home » Spring clothes » Anna Vyrubova: Great sinner or great martyr? Illustrated magazine by Vladimir Dergachev “Landscapes of Life.

Anna Vyrubova: Great sinner or great martyr? Illustrated magazine by Vladimir Dergachev “Landscapes of Life.

The last Russian empress called her maid of honor “my big baby” and “dear martyr.” Anna Vyrubova was Alexandra Fedorovna’s main friend in life.

Courtly simplicity

Anna Vyrubova (maiden name Taneyeva) was the great-great-great-granddaughter of Mikhail Illarionovich Kutuzov. Her father held the responsible post of Secretary of State and Chief Administrator of His Imperial Majesty's Chancellery for 20 years. The same post was held by his father and grandfather under Alexander I, Nicholas I, Alexander II and Alexander III. At the same time, the opinion about Anna Vyrubova that she was a commoner became entrenched in the public consciousness. This is, to say the least, incorrect. Even having ceased to be a maid of honor due to marriage, Anna Vyrubova remained, in fact, the main friend of the empress. Alexandra Feodorovna called her “big baby.” The “little baby” was the empress’s son, Tsarevich Alexei.

Thrice Risen

Alexandra Feodorovna, having arrived in Russia, converted to Orthodoxy and treated this with all responsibility. However, the people around her were not so zealous in their service and rather liked to talk about God than to lead a godly life. Everyone except Anna Vyrubova - the Empress's maid of honor, and then her faithful friend.

The Empress called Anna “my dear martyr.” And this was not an exaggeration. Anna Vyrubova's whole life was a series of trials that she accepted with truly Christian humility.

At the age of 18 she suffered from typhus. She was saved from death, as she herself believed, by the spiritual intercession of John of Kronstadt.

After 11 years, Anna Vyrubova was in a train accident and, lying unconscious, with multiple fractures, she was “revived” by Grigory Rasputin. Finally, in 1918, when she was being led to execution by a Red Army soldier, Anna saw in the crowd a woman with whom she often prayed in the monastery on Karpovka, where the relics of St. John of Kronstadt rest. “Don’t give yourself into the hands of your enemies,” she said. - Go, I'm praying. Father John will save you." Anna Vyrubova managed to get lost in the crowd. And then another acquaintance she met, whom Vyrubova had once helped, gave her 500 rubles.

"They don't know what they're doing"

There was, perhaps, no woman in Russian history whose name was slandered so much. Rumors about the vicious life of Anna Vyrubova circulated among the people even before the revolution. They said about her that it was she who brought Tsar Rasputin into the entourage, that she and Rasputin himself were involved in various outrages, that she allegedly seduced the empress herself.

Vyrubova in her book told how such rumors appeared in pre-revolutionary Russia.

She wrote from the words of her sister: “In the morning Mrs. Derfelden flew in to me with the words: “Today we are spreading rumors in the factories that the Empress is getting the Tsar drunk, and everyone believes it.”

And everyone really believed it. Everyone who did not know Vyrubova personally. Meeting her changed people. Investigator Rudnev recalled how he went to interrogate Vyrubova and was in a negative mood towards her - having heard everything that was said about her. He writes: “When Mrs. Vyrubova entered, I was immediately struck by the special expression in her eyes: this expression was full of unearthly meekness, this first favorable impression was completely confirmed in my further conversations with her.”

Vyrubova was imprisoned five times. Both under Kerensky and under the Bolsheviks. She was tortured. One day in prison, a pockmarked soldier, one of Anna’s most malicious persecutors, suddenly changed dramatically. While visiting his brother, he saw a photo of Anna on the wall. He said: “For a whole year in the hospital she was like a mother to me.” Since then, the soldier did his best to help the best Vyrubova.

The already mentioned investigator Rudnev recalled that he learned not from Vyrubova herself, but from her mother, that Anna was being bullied in prison. During the interrogation, Anna only meekly confirmed this and said: “They are not guilty, they don’t know what they are doing.”

Philanthropist

In 1915, as compensation from railway For the injuries received during the accident, Anna received huge money for those times - 80 thousand rubles. For six months Anna was bedridden. All this time, the Empress visited her maid of honor every day. Then Anna Alexandrovna moved to wheelchair, and later on crutches or with a stick. The former maid of honor spent all the money on creating a hospital for war invalids, where they would be taught a craft so that they could feed themselves in the future. Nicholas II added another 20 thousand rubles. There were up to 100 people in the hospital at the same time. Anna Vyrubova, together with the Empress and her daughters, served there and in other hospitals as sisters of mercy.

Elder and Anna

Contrary to popular belief, it was not Anna Vyrubova who brought Rasputin into the Empress’s house, but Alexandra Feodorovna who introduced her maid of honor to the “Siberian elder.” At the very first meeting, the elder promised that Anna’s desire “to dedicate her whole life to serving Their Majesties” would come true. Later he will predict that the maid of honor will get married, but will not be happy.

And so it happened. In 1907, Anna Taneyeva got married, but divorced a year later.

Rasputin played a huge role in Vyrubova’s life. It was he, as she believed, who saved her after the train accident in 1915, but it was the rumors about their relationship that made Vyrubova “unshakable” among a significant part of the emigrants.

All talk about the alleged outrages in which she participated with Rasputin is refuted by one simple fact: a medical examination in 1918 established that Vyrubova was a virgin.

"Vyrubova's Diary"

In December 1920, together with her mother, Vyrubova fled from Petrograd across the ice of the Gulf of Finland abroad.

In 1923, on Valaam in the Smolensk monastery, Anna took monastic vows with the name Maria, but for health reasons she did not enter any monastery and remained a secret nun in the world. Under your maiden name she has lived in Finland for more than four decades. She died in 1964 at the age of 80.

In exile, Anna Taneyeva wrote an autobiographical book “Pages of My Life.” In 1922 it was published in Paris. In the Soviet Union, apparently, they decided that such an idea of the royal family could be ideologically harmful and published the so-called “Vyrubova’s Diary,” a hoax in which the entire royal entourage and the tsar himself were presented in the worst possible light.

Despite the fact that today the fakeness of the “Diary” has already been proven, excerpts from it can still be found in the scientific community. The most likely authors of “Vyrubova’s Diary” are considered to be the Soviet writer Alexei Tolstoy and a professor of history, an expert on end of the 19th century century Pavel Shchegolev.

Anna Vyrubova (Taneeva) - close associate of the last empress of the Russian Empire, later - a nun. For Alexandra, she was the first and closest friend, and the royal personage called her “dear martyr.”

How it all began

Born Taneyeva, who lived the life of Vyrubova, Anna was a distant relative of the famous Kutuzov, or rather, a great-great-great-granddaughter. For about two decades, the maid of honor's father worked at court as Secretary of State, running the Imperial Chancellery as the most important person. However, this was not a surprise for Taneyev - his father worked in the same position before him, and earlier his grandfather. The family held the position under five emperors.

Surprisingly, many contemporaries, as we know from Anna Vyrubova’s book, considered her to be of simple origin. Such a stereotype was wrong and incorrect. Having gotten married, the woman lost her status as a maid of honor, however, she remained the closest friendly person for the reigning empress. This, by the way, is known from the terms that the reigning lady used to describe her loved ones: she had two “babies”, the little one was her son, the big one was Anna.

Life and death are intertwined so closely

Having been a maid of honor as a girl, Anna Vyrubova was very different from the main imperial entourage. When Alexandra, having married the Russian emperor, arrived in a new country for her, she immediately decided to accept the local faith. The woman showed responsibility, but soon noticed that people around her liked to talk about God, while they did not try to lead a life pleasing to the Lord. The only one who was radically different from those around her was Anna, who soon became Alexandra’s faithful friend for life. This is largely why the empress once called her friend “a dear martyr.” However, life path maids of honor fully justified this name. Showing the humility due to a true Christian, Anna faced a series of difficult trials, but all of them were endured with honor.

As is known from the biography of Anna Vyrubova, being eighteen years old, the girl suffered from typhus. At that moment she was literally on the verge of death. The maid of honor herself explained the fact that she was able to survive by the disposition of John of Kronstadt, her spiritual protector and intercessor.

Troubles don't go away

11 years after a serious illness, the Empress's maid of honor Anna Vyrubova became the victim of a railway accident. It seemed that it would be impossible to save her: numerous fractures left little hope, the victim of the accident did not come to his senses. She fell into the hands of Rasputin, who, as eyewitnesses assured, revived her.

A few more years later, in the notorious 1918, when Anna was going to be shot under the supervision of a Red Army soldier, she met an acquaintance in the crowd - they often ended up at the same time at the burial place of the holy remains of John of Kronstadt on Karpovka. In this monastery, both pious ladies offered prayers to the Lord. The woman asked Anna not to give herself into enemy hands, said that she would pray for her, and promised salvation - it was supposed to come from St. John. As is known from the biography of Anna Vyrubova, she soon happened to get lost in the crowd, then she met an acquaintance who had previously received help from her former maid of honor. Now it was his turn to help, and the man gave the woman 500 rubles. It seemed that Anna had been saved by a miracle.

By hook or by crook

Very difficult in national history find another woman whom they would so carefully and diligently try to denigrate in the eyes of the people. Many are convinced that in the biography of the maid of honor Anna Vyrubova one can only find multiple vicious stories about life situations. Rumors about this had been spreading long before the revolutionary events, and ordinary people were firmly convinced that the imperial power was only suffering from such an environment. They said that thanks to Vyrubova, Rasputin got his place near the tsar, and they gossiped about the outrages that they were organizing together. Moreover, they said that Anna seduced the imperial wife - and achieved success in this.

