup, it is important to mention that you need to set new goals. In this way, you can not only take your mind off your worries, but also channel your energy into a peaceful direction.

For example, learn a new language or learn how to cook French cuisine. The goal could also be a new position at work.

You shouldn’t immediately set the goal of finding a man, because first you need to completely let go of your old love.

It’s better to take time for yourself, find new hobbies and engage in self-development so that you can enter a new relationship refreshed and full of strength. Such a woman has a better chance of attracting a man.

How long does it take?

When wondering how to get over a breakup after a long relationship, it is important to consider how long it takes. It all depends solely on the woman and how dear this man was to her.

To quickly cope with a breakup, you need to stop crying, realize that this person is forever in the past, and engage in self-development. As soon as a woman understands that her life has become interesting, rich and happy, we can consider that the separation has been survived.

This will take at least 1 month. During this time, new habits will appear and the rhythm of life will change. If you continue to cry and worry, then it will take a whole life to let go of this relationship.

When do you need the help of a psychologist?

Breaking up a relationship is always very stressful. When a girl realizes that she cannot cope on her own, she can go to a psychologist for an individual or group lesson. The help of a specialist is needed if, due to a breakup, self-esteem has suffered, faith in love has disappeared, and the first symptoms of depression have appeared.

A psychologist will help a woman understand herself so that she finds the strength to move on in life, set goals and achieve them.

Experts advise first to forgive the person for this pain and for the difficult breakup, otherwise it will not be possible to let him go, because... internal resentment will constantly gnaw.

You can express all your feelings in a handwritten letter, but you cannot send it. It must be torn or burned, thereby putting an end to it. After this, relief will come and there will be a desire to act further, making life more interesting and happier.

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