A way out of emotional dependence for men. Emotional dependence on a man or a woman: how to get rid of it? Emotional addiction

Surely, every person dreams of finding a divine gift - love and a strong, happy relationship with a partner. Some take a long time, others quickly meet their soul mate and gain wings when their heart is struck by Cupid's arrows. A person in love strives to win the sympathy and respect of her chosen one, makes efforts to ensure that the other half is happy and content. Loyalty, kindness, care, initiative, attention are reliable companions of love that help to find and maintain joy in relationships.

However, there are certain individuals in whom their feelings for their companion take on a pathological form, turning into debilitating and obsessive emotional dependence. For such people, love loses its true meaning: it ceases to bring joy, deprives one of self-confidence, and kills an independent personality. Emotional dependence on a man turns a woman into a powerless slave who has neither the right to vote, nor her own opinion, nor personal desires.

Despite our emancipated age, the problem of emotional attachments is a common situation in society. Persons caught in the network of abnormal passion and hypertrophied attachment are strongly distinguished from other people by a dull look, lack of self-confidence, and passivity in life.

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Emotional addictions: why is abnormal passion for a partner harmful?

Why are emotional addictions scary? Unnatural attachment to a partner is a green-eyed monster with abnormal suspicion, groundless jealousy, and wounded pride. Emotional addictions are harmful obsessive states, similar to other abnormal passions: drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction. Pathological attachment to a man deprives a person of common sense, incinerates the spiritual world and destroys a harmonious personality.

A person who is emotionally dependent on a man makes constant demands on her life partner, demanding his presence nearby 24 hours a day. With excessive attachment to a partner, a person dissolves in the world of another person and has no desires or personal goals of his own. Such a person looks at life through the eyes of his chosen one, abandons his interests and hobbies. Emotional attachment to a man forces women to quit their studies, leave their jobs and stop building a career.

A woman suffering from emotional dependence on a man has a limited number of social contacts. She stops communicating with her friends, does not contact former classmates, does not meet with colleagues and minimizes visits to relatives.

A person with an emotional attachment tends to have a very unattractive characteristic. Such a person is overly suspicious and suspicious, he reacts extremely painfully to criticism addressed to him, and is deeply offended by the comments of other people. A common trait of such a person is dissatisfaction with all aspects of reality. Often he fiercely hates those around him because they are successful, joyful, and happy.

A person with emotional dependence has extremely low self-esteem. He denies his own individuality, does not notice his existing advantages, and ignores the presence of positive skills and abilities. He feels inferior, does not believe in his own strength and believes that he is not worthy of normal human relationships.

A negative consequence of emotional dependencies in relationships is the natural loneliness of a person. Often a person, tired of mental pain, decides to stop close contacts and breaks off relations with her loved one. Or the partner, tormented by nagging and jealousy, simply leaves the dependent person for a more confident lady.

Emotional addictions: what causes pathological passion

Slavish attachment in a relationship is an illogical and meaningless paradox. Despite the fact that emotional addictions are based on a person’s good intentions - to give a man attention and love, pathological passion distorts the whole essence of the most beautiful feeling - love. A person who is captured by emotional attachment mistakenly believes that loving requires sacrificing oneself. It is because of this misconception that many young ladies fall into voluntary slavery. A distorted understanding of the meaning of love leads many women to a destructive path, the end of which is personality degradation, depressive states, and obsessive fears. Many people who suffer from emotional dependence on a man are eternal patients of neurologists, psychologists and psychiatrists.

What causes pathological attachment in relationships? As a rule, emotional dependencies take root in the early childhood years of the future personality. A person's first acquaintance with the outside world occurs through his close interaction with his mother. It is precisely because of how the relationship develops between the baby and the mother that the psychological well-being of the person and his further style of communication in society depend.

If at the initial stage of life a child is faced with a lack of affection and coldness from his mother, then he has an unsatisfied need for love and attention. The parents' indifference and detachment from the child's inner world, ignoring his problems, and indifference to emerging difficulties give rise to an abnormal state - deficiency, which subsequently pushes the person to search for the source of unobtained sensations. The person strives with all his might to attract attention to himself, tries to “reach out” to the impregnable “object”.

