Midlife crisis in pathology. Middle age crisis
A midlife crisis is a fairly long-term emotional state that arose against the background of dissatisfaction and revaluation of life. It most often occurs in men and women from 30 to 50 years of age. The main signs of this condition are worries about lost opportunities and thoughts about impending old age and death.
Doctors associate the appearance of such a depressive state with the accumulation of life experience, new outlooks on life and an understanding of how many opportunities were missed and that youth cannot be returned. Approximately the same emotional state is inherent in adolescents during puberty.
The symptoms of this disorder will be different for both sexes. The duration of this period also varies from person to person; for some it lasts from several months to several years, while for others it can last for decades. It all depends on what place a person occupies in society, whether he has children, what his salary level is, etc. Often, a midlife crisis for women and men is a turning point, since after this a person’s habits and tastes change not only , but also outlook on life. It is for this reason that people often get divorced, change places of work and residence, and begin to become interested in and communicate with people they would never have approached before.
A midlife crisis is an absolutely normal phenomenon for every person, since the goals and plans set in adolescence have been achieved, which means that the time has come to change your life and achieve new goals. The main method of treating a midlife crisis in men and women is to visit a psychologist and follow the recommendations prescribed by him.
Etiology
A midlife crisis overwhelms people over 30 years old - precisely when a person moves to a new stage of life. It is believed that this condition is similar to a crisis in adolescents. The person again tries to prove to the people around him, but first of all to his husband or wife, that he is an individual person who has achieved a lot in the first half of his life. Basically, this state in the life of every adult is determined not only by internal experiences, but also by external ones. Thus, the causes of the midlife crisis are:
- low professionalism, when a person feels that he has achieved practically nothing in his work, while all other colleagues have achieved much more;
- age group. Since this condition is typical for people over 30 years of age, there comes an understanding that over the years a person does not get younger, and the health of a particular individual is not the same as in his youth;
- social factor - society demands responsibility from the actions of a particular person, responsibilities appear to society and one’s own family;
- loss of a close relative or lover. Sometimes a person is unable to cope with such grief, and this leads to the fact that problems at work or from distant childhood emerge, and in total lead to a protracted and manifestation of a midlife crisis;
- concentration on negative thoughts when old age and death are inevitable;
- external changes are considered the main cause of a midlife crisis in women;
- absence of children - this factor leads to emotional distress not only in women over 30 years old, but also in men. For some, the problem is the predominance of career growth over the appearance of children, while for others, on the contrary, the obsession with having them. There is only one way out - to have a child, then the meaning of life will appear for both women and men;
- self-critical attitude towards oneself;
- lack of confidence in yourself, your knowledge and skills;
- unfulfillment in life. This factor lies in the fact that most female representatives devote themselves to family and children, and then, by the age of forty, they find themselves of no use to anyone. Men are less likely to experience this problem, since they rarely agree to stay at home and raise children;
- hormonal disbalance. Often, a crisis occurs when female representatives enter a period (the most typical reason for the expression of a midlife crisis in women).
Additional factors that may contribute to a midlife crisis starting before age 30:
- problematic childhood - the absence of one of the parents or insufficient expression of love on their part;
- various disorders of organs and systems that can worsen and become chronic;
- weak character.
Symptoms
The signs of a male and female crisis are in many ways similar, but still have their own characteristics. Symptoms of a midlife crisis in men over 30:
- a state of constant depression or;
- self-pity;
- addiction to alcohol, or, conversely, giving up all bad habits;
- passive state. It is quite difficult to force a man to do anything - all attempts to stir him up end in scandals;
- constant irritability and dissatisfaction with the other half;
- the appearance of young lovers. And representatives of the stronger sex do not always do this secretly from their spouse;
- conflict situations with parents, relatives or friends;
- nostalgic memories of youth, when your whole life was ahead of you and there was a lot of time left to achieve your goals;
- close attention to your appearance. Often men change their clothing style during such a period;
- lack of sexual attraction to your wife or regular partner.
Characteristic symptoms of a midlife crisis in women:
- diffidence;
- changing lifestyle, from healthy to harmful, and vice versa;
- lack of plans for future life. Representatives of the fairer sex attribute this to the fact that their appearance changes, bringing them closer to aging;
- dissatisfaction with the years lived, especially in cases where a woman was forced to raise children rather than engage in her own development;
- spending free time doing routine tasks or watching TV;
- overestimation of family relationships with relatives and friends, most often for the worse;
- depressed and depressed state.
Signs that a midlife crisis is beginning are observed much more often in women than in men. Thus, a representative of the weaker sex can be susceptible to this condition from 30 to 50 years, and for the stronger half of humanity - from 35 to 55 years. But the timing of symptoms of a midlife crisis and its duration are individual for each person.
Treatment
Crisis therapy for people over 30 years of age is carried out by family psychologists, because families often collapse against the background of such a state. The number of sessions with a specialist is set individually for each couple, depending on age and the degree of manifestation of signs of emotional disorder. In addition, there are several recommendations for wives and husbands in order to survive the crisis of their spouse with the least losses. Thus, home treatment for a midlife crisis in men, which should be performed by a woman, includes the following activities:
- limitation, and, if possible, complete avoidance of conflict situations with the spouse, even in those moments when he is wrong. It is best to treat him like a small child - this will protect the family from betrayal;
- constantly praise and inspire him to do the things he does best;
- constant support for her husband, no matter what absurd ideas he may be interested in;
- reducing words of flattery addressed to the spouse;
- do your best to attract him, and not push him away from sexual relations.
