How can you control your emotions. How to effectively control your emotions

Many people wonder if it is worth restraining their emotions. And where is the line between excessive emotionality and isolation. If you understand, then everything is quite simple. The conditional line can be called self-control.

In this state, a person can feel, experience strong emotions, but at the same time he does not allow them to take possession of himself, and at any moment he can sensibly assess the situation. In order to learn how to restrain your emotions, you need to make a lot of effort, but without this skill it is almost impossible to succeed.

Is emotionality good or bad?

At first glance, it may seem that this is bad if a person is emotional and does not hesitate to show it. If he can sincerely cry, really laugh, get angry and scream. In some moments, such people can even win sympathy.

But such sympathy is false and passes quickly. But if a person knows how to be emotional, but at the same time always prevails over the manifestation of emotions, then he really deserves respect and conquers many with genuine sympathy.

In fact, no one is interested in your emotions, few people will really sincerely rejoice at your positive emotions, rather envy will creep in among many. On the other hand, many will be glad to see the manifestation of your suffering. And anger and rage will serve for absurd condemnations.

Such is the nature of a person and nothing can be done about it. Therefore, you always need to understand what you can show others from your experiences, and what is better to keep only for yourself.

But this does not mean at all that you need to close and never show your feelings and emotions. Be sure to throw out all your energy, both good and bad. But you need to do it right. It is better to throw out negative emotions during physical exercises or on inanimate objects, but not in people.

Distinctive features of people who cannot control their emotions

• Scientists have proven that people who cannot control their emotions cannot succeed in any area of ​​their lives. Not financially, not personally, not professionally. Such a statement in itself is already a good motivator.
• Such people, as a rule, always do not have enough money, no matter how much they earn, their expenses are always higher.
• Often considered intriguers and brawlers, because they flare up very easily and then are no longer able to look at the situation from the outside, they stubbornly continue to quarrel and insult everyone around.
• Lack of self-control leads to empty promises that are not taken seriously over time.
• Such people, even with great talent and potential, do not achieve success. All undertakings most often remain unfinished.

Features of people who can control themselves

• They always bring things to an end.
• Their promises can be trusted, they always try to fulfill everything qualitatively and on time.
• Even in the absence of special talent, they are able to achieve high results.
• Always enjoy the authority of friends and colleagues.
• They are able to achieve great success in the financial sector, as they can always sensibly assess the situation, not being guided solely by emotions and feelings.
• To many, such people seem insensitive, but this is not at all the case. They just show their emotions to others exactly as much as they want to be known about them.

How to learn to control yourself?

To the question of how to learn to restrain your emotions, there is no unequivocal 100% effective recipe. Every person is different and their emotional system is unique. But there are practical recommendations of psychologists.

Following which you can to some extent learn to possess yourself. But you need to constantly learn and improve yourself. In this case, there is no end point where you can relax.

Behavior Analysis

In order to learn to control yourself, first of all, it is necessary to analyze your behavior, your actions, your words, promises and other things. It would be better if you write down your idea of ​​yourself on paper and from time to time review and analyze what has changed.

Analyzing your emotions

The second step on the path to self-control is the analysis of their emotions. It is very important to notice in what situations you allow emotions to overcome you. And what exactly are those emotions? It is better to write out separately the emotions that you would like to get rid of. The most important rule is to be honest with yourself.

Think for yourself how you will replace the splash of negative emotions. It can be physical activity, creativity and more.

Goals

Next, you need to set yourself specific goals. For example, if you want to get rid of anger, then set yourself the task of not being angry with your colleagues under any circumstances during the week. In moments when it is very difficult, psychologists recommend taking a deep breath and mentally counting to 10.

Also very good . Be sure to come up with some kind of reward for yourself after a small victory over yourself. If the task did not work out, then analyze why.

The next step is called "playing in reverse"

The essence of the game is that when you want to throw out any negative emotions on a particular person, you must do exactly the opposite. That is, throw out the opposite positive emotion on the same person.

