Lunch invitation sample. Etiquette for official receptions

2. Official receptions

In addition to the informal receptions described above, you may also be invited to formal events. They differ from unofficial visits primarily in their solemnity, and as a result, in greater strictness in observing the rules of etiquette.

If, in addition to those invited, uninvited guests can also come to an unofficial meeting, this is unacceptable at an official reception. The number of guests usually depends on the occasion of the reception. For example, both relatives and friends of the reception organizer can be invited to birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, farewells to the army, and so on, but to corporate party Usually only employees are invited.

Any official reception implies, first of all, an invitation to it. You can either accept the invitation or refuse it. In any case, you need to be able to do this correctly, while following the established rules of etiquette.

So, you have received an invitation to an official reception. Usually such invitations are sent to the guest 5-7 days before the celebration. Each invitation must indicate who is invited, where and for what reason. Invitation forms are usually purchased or made to order, but etiquette does not prohibit making them yourself.

There are several rules for issuing official invitations to any reception:

– the invitation indicates the name of the guest, and on invitations for especially special occasions the surname of the invitee is also indicated;

– an invitation to an official reception is usually written as follows: “(name of guest), (reception organizer) has the honor to invite you (or will be glad to see you) to (reception), which will take place at (place, date) at ... o'clock. Dress…";

– if a man is invited to the celebration, but it is assumed that a married couple will come, the wife’s name is indicated in the invitation for the husband. Separate invitations are not usually sent to wives. The husband's name is listed first;

– official invitations are always written in the third person, the expression “we have the honor to invite”, “we will be glad to see” is often used;

– Invitations should indicate the dress code and type of reception. This rule must be followed unconditionally.

In Korea, tea is considered a traditional drink; it is indispensable in any situation. Also in Korea there is such a drink as insamcha. This ginseng tea has rightfully become the real national pride of the country.

Having received an invitation to an official reception, you must respond to it as quickly as possible.

It is best to respond to an invitation immediately after receiving it or at least within 24 hours. You must respond regardless of whether you accept or decline the invitation.

The form of your response message depends on what kind of invitation you received. There are several ways to respond to an invitation to visit:

– write a letter or postcard;

- send business card;

- make a phone call.

It is preferable to respond to formal invitations by letter or postcard. You should also take into account the nationality of the reception organizer: in some countries, responding with a business card to an invitation to visit is considered more than tactless. If the invitation card contains a telephone number, etiquette recommends that you respond to the invitation by calling.

If you decide to respond to the invitation by letter, it can be written as follows: “(name) is very pleased to accept your invitation to (reception), which will be held at (place, (date)."

You can put your signature at the end of the response message, or you can do without it. The rules of etiquette in this regard are quite democratic.

If for any reason you are unable to accept the invitation, respond as follows: “(name) is very grateful to you for your invitation to (reception), which will be held at (place, date), but, unfortunately, cannot accept it due to a previously scheduled meeting for that day.”

In this case, it is also up to you to decide whether to sign the answer or not.

Remember that if you received an invitation from Anton and Alexandra Ivanov, then you need to respond to Anton and Alexandra Ivanov, and not to one of them. If the invitation is signed by two or more reception organizers, the person in whose house the celebration will take place must respond.

In the event that a married couple is invited to a reception, but one of them cannot come, the response message should indicate both the consent of one and the refusal of the other. This can be done in one letter.

If you decide to respond with a business card, then simply write on it whether you accept the invitation or not. But remember that, despite the fact that this form of response is quite popular in the West, it is not so common in Russia.

Etiquette also allows you to respond to an invitation card folded in half, supplementing the main text of the invitation with your response to it - agreement or refusal.

Sometimes the invitation states that you only need to respond if you refuse. In this case, you must adhere to this requirement.

It may also happen that along with the invitation you will receive special card for a reply with a return address. In this case, you need to answer with it. Typically, such cards already contain the text of the answer; all you have to do is enter whether you agree or not. This greatly simplifies the RSVP form.

Sometimes there are quite difficult, at first glance, situations, for example, you, having first refused an invitation for some reason good reason, suddenly you discover that circumstances have changed and you will be able to get an appointment. Many people think that it is impolite to refuse an invitation, and then suddenly call and say that you agree. This is completely false.

The rules of etiquette in this case advise you to do the following: if you are invited to a reception with a certain number of seats at the table - a wedding, a birthday, and so on - you should call the organizers and, explaining the situation, inform them that you are ready to accept the invitation. If there are still seats left at the table, the problem will disappear by itself. You just need to inform about changes in your plans 7-10 days before the celebration.

If an official reception takes place without a certain number of seats at the table - a cocktail, a buffet, etc. - the issue is resolved even easier. In this case, you must inform about a change in decision no later than 2-3 days before your appointment.

In Europe in early Middle Ages Eating food together was accompanied by special rituals. At joint dinners they not only satisfied their hunger, they had important V socially. Those gathered for festive table guests not only celebrated a holiday, they strengthened friendly, trade, social and other ties. It was especially important who exactly and where sits at the table in relation to the owner of the house, who makes toasts and on what occasion, whom and how the owners greet, etc. At that time, they did not attach much importance to table setting. Any dish was eaten with hands.

The situation will be much more difficult when you accepted the invitation, informed the organizers of the reception about it, but then changed your mind. In this case, you need a really serious reason for refusal - illness, death of loved ones, sudden departure, etc. You need to inform about changed plans as soon as you discover that you cannot get an appointment.

The rules of etiquette do not allow you to accept other invitations if you have refused the first one. If you meet acquaintances at another reception who are confident that you are in business trip or your sister is seriously ill, you may find yourself in a rather awkward situation.

If you are waiting for an invitation to any other reception, refusing the first one, say: “We would be glad to accept your invitation, but, unfortunately, we are busy that day.” This will give you the opportunity to accept another invitation.

In any case, you need to respond to the invitation so that the reception organizers have the opportunity to count the number of guests in advance.

By inviting you to a gala reception, the organizers express their desire to see you, therefore, according to the rules of etiquette, if you refuse, you must issue a return invitation. This will show that you will also be glad to see them.