- A husband should always remind his wife that she is the most beautiful woman in the world. Thus, she will learn to love herself and her reflection in the mirror, and will also stop being afraid of age-related problems;
- get closer to your children, try to become a friend to them;
- monitor your appearance, you can change your image, then not only will there be an incentive to be in society, but also an opportunity to attract the attention of your spouse;
- find a hobby you like, and it’s best if a new hobby unites both spouses.
In addition, you need to learn to express all your negative and positive thoughts about yourself and your loved one. So, a combination of self-treatment and psychotherapy will help save the family and reduce the duration of the midlife crisis.
Is everything in the article correct from a medical point of view?
Answer only if you have proven medical knowledge
Everything is good, but something is always missing. Or, on the contrary, everything is bad, and you urgently need to change your place of residence, job, and maybe even your spouse. What's happening? Check yourself, perhaps you are in that notorious midlife crisis that everyone talks about, but no one really knows anything about? Psychologist Ekaterina Burmistrova, philosopher Mikhail Burmistrov and mathematics teacher and philologist Dmitry Shnol discuss one of the most “famous” age-related crises.
A psychologist's view: a midlife crisis is a feeling of a ceiling
Ekaterina Burmistrova. Age-related changes in adults are a very interesting topic, but despite the often used phrase “midlife crisis,” this topic is not popularized. People often confuse a midlife crisis with relationship problems. For example, a person thinks that something is wrong with his partner, but in fact he himself feels bad, it’s bad not on the outside, but on the inside. And often not because something has broken inside - the personality is simply growing. But we usually don’t even think about it.
After the well-known crisis of three years, the subsequent ones are no longer so clearly localized by age. Even in adolescence, we see a wide variation in time, and a midlife crisis can generally occur from 30 to 70 years. It depends on what kind of start there was, how dynamically a person lives his life. And unlike the two mentioned, a midlife crisis may not occur at all: a person may either not grow up to it, or go through it as gently as if it never happened.
Crisis is one of the basic principles of mental development. We live not exactly, not in a straight line, but in zigzags: first an upward process, then some kind of shaking, then a transition to a new level and smooth movement until the next jerk. I am always impressed by the psychology of child development: everything is very dynamic, with clear periodization, all this is well described, because today there is a great interest in childhood. There is also an interest in the life of an adult, but of a different kind; from a developmental perspective, few people think and write about it.
At its core, a midlife crisis has absolutely the same structure as a teenage crisis: something happens to a person inside, internal structures and value systems change, and this happens without an external trigger. There may be provoking moments, but they may not exist - it’s just that the structure of mental life that a person has formed begins to become unsuitable.
During a midlife crisis, in particular, the value system undergoes changes, and after this everything else changes - relationships with oneself, with loved ones, attitude towards society, towards one’s tasks. The last well-described age crisis occurs at the age of 18-21: a person either sets himself goals and development strategies, or imitates them, or somehow picks up a set of such tasks. Then he more or less successfully implements them in different areas of life - in studies, in professional activities, in relationships, in love, in building a family. For decades he has been implementing what he came up with. All this may not happen in one stage - at the age of 20-22 there are also crises: the crisis of youth, the crisis of the transition from youth to youth, when a reboot occurs again - but by the age of thirty a person reaches a position where he already understands what he achieved and what he didn’t. And the first stage of a midlife crisis is associated with a feeling of a ceiling.
A philosopher's view: a midlife crisis is a meeting with death
Mikhail Burmistrov. A midlife crisis is not some illness like tooth decay or a cold that can be diagnosed and cured. And so there is a problem in describing this crisis. Something happens to a person, and then we call it somehow, describe it, but the descriptions can be very different. Now they call it a midlife crisis, but if we look at the texts of previous eras, we will not find such a concept. Therefore, this is a kind of cultural and historical convention. After a quick analysis, I first discovered something similar in Dante, when his hero, “halfway through his earthly life,” found himself in a dark forest. Or when you read what happened to Pushkin several years before the last duel, you come to the conclusion that his mental state can in many ways be described as that very crisis. And the fact that he ultimately ends up on the Black River fits perfectly into the algorithm of illogical actions that a man at this age takes.
Don't think that a midlife crisis is some kind of constant reality. Its description very much depends on what society, what culture we live in. Traditional culture is aimed at reproducing what was before, and it is simply not interested in the crisis of growth. Modern society, aimed at personal development, assumes the presence of such a crisis.
The periodization of what happens to an adult can be anything. For example, for psychoanalyst Erik Erikson, this stage of life floats from 30 to 60 years, and if we try to clearly build a system, year by year, it will be difficult. It is easier to introduce a distinction between adulthood and maturity. The young man undergoes separation, separates from the parental family, arranges his life in areas related to work, relationships, and place of residence. He is already an adult, lives independently, but this is still early adulthood, it is aimed at polarization and is strongly oriented towards external connections. And the transition to a midlife crisis is a transition to human maturity. It may not come, because at this moment - and this is a fairly typical thing - people can “jump off”: find a new spouse, move to a new country, and, in fact, this will be an escape from the crisis. A person will simply continue to implement his same programs in new territories. He has trampled some fields, reached the ceiling there, he already feels bad there, and he goes out into a new field. Women often in these situations begin to make every effort to look twenty years younger, and this is also an escape from the crisis. And if you try to honestly enter this space, then at the end you can become a different adult, become a mature person.
