What is love in your own words. What is love and what does it look like? How to forget your ex love

Love is a set of emotions, actions and beliefs united by a strong feeling of affection, security, warmth and respect for another person.

Additionally, the concept of love can be applied to animals, abstract phenomena, or religious beliefs. For example, a person might say that he loves his cat, freedom, or God.

The best thing you can hold on to in life is each other.
Audrey Hepburn

Love has always been a popular topic of discussion, raised by philosophers, poets, writers and scientists for countless generations, and many of them have come up with different formulas for love, having their own views on its definition, conditions of occurrence and forms of manifestation.

While most researchers agree that love involves a strong feeling of affection, there is much disagreement about its exact meaning, resulting in different attitudes among different people.

Characteristics of love:

1. Higher priority for the well-being and happiness of the love object compared to one's own needs.
2. Strong feeling of affection.
3. Feelings of attraction and respect.
4. Desire to provide help and care.
5. A combination of the above characteristics.

There have been many debates about whether love is a free choice, or whether it is capable of enslaving despite the presence of will, whether it is permanent or fleeting, whether love between family members and spouses is biologically programmed or imposed by society.

The concept of love can vary depending on the individual as well as the culture in question. The result of every dispute about love is closer to the truth in relation to some time or place.

For example, in some cases love can be a choice, while in others it can be an uncontrollable feeling.

Love, passion (infatuation), romantic love

Especially in the early stages of a relationship, it can be difficult to discern the difference between love and passion (infatuation).

Combined with an overwhelming desire to be close to another person, both feelings are driven by physical attraction and the intoxicating effects of hormones, but only one of them is characterized by longevity - love.

Love is something that begins between two people and develops over a long period of time, experiencing many life ups and downs along the way. Therefore, love requires time, fidelity, mutual trust and acceptance of a person as he is.

Passion associated with sexual experiences that initially attract people to each other and are fueled by the desire to reproduce.

Passion, by blurring your consciousness with the influence of hormones and the idealization of the personality of its object, dulls the ability to see a person in his true light, and therefore it is not always able to become a direct path to a long-term relationship.

The ideal scenario for a strong relationship involves a balanced combination of love and passion.

Love, i.e. passionate infatuation with another person, combined with a feeling of attachment, form romantic love, which is an important early stage of a long-term relationship.

Rekindling the original spark of passion is a practice that happy couples should definitely follow.

Love and passion. Differences

To determine for yourself the difference between love and passion, answer yourself 5 questions.

1. Does your relationship make you a better person?

Only love can make you feel like you are capable of anything, and for an extended period of time.

Passion carries within itself an opposite, destructive force. It stops you through restrictions on your freedom and implicit prohibitions on self-realization.

Passion worsens the quality of life of both partners, but love gives freedom, motivates, and makes lovers better.

2. Where is your “I”?

Is your Ego at the core of your relationship, or is your loved one at its center?

Do you prefer to give or receive?

Do you keep track of how much you did for your partner and how much he did for you?

If you're willing to do whatever it takes for your girlfriend or boyfriend without your own benefit, from sending love messages to sacrificing your beliefs and principles, then it's probably love.

When you're in love, the other person's happiness is more important to you than your own well-being.

Passion is self-centered, but love is completely selfless.

3. What attracts you to your partner?

Passion for another person works mainly on a physical level, causing you to admire the appearance, body, voice, gait or object of attraction.

Love, first of all, is aimed at the partner’s personality, his inner world, way of thinking, life values ​​and other internal qualities.

Physical attractiveness is, of course, also important, but to a much lesser extent.

Thus, passion is based on external attraction, love - on internal personal values.

4. Are you being yourself in a relationship?

If each of you can answer “Yes,” you are definitely meant for each other.

If you are able to be yourself, telling your loved one about the most personal things, doing what you like, and not trying to control your behavior, you can be sure that this is love.

Honesty, complete trust, understanding, intimacy, mutual sympathy and romantic feelings create a stable platform for a long-term union.

When you don't have to wear masks to cover your true colors; when you are not afraid of being misunderstood, rejected, ridiculed, judged for who you are; when you always try to understand your partner's actions without judging - all these are the building blocks of true love, not passion.

Passion dictates the rules, but love frees you from inner servitude, it does not judge, it comes to you for who you are.

5. Are you ready to develop together?

Love cannot stumble or break. She is able to withstand all types of life obstacles that arise on a joint path, finding a way out of any current circumstances.

If you feel that you can be with this person forever, regardless of whether you receive the same amount of care and warmth as you give, that is love.

Passion is temporary and fleeting, so sooner or later a relationship based on it will end.

Passion flares up and goes out, ceasing to exist. Love is stable, deep and constant.

Love is timeless.

Love and mental health

While there is no single truth when it comes to defining love, most people agree that love plays a vital role in both physical and mental well-being.

Benefits of love:

1. The lack of love and care that children may experience almost always has a negative impact on their future lives to varying degrees.
2. The feeling of lack of love has a strong correlation with low self-esteem, and can cause the condition.
3. People who live loving lives tend to be happier.
4. Love and a sense of emotional unity can have a direct impact on health, helping to improve immunity.

Love and physiology

From an evolutionary perspective, love can be seen as a survival tool—a mechanism we evolved to promote long-term relationships, mutual protection, and parental support.

When you realize that someone is attractive to you, love, among other things, begins to manifest itself in the form of a biological process.

Your body is reinforcing what your mind already knows - this person is making you feel amazing.

When we feel close to another person, our brain signals our body to release hormones such as serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, dopamine and norepinephrine.

These chemicals cause us to become overwhelmed with loving thoughts and experience the physical sensations we associate with love.

More about “love hormones”:

1. Serotonin. This hormone improves your mood. Those who take certain illegal drugs cause a huge increase in serotonin levels. Instead, they could simply find someone who would love them - and there would be more benefits and health.

2. Oxytocin. Is the biological basis for love. This hormone is produced during lovemaking, filling you with a feeling of affection for your lover.

3. Vasopressin. Along with oxytocin, it is responsible for the feeling of closeness to someone.

4. Dopamine. Bears responsibility for desire and reward, i.e. you feel great pleasure when you are rewarded with love, whether it is expressed through kindness, touch, a date night, or a feeling of happiness.

5. Norepinephrine. It is produced when you fall in love and feel the excitement of wanting everything to work out and develop well. Such physical sensations are manifested by a rapid heartbeat or clammy palms.

Stages of love (relationships)

1. Falling in love

Falling in love is the most exciting stage of love, and many will agree with this.

When a man and a woman find each other attractive, a spark of attraction flashes between them, causing them to drown in the ocean of romance and passion.

