Humorous characteristics of people. Cool characteristic of a person

Aries (March 21 - April 20)
The decoration of the sign is bouts of bad mood and selfishness.

Aries - men are confident in their Sexual Professionalism and therefore adore sex. They go crazy in bed, if you, of course, have time to run to it. The good news for you is that any Aries will do in bed - he still sees only himself and tries in the same right direction, but get ready to copulate with him in the elevator, bus and in the cinema. Look carefully into the eyes of your friend Aries - the person is already exhausted. Because of this, many older ladies consider Aries a real paradise for the fair sex. If he lacks sex, then he becomes vulgar and all thoughts are occupied with only one thing: how to fuck someone. Aries' own opinion on any (even new) subject will be defended by him to the last. Even if he himself knows that he is wrong, he will argue and swear out of principle. Aries loser - a bore and a grumbler, from whom you need to stay away. Of the virtues of Aries, one should mention recklessness, adventurism and love for dubious scams. One of the cute habits is to disappear for a while, and then suddenly appear at the most unfortunate moment, ring the doorbell without warning, or on the phone when everyone has long been asleep.

Raised Sheep in close communication are straightforward and unceremonious. They love to fuck, push men around and read romantic porn. In the morning, the Sheep can easily pretend that it was not she who screamed yesterday during an orgasm and it seems that you are unfamiliar. If he falls in love, then only without memory. If a man is intellectually inferior to her, then most likely the matter will not come to bed because of Ovenshi's contempt for a stupid gentleman. In anger or resentment, she will do any stupid things - including cheating with the first handsome guy she comes across. Acts like a child, sobs and stamps his feet. For the sake of good sex, a chaste Sheep will easily leave a good person, but will tolerate the antics of some cretin, if only he fully satisfies her. Confident in their unwritten beauty, Owenshi rarely abuse cosmetics. Expect violent sexual upheavals, jealousy, betrayals and showdowns, in general, you will not regret it. Having an affair with Aries is a great exercise to harden your broken psyche. Aries girls like weak men, because they themselves are very strong and are the easiest to do without male support.

The Taurus man thinks to himself: "Unlike some, I can achieve everything and so, if I only want to. Why twitch in vain?" A sense of humor is not in the price of these slow subjects, because they often become the objects of jokes of their many friends, which they wildly hate in their hearts. It's nice that Taurus is too lazy to be angry. Some bad habit (for example, breaking fingers or picking their ears fiercely) brightens up their long thoughts about how to save money. Taurus is a mimic. And he imitates those who have achieved greater success, and considers the point of view acquired in early childhood to be the only correct one. Forever. The ideal of a woman is his mother. The ideal family is his family. If Taurus starts drinking or (if more advanced) drug addiction, then it is not easy for him to stop. So they should stay away from everything good. Idyll of Taurus: like a trophy seal, he lies on the sofa near the TV, leisurely chews or sips, thoughtfully pulling his hair.

Connected with a polygamous Taurus Woman? You are terribly lucky and boredom is over! Her feigned calm will soon turn into a scene with smashing dishes against your beautiful head. They themselves are then afraid to what extent they go berserk. If you screwed up, then begging for her forgiveness will not be easy. Between us, the Taurus of the female spill, as well as all of us, are not alien to obsessive thoughts about sex (they are bored with one man), which they clumsily cover with banal romantic tales. In moments free from scandals and worries, they like to gossip. In other words, if you would like to have a strong family and a bunch of children, look for yourself a huge Taurus Woman and get ready for happiness. Try to underfeed her a little and undergive her everything so that she does not lose interest in sex and life. You will be fine together.

Always clean and tidy Gemini leads among perverts and informals because of the desire to try everything. They masterfully torment their loved ones and friends in fits of bad mood. They tend to be constantly absorbed by some (and always different) Idea. In addition, the Gemini are great philosophers and their own thoughts usually lead them to a dead end. Gemini must cheat and be cheated. If they know what it is, then they suffer from claustrophobia to a greater or lesser extent.

The twins are always hanging out from place to place, changing friends, professions, despising schedules. They love to powder people's brains, make porridge and mock. Self-conceit at the highest level, although they can list their shortcomings for hours. Do not try to win a verbal battle from them - the tongue is perfectly suspended. Do not be offended by their evil jokes, it's all a complete circus - in fact, the envious Gemini thinks much worse of you. Like a true friend, Gemini will call you right away if he needs your help or a car. Property slips through your fingers, the future is unreliable with them, but the present is funny. Beware if your partner is a Gemini: if he is not with you now, then he is probably flirting with your girlfriend in the next room. After Gemini's friend, men will seem fresh to you for a long time.

Although the Twins tend to fuck just about anyone when they are young, they are generally considered cold. It is easy to fall in love, but there is not enough for love, it carries somewhere past. It happens that they become attached to people, if there is no one else. Their new ideas and eccentric antics will drive any greedy Capricorn or sleepy Taurus crazy. With them, you could make all your nefarious sexual dreams come true, if only you could fulfill at least a quarter of their materialistic fantasies. Rarely speaking the truth, Gemini prefer to speak in half hints if there is no way to just lie. The loss of a boyfriend awakens the sporting interest of Gemini to return him, and the disappearance of his favorite hairpin - a tantrum. Spiritual intimacy and money are more important for her than sex, but she will willingly sleep with a man she likes (even if her husband or boyfriend sleeps in the next room). Like any ideal life partner, Gemini prefers a career to housekeeping.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
The decoration of the sign is hypocrisy and isolation. The mood changes depending on the moon and the wind, mostly in the direction of deterioration. Their deep inner world still remains a mystery to everyone, including, of course, the crayfish themselves.

Cancer is eloquent, lazy, but erotic. Favorite sexual fantasy is rape. Always with money, but at the same time it whines. She considers women inferior, but prefers the young. At the same time, he is interested in everyone else without exception (except for the disabled and ugly), while he imagines a lot to himself. Ask him about it on occasion ... He tends to become attached to one, remakes it for a long time and then painfully experiences a break (sometimes even a whole month). If he is contradicted, he can go berserk and even briefly blush with anger. In anger, it becomes a little unpleasant. No one will play you such an offended "virtue" when in fact he is to blame, like Cancer. He will get entangled in three pines himself and at the same time confuse everyone around. A typical sissy - as mom said, so be it. All in all, good luck ladies (and gentlemen?).

There is nothing more boring and whiny than the tender Cancer Woman. If you feel sorry for her, then the snot will dissolve to the knees. Over the collection of her complexes and prejudices, drunken psychiatrists are racking their brains. She is terrified of criticism, especially if they make fun of her at the same time. Just a hint of insufficient interest in her - and Rakinya is in the abyss of such depressions that neither Pisces nor Scorpios dreamed of ... However, do not think that this is a weak woman - she is not only vengeful and touchy, but also loves very much (and knows how) to play on our weaknesses, dear! And she achieves considerable success in this matter ... In sex, she is aroused by the role of an innocent girl, who is taken over by a dissolute man. And yet, do not swear at her to no avail - in this case, you can achieve something only by caress.