This is an internal process, it is not necessarily associated with changes outside. This is a passage through the desert, through a meeting with death, through loneliness. This is an acceptance of one’s finitude, a deep, basic awareness of it, which is not at all associated with youthful games with death - and hence a change in attitude towards life. Having accepted death, a person can value life, time, relationships differently.
A person first encounters death with his mind - he seems to understand that everyone is mortal, then, perhaps, he experiences the loss of his neighbor, but the body itself does not feel this, does not realize it. And then suddenly he comes face to face with death. This does not even necessarily happen during a serious illness or during the loss of someone close - just at some point a “bell” rings and our body begins to understand that we are going to die. We don’t just discover signs of fading - gray hair, wrinkles - but we understand that we are mortal. And we are horrified.
A person who treats his inner life without attention, takes it for something completely different, thinks that he needs to urgently correct this, change something in appearance, in relationships, in work. But on the contrary, you should not do it, but stop and think. Don’t run away from this feeling headlong, but dive inside, feel what’s happening inside you. By accepting one's own finitude and limitations, a person gains freedom. This is not freedom to run around the world and find new partners, but freedom of a completely different kind. In short, this is a different vision of life and death. But the path to it is difficult and requires great internal changes.
A teacher's view: midlife crisis - a time to pay attention to yourself
Dmitry Shnol. We must not forget about physiology, it is important. Gray hair in the beard, demon in the rib; Baba Berry again - it’s not for nothing that these sayings arose, this is a description of some kind of hormonal change. But the main aspect, it seems to me, is related to the sense of time. It seems to a person: in three years from 16 to 19, so much has happened to me, which means that from 19 to 79 there will be a huge, very rich life. And then it turns out that the further you go, the more the years shrink, and you don’t live a life filled with emotional and external events in the same proportion as before.
For a while, at the age of 20, it still seems - I haven’t started yet, but I’ll start soon, I’m not Julius Caesar, but I still have time ahead... And at some point, when, according to Dante, the middle comes, you understand : Another 20 years have passed, further strength will be less, and, probably, what you have now achieved is approximately your ceiling. Maybe you'll add something else, but...
And when you measure yourself by external achievements: money, career, professional development, or internal ones: family, children - after going through “high school”, you give yourself grades, like in a diary. But after looking at this diary, you come to the conclusion that it is a rather bleak sight, and the best half of life seems to have passed. It seems that spending time so intensely, as in my youth, was correct, it gave me so many impressions, but now I won’t have that, and that means now everything is bad...
But in reality, we need to throw away this diary, we need to stop living as before, stop evaluating ourselves in this way.
I think if people lived a more measured life, they would have time to receive these signals, could modify their lives earlier and not run again along the same path leading to a dead end. But while you are running along it, you are not able to understand this. You need to be in the hospital or on the verge of divorce - then you realize that something completely wrong is happening, and awareness sets in. I believe that this is due to inattention to one’s own life.
If the crisis has begun
I had an interview with Alexey Kortnev, who gave an interesting description of the midlife crisis. He said that until this moment a man is a hunter, he needs all the women to be his, so that all the money is earned by him. And when a crisis comes, he is the owner of his farm, he must lock himself up and protect all the goods acquired over the previous years.
Ekaterina Burmistrova. What Alexey is talking about is the first stage, the crisis of thirty. You are the owner of your home, you have established everything there, built everything in your inner world. And then - bang, and the next stage comes when the quality of the relationship and its meaning becomes important. Previously, this meaning could be lost in matters of, relatively speaking, building and running a house. And all this should be - both the household and the family - but it must be meaningful, correct, giving joy, must correspond to some basic internal structures, which are different for everyone. And then people start going to churches, doing charity work - I think there are many people in foundations and volunteer organizations who came there at this point.
What does this crisis look like for women? There is a difference?
Ekaterina Burmistrova. Eat. For women, the midlife crisis is greatly influenced by either motherhood or its absence. Women who give birth at some point stop living their personal lives altogether. Even if she does not have a neurotic descent into motherhood with breastfeeding before school, co-sleeping and attachment theory in its most radical version, even if she takes the child to kindergarten or classes, leaves him with a nanny or grandmother, the focus of attention still shifts from self to children. And this is a total phenomenon, because in big cities education and upbringing require complete inclusion. In general, a woman has children, children, children, and then at some point they grow up, and a mother whose career is often interrupted due to motherhood - she either put it on pause, or did not implement anything at all, or abandoned it work - remains, as it were, out of work.
In addition, women, unlike men, live very much in the body; with age, they begin to feel that the body is becoming different, but often it is the body that is a woman’s main capital. And when it becomes clear that the body is not getting younger, when gray hair and wrinkles appear, fear comes and the desire to find new support.
Therefore, a woman often enters a midlife crisis with the feeling that she has nothing at all - everything she invested in has flown away, her beauty is gone, there is no career, her children have grown up.