If the clothing of guests during an informal reception is characterized by greater freedom of choice, an official reception requires appropriate clothing. If you arrive in clothing that is inappropriate for the occasion, you will not only be considered ill-mannered and ignorant, but will also perceive such an act as a sign of disrespect for the organizers of the reception.

A man who knows the rules of etiquette can be recognized by the way he looks at official receptions. If you consider yourself one of these, it means that you always take care of your appearance and look neat. Your clothes are always appropriate for the occasion, your shoes are polished, your tie is tied in a neat knot, your shirt is buttoned up with all the buttons and does not stick out from under your jacket.

If you decide to tie a tie with a regular knot, make sure that the short part is hidden behind the long part. If you choose a Windsor knot, remember that it should be small and neat. When putting on a bow tie, try not to wrinkle it. After you put it on, straighten it carefully.

According to the rules of etiquette, it is unacceptable to appear at an official reception in a wrinkled suit. If you don't want to iron your suit before every formal reception, you need to store it properly. Hang your trousers on a special hanger; it is good if there is only one pair of trousers on one hanger.

Also immediately hang the jacket on a hanger, and so that it does not lose its shape, fasten it with all the buttons. Try not to wear the same shirt two days in a row. The same applies to underwear and socks. Always have a clean handkerchief with you.

Shave as needed; men with rapidly growing stubble will need to shave twice a day. While paying attention to your face, don't forget to pay attention to your nails. They must be clean and neatly trimmed.

You need to get your hair cut so often that the next cut is barely noticeable. You cannot appear at the reception with overgrown hair, or with a hairstyle that has already lost its shape. Don't make the mistake that most men make - don't try to cover up your bald head. long hair from the temples. Despite the fact that this is not prohibited by etiquette, you will look quite funny and pathetic.

At the end of the 15th century. in countries Western Europe At ceremonial feasts, individual cutlery for each guest appeared on the tables for the first time - plates, spoons and knives. However, few people wanted to use them: everything except soup, as a rule, was eaten with their hands. They wiped their dirty hands on their clothes or tablecloth.

When going to an official reception, do not forget to use deodorant or antiperspirant. But remember that no deodorant can replace a daily shower.

Expensive and high-quality cologne or eau de toilette will tell you about your taste. Choose unobtrusive and mild scents. Don't water yourself eau de toilette from head to toe. The aroma should not be felt even at a distance of 2-3 meters.

Remembering folk wisdom, we can say with confidence that you meet a person by his clothes, and see him off by his mind. Taking this into account, remember that no matter how intellectual you are, negligence and untidiness in appearance can ruin everything irrevocably.

The tuxedo and tailcoat are rightfully considered men's clothing for an official reception. The tuxedo is a formal evening dress men's suit. Traditionally, a tuxedo is most often black, modern models Tuxedos can also be made in other dark colors. A tuxedo can also be white, but it is intended only for summer formal receptions. The tuxedo is distinguished by its distinctive silk trim on the lapels.

For a tuxedo, choose a white shirt and a black velvet or silk bow tie. A black vest should be worn over the shirt. Socks and shoes for a tuxedo should also be black. If the reception takes place in the cold season, you should choose a black (or dark) coat, hat and gloves to complement the tuxedo.

A tailcoat is a formal men's suit; it is worn for special occasions. It is customary to wear a tailcoat for evening receptions starting after 6 pm.

A tailcoat is a jacket with long vents and silk lapels. If you choose a tailcoat, remember that the shirt front of a white shirt should be well starched. Wear a pique vest and a bow tie with your tailcoat - all white. Fasten the tailcoat vest with all three buttons. Don't forget to put a white handkerchief in the breast pocket of your coat. Socks and shoes for a tailcoat should be black. In the cold season they wear a tailcoat black coat, white silk scarf and white gloves.

When choosing a tie for an official reception, Special attention pay attention to its quality. Modern etiquette gives preference to Italian silk ties self made, but this is not a strict rule; you can safely wear a tie made in another country. Do not wear a tie that is too bright, especially one with a flashy pattern, or one that depicts pictures, emblems, or symbols that are unfamiliar to you. Became very popular in Lately ties with diagonal red and blue stripes. Make sure the tie and suit are the same color range. According to the rules of etiquette, the tie and lapels of the jacket should be the same in width. The rule of choosing a dark tie with a light shirt has become almost unchanged. The tie is attached to a special clip or pin.

In the XVI–XVII centuries. In Europe, tablecloths made of expensive material, silverware, napkins and candles were considered signs of a formal reception. In the 18th century The rules of etiquette have changed a little. Now these signs have been added for real gourmet dishes- During this period, cooking began to be treated as an art.

It is better to choose leather shoes. Previously the most suitable for official receptions men's shoes were considered patent leather shoes. Now the rules of etiquette allow them to be worn only with a tuxedo or tailcoat. But this is already out of fashion. Also avoid wearing suede shoes - save them for informal events. You should not appear at the celebration in combined multi-colored shoes, as well as in shoes with large buckles, emblems, etc.

Separately, it should be said about the pockets. Remember, there should not be anything superfluous in them. Etiquette standards allow only a lighter, a handkerchief and a small amount of money to be kept in trouser pockets. It won't look good if the pockets bulge out. Do not put glasses, pens or fragile objects in trouser pockets. You should not put anything at all in the breast pocket of a shirt; in extreme cases, you can put a handkerchief in it, which should be well ironed and neatly folded. Personal items (wallet, documents, notepad, comb, business cards, cigarettes) can be placed in the pockets of the jacket. Put the rest of your things in a bag or purse.

The rules of etiquette are even stricter for women than for men. In some cases, what is excusable for a man is completely unacceptable in relation to a woman.

Take care of yourself not only before important receptions, but every day. You should always look neat, fresh, clean and well-groomed.

If a woman takes care of herself, she takes care of her nails (she should always have a good manicure and pedicure), knows how to do makeup correctly, has an impeccable hairstyle, dresses neatly, etc.

