What to do if you are tired of your sister. What to do if your older brother hits your younger sister

Hello. My name is Sergey. I am 33 years old. Not married. Honestly, I really want sex with my sister. She is 22 years old. She's beautiful. She does not mind. Please tell me if just sex with your sister is not bad if she is not pregnant?

Hello, Sergey! As it becomes clear from the question, you already know about the possible consequences of “family sex” from a medical point of view. I will try to describe the psychological aspect of this issue, which, I hope, will help you make the right decision. The main purpose of sex as a natural process is procreation. The pleasure that a person receives from sex, the satisfaction of his significance and self-realization are secondary factors - “side effects”. The listed needs can be satisfied by any other means, but procreation can only be satisfied in one way. When sex happens between strangers, not relatives, it is a natural process of “natural selection.” People who are compatible (for various reasons) with each other, as a result of sex, create a family and have children, those who are not compatible are content with the secondary factors of the process (I described them above). At the same time, the central role of sex in a person’s life remains regardless of time and environmental characteristics. This happens due to the fact that procreation for a woman and the need for a woman for a man are an innate/natural instinct of a person. I'm not saying that the goal of every sex should be to produce a child. I want to say that it is important to understand what need a person is trying to satisfy through sex? What consequences will this cause? The unnaturalness of sex between relatives lies in the fact that initially the central role of sex is excluded. Using sex as a way to satisfy secondary needs - pleasure, significance, self-realization and the like, a person deliberately moves away from satisfying his real needs. He resigns himself to the powerlessness to find and implement a way that can satisfy the needs of the present moment. The consequences of such actions can be states of worthlessness, hopelessness, unreasonable aggression, etc.
The desire for intimacy, both for you and your sister, may be a manifestation of an act of protest against the social system, or the structure of the parental family, or just parents. A way to assert your maturity/independence. In other words, any need that is hidden behind such an intention, other than the need for procreation, will most likely not be satisfied. Also, such an action will have an impact on the future. This will affect how the process of creating your own new families and the birth of children will go for you and your sister.
Sincerely,
Roman Lyubushin!

Sergey, hello.
The question “is this bad” or not bad is a question of assessment - moral assessment.
In nature, in principle, there is no morality. Animals mate with each other regardless of family ties: be it a female with a grown-up cub, or different-sex individuals born from the same female, or a male who sowed his sperm with a female born from him.
Morality and moral assessment of certain actions exist only in human society. Moral taboos are also a product of human society. They did not arise out of nowhere and are mostly associated with the degeneration of the family (once consanguineous marriages occurred even in royal families, but when two close genes were combined with hereditary diseases, the chance of illness increased greatly).
You are apparently familiar with this, since you are concerned about the issue of accidental pregnancy.

“Please tell me if just sex with your sister is not bad if she is not pregnant?”

Although there are no commas in your sentence, it is therefore not entirely clear what worries you more: the moral side of sex with your sister or whether it will be bad that she will or will not be pregnant. Or did you mean that you can take care in advance that she doesn’t get pregnant (for which there are condoms), and you want to convince yourself or ask permission and evaluation from psychologists that this is not so bad?

". I am 33 years old. Not married. Honestly, I really want sex with my sister. She is 22 years old. She's beautiful. She does not mind."

You mentioned that you are single - what does this mean in the context of your desire for a sister? Is it just that you are single or that you want her so much that you can’t build relationships with other girls?
How do you know that she doesn’t mind? Are you reading this from the signs sent by her body, or did she tell you about this in open text and you have already discussed this possibility?
You “want it this way”, “she doesn’t mind” - the desire can be strong and, sometimes, the taboos imposed by society do not stop, but only fuel this passion and the desire to break it. Such a desire can overwhelm you and prevent you from doing anything else.
But no one will be able to give you an “indulgence” in advance and give the go-ahead for this sexual relationship. You will have to solve this moral dilemma yourself (you and your sister). And decide how to communicate and then live on. Will it be a one-time “reset” and satisfaction of an obsessive desire that has become like an obsession. Or are you going to continue them for a long time, using protection so that your sister doesn’t get pregnant? Will you, having such a secret or obvious connection with your sister, be able to both continue to somehow build your lives and create your own families? Will the girl subsequently suffer from a rash act dictated by curiosity and a storm of hormones?

