How to get your husband to have a frank conversation: instructions. How to talk openly about relationships How to start an honest conversation

Sometimes there comes a time in a relationship when one of the partners feels the need to speak out, but the fear of being misunderstood, a sense of shame, pride, and sometimes basic politeness prevents them from starting a conversation.

Where does this feeling come from and why speak frankly at all, and most importantly, how to do it correctly?

As a rule, women tend to sort things out more often than men, since they are conventionally considered more emotional. Men, on the contrary, avoid heart-to-heart conversations in every possible way, considering this to be the lot of the weaker sex and a manifestation of male weakness. But in this way, without realizing it, they cause harm to themselves: after all, by suffering secretly, they endanger their mental health, not to mention relationships that are left to chance.

In fact, men are just as capable of being open as women, talking about themselves all night long. Deep down, they want to open up completely; you just need to create the conditions for this:

gain the trust of a partner;
find the right moment;
choose the right words.

What to expect from heart-to-heart conversations?

Sincerity is an enduring value, thanks to which it is easier for people to understand relationships with each other. At the same time, it is a tool that requires skills and abilities.

There are people for whom moments of revelation are very difficult. Realizing that holding negative emotions inside will never get rid of problems, they continue to stubbornly remain silent. The reason for this behavior lies in self-doubt, distrust of the partner.

In contrast, there is another extreme - people who abuse frank conversations. Unfortunately, their revelations are not aimed at the benefit of the relationship, but are rather a demonstration of their weaknesses. Thus, they try to relieve themselves of responsibility for the mistakes they have made.

Frank conversations can have different effects on relationships: they can alienate or bring people closer together. It all depends on the situation and on the ability to tactfully formulate your desires.

Lack of frankness in relationships leads to separation and alienation. This is a pattern.

By containing dissatisfaction and keeping silent about problems that make themselves felt, the couple can survive for some time. However, sooner or later the conflict will mature and reach such a peak point when the patience of one of them will burst, and the fermented mass of discontent will take the form of anger and burst out in the form of a stream of reproaches and insults, putting an end to the relationship.

If both partners are extremely patient and not aggressive, another option is possible: stagnation in the relationship, which will lead to imperceptible.

The purpose of frank conversation

It is always easier to prevent any problem than to deal with its consequences later and try to fix everything.
In cases where one feels good and the other suffers, restraint and patience are no longer virtues, but hypocrisy. Why?

Think for yourself: feel one thing, say another, do another - such self-sacrifice is unjustified even for the sake of preserving the family.

Frank conversations, on the contrary, help strengthen healthy relationships. And this is not a whim, as some people think, but a method of solving problems, relieving tension and good conflict prevention.

The main thing is to learn to do it correctly, without infringing on yourself or others.

What's the best way to start?

Sometimes, a good start can lead the whole conversation in the right direction and bring relief to both partners - this is ideal.

It is best to take your time and choose the appropriate moment when both are calm and ready to talk.

Avoid tense, harsh phrases like “we need to talk,” which can immediately build a wall between the participants in the conversation.

Formulate the same thing a little differently: “I wanted to tell you something,” “I can talk to you.” I’m worried…” so that the partner feels a sincere note in the voice, the caring gaze of a loved one.

Make your feelings known

That's why it's so important to be able to speak. Hints, even the most obvious ones, can be ignored or misunderstood due to the peculiarities of male perception.

Once you have started, tell your partner what you feel, what worries you about yourself or about him. What are you afraid of, what solution do you see, offer a choice of options.

Then let your partner speak: be prepared for the fact that he will need time to think a little longer than you expect.
It is important to listen to the person to the end, to see the situation through his eyes.

put your demands in the form of a request or a wish if you want your partner to listen to you: frank direct demands and frank conversation are far from the same thing. Claims can harm relationships because they have the nature of nagging;
keep in mind that a man is more vulnerable than a woman, try so that your criticism does not hurt his self-esteem;
be honest and frank yourself, you cannot force your partner to be frank with cunning tricks, playing with feelings.