Particular attention should be paid to women's clothing for a formal reception. Woman, knows the rules etiquette, will never wear under transparent clothes contrasting color underwear not only for an official reception, but also in Everyday life. Choose beige, white or matching underwear. There is no need to remind you that underwear should be selected exactly in size, only in this case it will fit well.

According to etiquette, a woman cannot appear at a formal evening without tights (or stockings). Remember that tights of a smaller size may tear when moving, and larger ones will wrinkle. Also choose the color of your tights very carefully. You should not appear at the reception wearing tights that contrast with your dress. All details of the toilet - dress, shoes, suit and tights - must be combined with each other. Light-colored tights are more versatile, they optically increase the volume of your legs; black tights make your legs look slimmer, but they don’t go with everything. If you are not sure about the correctness of your choice, wear flesh-colored tights; as a rule, they go well with any outfit.

The etiquette rules regarding fishnet stockings have changed; it is now considered bad manners to wear them to a reception.

One of the important rules is that you cannot wear stockings under a short dress or stretch dress; in this case, you need to choose good, high-quality tights.

In France they say:

“It’s better to have a wrinkle on your face than on your tights.”

It is better to choose a handbag and shoes from the same material (by color and texture). For a formal evening, shoes made of leather, silk or brocade are suitable. Try to follow the following rule of etiquette - choose a matte handbag and shoes with a dress made of shiny material, and vice versa.

A win-win option women's clothing for an official reception is a classic small black dress. Give preference to a satin, velvet or silk dress. Emphasize the simplicity of the dress with an original handbag trimmed with rhinestones, fringe, embroidery, beads, etc.

If you do not have such a dress, do not rush to refuse the invitation. Stylish blouse and a long skirt too a good choice. A classic pantsuit will also work.

According to the rules of etiquette, dresses for daytime and evening receptions differ primarily in the wide variety of fabrics and length. Wear shorter dresses (but not superminis) for daytime functions.

A reception is considered evening if it starts after 8 pm. The most suitable fabrics for evening wear are velvet, lace, brocade, silk, fine wool, and chiffon. If you choose a dress with a classic cut, this will give you the opportunity to wear it for more than one season and it will not go out of style. You can wear this Evening Dress V different time year with a coat, boa, boa, stole, etc.

For especially formal evening receptions, a floor-length dress is perfect; etiquette allows for a deep neckline and open shoulders or back. A closed dress, but made of expensive fabric, will also look great. If you decide to wear a short dress to an evening reception, do not forget - the shorter it is, the more covered the back and décolleté should be.

Jewelry is a must for any formal reception. According to the rules of etiquette, it is not recommended to wear a large number of decorations In Europe and America, for example, it is generally not customary to wear them before 6 pm. In Russia, this rule is not observed so strictly, but it is still better to wear jewelry from semi-precious stones or quality jewelry.

At evening receptions, real jewelry is, of course, required. If you don’t have them, you can easily wear gold earrings, a ring and a chain.

You can pair gloves with your evening dress. Many women make the mistake of wearing rings over them. Etiquette allows only a bracelet to be worn over gloves. Follow the rule - gloves only complement the main outfit, and do not overshadow it.

Silk or kid gloves are perfect for a daytime formal reception. You can pair them with a leather or suede handbag. For an evening reception, you can wear lace, silk or any other thin gloves, but keep in mind that the longer the sleeve of the dress, the shorter the gloves you need to choose, and vice versa.

On especially special occasions (wedding, ball, anniversary, etc.), according to the rules of etiquette, white gloves should be worn.

Black kid gloves are rightfully considered the most neutral.

It is not customary to take off gloves when greeting and shaking hands, but it is better to take them off when eating.

As a rule, the dress code for the reception is indicated in English on invitation cards. Thus, the inscription “white tie” means that you need to come in a tailcoat, “black tie” - in a tuxedo, “evening dress” also means a tailcoat. If it is marked “undress” (“without clothes”), this means that you can come in a regular suit.

Even if you follow the rules of etiquette when dressing, the wrong color can ruin all your efforts. If you are a blonde, choose clothes in the following colors: pink, gray, blue, orange, black, milky. Brunettes look good in clothes of black, blue, purple, indigo, red, green. Red-haired people are recommended to choose dresses in green, blue, brown, and purple colors.

The etiquette of an official evening is more strict than that of an ordinary informal meeting. Some actions that are acceptable among friends can cause confusion at an official reception.

If you want to feel free and relaxed at a party, and not remember what to do and in what situation, you need to follow the rules of etiquette not only at official receptions, but every day, no matter where and with whom you are .

People who, on the way to a gala evening, do not pay attention to their behavior, and when they get there, transform into gallant gentlemen and sophisticated ladies, cause bewilderment, to say the least. To avoid this, pay attention to your behavior on the street.

In front of the door and on the stairs it is customary to:

– the man let the woman go ahead (the man must walk a little forward, open the door and let the woman through. But if the door is heavy and massive, the man goes through and holds the door until the woman passes);

– the youngest in age let the older one go ahead;

– a subordinate let his boss pass (if a senior in age or position gives way to you, you can pass, saying “Thank you” or “Thank you”);

– if the guests are equal in social status or age, the one who is closest to her was the first to go through the door;

– the guests let the hostess pass, in turn the host must let the guests pass first. The exception is the situation when a guest enters a dark, unfamiliar room, in which case he must let the owner pass first;

– a woman walked up the stairs in front, a man behind her, and going down, a man walked in front, a woman behind him. If a woman suddenly stumbles, a man can immediately come to her aid.

Is it possible to be late for official receptions? This primarily depends on the reception itself. If the invitation card indicated the exact start and end time of the reception and the reception is a buffet, it is permissible to come and leave at any time within the specified period.

The rules of etiquette allow you to arrive not at the very beginning of the reception, but it is generally accepted that if a guest comes at the beginning and leaves at the end of the reception, he is very friendly towards the owner of the house. Conversely, if you come to the middle of the reception and have spent no more than 15–20 minutes at it, this indicates that you have a very cool relationship with the host of the reception.

The invitation card may say "S.t." (sine tempore) - that is, you need to arrive on time, accurately, without delay. "Ct." (cum tempore) – you can be late no more than 15 minutes (academic lateness).

