Understand that I'm annoying. How to find out what a person is thinking by his eyes, the degree of dilation of his pupils, involuntary movements of the eyeballs and the direction of his gaze using basic NLP techniques
The initial stage of NLP or hypnotic influence is to collect personal information about the object on which you are going to further influence. You can find out a lot about what a person is thinking at the moment by his eyes, the degree of dilation of his pupils, involuntary movements of the eyeballs and the direction of his gaze using basic NLP techniques
Therefore, expressions have become firmly established in our everyday life: he has an evil eye, his eyes sparkle suspiciously, she incinerated him with her gaze, eyes like a child’s, darting eyes, an enticing gaze. Even in ancient China, jewelers practiced observing the pupils of those who wished to purchase jewelry. When the purchase price was discussed, they carefully watched the eyes of the buyers. In ancient times, prostitutes dropped belladonna into their eyes to dilate their pupils and make them appear more attractive.
Young lovers, looking carefully into each other's eyes, wait for the dilation of their partner's pupils at the subconscious level. It's very exciting.
Eye movements.
Only face-to-face communication can be called real communication. We immediately feel with whom we feel comfortable, with whom we feel awkward or unpleasant, and who is not trustworthy. We subconsciously evaluate how a person looks and how long they hold their gaze on us during communication.
Many signals, called “body language,” are determined by nationality and traditions. This also applies to the look. For example, in the south of Europe it is customary to look into the eyes of your interlocutor during a conversation, but in Japan such a gesture will be taken as an insult. It is customary there to look at the neck of the interlocutor during a conversation. Before making hasty conclusions about your interlocutor’s attitude towards you, first remember what this means in his national traditions.
Business look
For business negotiations, you should choose a certain tactic in your gaze. Imagine a triangle on the interlocutor’s face between the lips and eyes. If you direct your gaze inward to this area, you will give the impression of being serious. Your partner will have a feeling of confidence in you as a reliable person. You will also be able to control the conversation if your gaze does not fall below the eye level of the interlocutor. The trick is that you don't have to look directly into the eyes. If you look past your eyes a little, you can easily withstand any gaze, and the interlocutor will not be able to understand that you are looking past.
What are the different views:
Informal look
For friendly communication and creating a warm atmosphere, people unconsciously use an “informal” gaze, when the eyes of the interlocutor look lower than the eyes of the partner. And if you just want to create an atmosphere, take advantage of this. As some experiments have shown, when communicating informally, a triangular area can also be identified on the face, which is located between the eyes and mouth.
Intimate look
When the interlocutor's gaze glides over the face and other parts of the body. If people are close, the area of gaze can stretch to the chest, and if at some distance, then to the genitals. Thus, both women and men try to show interest in the interlocutor. If a person is interested in you, he will return the same look.
If a man notices that a woman is looking sideways at him and her gaze is glancing over her intimate areas, he will most likely decide that the woman wants to lure him. If someone wants to demonstrate inaccessibility, you just need to avoid intimate looks, and limit yourself to an informal look. If you use a businesslike look during courtship, then most likely your partner will find you cold, unfriendly and even repulsive, no matter how beautiful you are.
If you start looking at your partner with an intimate gaze, then know that you are losing control over the situation, because now your intentions are absolutely clear. Women are very good at both sending and recognizing such glances; men are very behind in this matter, although it would be worth learning.
During courtship, the eyes play a very significant role. To enhance this effect, women use makeup. A man, at the subconscious level, perceives the gaze of a woman in love with him, because when she looks at him, her pupils dilate. Maybe this is why it has become a tradition to date in dim lighting, because in the dark our pupils dilate.
Men send intimate glances that are easy to recognize, but, to the great disappointment of women, they themselves almost never notice it.
Sideways glance
Such a look can mean either hostility or interest towards the interlocutor. If a person smiles and raises his eyebrows high, then he is clearly interested in you. A hostile or critical person, on the contrary, brings his eyebrows together on the bridge of his nose and frowns, and the corners of his mouth droop.
Drooping eyelids
We are usually annoyed by people who lower their eyelids while talking.
The pupils can narrow or dilate not only from the mood, but also from the lighting. Usually the pupils are dilated in an excited person. When excited, they can become up to four times their normal size. Well, and vice versa, in an angry, irritated, negatively inclined person, the pupils narrow to the very minimum size. This is also called the snake gaze, or beady eyes.