A book authored by Anna Vyrubova was published - “Pages of My Life”. In it, the former maid of honor told in detail how and where rumors were born in those days. For example, Anna’s sister described to her how one day Lady Derfelden, early in the morning, proudly talked about how she was creating rumors: supposedly the imperial wife was getting her husband drunk. Those around you listen with their mouths literally open - and everyone believes what they hear.

Rumors and their basis

Anna Aleksandrovna Vyrubova was slandered more than once - but people who knew her personally did not believe in the vicious rumors spread by ill-wishers. They said that just meeting Anna could change a person for the better. Rudnev, who was chosen as the investigator in Anna’s case, retained amazing memories. When he first went to interrogate his former maid of honor, he was categorically unfriendly towards the woman - and this is not surprising, because he heard everything that others said about her. When he first saw her, he was impressed by her eyes, their expression - meek, literally unearthly. Further communication with the woman completely confirmed the impression formed at the first meeting.

During her life, Anna Aleksandrovna Vyrubova learned well what captivity is - five times she found herself in places of forced confinement. She first got there under Kerensky, and subsequently under the Bolshevik regime. Anna was tortured. It is known that one of the most intensely hated persecutors, a pockmarked soldier, who constantly pursued the woman, although he did not know her personally, one day suddenly changed. On his brother’s wall, he saw a photograph of Anna and said that for a year she cared for him in the hospital as if he were her son. From that day on, and as long as there were opportunities, this man tried to help Vyrubova in any way he could.

Responsibility and lack thereof

As is known from the memoirs left by Rudnev, Anna Vyrubova was persecuted while she was in prison. He himself found out about them after talking with the woman’s mother. The former maid of honor did not talk about the bullying, but answered a direct question that her tormentors did not understand what they were doing, which means they could not be blamed.

Do good to the best of your ability

From the diaries of Anna Vyrubova it is known that the railway paid her compensation for injuries associated with the disaster, of which the former lady-in-waiting became a victim. In 1915, she received 80,000 rubles. At that time it seemed like a fabulous, incredibly large amount. While the woman was recovering, the Russian Empress visited her every day. At first, Anna could only move in a wheelchair, then she used crutches and a cane. She invested the money received from the railroad in the construction of a hospital intended for soldiers who were seriously injured in the war. The institution was conceived as a place where disabled people would be taught a trade so that these people could provide for their own lives. To create the establishment, the emperor allocated an additional 20,000 rubles. The finished hospital could simultaneously serve about a hundred visitors. The last Russian empress, her girls and her closest friend worked within the walls of the institution as sisters of mercy.

When they talk about the good and the holy, usually the haters of the former maid of honor in defiance mention her connection with Grigory Rasputin. Anna Vyrubova, according to popular belief, introduced this man into the imperial family. However historical facts contradict such beliefs. As follows from reliable sources, it was the empress who introduced her friend to an old man from Siberia. As soon as they met, the man said that Anna’s main desire was to serve the imperial family until her death, and it would come true. He predicted that Anna would be married, that her marriage would be unhappy.

Life shows...

... that Rasputin was right. The young maid of honor Taneyeva got married, was captured in the photo Vyrubova Anna Aleksandrovna, young and happy - but not for long. Just a year after marriage, the woman got divorced.

In the future, the way Anna’s path will turn out will be largely influenced by Rasputin. She was sure that she survived in 1915 only thanks to his efforts. Rumors related to intimacy with the elder will turn Anna into an exile among emigrants - people will be ashamed to shake hands with her, having heard about orgies and other indecencies.

The outrages in which Anna Vyrubova, along with Elder Gregory, allegedly took an active part, were nothing more than invented by haters. In 1918, an official medical examination confirmed that the woman was still a virgin. However, this could not calm the evil tongues.

New places and new events

The year 1920 in the life of Anna Vyrubova was marked by a panicky move to Finland. The woman fled her home country with her mother. To leave Petrograd, it was decided to walk along the ice of the bay - other routes seemed even more dangerous. In 1923, a new nun appeared at the Smolensk monastery - Maria. True, her health was so weak that not a single monastery agreed to take a new one, and the woman became a secret nun, continuing to live among ordinary people. Under the name Taneyev, she lived in Finland for more than 40 years, and died at eighty years old in 1964.

During her emigration years, Anna Vyrubova published a book. She chose its name herself - “Pages of My Memory.” The publication first appeared in print in 1922 in Paris. The USSR believed that such a book could violate the image of the state and become a subversive tool against Bolshevik ideology. “Vyrubova’s Diary” was hastily concocted and published. The former maid of honor had nothing to do with the writing of this book; the publication is entirely a hoax and a fake. The main idea of this book is to expose the imperial family and the inner circle of these people in the most bad light. Nowadays, the falsity of this book has been officially proven, although sometimes even “scientists” resort to it, trying to find support for their opinions. It is assumed that “Vyrubova’s Diary” was co-written by Shchegolev and Tolstoy.

Life is a complicated thing, and close to the king - close to death

In 1920, Anna Vyrubova was able to escape from Petrograd only thanks to the assistance of her sister, who by that time was already living in Finland. Taking their mother, having only a sleigh with them, they crossed the bay in the night. Vyrubova walked barefoot, and the conductor, seeing this, gave her his own socks.

In 1926, a woman read “Prozhektor,” a popular magazine published in the USSR at that time. Cheerful poems in it were interspersed with chronicles and news indicating how good life goes on with advice, essays glorified the beautiful everyday life, and suddenly a photograph of Anna was published in the April issue. The article said that by this time the woman had already died, and during her life she was a Rasputin fan, who largely determined worst years royal power. The article pointed to the protege of Protopopov, who came to power allegedly thanks to Anna. The obituary also indicated that appointments to many government posts passed through her.

Only she knows what Anna Vyrubova felt looking at her photo. Unfair treatment, resentment for being slandered again - such feelings could be completely natural. Perhaps the woman felt light - after all, the Vyrubova about whom they talked and wrote had nothing in common with the real one, and the rumor itself buried the monster that it had created on its own.

But the beginning was so promising!

It seemed that from birth, Taneyev’s children were guaranteed a good, stable life of honor, respect and contentment. The civil servant, devoted to the emperor, was a relative of the famous composer and was friends with Chaliapin. Tchaikovsky spoke well of him. Anna's father received an impeccable education and tried to give the same to his children. When girls from noble families grow up, the best of the best can become maids of honor to the empress - the Taneevs knew about this from an early age, and for Anna such a status was the ultimate dream. The beautiful and simple blue-eyed girl did not yet know that she would be a victim of gossip and ridicule, insinuations that would surround her until her death.

The first ball of Anna Vyrubova, so beautiful in her girlish simplicity and innocence - and this is reflected in old photographs - or more precisely, Taneyeva at that time, happened in 1902. It was then that she was first introduced to the imperial entourage. Shy at first, the girl soon got used to it and only after the first winter season attended 32 balls. However, a few months later she became mortally ill and only miraculously survived. After the first aid provided by John of Kronstadt, Anna received treatment in Baden and Naples. From then until the end of her days, Anna will remember John and no one else in her prayers, considering him her strongest and most caring intercessor.

Career is developing

Anna received her unique code, signifying the status of an imperial maid of honor, in 1903. She was presented with initials decorated with magnificent diamonds, which signified an honorable and coveted position. Subsequently, one of the personal maids of honor fell ill and the women chose Taneeva as a temporary replacement. The Empress immediately became so attached to her, seeing someone close to her, that she left her nearby. The intrigues and gossip that filled the palace did not allow the woman to breathe peacefully, and only Anna’s presence somewhat eased the painful atmosphere of the approaching catastrophe.

Born Alice, who chose the name Alexandra, the empress found herself out of place at the Romanov court, and noble people were wary of the woman chosen by Nicholas II as his wife. She felt an unfriendly attitude, carefully masked by etiquette. The nobility valued impeccable appearance, demanded that everyone speak French as if it were their native language, and expected that the person would behave impeccably and show the same manners. The Empress, however, made mistakes in speaking French, violated minor subtleties of etiquette, and was unable to make friends with her mother-in-law, who was still trying to concentrate maximum power in her hands.

Relationships and harsh reality

For those around them, watching the tenderness between the royal spouses was real torment. Alexandra was naturally shy, and to many this seemed like a sign of arrogance. Every palace corner was full of gossip, and the empress could not find a single friend. And then Anna appeared - a simple and sincere, cheerful and charming girl, seemingly not yet spoiled by the etiquette and poison of society.

The friends had the opportunity to talk about everything in the world, show each other photographs, and read lines from books. Participation and warmth are priceless things that the classics wrote about more than once in their works, and only with the advent of Anna did they enter the life of the last Russian empress. Having gone to the Finnish skerries with the reigning family, Anna heard an amazing confession from the empress - that she would never be lonely again, since she had a friend sent by the Lord.

Where is the truth here?

Those around her hated the young girl for the privileges she had so easily and quickly received as an imperial friend. People couldn't believe that the young girl had no dark intentions or hidden agendas. However, as her friends admitted, Anna really only disinterestedly wanted to be close to the empress she loved. The status of maid of honor was quite prestigious, each owner lived in the palace, had a servant and a carriage, a cab driver, and as a personal maid of honor - an annual salary, but the imperial girlfriend could not count on material support. Officially, she spent only a few months in the status of maid of honor before her wedding. However, many were jealous of this too, because it was believed that ladies-in-waiting had the opportunity to enter into the most profitable marriage possible. In the case of young Taneyeva, this ended in a true nightmare.