Do you get my point? Only you can make this moral choice yourself (whether it’s good or bad, whether it’s acceptable for you). Just as you yourself should be responsible for the consequences of your choices. Both your sister and you must understand this, that each of you has your own 100% responsibility, no matter what decision you make.

admin

Conflicts between loved ones last for years, and problems go back to childhood. You can plunge into the world of grievances and showdowns, defending your rightness or take a step towards reconciliation. A minor quarrel will not become a stumbling block between loved ones, but long-term enmity will not disappear on its own. How to improve relations with your sister if you quarrel?

It is impossible to do without analyzing the situation. Relive the last quarrel in your memory, and remember how the conflict began. Old wounds lead to anger and irritation, but you are not always the cause. Perhaps your sister is having problems at work or in the family, and you just happened to fall into line. Or a loved one took advantage of a dispute a long time ago to quarrel with you.

How to improve relationships between sisters?

The four steps described are a fragile bridge connecting you. Continue to work on improving your relationship with your sister. You cannot ridicule, make fun of, or reproach a loved one. You agreed to forget about the past and made peace. Maintain friendship: go shopping together, go to the cinema, visit a cafe.

How to improve relationships with your younger or older sister?

Growing up, you and your sister separated, got married, had children. But when you meet at family celebrations, or when you visit your parents, treat each other as before. Because outside of established families, you remain the older and younger sister. Childhood grievances, previous quarrels and rules of communication are still fresh in memory. It is quite understandable that conflicts arise, since each of the sisters considers herself an adult and...

How to improve your relationship with your younger sister? Accept it on equal terms. This is no longer the snotty girl you wiped the snot off as a child. My sister is an adult, and after twenty years, a small age difference does not matter. Stop lecturing and bossing your sister around. Imagine that in front of you is a friend, a work colleague. This approach will help you avoid quarreling and will make you closer, as there will be common topics for conversation.

How to improve your relationship with your older sister? Don't build relationships on memories. Your parents no longer leave your sister with you. You won’t have to endure tying your hair, going out with older friends, having your toys taken away, etc. Today you are adults building relationships in your families. A quarrel between sisters is not the best soil for raising children. Change your attitude towards your sister and the conflicts will end.

11 February 2014, 18:50

When you are the youngest child in the family, you have to listen not only to your parents, but also to your older brothers and sisters. Sometimes it makes you feel like you are being commanded. This feeling leads to dissatisfaction, complaints and protest. However, what if we look at the situation from the other side?

There are a lot of things that your older sister has encountered, but does not consider it necessary to talk about.

1. She was brought up in stricter conditions

First child. The only one in the family for several years. Your mom and dad were just starting their parenting journey. They imagined how and what to do, but didn’t know exactly. In such cases, the fear of making a mistake is great. Hence the clearer rules and stricter control. By the time you were born, your parents had already learned a lot and became more flexible.

2. She always heard “You’re older”

The older sister should be smarter, although I want to be capricious. You have to give in when you want to be mischievous. That's what parents say all the time. And she herself understands this very well. Because from childhood he knows what responsibility is.

Responsibility for a small lump that was brought from the maternity hospital and in which you cannot make noise so as not to wake up. Then there is responsibility for the little devil, who needs to be led into the garden. Then responsibility for a smart first-grader who is slowly getting ready for school... For a third-grader who doesn’t want to do her homework... For a seventh-grader who skips classes... And many others “for”.

3. She tried to be a good example for you.

Your older sister was forced to act differently from her peers. Already at a young age I learned to weigh my decisions and actions like an adult. Because I knew you looked up to her. We can safely say that she was not the only one who influenced your upbringing. But you also influenced her personality, motivated her and forced her to become better.

4. Sometimes it was difficult for her to resist your “thorns”

Difficult moments with your parents, problems at school, quarrels with friends - your older sister dealt with all this herself. She wanted to help you and shared her experience. Sometimes it seemed intrusive, boring and annoying, you were perceived with hostility and were accompanied by rolling your eyes. But your sister tried not to pay attention to it and continued anyway to protect you and help you avoid trouble.

5. She knew you had to make your mistakes.

The sister gave advice and shared her experience. However, I understood that you had to go through some situations yourself. At such moments, she observed, did not interfere, and allowed events to take their course. But she was always, always there to support, lend a shoulder and console in difficult times.

6. She helped your parents understand you.

Sometimes I had to be a link and act as a mediator. Even when you were wrong, your older sister became a mountain for you, explaining to your parents the reasons for your not very good behavior.

