How to learn to have interesting conversations, even with complete strangers. How to learn to communicate with people? Let's understand the art of effective communication How to communicate with people to

Why can some people easily make friends, while other people are very reserved and do not know how to do this? After all, we are all born with the same abilities: we do not know how to walk, talk, meet people, etc. As children, we fully express ourselves and have fun. Some people retain this inner drive from childhood, while others lose it under the influence of their environment. What to do about it? How to regain your former self-confidence and learn to communicate with people? We'll tell you in the article.

Why is it worth making acquaintances and communicating with people?

Do you think our environment greatly influences us? Remember how carefree we were as children and how easy it was to make acquaintances. But then they began to unconsciously learn from others and the media how to behave “correctly.” How much have we changed? 100%, with rare exceptions. Our environment has a huge influence on us. As one popular business consultant says:

“Show me the 5 people you spend the most time with and I'll tell you how rich you are ” .

The same applies to health, relationships, level of education and other areas of life. Therefore, it is very important to know how to communicate with new people in order to make acquaintances with those who will be useful to you and will make your life better.

Of course, you can resist the influence of your environment. But still, the people with whom you spend your time influence and change us more strongly. And that is why you need to choose your environment yourself, and not leave everything to chance.

Why do we sometimes have “nothing to say”

Sometimes the question arises: “How to start communicating with new people if I don’t know what to say to them after “Hello!”.” We've all encountered this problem. We want to make a positive impression on a person, but all words and thoughts seem to evaporate. Because of this, we experience discomfort and feel somehow “wrong”.

In fact, we always have something to say. It is fears that block your communication skills. Because of fear, we limit the topics we can talk about in order to:

• Don't seem stupid
• Don't insult your interlocutor
• Do not make a negative impression about yourself, etc.

As a result, it turns out that we either cannot say anything at all, or we say mediocre questions like “How are you?” or “How was your day?” , which don't really mean anything. They are asked simply to fill the void.

But give up these inhibitions and allow the conversation to go in an unknown direction. Do you know what kind of conversation goes on a straight line? Boring. So just talk about everything that comes to mind. Ask questions and then it is important not to speak yourself, but much more important to be able to listen to your interlocutor. Remove all blocks! Even if you accidentally offend your interlocutor, there is always the opportunity to sincerely apologize.

Don't be afraid to take the conversation in your direction.

How to communicate with new people correctly? The way you want it: you can listen to your interlocutor, or you can conduct the conversation yourself. If everything is simple with the first option, then what about the second? What does it mean to have a conversation and how to do it effectively?

Let's talk about it.

Are you interested in listening to people who passionately talk about something? Surely yes. We usually get caught up in the enthusiasm and energy these people exude when talking about their favorite topics. Even if the topic was not too interesting to us initially.

Therefore, if you want to seize the initiative in the conversation and lead it in your direction, feel free to do so. Unobtrusively take the conversation in a direction that interests you and talk about it with enthusiasm.

Where can you find topics for an interesting conversation?

The most interesting conversation happens when you don’t even know what you’re going to talk about with the person. Because such a conversation is like a roller coaster: it goes up sharply, then flies down, and then turns sharply to the right at great speed. This is not the same as having a boring conversation according to a plan.

But how to communicate with people so that it is interesting? Where can I get topics for conversation? And how to develop the conversation in an interesting and exciting direction? How to make contact?

1. Look around and find something interesting. Let's say you are at a meeting with a lot of people. At such meetings there are a huge number of potential interlocutors, so: go up to a stranger or your friend and ask him for what purpose he came here. At the same time, share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

1. Remember fascinating stories from life. If you want to be a very interesting conversationalist, memorize some of them. Having worked on pauses in the right places, changes in intonation, etc. When you start a conversation you will worry less.

1. Ask yourself: what could I ask the other person? And try to repeat it until you find something interesting. Our brain is designed in such a way that initially it gives the simplest and most obvious solutions, but over time it begins to dig deeper and deeper. Using this question will help you have a meaningful dialogue.