About personal life

It so happened that the empress chose naval officer Vyrubov as a husband for her beloved friend. He was a participant in the tragedy of Tsushima and survived literally by a miracle. The disaster was not in vain - the man was a victim of depression, and genetic disorders affected mental condition. This was not noticeable from the outside, so the empress had no idea who she was giving her loved one to. Almost immediately after the wedding, Anna realized that there would be no life in such a marriage, this person was dangerous for her. She lived with her husband, waiting for a divorce, for a year filled with constant fear for her life.

Statuses and capabilities

Both married and divorced women have no right to hold the post of maid of honor, but Anna remained at court, being like a sister to the empress. She became her close friend, was with her on anxious days and happy nights. The friends worked tirelessly side by side in the military hospital, not embarrassed by wounds and injuries. The imperial family called the woman darling.

Anna was kind and they knew about it and took advantage of it. She helped the wounded, but not only that - the pockets of her dresses were constantly filled with notes from those who begged for help. People convinced themselves that the former maid of honor was omnipotent, and turned to her for everything, from help in getting a high position to assistance in purchasing an overcoat so that they could go to school. But Anna had little strength, and any patronage on her part was more likely to harm than to benefit - so they disliked her at court. Of course, Anna could not refuse, she tried to help as best she could, and for this she was considered an intriguer.

In total, 12 years passed under the patronage of the empress at court. Anna admitted in her memoirs that these years were her happiest. She walked the way of the cross with her loved ones until the very end. She supported Alexandra at the moment when her husband abdicated the throne and wrote a memorable phrase in his diary, admitting that only cowards and traitors surrounded him. Together with Alexandra, she nursed the royal children sick with measles - until she herself became infected from them.

How it all ends

After ordeals in her homeland, Anna ended up in Finland, where for the first time the authorities treated her with respect. She was interrogated and her plans were clarified. First, the woman and her mother settled in Terijoki, and from there they moved to Vyborg. Life was difficult, my health was failing, I had to survive in poverty. Other emigrants avoided Anna, and she herself did not try to maintain contact with them. Instead of communication, she chose prayer for herself. In 1939, it was decided to move again - Soviet Union started a war with Finland and there were serious fears that Vyborg would fall under Soviet rule. Shelter was found in Sweden, where at that moment Alexandra's niece was queen, ex-girlfriend Anna's childhood. The royal lady gave Anna a small pension, which turned out to be enough to live the rest of her life with dignity in Helsinki, on Topelius Street. Anna is buried near her home - at the Ilyinsky cemetery. The woman died of old age on July 20, 1964.

Anna Aleksandrovna Vyrubova(born Taneyeva; July 16, Russian Empire - July 20, Helsinki, Finland) - daughter of the chief administrator of His Imperial Majesty's Own Chancellery A.S. Taneyev, great-great-great-granddaughter of Field Marshal Kutuzov, maid of honor, closest and most devoted friend of Empress Alexandra Feodorovna. She was considered one of the most ardent fans of Grigory Rasputin.

Life

Anna Vyrubova on a walk in a wheelchair with V.Kn. Olga Nikolaevna, 1915-1916 (photo from the Beinecke Library)

Taneyeva spent her childhood in Moscow and on the family estate Rozhdestveno near Moscow.

In 1902, she passed the exam at the St. Petersburg educational district for the title of home teacher.

In January 1904, Anna Taneyeva “received a code” - she was appointed city maid of honor, whose duties were to be on duty at balls and appearances under Empress Alexandra Feodorovna.

After this, becoming a close friend of the empress, she was close to the imperial family for many years, accompanied them on many journeys and trips, and was present at closed family events.

Taneyeva was well acquainted with Grigory Rasputin. At her dacha in Tsarskoe Selo, he repeatedly met with members of the imperial family.

In 1907, Anna Taneyeva married naval officer Alexander Vyrubov in Tsarskoe Selo, but the marriage turned out to be short-lived and was already next year fell apart.

With the outbreak of World War I, Vyrubova began working in the hospital as a nurse along with the Empress and her daughters. She also participated in many other events aimed at helping the front and disabled soldiers.

On January 2 (15), 1915, while leaving Tsarskoe Selo for Petrograd, Anna Vyrubova was involved in a train accident, receiving injuries of such severity (including head injuries) that doctors expected an imminent death. However, Vyrubova survived, although she remained crippled for life: after that she could only move in a wheelchair or on crutches; in later years - with a stick. Afterwards, her attending physician Vera Gedroits, with whom she had a tense relationship, began to be blamed for her disability.

On monetary compensation For the injury she received, she organized a military hospital in Tsarskoye Selo.

After February Revolution was arrested by the Provisional Government and, despite her disability, was kept in the Peter and Paul Fortress for several months in difficult conditions on suspicion of espionage and treason, after which “due to the lack of evidence of a crime” she was released.

At the end of August 1917, the Provisional Government decided to deport her abroad; a message about this appeared in the newspapers indicating the day and hour of her departure. In Finland, at the Rihimäkki station, a huge crowd of soldiers took her off the train and she was taken through Helsingfors to the imperial yacht Polar Star, which headed to Sveaborg. A whole month was spent on efforts, and at the end of September N.I. Taneyeva (Vyrubova’s mother) achieved the release of her daughter through Trotsky. A. A. Vyrubova was returned from Sveaborg, taken to Smolny and released again. However, the threat of an imminent new arrest still weighed on her.

Memoirs and “diary” of Vyrubova

In exile, Anna Taneyeva wrote an autobiographical book, “Pages of My Life.”

In the 1920s, the so-called “The Diary of Vyrubova,” but its falsity was almost immediately exposed even by Soviet critics and scientists. Since the “Diary” began to be reprinted abroad, Vyrubova herself had to publicly refute its authenticity. (A number of forged letters written during Soviet times were also attributed to her.)

The most likely authors of the “Diary” are considered to be the Soviet writer A. N. Tolstoy and history professor P. E. Shchegolev (who jointly wrote the play “The Conspiracy of the Empress” with a very similar plot and leitmotifs during the same period). In the book of the head of the Federal Archive Service of Russia, corresponding member of the Russian Academy of Sciences V.P. Kozlov, it is written about this:

The entire set of elements of “covering up” the falsification, the richest factual material suggests that the forger’s pen was in the hands of a professional historian, who was not only well versed in the facts and historical sources of the turn of two centuries, but also possessed the appropriate professional skills. Already the first critical speeches hinted at the name of the famous literary critic and historian, archaeographer and bibliographer P. E. Shchegolev. It is difficult to doubt this even now, although documentary evidence of this guess has not yet been found.

How it all began

Life and death are intertwined so closely

Having been a maid of honor as a girl, Anna Vyrubova was very different from the main imperial entourage. When Alexandra, having married the Russian emperor, arrived in a new country for her, she immediately decided to accept the local faith. The woman showed responsibility, but soon noticed that people around her liked to talk about God, while they did not try to lead a life pleasing to the Lord. The only one who was radically different from those around her was Anna, who soon became Alexandra’s faithful friend for life. This is largely why the empress once called her friend “a dear martyr.” However, the life path of the maid of honor fully justified this name. Showing the humility due to a true Christian, Anna faced a series of difficult trials, but all of them were endured with honor.

Troubles don't go away

By hook or by crook

It is very difficult to find another woman in Russian history who would be so carefully and diligently tried to denigrate in the eyes of the people. Many are convinced that in the biography of the maid of honor Anna Vyrubova one can only find multiple vicious stories about life situations. Rumors about this had been spreading long before the revolutionary events, and ordinary people were firmly convinced that the imperial power was only suffering from such an environment. They said that thanks to Vyrubova, Rasputin got his place near the tsar, and they gossiped about the outrages that they were organizing together. Moreover, they said that Anna seduced the imperial wife - and achieved success in this.

Rumors and their basis

Responsibility and lack thereof

Do good to the best of your ability

When they talk about the good and the holy, usually the haters of the former maid of honor in defiance mention her connection with Grigory Rasputin. Anna Vyrubova, according to popular belief, introduced this man into the imperial family. However, historical facts contradict such beliefs. As follows from reliable sources, it was the empress who introduced her friend to an old man from Siberia. As soon as they met, the man said that Anna’s main desire was to serve the imperial family until her death, and it would come true. He predicted that Anna would be married, that her marriage would be unhappy.

Life shows...

New places and new events

During her emigration years, Anna Vyrubova published a book. She chose its name herself - “Pages of My Memory.” The publication first appeared in print in 1922 in Paris. The USSR believed that such a book could violate the image of the state and become a subversive tool against Bolshevik ideology. “Vyrubova’s Diary” was hastily concocted and published. The former lady-in-waiting had nothing to do with the writing of this book; the entire publication is a hoax and a fake. The main idea of this book is to expose the imperial family and the inner circle of these people in the most bad light. Nowadays, the falsity of this book has been officially proven, although sometimes even “scientists” resort to it, trying to find support for their opinions. It is assumed that “Vyrubova’s Diary” was co-written by Shchegolev and Tolstoy.

Life is a complicated thing, and close to the king - close to death

In 1926, a woman read “Prozhektor,” a popular magazine published in the USSR at that time. Cheerful poems in it were interspersed with chronicles and news indicating how well life was going under the Soviets, essays glorified the beautiful everyday life, and suddenly a photograph of Anna was published in the April issue. The article said that by this time the woman had already died, and during her life she was a Rasputin fan, who largely determined the worst years of tsarist power. The article pointed to the protege of Protopopov, who came to power allegedly thanks to Anna. The obituary also indicated that appointments to many government posts passed through her.

Only she knows what Anna Vyrubova felt looking at her photo. Unfair treatment, resentment for being slandered again - such feelings could be completely natural. Perhaps the woman felt light—after all, the Vyrubova they talked and wrote about had nothing in common with the real one, and the rumor itself buried the monster that it had created on its own.