We try not to depend on the emotional state. And independently set your own mood, not taking into account the circumstances, difficulties, and so on.

After completing all of the above steps, you will understand how to restrain your emotions. It's not easy, but you can always cope with all the tests. It is important to remember that you need to study constantly, stopping is a step back. But rest is an important part of any study.

In order to avoid emotional overload and nervous breakdowns, you need to plan your rest time in advance.

Emotions are what makes us human. But sometimes the manifestation of feelings is completely inappropriate, interferes with thinking sensibly and leads to mistakes. You cannot (and should not!) keep yourself from experiencing certain emotions. But it must be manifested and expressed at the right time and in the right place. Use your feelings constructively and don't let them ruin everything you've been working towards for so long.

Don't rock yourself

Adjust the degree of your emotions like the temperature on a thermostat. Not too hot, not too cold - just right to feel good. This applies to both good and bad emotions.

An overabundance of excitement can be inappropriate, as well as overly aggressive or depressive behavior.

People who know how to control their emotions try all the time to avoid disharmony in their state of mind.

Stop to reflect

Do you feel like you are "boiling"? This is a dangerous condition, and you need to put yourself in order as soon as possible. Instead of reacting to the situation immediately, think about what tools and solutions can be used. Cool down and reflect on what happened, regaining your focus and ability to analyze. Hasty decisions often bring a bitter feeling of regret. On the other hand, a short pause will help you focus on the most important and choose an effective and tactful way to solve the problem.

Avoid emotional overload

Emotional overload is a situation in which a certain feeling completely overwhelms you. This condition is accompanied by physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, increased breathing, trembling knees, sweating, and nausea. Do you feel something similar? This is a clear sign that you are emotionally overwhelmed. Instead of going with the flow and giving up, brace yourself! Process the information in parts, gradually coming to your senses. You can evaluate the result with a sober look.

Kate Ter Haar/Flickr.com

Practice deep breathing

The reaction of the body to emotional overload directly affects all the muscles of the body. You experience tension, after which you will definitely feel overwhelmed. To avoid such surges, practice deep breathing. It will oxygenate your brain and help you relax. The technique is very simple: stop doing anything, close your eyes and inhale very slowly through your nose, counting five seconds. Hold your breath for another two seconds, and then exhale just as slowly through your mouth, counting to five again. Repeat at least 10 times.

Avoid emotional company

People are known to easily communicate their emotions to others. That is why you should avoid those who see only the negative in everything: you will borrow the same point of view without even noticing. The same applies to overly emotional people. If you want to control your feelings and be in harmony, you should distance yourself from those who can be called drama queens.

Think about the solution, not the problem

A negative reaction to a difficult situation is one of the most common problems associated with emotions. Feeling sad or angry as a reaction to changed circumstances is normal, but not rational.

You can not stop thinking about the problem, you need to use the time to think through a plan for the next action.

Make a list of possible solutions, be creative and . During work, emotions will fade into the background, you will emerge from the situation as a winner.

Emotions! That's what blinds people's eyes. Through the prism of emotions, the truth is distorted beyond recognition.

Natalya Solntseva. Elixir for Joan of Arc"

Everyone knows that to achieve a good result, as a rule, you need to have a cool head and a clear mind. This applies to almost all undertakings. But very often, people who set goals are faced with the problem of controlling emotions. No matter how smart or reasonable a person is, he tends to make mistakes, especially if he is led by strong emotional outbursts.
This article will tell you how to control your feelings and emotions, not succumb to outbursts of anger and anger, always remain calm and take a sober look at the current situation.

In order to learn to control your emotions First of all, you need to understand the very nature of human sensitivity. Having chosen the tactics of controlling feelings for yourself, you need to correctly understand that control is not suppression and that everyone, even the most impulsive and vulnerable person, can master himself.