They already say: “Mom, close the door,” or: “Mom, you don’t understand anything,” or generally: “What have you wasted your life on.” In essence, a woman finds herself in the desert, and she needs to build something new, but there is no capital: there is no beauty to please someone outwardly, there is no strength to learn something (memory is different, I used to take and learn a foreign language , and now you teach and teach, but the child still overtakes you), and the profession has moved so far that it is no longer possible to catch up with it. If family relationships are unreliable or there are some personal problems of their own, then the woman may stop believing in herself. She has lost all her reference points except family ones, and family ones no longer support her. This is a tragic option, but it happens quite often.
What can I do to feel toned again?
Pay attention to yourself and understand that it is not only the body that needs care, but also the soul. It takes time to come to your senses; it is not a moment, but a process. If a crisis has begun, there is no need to think that it will just turn off. There is a certain number of months ahead when it will be really bad and it will seem like there is no support. It is very useful to look for people who have gone through a crisis, because those who have already walked these paths can tell a lot. A guide is really needed in the desert...
Do we need people who honestly walked through this desert and entered it, or those who tried to escape, changing their status: divorced, moved to America, went to a monastery?
And those and others. Yes, there are people who have upgraded their lives and changed everything - this is the teenage version of seventy years old, they run around in shorts and are happy in their fourth marriage (there are fewer of them in Russia than in the West, but you can find them). But other options are also possible. If a person has not gone through this melting pot, he will not understand what is happening to you and will say: go have a drink, quit, get busy, get distracted. But someone who understands what we are talking about, who has lived through similar situations, will give very practical, laconic, targeted recommendations. Or just share your experience. I had a friend, a respectable mother of many children, who said: “I learned to roller skate. The only thing that saved me was in the evening, when I could leave everything, I went out and roller skated at maximum speed.” There is even a men's saying that you buy a motorcycle twice: at 18 and at 35.
What to do in a situation when nothing that was planned worked out, and what happened does not bring satisfaction?
If nothing works, the question is whose program it was. Sometimes only in a midlife crisis does a person free himself from his parental, family or ambitious program, according to which he had to defeat someone. And it turns out that from the age of 17 he was driving along a road that was not really his.
That is, you need to determine whether these goals were set by you?
Yes, and you couldn’t understand what it means? It didn’t work out at all, it worked out 60%, or everything worked out, but it doesn’t count?
Let’s say these were your goals, quite simple ones - a happy family, a certain career level, and then you turned around and saw: your family is almost falling apart, your work is full, and there’s not much money either. What to do?
One of the results of living through a midlife crisis is the understanding that you can no longer influence it and that it no longer brings you suffering. You accepted it. You suffered that something happened in your life accidentally and unfairly, but after the crisis you realized that it was yours. And why it turned out so crooked, you also understood and accepted.
And one more important result, understand: if at the age of 20 you decided to become one of the Forbes top five, get three scientific degrees and have neat, cute children who play the piano and get excellent grades, these are unrealistic goals. These goals did not take into account the force of friction. Welcome to reality.
And when you went through this crisis, realized that this is exactly your reality, then it becomes absolutely clear to you why it turned out this way.
Under what conditions does a midlife crisis not occur? You said that this happens.
There are people with delayed development. Perhaps it will come by the age of sixty. Perhaps the person has overloaded himself so much that he simply does not have the strength to survive the crisis, he does not have the strength to grow up.
If everything is fine with a person: a wonderful family, a wonderful job, and a crisis does not occur simply because everything is fine. Could this be so?
When everything is good, this is the most interesting thing, because this is where a person stops being satisfied with everything. And when you have a glossy picture: the house is standing, the lawn is green, and the children are learning English, you understand that your goals have been exhausted. This value system has outlived its usefulness. Like an old telephone: it didn’t break, you didn’t beat it, you used it according to the instructions, but its service life had simply expired.
Why does this story happen to a person?
Because these were not values that could be relevant throughout life. These were targets with limited use, like winter boots and summer sandals. You won't walk in summer sandals in winter snow, will you?
So we need to set new goals?
In fact, yes. And very often people pass away when there is no way to set these goals: one thing is over, and the other does not come to replace it. This is where a serious problem arises: a person has no faith, no aspirations, and everything that was planned has already been realized. It has already been worked out and is no longer needed at all. It’s similar to how you have a car - good, serviceable, comfortable - but you don’t want to drive it.
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about the author
She is such a journalist that she was even born on Russian Press Day. I write about education, social issues, and author of books for children and parents. Search group senior, prevention instructor, media group specialist of the Lisa Alert search and rescue team.
A midlife crisis is a turning point in life. The time when we reap the first fruits of our achievements and look for new ways of development. In order not to fall into depression, you need to recognize the enemy by sight and learn to fight him.
At the origins
Discussions about the midlife crisis can be found in the monographs of the Swiss psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung and the Russian psychologist Lev Vygotsky. Both noted that at a certain stage in life, it is common for a person to think about reassessing values. In the middle of the last century, the leading American sociopsychologist Daniel Levinson defined the midlife crisis as “a state of deep physiological and psychological stress.” But the official terminological status of “midlife crisis” received only thanks to the Canadian psychologist Jacques Elliot, who first used it in 1965.