If an official reception requires a clear number of seats and seating of guests at the table, the latecomer is usually waited for 15 minutes, after which the celebration begins.

If you are less than 15 minutes late, you do not need to give a reason for your lateness. If you are delayed by 15 minutes or more, you need to approach the hosts and, apologizing, briefly explain the reason for your delay. All guests do not need to know it, so you should not publicly declare why you were late.

Another rule: you should not leave the official reception before the senior guests. If you urgently need to leave, go to the owners and, after explaining the situation, say goodbye. There is no need to say goodbye to the rest of the guests.

Every official reception begins with greetings exchanged between guests and hosts of the event.

In most cases, the hosts greet the guests at the door, with the exception of weddings - in this case, the guests are met by the parents or other relatives of the heroes of the occasion and taken to the bride or groom's room.

By greeting, you demonstrate your friendliness towards the other person. With the help of a greeting you can immediately win over stranger, Here main role Your manners and adherence to the rules of etiquette play a role.

There are several basic rules that every person should adhere to. So, a man should be the first to greet a woman, a young man - an older one, a newly arrived guest - those who came before him.

Try to respond to every greeting, otherwise you may offend the person.

Men, as in a normal meeting, shake hands. But in a formal setting, more stringent rules apply to handshake etiquette.

A handshake is the most traditional greeting gesture. The outstretched hand should not be too relaxed and limp - such a handshake is unpleasant, you can give the impression of a lazy and apathetic person. But you also shouldn’t go to the other extreme - a strong handshake, in which you shake your partner’s hand too vigorously, and even shake it several times, causes nothing but pain.

Extend your hand in a confident gesture; the handshake should be short, but at the same time quite energetic. There is no need to shake your partner's hand for a long time.

The most cordial handshake is considered to be greeting a person with both hands at once.

Women do not have to shake hands, but etiquette does not prohibit it. As already mentioned, there is no need to remove gloves in this case. Although, if you want to show respect to a person much older than yourself, when greeting, still take off your glove.

Men also don't take off their gloves when shaking hands, but if the man shaking hands with you has taken off his gloves, you'd better follow his example.

If a man shakes hands with a woman wearing gloves, he may also leave his own on.

In Europe, napkins and special bowls for washing hands before eating began to appear on tables only in the 17th century. At the same time, books on etiquette began to note that licking fingers, spitting in dishes, blowing your nose on the tablecloth, and throwing bones under the table was impolite. In the 18th century the rules of behavior became even more strict - you had to behave carefully at the table, you were forbidden to eat with a knife, you began to serve food with your own spoon. It was strictly forbidden to blow your nose while eating.

From Europe to Russia came the widespread custom of the accolade - a form of greeting in which people, without hugging and maintaining a certain distance, lean their cheeks against each other. In the Middle Ages, the ritual of knighting ended with an accolade.

The rules of etiquette allow you to greet both friends and close acquaintances in this way, as well as completely strangers. Usually either women or a man and a woman greet each other this way. This greeting is not popular among men.

In Russia, this form of greeting appeared recently, so it is still better to greet only friends this way.

A man can shake another man as a greeting. right hand, and place the left one on your shoulder.

When shaking hands, one thing should be observed: important rule– do not violate the personal space of another person. If people greet you while keeping a certain distance from you, do not try to close the distance, otherwise the other person will feel uncomfortable with you.

There is one more feature in the greeting ritual. When shaking hands, do not keep your other hand in your pocket. This is still acceptable among very close friends, but for just acquaintances, and even more so for complete strangers, it is unacceptable.

There is a certain order of handshakes:

– first the woman greets the woman;

- then a man with a woman;

- after that, man with man.

In addition to shaking hands, you can greet each other with a slight tilt of your head. You can show your respect to an older woman or man by bowing slightly in front of them.

Many people are concerned about the question: is it necessary to kiss a woman’s hand? The rules of etiquette in this regard are simple - you need to kiss a woman’s hand if you want to show her your respect.

However, remember that kissing a woman’s hand is accepted only indoors, on fresh air This should not be done - it will be a gross violation of etiquette.

There are several rules in this regard:

– do not kiss a gloved hand;

– do not kiss the hand extended over the table;

– do not kiss your hand too passionately or, conversely, mechanically;

– do not kiss the hand of only one of the women present if they are standing together.

At the beginning of the 16th century. In Europe, it was customary to serve a huge number of all kinds of dishes at gala dinners. It was believed that the more variety, the richer the table. As a rule, these were meat and game dishes (15–20 dishes each), which were served interspersed on one large platter. In the richest houses, whole deer, bull or wild boar carcasses stuffed with vegetables and game were served on the table.

If you came to a formal evening alone and met your loved one there, do not demonstrate your feelings too emotionally. In this case, the rules of etiquette prohibit passionate kisses, hugs or other manifestations of excessive tenderness. Such behavior is acceptable only among very close people.

Very often at such formal receptions as weddings, anniversaries, and so on, people meet who do not know each other. Perhaps you will find yourself in such a situation, and you will have to introduce the invitees to each other. How to do this correctly, following the rules of etiquette?

For example, you and your brother are talking, and a friend of the groom comes up to you, whom you know, but your brother does not. In this case, you must introduce them to each other. Otherwise it will be unforgivable discourtesy on your part. Several centuries ago, the presentation procedure was full of various nuances; it was a whole ceremony. Now, of course, the rules in this regard are not so strict. It will be enough to say: “Mikhail, I want to introduce you to my brother Vladimir” or “Vladimir, meet me, this is my friend Mikhail.”

Basic dating rules:

– a man is always introduced to a woman (“Ekaterina, please meet my friend Roman,” “Mom, this is my classmate Vasily,” etc.);

– a person occupying a less significant position in society is introduced to a person higher up the career ladder (“Boris Alexandrovich, meet me, this is Konstantin”);

– an individual is introduced to couples;

– you need to introduce your relatives to the other guests (“Nikolai, meet me, this is my mother, Tatyana Vladimirovna”, “Oksana, do you know my brother Igor?”);

– try to avoid a commanding tone (“Artem, come, I’ll introduce you to Oleg Sergeevich!”);

– do not say “Ilya, meet me, this is my friend Victor,” if you introduce two of your acquaintances, thereby you emphasize that the first is not one of your friends. “My friend” can be said when introducing a friend to your relative;

- when introducing your spouse, you should say “my wife Antonina”, “my husband Sergei”, and not “meet you, this is Antonina Mikhailovna” or “I would like to introduce you to Sergei Andreevich.”

