What true love should be like. What is true love
A harmonious relationship between husband and wife is painstaking work in which both take part. But what to do if a “third wheel” - the husband’s mother - constantly gets into the relationship?
Year after year, many women face the same problem: the husband obeys his mother in everything, the mother-in-law constantly manipulates her son, gets into conflicts and, perhaps, even turns her child against her daughter-in-law.
The problem of how to get a mother-in-law away from her husband is, in fact, global in nature. Often, conflicts with mother-in-law become the cause of relationship breakdown and even divorce.
I have been married for about 5 years, after the wedding my husband and I lived with my mother-in-law (she is divorced). After constant conflicts with her (she always meddled in our affairs, even when we quarreled with my husband), I barely persuaded my husband to move to live separately, but six months have passed, and at the slightest problem my husband is going to move in with his mother again. I don’t know what to do, we have a small son. His mother-in-law constantly tells him that she is sad to live alone. I don't want to step on the same rake. But divorce is not a way out of the situation, but I no longer see any other way out of this situation. How to get your mother-in-law away from her husband?
HOW TO GET YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW AWAY FROM YOUR HUSBAND? LET'S LOOK INTO CHILDHOOD...
Such strange relationships are possible only between a skin-visual (or with a bright skin-visual ligament) mother and an anal-visual son. The fact is that skin-visual women lack maternal instinct: very often they create a very strong emotional connection with their child, similar to the connection between a man and a woman. She is jealous of him, just as a woman is jealous of her man, and constantly calls him: “Where are you? How are you I feel bad without you!Anal-visual boys deserve a separate topic of conversation about how to get a mother-in-law away from her husband.
Obedient, flexible. For them, mother is the most important word in the world. The most sacred, the most beloved. Relationships with the mother are of great importance for a child with an anal vector and largely determine future relationships with women. Lack of care and attention on the part of the mother can become the root of serious resentment and the cause of unsuccessful relationships in the future. But overprotection and the suffocating love of a mother are also destructive for such a child.
Often it is the skin-visual mother who grows up with a son with a “good boy” complex. Praise, which is very important for any person with an anal vector, becomes a means of manipulation for his mother. An anal-visual child who really wants to be loved can become dependent on praise and approval if he goes too far all the time. His entire meaning in life begins to boil down to the desire to be good (and good, first of all, for his mother). He is afraid of doing something wrong, afraid of what may cause disapproval from others, afraid of refusing people, of saying “no.” Such a person is easy to “use” for his own selfish interests.
HOW TO GET YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW AWAY FROM YOUR HUSBAND? THERE WAS A SON, BECAME... A HUSBAND
A mother’s skin-visual perception often becomes the determining factor in how her “golden boy” behaves. The boys invite you to go for a walk, but your mother is against it? I'll stay at home. I want to go to another city to get an education, but my mother is clutching her heart? I will not go. Mom doesn't like my girlfriend? This means that something is really wrong. Anal-visual boys do not like to upset their mother: moreover, they are subconsciously afraid that if they do not behave as their mother expects of them, they will not be loved.
A not very developed skin-visual mother, who has created a very strong emotional connection with her son, often tries to eliminate all possible threats to break this connection: be it friends or a girlfriend. Her son seems to be on a leash next to her until his old age. Any attempts to “break away from mother’s skirt” are accompanied by a one-man show and emotional blackmail. “Friends are more important to you than your mother,” “Go, son, your happiness is more important... oh... my heart ached,” “You will leave and forget about your old mother. At least come to the grave.”
How can I get my mother-in-law away from her husband? After all, the skin-visual mother hits the sickest, constantly presses on pity and plays on the feeling of guilt. To all this is added an innate theatrical talent, and... as soon as the son “gets out of hand” and tries to act on his own, fainting, heart problems, tears and lamentations begin, with the obligatory prediction of his imminent death.
It often happens that an anal-visual son still marries (despite all the mother’s tears). And everything seems to be fine, but this same mother-in-law is constantly interfering with the relationship. She doesn’t want to be left alone (fear of the visual vector), so she asks her son and daughter-in-law to live with her. And then it begins... The daughter-in-law becomes an eternal “scapegoat”: she cooks wrong, washes wrong, and does everything wrong. The mother constantly makes herself known, compares herself with her daughter-in-law, shows all the shortcomings of the second. The daughter-in-law is the main enemy for the skin-visual mother-in-law, because she took her son away and became the reason for the weakening of the emotional connection. “Now you don’t need a mother!” - endless reproaches are poured down on the son, who seems to live between two fires. Harmonious relationships turn into a series of squabbles and scandals, the instigator of most of which is the mother-in-law.