Often, the more effort a baby makes to attract the attention of his parents, the more irritation he causes in his parents. Instead of maternal care, the parent addresses negative emotions to her offspring - irritation, aggression. However, despite the negative connotation of such messages, for an immature person such signs are much more pleasant than complete indifference.

Subsequently, the person loses the “filter” between the normal manifestation of attention and the demonstration of negativism. It is for this reason that many women become emotionally dependent on a cruel man and endure humiliation, insults, mockery and beatings with slavish submission. That is, for such persons it becomes the norm that they feel detachment, coldness and hostility from their partner.

Psychologists have found that most women who became emotionally dependent on a man were brought up in single-parent families, grew up with a drinking father, and witnessed frequent scandals in the family. This reason for the occurrence of abnormal attachment can be explained by the following features of the child’s psyche. Quite often, a little girl is more drawn to her father than to her mother. Feeling her father's care, the young charmer feels protected from adversity. At the same time, the little female gets her first experience in the erotic sphere from her father. It is dad who helps the girl feel feminine and loved. However, without positive reinforcement from the parent, the child develops a complex of uselessness. The lack of paternal attention leads to the daughter's insecurity, causing her to feel worthless and worthless.

Emotional addictions: how to get rid of abnormal passion

There is no doubt that emotional dependencies in relationships lead to the complete disappearance of personality and the transformation of a person into a faceless creature. However, there are proven ways to get rid of abnormal attachment once and for all. The main condition for ending slave bondage is to realize that the problem exists and admit that the existing relationship has gone beyond the boundaries of love.

Since it has been established that people who are trapped in emotional addictions are in most cases unable to get rid of pathological attachment on their own, they urgently need the help of a competent and experienced specialist. Psychotherapists and hypnologists can assist victims of passion.

During psychotherapy sessions, the doctor will help the patient gain a correct understanding of the situation and gain motivation to work to improve his own personality. A person gets the opportunity to reveal the features of his individuality and believe in his own uniqueness.

How to get rid of emotional dependence once and for all? The main task on the path to overcoming pathological passion is to establish the primary source that gave impetus to the loss of adequate self-esteem and loss of self-respect. Since the core of the problem is often hidden from the conscious sphere of a person, it is necessary to gain access to the deep parts of the psyche - the subconscious, which stores all information about the past. To work with the unconscious sphere of the psyche, the doctor immerses the client in a hypnotic trance - a state in which the control of consciousness over what is happening is temporarily turned off.

By removing the “guardianship” of consciousness, it is possible to discover the true instigator of emotional dependence. While in a hypnotic trance, a person re-experiences the situation that became the trigger for the formation of abnormal obedience. He interprets past events differently, removing traces of unpleasant episodes of life from memory.

During a hypnotic trance, the doctor carries out a specially designed suggestion - an installation aimed at forming positive elements of thinking at the subconscious level of a person. After hypnosis sessions, the patient gains true self-esteem and accepts himself as a person. He gets rid of fears, anxiety, self-doubt. He is abandoned by groundless ideas of guilt and miserable thoughts about the meaninglessness of existence.

Hypnosis gives a person fresh vital energy, evokes a true desire to live and act for his own good. After hypnotic sessions, the individual removes the painful label of “victim”, becoming a full-fledged creator of his own destiny. He begins to act as the master of life - free from prejudices, false attitudes and obsessive fears.

Hypnosis is a universal tool that helps you get rid of emotional dependence without burning your soul with suffering. The obvious advantage of hypnosis techniques is their painlessness, comfort, speed of achieving the desired result, and durability of the achieved effect.

Educational program on hypnosis

Ready to dial, stop. State your request clearly. Please first look at articles on hypnosis in order to have a clear understanding of the phenomenon and perhaps dispel fears and myths.

Man is an absolutely social being who cannot live without various social contacts and attachments. It is not for nothing that many philosophers around the world have noted that happiness is not in money, but in the people who surround us. Our sense of self directly depends on the quality of relationships with friends and loved ones. But sometimes a “distortion” begins in this area, and an emotional attachment is formed. It makes you forget about your own interests and completely “dissolve” in someone else. You can read more about this addiction and how you can fight it in this article.