The duration of visual contact is also influenced not only by the attitude of the interlocutors to each other, but also by distance. During close communication, the interlocutors rarely look at each other, but the greater the distance, the longer the eye contact. If the interlocutors sit on both sides of the table, then communication will occur most effectively. The distance will not be very far, but enough to make good eye contact.
Studies have been conducted in which opponents of professional card players wore sunglasses. Experienced gamblers in this case won much less often than when they saw the opponent's eyes.
Women tend to linger for a long time on those people they like, while men, on the contrary, look for a long time at those who like them. Women often use direct gaze when communicating and do not perceive it as a challenge. And even vice versa, among women such a look is considered a manifestation of interest in her person, a desire to establish an acquaintance. Although, for that matter, women do not perceive all direct views from men positively. It depends on the man himself.. When a man looks at a stranger, he usually looks for open areas of the body and looks past her clothes. Or on the contours of the chest, legs, waist, buttocks.
Women, averting their eyes to the side, still try to see the direction of the man’s gaze. This usually means that the man is not indifferent to her.
If a woman’s gaze is directed above the interlocutor, and not at him, then one should not delude himself; she is unlikely to experience romantic feelings. Most of all, she is puzzled by the thought of how to make the most profitable use of a suitor who has turned up.
If a woman quickly looks at a man and looks away before he can catch it, this is the so-called “shooting with the eyes.” But the “languid look” suggests that the hobby has grown into something more, and the woman is not against striking up a romantic acquaintance. A languid look from under lowered eyelashes, he calls for a new relationship, this is not just curiosity. The woman really liked the man, that’s why she looks like that. If you are still familiar at the level of shooting with your eyes, this is a call to get to know each other better, an invitation card. A man is obliged to come up and say something after such a look.
A direct gaze does not always indicate the openness and honesty of its owner. Well-trained deceivers are quite capable of fixing a direct gaze into the eyes of their interlocutor, while also controlling their hands so that they do not reach towards their face. After all, when a person lies, especially if he is a naive child, his hands are always near his face, blocking his nose, mouth, and his eyes dart.
It is believed that if during a conversation a person makes eye contact with the interlocutor less than 1/3 of the time, then he is either trying to hide something important or is simply being dishonest. Eye contact that lasts more than 2/3 of the conversation may indicate one of two things: You are very attractive and attractive to the interlocutor. The interlocutor is aggressive towards you.
One can be distinguished from the other by the pupils. If the person you're talking to likes you, their icons are expanded. If his pupils narrow to the size of a pinhead, then this means a non-verbal challenge and hostility.
Let it not be surprising that a person is shy and nervous, who, due to his mental organization, avoids making eye contact with his interlocutor; his gaze constantly darts around and does not inspire confidence.
Decoding views
The so-called “shifting eyes” - such eye movements are made involuntarily when a person experiences anxiety, shame, deception, fear, neurasthenia;
Eyes shining - fever, excitement, intoxication with alcohol or drugs;
enlarged pupils - a person gets pleasure from information, he is interested, he likes it at the moment, this can be from communication, photography, food, music, a partner and other external factors, acceptance of something, but dilated pupils can also indicate severe suffering ;
chaotic movements of the pupils are a sign of intoxication (the more ridiculous these movements are, the drunker the person is);
increased blinking - excitement or deception.
A subject who looks you in the eyes less than one third of the time that you communicate is either deceiving or hiding something;
They stare at you persistently and openly. The interlocutor is very interested in you (pupils are dilated), shows a hostile attitude (pupils are constricted) or wants to dominate. 
The contraction and dilation of the pupils is not subject to consciousness, therefore, by observing them, one can fully measure the degree of interest. Control You can still control your gaze, but you won’t be able to control your pupils.
We already know that dilation of the pupils means increased interest in you; their narrowing will indicate hostility. However, these manifestations of the thought process should be observed in dynamics, because the size of the pupil also depends on the illumination. If you started a conversation in a bright room and continued in a dimly lit corridor, and you notice that the interlocutor’s pupils have dilated, then don’t think that he has a crush on you, it’s just become darker. In bright light, the pupils become very constricted; in twilight, the pupils dilate.
Pay attention to the direction of your gaze. The interlocutor, looking up, or to the left in relation to himself and up, is trying to remember some kind of visual image
If he looks to the right and up, it means he is performing visual construction. In other words, he tries to imagine something he has never seen.
Looking down to the left - internal conversation with yourself.