Lions (July 23 - August 22)
Leos love life, love to sleep, spend money and consider themselves unsurpassed, suffering in the surrounding pornography. Lions are terribly proud that they are Lions, and not some kind of Pisces and in general.

The arrogant Leo is too generous to remember insults or promises. After all, he is a real Man of the Word (because he speaks almost all the time), and he will certainly fulfill the promise, if he does not forget. The proud Leo does not like conflict, but has a talent for getting into all sorts of alterations and stories. The worst thing a Leo can do is bark, and Happiness for him is to play big in a casino. In bed, he always tries to prove that he is the most tireless lover. Or maybe it is, the flattered red girls think ...

The vain and domineering Lioness has an enviable talent for inventing her own misfortunes. When her pride is hurt, she will not make any malicious plans, but will simply express right away what she thinks and pouts about you. The romantic Lioness often falls in love with men who don't give a damn about her. Feeling love from her partner, she can ruthlessly abandon him... The lioness modestly considers herself the center of the universe and her motto is simple - "You must come to me yourself." She is very nervous about her appearance and would rather miss an important event than show up with a pimple. Panically afraid of old age and reacts very painfully to each new microscopic wrinkle. Do not try to criticize the Lioness!!! It will be worse for you ... Do you want to please? Buy her some expensive goldfish and tell her that she has a character (face) like that of an angel, that you don't need anyone other than her. Three or four days a week, the Lioness is "loaded" in depression, and the rest of the time rightly imagines herself a gift of fate for you, my friend.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Give Virgo freedom of criticism!!! Fact: Some Virgos don't drink because they think it's bad for the liver.

They love to work, although the ultimate goal of work (and life) is vague, they love to read, immediately forgetting what they read. They do not show their emotions, even if they have them, but when they are drunk they will cry to you about their first love, which, naturally, was the strongest, real and certainly unhappy, they will tell stories from their lives, which they themselves seem to believe . Good luck that usually Virgos do not become big bosses, because they have a cash register in their head and they like to work exclusively to the point of exhaustion. Women, be careful: sweet-talking Virgos know When and What you need to say, but don't flatter yourself, these are just manifestations of gallantry towards the entire female sex in general. Things usually go no further than words. According to experienced women, sometimes there are technical lovers among Virgos and romance in sex with him will be no less than in masturbation. And Virgos also like to pretend to be just friends if something doesn’t work out.

Among the stubborn and self-confident Virgos, there are many unmarried ladies, as it is difficult for them to find a person who meets their highest standards. Their favorite answer is objection. The desire for purity is adorned by the constant readiness to criticize you for your own good. However, Virgos are able to share the roof with loafers and losers, with whom not a single decent Gemini would sit at the table. (A constant object for criticism at hand?) Girls have enough fantasy in sex for no more than three and a half positions, although they can be persuaded into almost everything, thanks to the absence of complexes in this regard ... Get to know the Virgin at least in order to get to know yourself from the outside. And the virgins are ready to fall in love with telegraph poles, and at this time they themselves die of self-pity.

When the decision is made, there is simply no one more decisive than Libra, but usually it is already too late anyway. The phrase "All life is a theater, all the people in it are actors" is about them, playing their role even in complete solitude. Guessing Libra is easy by the dimples on the cheeks.

Libra men more easily cut through complex abstractions than everyday life, perfectly see all the shortcomings, but do not speak out loud about it. A woman who decides to make a scene for them may consider it won even before the start, because of the latter's aversion to scandals ... Even if they are right in the dispute, they will not prove it, but most likely retreat, maintaining their peace of mind. However, in the female environment there is an opinion that Libra men are Hemorrhagic.

The Libra woman has been confident in her irresistibility and uniqueness since childhood. "What is it to me, so beautiful and smart, these unpleasant duties, this is below my dignity!" she thinks, absent-mindedly doubtful. Sexual love gets on her nerves over time, kissing, she looks at the landscape and gets a little bored, but if at the moment there is no admirer, she is lost. Are men interested in her at all, you ask? Yes. Interested. But mostly as admiring fans, spectators or, at worst, listeners. When proper applause is given at the right time, any roommate's ramblings will be heard and sins forgiven. If it is inconvenient to introduce her man to her acquaintances, then either he will have to find some kind of sluggish Fish for himself, or she will change her acquaintances. Moreover, she will also have to decide on fluctuations. Do not order Libra - it is useless. And do not bother with questions - they are secretive and do not really like to lie.

Scorpios (October 23 - November 22)
An interesting feature of Scorpios is that what is considered a disadvantage for all people can be regarded as a great dignity and even be a source of pride for them.

The vindictive and narcissistic Scorpio fights hard all his life being active in sex until old age. Despising the snot of weaklings, he does not tolerate objections and excuses, actively showing his misplaced enthusiasm. Never cries into a vest. Knowing everything in advance, he achieves success in any field, stuffing whiners and uncertain kicks. Loyalty is an empty phrase, although he always cares about his unfortunate family. He does not count money, but he remembers very well how many times they forgot to rejoice at his gift. Stubbornness and inability to reckon with other people's opinions can also be added to pleasant features. In the middle of life, Scorpios - men usually divorce noisily from their exhausted wives. Enemies, do not hope for forgiveness!!! Only death or bad luck will save you from the Evil Uncle Scorpio...

The insidious Scorpio is depraved, despises stingy gentlemen, is demanding in the bedroom - lazy males are difficult to match. Doesn't mess around with a loser who left her unsatisfied. It's funny that in the soul of a Scorpio, she is absolutely sure that other women in terms of sex are zero compared to her. Therefore, she is so furious if she is cheated on, unless, of course, she does not care about it. Scorpio hates lies, although she herself will lie to you from three boxes. She will not hesitate to beat off a gaping friend's boyfriend or husband. To any new personality, a reaction like: "Whose slave are you going to be ?!". The fury of the Scorpion is beyond description - it must be seen, and if you like the thrill, piss off. Some even marry them, it is not clear what they are hoping for ...

Sagittarius (November 23 - December 20)
fanaticism and modesty. I recommend reading Sagittarius opinions about themselves ...

Obsessed with work and career, Sagittarians are distinguished by an excellent barracks sense of humor and amazing medieval gallantry in our time. Women praise the passionate lovers of Sagittarius for their sensitivity and ability to kindle the fires of the big city in a local bunk. They actively despise female jealousy and do not miss a single skirt - of any age, appearance and behavior. Sagittarians like to talk high topics and adore black clothes. They rarely drink (mostly drink), and in their old age they write memoirs made up from cover to cover. Among the male archers, I came across most often puffy, sweaty, and with a mug that is useless to shave, but scary to beat.