1. As a last resort, use standard questions: cinema, music, sports, etc. These topics can also be developed in an interesting direction.

How to develop a conversation and make it interesting? Listen to your interlocutor and ask about the details of the story, you can ask clarifying questions. It's all in the details - that's usually the fun part. Plus, you'll show the person that you're listening to them and not just standing in front of them and nodding. The ability to listen and hear your interlocutor will give you a lot of topics for communication with a new interlocutor.

How to make friends with strangers

We talked about what we talked about above, now a little practice. How to start communicating with people, making acquaintances at work, school, various events, or just on the street? How to appear attractive to other people?

There are several rules for this:

• Use not only words, but also voice intonation, facial expressions and body language

Agree, it is much more interesting to communicate with a person who, during the conversation:

• speaks loudly
• changes the intonation of the voice in interesting and significant places in the story,
• uses hands to show something
• and openly expresses emotions on the face through facial expressions.

Pay attention to this important skill, it will significantly improve your speech. By applying these simple tips, you will be able to conduct a dialogue more lively and interesting than those who speak monotonously and are in tense positions. People willingly make acquaintances with such active people.

• Smile

Everyone likes to see sincere smiles on the faces of people around them. A smile requires you to make an emotional investment in conversation, but you will be rewarded.

Therefore, when making acquaintances, smile more often - this way your appearance will seem more friendly to others, and they are unlikely to refuse to get to know you.

• Talk to strangers as if you were talking to loved ones

Don't stress when you want to talk to a stranger. Imagine that you have known him for a long time. Do you think this is strange? But put yourself in his place: would you really be pleased if people around you were afraid of you and were nervous when talking to you? Of course not. And the people around you don't want it either.

• Making eye contact will help you succeed in a conversation.

Look the other person in the eye when you communicate. Only occasionally look away so that it doesn’t look strange.

In order to make acquaintances, you can use several more reasons:

• discuss the purpose of the meeting (if you are at the event);
• find out how things are going in the company,
• what kind of people are here (if this is your first day at work);
• what brought your interlocutor to this educational institution (if studying).

Don’t ask yourself the question “How to communicate with people correctly.” It is untrue in itself. After all, there are no prohibitions and no right ways to develop a conversation.

Just be active: constantly communicate with new people. Then you will have an interesting circle of friends and you will develop your communication skills.

How to stop being afraid of public opinion

Why can't we make acquaintances and just chat with a stranger? This can happen during your first day at school or work, while attending an event, or just while walking if you meet an attractive man or woman you would like to meet.

As soon as we have the desire to go and talk to a person, we are attacked by thoughts like these:

• What if this person refuses to meet me?
• What if I look insecure?
• What if I have nothing to say, etc.

In order to remove these thoughts, you need to know a little communication psychology. Namely: how to stop being afraid of the opinions of others.

Nobody wants to look like an insecure person, but the problem is that if you constantly think about it, that’s exactly what you will look like.

What to do about it?

Go towards your fear and understand that nothing bad will happen to you. No one will beat you for trying to get to know each other, no one will remember every day and laugh at the stupid thing you said or anything else.

When you make enough attempts to get to know each other and realize that the opinions of others mean nothing - and that no one thinks about you - you will relax and your fears will simply disappear. You will become a confident person and will be able to easily start a conversation with anyone.

No one will film your unsuccessful attempts to meet each other on their phone and post them on the Internet. No one will tell this to your acquaintances and friends. Because the focus of every person is on himself. You are the center of attention for yourself. And each person is exactly the same center of attention for himself. We are preoccupied with our own problems and have no interest in judging other people.

“All people think that others evaluate them. But this is an illusion: everyone is preoccupied with themselves and does not think about you ” .

On the one hand, it may seem a little sad that no one cares about you. But look at it this way: you can do whatever you want. Meet and calmly communicate with new people if you want. Many will enjoy your company.