Our eyes usually follow our thoughts, and sometimes, just by looking into our eyes, other people can understand what we are thinking about. Would you agree that reading another person's thoughts through their eyes is a very useful skill? Thanks to this, everyone will be able to understand whether they are being deceived or determine whether your interlocutor is interested in what you are telling him about. Poker players master this useful skill perfectly.
"Eyes to eyes". Such contact with the interlocutor indicates that he is very interested in talking with you. Prolonged eye contact may indicate that the person is scared and/or doesn't trust you. Brief eye contact means the person is anxious and/or not interested in talking to you. And the complete lack of eye contact indicates the complete indifference of your interlocutor to your conversation.
The man looks up. Eyes raised upward are a sign of contempt, sarcasm, or irritation directed at you. In most cases, such a “gesture” means a manifestation of condescension.
If a person looks at the upper right corner, he visually imagines the picture stored in memory. Ask someone to describe the appearance of a person, and your interlocutor will certainly raise his eyes up and look to the right.
If a person averts his eyes to the upper left corner, this indicates that he is visually trying to imagine something. When we try to use our imagination to visually “draw” some picture, we raise our eyes up and look to the left.
If your interlocutor is looking to the right, it means that he is trying to remember something. Try asking someone to remember the melody of a song, and the person will definitely glance to the right.
Looking to the left, people come up with sounds. When a person imagines a sound or composes a new melody, he looks to the left. Ask someone to imagine the sound of a car horn underwater, and they will certainly look to the left.
If your interlocutor lowers his eyes and looks to the right, this person is conducting a so-called “internal” dialogue with himself. The person you're talking to may be thinking about something you said, or they may be thinking about what to tell you next.
If a person lowers his eyes down and looks to the left, he is thinking about his impression of something. Ask your interlocutor how he feels on his birthday, and before answering you, the person will lower his eyes and look to the left.
By lowering our eyes, we show that we do not feel very comfortable or even embarrassed. Often, if a person is shy or does not want to talk, he lowers his eyes. In Asian culture, not looking a person in the eye and looking down when talking is the norm.
These "rules" are generally followed by all of us. But left-handed people do the opposite: right-handed people look to the right, left-handed people look to the left, and vice versa.
How can you tell if someone is lying to you?
There is no absolutely correct algorithm by which you can determine whether your interlocutor is lying or not. The best option is to ask a basic question, such as “what color is your car?” If a person raises his eyes and looks to the right (or left, if he is left-handed), then he can be trusted. Thus, in the future you can understand whether you are being deceived or not.
For example, while telling you about something that happened in class, your friend looks to the right; When talking about his holidays, he constantly looks up and glances to the right. Most likely, everything he said is true.
Instructions
The first doubts can arise from a sudden change in a man’s behavior. Previously attentive and sensitive, he suddenly stops showing signs of attention, calls less often and... Here it is important to overcome yourself and not start calling him. If his behavior has changed so radically, being too persistent will only make the situation worse. It’s better to try to figure out what could be the reason for such cooling.
First, try to understand whether the man’s attention has actually weakened. Maybe your demands have increased, but the man still behaves as attentively as before? Perhaps already at this stage the far-fetched problem will be solved.
Analyze the events of recent days. Has there been any quarrel between you, even the most insignificant? Remember, maybe you told him something that seemed like a harmless joke to you, but it could have hurt his dignity. No matter how strong men try to appear, they sometimes turn out to be very sensitive.
If you remember this situation, consider that half the battle is done. Now try to improve your relationship, because you know what the reason for the discord is.
If resentment is unlikely, remember the way of life of your lover. Maybe he has new hobbies or work, and therefore he has temporarily “pushed” you into the background. If this is indeed the reason, have a heart-to-heart talk, tell him that it’s hard for you and that you also want attention. Then the problem can be solved.
Another sign of lack of interest is increased irritability. Pay attention to how he reacts to your actions. A cold man often begins to criticize literally every little thing, to find fault with behavior that he previously liked.
The fact that he is tired of you will also be indicated by his refusal to have a romantic evening with an intimate continuation. A man may say that he is terribly busy, but you can easily recognize the insincerity of his excuses, especially if this is not the first time this has been repeated. Or he may accept the offer, but he will. Try to surprise him, somehow diversify your sex life. If the number does not increase, and the coldness only progresses, then the conclusion will be clear - he is tired of this relationship.