Some men avoid frank conversations with their partners in every possible way, considering them useless and leading to nothing good, and they find many different reasons for this. So, you want emotional communication, but your chosen one is shying away? Let's figure out how to get a man to talk.

From this article you will learn:

• Why is it difficult to get a man to have a frank conversation?
• Discussing what topics men are afraid of
• What to do before you take a man out for a conversation
• What words should you avoid when talking to a man?
• How a woman should behave when talking to a man

Representatives of the stronger sex are more proud than women. Because of the fear of showing their weakness to their chosen one, of being ridiculed and misunderstood, they try to deal with problems on their own, without sharing their experiences with their partner, thereby erecting a wall of alienation between themselves and their beloved. This applies to a greater extent to intimate relationships. Here a man needs a woman's positive assessment. A lady should not forget that if her lover is afraid of falling in her eyes by saying something wrong, she will not expect frankness from him.

Perhaps a man avoids a heart-to-heart conversation because he is scared of the expected topics. Which of them are undesirable?

• Frank conversation about betrayal.

If spouses cannot be frank with each other, misunderstanding between them grows, which leads to quarrels, understatement, and disunity. But the desire to love and be loved has not gone away. Having experienced a lack of warmth and tenderness from their partner, they look for a replacement outside the family.
What should you do if this happens? You should think about how to get a man to talk about relationships, and then, of course, pour out your soul to each other. Infidelity will be repeated if husband and wife do not learn to understand. Don’t be afraid to talk about your preferences and desires, including in your intimate life. But at the same time, there must be confidence that the partner will listen and not judge, otherwise a truthful conversation will not take place, because it is much easier to invent something and lie.

Be prepared to understand and forgive such a mistake as adultery, otherwise you won’t get frankness. It is very difficult to hear that at some point someone else was preferred over you. Having a heart-to-heart conversation, try to understand the reason for the betrayal, find out what you both want your family life and relationships to look like. Perhaps it will be possible to restore happiness in marriage.

• Frank conversation about sex.

Sexual relationships are an important part of family life, and they should be harmonious. If partners have different views on the intimate sphere, and desires and needs are not met, it is difficult to build a happy union. Everything will help to improve a heart-to-heart conversation, when two loving people openly talk about their preferences and sexual fantasies. Don’t be shy, express your thoughts openly and remember that you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

Look what happens when a man and a woman avoid talking about sexual issues -

Partners discussing sexual preferences should tell the truth without hiding anything. If at first you find it difficult to conduct such a conversation, be sure to learn if you want. The listening party must be sensitive. Let your significant other speak without interrupting. Do not laugh, do not condemn or reproach, never use what you hear against someone who dared to be frank.

How to get a man to have a frank conversation

Sometimes it is not possible to bring a man to a frank conversation, but you feel that in the current situation you cannot do without it. Considering the peculiarities of the chosen one’s psychology, do not blame him for not wanting to talk, but try to cheat a little.

Marital relations are a constant joint work of a man and a woman, during which, as a rule, they discuss important life moments. Everything that worries one partner should be listened to and perceived by the other. Playing with one goal is unacceptable. If a man is not moved by your problems, question the seriousness of his intentions.

Basic rules for frank conversation

Frankness helps partners understand the relationship. But the result of heart-to-heart conversations is not always positive, and spouses move away from each other even more. It all depends on the situation in which they find themselves, how developed the ability to conduct a truthful conversation is, on the degree of tactfulness in formulating desires.



Some men and women have a hard time bringing themselves to speak frankly. Even realizing that unresolved problems have accumulated, as they say, through the roof, and they cannot be resolved silently. This happens if a person was haunted by some fears in childhood, as well as if there was a lack of trust in a partner and confidence in one’s abilities.