7. She was worried when you suddenly grew up and started dating boys.

As you grew into a teenager, your older sister gave you tips on how to talk to guys, do makeup, and put things together. She answered questions that were awkward to ask parents. On the one hand, she was glad to see your loving eyes and happy face. On the other hand, I was very worried that someone might break your heart.

8. She had to be tough

Sometimes it seemed like your older sister didn’t give a damn about your problems, that she was teasing and making fun of you for her own pleasure. However, this behavior was used as a means of motivation when you needed to concentrate and gather your strength. This strategy was much better at helping with this than pity and persuasion.

9. Sometimes she was completely confused

Your older sister tried on different roles. She had to be a teacher, a friend, a bodyguard. She had not learned this anywhere and did not know how to act in this or that situation. But despite this, she always pulled herself together.

10. She is always ready to help you

Big Sister is happy to be the first person you call in an emergency. She will selflessly come to the rescue and will try to solve the problem as her own.

She had a great influence on your upbringing and development of you as a person. She loves you with a love like no one else in this world. You are not only relatives. You are not only friends. You are both, combined. Forever. Appreciate your big sister.

A bad relationship with your sister can start at any age. Constant squabbles, quarrels, resentments, growing hostility explode in the heart with pain over and over again. But I really wanted something else: to have a good friend in my sister, with whom I could consult, relax, and joke. Is it possible to fix everything and still improve relations with your sister? Or at least how to stop hating her? We are looking for answers to these questions with the help of system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan.

● Why is your sister so bad? Why is she doing everything against me?
● Why can’t I build a good relationship with my sister, no matter how hard I try?
● Why can't I stop hating my sister?
● What should I do if I hate my sister? What actions are correct?

Relationships between children in the same family are not always formed in a positive direction. Children are competitors in life, they fight for everything in the world: for mom, for a toy, for food. To a lesser extent, this competition is reflected in children of different sexes and with a large age gap (although it cannot be said that it is absent altogether).

A small child is a bundle of desires, such an egocentric person. Another child in the family is simply an obstacle to access to the realization of his desires. Squabbles, resentments, hostility are normal phenomena that always exist in any family. Another thing is that sometimes it happens that childhood, and then adult, discord between siblings has the potential to turn into a long negative trace.

Sisters are opposites

A common life scenario of conflict between sisters can occur when one sister has an anal vector, and the other has a cutaneous-visual ligament vector. These girls have completely different behavior, different desires, even different body movements. It seems like they can't be sisters, but that's exactly what they are.

The anal girl has been obedient since childhood, her connection with her mother is limitless, she wants to be a good daughter. She is an excellent student (often an excellent student at school), always cleans her room, helps her mother around the house, and never leaves the house wearing wrinkled clothes.

The skin-visual girl is different - from early childhood she begins to flirt with boys. And with everyone, indiscriminately. Even with the boy my sister likes. She does not strive for cleanliness, and if her mother says something, she is in no hurry to do it.

Already in very early childhood, as soon as such children begin to express their desires, their opposite is visible: the anal sister is slightly offended, the skin sister gets angry. But if anger passes quickly, then grievances remain stuck for many years. If in childhood the reasons for quarrels are primitive - one’s own desires, then in youth everything changes. Often the anal sister cannot stand the skin, not even because of herself, but because of her behavior with her mother - without respect, without piety. It seems to her through herself that the way the skin-visual sister acts with her mother is impossible to even imagine.

The birth of your own children also becomes a cause for resentment. Anal and skin mother cannot be the same, but we always judge the other through ourselves. Read a real life story about a 30-year-old resentment of one sister against another, which was overcome in the article “The Story of a Resentment.”

There can be many reasons for a bad relationship with your sisters.

Children in the same family almost always have different vectors. But desires in vectors are not repeated, which means that my sisters and I are often doomed to misunderstanding, even to the point of hatred. Children are not yet limited by culture, shame, or law. Therefore, when a child does not have what he wants, aggression arises. Conflicts between sisters are very different and directly depend on their vectors. They are often quite superficial, but can still leave deep, unconscious wounds.

For example, visual girls are very emotional. They can laugh here and cry here. If such a girl has a sonic sister, problems may begin. The sound player is closed and closed, no emotions come out. She needs peace and quiet, and her sister’s noise, her constant chirping on the phone, her bright clothes, and her penchant for partying are annoying, causing hostility and sometimes even hatred.