Helpful advice
Whether to try to regain a man's interest is up to you. In most cases, such an undertaking is doomed to failure. Attempts can only lead to a short-term effect. The option of temporary separation, practiced by many couples, also failed from the very beginning. Therefore, it may be easier to just let him go so as not to waste time on a person who is not interested in you.
A man and a woman are completely different creatures. Sometimes it is completely unclear what a man wants to say when doing something. You have to think and rack your brains while solving this puzzle. Also in relationships - sometimes the male sex behaves in such a way that you cannot understand whether he is needed or not. At some point it seems that he cannot live without you, and sometimes doubts creep into his soul and he thinks that he is indifferent to you. In fact, it’s quite easy to understand whether he needs you.
Instructions
Don't fool yourself. If you have doubts and you cannot understand how your lover treats you, then you should think about it seriously. There is no need to turn a blind eye to actions that hurt and make you think about your true attitude. If any occur, then you need to think about them and understand why the man behaves this way. Maybe he doesn't need a relationship? He may just be passing the time and will soon say goodbye to you.
Observe how long it takes you. Is it enough? If he prefers you over meeting with friends, then this is a big plus in his favor. If a man spends all his free time with her, it means that he is not indifferent to this girl and needs her. If he is ready to sacrifice for her what was previously most important to him, it means that his priorities have changed, and now his beloved, who he needs, has come to the fore.
Analyze his actions. Doesn't he do things that could cause pain? Promised to go to the cinema, but went with friends to a bar? If this happens regularly, then, unfortunately, at the moment, friends are a little more important than you. Makes promises and doesn't keep them? The sad conclusion suggests itself. Unless he keeps his promises to everyone he makes them to.
Think about what he is capable of for you. Does he talk about children and other family moments? Anyone who does not need a serious relationship will avoid these topics. Although the man may simply not be ready for this yet, he takes you seriously.
If you have suspicions that you are not alone with him, do not drive them away. It’s better to ask him directly and see his reaction than to drive away bad thoughts and suffer. By immediately dotting all the i’s, you can subsequently avoid great disappointments and resentment.
When a woman is needed, he shows it to everyone, everywhere. If he tries, at every opportunity, to brush it off like an annoying fly, that he has no feelings for this one.
note
What kind of man does a woman need? How are male and female character traits distributed in a person? To understand what kind of man a woman needs, you need to take into account that there are no ideal people, each person is individual, including a man. And women build an ideal from many components, often simply incompatible with each other.
Helpful advice
In order to understand a man, you first need to learn how to talk to him correctly. To understand a man, it is important to learn how to convey your thoughts and desires to a man. And for this you need to learn the language of men. First, you need to learn to clearly formulate the topic of conversation. Puffy cheeks and rolled eyes, questions like “what kind of relationship do we have?” are incomprehensible to men and frighten them.
Sources:
- how to understand if he wants me
Sometimes you are faced with the task of describing a person. This is usually necessary when you are telling your friends about an incident that happened with you and someone they do not know and have never met. Or such a need arises when you write a post on your blog. It is important for you to tell about a person in such a way that your readers get a clear impression of his appearance, character and habits.
Instructions
Remember, if you are dear to a man, he will never allow himself to offend you. Neither in word nor in deed. If you don’t feel loved in a relationship, you understand that you’re tired of playing first fiddle, think about whether this man is worth your attention.
Women often try to justify men's coldness by the fact that the stronger sex is generally not inclined to express feelings. This is true, but real interest is impossible, and there is no need to hide it. You will definitely find out about it. Wait a little and let the man make the first step, and soon you will decide whether you should go through life together.
Video on the topic
Related article
Go on a trip together. This can be either a trip abroad or a vacation at a camp site near the city. You can learn more about a person in a few days than in months of friendship. See how he will behave with you, what will cause him irritation, how he will react to emergency situations. And most importantly: listen to your feelings after the trip. If you were truly comfortable together, and you remember this time with a smile, then your relationship has a good future.
Ask about your young man's plans for the future. Even if you feel very good with him at the moment, the man may not be suitable for you because of his future aspirations. For example, you dream of a cozy home and children, but even the sight of a baby is unpleasant for him and he plans to spend the next ten years traveling around the world. You may have different tastes and temperaments, but your fundamental views on the most important things should coincide.