But the beginning was so promising!

The first ball of Anna Vyrubova, so beautiful in her girlish simplicity and innocence - and this is reflected in old photographs - or more precisely, in those days still Taneyeva, happened in 1902. It was then that she was first introduced to the imperial entourage. Shy at first, the girl soon got the hang of it and attended 32 balls in the first winter season alone. However, a few months later she became mortally ill and only miraculously survived. After the first aid provided by John of Kronstadt, Anna received treatment in Baden and Naples. From then until the end of her days, Anna will remember John and no one else in her prayers, considering him her strongest and most caring intercessor.

Career is developing

Born Alice, who chose the name Alexandra, the empress found herself out of place at the Romanov court, and noble people were wary of the woman chosen by Nicholas II as his wife. She felt an unfriendly attitude, carefully masked by etiquette. The nobility valued impeccable appearance, demanded that everyone speak French as if it were their native language, and expected that a person would behave impeccably and show the same manners. The Empress, however, made mistakes in speaking French, violated minor subtleties of etiquette, and was unable to make friends with her mother-in-law, who was still trying to concentrate maximum power in her hands.

Relationships and harsh reality

Where is the truth here?

Those around her hated the young girl for the privileges she had so easily and quickly received as an imperial friend. People couldn't believe that the young girl had no dark intentions or hidden agendas. However, as her friends admitted, Anna really only disinterestedly wanted to be close to the empress she loved. The status of a maid of honor was quite prestigious, each owner lived in a palace, had a servant and a carriage, a cab driver, and as a personal maid of honor - an annual salary, but the imperial girlfriend could not count on material support. Officially, she spent only a few months in the status of maid of honor before her wedding. However, many were jealous of this too, because it was believed that ladies-in-waiting had the opportunity to enter into the most profitable marriage possible. In the case of young Taneyeva, this ended in a true nightmare.

About personal life

It so happened that the empress chose naval officer Vyrubov as a husband for her beloved friend. He was a participant in the tragedy of Tsushima and survived literally by a miracle. The disaster was not in vain - the man was a victim of depression, and genetic disorders affected his mental state. This was not noticeable from the outside, so the empress had no idea who she was giving her loved one to. Almost immediately after the wedding, Anna realized that there would be no life in such a marriage, this person was dangerous for her. She lived with her husband, waiting for a divorce, for a year filled with constant fear for her life.

Statuses and capabilities

How it all ends

After ordeals in her homeland, Anna ended up in Finland, where for the first time the authorities treated her with respect. She was interrogated and her plans were clarified. First, the woman and her mother settled in Terijoki, and from there they moved to Vyborg. Life was difficult, my health was failing, I had to survive in poverty. Other emigrants avoided Anna, and she herself did not try to maintain contact with them. Instead of communication, she chose prayer for herself. In 1939, it was decided to move again - the Soviet Union started a war with Finland and there were serious fears that Vyborg would fall under Soviet rule. Shelter was found in Sweden, where at that moment the queen was Alexandra's niece, Anna's former childhood friend. The royal lady gave Anna a small pension, which turned out to be enough to live the rest of her life with dignity in Helsinki, on Topelius Street. Anna is buried near her home - at the Ilyinsky cemetery. The woman died of old age on July 20, 1964.

Pages of my life. Anna Taneyeva (Vyrubova)

Approaching with prayer and a feeling of deep reverence the story of my sacred friendship with Empress Alexandra Feodorovna, I want to say briefly - who I am, and how could I, raised in close family circle, get closer to my Empress.

My father, Alexander Sergeevich Taneyev, held a prominent position as Secretary of State and Chief Administrator of His Imperial Majesty's Chancellery for twenty years. By a strange coincidence, the same post was occupied by his grandfather and father under Alexander I, Nicholas I, Alexander II and Alexander III.

My grandfather, General Tolstoy, was the aide-de-camp of Emperor Alexander II, and his great-grandfather was the famous Field Marshal Kutuzov. The mother's great-grandfather was Count Kutaisov, a friend of Emperor Paul I.

Despite my father's high position, our family life was simple and modest. In addition to his official duties, his entire life interest was focused on his family and his favorite music - he occupied a prominent place among Russian composers. I remember quiet evenings at home: my brother, sister and I, seated at a round table, prepared our homework, my mother worked, and my father, sitting at the piano, studied composition. I thank God for a happy childhood, in which I gained strength for the difficult experiences of subsequent years.

***
We girls received our education at home and passed the exam to become teachers in the district. Sometimes, through our father, we sent our drawings and works to the Empress, who praised us, but at the same time told her father that she was amazed that Russian young ladies do not know either housekeeping or needlework and are not interested in anything other than officers.

Raised in England and Germany, the Empress did not like the empty atmosphere of St. Petersburg society, and she still hoped to instill a taste for work. To this end, she founded the Handicraft Society, whose members, ladies and young ladies, were required to make at least three things a year for the poor. At first everyone began to work, but soon, as with everything, our ladies lost interest, and no one could work even three things a year.

***
Life at the Court at that time was cheerful and carefree. At the age of 17, I was first introduced to the Empress Mother in Peterhof in her palace. At first terribly shy, I soon got used to it and had a lot of fun. During this first winter I managed to attend 22 balls, not counting various other amusements. Probably. Overwork affected my health - and in the summer, having contracted typhoid fever, I was near death for 3 months. My brother and I were sick at the same time, but his illness progressed normally, and after 6 weeks he recovered; I developed inflammation of the lungs, kidneys and brain, my tongue was lost, and I lost my hearing. During the long, painful nights, I once saw Fr. John of Kronstadt, who told me that things would soon be better.

As a child, Fr. John of Kronstadt visited us 3 times and with his gracious presence left a deep impression on my soul, and now it seemed to me that he could help more than the doctors and nurses who looked after me. I somehow managed to explain my request: to call Fr. John, - and his father immediately sent him a telegram, which, however, he did not immediately receive, since he was in his homeland. Half-forgotten, I felt that Fr. John is coming to us, and I was not surprised when he entered my room. He served a prayer service, placing the stole on my head. At the end of the prayer service, he took a glass of water, blessed and poured it over me, to the horror of the sister and doctor, who rushed to wipe me off. I immediately fell asleep, and the next day the fever subsided, my hearing returned, and I began to get better.

Grand Duchess Elizaveta Feodorovna visited me three times, and the Empress sent wonderful flowers, which they placed in my hands while I was unconscious.

***
At the end of February 1905, my mother received a telegram from Her Serene Highness Princess Golitsyna, the Empress’ Chamberlain, who asked to let me go on duty - to replace the sick retinue maid of honor, Princess Orbelyani. I immediately went with my mother to Tsarskoye Selo. They gave me an apartment at the museum - small gloomy rooms overlooking the Church of the Sign. Even if the apartment had been more welcoming, I still could hardly overcome the feeling of loneliness, being away from my family for the first time in my life, surrounded by a court atmosphere that was alien to me.

Moreover, the Court was in mourning. February 4 (hereinafter all dates are given according to the old style. - Ed.) was brutally murdered Grand Duke Sergei Alexandrovich, Moscow Governor-General. According to rumors, he was not liked in Moscow, where a serious revolutionary movement had begun, and the Grand Duke was in daily danger.

The Grand Duchess, despite the difficult character of the Grand Duke, was endlessly devoted to him and was afraid to let him go alone. But on that fateful day he left without her knowledge. Hearing a terrible explosion, she exclaimed: “It is Serge.” She hastily ran out of the palace, and a horrifying picture was presented to her eyes: the body of the Grand Duke, torn into hundreds of pieces.

The sad mood at the Court weighed heavily on the soul of the lonely girl. They sewed me a black mourning dress, and I also wore a long crepe veil, like the rest of the maids of honor.

At the request of the Empress, my main duty was to spend time with the sick lady-in-waiting, Princess Orbegliani, who was suffering progressive paralysis. Due to her illness, her character was very difficult. The rest of the court ladies were also not distinguished by their courtesy, I suffered from their frequent ridicule - they especially made fun of my French language.

There was a fast, and on Wednesdays and Fridays, presanctified liturgies for the Empress were served in the camp church of the Alexander Palace. I asked and received permission to attend these services. My friend was Princess Shakhovskaya, maid of honor to Grand Duchess Elizabeth Feodorovna, who had just become orphaned. Always kind and affectionate, she was the first to give me religious books to read.

Came up Holy Week, and they announced to me that my duty was over. The Empress called me into the nursery to say goodbye. I found her in the corner playing room, surrounded by children, with the Heir in her arms. I was amazed by his beauty - he looked so much like a cherub: his whole head was covered in golden curls, huge blue eyes, a white lace dress. The Empress let me hold him in my arms and immediately gave me a medallion (a gray heart-shaped stone surrounded by diamonds) as a souvenir of my first duty, and said goodbye to me.

***
Simple, friendly relations were established between me and the Empress, and I prayed to God to help me dedicate my entire life to the service of Their Majesties. I soon learned that Her Majesty also wanted to bring me closer to her.

We started playing with the Empress in 4 hands. I played well and was used to understanding the notes, but from excitement I lost my place and my fingers froze. We played Beethoven, Tchaikovsky and other composers. I remember our first conversations at the piano and sometimes before bed. I remember how little by little she opened her soul to me, telling me how from the first days of her arrival in Russia she felt that she was not loved, and this was doubly difficult for her, since she married the Tsar only because she loved him , and, loving the Emperor, she hoped that their mutual happiness would bring the hearts of their subjects closer to them.