What is emotional dependence

There are many things in human life that are good, but, taken to extremes, can cause great harm. This includes emotional attachment. Initially, this mechanism helps us survive from birth. The first bond is formed between the baby and his mother. The body of an adult and a child tunes into each other, as a result of which the mother can understand the desires of the child and satisfy his needs. Until 2-3 years of age, mother and child are in fusion, and the baby does not perceive himself as a separate person. It is a survival mechanism that allows a defenseless child to grow up in a dangerous world. But after 2-3 years, separation processes begin, and every year the child becomes more and more a separate personality. However, due to a number of reasons, this process may be disrupted.

If in the first year of a child’s life a warm and strong connection was formed between him and his parent, then in his future life, most likely, he will be accompanied by a warm and trusting relationship. But if at this age something went wrong, the child was separated from his mother or the connection was not fully formed, then the baby will be left with unconscious patterns and experiences that will affect all relationships in later life.

Emotional attachment influences the mental structure and determines its stability or instability. If an external or internal threat appears in the life of an adult, this model is activated. It also happens that an adult does not completely separate from his parents, but simply transfers emotional attachment to his partner or friend. In this case, infantilism only harms, not allowing a person to lead a full and autonomous life.

Signs

Emotional dependence on a person is quite difficult to recognize in the initial stages. And when a person can no longer imagine himself without another, it seems to him that everything is in order. In this way, psychological defenses are activated that protect the nervous system from unnecessary stress. Therefore, it is doubly important to know the signs of the disease, which will help identify the addiction to the person himself.

• You constantly lack attention and communication with a specific person. Even if you spend a lot of time together, when you break up you feel sad and think about him all the time.
• You begin to attribute your feelings and desires to someone else. In conversation this is usually expressed as “we want”, “we will go”, etc. This is a clear sign of merging with another person.
• All your interests begin to revolve around your loved one or partner. Even in meetings with other people, you constantly discuss his actions, character, words, etc.
• Possessive feelings and unreasonable jealousy are a sure sign of emotional dependence on another. After all, others seem to be trying to take away your time that you could spend together. This is why wives often forbid their husbands from seeing their friends and gradually limit their social circle.
• Idealization of a partner and refusal to notice obvious shortcomings (for example, alcoholism or squandering).
• Complete dependence on the opinion of another person. Many emotionally dependent people can radically change their image to suit the standards of another person. In dependent relationships between children and parents, this usually appears as a need to follow all advice and instructions, trying to present oneself in the best possible light, to the detriment of one's own needs.
• Planning of long-term and short-term goals is not carried out without the participation of the latter. At the same time, any change or refusal to carry out the plan is perceived as an attempt to break the existing emotional connection.
• Your relationship becomes a burden, but you can’t imagine yourself without it. Due to the pathological nature of dependent relationships, people simply cannot feel happy in them. Usually short periods of joy are followed by long quarrels and squabbles, during which the dependent person feels fear and helplessness.
• In the extreme stages of addiction, nothing can bring a person happiness or joy. Only communication with a loved one can dispel the clouds over your head. This is a sure sign that drastic measures need to be taken.

Causes

Emotional attachment is formed in the first year of a baby’s life. During this period, the child develops an idea of ​​how everything works in the world. Is it safe? Is he loved in this world? Are his wants and needs met? It is this period that has a huge impact on the rest of a person’s life. If the need for love and affection has not been properly satisfied, then all his life a person will look for love and affection, care not in himself, but in other people. He will project onto other people the role of an “ideal parent” who should take care of and care for them. People with emotional dependence seek unconditional acceptance and dissolution from him, similar to that experienced by the beloved children of their parents. They are accepted with all their flaws and whims and continue to be loved. However, unlike children, such traits in adults no longer cause tenderness, and no one seeks to take responsibility for the well-being and complete satisfaction of all the desires of another, even a loved one.

There are periods in a person’s life when emotional dependence becomes the norm and does not require treatment. In addition to childhood, there is another one - the so-called period of “candy-bouquet” relationships, during which lovers sometimes cannot tear themselves away from each other. At this time, the body produces happiness hormones - dopamine and endorphin, which lock on another person and force you to seek meetings with him again and again. But this is considered normal only under several conditions:

• Your feelings are mutual.
• The other person is looking for meetings just as much as you are.