Exercises to erase fear of public opinion

Your fear of communication is your “monster”. Only when you get rid of this “monster” that takes away all your conversation topics and makes you feel uncomfortable, will you begin to easily meet new people.

It is important for you to create the right attitude towards other people. What exercises will help you with this?

1. When walking down the street, say “Hello” or “Hello” to strangers.

1. If the first exercise is too easy for you, ask people for time or directions to a place.

1. Give compliments to strangers. You can stop them by saying something like this: “Hello! Please stop for a second. I wanted to say that you have great style!” . Then you can say have a good day and just move on. Remember that by doing this you are not doing anything bad to the person, but on the contrary, you can lift his mood.

If these exercises are uncomfortable for you, then you definitely need to do them. Why? Because first of all, it will show you that most people are friendly and don't mind chatting with you at all. And secondly, that you have realized your problem and really want to overcome your fears

Of course, not everyone will answer. But the problem is usually not you: most people are so immersed in their thoughts that they don’t hear anything around them. Or they don't have the energy to respond to you at all.

So don't worry about being ignored. This is the whole point of the exercise - to feel discomfort and understand that nothing bad will happen to you if you talk to strangers. Be a polite and tactful interlocutor, then the maximum that can happen to you is that you will be ignored.

Work on yourself

Constant communication is one of the important components of developing communication skills. But sometimes the problems that make us afraid to communicate can be deeper. Therefore, it is worth working on the following points:

• Accept yourself as you are. If you can't make a drastic change at the moment, then why worry about it? Will being overly concerned help you? Of course not.

Learn to love yourself. The following will help with this:

• Praise yourself more often
• do not give control over your self-esteem into the wrong hands;
• keep a success diary in which you write down each of your victories

By doing this, you will stop dwelling on your mistakes.

• Don't run away from hard work and fear. If you encounter something that you don't think you can overcome, just tell yourself: “Yes, it will be hard, but it is possible. At least I’ll try and if it doesn’t work, I’ll gain communication experience.”

This will be useful if you want to get to know someone, but you are caught by one of the fears that we described in previous chapters.

• Learn to be patient. You can develop your communication skills endlessly. It's like sharpening a sword: no matter how much you sharpen it, it will never be perfect.

You should want to develop communication skills, but at the same time, do not care about the result. Because it will prevent you from developing in communication. Just work on yourself and praise for every achievement: a new acquaintance, an exercise completed, an interesting conversation with someone, etc.

• Read more fiction. The more vocabulary you have, the more interesting and competent you will be able to conduct a dialogue. What to read? Whatever you like: you can have classics, you can have detective stories, or you can have novels.

The main thing is that reading brings you pleasure - this will help you not to stop and learn to communicate with strangers.

• Learn to be cheerful and open. Why is this so important? Because when approaching people, the main value you can give is positive emotions. And you can call them if you are an open and cheerful person.

You can share your failures in conversation and laugh at them - this is one of the best ways to win over your interlocutor and relax.

Completion

The most important thing to remember about learning how to communicate with people is to try to meet new people. Reading useful material like this article is just a help. You need to constantly take action to develop communication skills.

• keep starting conversations,
• be tactful
• polite,
• smile,
• take initiative
• maintain eye contact,
• ask questions
• The main thing is to listen carefully to your interlocutor,
• think about him
• be relaxed
• move forward and don't expect results.

So forget about what other people think about you and learn! Remember: we learn valuable lessons not only from successful attempts, but also from failed ones. Please share your experience in the comments.

Interaction with other people takes up a significant part of every person's life. For some, communication is not a particular problem, for others it is so difficult that they prefer to avoid contact. However, it is better to improve the effectiveness of communication by learning the rules and becoming more confident in yourself than to spend your life as a hermit.

How not to be afraid to communicate with people

A common reason that causes communication difficulties is fear. This is the fear of being misunderstood, of saying something stupid that “everyone will laugh at,” and the fear of a negative reaction from others. As a rule, this reason has deep roots that go back to childhood. In this case, it is recommended to remember under what conditions the phobia was formed and analyze the situation.