Shooter Woman - Casanova in a skirt, carelessly passing from one man to another. She is vain and considers herself a sexual gift to a man. Without being ashamed, he will tell his lover about his predecessors, and when disappointed in him, he will not hesitate to say about it ... It's funny that men, as a rule, cheat on them with terrible force. The Sagittarius woman is the dream of a romantic or a pervert, because she is the way a man sees her, if she wants him of course.

Capricorn (December 21 - January 20)
Despots and tyrants, and in which case they are also "loaded" to the fullest. Positive qualities: anyone will be driven crazy with their whining.

Man - Capricorn is ambitious and lustful. Petty, but boring. He rightly considers all women dissolute and actively prefers anal sex ... Confident that he knows life 100 times better, he tirelessly soars our brains, teaching what and how to do it. When teachings dry up, he can philosophize for hours on a wide variety of topics. It will pleasantly impress you with its zhlobstvo. Capricorn believes that the main goal of others is to complicate his already difficult life. If he is seriously offended by someone, this worthless little man will be forever deleted from the lists. Forever. If you're lucky, you will definitely marry by calculation.

The notorious Capricorn is cautious and superficially keeps herself in control, but inside the fire of her passions is raging. Suspicious over-emotional person, a solid bundle of exposed nerves, constant mood swings. Once a week, a long, but very violent hysteria for relaxation. She is not bored alone with herself, as she is constantly busy looking for problems where there are none. Either everything or nothing - this is such a simple choice that Capricorns present to us ... They are scared to death of falling in love, looking forward to a real feeling, but they often make the wrong choice. "I have to be myself!" - the prudent and prim Madame Capricorn repeats to herself. After numerous love affairs, she finally marries, but she will never be completely satisfied. At times you hate her and under the fire of her benevolent criticism you slowly go crazy... The only female sign that is not amenable to conviction at all.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
Nervous Aquarians of both sexes fall into childhood unnoticed until old age.

Freedom-loving Aquarians are sexually shy and expect the first step from a woman. They say that in bed they don’t know elementary things, and they don’t strive too much for the heights of erotic art, they sniffle and grunt inappropriately a lot, believing that this is how it should be, so the young ladies have to strain and teach clumsy Aquarius ... Sexual fantasies - above the roof, but the energy burns out in masturbation, and if you're lucky, then in simple masturbation. They are always saddened by something, they love clothes more than women ... It is interesting that Aquarius's sense of humor dominates over everyone else, which helps them out in such an unfortunate situation. By the way, Aquarius likes only "tender girls with a pure soul" ...

The embezzler and hysterical Aquarius is vicious, but quick-witted, loves to seduce and fight back, humiliating a person. She hates when strangers look at her as a sex object, although the eroticism is present for her everywhere, even in the way she is served a coat. If you are with her today for the first time, it is unlikely that the matter will end in bed, but the best Friend for a man (almost anyone) simply does not happen. If it’s really bad, she will give and won’t even ask who you are and where you are from. Aquarius does not object to men's work and (if need forces) can easily be a carpenter or a driver, does not like to cook, and especially cook. From her youth, she selects an impeccable companion, but she marries late, and the nationality, skin color or religion of her chosen one will surprise even Aquarius herself for many years. Of all his colorful (and expensive) wardrobe, he actively prefers jeans.

Pisces (February 19 - March 26)
Eccentrics with a well-spoken tongue and a cynical sense of humor. The decoration of the sign is "punctuality" and the ability to talk with oneself (oneself).

Embittered men of this sign do not like those who come to them with advice. Due to the lack of strong convictions and secrecy, it is not clear to anyone how they actually relate to people and life (or do they relate at all?). Ordinary things (for example, tying shoelaces) seem like excruciating duties to Rybtsy. Before they lift a finger, they can plunge into long reflections. It is believed that nosy fish men are good gentlemen who know how to show a woman how beautiful she is.

Pisces women live in a world of illusion and incessant chatter, putting up with the constant feeling that they have been betrayed. They are gentle sexual partners, but almost always with a "skeleton in the closet". Do not lie to the Rybins - they have crazy intuition. People around are an open book and Pisces has a great sense of humor about their problems. They are indifferent to alcohol, but they still drink, although they are suspicious, and are always shaking for their health.

It is hard to imagine how much work they had to put in to raise such a wonderful son, but they both did a great job with their work. The kindness, gentleness and patience of the mother, along with the purposefulness, diligence and sensitivity of the father, were embodied in their children.

In their free time from raising children, they work as judges - mom in the world court, and dad in the Moscow military court - major general of justice.

In addition, dad teaches at the Moscow State University at the Faculty of Law, built a "house in the village", where he and his mother take a break from Moscow on weekends.

Alena's mom and dad - full name

We got married in Leningrad and a year later, the fruit of their love appeared - our bride.

Mom, like a real wife of a military doctor, loves to travel ... especially to military camps and garrisons, loves to cook, raise children and, of course, loves her husband very much.

Dad, like a loving husband, did not refuse anything to his wife, and drove her ... to garrisons and military camps from St. Petersburg to the Far East.

In his youth, he is fond of music, played the bass guitar in a band, likes to take pictures and go fishing with his son.

Alexei's sister - Yulia, she is Yulenka

Unlike Sergey, she did not turn away from the path of a lawyer and, last year, she received a diploma in law. Faculty of Moscow State University.

Works in a notary's office, plans to become a notary.

One of the most trusted persons of the groom. He knows many of his mysteries and secrets.

And finally, it's just beautiful. She is accompanied by a friend - Filimonov Vasily.

Alena's favorite brother is Vadik

Vadik is fond of football, archery and even won prizes in competitions.

He loves fishing - in his collection there are already hundreds of fish from crucian carp to snakehead. Lately he has been studying in St. Petersburg.

Alexei's grandmother - Zoya Petrovna

For the closest people - Grandmother Zoya, she is the groom's grandmother and mother - Sergey's mother. Previously, she operated with such terms as debit and credit, but now she is ready to give advice to anyone: where is the best pool in Mytishchi and in which forest, in those parts, it is better to walk on foot, and where it is better to ride a bicycle. The consultation will be based on long-term personal experience.

Alena's grandmother - Rimma Petrovna

For the bride, she is a beloved grandmother and mother - Pope Mary.

The bride owes much of her good health to the time she spent with her grandmother in the village.

Rimma Petrovna has a house in the village and runs her own household.

Alexei's grandmother - Elizaveta Stepanovna

For the closest people Grandmother Liza, she is the groom's grandmother and mother - father Sergei. It fully corresponds to the words of Chekhov: "Everything in a person should be beautiful."

Alena's cousins ​​- Alexei Vasilievich and Irina Igorevna

Aleksey Vasilievich is a wonderful organizer, a toastmaster known in the family circle and a merry fellow in life, he was very upset when he found out that there was already a toastmaster at this wedding, since from the very birth of his granddaughter ... he wanted to be a toastmaster at her wedding.

Irina Igorevna, support and rear of Alexei Vasilyevich. In addition to the fact that she organizes home life, she is in no way inferior to her husband in terms of organizing celebrations.