Feelings and emotions in the aspect of the modern world

The culture of the modern world continuously imposes on people the opinion that a person is a kind of bundle of emotions, which is obliged to show all his "I" in full glory. As a rule, all the heroes of modern cinema, literature or the gaming industry are people who are guided by completely different emotions and feelings that they do not seek to hide. Anger, envy, hatred, revenge, love, jealousy, devotion and so on. A person can completely subdue his emotions and thoughts, but this is a long work on himself, which many consider unnecessary. But it is worth remembering that we do not live in a fictional world and the violent manifestation of our character does not always play into our hands.

A person on a subconscious level absorbs everything he sees, read or hears and gradually realizes the fact that he is no longer able to control his emotions. Referring to the modern foundations of society, which tirelessly promote the cult of personality, a person is looking for a permanent excuse, trying to defend himself by the fact that the actions were committed in a fit of strong psychological stress.

But we all at least once experienced that feeling of emptiness and disappointment, when, it would seem, everything goes according to plan, but at one moment it breaks down and sometimes there is no more chance to return to the starting point.
Unwittingly, we become hostages of our own ambitions, feelings and beliefs, trying to convince ourselves that it is absolutely not necessary to know how to control our emotions. Human psychology is built in such a way that the desire to show one's own "I" is sometimes much stronger than the desire to achieve the desired result and at the same time completely control one's inner world. But if you still see the point in keeping your desires and emotions under control, then you should figure out why this is necessary?

Control emotions??? TO ME? LOOK AT YOURSELF!

The main reason to learn to control your emotions is the desire to be happy and not reproach yourself for committing rash acts. Emotions constantly take precedence over human consciousness, and this interferes with sober thinking and awareness of the current situation. Very often we regret the things we have done, twist them in our head and imagine various options for getting out of the situation. But why should we think about it after, if everyone has the opportunity to comprehend what is happening at the moment of its accomplishment and take the most advantageous position?

No need to throw words into the wind in vain ... Emotions will pass, only the mind will remain. Well, then you have to correct the situation that you didn’t think about right away ...

Why don't we learn to control our negative emotions? After all, everyone is well aware that our emotions not only devour us ourselves, but also give an advantage to other, calmer people. For opponents, emotional people are an open book. How to control your emotions and why it is necessary is the main question that people should ask who are striving to achieve their goals without damage to their inner world.

Calmness is stronger than emotions. Silence is louder than screaming. Indifference is worse than war.

Emotions have a unique property to multiply. This means that one tiny but powerful emotion can grow to an incredibly large scale, while attracting thousands of its kind. Sounds like a description of a virus, doesn't it? But no matter how bad it may sound, emotions are the viruses of our soul, as long as we control them and keep them within acceptable limits - everything is quiet and calm, but as soon as we give them free rein - everything goes awry. It is because of our emotions that we hurt our loved ones and ourselves, allowing the virus to completely take over us, and our inner demons to show their faces. Negative emotions take over us and drive us into a corner with pleasure, thus preventing us from climbing up.

Emotions in need of control

Before learning the various ways to control emotions and feelings, it is worthwhile to clearly understand and highlight those aspects of your character that most need a strong rein. First of all, it is worth recalling that not only negative emotions can be destructive to your mental state, but also positive feelings sometimes lead to fatal consequences.

Negative emotions do not end in the past, this is their difference from positive ones - they are forced to be projected into the future.

As a rule, all emotions can be divided into three subtypes, which affect a person in different ways and push him to rash acts:

egocentrism and narcissism.
This category includes all emotions that require nourishment from others. These are feelings that require self-affirmation, power, attention, recognition in the eyes of others. People who are focused only on their selfish ambitions suffer from envy, pride, greed and defiant manifestations of their character. The fact that self-improvement is a good character trait has not been canceled. But if you focus too much on your pride, emotions take over the mind and, as a rule, such people do not meet anything but negativity from others, which leads to frequent depression, hatred of others and a feeling of complete loneliness. Selfishness is one of the strongest emotions, which entails a whole chain of various troubles and psychological disappointments.