Three stages
The course of the midlife crisis is described in different ways, but most experts agree with the stages proposed by the American and Swiss analyst Murray Stein. Conventionally, they can be called “death”, “reinterpretation” and “rebirth”. At the first stage, a person has a feeling of irretrievable loss, which may be associated, for example, with the loss of parents. In the second, uncertainty arises, which is accompanied by numerous questions about the effectiveness of the years lived and attempts to understand one’s place in life. On the third, a new meaning is acquired. Psychologists do not undertake to define the boundaries of the stages, warning: if a person experiences a crisis ineffectively, the stages-states may return. It is recommended to pay special attention to the second stage: the search for answers and the formation of a new consciousness take time.
No gender
Both Jung, Vygotsky, and Levinson believed that the midlife crisis is a predominantly male problem. But modern science is erasing gender stereotypes. The midlife crisis is no longer the exclusive domain of men. A researcher of the characteristics of transitional moments in a person’s life, Doctor of Science Dan Jones believes that the crisis occurs differently in men and women. While men primarily assess their level of success through professional achievements, women rely on personal relationships and their own worth as a wife and mother. True, women who devote themselves to their families often cannot avoid a crisis. The loss of former attractiveness is another reason for the emergence of a midlife crisis, and not only among women.
When to expect?
If Jung and Vygotsky gave very vague age boundaries for the crisis (from 35 to 60 years), then Levinson, who actively studied various age-related crises, limited the time frame. He believed that the crisis occurs “at the stage of transition to middle adulthood,” which occurs at the age of 40-45. In the modern world, both men and women between the ages of 25 and 50 go through the “midlife crisis,” while in Russia, where life expectancy is lower than in Europe, most of the population goes through a midlife crisis at 30–40 years old .
Myth or reality?
Most modern psychologists believe that all people, without exception, are experiencing a midlife crisis. It’s just that temperamental and reflective people go through this period more painfully, while others don’t notice it at all. Modern science generally prefers not to use the term “crisis”, calling it a “transition period”, since this period can be accompanied by both serious depression and significant personal growth. American psychologist Joan Sherman, for example, is confident that the path a person chooses after a crisis depends on numerous factors, including the support of loved ones.
New opportunity
Scientists from Tel Aviv University, led by Carlo Strenger, are convinced that middle age is the moment when a “second wind” should open. This time is perfect for self-development, setting new goals and actually achieving them. Israeli scientists refute the idea that the brain capabilities of a 40-year-old person begin to deteriorate. It is at this age that life can be full of rich events and activities for which there was simply no time before. To overcome the crisis, according to Professor Strenger, will help to realize the opportunity to improve your life, build personal plans, know yourself and search for strengths, which, however, may not meet the expectations of others. Finally, the one who is not afraid of difficulties and is guided when choosing a new path by his own experience and knowledge, and not by blind ambitions, can defeat the crisis. James Hollis, in his book Midway Pass, talks about the unique opportunity that a person receives. It allows you to make the second part of your life more exciting and interesting.
Know the enemy by sight!
Loss of appetite, drowsiness, feelings of hopelessness and pessimism, irritability and anxiety, feelings of guilt, loss of interest in what is happening - these are the symptoms that may indicate the onset of a midlife crisis. Thoughts about the illusory nature of the life lived, about unfulfilled plans, an unfound calling, that most of life has remained in the past lead to despondency, emptiness, self-pity and other negative emotional experiences. Modern domestic and foreign psychologists give different descriptions of ways out of the crisis, while most are confident that it is possible to prepare for a crisis in advance. Healthy eating, proper active rest, a new hobby - all this can help you withstand the “blow” with dignity. Considering that the age limits for the onset of a crisis are extremely blurred, preparations should begin in adolescence.
Reading time: 2 min
A midlife crisis is a long-term emotional condition that occurs in middle age and is marked by depressive symptoms due to an overestimation of life experiences. The crisis affects ages from 35 to 55 years and includes regrets about irretrievably lost opportunities, dreams, as well as experiences associated with the onset of one’s own old age.
Symptoms of a midlife crisis
The external manifestations of a midlife crisis are different and are marked by the following symptoms and signs:
The individual’s refusal to achieve what he has achieved in life, despite the positive opinion of others about the person’s achievements;
Devastation, depression and self-pity;
Feeling that life is unfair, trapped in marriage or career;
Depression and loss of interest in many previously significant aspects of life;
Change of circle of significant people and values;
Changing values;
Manifestation of eccentricity;
Feeling of life's meaninglessness.
All these signs can throw even a successful person out of balance, breaking up a strong family, career and usual way of life.
Causes of midlife crisis
American psychologist K. Pack identified the main problems affecting the development of a midlife crisis:
The need to reorient vital forces from physical activity to mental activity. This is associated with significant changes in the physiological characteristics of the body;
The importance of recognizing social priorities over intimate ones. This is due to biological changes in men;
The need for the formation of emotional flexibility in connection with emotional impoverishment, which is caused by the loss of friends, loved ones, and the destruction of the usual way of life;
The need to develop mental flexibility, overcoming mental straightforwardness;
Differentiation of social interests that concentrate around work and family. Problems in these areas often bring people to the brink of disaster;
The need to redirect your attention from personal growing ailments to other social guidelines;
Concentration on the problem of the inevitability of death and approaching old age.
The combination of these problems leads to the development of a crisis. The problem of middle age is most pronounced in the context of interpersonal relationships: friends and family.