There are others who, during the conversation, splash out on the chosen one everything that is necessary and not. Usually people behave this way when they are trying to free themselves from responsibility for committing unpleasant actions. But excessive sincerity only shows weaknesses, and does not contribute in any way to improving the relationship between a man and a woman.

• Don't remember past grievances.

Very often women behave incorrectly during dialogue. The relationship between the spouses is already tense, and they begin to remember how and when their partner offended them, where he miscalculated. The man immediately withdraws into himself, since there is enough negativity in real life, and he doesn’t want to feel guilty for what happened before.

And if he, moreover, realizes that you are inclined to share family problems and will continue to reproach you with the revelations you have heard, you will not get the truth from your partner. Understand, you need to establish real relationships, and not look back at the past, and if you remember something, then in a calm atmosphere.

After all, the negativity that you went through together did not divide your union. This means that you will understand the current situation. Perhaps an analysis of the years you have lived with your partner will help. Calmly remember (you can write down) what was painful and the role that each of you played then. Decide how you would behave in your partner’s place, try to see not only the fault of your chosen one in the deterioration of the relationship, but also your mistakes. And don't come back to this again. What happened is past.

Forgive your loved one, and do it with all your heart, sincerely. If you are not tormented by resentment, life and love will sparkle with bright colors. Believe me, over time, bad things are forgotten and lose their significance.

Some ladies, wanting to never be left with a sense of stability and security, live with rose-colored glasses, not delving into family problems and what is going on in their partner’s soul. Even if they suspect something, they can ask their chosen one a question of interest, but they immediately determine that they do not want to hear something that could upset or disappoint them. Men feel this and, of course, do not tell the truth. Why throw your friend off balance and cause yourself possible inconvenience? So they live from year to year, unaware of the experiences of their half and silent about their own. Only sometimes comes surprise at the partner’s closedness and the inability to bring the man into a sincere conversation.




You should not create a standard for a man and his behavior, as women often do. Try to accept the present one who is nearby, with his habits and weaknesses. Do not hint to your partner that you are avoiding understanding some components of his life because they are unpleasant to you. Perhaps, if you behave this way, the family hearth will burn with a brighter flame.

• Be honest with yourself.

Are you deceiving yourself, are you being sincere with your partner? Only with a positive answer will there be a chance to bring the man into an open conversation.

Having understood yourself and forgiven for the mistakes you have made, gradually encourage your partner to be frank. Of course, people are not inclined to change behavior formed during life. For example, if a young girl was often humiliated, she will do the same to men as an adult. It is very difficult, but it is necessary to overcome yourself and not transfer the burden of negativity into a new relationship. The chosen one is not responsible for what you experienced earlier. Treat him with respect, build your happiness through sincerity and mutual understanding.

Do not skimp on your feelings, give your partner attention, support, kindness and love. They usually come back a hundredfold. But it happens that you won’t get anything good in response from your chosen one, and such behavior becomes a reason for conflicts. Believe me, this is not the end of the world. Firstly, a man can change for the better. And if this does not happen, look around - suddenly fate has prepared a gift for you in the form of a new relationship, and the person who is next to you is simply a stranger.

Do you want a decent man? Then remember this phrase: “I like you, I’m interested in you.”

There is a myth that you don’t need to confess your sympathy to a man, he himself must take the first step, under no circumstances should you take the first step. When someone chooses you, then you will choose him. And you don’t have to choose anyone first. And I like it because a lot of girls think like that. It is very scary for them to take the first step. But providing for a man when he lives at her expense, when he is a gigolo, when he is lying on the couch, cannot provide for children - this is normal. But the first step is no, what are you talking about? Therefore, if you want a normal man, you should be able to pronounce this phrase or at least write it on social networks: “Hello, I liked you,” “Hello, I liked you as a man,” “Hello, I am interested in you as a man.” This is the first phrase, write it down for yourself, and, of course, try it. Right now you can use it somewhere on social networks, in SMS, in messenger, in Viber.

