Polygamy of a man from a religious point of view. What does a polygamous man mean?

Male polygamy is one of the most common stereotypes in society. You can often hear the female half say that a man is a “walker” by nature. Women's polygamy is talked about less often; it is believed that this is the lot of men. Is it so?

What is polygamy?

Polygamy is a person's tendency to have multiple relationships with the opposite sex. The concept comes from the word polygamy (Greek. pολύς – many, γάμος - marriage) is a marriage in which a man or woman has several marriage partners. In nature, the phenomenon of polygamy in males is called polygyny, and this sexual behavior helps preserve the species through numerous offspring.

Is a person polygamous or monogamous?

The question of whether a person is polygamous is of interest to biologists and sociologists. Science does not give a definite answer; in most cases, it is believed that monogamy prevails when an individual has a desire to continue his family, but when the relationship becomes stable and the children grow up, then consistent polygamy can arise: and new offspring. Men or women who do not want to destroy their family have extramarital affairs that are carefully hidden.

Reasons for polygamy

What pushes a person to multiple connections or relationships. There are several reasons for polygamy:

1. Survival. Since ancient times, humanity has experienced many wars, outbreaks of various epidemics, and genocide. Men died in battles, children died, and in order to somehow compensate for the balance, the instinct of procreation awakens in men through connections with several partners at once.
2. Traditions. Religion and the way of society play a role here. Polygamy is supported in a number of Islamic states, the reasons are also rooted in the past, when high mortality rates prevailed. Some nations still have a custom: in the event of the death of her husband, the woman and her children go under the protection of another brother, becoming his wife, even if he is married at that time.
3. Love for several at once. This also happens when a man or woman, being married, falls in love with another, and at the same time strives. More often these are affairs on the side, which are kept secret so as not to hurt the spouses.
4. Prestige. In certain business circles, having multiple mistresses provides authority.
5. Psychological complexes. Psychologists talk about polygamy in the modern world as an inferiority complex. “Don Juans”, “Casanovas” are afraid to build serious relationships that mean responsibility and polygamy here is a way to prove to others “how good and successful I am!”

Polygamy of men

Male polygamy, scientists believe, is caused by the fact that there are fewer men as a percentage of women. According to statistics, the difference is small (50:52), but boys are born weaker and their mortality rate in infancy is higher than that of girls. Polygamy in men is a phenomenon in society carefully supported by the stronger half of humanity. Male polygamy has been traced by historians since the times of the Old Testament:

1. The great King Solomon, according to various sources, had up to 700 wives in his harem.
2. Artaxerxes II Persian ruler of the Achaemenid dynasty - 336 wives and concubines, 150 children.
3. Vladimir Krasno Solnyshko - before receiving baptism, he was known as a great libertine and, mired in fornication, had up to 800 wives.

Polygamy of women

Polygamy in women is a less common phenomenon, condemned by modern society and causing rejection in a person with a European mentality. The concept of female polygamy is associated with impartial epithets directed at them. The main reason, according to anthropologists, lies in the fact that a woman is looking for a biologically strong male with good genetics to procreate; along the way, she can change a sufficient number of partners. Psychologists have divided polygamous women into types:

1. "Snow White"- believes that “quantity is more important than quality.” A woman over 30 years old who hasn’t had enough exercise in her time. Practical. She values ​​generosity in men: gifts, “outings into society.”
2. "Alpha Females"- often this is a business woman, a mature lady choosing younger partners. She can afford relationships with several “young men” at once.

Types of polygamy

Polygamy is an adaptive phenomenon characteristic of the animal world, and man, as a part of nature, tends to follow the manifestation of his instincts. Polygamy is divided into types:

1. Polyandry is a rare form of marriage where a woman has several husbands. Fronternal polyandry - a girl marries her brothers, such a marriage allows her to use land inheritance without dividing it. Female polygamy, as a type of relationship, is practiced by ≈ 50 nationalities and is officially legalized in the countries:

• Tibet;
• some states of India (Rajasthan, Zanskar);
• Polynesia;
• Nigeria;
• regions of the Far North.