Weaknesses and complexes.
Another subtype of emotions are human weaknesses that he cannot overcome and because of this falls into a state of despondency. Such a destructive disorder is fraught with laziness, shyness, apathy, blues, fear and cowardice, as well as humility in front of a stronger personality. People who do not control such feelings often lead a secluded life and eventually stop setting any goal.

Carnal needs and desire to escape from reality.
This list will include those desires and emotions that make a person feel unclaimed in life, which causes a desire to hide from reality and get satisfaction with the help of physical aspects, such as gluttony, lust, thirst for money and power, the need for adrenaline and quarrels with others , secrecy and unwillingness to perceive reality.

There are three aspects of the emotional psychology of a person in everyone, so it is important to remember them and clearly understand which trait of your character needs the most control. Further in the article, we will tell you how to learn to control your emotions in relationships with other people and describe the main ways to control yourself. But first of all, you need to understand what benefits such a practice will bring.

What will a person gain who has learned to control the impulses of his emotions?

Positive emotions always outshine negative ones.

There is a whole list of pleasant sensations available only to those people who have learned to control themselves, for example:
1. Feeling good and enjoying every day.
2. Tranquility and peace.
3. Mindfulness and insight.
4. Success in all endeavors and the exact achievement of the goal.
5. Warm relationships with other people.

But the main feature for all people who control their emotions is that they easily manage their lives, do not follow their weaknesses and emotions. You just need to know how to control your emotions, and anger, irritation, dissatisfaction will forever leave the abode of your soul.
Several ways to control emotions

Psychologists all over the world advise several effective ways that will help you learn to control your emotions, get together and make your life bright, bright, and most importantly, planned. Do not forget that in addition to negativity, there are such qualities as patience, kindness, calmness and nobility.

The worst mistake is to respond with emotions to the opponent's emotions.
Instead, a firm, measured response.

TV Series: Lie to Me / Lie To Me (Lie To Me)

Several methods of self-control:
Hold yourself back. In any conflict situation, try to let the negativity pass you by, count to ten and calm down. If you can adequately respond to a provocation, this is your first victory! After this victory, you can begin to slowly suppress emotions, block them and try to ignore any manifestation of them.

Switch yourself to foreign objects. In any situation when you are overcome by anger, in any quarrel, just switch your attention to any object in the room, keep calm and imagine that now you are not hearing a scream, but the singing of birds. Try to disconnect from reality for a while.

Switch the interlocutor to a foreign object. Let him shout or provoke you, just stun him with a completely ridiculous off-topic question, as a rule, this unsettles the interlocutor and the conflict is exhausted.

Self-hypnosis will help you change a negative emotion into something pleasant and soft. Just consider that instead of being angry, you may experience more intense emotions. You can chant mantras - a very powerful way.

It is also easier to control emotions for those who practice various techniques of meditation or prayer, the main aspect of which is built on calmness and peace.

Identification is also an indispensable way to control yourself. Choose a character from a movie / book / cartoon that you want to be like and try on his mask. You must bring the role to the ideal!

The main fighter with all negative emotions is exercise! If you feel anger or other bad emotion, go in for sports and throw it out.

Video about emotional intelligence explains in detail how to learn to control emotions

Learn to be in harmony with yourself, suppress large outbursts of uncontrolled emotions and feelings, and you will notice that life is much brighter and easier than you thought.

This is just a small part of what you can start your self-improvement with. Get to know yourself from all sides!

The inability to control our emotions, sometimes, not in the best way affects our relationships with other people. If you want to avoid problems in many areas of life due to the inability to suppress your anger, jealousy and other negative feelings, then we recommend that you use some simple tips.

Managing your own emotions - good or bad

It should be understood that the control of emotions does not mean a ban on emotions in general. We are talking about the upbringing of an internal culture, which, as a rule, characterizes precisely decent and self-confident people. Please note that there is nothing wrong with freely displaying your spontaneous positive emotions, but this should in no way prevent you from suppressing negative manifestations of feelings in special situations.