• End the conversation on a positive note.

If you managed to bring the man to a sincere conversation, make it clear that the relationship is dear to you, you dream of a happy continuation, and you will go to great lengths to resolve any conflicts.

The main thing in a conversation is the right, positive attitude.

Remember: by talking frankly, answer the questions that have been bothering you, strengthen your relationship with your partner and begin to develop them without repeating the mistakes you made.

In any case, it is necessary to pour out your soul to each other. And the conversation should not be perceived as a problem, let it become one of the ways out of the crisis that has matured in the relationship.

It would be good if frank conversations became commonplace. Any situation can be taken under control by sitting at the table of peaceful negotiations. If this becomes a tradition in the family, not a single serious storm will become a reason for separation.

Thank you for reading this article to the end.

Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.

More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.

My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!

A frank conversation is perhaps the only effective way to resolve contradictions in a relationship. The situation is complicated by the fact that men are not inclined to be frank. This is absolutely normal and should be treated as such. There is no need to blame a man for not wanting to talk to you, it’s not about you, but about the peculiarities of male psychology.

However, there are situations when frank. And to attract a man to him, you can use some psychological tricks.

Choose the right place and time

A heart-to-heart conversation is a very personal matter. It should take place in the most comfortable conditions for a person. All men are different, the right mood can occur in the car, at home in front of the TV, while walking - it all depends on the character and temperament of your man. Analyze his behavior and remember those cases when he was in the mood for a conversation, and then simply provoke a similar situation.

Do not forget also that any conversation will be doomed to failure if the man is hungry. Therefore, it is worth taking into account his emotional state. Choose a moment when he is calm but not too relaxed, because if the conversation is important to you, you don't want him to fall asleep during it.

We don’t escalate the situation

It’s hard to imagine more with a man than: “I have a serious conversation with you.” If you start with such phrases, be sure that the man will immediately withdraw, be tense and take a defensive position, which means that frankness is out of the question.

Start from afar, do not escalate the situation with pompous phrases and do not be dramatic. Try to speak simply and clearly, and most importantly, calmly. A man will inevitably adapt to your dialogue tactics and, most likely, will open up. Try to maintain a positive attitude in the conversation, even if the subject of the conversation does not make you happy.

We step back and give him time to reflect.

Be prepared for the fact that dialogue may not work out right away. A man may need time to think things through or make a decision. Don't deny him that time - back off and don't put pressure on him. However, you should not leave it alone completely, because in this case you will not get the desired result. Ask him how much time he needs, and when it's up, try again for constructive dialogue. In most cases it will be successful.

Relationships are always cooperation, which involves discussing some important things. , talk to your man and let him know that feedback is important to you. If he ignores all your attempts to talk, then you should seriously think about how seriously he takes you.

Today, many married couples are thinking about the question: how to protect the family from a split in the relationship? How not to waste love and tender feelings over the years? How to maintain understanding? To answer these questions, it’s worth thinking about what helps save all this? One of the methods for building a happy family life, no matter how trite it may sound, has always been and is frank conversations.

Frank conversation with my husband

It’s good when spouses are similar to each other in many ways: they have the same culinary preferences, a similar attitude to life, and the same desires and dreams. But such an idyll is rare. And most couples have to find out, question, adapt, compromise. After all, this is how a happy family life is built. On mutual concessions, on agreements, understanding the other person, accepting him as he is. And here you cannot do without a frank conversation with your husband or wife.

After all, how often do we see tension in relationships among the families of our acquaintances, friends or relatives, we feel that it is as if a wall has been erected between the spouses. They find it difficult to find common ground. Although they have been living together for a long time, and should have gotten to know each other well over this long period. But they are more like people who have just met, who know absolutely nothing about each other. Why is that?