Polygamy - pros and cons

From a biological and psychological point of view, polygamy is attractive to men and has a number of advantages and disadvantages in contrast to monogamy, and very few disadvantages. What is more in reality? Pros of polygamy:

1. The man is confident in himself, surrounded by an aura of mystery. Women intuitively feel the demand of the “male” and this attracts them.
2. Care, warmth and affection provided by wives or mistresses.
3. The difficulties of choosing when you need to choose one life partner are over.
4. Diversity of the gene pool: offspring from different “females” provides a “footprint in history.”
5. When you part with one, others remain.

Cons of polygamy:

• if this is not an officially legalized relationship, you have to lie and dodge;
• fear of being exposed;
• big waste of money;
• inheritance disputes;
• in case of ruin or injury, the family is left without support;
• less time is spent on children.

Polygamy in Christianity

Polygamous relationships are suppressed by the Christian denomination and are considered unacceptable. it is replete with examples of polygamy. The Holy Fathers explain this by the Fall of man, because even in the Garden of Eden God entered into a monogamous union between Adam and Eve. The Old Testament is “replete” with polygamous relationships and only in the New Testament, according to the teachings of the first Apostle Paul, marriage appears as a sacred sacrament of two people: “let the husband cleave to his wife, and the wife to her husband,” everything else is adultery, a sin.

Polygamy in Judaism

Among Jews, the phenomenon of polygamy - polygamy has been common since ancient times. Only wealthy people could afford several wives. The Torah, the sacred scripture of the Jews, prescribed having a second wife if the first one was barren or weak. In the 11th century, Rabbi Meor Gershom decreed a 1,000-year-old decree requiring no more than one wife and prohibiting divorce without her consent. Modern Jews are in favor of bringing back polygamy in order to correct the demographic situation in Israel; in their opinion, the 1000-year period has already ended.

Polygamy in Islam

Polygamy among Muslims is a common and widespread phenomenon, based on the ancient way of life. Common in areas where there are more women. What is polygamy among Muslim peoples:

• any man has the right to take several wives;
• everyone decides for themselves whether to take advantage of this right or not;
• marital relations should be fair and equal for everyone;
• If a man cannot provide for more than one wife, polygamy is prohibited for him.

In living nature, there are different mating tendencies of males and females. Depending on this, they form monogamous or polygamous marriages. Let's note that this tendency is observed in all representatives of this species, both among females and males. Why, then, do intelligent people have a clear attitude towards the tendency of men towards polygamy, and women towards monogamy? And with whom, if there are almost equal numbers of sexually mature men and women, do these same polygamous men satisfy their aspirations? Let's try to understand this in more detail.

The social component of this view

“Men don't dance. They constantly want to start new intimate relationships, drink vodka, eat fatty meat, change cars, watch football...” That’s it? Or is there another list of what a “real man” “should want”? Our society loves to hand out templates. And if a man (or woman - it doesn’t matter) strives to correspond to them not because he really wants to, but because it is “necessary” and “right” - this is a huge internal problem. Personality is formed not as a separate unit, but as a small speck from a mountain of sand, like a cog. In principle, this kind of “cookie cutter” life is often used in totalitarian societies, where a person is told what he should think, feel and do. Why is this catching on? Because living according to a template actually removes personal responsibility. After all, I’m not like that, life is like that. And all men are polygamous, but I do not have the will to control and morality.

But there is another point. Positioning and actually doing are two different things. If you remember the old joke, when one man complained about a decrease in potency, “but Ivan, at eighty, tells what miracles he works.” What did the knowledgeable doctor say to this? “And you tell me!” That is, it is important for a man to have status and weight in society, to be accepted and respected. Therefore, he can position himself as polygamous, communicate easily and warmly with the fair sex, make acquaintances and... return to one permanent partner.

There is also a purely Slavic version of social background - early marriages with the birth of children. Our culture still has a hard time accepting thoughtfulness and responsibility for our actions. The peak of sexual need in men is not always associated with planning for future life. And the same society pushes very young girls to “desire to get married.” So such novels end with the birth of a child. The woman is immersed in other worries, and the man simply begins to miss her as a sexual partner. Of course, if there is a person who can give advice or an authority who is able to instill some moral principles and standards of behavior, that’s one thing. But this is hard work on yourself. And if the new dad is still a child himself, then what kind of work on himself can we talk about? He is simply psychologically not ready for responsibility. So it turns out that under the banner of polygamy for men, the wife goes to the maternity hospital, and the husband goes to a new relationship.