Learn to listen
Man is designed in such a way that he is only truly interested in his own plans and problems. Often, even when communicating with close people, a person, out of politeness, is interested in business and successes, but at the same time continues to do something or think about something. He nods, casually assents, and comments on a phrase he heard separately. As a result, a formal conversation took place, but there was no contact at the psychological and emotional level. Later, a desire arises to clarify something, but the interlocutor is no longer in the mood to repeat himself.To understand the inner world of another person you need to be able to listen carefully. Don't get distracted during a conversation and don't interrupt your interlocutor. Share his emotions, experiences, clarify the essence of the problem.
When communicating, it is important to remember that people express their thoughts and interpret feelings differently. If a phrase sounds ambiguous, it is better to ask whether you understood its content correctly.
Get on the same wavelength
To better understand a person, you need to be able to tune in with him “on the same wavelength.” If he is active and cheerful by nature, create a similar mood in yourself: joke and smile more. If your communication partner is prone to seriousness, then you too switch to philosophical questions.Keep in mind that it is easier to understand a person if you are similar to him in character and temperament. It will not be difficult for you to feel when he is angry, simply tired or worried about something. Otherwise, you should be observant and pay attention to what behavior and reactions are characteristic of a person in different situations.
There is no need for a partner to arrange “interrogations with biases” when he is not in the mood to be frank or is simply not in the mood. The easiest way to find out is to establish a sincere and trusting relationship with him. In this case, there is no need to make assumptions about other people's needs and motives, but you can ask directly and receive an honest answer.
Video on the topic
Is your husband annoying with his severity and indifference? Does your neighbor's eye twitch because her dog barks all night long? Are you angry about the crowd on the bus and kilometer-long traffic jams during rush hour? And the chain-smoking taxi driver complaining about politics is infuriating?
Anger, anger, rejection and irritation with others are the signals that your subconscious gives. You see in othersown qualities, which you do not accept or diligently disguise. Now I’ll tell you why this happens and what to do about it.
Why does like attract like?
Irritation with others is common. Sometimes it seems that “irritants” are lurking around the corner to throw you off balance. Of course, you can avoid them, but this will not change the situation. Other stimuli will appear. Why is this happening?
According to law of attractionlike attracts like. And people are attracted to each other based on similar characteristics. Therefore, reality “mirrors” what is happening inside you. And you simply do not accept the qualities that irritate you, you try to hide or suppress them.
Why we don't accept ourselves
Inside each of us is a whole system of beliefs and stereotypes that were formed in a variety of ways. Let's take an example from childhood: parents, educators, teachers and society taught that swearing and making trouble is very, very bad. You have grown up, and this belief continues to control you.
And now you are annoyed by everyone who fiercely defends their opinions and their rights, argues, swears. You condemn such a person, believing that he is doing something bad. And they themselves are not averse to scolding their spouse or letting off steam by arguing with a friend.
How to accept your flaws [technique]
Self-acceptance occurs through comprehension and awareness of the reason for what is happening.
Do it step by step:
- Write down on paper everyone who is very annoying.
- Determine the causes of irritation - which qualities cause a negative reaction in you.
- Be honest - do you have these traits?
- Do you agree, what is it? Then ask yourself: why am I denying this?
- Give yourself time to understand the real reason.
- Write down on a piece of paper what belief or stereotype prevents acceptance, as well as who or what instilled this attitude in you.
- Think about whether this belief serves you now - whether it advances you or, on the contrary, hinders you.
- After realizing the uselessness, think about the person who annoys you - is he so unpleasant to you now or has the irritation passed?
Stop judging and evaluating
We are used to dividing people into good and bad, the world into white and black. Evaluate events. Sometimes this helps, but more often it hurts. Because we drive ourselves and others into the framework of an imaginary ideal.
Avoiding comparison and condemnation significantly changes the life of those around you too. Start with yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others, your results to the achievements of other people. Don't reproach yourself, don't be sorry. Don't compare income levels and families. Everyone has his own path. And your mission is to go your own way!
Don't let your brain take you away« to the side»
Changes in consciousness and perception will frighten your brain. Therefore, accepting yourself and all the people of this Planet does not happen in one day. Otherwise, the brain will start saying: “This is all nonsense, it doesn’t work.”
The most important thing in all practices, techniques and exercises is taking full and unconditional responsibility for yourself, your life and all its events. And also for people and their behavior. Accept the fact that it is not people who are to blame. You create situations yourself, and people simply mirror you.
Accept this world in all its diversity and be happy!
Are you ready to admit that everything that irritates you in another person is in you?