Not all at once, but little by little, the empress told me about her youth. These conversations brought us closer... I remained a friend and remained with her, not a maid of honor, not a lady of the court, but simply a friend of the Empress Alexandra Feodorovna.

***
In the family circle they often said that it was time for me to get married. Among others, he often visited us Marine officer Alexander Vyrubov. In December he proposed to me. My wedding took place on April 30, 1907 in the church of the Great Tsarskoye Selo Palace. I didn’t sleep all night and got up in the morning with a heavy feeling in my soul. This whole day passed like a dream... During the wedding, I felt like a stranger next to my fiancé... It’s hard for a woman to talk about a marriage that was unsuccessful from the very beginning, and I will only say that my poor husband suffered from a hereditary disease. The husband's nervous system was greatly shocked after Japanese war- at Tsushima; there were moments when he could not control himself; I lay in bed for days without talking to anyone. After a year of difficult experiences and humiliation, our unhappy marriage was dissolved. I stayed to live in a tiny house in Tsarskoe Selo, which my husband and I rented; the room was very cold, since there was no foundation and in winter it blew from the floor. For my wedding, the Empress gave me 6 chairs, with her own embroidery, watercolors and a lovely tea table. I felt very comfortable. When Their Majesties came for tea in the evening, the Empress brought fruits and sweets in her pocket, and the Sovereign brought “cherry brandy.” We then sat with our feet on chairs so that our feet would not freeze. Their Majesties were amused by the simple surroundings. They drank tea with crackers by the fireplace.

***
In the autumn of 1909, for the first time I was in Livadia, the favorite place of stay of Their Majesties on the shores of the Black Sea... Life in Livadia was simple. We walked, rode horses, swam in the sea. The Emperor adored nature and was completely reborn; We walked for hours in the mountains and in the forest. We took tea with us and fried the mushrooms we collected over the fire. The Emperor rode horseback and played tennis every day; I was always his partner while the Grand Duchesses were still little... In the fall, the Heir fell ill. Everyone in the palace was depressed by the poor boy's suffering. Nothing helped him except the care and care of his mother. Those around them prayed in the small palace church. Sometimes we sang during the all-night vigil and mass: Her Majesty, the senior Grand Duchesses, myself and two singers from the court chapel. By Christmas we returned to Tsarskoe Selo. Before leaving, the Emperor walked several times in a soldier’s marching uniform, wanting to experience the weight of the ammunition himself. There were several curious cases when the guards, not recognizing the Emperor, did not want to let him back into Livadia.

Describing life in Crimea, I must say how ardently the Empress took part in the fate of tuberculosis patients who came to Crimea for treatment. Sanatoriums in Crimea were of the old type. After examining them all in Yalta, the Empress decided to immediately build sanatoriums with all the improvements on their estates using her personal funds, which was done.

For hours, on the orders of the Empress, I traveled to hospitals, asking patients on behalf of the Empress about all their needs. How much money I brought from Her Majesty to pay for the treatment of the poor! If I found some glaring case of a lonely dying patient, the Empress immediately ordered a car and went with me personally, bringing money, flowers, fruit, and most importantly, the charm that she always knew how to inspire in such cases, bringing with her into the dying person’s room so much affection and cheerfulness. How many tears of gratitude I have seen! But no one knew about it - the Empress forbade me to talk about it.

In a day " white flower“The Empress went to Yalta in a chaise with baskets of white flowers; the children accompanied her on foot. The delight of the population knew no bounds. The people, at that time untouched by revolutionary propaganda, adored Their Majesties, and this cannot be forgotten.

***
I remember our trips in winter to church for the all-night vigil. The Empress slowly venerated the icons, lit a candle with a trembling hand and prayed on her knees; but the watchman found out - he ran to the altar, the priest became alarmed; They run after the singers and illuminate the dark temple. The Empress is in despair and, turning to me, whispers that she wants to leave. What to do? The sleigh has been sent away. Meanwhile, children and various aunts run into the church, who try, pushing each other, to pass by the Empress and light a candle at the icon where she stood, forgetting why they came; as they light the candles, they turn to look at her, and she is no longer able to pray, she becomes nervous... How many churches have we visited like this! Were there happy Days, when we were not recognized, and the Empress prayed - her soul departing from the bustle of earth, kneeling on the stone floor, unnoticed by anyone in the corner of a dark temple. Returning to her royal chambers, she came to dinner, flushed from the frosty air, with slightly tear-stained eyes, calm, leaving her worries and sorrows in the hands of the Almighty God.

Brought up in a small court, the Empress knew the value of money and therefore was thrifty. Dresses and shoes were passed from the older Grand Duchesses to the younger ones. When she chose gifts for her family or friends, she always took into account the prices.

I personally did not receive any money from the Empress and was often in a difficult situation. I received 400 rubles a month from my parents. They paid 2,000 rubles a year for the dacha. I had to pay the servants' wages and dress as was required at Court, so I never had any money. Her Majesty's ladies-in-waiting received 4 thousand a year for everything ready. I remember how the Empress’s brother, the Grand Duke of Hesse, told the Empress to give me an official place at the Court: then the conversations would cease, and it would be easier for me. But the Empress refused, saying: “Does the All-Russian Empress really not have the right to have a friend! After all, the Empress-Mother had a friend - Princess A. A. Obolenskaya, and Empress Maria Alexandrovna was friends with Mrs. Maltseva.”

Subsequently, the Minister of the Court, Count Fredericks, spoke many times with Her Majesty about my difficult financial situation. At first, the Empress began to give me dresses and materials for the holidays; finally, calling me one day, she said that she wanted to talk to me about a money issue. She asked how much I spent per month, but I couldn’t give an exact figure; then, taking a pencil and paper, she began to calculate with me: salary, kitchen, kerosene, etc. It came out to 270 rubles a month. Her Majesty wrote to Count Fredericks asking that this sum be sent to her from the Ministry of the Court, which she gave to me every first day. After the revolution, during a search, these envelopes were found with the inscription “270 rubles” and 25 rubles in cash. After all the talk, the members of the Investigative Commission were amazed. We searched all the banks and found nothing! Her Majesty has been paying 2 thousand for my dacha in recent years. The only money I had was the 100,000 rubles I received for injury from the railroad. I built an infirmary on them. Everyone thought that I was rich, and what tears it cost me to refuse a request for cash assistance- no one believed that I had nothing.

***
The year 1914 began peacefully and calmly for everyone, which became fatal for our poor Motherland and almost for the whole world. But personally, I have had many difficult experiences; The Empress, without any reason, began to be very jealous of me towards the Emperor.

Considering herself offended in her most cherished feelings, the Empress, apparently, could not resist pouring out her bitterness in letters to loved ones, painting my personality in far from attractive colors.

But, thank God, our friendship, my boundless love and devotion to Their Majesties victoriously passed the test and, as anyone can see from the Empress’s later letters in the same edition, and even more from those appended to this book, “the misunderstanding did not last long, and then left no trace.” disappeared” and subsequently the deeply friendly relations between me and the Empress grew to the point of complete indestructibility, so that no subsequent trials, not even death itself, could separate us from each other.

***
The days before the declaration of war were terrible; I saw and felt how the Emperor was being persuaded to take a dangerous step; war seemed inevitable. The Empress tried with all her might to keep him, but all her reasonable beliefs and requests led to nothing. I played tennis with the children every day; returning, she found the Emperor pale and upset. From conversations with him, I saw that he, too, considered war inevitable, but he consoled himself with the fact that war strengthens national and monarchical feelings, that Russia will become even more powerful after the war, that this is not the first war, etc.

We moved to Tsarskoe Selo, where the Empress organized a special evacuation point, which included about 85 infirmaries in Tsarskoe Selo, Pavlovsk, Peterhof, Luga, Sablina and other places. These hospitals were served by about 10 sanitary trains named after her and the children. In order to better manage the activities of the infirmaries, the Empress decided to personally take a course of wartime nurses with the two senior Grand Duchesses and me. As a teacher, the Empress chose Princess Gedroits, a female surgeon in charge of the Palace Hospital... Standing behind the surgeon, the Empress, like every operating nurse, handed over sterilized instruments, cotton wool and bandages, carried away amputated legs and arms, bandaged gangrenous wounds, not disdaining anything and steadfastly enduring the smells and horrific images of a military hospital during the war.

Having passed the exam, the Empress and the children, along with other sisters who completed the course, received red crosses and certificates for the title of sisters of mercy during the war... A terribly difficult and tiring time began... At 9 o'clock in the morning, the Empress went every day to the Church of the Sign, to the miraculous image, and from there we went to work at the infirmary. Having quickly had breakfast, the Empress devoted the entire day to inspecting other hospitals.

***
Shortly after the events I have related, a train accident occurred on January 2, 1915. I left the Empress at 5 o’clock and went to the city with the 5.20 train... Not reaching 6 versts to St. Petersburg, suddenly there was a terrible roar, and I felt that I was falling somewhere head down and hitting the ground; my legs got tangled, probably in the heating pipes, and I felt them break. For a minute I lost consciousness. When I came to my senses, there was silence and darkness all around. Then the screams and groans of the wounded and dying were heard, crushed under the ruins of the carriages. I myself could neither move nor scream; I had a huge iron bar lying on my head and blood was flowing from my throat. I prayed to die soon, as I was suffering unbearably... For four hours I lay on the floor without any help. The arriving doctor came up to me and said: “She’s dying, you shouldn’t touch her!” A soldier of the railway regiment, sitting on the floor, put my broken legs on his lap, covered me with his overcoat (it was 20 degrees below zero), since my fur coat was torn into pieces.