Rules of conduct during the performance:

– to show interest in the person you are being introduced to, look into his eyes during the introduction;

– after the introduction, repeat the name of the person you were introduced to: “Hello, Evgeny Leonidovich, I’m very glad to meet you”;

– if you were introduced incorrectly (your first name, last name, position, etc. were mixed up), correct it immediately, do it without irritation, if possible, try to make it a joke;

– if you did not catch the name or other information about who you are being introduced to, do not hesitate to clarify;

– after the introduction, you can answer “Nice to meet you,” “Very nice,” and so on, or you can simply bow silently.

The first use of a fork while eating dates back to the 16th century. - this was the greatest progress in etiquette European countries. This innovation was quickly adopted by noble people in Italy; in other countries, forks “were not to their liking.” Anna of Austria ate meat stew hands, her son Louis XIV banned the use of a fork altogether. In the 17th century in England, Thomas Coriat stated: “I have seen a custom... which is not common in any Christian country, but only in Italy. Italians... always use small pitchforks when cutting meat... and if someone, sitting at a meal in a group, touches the common dish with his hands, he will offend those gathered as a transgressor good manners... The reason for this curiosity is that Italians do not want dishes to be touched with their hands, believing that human fingers are not always clean.”

Many people ask themselves whether it is necessary to stand up during a performance. There are also several etiquette rules in this regard:

– a man always stands up, regardless of who is presented to him (man or woman);

– a woman may remain seated when introduced to a younger man, but stands up when introduced to an older woman or man.

Proper behavior at the table during a special event is not limited to the ability to use cutlery and knowledge of what and how to eat.

Pay special attention to your behavior at the holiday table.

First of all, you need to learn how to sit at the table correctly. Try to sit straight, but not in a tense position, with your back unnaturally straightened, but freely and at ease. In this case, the lower back should be pressed against the back of the chair, and the legs should completely touch the floor.

Don't sit cross-legged at the table. While eating, do not place your elbows on the table; according to the rules of etiquette, this can be done for a short time and only between serving dishes. In between meals, you can put your hands on your knees, or you can sit in a more relaxed position - rest your left hand lightly on the edge of the table, and place your right hand on your knees.

Remember to use cutlery correctly. As a rule, food from a common dish should be taken with the utensils that lie next to it (usually a spoon). When putting food on your plate, try to do it carefully, without dropping anything on the tablecloth.

Use cutlery in the order in which they lie on the table, starting with the outer ones and moving towards the plate. According to the rules of etiquette, the fork and knife should be held without touching the teeth or blade with your fingers. If for any reason you stop eating, place your cutlery in a crisscross pattern on your plate, not on the table. If you are using only a fork, place the knife so that its blade rests on the right side of the edge of the plate.

If you are waiting for the next change of dishes and have stopped eating for a while, also place the cutlery crosswise - the fork with the convex side up, and the knife with the tip to the left. The cutlery should cross in the upper third of the knife and the beginning of the fork tines. It is also not prohibited to place cutlery with one end on the table and the other on the plate. If you feel that you are full and will not eat anymore, place the cutlery on the plate parallel to each other: the fork with the convex side up, the knife with the tip to the left.

The gaze is one of the main components of the rules of etiquette and is very important during communication. This was noticed many hundreds of years ago, for good reason folk wisdom says: “The eyes are the mirror of the soul.” An observant person can get much more information from the look of his interlocutor than through his words.

IN various countries have their own ideas about the right or wrong view. For example, in Japan it is not customary to look your interlocutor in the eyes, even at a business meeting. The Japanese also diligently avoid showing any emotions during a conversation - the voice remains even in any situation, and the face is completely impassive. It is also normal for the Japanese to look at a tie or some other piece of clothing of the interlocutor during a conversation.

At a gala reception, try to get along with other people friendly relations, your view will also play a significant role in this. Do not look closely at your interlocutors and do not focus your gaze only on the eyes of the other person; you should, as it were, take in his entire face with your gaze. Thanks to this simple technique, you can monitor not only the words, but also the facial expressions of your interlocutor.

Try not to look sideways or from under your brows at other people; such glances are perceived negatively. When communicating with other guests, smile more often, try not to closely look at the hairstyle or clothes of your interlocutor. Do not linger on quarreling spouses, capricious children or physical disabilities of anyone present; while eating, do not look at how any of the guests eat.

Try to pay special attention to your gestures. Do not swing your arms too much so as not to hit someone present. During a conversation, try to avoid fussy movements, constantly adjusting your or someone else's clothes, which is even more unacceptable. Do not look at your watch often, do not fiddle with a handkerchief, pen or lighter.

While eating, watch your posture; do not sit with your head propped up on your fist or your elbows on the table.

Previously, it was fashionable to put the little finger aside while eating or drinking, as they tried to emphasize their sophistication.

Now this gesture is more than inappropriate; it looks too mannered.

Watch your step. A careless, mincing or hobbling gait can undo all the efforts you have expended on your appearance- hairstyle and suit.

The main thing in a beautiful gait is, first of all, a straight back, as well as smooth and energetic movements. Your hands should move in rhythm with your steps. Women and men have different gait requirements. If a man is made attractive by sweeping movements and a fairly wide step, then this is completely unsuitable for a woman. A woman should walk easily and naturally.

While moving, do not pull your head into your shoulders. It’s not nice to clack your heels loudly; you need to step on your entire foot carefully. When walking in heels, women should fully straighten their legs at the knees, while their stomach should be slightly retracted.