EXPRESS TO A NEW LIFE
I do not have friends. I have no desire to communicate with my peers at all, except for a few. I am reserved, shy, but sociable in private. Often I cannot maintain the relationship that has begun, because... I feel like I'm annoying people. The supposed cause of aggression from peers is my backhanded compliments. I never speak about someone or something that is not from the heart. If I can’t find pleasant words, I start joking, choosing words, trying not to offend. When I really like something, my compliments are not taken seriously. I'm never taken seriously at all. I communicate with a few, finding the most asocial ones, and sometimes it seems like I’m irritating them too. Then I start to feel uncomfortable with them and try to stop communicating. I'm trying to find a common language with people a little older - 18-22 years old. But it feels like to them I look like a fat troll.
Hello, Masha! let's look at what's going on:
I do not have friends. I have no desire to communicate with my peers at all, except for a few. I am reserved, shy, but sociable in private.
the fact that you DO NOT have friends depends on you - accordingly, you make a contribution to this situation - but what? when you see it, then you can change everything! and for this you need to analyze how you build relationships in order to see those links that lead to distance and replace them - and this is your job and developing a new style of behavior, since the old one only leads to the fact that you yourself turn away from everyone !
can you accept yourself? and all the qualities in yourself? and the fact that you are closed, shy - BUT - that’s you! and those around you will treat you the same way you treat yourself! You expect others to accept you, but at the same time you reject yourself! So you need to start with yourself - learn - love yourself, respect, accept, hear and listen!
Often I cannot maintain the relationship that has begun, because... I feel like I'm annoying people. The supposed cause of aggression from peers is my backhanded compliments.
and here is the main reason - you yourself think out for people their attitude towards you - i.e. you read their thoughts and try to adjust your behavior to what you yourself have come up with for them! and this is NOT what it really is! remember - you will never be able to find out what people think and feel about you, much less guess - and also - why??? What does this give you? there are certain boundaries - your internal ones (what happens inside you at the physiological level!), the external border is WHAT you see! and hear! and the middle one - what you think out (thoughts, imagination, etc. - just the thoughts “it seems to me” - relate to this) - and if you are more often in the middle, then you need to learn to rebuild! how to go straight to internal or external! (for example, if you are communicating with a person, he lowered his head and holds it with his hands! - You think he’s tired of me, he’s tired of me - that is, you read his thoughts for him! But in reality: HE sits with his head bowed , and grabbed her with his hands!!! EVERYTHING - this is what you see and nothing more!!! - only he himself knows a person’s motives: his head hurts, or he’s sad, or tired, he remembered something, blood pressure... etc. . and you, interpreting for him, immediately fly away into an imaginary world!)
If I can’t find pleasant words, I start joking, choosing words, trying not to offend. When I really like something, my compliments are not taken seriously. I'm never taken seriously at all.
You DO NOT know which words can hurt you and which ones cannot - so you need to let go of that too! talk about topics that are interesting to you, if you don’t know something, ask, if you don’t want to talk - be silent - so that your internal state coincides with the external one!
and again - it seems to you that you are NOT perceived - you will NOT be able to control the feelings and thoughts of other people, leave it to them! and switch to yourself - how do you feel? explore!
First of all, you DO NOT take yourself seriously!
I communicate with a few, finding the most asocial ones, and sometimes it seems like I’m irritating them too. Then I start to feel uncomfortable with them and try to stop communicating.
and what are the most associated - the safest in communication - or are they already those who remain, for whom you have NOT thought of yet - and you are already doing that - and what next? Why do you feel uncomfortable - from your thoughts about those people! leave them! communicate with those you want and just DO NOT think about it - this is exactly what needs to be changed - through training!
I'm trying to find a common language with people a little older - 18-22 years old. But it feels like to them I look like a fat troll.
how you feel, this is how you behave and present yourself accordingly - you change communication partners until you get through everyone, you look for self-acceptance in everyone, because you cannot give it to yourself! DO NOT expect this from them - first of all, only you can give it to yourself! by going through partners - you are running away from the problem, from its resolution - it is NOT about the environment, but about your mechanisms for building communication!
Masha, if you really decide to figure out what’s going on, feel free to contact me - call or write - I’ll be only too happy to help you!