What is the true reason for men's monogamy?

But there are situations when the desire for various contacts, even without publicizing them, is a true need of a man. He justifies them with the accepted myth. But, in fact, there are two reasons:

• problem of personal self-esteem;
• problem of relationships with your main partner.

Overcoming personal problems

Sometimes the inability to stop in a series of women, which is justified by the same polygamy, is an indicator of personal difficult experiences, such as:

• fear of becoming emotionally attached to a person and being dependent on him, and possibly abandoned by him;
• fear that you are getting old;
• dislike in childhood, difficult and cold relationship with mother;
• and even the fear of being judged, because it is much more difficult to understand incompetence at once.

But in general, these are problems with a man’s self-esteem. There is no need to hide behind a general phrase here. After all, the trouble is that the man himself is not happy with such diversity. And problems exist not only in the intimate sphere. Therefore, pull yourself together and go for a consultation with a psychologist.

Problems with your main woman

Here, as they say, there are so many stories - so many unique situations. Women can also be inattentive and authoritarian, from whom a driven man will never completely leave, but sleeping with a general is not always a pleasure.

Some women become inflexible in relationships and lose the desire to adapt to the interests and desires of a man. For example, they stop visiting him, going to the stadium, or sharing his hobbies. Trusted ties are broken and it is difficult for a man to ask such a wife to diversify her boring relationship. He simply can’t bring himself to tell her that today he would prefer a blonde in red lingerie, and tomorrow a nurse or a flight attendant. Role-playing games designed to stir up interest in the same partner are considered taboo. Naturally, it is easier and simpler for such a man to get relief on the side than to rebuild the current situation.

In addition, a variety of circumstances can prevent you from completely breaking off an outdated relationship: joint property, children, relatives, status and much more. So the man ends up with two “full-fledged” families.

There are also more confusing situations when a man turns out to be “either married or not.” Such examples could be: a long-term illness of a spouse without the possibility of full intimacy with her, long-term work away from family, etc. That is, in such a situation it is difficult to even talk about polygamy. After all, in essence, some intimate relationships fade away and are replaced by others (often the only ones).

Is it worth fighting against a man's polygamy?

As we can see from what was stated earlier, polygamy is a response to something: either a social attitude, or personal problems. Is it worth and possible to fight the reaction? Of course not. This will only lead to better disguise of relationships on the side. After all, it is impossible to fight it without solving the main problem. But it’s worth solving the root cause in order to finally understand how wonderful it is to have a harmonious relationship that pleases and inspires you, and which you don’t want to change for anything.

Well, the natural determinism of male polygamy should be left for those who feel themselves at the level of an animal, and not a strong-willed and reasonable person. After all, if nature gave us the opportunity to eat food, we don’t burst from the fact that we try to eat an elephant in one go.

But there are situations when it is difficult for a man to agree to psychotherapy. He has already built such a strong “protective shell” that he has no desire to dig up old grievances and problems. He is fine". And here the woman has to decide: whether to maintain such a relationship, or think about her experiences.

Disputes about polygamy often arise in families where a man has been caught cheating. A representative of the stronger sex justifies his love for other women as a biological feature, a call of nature, which he simply cannot resist, while a woman considers such an act to be irresponsible and promiscuous. Are men really prone to polygamy or is it just an excuse? Let’s try to understand this complex issue, because understanding it can affect the future life together of a man and a woman.

Monogamy and polygamy

Let’s say right away that we will have to disappoint those women who are sure that the man is monogamous. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Scientists have long proven that attraction to several women in the same period of time is not only promiscuity and a disregard for the partner. Polygamy can be explained by physical reasons and even male psychology.

At the same time, we will say that we are not trying to justify the behavior of representatives of the stronger sex, but are only trying to understand the reasons that push men into the arms of other women. Perhaps this will help to understand men and take appropriate measures regarding their behavior, because as practice shows, even a polygamous man can be an exemplary husband and caring father, it all depends on the behavior of the woman next to him.

Why is a man polygamous?