You need to not only walk, but also sit beautifully. There are certain rules of etiquette in this regard:

– try to sit down and get up from a chair as quietly as possible;

– make sure to sit upright and straight, without hunching over or leaning on the back of the chair;

– do not knock your foot on the leg of your chair, or even more so someone else’s;

– do not rock in your chair;

– do not sit astride a chair or on its edge;

– do not move the chair on the floor, but only rearrange it;

– when you sit on a chair, do not swing your leg;

– if this does not disturb those present, you can stretch your legs slightly in front of you;

– keep your knees together, you can cross your legs at the ankles, place your feet together or one slightly forward, you can also put one leg on top of the other;

– do not sit with your hands clasped around your knees or crossed over your chest;

– do not turn your back to anyone, try to sit with your side turned or facing everyone present.

When talking with one of the guests, remember that according to etiquette, you are not supposed to whisper or, conversely, speak loudly while at a gala event. Talk in a low voice. It is clear that you won’t be able to talk to all the guests at a large reception. Usually preference is given to neighbors at the table and those sitting opposite.

Smoking at official receptions is prohibited under the following circumstances:

– if there is a notice that smoking is prohibited;

– while dancing;

- at the table.

A woman should not let a man light a cigarette. Usually the one who lit first offers the fire to everyone else. The man, without waiting for the woman to light a cigarette herself, must give her the fire. You cannot pass a burning match or lighter through someone else; in this case, you need to go around this person and let someone else light a cigarette. When offering to light a cigarette for another person, you need to take your cigarette out of your mouth and put it in the ashtray.

Ashes should only be thrown into ashtrays or special bins. It is completely unacceptable to blow smoke in another person's face.

As a rule, at formal receptions it is customary to make toasts from time to time. Toasts are usually made by all guests in turn. Married couples They can say one toast for two.

Finding yourself at a gala reception in another country and not knowing well enough local language, you can limit yourself to a short toast that means approximately the same thing as the Russian “To your health!”: English “Сheers” (“cheez”), German “Prosit” (“prosit”), French “a votre sante” ( “a votre sante”), Polish “Nazdrowie” (“nazdrovie”), Italian “Salute” (“salute”), Irish “Slainte” (“slainte”), Spanish “Salud” (“salud”), Swedish “Skoal” ” (“how much”), Czech “Na zdrav” (“to health”).

Toasts made at an official reception are somewhat different from toasts at an informal party, primarily in their solemnity and longer duration. Usually the toast includes a greeting addressed to the host, general position, designation of the occasion of the festive event, some wishes to the hosts and guests, etc. In a toast, you can also express gratitude for the hospitality shown to you.

It is best if your toast is not very long and reflects the occasion of the reception. The rules of etiquette do not prohibit toasts with humor, but they are not always appropriate.

As a rule, the first toast is made by the owner of the house, the second by the guest of honor, etc. If the reception is led by the toastmaster or another host, he appoints those who should give the toast next. If festive event takes place without a host, guests make toasts at will or each of them in turn, clockwise.

In many nations, ceremonial toasts were exclusively the prerogative of men. In some countries this is still the case. In Russia, a woman can say a toast just like men. But the rules of etiquette prohibit forcing her to make a toast.

According to the rules of etiquette, you cannot demand a mandatory answer to any toast. The host or guest in whose honor the toast was made can thank the speaker with a nod of the head or the phrase: “Thank you for your kind words.”

While one of the guests is making a toast, try not to make noise, talk or be distracted. During this time, you should not eat or drink, or spill drinks. Show respect to the speaker of the toast and listen to him to the end.

After a toast, it is customary to drink a glass of champagne to the bottom, and a glass of wine can be stretched several times.

Lately, at official events, it has not been customary to clink glasses of wine after a toast, but this is not a strict rule. If you want, you can clink glasses with your neighbors at the table, but, of course, you shouldn’t go around all the guests.

To help calm your nerves while making a toast, take a deep breath. If you are not sure that this will help you, try to keep your toast consisting of short simple sentences, so there is less risk of getting confused.

It's your turn to make a toast. To avoid the awkwardness of remembering this moment later, prepare for it in advance. There are several rules for making a toast:

– if you’re not sure you can improvise on the fly, prepare in advance. Find out who will be at the reception, your place at the table, your turn in making a toast. It will also be important to think about what will seem touching or funny to the hosts and guests, how long you will make the toast, etc. Remember that the first and last toasts are more memorable, and be prepared for this;

– come up with the text of a toast at home. When you pronounce it, speak from the heart, and do not mumble a memorized text;

– if a gala evening is being held in honor of a guest, mention both him and the owner of the house in the toast. Try not to joke ambiguously; your joke should be understood by everyone present, and not a narrow circle of select people;

– if you are embarrassed to speak in public, rehearse the toast several times at home. Read it first, and then try to pronounce it without prompting. On the morning of the celebration, repeat your toast again. In order not to worry and get used to the situation, walk around the hall several times until you feel comfortable;

– before making a toast, try to attract everyone’s attention to yourself. To do this, you don’t need to knock on the glass, as some do; it will be enough to stand up and look around the room. This will make everyone shut up and listen carefully to your words;

– when making a toast, behave with dignity, do not stand with your eyes downcast, and do not try to say the words as quickly as possible. Stand in a relaxed position without crossing your legs or arms. When making a toast, be sure to hold a glass of alcoholic drink in your hands;

– look at the person in whose honor you are making your toast; during the general part of the toast, you can look around the guests, this will give them the feeling that your toast is addressed to them;

– after making a toast, raise your glass and ask those present to support your toast by drinking to the person in whose honor you were toasting, and take a sip from your glass.

According to the rules of etiquette, most official events, be it a wedding, anniversary or housewarming, are not complete without gifts.

In some countries, officials are prohibited from accepting expensive gifts.

Considering the occasion for which each specific reception is held, regarding gifts for the hero of the occasion, follow certain rules:

– don’t choose too much expensive gifts so as not to embarrass other guests and the hero of the occasion;

– do not give gifts that are too simple, so as not to offend the hero of the occasion (a cup as a gift for golden wedding completely unsuitable);

– clothes (especially underwear) can only be given to the closest people;

– it is better to give accessories and writing materials to work colleagues;

– beautiful packaging increases the value of the gift;

– gifts with meaning are highly valued;

– be observant, perhaps a month ago your friend mentioned what he would like to receive as a gift;

– give perfumes and cosmetics if you are completely sure that the gift will be to your taste;

– when choosing a gift, be guided by the tastes of the person to whom you are giving it, and not your own.