As you already understood, control of emotions can be called control, first of all, involuntary emotions, which in turn can be called one of the most important components of a person’s self-control. It is also important to understand that control in no way equals prohibition.

If you learn to control your emotions well at the right time, then, of course, this will only play into your hands. When a person is truly mature, he will not complain about the lack of self-control - he diligently develops it. And in general, complaints are the behavior inherent in children and "adult children" who do not want to grow up.

As a result, we can conclude that for a comfortable life in society, control of emotions is still needed. However, for a neurotic and unrestrained person, this will not be easy - in this case, such a task can do more harm than good. Such a person will be even more annoyed, and as a result, the situation may turn out to be worse than it was originally. At the same time, it is important to emphasize that the total inability to restrain oneself refers to mental disorders, no matter how serious it may sound. Perhaps it makes sense to consult a specialist. If you learn to manage your emotions, then there will be no need to control them.

Remember that the spontaneous nature of emotions interferes with our achievement of long-term goals - with our mood swings, we can complicate our own life at the most inopportune moment. It is very difficult to come to the realization of one's true purpose for a person who regularly succumbs to an emotional outburst.

How to learn to control your emotions and manage them

We often get emotional at the wrong time. Not always one of our reactions is an adequate response in a given situation. Probably, you yourself have noticed that in moments of emotional outburst, often, we think much worse than in a calm state. Sometimes, you just need to move away from the situation, but internal impulses simply do not allow it. And yet, a person who has managed to make himself a developed personality understands how useful it is to be able to manage your emotions. Also, for sure, many understand that an educated person differs from an ill-mannered person in that he is able to control himself, even when it is rather difficult. In general, self-control is very important. What techniques can you use to cultivate self-restraint?

"Hold" your face

This advice is very simple, but has a tremendous effect. Even if a negative emotion has already arisen for you, do not let it show on your face! If you manage to do this, the intensity of emotions will obviously become less.

With some effort, for sure, you will be able to develop the skill of “calm presence” in yourself. As you know, the Indians are famous for the fact that they often skillfully control their emotions - not a single muscle flinches on their face when they are angry, disappointed or surprised. Perhaps, in such a reaction, the true inner strength of a person is manifested. Conclusion: no matter what storms overcome you inside, outwardly you should not demonstrate it.

Breath

In peak situations, it is important to monitor your breathing - when its rhythm changes, the emotional state also undergoes a change. Just calmly inhale and exhale, and your condition will gradually return to normal.

It is highly undesirable to demonstrate your negative emotions in the workplace - this is fraught not only with problems in the team, but, sometimes, with a banal dismissal. However, it is important to note that not only the subordinate, but also the leadership should restrain oneself!

When you are the boss, you need to learn to control yourself emotionally

People who find themselves in leadership positions often cease to adequately evaluate colleagues over time, demanding more from them than they are able or able to give. As a result, an employee who does not live up to expectations falls under emotional fire. Think about it, perhaps in your team there is a similar situation, and you simply demand more from people than they are obliged to do. If this is not the case at all, and you understand that the employee has not coped with his immediate duties, then it is much more effective to reprimand him in a cold and strict tone than to go on shouting.

Ways to deal with emotions when you are a subordinate

The most important thing is not to try on the image of the victim. Sometimes, an employee who is offended by the manager almost “relishes” the painful phrases that he voices. A person does not analyze the spoken words, does not think what caused them - he simply accumulates hatred for the boss. Of course, it is not easy to be neutral towards a person who radiates negativity in your direction, but it is also important to remember that hatred destroys a person, so you should not cherish it. Perhaps, in some similar situation, you are not able to give a worthy rebuff, but you are certainly capable of ignoring. When you realize that the situation has become a peak, just turn off your consciousness. You don't have to prove anything to your opponent. Wait until he speaks out, and only then calmly tell him what you wanted. Do not worry that this will not be timely - this will not cancel the desired effect.