At this stage, you simply cannot stop thinking about the girl or guy, they are constantly on your mind. It is now that the meaning of the old saying “love is blind” is most clearly manifested.

This “charm” stage brings a lot of romantic emotions, laughter, flirting and playfulness, and all the negative traits of the partners are ignored. Much emphasis is placed on the similarities you both share.

People at this stage seem to “fly” when they are together, and cannot wait to be close to each other if they are separated. Butterflies fly in the stomach, and trembling hearts seem to freeze.

At such moments, most people are sure that they have found their soulmate, but the underlying reason for all these uncontrollable emotions is physiology.

“Love hormones” make you feel euphoric, induce a cheerful mood filled with happiness, and increase your overall energy level. It seems that you are a different person, your sexuality is at its peak, you feel like you can handle anything, you are simply fearless.

In this state, you are able to get married before moving on to the next stage of love, ignoring the underlying flaws in your partner.

Sure, the romantic feeling in question seems wonderful while it lasts, but it can't last forever, even if you really want it to.

By combining with feelings of intimacy and affection, infatuation transforms into romantic love.

2. Saturation (addiction)

After several months of living together, when the “chemistry of love” ceases its active phase of influence, couples return to their usual selves with their usual mood and level of attraction.

Things return to normal and instead of focusing on each other, the couple becomes more active professionally and in other daily activities.

Young people who are unaware of this stage of love may think that the feelings have passed. Sometimes they may get upset due to lack of attention from their lover.

Minor disagreements and even quarrels are a normal part of this stage. It's worth recognizing that healthy confrontation is natural because it helps both of you understand the situation better.

As you learn to resolve problems and conflicts that arise, your relationship will become more mature.

At this stage of love, you may wonder why your sex life has become a little stale, or why you sometimes find your partner irritated.

You begin to evaluate your other half more objectively, and the conclusions that come to mind can cause delight or apathy.

What you need to do is move on. The best is yet to come, even if you feel like the relationship has faded.

3. Disgust (quarrels)

You may have a lot of expectations from your loved one. You can even try to bring your partner closer to your ideal image.

This stage of love resembles a power struggle, and sometimes relationships end if one party dominates the other too much.

Instead of focusing on the similarities, as you so cleverly did when you were in love, you now focus on your partner's differences and shortcomings.

Some couples are at this stage. Others, experiencing pain and dissatisfaction in relationships, come to the conclusion that true love is associated with compromises, and instead of withering away in the conflicts that arise, one can find a way out with the help of understanding, warmth and kindness.

4. Humility (understanding)

Reaching this stage of love means that you now understand your partner much better.

At this stage, couples are in a joyful state, but do not stop making efforts to work on their relationship.

Now both partners accept each other for who they really are, but they should not rest on their laurels. Avoid misunderstandings and continue to get to know each other better.

The stages of love can often bring turmoil into relationships, but if you are aware of their existence, moving from one stage to another will not be such a difficult task for you.

To move to the next stage, accept each other's strengths and weaknesses. You need to focus on the positive, not focus on the negative, and learn about the goals and interests of each of you.

5. Study

Once a couple goes through the aforementioned stages of love, all unrealistic expectations tend to disappear.

Each party begins to open up more and more to each other, and there is a clearer understanding of how they can work together effectively in the relationship.

Couples begin to define and clarify their roles in the relationship, as well as their compatibility with each other.

There is a need to resolve certain issues, such as how much time a guy and a girl like to spend together and how long to stay alone, how each party is used to expressing and receiving love, etc.

Once couples can effectively communicate their needs to each other, they will be able to avoid many unpleasant things, such as aggressive behavior, avoidance, criticism, or defensiveness.

Focus instead on understanding, compassion, forgiveness and patience.

6. Proximity

This is the stage when they experience true intimacy. They support each other even better by giving and receiving love in return.

Ups and downs are an integral part of any relationship. However, the trust and loyalty of both partners will be able to carry them through these troubles without significant obstacles.

At this stage of love, each of you will stop focusing on your own personality and shift your attention to what is best for the relationship.

Now you feel unity, individuality, and love for each other. At the same time, the spirit of unity still prevails, further strengthening your relationship.

At this stage, you feel like an ideal couple. Many lovers may even decide to tie their fate with family ties, since they have come so far.

7. Doubts

Usually this stage occurs after many years of marriage. You may start thinking about your ex-lovers and past relationships, or start comparing your current partner to your previous ones.

At this stage, much depends on the level of satisfaction with the existing relationship. If you feel dissatisfied and hurt, you tend to blame your partner for it.

You may even start comparing your relationship to other couples in your circle.

But you shouldn’t add fuel to the fire, because you are able to get through this not the most fun stage.

8. Sexuality

At this stage of love, your intimate life plays a key role. Changes in love preferences are possible when one of you becomes less interested in realizing wild fantasies, or, conversely, wants to do something incredible.

If there is a significant difference in your passions, one of the partners may have an affair.

The key to solving the main problem at this stage is to find creative ways to make your sex life more varied and exciting, thereby strengthening your relationship.

9. Love

This is the highest stage of a relationship when both partners completely love and trust each other. However, sometimes the complete trust you have developed can cause you to take each other for granted, so be careful.

At this stage of love, you know each other very well, you know what to expect from each other, and you also clearly understand the direction of the relationship.

Even though there is complete bliss and understanding at this stage, do not stop appreciating and respecting your partner because love should be constantly cultivated and developed.

Remember that love is like a plant that needs nourishment to keep it alive.

34 interesting facts about love

1. Monogamy

And although humans would like to think that we are completely different from the rest of the animal kingdom, we are not the only creatures whose relationships are characterized by monogamy.

Wolves, gibbons, albatrosses and even termites are known to choose a mate for life.

2. Time required to evaluate attractiveness

First impressions are very important, especially when you consider that it only takes 4 minutes to decide whether you like someone or not.

It's not just how he looks and what he says that influences, but also his body language and the tone and speed of his voice.

3. Synchronization

If two lovers look into each other's eyes for a long time, their heartbeats will synchronize in about 3 minutes.

4. Addiction

Falling in love is similar to the effects of drugs because it uses similar parts of the brain and causes similar chemical reactions.

So, away with the use of illegal substances, instead, love and be loved.

5. Reduce headaches

Oxytocin, the love hormone produced by the body during hugs, helps reduce headaches and improve sleep.

The next time you have a headache, just hold your loved one closer to you.

6. Levels of attractiveness

People often fall in love and begin relationships with others who have a similar level of attractiveness.

If someone in a relationship is physically more attractive, then, most likely, he compensates for the existing disadvantages due to the presence of other important socio-cultural qualities.

7. Too identical

Couples in which people are too similar tend to break up quickly.