Other sources of the problem:

excessive modesty, shyness;
lack of self-esteem;
complexes associated with appearance;
inability to establish contact.

To learn how to communicate with people, you will have to work on yourself. To defeat fear, you need to recognize it and fight it.

At first you will have to force yourself to talk to people, so start with unfamiliar “guinea pigs”: ask on the street what time it is, how to get to the library - soon it will become easier to talk to a stranger.

Effective communication: how to become an interesting interlocutor

Difficulties arise simply because you have nothing to say. Answer honestly: can you interest yourself? How much do you know and are you able to carry on a conversation? Do you have hobbies and interests? If you answered “yes” to at least the last question, then everything is not so bad. Quite the contrary, because you have a chance to communicate with people online on forums dedicated to the topic of interest. There are several advantages to this:

there will be no fear here,
It’s easier to communicate among like-minded people,
if you are an expert, then your opinion will be listened to and respected, and this always has a positive effect on self-esteem.

In the future, this communication can be continued in real life.

To understand how to learn to communicate with people easily and simply, at a minimum, there must be a topic for communication. Learn something new every day, develop yourself, form your own opinion about events. Discuss with your loved ones the last book you read, the movie you liked - share your emotions and thoughts.

Don’t be afraid to say something stupid – you’ll be surprised, but people do it all the time, under the guise of confidence in their own rightness, so they inspire confidence in others.

How to communicate freely: 4 exercises

The first basic rule is a good mood. Nobody likes to communicate with whiners and bores. Therefore, you should not take out negative emotions on others. Create your own mood - start your morning with a smile at the reflection in the mirror, a delicious breakfast, and your favorite music. Stop complaining and learn to see more of the good.

Learn to understand other people without words. Guess the emotions on the faces of passers-by, determine what a person who has a particular facial expression might feel. Training in front of a mirror can also help here - depict different feelings and watch how your facial expressions change.

This is important, because the intonation with which the same phrase is pronounced determines how it will be perceived.

Sign up for a public speaking course. Even if you don't have to speak in public (although communication, in essence, is such a speech), you will learn to construct phrases and express thoughts correctly.

How to communicate correctly: what does psychology teach?

Even if you have lacked basic communication skills since childhood, they can be developed.

What do you need to pay attention to to make communicating with people easier?

Developing confidence. Self-confidence is a sign of a successful person, and such people attract the attention of others, arouse interest and a desire to communicate.
Endear. A simple way to build trust in your interlocutor is to make eye contact when communicating. If a person looks away, this may indicate that he is lying, and this is recognized on a subconscious level. Looking into the eyes has a hypnotic effect. At the same time, remember that looking too long can be regarded as aggressive behavior or a challenge, so it is extremely important to control the timbre of your voice and intonation during a conversation.
Address the person you are talking to by name. There is no sound more pleasant for a person than his own name. That's how we are made.
Proper conversation. Ask questions that can be answered in detail, as well as supplemented with additional questions. Here, too, it is important not to overdo it - so that the dialogue does not resemble an interrogation.
Don't be afraid of rejection. Difficulties in communication can be caused by fear of rejection, which reinforces existing self-doubt. Take it for granted - any answer is a result. Refusal is only a reason to look for another solution to the problem. It should not affect your self-esteem in any way - at a minimum, you do not know the true reasons why the interlocutor did not agree. The feeling of fear limits a person. For motivation, watch the Jim Carrey movie “Always Say Yes.”

How to learn to communicate with people - Carnegie's book

Dale Carnegie's advice is a classic in the psychology of communication. People facing communication problems find answers in them. These are effective and simple recommendations that will help you establish contact with any (adequate) person.

Don't set yourself a goal of learning how to communicate with people in a week or a month. This may take much longer, but you will notice small changes after just a few “training” conversations. Think of it as homework that needs to be done. At the same time, keep yourself relaxed, without unnecessary emotions that indicate anxiety.