The spouses have not learned to speak frankly, to express what is “in their souls.” A frank conversation with a husband or wife is a bridge between two accomplished individuals who have decided to sail in the same boat along the river of life. Frank conversation brings spouses closer together. Couples who, from the very beginning of their relationship, have learned to talk about their desires, tastes and preferences, have stronger families. They know what their loved one likes and what they don’t. Where would the spouse like to go for a weekend getaway, and where does he feel out of place.

Open conversations also help to talk about negative feelings or experiences. After all, we are so often afraid, we cannot or do not know how to tell our loved one that we don’t like them. And is it important! It is important to talk about both the good and the bad.

Knowing what irritates a husband or wife, what enrages them, and what offends them, we are guided by this knowledge and try to do what pleases our spouse. This strategy helps build a family home where love, understanding, respect and tenderness reign. And this cannot be done without frank conversations.

Spouses who do not know how to speak honestly and openly about themselves create an abyss between themselves of constant resentment, misunderstanding, disappointment, and sometimes even hatred. How can such a couple be happy? But everyone wants to come home to a loving and beloved person.

Frank conversation about cheating

Very often, without learning to speak frankly, spouses do not get what they expected from family life. Constant quarrels and omissions based on misunderstanding alienate husband and wife. But they still want affection, tenderness and love. Not receiving this in the family, they look for satisfaction of their needs on the side.

What should those couples do who stumbled and cheated? The answer is simple: learn to speak frankly and tell about your mistake. You should know that misunderstanding in the family provokes betrayal. But this can be fixed! By learning to talk about your preferences and desires, you will be able to talk about your sexual fantasies, knowing that you will be listened to. After all, when we are afraid of condemnation, we are more likely to lie or hide the truth.

A frank conversation about betrayal is possible when the spouse, knowing about the mistake of a loved one, tries to understand and forgive him. Yes, it hurts! But having understood the reason for such an act of the husband or wife, having learned the motives why he or she did this, as well as how the husband or wife sees life in marriage, what he and she want their relationship to be like in the family, you can rebuild the family anew.

A frank conversation about infidelity can be the starting point of moving towards the family of your dreams.

Frank conversation about sex

From the words previously written, you learned that frank conversation about sex is inevitable if you want to have a harmonious relationship in marriage. It is important to be able to talk openly about your sexual fantasies. There's no shame in this. Sex is an integral part of the life together of a man and a woman. And disagreements, unsatisfied sexual needs and desires only destroy harmony in marriage.

Anyone can learn to have an open conversation about sex, desires, what they like and what they don’t. The only condition for the speaker is to be sincere. The only request to the listener is not to interrupt, try to understand, not to judge, not to reproach, not to ridicule, not to use what the husband or wife said against them. This way the speaker can be as sincere as possible.

How to lead to a frank conversation?

First, you can always ask directly. If your spouse does not want to answer a direct question with the same unambiguous, direct answer, you can resort to some tricks.

So, how can you get your husband or wife to have an open conversation if he or she doesn’t want to answer directly? First, choose a suitable environment: it should be calm, in a quiet place, secluded. No one should distract you. Tell your secrets or share your desires. It all depends on what you want to have an honest conversation about. By starting a conversation first, you show your interlocutor that you yourself are ready to talk about the secret, thereby stimulating him to reveal his thoughts.

But men are more secretive than women. And it can be much more difficult to bring the stronger sex into a frank conversation. Be guided by your husband’s mood, especially the positive one. When a person is in high spirits, it is easier to get him to have a frank conversation. So, you already know what role frank conversations play in the family. As you understand, the most important one.

There are certain ways to get a man to say what's on his mind. Ask him sneaky questions about what you think he's attracted to. If you're as experienced as I am, you can usually figure it out for yourself before he says it. But even I am sometimes surprised. One client wanted me to fill a hot water bottle with his cum, and he would pay me to use it on a cold night, and he could call me on the phone and ask: “Is my cum between your hot thighs, baby? " or something like that. Sometimes their dreams are unexpected.