An oral sister is almost always a problem for both the visual and, even more so, the auditory. Jokes on obscene topics, swearing, loud screaming, constant attention to oneself: the visual sister can get shyness from the oral one, the auditory one can withdraw into her own world.

The topic of beauty between sisters is also important: especially if this topic is picked up by parents, comparing them with each other. “Our Valya has such beautiful legs,” my mother will say, buying her sister a skirt, and the second one already understands that the comparison is not in her favor. After all, such phrases are inevitable: everyone will do them - if not parents, then classmates, relatives, neighbors. In such a situation, it is easy for one child to be deprived of support under his feet, and this means to cause in him rejection from his sister, hatred of her as an object of envy.

There are many stories, they can be listed and listed, but they have the same essence. No matter how much you would like to exchange your sister for another person, it is impossible. All you can do is change your view of her behavior.

How to improve your relationship with your sister? How can I stop hating her?

Of course, if parents taught their children to understand the differences between people in early childhood, many problems simply would not arise. The cultural education of children and instilling in them moral categories is also of great importance. Then they have a more or less good relationship, without hatred and hostility.

But in the modern world this rarely happens. We don't know ourselves, let alone others. It's not about what was said or done, it's about living happily. With hatred towards your sister, this is unlikely to happen. Hatred is always a feeling that destroys life and makes it harder. Therefore, it is necessary to get rid of hatred. And this is possible!

Dear Lisa! The situation in which you are forced to live is truly unpleasant and difficult.

It is very difficult to fully investigate your situation, because there is very little primary data (age of family members, number of sisters, information about parents...). However, based on the request and situation you described, it is appropriate to suggest the following as recommendations:

1) To you, dear Lisa, as you claim, your close relatives sometimes treat you very rudely (“she could yell at me”, “arrange her own rules, force her to do her work”, “also dad is somehow strange towards me treat, constantly compares with older sisters"). Thus, they violate your personal boundaries, bring you mental suffering and general emotional discomfort.

Lisa! You shouldn’t condemn them (sisters, father) right from the start. Most likely, due to a string of their own problems or certain adversities, they simply do not notice that they are hurting you very painfully. Therefore, I offer you an effective technique that, in my opinion, will help all of you. Lisa will help you speak out in a civilized manner about painful issues, and will also help your loved ones realize the results of their behavior. After all, every person has the right to correct their own mistakes and receive forgiveness!

Let's call this technique “F+V+O”. F is the announcement of a fact, B is a statement, personal feelings about this, O is the expectation of compensation for damage.

Announcement of the fact. A FACT is, first of all, a description of a specific situation that occurred, a specific incident, behavior... A FACT cannot be a quality, trait or individual characteristic of a person. A FACT is exactly what is happening at this particular moment in time and what has visual confirmation. Therefore, it is not a FACT to inform a person that he is “bad”, as well as to state that he “as always brings pain to everyone.”

It is a FACT to inform the person who is causing you pain that “You are comparing me to Alena for the second time today” (this situation should be discussed).

Your own feelings about what happened. A STATEMENT is an assessment of a given situation, how the situation “affected me.” A STATEMENT should include the expression of an emotional response to a given situation (FACT). An example of expressing a STATEMENT in relation to a FACT is the following addresses to the offender: “It really irritates, angers and humiliates me that I have to conform to another person. “I’m angry (dissatisfied, unpleasant, upset) that they don’t hear me.” It is very important to sincerely express your feelings about the fact that pain and discomfort have been caused to you.

Compensation for “damage”. EXPECTATION is a specific and decisive definition of what you expect from the offender in connection with the FACT and STATEMENT that occurred. Since the FACT has already occurred, the person who was hurt should set specific expectations. It is not appropriate here to read moralistic lectures on the topic of good, evil, what is good and what is bad.

The EXPECTATION will not be an appeal to the offender like “well, do something,” or “pull yourself together and grow up.”

EXPECTATION is a specific demand: “I expect you to ask for forgiveness and promise that you will never compare me to anyone.”

This technique should be applied specifically, without manipulation, with brief requirements. This formula can be used in different situations

2) Secondly, we also recommend that you contact a psychologist who could help you online (not remotely but live) to work through not only this technique, but also help you (provide assistance and support) in solving difficult life problems situations.

I wish you, Lisa, a lot of optimism and warmth!

Vitaly Bulyga, family psychologist (Baranovichi, Belarus)

Good answer 1 Bad answer 0