Middle-aged people play a connecting role between the older generation of parents and the younger generation of children. They carry the burden of social responsibilities on their shoulders. This responsibility also brings with it social conflicts. People regret that they did not achieve certain goals, that they did not complete some things, and that many things they had planned remained in their dreams. However, middle-aged people understand that they must live with problems and everyday worries; they cannot live in the past like their parents or live in dreams like their children. They are entrusted with the role of guardians of the family: preserving history, celebrating achievements and holidays, observing traditions, maintaining contact with absent family members.
The first prerequisites for a midlife crisis are children growing up and leaving for a separate independent life. Psychologists are unanimous that children leaving the family nest is a serious stressful situation. Although, on the one hand, there is also a positive aspect - the emergence of free time that you can spend on yourself. However, the problem lies in the fact that by this time parents no longer have significant interests, and the development of new ones leads to psychological problems that middle-aged people are wary of in advance.
The second prerequisite for the crisis is associated with relationships with aging parents. Often by this time they experience deep psychological transformations and the situation worsens significantly if the parents are intellectually degraded and too weak. Very often, the time and attention freed from children is transferred to parents, in some cases exacerbating dissatisfaction with how unsuccessfully life turned out in the middle of life. The problems of the crisis are also aggravated by the fact that former friendly relations are losing their sharpness.
Midlife crisis in men
By the age of forty, an accomplished man can, seemingly for no apparent reason, quit a well-paid job, fall into depression, have a young mistress, or leave his family, while withdrawing into himself. Often, neither the man himself nor his immediate circle is able to understand or explain such behavior.
When does a midlife crisis occur? Often, by the age of 40, a man awakens to a feeling of dissatisfaction with life, as well as with his social role in a group or society. This happens due to a number of failures, dashed hopes in the implementation of life plans, as well as irretrievably lost opportunities. The crisis period is characterized by a global reassessment of values, manifestations of self-pity, superficial conversations about nothing, or blaming loved ones for one’s failures. Often, a midlife crisis in men occurs at the age of 40-45, when a significant part of their life has already been lived. However, psychologists have now noticed that the age of the crisis period in men has become younger to 35 years. A crisis does not choose its victim. Both a successful man and a lonely person without a stable income fall into this trap. The beginning of this is evidenced by philosophical conversations from the lips of men about middle age, as well as about lost opportunities. Men experience a revision of life priorities and values, and a desire for new social and personal goals is formed.
It is possible to avoid a midlife crisis through socialization (the individual’s growing into the world of people), as well as by planning for upcoming critical situations in life. The most obvious frightening changes that are associated with the onset of a crisis in a man are psychophysiological changes, which are quite difficult to avoid. For many middle-aged men, the moment of truth comes when, looking in the mirror, they discover an enlarged belly, new wrinkles, gray hair and bald patches at the temples, causing only a feeling of despondency and annoyance.
Starting from the age of 40, there is a decrease in physical capabilities, affecting motor and sensory functions, as well as the activity of all systems and internal organs. Gradually, over the years, a man’s hearing and visual acuity decrease, which creates a certain discomfort in communicating with others. Pain, taste, and olfactory sensitivity decreases, but these changes do not appear as noticeable as a decrease in hearing or vision. The skeleton gradually loses its former flexibility, muscles and skin begin to lose elasticity. In men who are prone to obesity, there is a tendency to accumulate subcutaneous fat. All physical changes occur in parallel with mental transformations, which are marked by long periods of loss of interest in life (). Increasingly, men experience nervousness, increased feelings of insecurity, depression and fatigue. There are conflicts at work and in the family. Often the issue of mutual understanding between generations becomes acute, since by this period children themselves are already moving into independent adulthood and do not want to take into account the opinion of their father.
The fight against chronic diseases is becoming more urgent and this is becoming the main occupation of middle-aged men. Most men realize that they need to change bad habits for healthy ones, but such a replacement often involves overcoming psychological barriers that not everyone can overcome.
Sometimes, in parallel with bad habits, new useful ones are formed, for example, an active lifestyle, daily walks, and gymnastics. Particularly important for middle age is the limitation of mental and emotional stress. The thirst for a career and social self-affirmation at this age are not stimulating, but, on the contrary, destructive desires for a person.
A crisis in men is a rebellion against imposed rules. Men during this period are actively searching for an answer to the question “How to find yourself in life?” And here teenage complexes rise to the surface, including all the “I want” instead of the “need”. Their behavior during a midlife crisis will depend on the depth and nature of adolescents’ complexes.
The midlife crisis in men does not have clear boundaries. It can last either one year or drag on for decades. The support of family and loved ones, a man’s temperament and character, social role, well-being, status at work - all this has an impact on the duration of the crisis and its depth.
A man's midlife crisis directly depends on what and how many unresolved teenage complexes he has retained since adolescence. Psychologists have established a direct connection between the midlife crisis and adolescence. At the age of 11–12, a boy seriously thinks about himself, about his social roles and interpersonal relationships, and, going through social roles, he looks for the most “comfortable” one for himself. Forming an attitude towards oneself and searching for oneself does not go smoothly and always leads to numerous teenage complexes. This happens when the desired social role does not coincide with the actual position in the group and the teenager turns into aggressive and alienated. The baggage of teenage complexes follows a man throughout his life and makes itself felt in middle age. For example, at the age of 15, an indecisive boy develops an increased interest in intimate life, but only in adulthood does he begin to look for new lovers. Thus, it becomes clear why middle-aged men often embark on love affairs, have young mistresses or leave the family, making up for their lack of experience.