But if a girl wants to know about her lover’s fantasies, she needs to ask him. But it needs to be turned into a guessing game so that the process excites her too. "Do you want to see me in stockings?" or “Do you want me to be your slave and fulfill all your demands?”

Men have misconceptions about women's feelings towards sex. They are raised to think that women are shy and bashful. And they hide their thoughts so as not to injure their wife or mistress, and all this time the wives or mistresses want to be fucked in some unusual way, with obscene conversations and thoughts. While men judge this wrongly, women need to rid them of these wrong thoughts. You can only suggest. “Come on, I’ll be your slave and satisfy you the way you want.” The man will feel more trust and respond with some obscene language. He may say: “Put your finger in my ass and suck my cock at the same time.” Thus, once you know his fantasy, you can give him the sexual satisfaction he wants. It's connected."

For those of you who are still holding back from helping your husband or lover fulfill his lustful and lewd dreams, it is worth saying that no male sexual personality (whether he admits it or not) is without unusual whims. Throughout the history of mankind, men whose public service and social worth leave no doubt have always had special erotic tastes that make the Marquis de Sade look like Tom Sawyer. Unusual sexual desires are not a sign of weakness or depravity, any more than unusual tastes in food, wine, music or hobbies are. Now is the time when we no longer think of sex as base instincts and treat it as a topic that is truly exciting and perfect, which two lovers can share. If your husband has unusual fantasies, it simply means that he has his own ideas about sex, and you should be happy about that. Otherwise, you will make love the same way you did last night - and for the next forty years.

What are the most common sexual desires of men, and how do prostitutes fulfill them for their clients?

One of the most powerful, undoubtedly, is violent possession. Men are violent creatures, and psychological research has recently discovered that when a man is motivated to act aggressively by fear and anxiety, the pleasure centers of the brain are also activated. This means that the more resistance the woman he wants to rape puts up, the more pleasure he experiences. if you want to take part in his rape fantasies, you need to follow certain rules. Louise, a 25-year-old prostitute from New York, highlights the most beneficial features of the rape technique.

"You need to be sure that your man wants to play rape. If you resist and refuse the act, and he is not in the mood to rape you, he will back off and pout. Men very often transmit the mood of women, much more often than women realize , and they are so easily offended. If a woman does not respond to his attempts, he will say: “Okay, if you don’t want to do it my way, we won’t do it at all.”

Even if he has a desire to rape, you need to be very careful so that everything goes well. It is necessary to bring him to the highest point of excitement, but in such a way that it is not easy for him, but not too difficult either. If it comes too easily to him, he will lose interest and excitement. When he tries to kiss you, turn away and resist, but do not break away from his hands. You can grab his hand tightly, dig your nails in, but don’t break free. Wiggle your hips and chest, this usually excites men.

Spend the entire fight lying down on something. Let yourself be thrown onto the bed, sofa, rug... There is nothing exciting when you fight while standing - everything takes on a stupid connotation. After all, you need sex, not victory in a fight with Muhammad Ali.

Scratch it, fight it, but don't hit it: hitting them will shock them and actually piss them off.

Keep your thighs tightly squeezed and resist when he tries to move them apart, but not so much that it's impossible. Also try not to make it too easy for him. There's another big "Don't": don't kick him or hit him in the balls. Not only will you lose sex that night, but he may also hit you back, and it will be very painful.

He spreads your thighs: squirm, move your legs as you do so. He rips your panties: gasp, scratch, move your hips. And when he finally manages to stick his cock into you, continue to scratch, pretend that you are in pain, and thrash around. Call him any words that come to mind like “Scoundrel! Monster!” But after a while, start to give in and say something like: “Oh, your cock is so big and hard, it’s tearing me apart!” or: "You're killing me!"

You can moan, press yourself against him, and if this does not help him reach the highest degree of arousal, then nothing will help. I saw my friend do all this with a client. If you do everything right and give up at the last moment, you will give him pleasure.