Polygamy in male genes

Initially, we will say that in ancient times, before the spread of the Christian and Jewish faiths on Earth, almost all human societies were polygamous. This worldview, natural for ancient people, was explained by a simple reason - the need for survival. For centuries, bloody wars exterminated primarily the male population, and therefore the birth of boys was considered a vital necessity. In this regard, the creation of harems, where one man impregnated several women, became a natural way out of the situation. Moreover, the birth of a boy was considered a great joy, while girls born were not favored. This situation has remained unchanged for thousands of years.

Is it any wonder that even with the development of a cultural society, many men find it difficult to restrain their instincts? These instincts, embedded in male genes, date back several hundred thousand years (!), while cultural traditions appeared at most 3,000 years ago, and even today not all of them insist on being faithful to their partner.

Polygamy at the biological level

Biologically, a man is also not inclined towards monogamy. The fact is that, as a legacy from past times, representatives of the stronger half of humanity inherited a large hypothalamus, which naturally produces large doses of testosterone. The high content of this hormone in the blood determines the tendency of men to sexual pleasure. By the way, studies have shown that 68% of men on the planet are obsessed with sex, while only 3% of women experience similar feelings. But, it would seem, what prevents a man from satisfying his intimate desires with one single partner?

Rooster effect

Scientists have long noticed that one of the most lustful individuals in the animal world is the rooster, which is capable of copulating with hens more than 60 times a day! But what’s interesting is that after 5 matings with one hen, the rooster completely loses interest in his partner and no longer approaches her. At the same time, seeing a new hen, the rooster is again full of strength and is ready to trample her with the same enthusiasm as the previous partner. A similar attitude towards females is also observed in other animals, such as bulls or rams. And even attempts by scientists to modify the partner so that the male would not recognize her did not yield results. In this regard, animals cannot be fooled. In this way, nature makes sure that the male disperses his own seed as much as possible for the survival of the species.

A man behaves almost the same way with his partners. For the first 2-3 years of marriage, he experiences passion and attraction to a woman, having sex with her with pleasure, however, over time, his passion begins to gradually fade away. At the same time, meeting a new girl again fills a man with desire.

Polygamy as a psychological problem

Women pay attention to the fact that not all men are polygamous. Why then can some of them not control their instincts? According to psychologists, adult promiscuity in men has its roots in childhood. This attitude towards the opposite sex is most often observed in those men who really missed their mother in childhood. Carrying through life the desire for maternal care, the boy grows into a man, and his need for maternal affection is transformed into a craving for affection from all women. Moreover, the more women there are, the more love a man feels.

True, there is another explanation for male polygamy. Very often, sexually promiscuous men grow up from boys who were raised jointly by their mother and grandmother. For such a man, the women who raised him are the most precious in his life, and therefore, as an adult, he will secretly look for not one, but two women at once for his comfort. Moreover, if you analyze, the wife, in her inner feminine qualities, will be similar to the grandmother, and the mother to the mistress, or vice versa.

Polygamy as a physiological reason

Finally, some scientists openly say that men are polygamous and explain this by physiology. According to their version, during sexual contact a woman’s body secretes special substances that enhance male desire, i.e. are a natural erection stimulant. Moreover, the higher the degree of arousal, the more substances the female body produces. It’s only after several years of regular sexual relations that a man simply gets used to the substances that his partner’s body secretes and stops reacting to them. At the same time, he really wants to return those unforgettable sensations that he experienced at the very beginning of their acquaintance, during their first sexual intercourse. And he finds a way to return them, because all that is needed for this is to enter into an intimate relationship with another woman. This internal desire leads men to the desire to have a mistress or even several mistresses.

Typically, having sexual relations with several women at once, the process of getting used to such “stimulants” is more difficult. That is why, if there is an intimate life “on the side,” a man perceives sex with his other half more emotionally. Apparently this is where the well-known saying “A good leftist strengthens a marriage” arose.

What to do about male polygamy?

So, it is worth recognizing that a man is polygamous by nature. But what can a woman do in such a situation? Really reconcile?

Not at all necessary! Psychologists say that this problem can be solved; the main thing is to establish a trusting and sincere relationship with your partner. It is important that the man opens up completely, realizes his problem and shows a desire to solve it together. Of course, on the path to finding harmony with one single and desired woman, one cannot avoid mental anguish and torment, and perhaps even psychological disorders. However, by directing all his energy to the woman he loves, a man will be able to find that peace and that love that he unsuccessfully tries to find in other women.