In adolescence, it is very important to give a child the right to make mistakes, take responsibility, allow him to find a way out of a difficult situation and draw the right conclusions. If parents provide such an opportunity to a teenager, then in the future he will be able to safely avoid a midlife crisis. If the teenager does not free himself in time from control, as well as parental influence, their imposed way of life and rules, then by the age of 40 the man suddenly realizes that he lived his life according to someone else’s rules, and all social roles were imposed on him.
What will happen in this case? One middle-aged man will quit his stable job, stop communicating with his parents, buy an expensive car, in a word, boycott other people’s rules, embarking on various adventures. Another man, if, for example, the parents wanted their child to be a doctor, and the son dreamed of a career as a photographer, then realizing that there was no more time for mistakes, the man would suddenly quit his previous job and enthusiastically take up photography. Those around him will classify this behavior as eccentricity, and the man will finally breathe a sigh of relief. A timid man during a midlife crisis will begin to act actively: he will work more, look for new hobbies. An active man in the prime of his life, on the contrary, is capable of withdrawing into himself and turning into a homebody, and can also become an opponent of noisy companies. Everyone in their own way tries to find the answer to an exciting question about themselves in life.
A middle-aged man overestimates his own life through the prism of missed opportunities. Going through and rethinking his life values, he tries to find himself, but often takes a false trail that leads to nowhere. The men's conversations take on a somewhat doomed and philosophical tone, and life appears with its transience, as well as a real, completely final stop. During this period, there is a reassessment of values, as well as professional plans. Having achieved a social role, a certain status, and financial well-being, men take an “inventory” of their values, as well as their achievements, since financial well-being no longer gives men a sense of stability and reliability. Men often start talking about health, watch TV shows about health with interest, and start visiting doctors. This is due to death and fear of old age. He often falls into depression, is overcome by causeless anxiety, insomnia, and his mood changes several times a day.
Trying to find himself, a man takes on different social roles and tries himself in various fields. Dissatisfaction with his current situation pushes him to make changes, but he does not develop specific goals.
How to overcome a midlife crisis? A crisis is not the end of the world, but a revaluation of values. It is important for the family to understand this, and for the wife to support her husband’s transition to a new stage of life. The wife also needs to be tolerant and not push her husband with his crisis. There is no point in rushing this natural process. Encouraging conversations with a man are especially important. The wife should remember her husband’s achievements and let him feel his importance and need. Review your husband's values together and add variety to your life. In addition to talking with your spouse, it is important to actually show your love, appreciate him, give gifts, taking into account, first of all, his interests. Be sure to relax together in the fresh air, buy a vitamin complex, and offer your spouse an extreme vacation.
After the crisis is over, a man’s self-pity will disappear, he will reconsider social roles at work, in the family, with friends, carry out a deep reassessment of values, achieve stability, emotional maturity and consciously accept his life.
Midlife crisis in women
Tossing around in search of new sensations and feelings, constant irritability, ashes in the soul, a wet pillow from tears - complete dissatisfaction with life that overtakes a woman after 35 years.
The crisis in women is marked by the following symptoms:
Anxiety and uncertainty;
Lack of understanding of what to fill your life with;
Feeling of irretrievable loss of time;
Confidence that the best years are behind us and there is no future;
Fading love for husband;
Mental distance from children;
Disappointment and devastation of the soul after flirting and affairs;
Desire to distance yourself from friends, avoidance of parties;
Regrets about unfulfilled dreams;
Dissatisfaction with the past years;
Dissatisfaction with professional activities;
Dissatisfaction with external changes.
Advice from psychologists to women in this state: do not cultivate longing for the past years, look for the right direction and do not get stuck in place. Find something you like: yoga, swimming, foreign language courses, classes at a fitness club, driving lessons, etc.
Anything that can help you find new guidelines and paint your life with fresh colors, as well as interesting communication, will do. Women who sit at home should begin to realize themselves in the profession, and although starting a career in adulthood is not easy, it all depends solely on the woman’s zeal and abilities.
Thanks to the midlife crisis, many women became successful, deciding out of hopelessness to open their own business. The accompanying success helped desperate women overcome their midlife crises.
Single careerists who have reached professional heights, but have lost interest in life, should think about starting a family.
Psychologists advise women who endlessly delve into mistakes to draw the right conclusions and determine the direction of future activities without missing out on opportunities. You should try to look for sources of creativity in your soul. Try to honestly and objectively answer the question: is everything so bad in life? Is she ready to quit her job and leave her husband? Undoubtedly, there will be pleasant moments that you can be proud of in your profession and in your life together. Perhaps it’s better to first change your attitude towards work, change your life, talk to your husband, than to suddenly break your entire established life?
Often a woman is disheartened by her personal reflection in the mirror. Gray hair, extra pounds, wrinkles, cellulite, warts, as well as numerous other changes associated with age, are experienced much more acutely by women than by men.
In this case, psychologists advise not to look for evidence of former irresistibility, but to devote yourself to working on your figure and appearance - fitness, diet, modern cosmetic procedures. You should change your hairstyle, update your clothes in your wardrobe. By throwing away laziness, you can significantly prolong your youth. Cheerful, active, energetic women look much younger and more attractive than their apathetic and gloomy counterparts.