HOW TO GET YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW AWAY FROM YOUR HUSBAND? CHICKEN RUNNAY
The only way to save the relationship is to move into a separate apartment. But the skin-visual mother-in-law will not just let her “precious boy” go, because for her this means a complete severance of the emotional connection. Constant calls, crying, health complaints, requests to come back... And our golden boy will suffer again and again and burn with guilt, try to move back to his mother.Then what should we do? Is it really not possible to make sure that “the wolves are fed and the sheep are safe”? There is, of course, the first step to solving the problem - realizing the reason for such a relationship between a mother and her son. After all, if the husband understands that he is being manipulated, he will stop reacting to emotional blackmail from his mother. How to get your mother-in-law away from her husband? - help her understand herself!
It is best to help the mother-in-law understand the reasons for her behavior: for example, give her the opportunity to undergo training in System-Vector Psychology. Because in this situation there are no right and wrong, there are no victims and villains: there are simply people who, due to certain circumstances, got confused, chose the wrong solution to the problem, which led to certain consequences.
How to get your mother-in-law away from her husband? There are no unsolvable situations. The step to solving any problem is the same: know yourself and others.
Together for 3 years. I am 23, he is 27. There are no children. In relations with my husband and mother-in-law, the situation is getting out of control.
The fact is that I was very jealous of my husband and his mother. When he called her (she lives in another city), he talked for a long time, sent some jokes on social media. networks, when she affectionately called him, I was literally torn from the inside. But I pulled myself together, tried to analyze, think soberly, but I let go.
But last week she came to us for 5 days. Before that, they had not seen each other for 7 months. I was in favor, because I understand with my mind that all this is nonsense, and staying with relatives, where everyone is already sitting on each other’s heads, is not an option. And we have a one-room, but large studio. This is my husband's mother. How can you not invite her? Moreover, when we communicate with her together, it’s a complete delight - she’s an intelligent, calm, wise woman, she seems to have no requests or complaints. Although I don’t have hopes that she loves me like her own, it is clear that she is trying to treat me well and take care of me.
She raised him, one might say, alone (she divorced her father when her husband was 12 years old), now she has no one and, as she says, she doesn’t need it. Judging by my husband’s stories, they were quite close: they went on vacation together until they were 19, and went for walks. So I barely made it through this week: I lost my temper, freaked out, got offended, left home, behaved like a stupid teenager.
As soon as her husband appeared, and she started cooing with him, giving him advice on wearing the “correct” intimate things, hygiene, trying to feed him almost from his mouth, hug him, when she tried to show an active interest in what interests him - in me as if a demon had taken over. It seemed to me that she was trying to show her superiority, primacy, that she was closer to him and he should listen to her. For example, I notice that he leaves the house in a T-shirt, I say: “Put on a jacket, it’s cool outside,” she: “Yes, put on a jacket, your mom tells you, then 10 seconds later, and your wife adds.” Or we go shopping: “Son, will you sponsor our shopping?” It’s as if I myself can’t decide with my husband how much money to take from the family budget.
Even help from her, like washing the dishes in our apartment, giving advice or preparing something without my knowledge, preparing breakfast for my husband, is perceived as an attempt to “take away” something important from me, an invasion of personal space. Intellectually, I understand that this is all some kind of madness, that this is a normal relationship between mother and son. It would have been much worse if he had “sent” her away and responded badly. She doesn’t want to offend or humiliate anyone, she’s just used to treating him that way. I understand that it was she who raised him to be a good person and pulled him along as best she could. I understand that she wants to help me, she doesn’t want to bother me with taking care of herself while visiting.
The only problem is me. But why does it take such ugly forms, and I have no idea how to deal with it. I really need help from this site before I cause trouble and ruin the relationship with my indignation, dissatisfied face and hysterics later on with my husband. I just wanted to stand up and shout: “Enough! This is my husband and I myself am able to take care of him and solve all the issues! We are family, accept that he is no longer your little boy and now I have to be the main woman in his life!” Today she left and I am incredibly ashamed. Such emptiness inside.