When presenting a gift, say some congratulatory phrase, for example:

– “I congratulate you (you) on your (anniversary, birthday, marriage, anniversary, etc.)”;

- “I want to congratulate you on...”;

- “I congratulate you (with all my heart, with all my heart)”;

- “Please accept my gift from Best wishes»;

- “Let me congratulate you on...”;

– “Please accept my sincere congratulations”;

- “Let me give you a gift”;

- “Please accept a gift from our family.”

Flowers are the most universal gift. The choice of a bouquet depends on who it is being given to, the relationship between the giver and the recipient, and the time of year. If the packaging is not a decorative decoration for the bouquet, it must be removed before handing over the flowers. Give flowers with your left hand, extending your right hand for a handshake.

According to established traditions, each flower is a symbol of certain human feelings. For example, white and yellow acacia symbolize platonic feelings, pink - elegance, aloe - insult, aster - sadness, basil - hostility, cornflower - delicacy, carnation (white) - impatience, dahlia - gratitude, geranium - caprice, jasmine - gratitude, camellia - shyness, lily of the valley - hope, lily - purity, purity, daisy - youth, lemon balm - constancy in feelings, mimosa - modesty, narcissus - reflection, nasturtium - fiery love, peony - desire to meet, rose - all-consuming love, lilac – first love, tulip – tenderness, violet – mystery.

When choosing flowers for a bouquet, consider their meaning, color, size, etc. Flowers are a wonderful and non-binding gift. Include a postcard or business card in the bouquet, so your bouquet will not get lost in the mass of others. For men, you should choose flowers more large size with long strong stems.

The rose is rightfully considered the queen among flowers. IN Ancient Greece The bride was decorated with a wreath of roses. Roses were thrown at the winners' feet. The rose was glorified by Christianity as the flower of paradise. IN Ancient Rome the rose was the personification of luxury.

Inappropriate gifts:

– pets (cannot be given without prior agreement with the person to whom you are going to give them);

– cosmetics, perfumes, clothes, shoes (there is a risk of not pleasing or choosing the wrong size, give only if you know your friend’s taste);

– interior items (perhaps the gift “will not fit” into the style of the house);

– knives and other sharp objects;

– watches (cannot be given as a gift for a wedding or the birth of a child).

Unusual and Original gifts(painting, cast iron mortar, plaster figurine, etc.) are only suitable for a collector, otherwise your gift may find its place in the attic or mezzanine.

Do not give gifts that were once given to you, but were not needed. Remember that what is given is not given. Items that have already been used can only be donated if they are antiques or jewelry.

You can give:

- good wine;

– deluxe edition;

– crystal;

– sweets in a box;

- belt;

- tea good grade;

– expensive cigars of the best quality;

– jewelry (necklace, bracelet, cufflinks, clips, brooch, choker, earrings);

– original album for stamps or photographs;

– a flower vase;

– wallet or purse;

– service;

– household appliances;

– items related to the birthday person’s hobby;

- sofa cover;

- money in an unsealed envelope without a signature (usually this is done at weddings).

It is also worth considering the peculiarities of etiquette in special cases. These include the birth of a child, christening and such a sad occasion as a funeral.

Birth of a child

In most cases, the birth of a child is celebrated among the closest relatives; lavish celebrations are not held, since the child’s mother is still very weak and cannot receive guests for a long time.

Distant relatives and friends can congratulate the young parents by phone or send them greeting card. When you write a card, remember to mention the name of the child's mother first.

Christening

Christening is church ceremony, during which the child is given a name.

Usually this ceremony takes place in a church, but in exceptional cases it can also be performed at home. Before baptism, the child's parents must choose his godmother and father - as a rule, these are close friends or relatives.

If you have been chosen as the child's godmother or father, try to follow certain etiquette rules during the baptism. The godfather should stand next to the font, to the right of him is the godmother with a child in her arms. If you are a godmother, be sure to wear a headscarf during the ceremony.

Godparents must take care of their godson, provide him with support and never leave him in trouble.

The official celebration takes place at home. Usually only close relatives are invited to it. Traditionally God-parents give their godson some silver item.

Funeral

A funeral is the saddest occasion for an official reception, to which not only close relatives, but also colleagues and friends of the deceased can be invited.

If you receive a letter informing you of the death of someone you know, but relatives at the same time express a desire to hold the funeral only among their loved ones, also express your condolences in a letter.

Condolences can be expressed in the following phrases:

– “I offer you my sincere condolences”;

- “I share your sadness with you”;

- “I would like to express my condolences to you”;

- “You have suffered a great loss. Please accept my deepest condolences";

- “I mourn with you.”

If you come to a funeral, try to behave as delicately as possible. It is not forbidden to talk with relatives about the deceased by the rules of etiquette, but do it tactfully. Under no circumstances should you speak badly about the deceased, even if during his lifetime he was not very a good man. Don't hold it against him. If you can't say anything good, keep quiet.

Your clothes should be in dark colors, it is better to wear all black. Women should not wear short skirts. The style of clothing should be modest and not provocative, otherwise it will be perceived as disrespect for the deceased and his relatives.

IN funeral procession a man can keep his hat on, but it will need to be removed during the funeral service and at the graveside.

Wake

After the funeral, the relatives of the deceased usually organize a wake, to which close relatives, colleagues and friends of the deceased are invited.

Remember that at the funeral table one chair remains unoccupied. A lighted candle and a glass of water, covered with a slice of bread, are placed near the photograph of the deceased.

At such a reception, laughter, jokes, songs, etc. are inappropriate. There should be no forks on the table, all dishes are eaten with spoons - remember this and do not ask to bring the “missing” cutlery. Don't stay late at the funeral table.