The Verkhovodin couple - Aunt Sonya, Uncle Lesha and Alexei's cousin - Igor

Sonya is Sergey's aunt and sister - the groom's mother.

Sonya has been saving people in an ambulance for a long time, but now she works in commerce. A very determined and strong woman.

Sony's husband is Alex. Likes speed and engine noise. There are rumors that Alexei overtook Michael Schumacher himself, but ... just before the finish he succumbed to him ... so as not to offend him. And, of course, Igor is Sergei's cousin.

He loves cars and is now on the path of definition in life.

Alena's aunt and uncle - Sofia Nikiforovna and Ilya Matveevich

Sofya Nikiforovna is the godmother of the bride. Saves people - working on an ambulance. A very kind person and I want to note that at one time there were rumors that Dr. Aibolit became so kind after working with Sophia in one shift.

Ilya Matveevich is Sophia's husband. Works at Russian Railways. It was Ilya Matveyevich who taught the bride to ride a bicycle.

Uncle Sasha and aunt Sofya - uncle and aunt Alexei, as well as his cousins ​​- Alla and Vera and all four, oddly enough, the Arkhipov couple

Uncle Sasha is not only the uncle of the groom, he is also the brother of the groom's dad. Alexander follows the path of a professional photographer. If Sergey wants to restore the most interesting moments of his childhood, he will always have such an opportunity, just by looking at the photos taken by Alexander. Yes, the first sneakers in Sergey's life and the very first chewing gum were donated by Uncle Alexander. So this is the groom's favorite uncle =). Next to Alexander is his wife Sophia, who manages to combine 4 things at the same time. Work, housekeeping, raising 2 daughters and ... leading the selection committee for choosing suitors for daughters.

... And finally, the above-mentioned daughters Alla and Vera are the groom's cousins. It seems that quite recently they celebrated how they turned 5 years old, and here two brides have already grown up. They are not just beauties, Alla loves animals very much, knows how to ride horses and ... shoot with her eyes, and Vera draws beautifully, and ... makes even creative young men worry, who usually do not notice anything around them.

Alena's cousins ​​and brother - Anastasia and Stanislav

Anastasia is the bride's beloved cousin. Now an economist, and, once, at the Udarnik state farm, they climbed the gardens together and hung out in discos.

About Stanislav, we can say that he dances well, composes and raps.

Alexey's friends - Sergey and Ekaterina Varenikovs

After a long period of work in Karelia, Sergei returned to Moscow, where, finally, he was able to find his happiness in the person of Catherine. After the birth of a baby, happiness simply overwhelms this couple. Nevertheless, Sergey still manages not to forget about his work in the Presidential Administration of the Russian Federation.

Alena's cousins ​​uncle and aunt - uncle Seryozha and aunt Nadia

Uncle Seryozha - plays the guitar perfectly, sings and once, together with the father of the bride, played in the same group.

According to reliable sources, he understands all kinds of electronics and is a professional radio amateur - he has already contacted all points on the planet, both from America to Japan, and from the North to the South Poles.

If Popov had not invented the radio in his time, Sergey Alekseevich would definitely have done it today.

Aunt Nadia is the wife of Uncle Sergei. The warmth and comfort of their home is purely her merit.

She cooks superbly and only she manages to distract Sergei Alekseevich from radio broadcasts, attract him to the warmth of the hearth and ... to eat an amazing meal.

Repeatedly, her recipes became the object of searches for foreign intelligence services.

Friends of Alexei - Mikhail and Maria Khramenkov

Mikhail is a good person, ... and Maria is also a good person, and, as you know, there should be many good people. That is why good people, without hesitation, decided to unite and live together, so that it would be good for themselves and others. They also have two good kids.

Alena's second cousin is Katenka, who cares about our planet and its ecology more than Greenpeace

Loves animals, nature and travelling. The most favorite route ... to my grandmother in the village.

He is fond of dancing, loves to skate, like all romantic natures, sings songs for himself and his family, periodically recording at his home studio.

Friends of Alexei - Maxim and Violetta Novozhilov

Maxim gets sick a lot and often ... because he is a fan of Moscow Spartak. I traveled all over Moscow with my favorite team. When Maxim is not sick, he works, one of the most responsible people in Moscow.

Violetta, Maxim's wife, created such a good atmosphere at home that Maxim does not get sick at home, but pampers his wife. They are raising a son together.

Alena's cousins ​​uncle and aunt - Alexey and Aleftina Karpov

Uncle Lesha and aunt Alya are role models for any family.

Uncle Lesha is not only a real earner, but also a great cook who can cook dinner for the whole family.

Aunt Alya is the keeper of the hearth. Both of them are now raising a granddaughter ... and a son-in-law.

Friends of Alexei - Stepan and Maria Zinoviev

Stepan is a very positive person. It's probably impossible to see him sad.

He loves cars very much… SELL!!!

Next to Stepan, his wife is Maria. One of the most important events in the life of this couple will happen this year - the birth of a second child. GOOD FELLOWS!!!

Yes, by the way, Stepan and Maria dance VERY cool and the groom really hopes that today all the guests present will be able to see it.

Alena's second cousin, with her husband - Lydia and Dmitry Leonidov

Lydia is the elder sister of the bride and, as the elder sister, she taught the bride a lot: how to make eyes for the boys, what is a player, what is marlboro and how to smoke it ... After such lessons, all the boys of the Udarnik state farm were at their feet.

Alexei's friend - Peter Samokhvalov

This modest, young man, being a friend of the newlyweds, manages to wear the shoulder straps of a lieutenant colonel of the FSB of the Russian Federation.

When he launched an arrow in search of a bride, he did not find the frog princess. His arrow flew out of Russia, where it is to this day, because what kind of foreign country can there be with such and such a job ... So while Peter is without a life partner, but there are still arrows.

Alena's friend - Ekaterina Shirshakova

Catherine is one of the most beautiful bridesmaids. Vladivostok is famous for its abundance of beautiful, smart and economic girls, Ekaterina is Miss Vladivostok -2009 and was Miss Medical University throughout her studies.

Together with the bride, Katya sat at the same desk at school, sunbathed together on the beach in the summer, walked along the embankment together and studied at the medical university together.

Now Ekaterina is equipping her nest in the near Moscow region, dreaming of her own beauty salon and a prince on a white horse.

Friends of Alexei - Yakov and Anastasia Koklyushkin

Yakov is another frequently ill person, only here Yakov is not a fan of Spartak Moscow, like some, but for his favorite business, where he acts as deputy director of ... a very beautiful business. What a big secret.

He plays football well - at least once a week he compares his skills with others. He is fluent in several foreign languages.

Anastasia is Yakov's wife, works at a very difficult job and ... is Alexander's spiritual inspirer.

Another wonderful couple, in which everything is wonderful.

They bring up a child and love to travel very much.