I am absolutely in favor of helping her, both material and moral. But again, so that all this goes through our family council. When we decide together what to give, how much money to give, I try to choose the best, I insist on good amounts. When something happens to her, I want to support her. But exactly until I am forced out of this “scheme”, even if not on purpose. Then I'm just beside myself with rage.
I really want to overcome all this nonsense, I want the family to be friendly, so that the grandchildren will happily wait for their grandmother to visit in the future, and not conflicts and misunderstandings. About myself and the site for my family: my mother died when I was 17 years old, my dad got married after that and lives his own life, and he is not inclined towards close relationships, everything is always my fault for him. My sister lives with her family in another city. I have work and hobbies, but at such moments I cannot distract myself from bad thoughts - it’s unbearable.
If you want your husband to love you, learn to please his mother. Iron rule! And to comply with it, you will have to carefully monitor your words. We have collected 20 phrases that are absolutely worth tabooing.
1. “You don’t understand anything about this! You are stuck in the Soviet Union!”
A phrase after which any mother-in-law will need validol. You have hurt your age and crossed out your happy youth. Moreover, they questioned the experience, which is clearly richer than yours.
2. “I will raise my son differently!”
And here there is a blow on several fronts at once. Firstly, you are hinting to your mother-in-law that her son is not a gift. Secondly, that she is a lousy mother. The question arises: and how did you manage to marry her (so terrible!) son?
3. “Mom didn’t teach me this way!”
Without a doubt, your mother is ideal. Continue to think this way, but don’t say anything to your mother-in-law.
4. “Now I’m his main woman!”
Competing with your husband's mother is useless. Do something more cunning: build a pedestal for her and simply observe the situation in the family. We guarantee that conflicts will decrease.
5. “Your mama’s boy has grown up!”
Ugh. After this phrase, you will quarrel not only with your mother-in-law, but also with your spouse.
This way you will hint that everything is very bad in her family. The mother-in-law will be offended. On the other hand, your reluctance to listen to the advice of an adult woman can be regarded as youthful maximalism.
7. “If I had known that he had such a mother, I would not have gotten married!”
Such complaints against a person who has never sought communication with you sound surprisingly strange. She should not live up to your expectations: sit with her grandchildren, cook lasagna and keep quiet. If you're lucky, that's great, if not, bite your tongue.
8. “The night cuckoo will snack on the day!”
Be well-mannered! And don’t expose your own mother to this phrase.
9. “It’s so good that the children took after me!”
And if I rephrase: I don't want my children to be like their father. A logical question that a mother-in-law will have: does she love my son?
10. “We can handle it ourselves!”
You reject the help of an experienced person. Listen, thank, analyze and do as you see fit.
11. “Be grateful that your son got me!”
Oh, you are an ideal, and her son is Ivanushka the Fool. Will you silently listen to how someone offends your child?
12. “I’m packing my bags!”
Were you ready to start a family? It turns out that at the first disagreement you wash your hands! Support your spouse and demand less.
13. “You should take your granddaughter to the zoo at least once!”
“I'm a disgusting grandma”, the mother-in-law will think. If she really isn't the best grandmother, keep the criticism to yourself.
14. “You don’t know him!”
No, she knows him. In any case, the mother-in-law did not beg to marry her son. This is your choice!
15. “Your son is stupid, fat, doesn’t know how to joke, a loser!”
Firstly, when the opportunity arises, the mother-in-law will convey these words to her son. Secondly, she will always remember them. Thirdly, what have you done to make your husband more educated, fit, witty and successful?
16. “Your Sashka (Pashka, Grishka)!”
Even if you and your husband are used to addressing each other this way, your mother-in-law may decide that you do not respect her son.
17. “My borscht tastes better than yours!”
She cooked it with the best intentions, so be grateful and eat. For gifts (appropriate or not), don’t forget to say “ Thank you”.
18. “He never bought me a diamond necklace!”
She may accuse you of being wasteful. Her son works hard, and all you can think of is how to spend his salary!
19. “I was walking, and my husband was sitting with the children.”
In the eyes of your mother-in-law, you will not seem like a very good wife. After all, it’s unfair that you “partyed” until the night, and her son was bored in the company of a small child.
20. “He doesn’t do anything around the house!”
You won't get any sympathy. In her eyes, her son is a plowman, and your place is behind the stove, washing machine and with a mop in your hands. It’s good if you work, but if you sit at home with your child, run away from reproaches.