For a reception with seating, according to invitation etiquette, the list of guests is prepared in advance, which is explained by the need to draw up a plan for placing guests at the table.

On diplomatic official receptions Guests are sent appropriate invitations, which may be fully or partially printed. For less formal events, invitations may be sent entirely by hand. Regardless of the type of invitation, it is always written in the third person. The official protocol considers it possible to transmit it by telephone or telegraph.

Invitation to official events are always printed on off white paper with black ink. Recently, when making invitations, among all letter writing styles, preference is given to handwritten styles.

Fully printed invitations are used for special events - very large or formal, official receptions. It is believed that such invitations demonstrate special respect for the invitees (they are also the most expensive). In a fully printed invitation, only the guest's name and, if necessary, his wife's name are entered by hand.

If the host of the reception is dignitary(head of state, prime minister, speaker of parliament, state ambassador, etc.), the invitation may have at the top an image of the country's coat of arms or the seal of the office of an official (for example, the prime minister). There is a practice according to which invitations to events taking place at the state level use an image of the state emblem, the seals of an official’s office are made with gold paint, and on invitations for working breakfasts, lunches, and other less official events, a non-colored raised image of the coat of arms or seal is used. All invitations on behalf of the president of the country have a golden image of the state emblem or presidential seal.

Partially printed invitations can be used for any type of acceptance, for any occasion and for any date and time. Invitations of this kind can be sent for lunches, tea, cocktails, etc.

Partially printed invitations are cheaper than fully printed ones, and therefore they are actively used by individuals and institutions that often organize various protocol events. The necessary information (type of reception, date, day, time and location) is entered by hand in black ink according to the specific event.

Exist General requirements Invitation etiquette for invitations of all kinds. If the event is being held in honor of a specific official, distinguished guest or in honor of a national holiday, the relevant information is indicated at the top of the invitation or, if size allows, in the text itself. In the event that the corresponding phrase is too long, a separate card is printed and attached to the invitation.

The invitation that is sent to the guest of honor does not explain the reason for the event, but contains the inscription “To Remind” or “Pour Memoire” (PM).

Usually, all invitations, in particular an invitation to a reception according to the seating arrangement of guests, must contain the letters R. S. V. R. in the lower left corner - please reply. Below is a possible clarification - “Regrets only” - report only if it is impossible to attend. Such a request is absent from the invitation, which is sent to the guest of honor, with whom a preliminary agreement on his presence must be reached, and thus the invitation in this case is a reminder of the event. If an answer is expected by telephone, its number is written under the request for an answer.

The invitation, as a rule, indicates the dress code provided for a specific event. It could be:

- Casual wear. This form is defined by the words: “informai”, “tenue de ville”, “undress” (typical for Great Britain);

The tuxedo. In diplomatic and official protocol, the definition of “black tie” is used for this form. It is also possible, for semi-formal events, “dinner dress”, “tuxedo”;

- Tailcoat. In invitations, this form is defined as “white tie”. Perhaps also “tenue de soire”, “evening dress”, “decorations” and simply “tails”.

If the dress code is not specified in the invitation, it is considered that in this case the organizers suggest informal, casual clothing. In such a situation, you should specify the dress code on the eve of your appointment.

Invitation to a reception can be given by telephone. As soon as consent to the invitation is received by telephone, a corresponding typed or handwritten reminder is sent immediately. It may also be sent by telegraph. Invitations to official events sent by telegraph are duplicated in print. A response to an invitation of this kind is also given by telegraph or telephone.

Invitations to the reception are sent in advance. The minimum period is one week before the event. True, such a mailing can lead to undesirable consequences - numerous refusals due to the fact that invitations to certain measures had already been accepted, insults from some of the requestees who may think that they were remembered at the last moment, when someone the one who was invited earlier refused.

Depending on the specific circumstances, invitations are sent by courier, or less often by mail (to officials, outstanding figures It is always recommended to send by courier).

In all cases when the invitation contains the letters K. v. V.R. or the words “please respond”, it is necessary to give an answer as soon as possible about the possibility or impossibility of attending. As usual, the response is given within 1-2 days after receiving the invitation. If the person being invited is not sure whether she will be able to attend, it is better to refuse immediately than to do so at the last minute. A delay in responding to an invitation puts organizers in the difficult position of not being able to decide on seating arrangements and also not being able to invite someone else. This forces the organizers to remind them of the need to give an answer. In general, not responding to an invitation is a serious mistake.

If the spouses refuse the invitation due to the absence of the spouse in the city or due to the receipt of an invitation by one of them earlier than the other, he or she must notify the organizers about this, and then it is possible to send the invitation to one - the one who is free at the time of the invitation.

It is considered absolutely acceptable for both a man and a woman to agree to an invitation extended to both, and to come himself to a cocktail, buffet lunch, buffet, if this is desired and when his or her presence organizers expect.

An invitation issued on behalf of the head of state must be answered within 24 hours of its receipt. An invitation sent by telegraph must be responded to immediately, also by telegraph or telephone. There are only a few situations when it is possible to refuse to accept an invitation on behalf of the head of state. This is the death of a family member, the illness of the invitee, the wedding of a family member, the absence of the invitee in the capital or in the country on the day of the corresponding event.

It is considered more correct to respond to an invitation with a letter or postcard, or by handing over a business card. In some countries, replying with a business card is considered tactless, especially when it comes to a formal invitation.

The response to the invitation is written by hand in black ink on white paper, approximately the same size as the invitation. The answer is given from a third party. An invitation to a reception with seating is sent to everyone personally and the seniority of the guests is determined by the rank of each, therefore it is not allowed to send another person to the official breakfast, lunch, or lunch in your place. Such a replacement is possible only with the consent of the organizers.

An important point in the protocol and etiquette of invitations to diplomatic official receptions is the question of the possibility or impossibility of a request to send an invitation. It is considered unacceptable to ask to be invited to any events. An official may request an invitation from a colleague or for a person in a high position. A diplomatic official may, in the event that a colleague or higher official from his country is passing through the capital for a new accreditation, ask his colleagues in the diplomatic corps to include the guest on the list for official or diplomatic events for which the invitation list has no restrictions.

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