I remember how they carried me through the crowd of people in Tsarskoe Selo, and I saw the Empress and all the Grand Duchesses in tears. I was transferred to an ambulance, and the Empress immediately jumped into it; sitting down on the floor, she held my head in her lap and encouraged me; I whispered to her that I was dying. For the next six weeks I suffered day and night with inhuman suffering.

***
The railroad gave me 100,000 rubles for the injury. With this money I founded an infirmary for disabled soldiers, where they learned all kinds of crafts; We started with 60 people, and then expanded to 100. Having experienced how hard it is to be a cripple, I wanted to make their life at least a little easier in the future. After all, upon arrival home, their families would begin to look at them as an extra mouth! A year later, we graduated 200 artisans, shoemakers, and bookbinders. This infirmary immediately went amazingly... subsequently, perhaps more than once, my dear disabled people saved my life during the revolution. Still, there are people who remember the good.

***
It is difficult and disgusting to talk about Petrograd society, which, despite the war, had fun and caroused all day long. Restaurants and theaters flourished. According to the stories of one French dressmaker, in no other season were so many suits ordered as in the winter of 1915-1916, and so many diamonds were not bought: it was as if the war did not exist.

In addition to revelry, the society entertained itself with a new and very interesting activity - spreading all kinds of gossip about Empress Alexandra Feodorovna. My sister told me a typical case. One morning Mrs. Derfelden flew in to her with the words: “Today we are spreading rumors in factories that the Empress is getting the Tsar drunk, and everyone believes it.” I am telling you about this typical case, since this lady was very close to the grand ducal circle, which overthrew Their Majesties from the throne and unexpectedly themselves.

The atmosphere in the city thickened, rumors and slander against the Empress began to assume monstrous proportions, but Their Majesties, and especially the Sovereign, continued to attach no importance to them and treated these rumors with complete contempt, not noticing the impending danger.

How often have I seen anger and ill will in the eyes of courtiers and various high-ranking persons. I always noticed all these views and realized that it could not be otherwise after the persecution and slander that was launched through me to denigrate the Empress.

***
We went to Headquarters to visit the Emperor. Probably all these eminent foreigners who lived at Headquarters worked equally with Sir Buchanan (English Ambassador - Ed.). There were many of them: General Williams with a headquarters from England, General Janin from France, General Rikkel - a Belgian, as well as Italian, Serbian and Japanese generals and officers. One day after breakfast, all of them and our generals and staff officers crowded into the garden while Their Majesties were talking with the guests. Behind me, foreign officers were talking loudly, calling the Empress offensive names and making comments publicly... I walked away, I felt almost sick.

The Grand Dukes and officials of the headquarters were invited to breakfast, but the Grand Dukes often “fell ill” and did not appear for breakfast during Her Majesty’s arrival; General Alekseev (Chief of Staff - Ed.) also “fell ill.” The Emperor did not want to notice their absence. The Empress was tormented, not knowing what to do. I personally constantly guessed various insults, both in glances and in “kind” handshakes, and I understood that this anger was directed through me at the Empress.

Among the lies, intrigues and malice, there was, however, one bright place in Mogilev, where I brought my sick soul and tears. It was the Brotherhood Monastery. Behind a high stone wall on the main street is a lonely white temple, where two or three monks celebrated services, spending their lives in poverty and deprivation. There was a miraculous icon of the Mogilev Mother of God, whose good face shone in the twilight of the poor stone church. Every day I snatched a minute to go and venerate the icon. Having heard about the icon, the Empress also went to the monastery twice. The Emperor was also there, but in our absence. In one of the most difficult moments of mental anguish, when an inevitable catastrophe seemed close to me, I remember I took my diamond earrings to the Mother of God. By a strange coincidence, the only small icon that I was later allowed to have in the fortress was the icon of the Mother of God of Mogilev - having taken away all the others, the soldiers threw it on my lap. Hundreds of times a day and during scary nights I pressed her to my chest.

My soul became heavier and heavier; General Voeikov complained that the Grand Dukes sometimes ordered trains for themselves an hour before the Tsar’s departure, without regard for him, and if the general refused, they built all sorts of intrigues and intrigues against him.

***
Every day I received dirty anonymous letters threatening to kill me, etc. The Empress, who understood these circumstances better than all of us, as I already wrote, immediately ordered me to move to the palace, and I sadly left my house, not knowing that I had already I'll never go back there. By order of Their Majesties, from that day on, my every step was guarded. When I went to the infirmary, the orderly Zhuk always accompanied me; I wasn’t even allowed to walk around the palace alone.

Little by little, life in the palace returned to normal. The Emperor read aloud to us in the evenings. At Christmas (1917 - Ed.) there were ordinary Christmas trees in the palace and in the infirmaries; Their Majesties gave gifts to the surrounding retinue and servants; but they did not send gifts to the Grand Dukes this year. Despite the holiday, Their Majesties were very sad: they experienced deep disappointment in loved ones and relatives, whom they had previously trusted and loved, and it seems that the Sovereign and Empress of All Russia have never been as lonely as they are now. Betrayed by their own relatives, slandered by people who were called representatives of Russia in the eyes of the whole world, Their Majesties had around them only a few devoted friends and ministers appointed by them, who were all condemned by public opinion... The Emperor is constantly reproached for not knowing how to choose themselves ministers. At the beginning of his reign, he took on people who were trusted by his late father, the Emperor Alexander III. Then he took it according to his choice. Unfortunately, the war and revolution did not give Russia a single name that posterity could proudly repeat...we Russians too often blame others for our misfortune, not wanting to understand that our situation is the work of our own hands, we are all to blame, The upper classes are especially to blame. Few people fulfill their duty in the name of duty and Russia. The sense of duty was not instilled in childhood; in families, children were not raised in love for the Motherland, and only the greatest suffering and the blood of innocent victims can wash away our sins and the sins of entire generations.

***
Sovereign Nicholas II was, of course, as a person, accessible to all human weaknesses and sorrows, but in this difficult moment (abdication - Ed.) of deep resentment and humiliation, I still could not convince myself that his enemies would triumph; I couldn’t believe that the Tsar, the most generous and honest of the entire Romanov Family, would be condemned to become an innocent victim of his relatives and subjects. But the tsar, with a completely calm expression in his eyes, confirmed all this, adding that “if all of Russia on its knees asked him to return to the throne, he would never return.” Tears sounded in his voice when he spoke about his friends and family, whom he trusted most and who turned out to be accomplices in his overthrow from the throne. He showed me telegrams from Brusilov, Alekseev and other generals, from members of his Family, including Nikolai Nikolaevich: everyone asked His Majesty on their knees to abdicate the throne to save Russia. But renounce in favor of whom? In favor of the weak and indifferent Duma! No, for their own benefit, so that, using the name and prestige of Alexei Nikolaevich, the regency they have chosen would rule and enrich themselves!..

I realized that for Russia it was all over now. The army had decayed, the people had completely fallen morally, and my eyes were already filled with the horrors that awaited us all.

***
(Trubetskoy bastion of the Peter and Paul Fortress)

Anyone who experienced the first moment of imprisonment will understand what I experienced: black, hopeless grief and despair. Out of weakness, I fell onto the iron bed; There were puddles of water all around on the stone floor, water was flowing down the glass, darkness and cold; The tiny window near the ceiling did not let in any light or air, and it smelled damp and musty. There is a closet and a sink in the corner. An iron table and a bed are attached to the wall. On the bed lay a thin hair mattress and two dirty pillows. A few minutes later I heard the keys being turned in the double or triple locks of the huge iron door, and some terrible man with a black beard entered, with dirty hands and an evil, criminal face, surrounded by a crowd of insolent, disgusting soldiers. On his orders, the soldiers tore the mattress off the bed, removed the second pillow and then began to tear off the icons and gold rings from me. This individual told me that he was here instead of the Minister of Justice and it depended on him to establish a regime for the prisoners. Subsequently, he gave his last name - Kuzmin, a former convict who spent 15 years in hard labor in Siberia.

I was literally starving. Twice a day they brought half a bowl of some kind of mud, like soup, into which the soldiers often spat and put glass. He often smelled like rotten fish, so I would hold my nose and swallow a little, just so as not to die of hunger... Not once in all these months was I allowed to bring food from home.

Our life was slow death penalty. Every day we were taken out for 10 minutes to a small courtyard with several trees; There was a bathhouse in the middle of the yard. Six armed soldiers took all the prisoners out one by one. On the first morning, when I came out of the cold and the smell of the grave on Fresh air even for these 10 minutes, I came to my senses, feeling that I was still alive, and somehow it became easier... I think no garden in the world has brought anyone as much joy as our wretched garden in the fortress. I breathed God's air, looked at the sky, carefully watched every cloud, peered into every grass, every leaf on the bushes.

I never took my clothes off; I had two woolen scarves; I put one on my head, the other on my shoulders: I covered myself with my coat. It was cold from the wet floor and walls. I slept for 4 hours. When I woke up, I warmed myself in the only warm corner of the cell, where there was a stove outside: I stood for hours on my crutches, leaning against a dry wall.

Now we need to talk about the main tormentor, the doctor of the Trubetskoy bastion - Serebryannikov. He appeared on the first day of detention and then walked around the cells almost every day. Fat, with an angry face and a huge red bow on his chest. He tore off my shirt in front of the soldiers, brazenly and rudely mocking me.

These days I could not pray and only repeated the words of the Savior: “God, my God, you have forsaken me!”