The psychology of communication is undoubtedly one of the most important areas of our lives. Every day we, in one way or another, interact, get to know and talk with the people around us. This is a natural process emanating from the very nature of man as a social being.

However, sometimes situations arise when for some reason it is difficult for us to communicate, especially when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex, dating or maintaining existing relationships. Every person, with rare exceptions, undoubtedly feels the desire to communicate, but certain complexes and imposed beliefs prevent him from doing this. This article will reveal the basic principles and tell you how to learn to communicate with people.

Is there a way to relax and enjoy it? How to stop being constrained, overcome the feeling of anxiety and fear of communication, stop worrying about trifles and make your life much more enjoyable thanks to this?

The key role of communication in human life has long been proven by scientists. Our well-being, successful life and relationships directly depend on it.

Before moving on to tips for combating the fear of communication, it is necessary to identify the very cause of this fear and the discomfort associated with it. Knowing the root of the problem and revealing its essence, it will be much easier to solve it.

How not to be afraid to communicate with people

Perhaps the fear of communication lies in your childhood; think about it, maybe you will remember some kind of conflict that happened to you as a child.

Then you didn’t attach much importance to it, but a negative aftertaste remained in your subconscious, and now it’s preventing you from developing. In this case, you should consult with a specialist or undergo a series of psychological trainings that will help you overcome the current situation.

There may be other, less profound reasons, such as:

• inability to competently build connections and relationships
• inability to make contacts
• lack of mutual understanding
• excessive modesty
• your timidity, shyness
• excessive restraint and meekness
• low self-esteem
• complexes about appearance
• inability to listen and understand other people
• fear of displeasing others

In order to overcome this fear, you first need to understand that...

• We have to admit that this fear exists. Often people accumulate all their experiences inside themselves, which further aggravates the situation, or they themselves cannot accept the problem, denying it day by day. The best thing to do is tell someone about this fear. This is the most common method in psychology, when you share a problem with friends or relatives and you feel better, you are no longer constrained by these thoughts. The feeling of negativity caused by your experiences comes out along with the words. Talk about this more and more and soon you yourself will no longer understand what you were so afraid of.
• Change in you will not happen overnight. This process can take a long time, only daily long-term work on yourself will give fruitful results.
• You need to stop thinking about this problem. The more you concentrate on it, the more intractable it seems to you. Relax and enjoy the process.
• You need to do what you are most afraid of. Start communicating, talking to someone, and do it constantly. Continuous practice is necessary. It is impossible to overcome psychological problems solely by reading literature and special articles. To learn to talk calmly with people and defend your position, you need to start taking action. Confidence and calmness when communicating directly depend on the acquired practical experience. The more of it, the better. Do not stop.

  Remember, if you decide to fight a problem and do nothing, it means you have decided not to do anything.

  Fight with yourself, do not stop at the achieved result, believe in yourself and try to find a person who would support you.

• If you find it difficult to communicate directly with people, then start with telephone conversations. Think about it, maybe you have been planning to do something for a long time, and certain information is not available to you, and you can only get it by calling, for example, a help desk or Internet provider. Start calling, find out the cost and all sorts of details. Write down a list of questions you want to ask in advance and get started. Ask about their work schedule, their location, email address, mail, ask for an explanation of how you can find them.
• Gradually you will achieve the desired result, your voice will stop shaking, stiffness will go away, and you will no longer need a sheet of paper with questions, you will improvise. This way you will prepare yourself for the next stage - real communication. To do this, talk to strangers as often as possible, ask them specific questions or contact them with requests: find out how to get to the place you need, which bus is better to take, which stop to get off at, how to get somewhere, where the bus is located. or other organization. In stores, be sure to agree to the consultant’s offer to help you (or approach the seller yourself with questions). Look for all sorts of reasons to communicate on your own, this will effectively develop your imagination and relieve unnecessary stress when meeting new people.
• Try to read more, learn new information every day, and form your own opinion about certain events. Practice on people close to you more often because you feel more relaxed when talking to them than when you talk to strangers. Tell us about a movie you recently watched or a book you read: what you liked or didn’t like and why; your opinion about the main characters; plot; will you watch this movie or re-read the book, or perhaps try other books by the author.

What should I do if they don’t want to communicate with me?

There are situations when we join a new team or are invited to spend time in a company, however, contact is not established, you move away from the group and become a black sheep, they bypass you and avoid communicating with you. The reason for this may be a lack of energy, interest in others and life drive, as well as interests, hobbies and opinions.

If you are confident in yourself, then behave as naturally as possible and, most importantly, maintain inner peace.

Don't attach much importance to what is happening. But don’t wait for someone to come up to you and introduce themselves. Take the first step yourself, be more proactive, take part in discussions, and do not refuse if you are asked for something.

Another problem may be communication with the opposite sex.

Let's move on to the tips

How to learn to communicate with guys

Proper communication with your boyfriend will help you build a good long-term relationship.

Remember, if the conversation has reached a dead end, and your interlocutor has nothing to talk about with you, then he will almost immediately lose interest in you.

To understand how to talk and what to talk about, try to find out what he is like, what he does, if he has hobbies and what he likes.

Try to be positive and cheerful, everyone likes such people, they make you smile and forget about your problems. A smile always inspires confidence and promotes mutual understanding. Never forget to smile, this will help you avoid tension in the conversation. Never wring your arms or cross them over your chest, because... this gesture is subconsciously perceived as protection and closedness, reluctance to communicate, a desire to protect one’s comfort zone. Don’t be nervous or tense, don’t bite your lips, this is also a sign of awkwardness. Be yourself.

When talking to a guy, try to choose topics that he is passionate about, try to figure them out yourself, and only then move on to a discussion.

Of course, you don't have to know everything thoroughly. Ask him something on the topic, he will only be pleased that you are not indifferent to his knowledge and opinion.

Don’t be silent, but if it happens that you don’t have anything to answer, then say that this is not familiar to you. This way, you will be able to show your unobtrusiveness, the guy will understand that you are not so easy to interest. If a guy asks you to tell about yourself, don’t forget, a couple of main points about your life and that’s it. Let us remind you that when communicating with guys, you need to focus all your attention on them, and not on yourself.

You can talk with a guy on all sorts of topics, based on your mood, but without vulgarity and intimate details, this is unacceptable during the first conversation. Try to talk about generally known topics; you should avoid women’s gossip and discussing other people behind their backs.

The most important thing is to maintain a casual conversation, this will let you understand what exactly the guy is interested in.

How to learn to communicate with girls

If you like a girl and don't know where to start to start a conversation with her, then just smile and greet her. A warm and sincere smile always puts you in a positive mood when communicating. Try to make your smile appear warm and sincere. Do this, and not a single girl will be able to resist such a tempting invitation to meet you.

« What should I talk to her about?“- such a question arises at the very moment when you find yourself alone with a girl you like, further acquaintance with whom would give you great pleasure.

Ask questions, but at the same time, avoid those that she could answer with a monosyllabic “yes” or “no.” Instead of: “Do you like this movie? - “What films do you usually watch?” or “How do you feel about...?” Give free rein to your imagination, find out more about your interlocutor. This advice is really effective if you don’t know how to get a silent person to talk.

Thanks to these tips, you will learn to enjoy being in company and will win people over. If you still feel that you are timid when communicating with unfamiliar people, remember what we told you about today. It's time to overcome your fears.

Video: How to communicate with a variety of people?

Secrets of sociability - what affects the ability to communicate, how to overcome the fear of communication and become an interesting interlocutor?

Many people indicate as their strengths such a quality as sociability, or the ability to communicate with other people. However, in reality, it often turns out that their opportunities are limited to communicating only in a certain company of people close to them (relatives or friends), in front of whom some rules of correctness may not be observed. For example, you can often see young people who, standing in a circle, express their thoughts and attitudes exclusively with the help of obscene language. At the same time, they can slap each other on the back, have a comic fight, laugh loudly and comment on the words of their interlocutors only with the help of short “swearing” words. When such people find themselves in the company of people unfamiliar to them, their more than liberated behavior changes dramatically: they become tense and cannot say practically anything intelligible. When communicating with people of the opposite sex, the same situation may arise, especially if the person you like does not speak in their usual manner, but has the ability to express their thoughts clearly and clearly, without resorting to “strong” expressions.

What factors influence the ability to communicate with other people?

There are often situations when a person whom we know as positive in all respects, an excellent conversationalist, suddenly begins to behave somewhat differently. He can be absent-minded, at times react aggressively to even the most trifling remarks and remarks, generally abandon the intention to even maintain the appearance of a conversation and completely withdraw into himself. People who are insecure usually take this completely personally and begin to respond with the same aggression or leave the interlocutor.

The question arises, what's the matter? Before you start communicating with others, you need to distract yourself from any negative thoughts and states. If you or your interlocutor gets off on the wrong foot, all his charm may evaporate somewhere. All that will remain is an irritated grouch who no longer inspires any warm feelings and with whom you simply don’t want to be in the same room.

It happens that the interlocutors do not trust each other and the conversation in the company does not go well. Just sitting and looking at each other is not interesting, so someone takes it upon themselves to start the conversation first. What is he doing? The first thing you need to do is get to know the other people sitting around, say your name. A feeling of mistrust arises if the person who started this process recognizes the names of others present, but does not give his own name.

Often the initiative in communication comes from one person

Another nuance is to start or intervene in a conversation without relying on topics that are interesting and familiar to other people. Without knowing what others are talking about, you can get into trouble and then spend the rest of the evening angry at yourself and others for what happened.

The complete absence of any manifestations of emotions or, on the contrary, excessive emotionality, especially exaltation, also does not cause a desire to communicate with a person who demonstrates all this. It seems that he is either too "frozen" about expressing his feelings, or simply does not know when to stop if he shows his feelings. Both of these sharply reduce the level of trust and the desire to communicate. Pretense of emotions, smiles and inappropriate laughter are clearly not the means that allow you to win other people over and create an atmosphere favorable for communication.

Have you ever seen how people, even if they don’t know each other very well, sometimes create interesting situations when they want to communicate? They sit closer, but not so close that from the outside their communication looks too intimate. It is also difficult to imagine how you can interest another person in yourself, being at a distance of about 3-5 meters from him, and having a conversation on personal topics. On the other hand, if a complete stranger sits close to you, starts grabbing your hands, patting you on the shoulder, or whispering annoyingly in your ear... This behavior usually makes you want to quickly stop communicating and run away from your counterpart as quickly and far as possible.

Or such a case when someone excitedly talks about something, without even paying attention to the reaction of others. He accompanies each of his words with excessive gesticulation, annoying gazes, or does not look at anyone at all. One can only guess what desires are brewing in the souls of those who are not lucky enough to be nearby...

Bad communication experiences can make you withdrawn

To summarize, we note that a person’s ability to communicate with others is influenced by factors such as:

• emotional state of interlocutors;
• community of interests of those present;
• visual contact and distance between interlocutors;
• feeling of self-confidence;
• emotional involvement in the communication process;
• the ability to listen to others.

How to learn to communicate with other people

Some people sometimes feel a little jealous because they can easily communicate with those around them. It seems that the very possibility of approaching someone and starting a conversation with them does not present anything difficult for them. But for others, the very thought of this seems simply terrifying: what if this person says something that after his words you just want to fall into the ground? Or die on the spot?

It's often difficult to start a conversation

Give up your prejudices. When starting to communicate with another person, you need to abandon any ready-made attitudes and thoughts about him. It is various “cockroaches” like “what if”, “what if”, “God forbid” and so on that can already in the bud suppress your ability to see a person in front of you. A person, and not the label that you managed to put on him because of his appearance or behavior. Remember, no one person is responsible for your burden of experienced failures or what you call your failure. You are also far from an angel, and other people have to put up with your shortcomings. It is better to pay attention to the positive qualities of the person with whom you are communicating. As psychotherapists say, there are no shortcomings in a person, but there are peculiar advantages that you need to take a closer look at and learn to accept.

Be confident. An important key to developing the ability to communicate with others is to be a confident person. Moreover, we recognize a person with such qualities intuitively. Such a person behaves without unnecessary fuss, chooses his words, is not afraid to look his interlocutor in the eyes and express his emotions. At the same time, he does not show off his knowledge and competence, expresses himself in the correct language, and does not try to overwhelm him with his status and authority. Before giving an answer, he takes a short pause, speaks measuredly and quietly, but not in a whisper.

Maintain eye contact and use feedback. Typically, people who are known to be good conversationalists know how to listen to others. This is expressed in the fact that they not only listen, but also ask various clarifying questions and encourage the interlocutor. At the same time, they look into the eyes of the interlocutor from time to time, but do not use x-ray looking. Typically, the intense police gaze usually makes one want to escape from being so deeply immersed in someone's inner world.

Know how to listen to your interlocutor

Don’t decide for your interlocutor how to behave. Often in films on the topic of relationships between men and women, a moment is played out when the cause of conflicts is shown - the inability to listen to another person. He talks about his own, you talk about yours. Then everyone begins to accuse the other of inattention, but for some reason no one even thinks that their own selfishness and incorrect expectations regarding other people may be to blame. In the sense that a person is more interested in his thoughts, feelings and relationships than other people from his immediate environment. It’s like the joke about how a man went into the bathroom to wash and shave and came out a divorced man in just five minutes. And all because the wife asked some question, answered herself, got angry, offended and...finale la comedy.

Express your thoughts clearly and clearly. Learn to express your thoughts in an accessible and clear manner. Some people believe that omissions and the ability to read between the lines add special flavor to a conversation. Usually everything happens exactly the opposite: if someone does not fully understand what is being said, he begins to experience a feeling of irritation, boredom and a desire to simply retire somewhere else. Where everyone talks about understandable things and in an understandable language.

Avoid value judgments and know how to ask questions. It is also important to be able to avoid evaluative reactions like “Nonsense”, “Nonsense” or “You can imagine it too!” When an interlocutor receives such an assessment from a communication partner, he gets the impression that the issues that concern him are of no interest to anyone. A feeling of his own insignificance and inferiority awakens in him. Whatever he says, you need to listen to him to the end. But do not bombard the person with an endless stream of questions, otherwise he will decide that he is being interrogated with bias, and will try to interrupt the difficult communication for him.

Know how to manage the attention of your interlocutor. An important point that allows you to win over other people is the ability to control space and your body. This means that you need to be able to reduce or increase the distance between yourself and your interlocutor. For example, if you think that the atmosphere is getting too tense, it makes sense to use an excuse to leave the person alone with his thoughts for a while. You can disappear from his field of vision, but do not interrupt communication. You can ask questions or tell something, preferably with a humorous overtone. It is better to switch the interlocutor’s attention to something else, to distract him in this way. For example, offer a cup of tea or coffee, offer sweets or fruit. The psychological meaning of this is that from the verbal, mental or emotional channel a person switches to the level of sensations and tension decreases.

Expand your horizons and vocabulary. A person who knows how to express even the simplest things in a beautiful literary language immediately attracts attention. People begin to reach out to him simply out of a desire to communicate and listen. Remember how Dumas described the eldest of the musketeers - Athos? Despite his modest clothes, he immediately became the center of attention of any company. He was distinguished not only by his excellent manners, but also by his ability to carry on a conversation on any topic. He even surprised the king, who considered himself an expert in the field of falconry.

The most important - don't be afraid to communicate! Even if they answer you differently than you wanted, nothing bad will happen to you personally. A negative result is also a result that comes from life experience. But next time you will know that there are some nuances that you need to be very careful with. Without practice, any skill will atrophy on its own. Including the ability to say something...