How to survive a midlife crisis? You need to be realistic and not exaggerate existing problems, but also not deny their existence. Love yourself, find something you like, praise for all your achievements, don’t isolate yourself, take care of your appearance and health. It must be remembered that age does not affect the quality of life.
For women, the duration of the crisis period depends on many factors. If she feels that she cannot get out of depression on her own, she should consult a psychologist.
Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"
1 656 A midlife crisis is often dismissed as something unimportant and ridiculous. It has become a cliche of middle-aged men with badly dyed hair wearing too-tight jeans driving sports cars - all of which impresses women half their age. But many men and women reach a stage in life when they realize that time may have caught up with them and that they can no longer be in their prime. As a result, they may suffer from a crisis of confidence that affects their lives and careers. — Sidney J. Harris, American journalist (1917-1986) In this article, we'll look at the signs and symptoms of a midlife crisis and look at strategies to overcome it. A midlife crisis is a period of emotional turmoil in middle age that is characterized by a particularly strong desire for change. People react to a midlife crisis in different ways, but it usually involves changes in their behavior and feelings, as well as their attitude towards life. This can happen at any time and can last for several years. The term "midlife crisis" reflects the negative aspects of change. This phenomenon is also known as: Transitional period of middle age. The phrase you choose to describe it is less important than your strategy for dealing with it. But it's worth considering whether transition should be a "crisis" or just part of coming to terms with changes in your life. Researchers define middle age as the years between 30 and 70 years old; midlife crises generally occur in people between 40 and 60 years old. A midlife crisis can be triggered by a significant life event that often reminds us of our age and tells us that time is running out. The underlying causes are related, but not exclusively, to one or more of these six life changes: Awareness of aging and mortality: This could be your first pair of reading glasses, hair loss, the onset of menopause, or the death of a peer. The feeling of “nowhere to go” in your career. The end (or lack thereof) of a significant relationship in your life. Children become more independent or leave home. Regrets about your life goals and achievements. The jolt of a major event can cause us to reflect on what we have achieved in our lives and, more importantly, what we have not achieved. It can make us feel frustrated and full of regrets, and motivate us to make drastic changes in our lives, try to regain our youth, or find a sense of fulfillment. Because a midlife crisis can affect people in different ways, there is no simple behavioral checklist. However, some signs seem common, such as sudden changes in habits or mood swings, feelings of anger or anxiety, emotional outbursts or impulsive decision-making and risk-taking. Other warning signs may include wanting to “get away from it all,” feeling trapped in your role or life, obsessing over your appearance or health, remembering your past with regret, and new spending habits to focus on fun and excitement. Overcoming a midlife crisis is a difficult task, but it can be done. Here we look at four strategies to cope with this difficult stage of life. 1. Talk to someone Some of the signs of a midlife crisis - loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy, feelings of pessimism or hopelessness, and in extreme cases, thoughts of suicide - are also symptoms of depression, and ignoring them can have serious consequences for your health. Alternatively, journaling can help you understand your thoughts and feelings, and this can help you understand any stress in your life and career. 2. Rethink your situation But there are many positive aspects of aging, such as wisdom, experience and security. So instead of saying, “My best days are behind me,” ask yourself, “What do I want to change?” Use rational thinking to challenge any negative thoughts and focus on what you still want from life, rather than what you have lost. “Count your blessings” and think about what you are grateful for. Now that you feel stronger, take another look at your unfulfilled ambitions. Is it too late to achieve them? View this time as an awakening and as your chance to reassess your life and make changes for the better. 3. Conduct a life audit Use this time as an opportunity to reexamine your values and sense of purpose. Don't judge your situation by others' expectations or compare them to other people - they probably have their own doubts and insecurities. Think about the times when you felt happy, proud, and most fulfilled in your career and personal life. Do you still live by the values that inspired this experience? If not, what changes can you make to change things? 4. Set new goals You might be tempted to think, “What’s the point of being my age?” But if not now, then when? Key points "Midlife crisis" is a commonly used term that describes a significant transition in identity and self-confidence during midlife. It is often triggered by a significant life event, such as children leaving home or health concerns. It affects both men and women and results in feelings and behaviors that reflect a desire to recapture lost youth or realize forgotten dreams and ambitions. There are four steps you can take to overcome a midlife crisis: talk to someone you trust, change your situation, conduct a life audit, and set new goals. You'll soon discover that a midlife crisis doesn't have to be a "crisis" at all. Instead, it can be an opportunity for meaningful, positive change.Middle age is the time of life when we hear two voices calling us. One says: “Why not?” And the other, “Why bother?”
What is a midlife crisis?
In search of identity.
Change of life.
Empty nest syndrome.
Identity verification or personality assessment.What can cause a midlife crisis?
What are the signs of a midlife crisis?
Overcoming the midlife crisis
Don't hold back your feelings. Confide in someone you trust, such as a friend or partner, your doctor, a qualified counselor, coach or therapist.
We tend to look back on our youth as the “good old days” and forget the problems and difficulties we faced back then.
You may be feeling cripplingly unsatisfied right now and want to make some drastic changes before it's too late. But before you do, it's worth carefully brainstorming what works in your life and what doesn't.
Goals you once had—buying a home, climbing the corporate ladder, or starting a family—may no longer be relevant or as important to you as they once were. If so, it's time to reconsider what you want from life and align those goals with the values you just identified. For example, you might learn a new skill or language, or engage in charity or community service.