Alena's friend - Vyacheslav, with his wife Alexandra

Vyacheslav, together with his fiancee, gnaws at the granite of science, getting a second higher education.

In general, Vyacheslav and Alexandra are professional linguists and translators.

At home, in Russian, they communicate only on weekends, and today is just a day off, so if they want to wish something to the newlyweds, all the guests present will understand them.

Friends of Alexei - Vladimir and Svetlana Kostin

Vladimir is a computer genius. A very kind person and an amazingly reliable friend of Sergei, who has been the most trusted friend of the groom for the last 8 years.

Svetlana, in addition to working with her husband and raising her son, keeps her home warm so elegantly that if there were a competition for the best housewife in the Russian Federation, she would definitely take first place.

Alena's friend - Olga Kuznetsova

Olga is an equally beautiful bridesmaid from Vladivostok.

She is the standard of a real woman: beautiful, stately, smart, knows several languages ​​(more than one for sure), and she is also a very good doctor.

Olya, like a real woman, can make dinner out of nothing and at the same time feed all her many friends.

Friends of Alexey - Ruslan and Yana Chernov

Any difficulties pass before Ruslan, there is no better specialist in Audi repair.

And he is very reminiscent of Kolyan from Real boys, in that he is just as correct.

Yana is the wife of Ruslan. While Ruslan saves another car, Yana then makes sure that the life of the rescuer is comfortable, that the rescuer's suit is washed and ironed, and that the rescuer is fed.

Has a secret passion - loves shopping... in search of beautiful things.

Alena's family friend - Aunt Raya

Aunt Raya - lived for 10 years and where her brother was born.

There she became the godmother of the bride's brother and helped the mother of the bride in the upbringing of her son in a difficult battle.

It was Aunt Raya who revealed to the bride the whole truth about pharmacists: in the pharmacy, not just sellers, but people who graduated from medical school, she used to say.

As the wife of a military man, she also loves to travel and knows how to create comfort in the house.

Alexey's family friends - Vasily and Elena Sushnikovs

Vasily and Elena are the parents of two small twins Sashuli and Petrusha, they are young and very promising. Elena is on temporary leave, and Vasily works for a notorious furniture office as a tough boss with a bunch of business trips.

Alena's friends - Fedor and Evgenia

Fedor, together with his fiancee, also gnaws at the granite of science, receiving his third education. The first two are not enough for him to be a deputy in the government of Tatarstan and manage the construction business.

Fedor dreams that there would be less corruption in Russia, and also wants to have a dacha in Cyprus. Evgenia, Fyodor's faithful companion, illuminates the path and always supports her beloved in all endeavors.

Friends of Alexei - Artem and Amalia Burashnikov

This glorious couple formed over a year ago. Lovely, very funny people, where you can always eat a piece of homemade pizza and play charades. But this is not the main thing ... more important is that they are reliable friends, they will share the last sock and if something does not stick, they will be among the first to come to the rescue.

Funny about zodiac signs

Humor and positive. Three themes in one:
1. Evaluation of the signs of the zodiac from the position of Thinks-Speaks-Does.
2. Behavior of signs after sex.
3. Life principles of the signs of the zodiac.

Aries: Thinks a lot. He says little. Does it right.
Taurus: Thinks about many things. He speaks persuasively. He does what he does.
Twins: Thinks about himself. Says what he thinks. Does - thinks very well.
Cancer: Thinks all the time. He says it's tempting. Does what they say.
A lion: Thinks exactly. He says it's redundant. He does what he couldn't get out of.
Virgo: Thinks one. Says something else. Does - the third, but well.
Scales: Thinks it's redundant. He says honestly. Does it responsibly.
Scorpion: Thinks in focus. He says exactly. Does what you like.
Sagittarius: He thinks - that only he ... He says - that everything except him .. He does it - by proxy.
Capricorn: He thinks what comes to mind. He says what he thinks. He does what he can.
Aquarius: He thinks - "what do you need?" Says - "well, if necessary" Does - the best.
Fishes: Thinks no one knows. He speaks - he is smart. Does - depending on whether they check the work.

After sex. Jokes about zodiac signs

Aries: Okay, here we go again!
Taurus: I want to eat! Pass me the pizza!
Gemini: Where's the TV remote?
Cancer: When will we get married?
Leo: Wasn't I (a) great (great)?
Virgo: Let me see the sheets
Libra: If you liked it, I liked it too
Scorpio: Perhaps now you can untie
Sagittarius: Don't call me, I'll call myself
Capricorn: Do you have a business card?
Aquarius: And now let's try WITHOUT clothes!
Pisces: So what do you say your name is?

Life principles of the signs of the zodiac.
In every joke, they say, there is a share of humor)))

Aries:
1. It's better not to argue with me.
2. First I will do it, then I will think.
3. Where the rest slow down, I step on the gas.
4. I will be forever young.
5. Do as I do, because you can’t do better anyway.
6. The most difficult thing is to listen to the interlocutor to the end.
7. Stubbornness is not a vice.
8. It is easy to control the situation, it is more difficult to control your emotions.
9. One Aries is good, two Aries is a lot.
10. I don't attack first. But God forbid you hurt me.

Taurus:
1. Do not feel sorry for the money to buy, sorry for the party.
2. I don't need someone else's, don't touch mine.
3. A bad peace is better than a good quarrel.
4. Do not disturb the one who is well seated.
5. Better a beautiful sofa than a beautiful sunset.
6. Food is a serious thing.
7. An affectionate calf sucks two queens.
8. When you ride second, you save energy.
9. I hate disposable lighters!
10. The taster is my true calling.

Twins:
1. Today I am not the same as yesterday.
2. Who owns the situation, he owns the information.
3. One mind is good, but two is better, especially if both belong to the same person.
4. Figaro here, Figaro there.
5. The idea, like other products, should not be stale.
6. One TV, telephone in the house is good, but three is better.
7. Who did not have time, he was late.
8. I move through life like a scooter on water - I don’t go deep, but quickly.
9. I don’t answer “for the market” at the market.
10. I love quantity because there is not enough time for quality.

Cancer:
1. My home is my castle.
2. Babysitting others is my true calling.
3. It would be nice to stock up on everything in the world, and patience and jam.
4. Everything comes to the one who knows how to wait.
5. Meet your friends at home, not in a cafe.
6. Nothing warms the soul like the sight of a stocked refrigerator.
7. It is better to save up, but buy a worthy thing.
8. It's hard to live where there is nowhere to hide.
9. I carry my past with me like a backpack.
10. Is it really possible to wear out a coat in twenty years?

A lion:
1. I will lead you into the distance of light.
2. It is better to give support than to receive it.
3. Nice manners are half the battle.
4. The sun shines on Leo.
5. A beautiful sign on the office door is more important than a high salary.
6. I like to earn well, and even more - to spend.
7. A grand piano in the house is better than a piano, even if there is no one to play it.
8. Despite my friendly appearance, I am a dictator at heart.
9. If you do - so in a big way.
10. Why do you need the sun if I'm with you????