How to become emotionally stable in any situation

Learn to deal with negative emotions and not succumb to them

If you develop the following skills in yourself, then it will be much easier for you to learn how to manage your emotions.

• Attention management. You should pay attention to important, positive things, and try not to focus on the negative.
• Control of facial expressions. In particularly difficult situations, it is advisable to save face and not show that you are overcome by any negative emotions.
• Developed imagination. It helps, if necessary, to distract from unpleasant situations, and “switch” to something else.
• Breath. When you learn to control your breathing, it will be easier for you to calm yourself.

As you already understood, not everyone is able to manage their own emotional state. And in general, not all emotions can be controlled. And yet, each of us can approach the ideal in this sense, if we really want to set ourselves such a task. You can come to this on your own or trust specialists in specialized centers. In the second case, it is important that your mentors have high qualifications, and the centers have a good reputation. To decide on the choice of such an institution, you can read the reviews on the Web.

Remember that our thoughts play a huge role in our life. When we pay attention to the positive aspects, then inside we seem to “start” a positive state. If we focus more on the negative aspects, then we attract more negativity into our lives. Of course, this does not mean at all that you need to ignore life's problems, but learn to treat them constructively: not to be a victim of circumstances, but to look for ways to solve difficulties.

If negative thoughts overwhelm you, try to forcibly switch them, direct them in a positive direction - start thinking about something good, or make some plans that cheer you up. You can simply visualize beautiful pictures in your thoughts - landscapes, loved ones in a festive setting, and so on.

In moments when you are trying to get your emotions under control, you should think about how you benefit from being in a negative state. Often, a person does not realize that fear, anger or resentment is not a natural or natural state at all. In fact, this is our personal choice, and subconsciously we decided that it is beneficial to us in the current situation and solves some of our problems. Until you understand why you chose to experience this state, it will be difficult for you to get rid of it.

Do not suppress or hide your emotions - it is important to be able to control them

As we have already noted, do not forbid yourself to express emotions. We are talking about something completely different - emotions need to be kept under control! Do not give vent to too negative manifestations of feelings, and allow yourself to demonstrate a positive mood. Let's find out what a person who is not able to control negative emotions can lose.

1) Positive state

A person who has been overcome by negative feelings is hardly capable of thinking positively. Having succumbed to the influence of anger, anger, or something like that, he is unlikely to be able to “tune in” to another wave in the near future.

2) Calmness

Sometimes, this is even more important than being positive. A person who is in a calm state is always able to think more soberly than one who is subject to overwhelming emotions.

3) Relationships

Unfortunately, many relationships, which include love, friendship, business, are collapsing due to the fact that someone failed to restrain the flow of negativity in time. Often such behavior undermines trust, kills feelings, which in the end often leads to a break in relations.

4) Reputation

A person who allows himself the frequent manifestation of negative emotions is unlikely to have a reputation as a respected and adequate person. When you don’t know what to expect from the interlocutor or you assume that he may suddenly flare up or something like that, you try to limit communication with him. Gradually, an opinion is formed about a person that does not paint him at all.

5) Control over life

Those who are not able to control their emotions cannot fully control their lives. By succumbing to a sudden impulse, a person can lose a lot or face other unpleasant consequences of his impulse. As a result, the life of such a person develops less successfully than it could.

In general, the list of losses does not end there, but it is already clear from the points listed above that the lack of control over emotions can sometimes lead to an unpleasant outcome.

Of course, when there are children in the family, the nervous situation in the family may not develop in the best way for their subsequent psychological development. In the presence of children, it is especially important to control your emotions!

Techniques for coping with over-emotionality

identification technique. It can help in some peak situations when you need to control yourself. In such cases, it is useful to imagine yourself not as yourself, but as someone else. You can try on the image of some hero or person that you want to be like in such moments. Accordingly, you should react and act in the same way as the person with whom you identify yourself would do. The method is quite suitable for creative people with a developed imagination.