After several months of a relationship, passions, as a rule, subside and partners again become interested not only in each other, but also in the world around them. If this period drags on, then all other interests gradually fade, the person has only one interest left - his beloved, and emotional dependence gradually forms. As a rule, in the final stages of addiction it is no longer possible to fight your addiction on your own, so it is better to stop addictions of any kind in the initial stages. The following factors can be the causes of emotional dependence:

• Early death of parents or guardians.
• Difficult childhood.
• A traumatic event that occurred in childhood (violence, death).
• Low self-esteem.
• Infantilism.
• Inexperience.

Kinds

Before you begin to fight addiction, you need to decide what type of addiction you are susceptible to. The emotional characteristics of addiction may differ depending on the attachment figure.

• Attraction to gambling.
• Emotional dependence on parents.
• Religious addiction.
• Sexual addiction.
• Dependence on the opinions of strangers.
• Dependence on coaches, managers, bosses - that is, people who have more experience in some area.
• Emotional dependence on husband or wife.

All of the above types of addiction are united by the desire to transfer responsibility for oneself to another person or group of people and to feel safe at the expense of the care and protection of another, often to the detriment of other areas of one’s life.

Dealing with addiction on your own

How to get rid of emotional dependence in a relationship?

The human psyche is an amazingly complex mechanism that has been formed over many thousands of years. Its main task is to ensure our survival and avoid possible stress. It is structured very simply - the body rewards what brings us pleasure and forces us to avoid what is ready to cause us harm. The problem is that addiction causes us harm, but a defense mechanism is triggered and as a result, a person experiences more pleasure the more he dissolves in another. The very first and most important step in the fight against any addiction is recognizing the addiction itself. And here many people are unable to face reality. Most believe that they simply love a person too much, and this is not a harm, but a benefit. Stereotypes in society encourage this idea of ​​love relationships. How to get rid of emotional dependence on a person?

1. Make a firm decision to take back your life. Only by fully taking responsibility for your emotional and physical state will you be able to develop further as a person. While you are merging with another, he decides for you what aspects of life are interesting to you and what is best for you to do. Autonomous life is much more difficult, but also more productive, and most importantly, you have freedom and independence.
2. Answer yourself this question: do you want to try to maintain your existing relationship or would it be easier for you to break it off completely? Your further actions will depend on this.
3. If you can’t get beyond the first step, then just imagine your life in 5, 10, 15 years if you leave everything as it is. Often this is enough to stop relying on another person.
4. Getting rid of emotional dependence is impossible without support. This can be not only your loved ones and friends, but also interests and hobbies, work, hobbies. Perhaps during the period of getting rid of addiction you will find yourself merging with another person - it is better not to allow this and limit yourself to the friendly support that others are ready to provide you with.
5. Write down for yourself the prospects for liberation from addiction. Imagine how free and independent you will become.

Dependence on other people is unpleasant primarily because your well-being and mood depend not on yourself, but on another person. If a dependent participant in a relationship does not receive enough attention from the object of his dependence, life literally loses its meaning for him. This is a pathological condition that needs to be eliminated as soon as possible. If you are just starting out, following simple steps can help you. What do experts recommend?

• Don't put on other people what you can do yourself. Some tasks are unpleasant and difficult to do yourself. But this is the only way to increase self-esteem and become a completely independent person.
• Don't do their work for others. One of the steps to fighting addiction is setting clear boundaries. If you are asked to perform some task that is not within your competence, say a firm “no”.
• The ability to reflect and analyze one's behavior is an important part of psychotherapy. Stop from time to time and ask yourself: “Why did I do this?”, “What feelings did I experience?” Over time, you will learn to understand the hidden motives of your actions and satisfy your needs in a natural way.
• Don't get carried away by guilt and don't despise yourself. During addiction, a person may make mistakes for which he will later be ashamed. Treat yourself with understanding - after all, most likely, in those situations you simply could not do otherwise.
• Try to raise your self-esteem. Success at work or in the creative field helps a lot with this.
• Accept that most things that happen are beyond your control. Many things in our world are unfair and do not obey the laws of logic. You can only influence yourself, but not the people around you or certain events.