Virgo:
1. Patience and work will grind everything.
2. Modesty adorns not only a girl, but also a maiden.
3. Everyone lives for himself, but serves others.
4. Order is needed everywhere: both in thoughts and in the kitchen.
5. Prove to me strictly logically that we are made for each other.
6. Crooked hanging shelf drives me crazy.
7. On a large scale, I get lost.
8. I have a hard time getting the pits out of a whole bucket of cherries.
9. In every Virgo lives a cool lady.
10. Fly agaric certainly needs to catch the eye, and white mushroom - and so good.

Scales:
1. Without a partner - like without hands.
2. The most disgusting thing is to argue.
3. Win by agreeing.
4. Only fools are principled.
5. Involve anyone in anything.
6. Beauty will save the world.
7. Everything must be done according to the mood.
8. The most difficult thing is to make a choice.
9. Not all "and" should be dotted.
10. I myself don’t know if I’m for the Whites or the Reds.

Scorpion:
1. Sorry, no one to sting.
2. Every event is like a sofa: it must have hidden springs.
3. There must be a good reason to smile.
4. You can get rid of everything, but not from your own passions.
5. I sing a song of love on the battlefield. 6. Not everyone can stand my gaze.
7. My passions rarely come out, like a shark that rarely comes to the surface.
8. The world is lost without knights.
9. Otella has not yet died out in the land!
10. I look like a cactus - my fabulous flower is revealed for the elite.

Sagittarius
1. There should be many good people.
2. To whom I owe, I forgive everyone.
3. The best vacation is a trip around the world.
4. The main thing in the problem is its scale.
5. My ideal is Ivan Tsareevich.
6. It is impossible to be angry with me.
7. Remorse - what is it?
8. Obligation adorns only mediocre people.
9. Worrying in advance is stupid, let's look at the situation.
10. Not an obligatory person, it is simply obliged to be obligatory.

Capricorn:
1. I'm not a springer or even a stayer. I am a marathon runner.
2. And one warrior in the field.
3. Do not break the laws - another will do, but you will be caught.
4. For myself, I need very little. My property is just a mirror of my successes.
5. Life is like a train that arrives at every station exactly on schedule.
6. It's nice to talk about distant countries while sitting at home.
7. Real Capricorn, like cognac, is distinguished by aging.
8. It is worth climbing to the top all your life in order to spit down from there once.
9. Only I get younger with age.
10. I’m going - I’m going, I don’t whistle, but when I hit it, I won’t let it go.

Aquarius:
1. How boring it is to be like others!
2. If I came up with you, become what I want.
3. Prejudices are for fools.
4. The future just has to be great.
5. It's hard to be an angel, but it's necessary.
6. Good intention is more important than good deeds.
7. To become an innovator, you must first forget about tradition.
8. Sex? There are more important things in life.
9. First friends, and then family ... if, of course, there is time left.
10. I am not kinder, I am not more cheerful.

Fishes:
1. Sympathy is more important than helping.
2. I can not refuse alcohol, like a fish from water.
3. Order was invented by boring people.
4. Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
5. You never know what I can promise...
6. Working in a hurry is the same as swallowing without chewing.
7. Ready to understand everyone, but not yourself.
8. Willow bends in a storm, and oak falls.
9. Everyone knows that I am always busy, but few people know what exactly.
10. Do not put pressure on me, otherwise I will slip away like a fish out of my hands!
Source /www.liveinternet.ru/users/in-light/post209299345/>
STEP on the RAKE:
Aries: stepping on a rake, he will become so enraged that he will break them, but in the process he will get five more times in the head with them.
Taurus: will step on the rake again and again until it breaks.
Gemini: will be able to decide where to go only after stepping on all the rakes.
Cancer: This alone will make him take a step forward.
Leo: Will tell everyone how cool it is and encourage everyone to do the same.
Virgo: will advance slowly and methodically. I am sure that if you step in the right way, everything will work out.
Libra: they will doubt for a very long time, and, having made the only right decision, they will step on the biggest ones.
Scorpio: if he notices that it was, he is unlikely to think about it.
Sagittarius: will definitely try to take revenge and come again.
Capricorn: stepping on a rake will understand that he stepped on them, but this hardly means anything.
Aquarius: will only step on the rake he likes.
Pisces: they will blame themselves for this all their lives. The only consolation is that thanks to them, someone else did not step on the rake.

Of course, everyone is familiar with horoscopes, at least once in their life they read them. Whether they are true or not, it will not be possible to say for sure. But for those who are interested, this article is written. It will feature a funny characterization of the zodiac signs as well as some funny horoscopes. After reading our article, for example, you can find out how Scorpio drinks and what kind of food Aquarius likes.

Characteristics of Aries and Taurus. Description of these signs

Let's start, perhaps, with the compilation of funny characteristics of the signs of the zodiac. Let's start with Aries. You will not be able to find a more capricious diehard than Aries. At the same time, he hates routine. The representative of the sign does not like to do what he does not like. It is almost impossible to persuade him to do such a thing. Although there is one trick - tell him that someone performed such a task better. Then Aries will do the job by all means, and even better than anyone else.

Compiling a funny horoscope, one cannot fail to say about the fiery nature of Aries. This person can spend a lot of time conquering the object of passion. Aries acts quickly, almost instantly and assertively. Therefore, it is very difficult to get rid of it.

If you are looking for a worthy competitor in terms of the degree of stubbornness of Aries, then this is Taurus. Moreover, this sign has another "bonus" - fierce conservatism. For him, old things are very valuable. Taurus are often boring. In general, representatives of the sign are closed personalities. It's easier to talk to a wall than to them. At least you can knock on it, and in response you will hear a rumble. And from Taurus, you can expect ringing silence and silence. Taurus believe that the more time they spend trying to achieve their beloved, the more valuable she is. The same rule applies to making money.

Characteristics of Gemini and Cancer. Distinctive features of each of the signs

Compiling a cheerful horoscope for Gemini, let's say that the representatives of the sign are always for new adventures. These personalities are eccentric individuals who have a company of winds in their heads. Gemini love and talk a lot, they can tell something for hours. This is the funniest characteristic of the zodiac sign. Also in Gemini, laziness is legendary. They don't like to go into details. They need money, because they spend it quickly and naturally, as they say.

Cancers are quite soft, romantic and intelligent natures. Although outwardly you can not say that from them.

What is the funny characteristic of the zodiac sign? That they, just like their namesakes from the animal kingdom, take neat steps forward and run back. From this we can safely conclude that Cancers are indecisive and cautious. They are afraid to do something, even cheat on a partner.

You should not joke sparklingly with Cancer, as this nature is too sentimental, it can be offended by light humor.

Characteristics of Leo and Virgo. What is special about these zodiac signs? Joking descriptions of each

The lion is the unique king of animals. When compiling a funny horoscope for Leo, one cannot help but recall his greatness. He is an important person and demonstrates this in every possible way. People around should be glad even that Leo is next to them. His aura will paint the muddy swamp with bright colors.