After a week of imprisonment, we were told that guards from the women’s prison would be on duty. The first matron was a lively young lady who flirted with all the soldiers and did not pay much attention to us; the second is older, with meek, sad eyes. From the very first minute she understood the depth of my suffering and was our support and guardian angel. Truly there are saints on earth, and she was holy. I don’t want to mention her name, but I will talk about her as our angel. She did everything in her power to make our miserable existence easier. I will never be able to thank her enough in my life. Seeing that we were literally dying of hunger, she used her meager funds to buy a little sausage, a piece of cheese or chocolate, etc. She was not allowed to enter alone, but, leaving after the soldiers, the last one out of the cell, she managed to throw a package in the corner near the closet, and I would rush like a hungry animal to the bag, eat it in this corner, pick up and throw away all the crumbs.

She brought me my first joy by giving me a red egg for Easter.

I don’t know how to describe this bright holiday in prison. I felt forgotten by God and people. On Bright Night I woke up from the ringing of bells and sat up in bed, shedding tears. Several drunken soldiers burst in, saying “Christ is Risen!” We said Christ. In their hands they had plates with Easter and pieces of Easter cake; but they surrounded me. “She needs to be tortured more, as someone close to the Romanovs,” they said. The priest asked the government for permission to walk around the prisoners with a cross, but he was refused. On Good Friday we were all confessed and received Holy Communion; They took us one by one to one of the cells; a soldier stood at the entrance. The priest cried with me in confession. I will never forget the affectionate father John Rudnev; he has gone to a better world. He took our overwhelming grief so deeply to heart that he fell ill after these confessions.

It was Easter, and in my wretched surroundings I sang Easter songs, sitting on my bed. The soldiers thought I was crazy, and when they entered, they threatened to beat me and demanded that I shut up. Laying my head on a dirty pillow, I began to cry... But suddenly I felt something strong under the pillow and, putting my hand in, I felt the egg. I didn't dare believe my joy. In fact, under the dirty pillow stuffed with straw lay a red egg, laid by the kind hand of my only friend now, our matron. I think not a single red testicle that day brought so much joy: I pressed it to my heart, kissed it and thanked God.

***
On April 23, on the Empress’s name day, when I was especially despairing and sad, Doctor Manukhin, an infinitely kind and wonderful person, walked around our cells for the first time. With his arrival, we felt that there is God in heaven and we are not forgotten by him. For him, we were all patients, not prisoners. He demanded to be shown our food and ordered that we give each person a bottle of milk and two eggs a day. How he managed this, I don’t know, but he had an iron will, and although at first the soldiers wanted to raise him with bayonets several times, they eventually submitted to him, and he, despite the rudeness and troubles, forgetting himself, his health and strength, in the name of love for suffering humanity, he did everything to save us.

Rudnev's interrogations continued all the time. I once asked Dr. Manukhin: why are they torturing me for so long? He reassured me, saying that they would sort it out, but warned me that an even worse interrogation awaited me.

A few days later he came to me alone, closed the door, saying that the Commission had instructed him to talk to me face to face, and therefore this time the soldiers were not accompanying him. The Extraordinary Commission, he said, had almost completed its consideration of my case and had come to the conclusion that the accusations were baseless, but that I needed to go through this “doctoral” interrogation in order to rehabilitate myself, and that I must agree to this!.. When the “interrogation” " ended, I lay broken and tired on the bed, covering my face with my hands. From that moment on, Doctor Manukhin became my friend - he understood the deep, hopeless grief of the undeserved slander that I had suffered for so many years.

***
(Arrest House, Furshtadtskaya 40)

The month that I spent in the Arrest House was relatively calm and happy, although sometimes it was scary, since at that time the Bolsheviks made their first attempt to head the government.

The commandant, having learned that I had a camp church in the infirmary, asked me if I would allow me to serve mass for all the prisoners. Since the greatest desire of the officers was to receive Holy Communion. This mass coincided with my birthday on July 16th. This service was touching: all these unfortunate people, tortured in prisons, stood on their knees throughout the mass; many cried uncontrollably, and I cried too, standing in the corner, listening to this first mass after inexplicable torment.

In the Arrest House I began to recover. All day I sat by the open window and could not stop admiring the greenery in the garden and the small church of Kosma and Damian. But most of all it gave me pleasure to look at people passing and passing. My complexion turned from earthy to normal, but for a long time I could not get used to talking, and it tired me terribly. By evening I was nervous: it seemed to me that shooters from the fortress would come for me.

***
On July 24, a telegram arrived from the prosecutor’s office asking one of my relatives to come and receive paperwork for my release.

Of course, I didn’t dare go to Tsarskoe. From my faithful Berchik I learned how they searched my house, how the Provisional Government offered him 10 thousand rubles if only he would say nasty things about me and the Empress; but he, who served in our family for 45 years, refused, and he was sent to prison, where he spent a whole month. During the first search, they tore off the carpets in my room and raised the floor, looking for the “underground passage to the palace” and secret telegraph wires to Berlin. They looked for “Vyrubova’s office,” but found nothing, and were terribly annoyed. But the main thing they were looking for was wine cellars, and they couldn’t believe that I didn’t have wine.

***
On the evening of August 24, as soon as I went to bed, at 11 o’clock a commissar appeared from Kerensky with two “adjutants”; they said that I, as a counter-revolutionary, would be sent abroad within 24 hours. The morning of the 26th was cold and rainy, my soul was inexpressibly heavy. We went to the station in two cars... dear parents was allowed to accompany me to Teriok. Our carriage was the first from the locomotive. At 7 o'clock in the morning the train started moving - I burst into tears. My uncle jokingly called me an emigrant. Despite all the torment that I had been subjected to in recent months, the “emigrant” was killed at the thought of leaving her homeland.

Approaching Riihimäki, I saw a crowd of several thousand soldiers on the platform; All of them, apparently, were waiting for our train and surrounded our carriage with wild screams. In one minute they unhooked him from the locomotive and burst in, demanding that we be given over to be torn to pieces. “Give us Grand Dukes. Let’s get General Gurko...” A carload full of them piled in. I thought it was all over, I sat holding the hand of the sister of mercy. “Here he is, General Gurko,” they shouted, running towards me. It was in vain that my sister assured me that I was a sick woman - they did not believe me, they demanded that I be undressed, assuring me that I was Gurko in disguise. Probably, we would all have been torn to pieces on the spot, if not for two sailor delegates from Helsingfors who arrived by car: they flew into the carriage, pushed out half the soldiers, and one of them - tall, thin, with a pale, kind face (Antonov) - addressed a thunderous speech to a crowd of thousands, urging them to calm down and not commit lynching, as this is a shame. He managed to influence them, so that the soldiers calmed down a little and allowed them to attach the carriage to the locomotive for further travel to Helsingfors.

We found ourselves on the yacht "Polar Star", with which I have so many dear memories of sailing - on the same waters with Their Majesties. The yacht passed, like all the property of the Sovereign, into the hands of the Provisional Government. Now “Tsentrobalt” sat on it. It was impossible to recognize the wonderful dining room of Their Majesties in the spit-stained, dirty and smoke-filled cabin. At the same tables sat about a hundred “rulers” - dirty, brutal sailors. A meeting took place at which issues and the fate of the ruined fleet and poor Russia were decided.

There was some kind of “Congress of Soviets” in Petrograd and a change in government was expected. In the event of Kerensky's departure, the sailors decided to let us go... the issue regarding us was resolved positively by the Regional Committee... Trotsky stood at the head of the Petrograd Soviet, to whom we were forwarded.

At 9 o'clock in the morning we arrived in Petrograd... in Smolny. We found ourselves in a huge corridor along which soldiers were wandering. I was happy to hug my dear mother, who ran in with other relatives. Soon Kamenev and his wife arrived; After greeting us all, he said that we were probably hungry and ordered everyone to bring lunch. They decided to call someone from the investigative commission by phone, but could not find anyone, since it was Sunday and the holiday of the Intercession (I always hoped that on this day Mother of God will protect us). Kamenev said that he personally would let us go on all four sides... The next day, all the newspapers were full of us... Entire articles were dedicated to me and Kameneva: legends began to spread, which ended with stories that I was sitting in Smolny, that they saw me there as “their eyes”, that I am riding with Kollontai and hiding Trotsky, etc.

***
Oddly enough, but the winter of 1917 - 1918. and the summer of 1918, when I was hiding in my small apartment on the 6th floor in Petrograd, were relatively calm, although the capital was in the hands of the Bolsheviks, and I knew that no life was safe. Food was scarce, prices were enormous, and the general situation was getting worse and worse.

I believed, hoped and prayed that the terrible situation in Russia was temporary, and that a reaction would soon come, and the Russian people would understand their mistake and sin towards the dear prisoners in Tobolsk. It seemed to me that the writer Gorky had the same opinion, who probably wanted to see me out of curiosity... Gorky treated me kindly and sympathetically. He told me that I had the responsible task of writing the truth about Their Majesties “to reconcile the king with the people.” He advised me to live more quietly, without reminding myself. I saw him two more times and showed him several pages of my memories, but it was impossible to write in Russia.

***
At the end of the summer of 1918, life in Russia took on a chaotic character: despite the fact that the shops were closed, it was possible to purchase some provisions at the markets. Prices were already prohibitively high. A pound of bread cost several hundred rubles, and butter - several thousand... I remember a difficult day when I only had five kopecks left in my pocket; I sat in the Tauride Garden on a bench and cried. When I returned home, my mother, who had been sick in bed all summer, told me that an acquaintance had just visited us and brought us 20 thousand rubles, having learned about our poverty. After that he disappeared, and we never knew what became of him. Thanks to his help, I was able to send the royal family the necessary things and clothes.