There is also some information for the women themselves. Remember, the more you captivate your man, the more often you appear before him as different, mysterious and unpredictable, the more you will meet his standard of female attractiveness, and the less he will look at other women. Every woman has hope for a strong family and pure mutual love. It is only important to understand what ideal your man dreams of and become such an ideal for him!
Love to you and family well-being!

“Men are polygamous, and women are monogamous”, “all men walk to the left, this is male nature”, “women always wait for their one and only” - such opinions can be found with amazing frequency both on the Internet and in decent communication. These stereotypes are sometimes so persistent that it never occurs to us to question them. However, how true are they?

What do scientists say?

In nature, approximately 90% of bird species and 5% of mammals are monogamous (that is, they create stable pairs and raise offspring together), and among primates (which scientists also include humans) this figure is 23%. Scientists are still debating what kind of species Homo Sapience is by nature - polygamous or monogamous.

Some researchers believe that people are polygamous and the biological task of a man in this case is to impregnate as many women as possible, and the task of a woman is to become pregnant from the most status and physically strong man.

But this point of view is not confirmed by historians and anthropologists. According to them, our ancestors, just like modern primitive tribes, formed couples to live together and raise children. Such unions were beneficial from the point of view of population survival, since they allowed both parents to share responsibilities and care for the offspring. According to researcher Tom Smith, “such marriages on the one hand guaranteed the wife and children the care and support of the husband/father, and on the other hand, they guaranteed the husband that the children in whom he was investing his resources were from him. Contrary to popular belief, societies did not exist and do not exist where sexual and love relationships were not regulated by tradition or law. These traditions may be more or less rigid, but they are always there.” However, no matter what point of view scientists adhere to, they agree that all people should be considered monogamous or polygamous, without making a distinction between men and women.

Speaking about the differences between men and women, scientists also often point out that men have higher levels of testosterone, a hormone responsible, among other things, for sexual desire. But based on this, it cannot be concluded that men are prone to polygamy, since testosterone stimulates precisely sexual desire, and not the desire to have as many sexual partners as possible.

What do sociologists and psychologists say?

If we were writing an article about hamsters or dwarf jerboas, then the discussion could end there - all biological theories have been dismantled, there is nothing further to discuss. However, humans, unlike animals, are not controlled by physiology and hormones alone. Therefore, let's look at how the sexual behavior of men and women differs, based on modern sociological research.

In general, according to the results of surveys and social experiments, men do tend to have more sexual partners, move on to sexual relationships more quickly, and even think about sex more often than women. As a result of a social experiment conducted in the United States, 72% of men agreed to have sex with a pretty stranger. While all the women who participated in the experiment refused to have sex with a handsome stranger.

According to one survey, American men on average would prefer to have 18 sexual partners in their lifetime, while women on average preferred to stop at 4. But in reality, both men and women had approximately the same number of sexual partners (4 for men and 3.5 for women). In addition, a fairly large percentage of Americans, regardless of gender, remain faithful to one partner all their lives (among people over 60 years old this is 40%, and among thirty-year-olds 25%).

In other words, in sociological surveys, both men and women, as a rule, express only their desired position, trying to comply as much as possible with social norms, which prescribe that a man should strive to have many sexual partners, and a woman should strive to find “the one.” The real situation may differ significantly from what it appears on the basis of dry statistics. In practice, the number of sexual partners differs little between men and women.

What is the attitude towards the ideas of polygamy/monogamy/infidelity in Russia?

According to surveys by the Levada Center, regardless of gender, the majority of Russians (63%) consider adultery unacceptable. Among men, those who do not see anything reprehensible in cheating are 34%, while among women - 16%. But these differences are not significant enough to suggest that men are more accepting of or more likely to cheat. Regardless of gender, Russians most often aim for monogamy in permanent relationships.

In a word, each person builds his own personal life and decides for himself how many sexual partners he will have - one, a couple of dozen, or none at all. But whatever choice we make, it is we who make it, and not the X or Y chromosomes in our DNA.