Now let's make a cheerful horoscope of Virgo. It is known that appearances can be deceiving. This phrase is entirely suitable for Dev. After all, when you hear this word, the imagination draws a cute creature. But astrologers do not agree with such a description, which make up the ridiculous characteristics of the signs of the zodiac. In reality, Virgos are completely different. Not so cute. Sometimes they can even be maniacs. According to statistics, many maniacs were born under this sign.

Virgos skillfully adapt to the situation. They are usually polite and correct people. Virgo can use a person for their own purposes in order to achieve what they want. He will not show sympathy for the object of love until he is firmly convinced of reciprocity. And if there is a refusal, then he will wait, and suddenly something will change.

Characteristics of Libra and Scorpio. Comic description of the signs of the zodiac

Libra constantly arrives in search of peace of mind. They don't pay much attention to the material world. They believe that someone else should deal with everyday problems. Libra's affairs are more sublime than laundry and cleaning. Representatives of the sign are always thrown in different directions. Impermanence extends to the love sphere of life. For them, this state of affairs is habitual. After treason, conscience usually does not torment.

Scorpions are still those bastards. They are able to break hearts due to their natural charm. Scorpios are also purposeful. If a goal is chosen, then no matter how difficult it is to achieve, they will still achieve it, even if something needs to be destroyed.

Characteristics of Sagittarius and Capricorn. Funny description of signs

Now let's make a comic horoscope for Sagittarius. Note that representatives of the sign always achieve their goals. Sometimes this does not happen immediately, but in any case, everything will be. Note that perseverance and work help other signs to achieve the goal, and Sagittarius - a fair wind.

If you are wondering which is the funniest zodiac sign, then know that, of course, this one. Sagittarians are still those ringleaders. In addition, they are real benefactors. They help everyone in need. This quality is often used by employers. If Sagittarius does not object, then he will be loaded with a bunch of work.

No need to openly offend Sagittarius. It cannot be said that they are vindictive, just a little evil, and their memory is quite good. They don't forget anything, not even what happened in kindergarten. They can express the whole truth in person without any problems.

Compiling a cheerful horoscope for Capricorn, let's say that this is a pendulum man. He always balances between extremes. Children of this sign have a characteristic adult seriousness and thoroughness. These qualities do not leave Capricorn even in adulthood and even in old age.

Capricorn always throws himself into work with his head. He will spend all his strength to try to accomplish an impossible task in advance. Although Capricorn also walks well. He goes on a spree with his head, sometimes to the point of complete degradation. To save him, you need to captivate him with something more interesting.

Note that Capricorns are incorrigible pessimists. If they are convinced that everything around them is against them, then it will be extremely difficult, and in most cases impossible, to convince them otherwise.

Characteristics of Aquarius and Pisces. Funny description of zodiac signs

Now let's make a funny horoscope for Aquarius. The representative of the sign loves to talk. Words flow like water from a faucet. Not everyone can withstand such a flow. But who can do it is Pisces or Gemini. Although it is still possible to argue with the latter who will talk to whom in the end.

Aquarians are very well cared for, they can even compose poems and songs. Women of this sign follow the dictates of the heart. If it tells you that it is he who will be her betrothed, then an early meeting cannot be avoided.

Aquarians value personal space very much. They are ready to build high walls so that they are given time to be alone.

What are the characteristics of the Pisces zodiac sign? Representatives can create a fictional reality out of nothing. And not only for yourself, but also for those around you. They will easily convince anyone of anything they want. Ask the Fish to do some task for you, and she will break into a cake, but she will do it. Here is such an altruist, and nothing can be done here. Compiling a description of the zodiac sign Pisces, let's say that in love, representatives are cautious, shy. Never make the first move. They will dream about their beloved, cry, but be silent. Pisces needs to be pushed to some action in relationships, and not only in them.

Drunk horoscope, or How to drink with signs

Now alcoholic drinks are present on the table during many celebrations, and not only during the holidays. But how to drink with different signs? What should be feared? Let's start talking, of course, with Aries. It is advisable not to drink with representatives of this sign. Or plant Aquarius next to them, who, if anything, will take a friend with him. If this does not happen, then you can find yourself in a completely different country or do some strange act. At the same time, Aries himself will look at you accusingly. Aries are not particularly intoxicated by alcohol, so they think that everyone is like that.

Taurus, regardless of the degree of intoxication, consider themselves sober. And even if they crawl on four. Taurus prefer to enjoy life to the fullest, including drinking. But if such a representative drinks too much, then he turns into a not quite adequate person. It will destroy everything that is around.

Gemini is believed to be a dual sign. His duplicity is manifested in the fact that if he drinks, you can’t think of who will appear before you: a cheerful joker or a type that hates everyone. And in the morning he will no longer remember what happened.

Cancer is a rather secretive person. But if you get such a person drunk, you can learn a lot about him and yourself. On the morning after the celebration, Cancer will again be hidden.

If we talk about Leo, then a sober representative of the sign is no different from a drunk one. The only thing is that the decibel increases. A drunk Leo tells a lot more about his person than a sober one.

It is impossible to say exactly why Virgos drink. But they go through three stages of intoxication:

1. "I'm so drunk."
2. "I love everyone".
3. “Need aspirin” (this is already in the morning).

Libras are afraid to drink, but they love it. In a state of intoxication, they rest. In this state, they stop weighing everything.

Sagittarius is both a teetotaler, and an alcoholic, and a lucky man, and a loser. It is not clear how to drink with it. In addition, Sagittarius believes that he has a light hand, but in reality it is still so heavy. At the same time, it is almost impossible to overdrink it.

Scorpio first gets drunk himself to the limit, and then drinks everyone around him.

When Capricorn drinks, he opens up. In the literal sense, it becomes the soul of the company, the ringleader. He enjoys compliments and jokes, but in the morning he remembers everything.

Drunk Aquarius can move mountains. True, no one sees his deeds, just like the drunken Aquarius himself. He tries, after drinking a little, to retire.

When a Pisces gets drunk, she experiences a whole range of emotions, from the fact that no one loves her, ending with the fact that she is the most beautiful.

Favorite food of Aries and Taurus. What will representatives of the signs choose: exotic or familiar dishes?

What is the favorite food of the zodiac signs? Of course, each of the twelve has its own preferences. Some people like sweets, while others like spicy dishes.

Aries are food lovers. They especially like simple dishes. They are also not averse to trying national cuisines. For example, they love Italian dishes such as pasta, lasagna, risotto and others. Such dishes can be supplemented with a glass of red wine. Aries benefit from foods such as lamb, pineapple, mint, cumin, rosemary, watercress, and radish.

Taurus tastes traditional dishes familiar from childhood. Such dishes are held in high esteem: young potatoes with dill, homemade cottage cheese, bread and butter, and so on. Taurus do not like to try something new, they do it only out of curiosity. As a rule, exotic dishes do not remain in the usual diet of representatives of the sign.