Self-hypnosis technique. You may well use a simplified self-hypnosis technique. At the right time, you should say certain attitudes to yourself: “I control myself”, “I am invulnerable and calm”, “Nothing will drive me crazy”, and the like.

Parenting Books on Managing Emotions

If you understand that your family members do not always manage to cope with the intensity of any emotions, then, of course, it makes sense to read the literature that teaches you to cope with the manifestation of negativity.

What books are worth paying special attention to? You may like the methodology that Richard Fitfield offers in his book “Managing Emotions. Creation of harmonious relations. Also a lot of useful information can be gleaned in the book "The New Positive Psychology: A Scientific View of Happiness and the Meaning of Life" (Seligman Martin E.P.). For many parents, the work of Capponi W. and Novak T. “Your own psychologist” or Rainwater J. “It is in your power to help in managing emotions can help. How to become your own psychotherapist.

Emotion management does not need to be presented as a particularly difficult task, however, it should not be ignored either. It is often difficult to achieve the set goal for people who have already missed the moment of the emergence of emotions, did not warn her and the actions of the interlocutors who created these emotions.

It is easy for an experienced specialist to understand whether a person is able to control his emotions by studying his “body language”. If a person is imperturbable, his body is relaxed and collected - he is probably able to master his condition at the right moment. If a person's movements are chaotic, his gaze is uncertain or wandering, then, apparently, it is not easy for him to cope with possible negative reactions. Also, a specialist can give a very disappointing assessment to a person whose body is very tense, clamped, or as if “trembling”. What is meant by the last definition? "Rattle" is characterized by uncontrolled tension running through the body - it can be twitching of the fingers, lips, muscles near the eyes, and so on. These symptoms can be learned to be controlled by practicing "calm presence" which is specifically mentioned in this article.

There is another important condition for managing emotions - you should learn to relax yourself in various conditions and situations. Always make sure that the body is in a calm state - such a skill will provide you with wonderful results.

Some believe that in a love relationship it is not necessary to restrain their emotions, believing that a loved one should accept them "as they are." It is worth noting that for the time being this may happen, but one day a flurry of negative emotions can still kill the feelings of even the most loving partner. At the same time, this happens completely involuntarily - it’s just that a person once realizes that he is tired of unreasonable jealousy, irascibility, aggression, resentment, or other impartial emotions of a lover.

When this critical moment comes, it becomes difficult to correct the situation, and sometimes even impossible. Of course, in order not to lead to such an outcome, it is better to initially value your relationship, and not allow spontaneous negative emotions to destroy the trust and harmony that have developed in a couple. Remember that one thoughtless word can echo in all your subsequent relationships with your loved one.

Don Juan on the control of emotions (Carlos Castaneda "Controlled Stupidity")

The last point will tell you about stalking - a special technique that helps to track down your emotions and feelings in order to keep them under control. In Castaneda's writings, don Juan says that stalking can be called "controlled stupidity." If you have studied English, then you probably know that the word "stalking" comes from the verb "to stalk", which means "to secretly pursue, using various tricks and tricks", and usually refers to hunting. A hunter is called a stalker. Don Juan Matus taught Castaneda how to hunt, first offering to study the habits of wild animals.

The author of the book is convinced that one should not forget about the stalker's method in everyday life. It is obvious that the actions of the stalker, as a rule, are based on observations, and not at all on what he thinks. Often we are unable to distinguish between our ideas and reality, confusing observation with judgment. Meanwhile, when a hunter watches, there is no place in his thoughts for reflection, condemnation, internal dialogue - he simply watches what is happening.

Carlos Castaneda points out our attention to the fact that, at times, we not only do not control our negative emotions, but also indulge them. Many people know what it means to be offended by someone, angry or suffering for many years, without doing anything that could eliminate this condition.

Don Juan calls this self-indulgence, weakness, and self-pity a waste of energy that brings only fatigue and deprives us of many accomplishments. Of course, there is no doubt that a person who indulges in such weaknesses becomes weak himself.