Good answer 2 Bad answer 1Hello, Masha! A fat troll is a sad definition of herself. Why do you treat yourself this way, because if you treat yourself this way, then they treat you the same way. How do you understand that you are annoying people? And how do you know that you are not being taken seriously? Do you take yourself seriously? Judging by the way you described yourself, I doubt it. The most important thing is that you change your attitude towards yourself. find all the good in yourself and accept that good. Where do you get this attitude towards yourself? Someone told you this, if so, then he is a very bad person. Change your attitude towards yourself, find your strengths and good qualities, and then you will have friends and will have a different attitude towards you! Don’t be discouraged, you will definitely succeed, the main thing is to try, good luck to you!
Good answer 0 Bad answer 1An unpleasant, annoying person can sometimes turn our life into a tragedy. But why does it happen that we react calmly to someone, even if, in our opinion, he is completely wrong and acts differently than we do, but we react to someone painfully and are very worried, even if we see this person for the first and last time?.
How to decipher your feelings?
Your enemy is your reflection
Psychology proceeds from the fact that if a person is unpleasant to us, then the reason for this is projection. Projection is a defense mechanism based on the fact that a quality repressed from one’s personality is attributed to another person. We are annoyed by what we do not allow ourselves to do or what we do not allow ourselves to be.
Our loved ones are often unpleasant people: partners, children, parents. And then this not only poisons life with the constant presence of a close, annoying person in it, but also destroys relationships and causes feelings of guilt or shame.
If you find that you are indeed projecting onto another person some repressed traits of your personality, this does not mean that you must necessarily remove the projection.
This means you can increase your strength. Strength increases due to the fact that the repressed quality is integrated into the personality and returns integrity to the personality.
Exercise to master the power of the enemy
Think of a person who is unpleasant to you, or an abstract character who personifies an unpleasant, annoying quality. Describe it out loud or to yourself in great detail. Tell us why he irritates you so much, why he is unpleasant to you. What is he like - angry, smug, blaming, critical, dissatisfied, rejecting, sarcastic, complaining, arrogant, etc.?
Show it, play it. Be this person and behave the same way he behaves. Speak as he speaks, move as he moves, gesture as he does. When speaking like him, use phrases, words that he says when addressing you or other people. Copy the tone and timbre of his voice. Transform yourself into him. Feel the field that he creates around himself, the atmosphere of his being.
What is the strength of such a person, what is his truth? Feel this power, allow yourself to become this power. Feel that it is impersonal, that it is just strength, quality, energy. Step deep into the source of this power, be it. Let this force move you and express itself through you, through your movements, through your body. Let you have an image of this power. It can be a real or mythical character, plant or animal.
How can this power, this quality or this energy be useful to you in life? How could you use it to solve various life challenges? How could you use this power to interact with an unpleasant person? How would you resolve your conflict with him? In what areas of life could this power still be useful to you?
How to find peace of mind?
Understand the essence of the problem
How to communicate with someone who pisses you off?
1. Take a break from communicating with such a person in order to restore contact with yourself and understand what irritates or worries you so much about this person.
2. Try to figure out who you feel next to such a person, who you are next to him.
3. Give yourself the opportunity to express the emotions that he evokes in you. If he makes you angry, allow yourself to be angry; if he annoys you, get annoyed; if he hurts you, experience the pain. Call the feeling by its name. Check to see if there is another feeling behind this feeling. Sometimes hostility goes away after you allow yourself to experience and express emotions.
4. Explain to yourself, putting your thoughts on paper or out loud, what the essence of your claims to this person is.
Why is he unpleasant to you? Why do you dislike the quality he displays? Why did you decide that you cannot show such a quality or be such a person? When did you realize this? How did you know it was bad to be that person? Is this related to the norms and rules that are accepted in your family, or did you decide this based on your experience?
5. Realize what you would like from this person. How would you like to deal with it? Can you afford it? If not, why not, what is stopping you?
Sometimes a person can be annoying to such an extent that you want to physically harm or destroy him. This can be very frightening, cause feelings of shame or guilt, and make it difficult to adequately deal with the situation.
It is important to remember here that such desires are usually not caused by a real need to destroy or spoil health, but simply an inability to express strong feelings for this person or an inability to act in response. Points 3 and 5 help relieve tension, restore contact with yourself, your feelings and motives.
Say out loud to the unpleasant person: “I am angry/offended at you/... Sometimes I have such a strong feeling for you... that I want you... This is caused... In fact, I want... When you are not in my life, I can ..."
At peace with myself
How to communicate with someone who pisses you off?