Favorite food of Gemini and Cancer. What will they like?

Geminis love seafood and fish dishes. They also like pasta and dumplings. Prone to change in food choices.

Cancers like dishes that are familiar to them from childhood. It can be buns, borscht or stuffed fish (such as my aunt cooked). Cancer is loyal to habits, even in nutrition.

Leo and Virgo. What are their taste preferences? What will they like?

Lions love to eat a lot and tasty. They love meat dishes, such as steaks, chops. From vegetable salads and snacks are not delighted. Fish is also not very respected. Another lion's weakness is sweets.

Virgos choose simple food, familiar for a long time. They like tomato-based dishes. Virgos are indifferent to sweets and sweets.

Favorite food of Libra and Scorpio. Do they like sweets or savory foods?

Scales love confectionery, fresh pastries, ice cream. They love delicious food. They can eat both a delicate salad and a meat dish. Representatives of the sign of food from mushrooms like it.

Scorpios will love seasoned, savory food, as well as traditional dishes such as Olivier salad, borscht and others. High-quality alcohol and expensive chocolate are also held in high esteem by the representatives of the sign.

Sagittarius and Capricorn's Favorite Foods

Capricorns are loyal to the dishes they once loved. Although they are not averse to trying something new.

Sagittarians love ketchup and mustard. They like to try new dishes from different cuisines. Many Sagittarians are indifferent to sweets.

Favorite food of Aquarius and Pisces. What do these signs prefer: delicacies or sweets?

Aquarians are interested in dishes that they have never tried before. The representative of the sign can enjoy rare delicacies for a long time. Aquarians love to sit and chat at a table full of food.

Fish are not particularly picky and picky eaters. They can even eat not very refined dishes. Pisces will never be able to refuse sweets, they like to try new and new desserts. They love ice cream, cake, sweets. And sometimes they consume sweets in unlimited quantities, completely forgetting about common sense.

Predictions for the Year of the Dog. What awaits each sign?

Now we will make a funny horoscope for the Year of the Dog for all signs.

A small conclusion

Now you know what they are, zodiac signs. In our article, their comic characteristics and horoscopes are compiled. Here you will find both funny character traits and preferences of representatives of different zodiac signs, knowing which, you can improve your relationship with them. We hope that this information was interesting and useful to you.

There are thousands of horoscopes that help determine the character of a person, his attitude to certain areas of life and feelings. At the same time, there is also a place for humor in horoscopes! Here is a funny horoscope, written with humor and flavored with bright illustrations. Have fun and learn something new and positive about each sign! And cheerful grandmothers will bring their "madness" to the description!

Aries

Colors are pale yellow and green. The stone is a diamond. Metal is gold.
Main features: born to win, very active and sociable, ambition, self-confidence, fearlessness, first they do, then they think, impulsiveness, feelings overshadow the mind, passion, willfulness, do not tolerate the slightest objection, adventurism, everything is too much in them, over the edge.

Taurus

Color - yellow-green. The stone is turquoise and sapphire. The metal is copper.
Main features: practical, realist, pragmatist, pessimist, love and respect wealth, but stingy, thrifty, great craving for entertainment and sensual pleasures, family people, owners, good parents, hardworking, stubborn, strong spirit of contradiction, they have no inferiority complex , deep down they consider themselves the navel of the earth.

Twins

Colors - purple, gray, bright yellow. Stone - chrysoprase, garnet, agate. The metal is gold and silver.
Main features: they love to collect gossip information, everyone knows about everything and is everywhere, elusive, witty, lively, sociable, eloquent, you will not get bored with them, they are eager to please everyone, resourceful, adapt easily, neurasthenics with ideas, they are like a nervous bundle, duality .

Cancer

Colors are white and blue. Stone - ruby, emerald, moonstone. Metal is silver.
Main features: romantic, warm-hearted, love children, animals, a strong sense of duty, notorious, suspicious, prone to self-sacrifice, a heroine or hysterical, sentimental and conservative, homebodies, owners, very jealous, sensual, very vulnerable and very touchy, rich imagination and good intuition.

a lion

Colors - purple, scarlet, black, gold, orange. Stone - topaz, chrysolite, ruby, onyx, diamond. Metal is gold.
Main features: courage and generosity, imperiousness and arrogance, like to lead, assertive, vain and self-centered, prestige is everything for them, born leaders, nobility and sincerity, straightforwardness, bright and energetic, have bright charisma, adore flattery, like to be in the spotlight …

Virgo

Colors - white, blue, purple, green. Stone - carnelian, yellow sapphire, agate, jasper, malachite, topaz, marble. The metal is tin.
Main features: restraint, pedantry, analytical mind, criticism, attention to detail, rationalism, practicality, diligence and diligence, exactingness, prudence and common sense.

scales

Colors - dark blue, green, aquamarine, pastel colors. Stone - opal, coral, diamond, sapphire, beryl, crystal, chrysolite, moonstone, green jasper, zircon. Metal is bronze.
Main features: indecisive, peaceful, compliant, avoid conflicts, diplomatic, obsequious, do not like loneliness, idealists and romantics, charm, love of art, frivolity, impatient.

Scorpion

Colors - garnet, dark red, raspberry, yellow. Stone - aquamarine, carbuncle, beryl, moonstone, topaz, malachite. Metal - iron, steel.
Main features: secrecy, tendency to go to extremes: all or nothing, passion, self-destruction, craving for mysticism, taboo destroyer, possessiveness, magnetism-attractiveness, perseverance, self-confidence.

Sagittarius

Colors - blue, blue, purple, crimson. Stone - topaz, amethyst, chrysolite, turquoise, opal, sapphire, agate, emerald. The metal is zinc.
Main features: straightforwardness, openness, justice, aggressive optimists, spirit of searching, lack of sense of proportion, irascibility, tendency to go to extremes, impulsiveness, always on the move, expansiveness.

Capricorn

Colors - dark green, black, blue, ash gray, pale yellow, all dark tones. Stone - ruby, onyx, garnet, moonstone, lapis lazuli. The metal is lead.
Main features: ambition, pragmatism, caution, ambition, purposefulness, restraint, secrecy, independence, criticality, material well-being and status, careerists, discipline, prudence, responsibility, conservatism are very important for them.

Aquarius

Colors - blue, white. Stone - garnet, zircon, lapis lazuli, opal, amethyst. The metal is silver and platinum.
Main features: independence, originality, altruists, idealists, ideological fighters, sociability, love of freedom, extravagance, like to shock the public, broad outlook, intellectuality, hate routine.

Fishes

Colors - sea green, blue, purple, aquamarine, steel. The stone is coral and pearl. Metal is silver.
Key Traits: dreamy, imaginative, charming, romantic, idealistic, creative, artistic, go with the flow, weak-willed, indecisive, passive, introspective and reflective, fatalists, good intuition and hypersensitivity.