Researchers have found that similarities help form the foundation of a relationship, but if partners have nothing to learn from each other, they are more likely to break up.

So opposites attract.

8. Time limit

Scientists believe that the peak of infatuation or romantic love occurs around one year after the start of a relationship.

We remind you that it is falling in love that makes you experience euphoria and butterflies in your stomach.

After falling in love passes, the relationship ends or moves to a higher level, transforming into true love.

9. Associations

Research shows that a loving mindset has a positive effect on creativity, abstract thought, and long-term planning.

Thinking about a fleeting intimate relationship affects immediate decision making and attention to the current moment.

10. Face or body?

People looking for a short-term fling are more concerned about their partner's attractive body than the beauty of his face.

In contrast, those wishing to enter into a long-term relationship prioritize the attractiveness of the face over the body.

11. Hold hands

The next time you find yourself stressed, try holding your loved one's hand, because romantic handshakes can help reduce stress and feelings of physical pain.

12. Gratitude

Expressing gratitude to your loved ones results in an immediate spike in happiness levels.

13. Butterflies in the stomach

The butterflies in your stomach that you feel when you fall in love are a result of your body producing the hormone adrenaline.

14. Pupils of the eyes

When you look at your loved one, even if it is just a photograph, the pupils of your eyes will dilate.

It should be added that people with dilated pupils are perceived as more attractive.

Therefore, it is not surprising that when you are in a relationship, you seem more attractive to the opposite sex.

15. Finding love

Long-term research has led to the conclusion that the happiness and life of most people almost always revolve around love or the search for love.

So even if you don't find your other half, just searching will lead to a happy life.

16. Lucky number seven

On average, people fall in love seven times before they finally decide to start a family. The seventh attempt, as a rule, becomes the reason for marriage.

17. Male gaze

On average, a man spends a whole year in his life looking at women.

18. Self-esteem

People with higher self-esteem tend to have longer-lasting and more successful relationships.

If you are not capable, why expect this high feeling from other people?

19. Emotions during separation

Statistically, men are more susceptible to negative emotional impact due to a breakup than women.

20. Long life

It is believed that husbands who kiss their wives in the morning live five years longer. And this is another five years extra to see your loved ones every morning.

21. Dislike

Some people are unable to experience love due to a condition called hypopituitarism, due to a decrease or complete cessation of hormone production by the pituitary gland.

22. Symmetry

Facial symmetry is the basis of beauty and attractiveness, or so the human brain thinks.

Those with symmetrical facial features make love more often and can boast of a large number of fans.

23. Rose-colored glasses

Being in love suppresses the parts of the human brain responsible for perceiving social judgment.

Nobody wants to think about falling in love with a terrible person.

24. Love quest

Romantic situations involving obstacles that arise in the path of lovers are important factors in falling in love, influencing how deeply you fall in love.

The longer the romantic path and the more intricacies, the brighter and stronger the feelings of love and longing appear.

25. The dark side of love

According to statistics, more than 50% of murders of women are committed by their lovers or husbands.

26. Treason

Nearly 60% of married men said they had been unfaithful to their wives. Married women responded with a figure of 40%.

This information was compiled from a survey, so dishonesty on the part of either group cannot be ruled out.

27. Crisis of four years

Most marriages around the world experience a relationship crisis after four years of marriage.

The next important stage that the spouses have to overcome awaits them after the next four years, i.e. upon the eighth anniversary.

28. Forever young

Usually men marry women for the first time who are the same age as them or within 3 years younger.

When remarried, the age difference is usually approximately 5 years.

For the third time, a man most likely pays attention to women who are 8 or more years younger than him.

29. Biology

The desire to love, like the desire to eat food, is a biological stimulus with which we are born.

So even men are more lovers than warriors.

30. Dangerous Lover

You are more likely to fall in love with someone (especially women) if you are in a dangerous situation.

31. Beer belly

Women are less attracted to men who have decided to reward themselves with a beer belly.

The presence of an excessively protruding male belly indicates lower testosterone levels, which means a reduced ability to reproduce.

32. Sense of humor

A sense of humor is most often associated with honesty and intelligence.

This is why most women are attracted to men who can show off humor.

33. Competition

Male attractiveness increases if a man is surrounded by other women.

34. Voice

Men with a lower voice timbre seem more worthy of attention in women's eyes.

How can such an important biological phenomenon as first love be explained from the point of view of chemistry and physics? (Albert Einstein)

During the already beloved holiday of all lovers - Valentine's Day - I really want to talk about love! And since you have already looked at this section, it means that you are a serious girl; So let's talk about love seriously. Is it possible to truly define what love is? So, to say - and immediately everything clearly fell into place, everything became clear and understandable. Let’s say right away that we are unlikely to be able to find a single definition of love. The true and deep meaning of love is very difficult to convey in words. Human love is an endless story in the open book of life's experiences. You can try to look at what love is from a scientific point of view: philosophers and psychologists, chemists and philologists tried to define it, even mathematicians tried to calculate the formula of love. Not a single science has been able to give an exact definition of what love is, because each of them studies only one aspect of this phenomenon. And love is a multifaceted feeling that unites physical, mental, emotional and spiritual manifestations in a person.

An attempt to give an exact definition of what love is has been made by all artists and poets at all times. It worked out differently for everyone. Each of us knows exactly when we love, that it is love. And yet this feeling remains a mystery to everyone in every way. No one has yet been able to give a definitive definition of love. Those scientists who can find the exact formulation will make a great contribution to our world and society. In the meantime, only the ancient Greeks more accurately defined the essence of different types of love. But first things first!

Let's look in the dictionary

Let's start with the most accessible - let's see what definition of this feeling is given in different dictionaries. So, love (and everything connected with it) is:

1. Strong heart feeling, deep emotional attraction. “Love at first sight”, “Pangs of love”.
2. Strong positive emotions, pleasure. “He loves his job,” “I love cooking.”
3. Designation of spiritual closeness, tender relationship. "Beloved husband"
4. Any object of warm affection or devotion. “The theater was her true love,” “I love French cuisine.”
5. Deep feeling of sexual desire, attraction. “She was his first love,” “She loves her husband.”
6. Sexual intercourse. “They made love,” “He had no love for several months.”

These are not all definitions of love. There can be a lot of them, because in the modern world the use of this word is slightly distorted, and in some places completely distorted. For example, in some countries no one would ever say, “I love apple!” There are more suitable words for this situation. The ancient Greeks would not have said that either.

Four types of love in Greek

The ancient Greeks divided love into four main types: agape, eros, philia and storge.

• Agape – love-compassion. The highest type of love. This is unconditional love with the deepest feelings, when a loving person gives all of himself without expecting anything in return. Such love is for another and for the sake of another, it is full of self-denial and sacrifice. All world religions consider such love to be the highest earthly feeling of a person.
• Eros is passionate love. It is based, of course, on sexual passion, but passion can be not only physical, but also spiritual (for example, there are passionate football fans). Eros is an enthusiastic, stormy love, but the passion here burns not so much for the other as for oneself; there is a lot of egocentrism in it. (By the way, don’t you think it was the god of passionate love, Eros, who coined the phrase “making love”?)
• Philia - sons love, love-friendship (as between parents and children). It's a calmer, more spiritual feeling. Here love is expressed through loyalty to family, friends and community; As a rule, with philia there is a sharing of spiritual resources with a mutual expectation of something in return. In Plato's teaching on love, philia is elevated to the highest level. Well, Plato knows better!
• Storge is marital love, love-tenderness, which is a consequence of mutual affection. It is full of the attention of loving people to each other.

Later, other types of love began to be identified. Among them there is one interesting type that is worth mentioning: Mania – love-madness, love-obsession (the Greek word “mania” meant madness, attraction, passion). This love is based on prolonged emotional ecstasy, obsession with feelings, and an overestimation of the significance of this love. Madness from the gods - that’s what the Greeks called this love. The symptoms of such love were immortalized by Plato and Sappho - heat of the heart, loss of sleep and interest in food, confusion and pain of a restless soul.

It’s interesting that after the Greeks, for a very long time no one really tried to explore love. It was only in the twentieth century that psychologists and representatives of other sciences turned their attention to the gaps in this area of ​​​​knowledge. And they tried to make up for them.

Anthropology's perspective on love

Anthropology professor Dr. Helen Fisher (USA) has been studying the nature of this feeling for more than thirty-two years. She recently published the book Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. Just like that. I broke it down into molecules! And what conclusion did she come to? Fisher believes that love can be divided into three components: lust, romance and affection. These three components can occur in any order and in any combination. You can fall in love with someone before you sleep with them. You can be deeply attached to someone and then fall in love. Or you can first have a sexual relationship, then fall in love, and later become very attached to this person.

So, lust, lust... The thirst for sexual satisfaction that a person can feel makes him act. Having fallen in love, he focuses all his attention on the object of his feelings, obsessively thinking only about him. He not only longs to possess the person he loves; he becomes highly motivated to win this person. It may seem counterintuitive, but when things get really bad, the attraction to the rejecting party only intensifies. In this state, the brain is controlled by dopamine, the hormone of “anticipation of happiness,” and the rejected lover intensively continues his attempts to achieve reciprocity.

Romantic love is a much more powerful stimulant of the nervous system than sexual desire. All over the world, in every corner of the globe, people live for the sake of love, do things for the sake of love, die themselves or kill others for the sake of love. They sing songs about love, paint pictures, and make films. Love sometimes turns into insanity, which can bring both joy and pain at the same time. And all this time, chemical reactions occur in the brain of a person in love, which control this process. And the duration of these reactions is not infinite. Romantic love is meant to be temporary, otherwise people would not be able to withstand such stress and would die of nervous exhaustion or end up in psychiatric clinics for treatment. Romantic love is designed to focus a couple's attention on each other to encourage reproduction. But as soon as a child is born, a mechanism is activated that helps raise the baby together - a feeling of attachment appears.

Attachment gives a feeling of peace and security. This, unlike romantic love, is a long-term feeling, and it can last until the death of the partners. There are completely different hormones involved here - vasopressin and oxytocin, which are responsible for a feeling of calm and even a feeling of unity after sexual intercourse. Oxytocin has been shown to make men more receptive to positive words. So, it’s worth taking note: when you sit side by side, holding hands, or when you give your husband a massage, or look into his eyes, affectionately telling him how good he is, you thereby contribute to the production of oxytocin in the brain of your loved one. And oxytocin immediately begins to affect the betrothed’s brain, and now ropes can be twisted from it... Chemistry! Most of us are making noise, banging our fists on the table, demanding something; and affectionate wives not only don’t take out the trash themselves, but also sport fur coats. So that!

And now about love from a psychological point of view

Psychologists tend to distinguish three aspects of love:

1. Passion. Passion is based on arousal, physical attraction, and sexual behavior. This is the physical side of love.
2. Proximity. This is the emotional aspect of love - closeness, togetherness, warmth of friendship.
3. Obligations. The moral side of love. This means the couple is willing to solve all problems together.

There are many combinations that become characteristic of a particular love. Have passion and friendship but very little commitment? Then this is “passionate love”. You seem to be together, but don't feel passion or friendly warmth? This is “empty”, hopeless love. In general, there can be many options. Of course, any of us would like to have true love with the “full package”: with passion, intimacy and commitment. This is, of course, an ideal, but you should not unconditionally advocate for it alone. Compromises play a big role in our lives. And by chasing the ideal, you can miss your happiness.

Well, everything seems simple and clear. But how do you know true love? How not to mistake her for simple love, infatuation or banal lust? Let's try to come up with our own feminine definition of true love.

Love is when you want to do something good for a person. Just. And you feel good only because you managed to do something pleasant and useful for him.

Love is when you can’t breathe if he’s not around. And as soon as he appears in your field of vision, it’s as if butterflies start dancing in your stomach!

Love is when the food is tasteless, fun games are uninteresting, daily activities are meaningless... The only thing that makes sense is to sit in a chair and smile stupidly, dreaming about it.

Love is when you can’t help but think about how extraordinary he is, how unlike anyone else, even if you are... incredibly angry with him!

Love is when for him there are no other women except you. Well, maybe his mother...

Love is when it's forever. Only with him. For life. True love will overcome all obstacles and stand the test of time. And even if this is not always possible, each of us prefers to think this way. As in Shakespeare's sonnet:

Love is not love anymore

When the color changes at the slightest change

And flies away at the first cooling.

Well, so that you don’t get completely off the ground in your dreams of true love, we want to give you some advice.

• You cannot love others until you learn to love yourself.
• Don't forget: just because you feel love for someone doesn't mean they have to love you too.
• You should not fall in love with a person who is inconsistent in his feelings - sometimes hot, sometimes cold. Such a person will make you cry much more often than you smile. Find the strength to put an end to this; you will still find a more worthy person capable of healthy relationships.
• Remember that there are different “levels” of love. Two people who love each other have the right to choose what their relationship will be like. But love itself is not a choice: you cannot decide with what intensity you will love.
• Sometimes reckless love enslaves. Do not try to give your life on the altar of serving your loved one. Don't lose yourself by completely dissolving in it. Better become even better for the sake of your loved one, develop, learn something new for yourself. Let him be interested in you! Unconditional love does not mean that only you have to take care of your loved one. It means that you must balance your relationships in such a way that your life changes for the better.
• Let us venture to say that people truly love when love is not only taken, but also given. No matter how much love you give someone, what matters is that they always want to give you more.
• It's not love if they only talk about it. To express love, it is not enough to say “I love you”; It is better to reveal your love not with words, but with deeds and actions. “Actions speak louder than words,” says an Eastern proverb. Actions affect feelings more than talk. Even if someone simply waved at you with a sincere smile, it can make your heart skip a beat and pound wildly.

Centuries have passed, but people have not yet been able to give an exact definition of this feeling. Perhaps because love is different for different people? For some it is suffering, and for others it is wings behind their back; For some, love is an opportunity for self-expression, and for others, it is quiet family comfort. Love brings happiness, love can cause sorrow. It can even lead to war! But in one thing love is unchangeable - it is eternal, and it forces a person to be a person!

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Every person knows. However, if you ask this question to different people, the answers will be completely different. Why is that? And is there a single true and correct definition of love - this is what I want to talk about.

The science

So what is love? Many minds of mankind have tried to define love throughout the history of earthly civilization. That is why it is worth considering this concept from different points of view. And I would like to start my analysis from the scientific sphere. What will be interesting to many is the fact that there is a special chemistry of love. Scientists have proven that when a person falls in love, his body produces such an amount of hormones that is akin to drug or alcohol intoxication. At the same time, the brain receives signals that indicate that the person is in a state of love. However, this is only one side of such a state, and considering love only as chemistry is simply a crime.

1. Love is a drug. Proof of this is a tomography of the head of a person in love. The same areas of the brain are activated in him as in a person who has used cocaine and is in a state of euphoria.
2. Love is a way of survival. Scientists have proven that human love is a slightly modified form of infatuation among animals. That is, it is easier for a person to find one partner for life, rather than constantly seeking new ones to satisfy his own sexual needs.
3. Love is blind. This statement also has scientific proof. A German researcher found that the areas of the brain responsible for rational decisions and negative emotions in a person in love simply turn off.
4. Love is an addiction. Scientists say that treatment for love should be the same as for drug addiction: remove from the “patient’s” field of vision all factors that irritate him: photographs, gifts, any reminders of the object of desire.
5. Cure from love. Since when a person falls in love, the level of a hormone such as serotonin drops quite seriously, doctors suggest compensating for it with medication in order to be able to avoid crimes based on this feeling (as statistics show, their number has increased significantly recently). However, if you “overdo it” with this hormone, a person will not fall in love, but the attraction will remain, which is fraught with promiscuity.
6. Men love with their eyes. This statement is known to many people, but not everyone knows that it also has scientific proof. When guys fall in love, the zone responsible for the visual factor is activated. An interesting fact will be that in women the area responsible for memory becomes active: a woman remembers her partner’s behavior in order to later analyze it and draw conclusions: is it worth being with such a person further.

Dictionaries

So, as a small conclusion, I would like to give a few explanations of what love is. Scientific explanation, wording:

1. This is a strong heartfelt feeling, an emotional attraction.
2. Sexual attraction, attraction.
3. Strong positive emotions.
4. Mental closeness, tender attitude.

But in general, we can say that love, from a scientific point of view, is pure chemistry.

Art

It will also be interesting that you can watch love. Photos, paintings - they perfectly illustrate this feeling. However, this is not enough for art. Many writers have also thought about what love is. It is sung in poetry, songs, and always appears on the pages of prose stories and novels. Various ones have already become so famous that people sometimes don’t even know who said it or what work they were taken from.

1. Boris Pasternak: "Love is a high disease."
2. Stendhal, “On Love”: “Love is like a fever, it can appear and fade away without the slightest sense of human will.”
3. Haruki Murakami, “Kafka on the Beach”: “Every person who falls in love is in search of something that he lacks.”
4. “The Physiology of Marriage” by Honore de Balzac: “True affection is blind. You should not judge the people you love.”
5. Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream: "That's why Cupids are portrayed as blind, because the lover looks not with his eyes, but with his heart."
6. Fyodor Dostoevsky, “The Brothers Karamazov”: “What is hell? Regret that one cannot love even more.”

And a huge number of such statements can be cited. As for the nuances, they will all be different, but they will still have a single line.

Philosophers: Erich Fromm

Philosophers also have their own works on this topic. They talked a lot about love, presenting information from a variety of points of view. Now I would like to pay attention to Erich Fromm and his work “The Art of Loving.” What interesting conclusions did this philosopher make in his work? So, in his opinion, love is not just a sentimental feeling that can arise in a person. This is not enough, it is not enough. In order for love to develop, the person himself must develop and grow morally. The first step that everyone must take is to realize that love is an art, akin to the art of living. And in order to understand love in its entirety, every person must perceive it as something more than a given. The philosopher also says that in addition to love, there is some other form of relationship, symbiotic unity. There are two types:

1. Passive is to some extent masochism, when a person subordinates himself to the will of another and becomes an integral part of him. In this case, he loses his individuality.
2. Active is sadism, when one person subjugates the will of another person, making him an integral part of himself.

However, mature love is the opposite of these forms of relationships. This is the unification of two people while maintaining their personality, individuality, and integrity. According to Erich Fromm, love is a kind of force that breaks down walls, helping a person to reunite with another person. True mature love is a paradox: two people become one, while remaining two individuals. Important nuances of love, according to the author:

1. If a person loves, he will give (himself, his life).
2. A person is completely interested in the life of his partner.
3. Partners must respect each other.

Fromm on objects of love

1. Brotherly love is fundamental, the basis of other types. This is respect, care, responsibility.
2. Mother's love is the first love in every person's life. Its essence, according to the author, should presuppose the woman’s desire for the child to be separated from her in the future.
3. Erotic love is complete carnal unity with one person.
4. Self-love. The author writes that this should not be confused with selfishness, these are different concepts. Only by loving oneself can a person become loved by someone else.
5. religious form of love.

Philosopher Carl Jung

What other philosophers talked about love? So, why not turn to the works of Carl Gustave Jung, who at the same time was a great psychiatrist and at the same time also a student of Sigmund Freud? His main and favorite phrase: “Nothing is possible without love,” from which many conclusions can already be drawn. According to the author, love is the most powerful all-conquering factor in a person’s life. Thus, it is impossible to consider this topic without two archetypes that are inherent in every person: Anima and the so-called personification of the unconscious principle of a representative of the opposite sex in the psyche of each individual person. These halves are attracted to people. What is love according to Jung? The definition of love that the author gives: the traits hidden in a person are found in another person and they attract him, arousing a feeling of love.

Anthropology about love

A science such as anthropology has also tried to define the word “love”. The work of the American scientist Helen Fisher, “Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love,” deserves special attention. Here she identified three fundamental pillars of this feeling: attachment (a feeling of security and peace), romance (the most powerful stimulator of love) and lust (satisfaction of natural needs).

Religion

It is definitely worth mentioning that there is also a religious definition of love. The Bible says quite a lot about this feeling.

1. Prov. 10:12: “...a man’s love covers all his sins...”
2. Song of Songs, 8:6-7: “...love is strong as death; she is fierce as hell; her arrows are fiery; its flame is very strong. Rivers and large waters will not flood it.”
3. 1 Pet. 4:8 “...Have love for one another, because it covers all sins.”
4. 1 John 4:7-8,18: “... love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.”
5. 2 John 6 “...this is love: that all should walk according to the commandments of God.”

These are not all the quotes about love that can be found in the main book of humanity, but they fully reflect the mood and definition of this feeling according to religious canons.

Psychology

1. Passion. Attraction, excitement. This is the physical side of love.
2. Proximity. Friendship, unity. Emotional side.
3. Obligations. Willingness to solve the couple's problems, caring. This is the moral aspect of this feeling.

Love in Greek

The theme of love has been touched upon by all peoples and cultures. At this stage, I would like to talk about what types of love the ancient Greeks identified.

1. Agape. This is not just love, but more compassion. The highest type is when a person can give his all without expecting anything in return.
2. Eros is passion. However, this is not always a physical passion; it can also be a spiritual one. Eros by its nature is admiration, love.
3. Philia, or sons, is brotherly love. A calmer feeling, the main thing here is spirituality.
4. Storge is more like an attachment. Most often this is marital love.

These four types of love are still the main ones today, but in the modern world other subtypes are also emerging. An interesting type may be called mania - this is madness, love-obsession.

Household level

As was said above, for each person love is something special. Everyone understands it in their own way, there is nothing wrong with that. How can one characterize love in a simple way, without resorting to the opinions of scientists, writers or philosophers?

1. Love is the desire to do something good for a loved one, to constantly please him.
2. “What kind of love is there if I can’t breathe without him” (film “Love and Doves”). Love is the desire to always be with your loved one, if not physically, then at least mentally.
3. Love is constantly thinking about whether your loved one is doing well: is he warm, has he eaten, is everything okay with him.
4. Love is giving more than receiving, without thinking about it at all.

To love means to forgive, to try to be better, to not pay attention to shortcomings. Love is constant work not only on relationships, but also on yourself. This is work that can only be rewarded after years.

Love and its definition can be viewed from different points of view - philosophical, religious, psychological, even medical. She is admired, inspired, idolized, exalted, poems, paintings, music, lives are dedicated to her. However, can we say that everyone understands love in their own way? What is it like, what does it consist of, how does it differ from other feelings, can it cause harm? And most importantly - how to find it?

What is love?

Love is a deep, long-lasting, stable attachment combined with corresponding benevolent actions. The “feeling-action” connection is inseparable. Love without an emotional component (feelings of sympathy) is a service out of benefit or humanity, and without external manifestations (actions) it is passion or falling in love.

If a passerby decides to shake hands with a fallen stranger, this will show him as a compassionate, caring, kind person. But the action will not indicate love. If one of the couple experiences warm feelings, but does not want to express it outwardly (help, care, etc.), then the other one also appears here.

There is no clear single definition for this concept, since different teachings interpret love in their own way. For example:

• religion(Christianity) - sacrifice, patience, forgiveness;
• philosophy- the highest form of relationship between people;
• the science— chemical and physical processes and conditions affecting;
• psychology- manifestation of socialization, desire for procreation;
• society- a unifying category in the family (blood, acquired);
• art- one of the most powerful sources, incentive;
• esoterics— an energetic connection predetermined by higher powers.

The very concept of love is ideal, but its manifestations in human behavior are not. And that's okay. You can imagine a flawless pearl in your imagination, but in reality, even the most beautiful pearls have microscopic cracks, chips, and abrasions.

You can perceive this feeling as a moral and emotional category, associate it only with or. But it is still difficult to deny the fact that it affects the physiological state and well-being.

Love is:

1. Caring.

The desire to look after and protect from any problems is a sure sign of a serious feeling. It manifests itself in attentiveness to a loved one and his needs.

Examples: caring for someone who is sick, helping with household chores, providing comfort (wrapping them in a blanket, giving a massage).

2. Respect.

Examples: ability to listen to the interlocutor, interest in him as a person, tolerant attitude.

3. Responsibility.

Keyword - voluntary. This is a personal decision of the lover, and not an imposed obligation. A person understands that his behavior affects not only himself, but also the reputation, feelings, and life of the one to whom this love is addressed.

Examples: planning for a future together, striving to solve rather than suppress or ignore, working to improve relationships.

4. Freedom.

It would seem that this is the opposite concept of responsibility. But it is equally present in healthy relationships. If obligations are “we,” then they are “I.” More precisely, the willingness to allow the other to not bury this “I” anywhere, not to sacrifice it in favor of “we” or the partner’s ego.

Examples: absence of threats, manipulations, categorical unreasonable prohibitions; providing choice, the opportunity to be yourself.

5. Proximity.

This is close communication, understanding each other on the intellectual, emotional, physical levels. A loved one becomes an inseparable part of life, and his usual habits are studied almost thoroughly.

Examples: common traditions, free tactile contact without tightness or awkwardness (hugs, touching), built mutual understanding.

6. Selflessness.

Love is free from selfishness. It also has nothing to do with the deal. Giving his feelings, help, care, a lover does it for free. The attitude “you are for me, and I am for you” is a sign of frivolity of feelings or inability.

Examples: desire to do something nice without expecting something in return, generosity (including in), initiative.

7. Trust.

Openness in thoughts and actions, sincerity, and confidence in the object of adoration are also very important. They form the basis of a healthy relationship, allowing other parts of love to develop.

Examples: fidelity, personal conversations, revealing secrets, the ability to rely on another, faith in a word.

8. Development.

Love makes people change and develop together. Moreover, this is not only the “acquaintance-cohabitation-marriage-children” scheme. This also includes working on relationships and yourself, improving your life together.

Examples: search and development of common interests, activities, work with a family psychologist, improvement of “I” for the comfort of “we”.

9. Sobriety.

Physiology of love.

A real hormonal boom occurs in the body of a loving person. Moreover, the types of hormones and their proportions at different stages of the relationship differ markedly. Interestingly, the amount of some of these substances depends on the gender of the lover. The main ones include 6 hormones.

• Dopamine. It is produced at the moment when a person decides to carry out an action that brings him (to see his mate). Stimulates excitement, pleasant excitement, emotional arousal, anticipation.
• Adrenalin. Creates a “positive stress” effect. It activates all the body's resources, including the nervous system. It is because of him that a feeling of “omnipotence” arises, a desire to move mountains.
• Serotonin. This is the key to a good mood. Its deficiency causes. The paradox is that its level drops if adrenaline appears in the blood. That's why in the first stages of a relationship, lovers sometimes tend to exaggerate and suffer out of nowhere.
• Endorphins. Causes satisfaction. They are especially actively produced during tactile contact with the object of sympathy. Over time, their production decreases. However, chocolate, sports and sex restore balance.
• Oxytocin. Awakens affection, enhances intimacy and trust. Reduces the amount of all previous substances. Passion is replaced by a pleasant calmness, a feeling of reliability and stability.
• Vasopressin. Has the same effect as oxytocin. However, it manifests itself in greater concentration in men. This is the “guarantee of monogamy” for a guy.

Taken together, this hormonal mix improves immunity, metabolism, the state of the cardiovascular system, attention, and stimulates the creative work of the brain.

Types of love.

Type of subject (owner) of feelings

• Parental. The most sacrificial. These are the feelings not only of the father and mother, but also of grandparents, uncles, aunts, and guardians.
• Children's. The most open, spontaneous, sincere, but slightly capricious.
• Romantic. Love in a couple or between spouses. Includes erotic overtones.
• Friendly. It appears and strengthens much longer than other species. More rare.
• Sister/brotherhood. Has common features with parent-child, friendly. The bias towards one or the other is determined, as a rule, by the difference in age.

Classification by John Alan Lee.

A sociologist-publicist from Canada took the thoughts of the ancient Greeks about love as the basis for his typology. He highlighted three main types of love relationships, assigning them different colors:

• Eros- red. Passion, idealization, adoration, irresistible attraction, a clear predominance of emotions over reason, blindness;
• storge- yellow. Calm family relationships based on similar interests, intimacy, friendship, trust, mutual understanding.
• ludus- blue. A feeling of gambling, an attempt to get rid of, a passion for the purpose of obtaining pleasure.

Lee also argued that pairwise mixed basic species create three secondary types:

• mania- eros + ludus, violet. Obsession, fanaticism, deviation from a healthy form of relationships. Instability, unpredictability.
• pragma- ludus + storge, green. Rationality, the predominance of reason over emotions, selectivity, awareness, search for benefits, self-interest.
• agape- eros + storge, orange. Selflessness, openness, generosity, voluntary sacrifice, unconditionality of feelings.

Social status.

It refers to the level of income, education, and culture. Sometimes religion and specific traditions of an individual family or an entire nation are also taken into account (for example, castes in India).

• Equal- relationships between representatives of the same social class. Approved and encouraged by society.
• Unequal- feelings that arise between people of different social classes. This is love with serious obstacles.

The relationship of object to subject.

• Mutual- reciprocal feelings between partners, equal treatment of each other.
• Unrequited- lack of reciprocity or inequality in the strength and quality of emotions.
• Anonymous- a situation in which people do not know about the presence or depth of each other’s feelings. As a rule, these are the first stages of dating or periods after serious quarrels or long separation.

Sympathy, love, love.

Is there a difference between these concepts? It turns out yes. It is expressed not only in the brightness and duration of emotions, but also in relation to another person.

• Sympathy- spontaneously arising interest based on obvious signs of a new acquaintance. Its duration and further development can be completely different. That is, it is possible both a complete interruption of affection and its degeneration into a more serious, deep feeling. This is an interest in appearance, in positive qualities that immediately catch the eye, in the presence of common hobbies.
• Love- stable sympathy that arises after rapprochement, closer acquaintance. Appears at the stage when people know each other well. This is an “immature” form of love, since there is still some illusoryness in it. As a rule, it coincides with the “candy-bouquet” period and the peak of the hormonal surge.
• Love- conscious deep love. The disadvantages of a person or a relationship with him are perceived adequately. There is no ignoring, silencing, avoiding here. There is no dependence, affects, fanaticism.

An approximate gradation of these states can be expressed in the following phrases:

• “You have beautiful eyes. Do you like comics too? Cool. Let's talk some other time"- sympathy.
• "How I adore you! You are my Everything. I can’t imagine my life without you”- love.
• “Even though we have disagreements and have many differences, you make me a better person.”- Love.

Sometimes the line is very thin, so falling in love can easily be confused with love. But the latter lasts longer and is much less susceptible to selfishness, whims, and impulses.

Is there love at first sight?

In general, people fall into two categories:

• those who are looking for an ideal couple (“soul mate”, betrothed/betrothed, destiny);
• those who create their own ideal relationship with any suitable partner.

The first ones hope more for compatibility - psychological, physical, everyday, even zodiac. The second are practitioners who believe that ideals are not found, but created. But who is right?

Partially both. On the one hand, there are thousands of situations where people feel “chemistry” already at the first meeting, and then live happily in love and harmony. On the other hand, despite the strength of emotions at the first meeting, love comes later. Loving people know their loved ones well. Deep knowledge cannot be achieved after the first conversations. That is, serious feelings still require time and communication.

Can love hurt?

It turns out yes. Moreover, we are not talking about an affective, unhealthy state, but about a completely adequate version of feelings.

American scientists conducted an experiment involving 50-80 year old people who had lost their partners. The study found that the subjects had an increased risk of cardiovascular disease and inflammatory processes. The threat of death in such people was increased by 41% .

And for patients with poor health, strong, even positive emotional outbursts (constant) have the same effect as chronic stress.

To reduce the risk, just turn to, start practicing yoga or learn to take time for yourself. And for younger people to believe that love is not as rare as it is described in novels. You can fall seriously in love several times in your life.

Love lasts 3 years?

The title of the book of the same name by the popular writer Frederic Beigbeder has almost become a catchphrase. Moreover, it is confusing, since in the novel itself this phrase is the self-hypnosis of the protagonist, and not a psychological fact.

However, statistics show that the three-year mark often becomes fatal and insurmountable for many couples. Why does this happen? The reason is hormones and attitude towards difficulties.

Changes in hormonal levels.

The first stages of communication between lovers cause them to produce serotonin, adrenaline, norepinephrine, endorphins, and dopamine. They also cause a feeling of “butterflies in the stomach,” a pleasant shiver, an emotional upsurge, even to the point of insomnia and dizziness.

However, the effect of these hormones does not last forever. Over time, their production begins to clearly decline. And although oxytocin and vasopressin take over, such bright outbursts of emotions as before no longer occur. This decline is perceived by lovers as a withdrawal of feelings, so they sometimes decide to separate.

Working on relationships.

At the beginning of acquaintance, people, as a rule, try to show their best side, to hide their character flaws and bad habits. But soon the masks begin to fall off, and negative traits begin to appear more and more. It seems as if the person is radically changing for the worse. However, this is only a sign that he is relaxing more and revealing his true nature.

When there is a collision between two “I”s, accustomed to living only by their own rules, conflicts begin. By the third year of a relationship, couples often move in together, and in everyday life this junction is felt more acutely. A sharply increased number of quarrels is perceived as a reason for a breakup.

In fact love, as a result of the constant work of partners, lasts much longer. It is enough to perceive the difficult stage as a temporary difficulty. If you try to solve common problems rather than avoid them, a bright feeling will become a constant companion.

How to attract love into your life?

We will not talk about a specific variety, but about love as the surrounding atmosphere. How can you fill your life with positive vibrations, improve your relationships with loved ones, and even attract friendships or romance?

1. Be grateful for what you already have.

The ability to appreciate real achievements and existing gifts is a fairly important trait. And on the contrary, constant grumbling repels everyone and people. By enjoying what he has, a person improves his mood, becomes happier, smiles more often, and attracts all good things to himself like a magnet.

It is enough to mentally thank fate/God/the universe/yourself once a day for having health, a roof over your head, joyful moments, loved ones, friends. Even the opportunity to simply walk, breathe, enjoy nature, learn new things is already a reason to be grateful.

2. Get out of your comfort zone.

People who are accustomed to living according to one scenario rarely achieve significant success. And how can you get them if you want them, but don’t put in the effort?

Leaving your comfort zone does not mean jumping with a parachute or changing your country of residence. You can, of course, do this too, but in fact there are a lot of other ways to break up the routine:

• sign up for a course, a club, a section, even a one-time or;
• buy new clothes, different in style from everyday ones, get a new hairstyle, change your color;
• develop a good habit (plan your day, drink a lot of water, go to bed, get up at the same time, for example);
• change your usual routes to work, the store, or the hairdresser;
• go to a concert, fast food, exhibition, theater, cinema, club.

Another important feature: it is important to be on the street or in establishments among new people more often.

3. Love yourself.

So the first step for those looking for love is to pay attention to themselves. How to improve self-esteem? Take care of your own appearance, internal (spiritual, psychological, intellectual).

4. Give kindness.

No matter how harsh life and sarcastic skeptics are, the “boomerang rule” still applies. Good deeds, even just words, come back, bringing benefits. But not always in the expected way.

• the past is already filled pages,
• current time is an empty string,
• future - next sheets.

If you just re-read the pages you’ve written all the time, you won’t be able to get to new ones. And the blank line will remain unfilled. Therefore, closing old ones, leaving the past behind is a necessity. Then life will give you pleasant changes.

At first glance, love seems quite understandable, a feeling familiar to everyone. But if you dig deeper, secret facets, complex parts, and the deep meaning of its existence are revealed. It requires awareness, does not tolerate falsehood, but in return gives unearthly happiness. For some it is an ideal, for others it is the fruit of hard work. But hardly anyone will deny its importance and indispensability.

The topic that we will carefully discuss today is as old as felt boots. Great poets, composers, artists racked their brains over this question... Everyone understood it in their own way and found their own answer to this question. But their children, and their children's children, and everyone on the planet still wonders -

WHAT IS LOVE?

Even when we were little, we had notebooks called “diaries”, and in them we wrote down all our innermost dreams, secrets, etc. So, in these diaries you can find different concepts of love.

Love is when I think about you 60 seconds a minute. Love is when I walk down the street and the smile on my face never disappears. Love - This is when life without you loses all meaning. Love is when sometimes you want to brew two cups of coffee in the morning, even though I’m alone. Love is a vase, and a vase is glass... Glass things break easily!

In general, what I want to say is that the words are beautiful, they make your head spin, but understanding…. Oddly enough, even scientists decided to delve into the depths of this issue. They believe that there are some particles in our body that are supposedly responsible for our feelings. But a question arises FOR WHAT?

All this is very difficult and I consider it a useless exercise, because everyone experiences this feeling in their own way. Love is considered a deeper feeling that touches our heart than the feeling of falling in love and affection, and, strange as it may seem, also passion. Therefore, when you are going to meet your “ideal”, try to penetrate his mind and try to recognize it - will it develop into something bigger and brighter feeling or will it dissolve like soda in vinegar.. In order to make it easier for me to explain to you how not to miscalculate your chance in life, I will tell you about the main things of this fundamental feeling.

What is love built on?

I’ll tell you right away that this is not molding in a sandbox, it requires patience and perseverance.

And so our first point is CARE. When you love, you always want to protect a person - take care of him. Guys protect their girls from unpleasant types, are always ready to listen to their beloved, and girls, in return, happily prepare soup, select a wardrobe, and gently stroke the head if their beloved has any troubles. The most important thing, of course, is not to cook borscht, but to take care of his emotions and feelings.

But there may be a danger hidden here, which in psychology is called overprotection. This is when your girlfriend forgets about love and only turns on the caring function. An example from life.

The girl called her boyfriend with different questions, such as: How are you feeling? Does your head hurt? I gave you a pill, please take it. And do you love me? Did you take it with you today? Am I not annoying to you yet? And I asked the question 200 times: Are you sure you’re not tired of it? I'll come to you today. I'll bring my 33rd gift this week. Because I love you so much!

Caring is a very broad concept, but in short it means protecting another from pain. Including those that you can cause yourself.

RESPONSIBILITY. If you love, it means you are responsible for the one you love. But do not forget that responsibility can only be voluntary! Because if you think that you should because you have love, then this is not a feeling, but a duty - since I love, it means I have to. Never adhere to this point of view; as a consequence, nothing good will come of it. Remember to be responsible during an argument. If you think that responsibility is not shared equally among all participants, then you are deeply mistaken. This means that your fault in the dispute is exactly the same as that of your opponent.

To be responsible is to grow up: to be responsible for your words and actions, to accept the feelings and thoughts of another, to be able to sacrifice something for the benefit of relationships. In general, a whole science that it’s time to start learning now.

KNOWLEDGE. This is the main foundation in our case. Without it, neither care nor responsibility is possible. As strange as it may sound, it is true. To know what kind of person is in front of you, you need to constantly study him. What kind of music does he prefer, what does he like, what do they value in people, etc. Just don’t bombard the guy with all these questions on the first day of the date. Study your partner throughout your life. Every day there is something new and interesting. Just be careful and try to be sincerely interested in the person opposite.