On the night of October 7, my mother and I were awakened by strong knocks on the door, and about 8 armed soldiers from Gorokhovaya burst into our door to conduct a search and also arrest me and the sister of mercy... About ten minutes later they arrived at Gorokhovaya... When it began to dawn, the arrested began to rise; a soldier with a gun led parties into a dirty latrine. They washed their faces right there under the tap. The head of the arrested women was chosen to be the one who was in the Cheka the longest. Not knowing what I was accused of, I lived from hour to hour in constant fear, like everyone else, however... Often at night, when we fell asleep tired, an electric light woke us up, and the soldiers called one of the women: frightened, she got up, collecting their belongings, some returned, others disappeared... and no one knew what awaited everyone. After shouting out my name, they added: “to the Vyborg prison.” They took me down to the street. I still had some money, so I asked the soldier to take a cab and let me see my mother along the way. It was already evening, the trams were not running. It was raining. We hired a cab driver for 60 rubles to the Vyborg prison; I gave all the remaining money to the soldier, and he agreed to stop near our house.

How many times they interrogated and tortured me, inventing all kinds of accusations! By October 25, the Bolshevik holiday, many of us were released... But the amnesty did not apply to “political” ones. On the evening of November 10, the assistant warden called me, saying that an order had come from Gorokhova to immediately escort me there... Almost immediately they called me in for interrogation... For about an hour they shouted at me with terrible anger, assuring me that I was a member of a German organization, that I had some plans against the Cheka, that I was a dangerous counter-revolutionary and that I would certainly be shot, like all the “bourgeois”, since their policy, the Bolsheviks, was the “destruction” of the intelligentsia, etc. I tried not to lose my composure, seeing that in front of me were mentally ill people... When I returned, I fell on a dirty bed; The interrogation lasted three hours... A painful hour passed. The soldier appeared again and shouted: “Taneeva! Set your things free..."

At home, trouble awaited me: a sister of mercy, whom I had known since 1905, who served in my infirmary and after my imprisonment settled with me and my mother, stole all my remaining gold things.

***
The winter of 1919 was spent quietly. But I was very nervous: I found peace only in churches. She often went to the Lavra, to her father’s grave: she was always at Karpovka with Fr. John. Occasionally I saw some friends; many kind people did not leave me and my mother, they brought us bread and food. Weigh their names, O Lord!..

Summer has arrived, hot as in the previous year. The mother developed severe dysentery. Dear Doctor Manukhin saved her, just like last year. Wholesale searches began in all areas of the city. Cars with soldiers and women drove around all night, and whole companies were arrested. Usually this summer the electricity went out at 7 pm, but when it came on again in the evening, the townsfolk knew that a search was expected, and they shook. These gentlemen visited us seven times, but behaved decently. At the end of July I was arrested again.

Arriving at the headquarters of the Petrograd Defense on Malaya Morskaya, they sat me down in the office on a leather sofa while they had a “meeting” about me. “How long will they keep me here?” I asked. “No one is kept here - they shoot or release!..” Instead of asking about weapons and bombs, they brought an album of my photographs taken in Mogilev and taken from me... they demanded that I explain each photograph, and also asked the same questions about the Tsar’s family... “Look, look how cute they are,” they said, looking at photographs of the Grand Duchesses. Then they announced to me that they were letting me go home. (The interrogation took place just immediately after the execution royal family, so it’s especially cynical: “Look, look how cute they are.” - Ed.)

***
A month later, the White Army began its offensive against Petrograd. The city was declared under martial law, and searches and arrests doubled. The authorities were nervous. Soldiers studied everywhere and airplanes flew. Since the summer, cards have also been introduced, according to which the unfortunate population received less and less food. Epidemics began to rage. The intelligentsia were the most hungry, receiving in public canteens two spoons of water with potatoes, instead of soup, and a spoonful of porridge... On the eve of the Exaltation, I was at night prayer in the Lavra; started at 11 o'clock. evenings. All-night vigil, midnight office, general unction and early mass. The cathedral was so crowded that, as they say, there was nowhere for the apple to fall. Before lunch there was a general confession, conducted by priest Vvedensky. Metropolitan Benjamin read a prayer of permission. We approached the Holy Mysteries for more than an hour: we had to move squeezed among the crowd, so that we couldn’t even raise our hand to cross ourselves. The sun was shining brightly when at 8 o'clock in the morning the joyful crowd came out of the gates of the Lavra; no one even felt particularly tired. In churches, people sought reassurance from the bitter experiences and losses of this terrible time.

On the evening of September 22, I went to a lecture in one of the remote churches and stayed overnight with friends, since going home in the evening was both far and dangerous. All Lately melancholy and eternal fear did not leave me; that night I saw Fr. John of Kronstadt in a dream. He told me: “Don’t be afraid, I’m with you all the time!” I decided to go straight from my friends to early mass in Karpovka and, having received Holy Communion, returned home. I was surprised to find the back door locked. When I called, my mother opened the door, all in tears, and with her were two soldiers who had come to take me to Gorokhovaya... Our room was full; Next to me was a blond Finnish young lady who had been arrested for trying to leave for Finland. She now served as a typist in the emergency department and worked at night: she compiled lists of those arrested and therefore knew in advance about the fate of many. In addition, this young lady was courted by the chief commissioner, an Estonian. Returning from her service at night, she quietly conveyed to her friend, the tall, red-haired Georgian woman Menabda, who exactly would be taken to Kronstadt to be shot. I realized that the worst was awaiting me, and I went completely cold... “Menabde to freedom, Vyrubova to Moscow,” shouted the chief of commissars as he entered our cell on the morning of October 7th. At night I began to bleed heavily; The headman and the doctor tried to protest against the order, but he repeated: “If she doesn’t go, take her by force.” Two soldiers came in and grabbed me. But I asked them to leave me and, having tied my knot, I opened my little Gospel. The gaze fell on the 6th verse of the 3rd chapter of Luke: “And all flesh shall see the salvation of God.” A ray of hope sparkled in the tormented heart. They hurried me, they said that first they would take me to Shpalernaya, then to Vologda. But I knew where I was being led. “We can’t mess with her,” the commissioner told the headman.

And here something happened that the reader can call it whatever he wants. But what do I call a miracle. The tram we were supposed to transfer to was delayed somewhere and a large crowd of people was waiting. I stood there with my soldier, but after a few minutes he got tired of waiting and, telling him to wait one minute while he looked where our tram was, he ran off to the right. At that moment, an officer of the Sapper Regiment, whom I had once helped, first approached me, asked if I recognized him, and, taking out 500 rubles, put it in my hand, saying that the money could be useful to me... At that time, she came up to me with quick steps one of the women with whom I often prayed together at Karpovka: she was one of Fr. John of Kronstadt. “Don’t give yourself into the hands of your enemies,” she said, “go, I pray.” Father Father John will save you." It was as if someone had pushed me; hobbling with my cane, I walked along Mikhailovskaya Street (my bundle was left with the soldier), straining my last strength and loudly crying out: “Lord, save me! Father John, save me!” I got to Nevsky: there are no trams. Should I run into the chapel? I don't dare. I crossed the street and walked along the Perinnaya Line, looking around. I see a soldier running after me. Well, I think it's over. I leaned against the house, waiting. The soldier, having run, turned onto the Catherine Canal. Whether it was this one or another, I don’t know. I walked along Chernyshev Lane. My strength began to weaken, it seemed to me that just a little more and I would fall. The hat fell off my head, my hair fell, passersby looked at me, probably mistaking me for crazy. I reached Zagorodny. There was a cab driver standing on the corner. I ran up to him, but he shook his head. "Busy". Then I showed him a 500-ruble note that I was holding in my left hand. “Sit down,” he shouted. I gave the address of friends outside Petrograd.

***
How can I describe my wanderings in the following months? Like a hunted animal, I hid in one dark corner, then in another.

The year was 1920. The Lord, through good people, did not leave me... Letters began to arrive from abroad from my mother’s sister, who convinced us to agree to go to her... But how to leave our homeland? I knew that God is so great that if He wants to preserve, then His hand is always and everywhere over us. And why is there more security abroad? God, what did this step cost me!..

We set off: I was barefoot, in a tattered coat. My mother and I met at the railway station and, after passing several stations, we got out. Darkness. We were ordered to follow a boy with a sack of potatoes, but we lost him in the darkness. We are standing in the middle of a village street: mother with a single bag, me with my stick. Shouldn't we go back? Suddenly a girl in a headscarf emerged from the darkness, explained that she was this boy’s sister, and ordered him to follow her into the hut. The Finns hesitated, not daring to go, as a dance was taking place nearby. At 2 o'clock in the morning they whispered to us: get ready. They walked out onto the porch without making any noise. A large Finnish sleigh was hidden in the yard. They drove away just as silently. Almost the entire time we walked at a pace across the bay: there was a thaw and huge cracks in the ice. One of the Finns walked ahead, measuring with an iron stick. Every now and then they stopped, listening. To the left, close, the lights of Kronstadt seemed to flicker. Hearing a steady knock, they turned around with the words “pursuit,” but later we learned that this sound was made by the icebreaker “Ermak”, which was moving, cutting through the ice behind us. We were the last to pass. It was almost daylight when we ran up to the Finnish coast and rushed along roundabout roads to the Finnish house, fearing here that we would fall into the hands of the Finnish police. Numb, tired, with little understanding, my mother and I came to quarantine, where all the Russian refugees were kept... We were washed, fed and little by little clothed. What a strange feeling it was to put on the boots.

Both my mother and I had a soul full of inexplicable suffering: if it was hard in our dear Motherland, even now it is sometimes lonely and difficult without a home, without money... But we, with all the expelled and remaining sufferers, in the tenderness of our hearts, cried out to the merciful God for saving our dear Fatherland.

“The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man does to me.”

(Fragments of the book are printed based on the text prepared by Yu. Rassulin for the Blago publishing house in 2000)

Views