Who to contact for help

As with other addictions, it is not always possible to cope with strong emotional attachment on your own. In this case, it is better to contact a professional. Psychologists and psychotherapists usually work with non-chemical addictions. The mechanism of addiction is the same in most cases. Very often, people who get rid of one addiction switch to another. Therefore, the principle of working with all pathological attachments is based on the same principles. How to get rid of emotional dependence on a woman or man? It is necessary to find out why exactly the addiction was formed. During sessions with a psychotherapist, the specialist studies in detail situations from childhood and later life that could contribute to the development of emotional dependence.

To combat addiction in different situations, psychologists recommend different things: in some cases, it is better to quickly break off relations with the object of addiction, especially if the situation threatens the life or health of the patient. In other cases, it is easier to remain in a dependent relationship, but gradually begin to build a platform for a new life. The main work, as usual, is carried out not in consultations with a specialist, but in everyday life. An addicted person will have to rebuild his entire life and form an independent “I” in order to get rid of the addiction. What is usually included in a standard emotional addiction recovery plan?

• Recognizing yourself as an addict.
• Reassessment of one's own personality qualities.
• Finding and understanding your “weak” places where you need help from another person.
• Find activities that you can enjoy.
• Reconsider and rebuild your life so that it does not revolve only around another person.
• Work through feelings and situations from childhood that cause you pain.

Dealing with addiction usually takes a lot of time. In most cases, it takes about a year to get a person back on his feet. Sessions are scheduled once or twice a week.

Psychological treatments

Most often, getting rid of addiction on your own is very difficult. How to overcome emotional dependence if you do not have the opportunity to see a specialist? You can try a number of psychological techniques that are used in psychotherapists' offices. The most famous of them is the “Burning Connections” technique. To get rid of emotional dependence faster, sit back and close your eyes. You should have 15-30 minutes free, during which no one will disturb you. Imagine in your mind a person with whom you have a dependent relationship. Then imagine threads that stretch from your body to his. Observe this picture from the side for a while, and then say goodbye to it and burn the threads. Sit quietly for a while afterwards with your eyes closed, meditating. Afterward, it would be best to drink a soothing drink and take a shower or hot bath. Using this technique several times a week, you can break free from addiction quite quickly.

There is another way to get rid of emotional dependence on a man. Write all your emotions on a piece of paper. Try to express all your complaints, pain, fear and love as fully as possible. Don't try to express these emotions to your partner or loved one. It would be much better to write such a letter “on the table” and later burn or destroy it. What points should be covered in it?

• Guilt.
• Anger and resentment.
• Positive emotions: gratitude, affection.
• Sadness and regrets.
• Fears and disappointments.

Medications

Since emotional dependence is not chemical, it is usually treated with sedative antidepressants, which are also prescribed for other problems with the psyche and nervous system.

Results

Emotional dependence in a relationship is a pathological attachment to a partner, friend or loved one. By confining himself to another person, the addict stops living his life. How to get rid of emotional dependence in a relationship? A course of personal psychotherapy and the help of loved ones will help you get rid of addiction and start enjoying life again.

Emotional dependence is negative behavior pattern which leads to serious personality disorders.

This condition has characteristic symptoms.

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Concept and types

What it is?

Emotional addiction- this is a state of pronounced psychological dependence on another person, whose opinions and words completely determine the emotional state of the subject himself.

Similar unhealthy attachment leads to the fact that a person is completely immersed in a relationship with the subject whom he has chosen as a “deity” and ceases to live his own life.

There are several options for emotional dependence.

From a person

If there is a strong attachment to another person, this other person is appointed as an “idol” that must be worshiped.

All words, deeds, actions of this person are standard. They completely determine the views of the victim of emotional dependence, her behavior, and desires.

As a result, completely the identity of the person himself is lost. He ceases to objectively evaluate himself as an independent subject. There is a merger with one’s “deity”, whose life and interests come to the fore.

From approval

A person can be dependent not only on the opinion of a particular object, but also on public opinion in general.

Desire to make a positive impression on others win approval These are typical traits of an emotionally dependent personality.

Such a person may initially choose a type of activity that is inappropriate for him, take on many extraneous responsibilities, forget about his own plans and desires for the sake of other people’s interests, etc.

Often such individuals do what no one demanded or even expected of them out of a desire to please and impress. Moreover, they act in a similar way not only among acquaintances, friends or colleagues, but also among complete strangers.

The desire to win the approval of others most often is based on the following aspirations:

• avoid loneliness;
• become in demand;
• fill the emptiness in your soul with emotions received from other people.

The main danger of such behavior lies in the fact that self-esteem is based not on one’s own ideas about oneself, but on the opinions and attitudes of other people.

From relationships

People in romantic relationships always depend on each other to some extent.

But when one of the partners becomes emotionally attached, the relationship ceases to be healthy.

A person suffering from a relationship makes her partner the meaning of her life.

There is a constant need for communication, attention, telephone conversations, etc. If the object of attachment becomes unavailable for any reason, a feeling of fear appears.

A person in , does not feel the fullness of life without his partner and does not feel complete. Ultimately this kind of thinking harms not only him, but also the object of his passion.

The second member of the couple bears the burden of responsibility for the happiness and tranquility of his dependent partner. He is forced to constantly be in touch, control his emotions, answer endless questions, etc.

Causes

The main reasons why emotional attachment occurs:

How to get away from emotional attachment?

Since such a state is negative, it is important to find ways out of it.

Treatment methods

You can achieve effective results using the following auto-training techniques:

If you cannot resolve the issue yourself using these methods, you should seek help from specialists.

In especially severe cases, emotional dependence can lead to serious depressive states that pose a danger to human health and life.

If necessary, the psychotherapist develops a treatment program that includes not only sessions, but also the prescription of antidepressants and tranquilizers.

“Drying” technique

You can eliminate the dependency using drying technique. Its use allows you to break the connection with the object of attachment.

It is necessary to retire to a quiet place and carefully consider the connection that exists with another person. You can try to visualize the image of this connection.

How does she look? Where does it start? What emotions does it evoke?

The answers to all these questions will allow understand true feelings, which the object of affection causes.

Then you should imagine that the connection is abruptly interrupted. Most likely, such an image will cause a feeling of discomfort. After this, it is important to identify the purpose of the communication. What does this connection provide?

Next you need imagine yourself from the position of “Super Self”. This is an improved version of the personality, which contains all the desired traits of the “idol”. It is important to feel this version of yourself and realize the possibility of its existence.

Now you need to re-imagine the break in the connection and instantly replace it with a new connection - with your “Super Self”. As a result, a new object appears on which you can rely.

It is important to feel gratitude for the connection left and imagine that part of it goes to the past object of affection. This will allow him to achieve the “Super Ego” state. In the end, the break will be a good thing for both parties.

Last step - integration. Here there is a unification with an improved version of oneself, a transition to a new level of self-perception.

How to get rid of addiction?

Methods of getting rid of addiction are universal for men and women, but there are some differences taking into account the characteristics of the psychology of the sexes.

From a man

Women by nature created for families and children.

For this reason, they consider any relationship with a man from the point of view of starting a family in the future.

The increased emotionality of most women, their need for love and care often leads to strong attachment to the chosen one.

How to break an emotional connection with a man or husband? You can get rid of it as follows:

1. Remove responsibility from the man. It is important to realize that a man is not a source of stability and confidence.

   He is only a partner who complements the life of the original integral, versatile woman.

2. Get rid of fears. Constantly important (achievements, hobbies, self-care). Then the fear of losing a man will be replaced by calmness and self-confidence.
3. Avoid negative expectations. Often past negative experiences prevent you from building meaningful relationships in the future. You should block bad thoughts and not think about situations.

From a woman

Men, unlike women, are more focused on external achievements (career success, material wealth, etc.). Therefore, most often those men find themselves in emotional dependence who have not achieved much success.

Because of their insolvency they don't feel confident, they are afraid of losing their partner. How to get out of emotional dependence on a woman?

Options to solve the problem:

Thus, it is possible to get rid of emotional dependence. It is important to realize that existing relationships are negative and take steps to change the situation.

Emotional dependence in relationships - advice from a professional psychologist: