A letter to my father, who didn't need me. Letter to Father

The relationship between father and daughter is always special - warm and very reverent. 50 years ago, one father decided to convey to his daughter an important truth that would help her in life, he put it on paper. Let's find out why this letter resonates with modern parents so much!

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In 1966, investment analyst Harry Brown wrote a letter to his nine-year-old daughter for Christmas that is still quoted today. He explained to the girl that nothing in this world - not even love - should be taken for granted.

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Hello, honey.

It's Christmas and I have the usual problem of what gift to choose for you. I know what makes you happy - books, games, dresses. But I am very selfish. I want to give you something that will stay with you for more than a few days or even years. I want to give you something that will remind you of me every Christmas. And, you know, I think I chose a gift. I will give you one simple truth that I had to learn for many years. If you understand it now, you will enrich your life with hundreds of different ways and this will protect you from a lot of problems in the future.

SO THIS: NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING.

This means that no one lives for you, my child. Because no one is you. Every person lives for himself. The only thing he can feel is his own happiness. If you understand that no one should organize your happiness, you will be freed from expecting the impossible.

This means that no one is obliged to love you. If someone loves you, it means there is something special about you that makes them happy. Find out what it is, try to make it stronger, and then you will be loved even more.

When people do something for you, it's only because they want to do it themselves. Because there is something about you that is important to them - something that makes them want to like you. But not at all because they owe you. If your friends want to be with you, it's not out of a sense of duty.

Nobody should respect you. And some people won't be kind to you. But the moment you learn that no one is obliged to do good to you, and that someone can be unkind to you, you will learn to avoid such people. Because you don't owe them anything either.

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AGAIN: NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING!

You must become the best, first of all, for yourself. Because if you succeed, other people will want to be with you, they will want to give you things in exchange for what you can give them. And someone will not want to be with you, and the reasons will not be in you at all. If this happens, just look for another relationship. Don't let someone else's problem become yours.

The moment you understand that the love and respect of others must be earned, you will no longer expect the impossible and you will not be disappointed. Others are not obligated to share their property, feelings, or thoughts with you. And if they do it, it will be only because you earned it. And then you can be proud of the love you deserve and the sincere respect of your friends. But you should never take all this for granted. If you do this, you will lose all these people. They are not “yours by right.” You have to achieve them and “earn” them every day.

It was like a weight lifted off my shoulders when I realized that no one owed me anything. While I thought I was owed, I spent an awful lot of effort, physical and emotional, to get what I deserved. But in reality, no one owes me good behavior, respect, friendship, politeness or intelligence. And the moment I realized this, I began to get much more satisfaction from all my relationships.

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I focused on people who want to do the things I need them to do. And it has served me well - with friends, business partners, lovers, vendors and strangers. I always remember that I can only get what I need if I enter the world of my interlocutor. I have to understand how he thinks, what he considers important, what he ultimately wants. This is the only way I can get from him something I need. And only by understanding a person can I say whether I really need something from him.

It is not so easy to summarize in one letter what I have managed to understand over many years. But maybe if you re-read this letter every Christmas, its meaning will become a little clearer to you every year.

NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING!

A male is a person who does everything himself Similar statuses You have already voted 3195 little son asks his father: “Dad, why did you marry mom?” The father, with a triumphant smile, turns to his wife: “You see, even the child is surprised!” Similar statuses You have already voted 1402 There is only one person whom I envy: my mother, because she has such beautiful daughter! Similar statuses You have already voted 101 There is nothing uglier than a man who thinks he is handsome Similar statuses You have already voted 154 “True loneliness is the presence of a person who does not understand you” Similar statuses You have already voted 83 Everyone has a friend who constantly ruins excellent photos :)) Similar statuses You have already voted 38 The only holiday that is always with us is a masquerade ball of human hypocrisy! Similar statuses You have already voted 89 A lazy person is a person who does not pretend to work.

Sad statuses about dad

A variety of feelings can be associated with a father, because for some he is loving and caring, while for others it is quite the opposite.

Sad statuses about your dad give you the opportunity to feel a little sad about the fact that your father paid you insufficient attention and gave you too little affection and love.

Also, these statuses provide an opportunity to feel a little sad about the fact that the father left the family prematurely for one reason or another.

Interesting and life statuses, which can be read a little below, can reflect a variety of current situations that are typical for many families and fathers.

Info

There is one woman, his beloved daughter, in front of whom dad can be himself and not try to look better, more beautiful, more impressive, smarter and more courageous.

The dad who abandoned his family

Don't destroy your soul. Respect them and your mothers! And don’t use the word like a punching bag.

Attention

Live for their sake and their happiness. Don’t look at evil people. Love children more than life, so that the villain dies of envy.

Fathers do not abandon their daughters! After all, in painfully dear eyes, just like in animals, grief is reflected in tears.
After exchanging unnecessary phrases, it’s easier to leave and slam the door, and only then with your own eyes, someone else’s, to penetrate the soul of your own losses.
Having justified what may have happened earlier, you have already abandoned your wives, children, mothers... There is no worse act in this life. There is nothing worse than such “crackers.”
Fathers do not abandon their daughters, Deceive their illnesses with your love, There is nothing worse in the world when you leave them alone in trouble.
There is nothing more expensive than their warm little hands, Which beckon and call you along, They hold all of life, the best drawing, Reflection of real days.

Statuses about a father who abandoned his daughter

I will give my life for you, I love you, dad and mom! They say your best friend is your mother... yeah, tell her right now. Dad's second girlfriend will already know everything in the morning. A loser is when yesterday you were a virgin and today you are a dad.

Only my dad can fall, ride along the road, get up, dust himself off and say wow, I almost fell! Children's wisdom: if mom laughs at dad's jokes, it means there are guests in the house.

For me, happiness is when my wife says “Beloved” and the child “Daddy”... every day! Ideal family - Dad works, mom is beautiful. There are moments in every girl’s life when she wants to cuddle up to a strong man’s shoulder and say: “Daddy, take me!!!” In our family it’s usually like this: as our dad said, everything will definitely be my mother’s way! How nice it is to have a daughter! She may be just like her dad, but she’s beautiful and smart, and that’s my fault.

Fathers don't abandon their daughters

To each little man I need dad. Dad. And not just a word.

Treasure fathers just as much as mothers. Dads talk less, but they worry about us just as much as moms.

Everyone has their own idea of ​​a “Miracle”. But only one “miracle” can call you dad and mom.

It's so nice when everyone has DAD. And my soul doesn't hurt. It’s great that dad loves mom, everything else is vanity.

We’ll buy everything else; if we have money, if we don’t have it, we’ll create it with our own hands.

But it is very important that children live in happiness. And they grew up as normal people.

Today, in the morning, complete harmony reigns in our family: the baby took “Vrednolin”, mother took “Stervozol”, and dad took “Papazol”.

Everyone is happy! Dad! When they come to ask for my hand, don’t fall on your knees, don’t say “You are our Savior!!!”, but just quietly nod your head. You need to love dad, mom, chocolates and summer... The rest is nonsense.

Statuses about dad

She loves him either way... Daddy, don’t be angry with me, forgive me... I love you very much, I’m lonely, I miss you very much, I’m sad and sad... Scarier than the beast there is nothing in the house than dad is an alcoholic! With this, the betrayal of a girlfriend and beloved boyfriend cannot be compared... Everything passes someday, all that remains are text messages on the phone, a folder with photos on the table and broken heart, which no one can mend... Best status: Some dads behave badly in the best possible way... It seems that he had nothing to do with it, he was just passing by, and he has no idea where the child came from. It’s as if mom found it herself... in the cabbage! It was not thought or assumed that sneezing at the wrong time is prohibited! Dad was talking on the phone and said: “Do I look like an IDIOT?”, and I sneezed... He doesn’t care about me at all. Okay, he's as calm as an elephant.

Statuses about dad with meaning

All a child needs to be happy is a mom and dad. Remember this.

My family is strange: dad talks to his car, mom with flowers, sister with cats, I’m the only normal one - with a computer and phone.

Let dad hear, Let dad come, Let dad definitely find me! After all, this doesn’t happen in the world. There’s a castle outside, and I’m in the toilet! If a man, after work or on weekends, wants to spend time with his family and not with friends, this does not mean that he is henpecked! This means that the most best husband and dad in the world! Sometimes I close my eyes and remember again. How mom took you to first grade, how dad carried you from graduation! If my pasta burns, it means “crooked!” You don’t know how to cook!” And if it’s dad’s, then - “mm, with a little toast.” The daughter is the only woman in front of whom dad shouldn’t try to look smart, strong, and courageous. For a daughter, her dad is already the best.
And, of course, you are pregnant, and after the holiday you will certainly tell your parents about this Similar statuses You have already voted 814 A real student is not the person who wonders what exam is today, but the one who asks the people what kind of exam it is passed today... Similar statuses You have already voted 83 Happiness lies in recognizing a person who has fascinated, intrigued, and attracted you Similar statuses You have already voted 259 Even Gaius Julius Caesar, who could do several things at the same time, is a sucker compared to a minibus driver.

Similar statuses You have already voted 277 A woman should belong to the man who will solve all problems and not create new ones Similar statuses You have already voted 383 Fate is the bridge that you build in life on the way to your loved one.

About them, about the family! A man is looking for a woman who looks like his mother; and finds a mother-in-law who looks like dad! And in this world you can’t trust anyone except mom and dad, believe me.

Meeting a prince on a white horse is my dream, but meeting dad on a white horse is my 3rd wish.

For mom with a mountain, for dad with a wall, for a friend with a brick, and for yourself with yourself!!! - Dad, meet me, this is Alexander. - Come in, Alexander, have lunch with us. - Dad, Alexander is full! - Alexander, don’t piss, come in! I wanted to tell him that he would soon become a dad, but he beat me to it by saying that we were breaking up... The most important contribution in raising a child is the right dad. Mom is super, dad is great, whoever doesn’t believe him in the eye! - Dad, do you have any friends? - No, son, this is fantastic! No matter how important dad is, when mom is not in the mood, everyone follows a thread.
There is no dearer soul in this life, The Human Age is not so long. I ask you, forgive their mothers, Those who are dear to them just like you! The sweetest nectar is on the cheeks. Kissing them, only a father can understand. Gone with the wind, at all crossroads, the power of daughters’ love will be waiting for you.

And it doesn’t matter when or where, Fate will force you to play with dolls, Only in a child’s soul and hope, Love for your father never dies.

Clinging to them heart to heart, Take care of what is seething behind the fragile wall. And in the lost time of crying and toiling, Never forget that your soul hurts.

And when your life becomes less than sugar, and your health goes to hell in orbit, crouching alone, letting off steam, everyone will answer before God’s judgment.

Fathers! Look a little ahead, No matter what happens in this life, everyone dies. A father is the future great-grandfather and grandfather of Daughters, they choose husbands like fathers.

Statuses about a dad who abandoned his daughter and went to another family are sad

They say that people love to play with love. I will reproach adults: “I don’t want to cry! I don’t want partings, your friendship is like that... Everyone stronger than desires– to be one family!” Mom and dad broke up, despite all the tears, and yesterday they hugged their daughter with four arms. (N.

Samonium ■) Don’t quarrel, mom and dad, I beg you... “Don’t quarrel, mom and dad, I beg you... Listen to the baby’s advice... I can’t imagine life without both of you! My soul hurts for you two... You truly loved each other so much that God entrusted you with giving birth to a child. But did you really forget about everything, some couple of years later? Do you remember, dad, how he stroked his beloved mother’s belly and kissed him tenderly? Don’t break up your family, for God’s sake. There’s no need for tears again, why a scandal? With each other, you try differently. Start a conversation about the most important things... After all, the main thing is that you have a healthy boy, Who loves you.

I grew up listening to you. My mother embroidered icons for me, I stroked them with my hand at night. And then your gentle voice disappeared, I haven’t heard it for a long time. My mother sobbed so inconsolably, And you probably don’t care. How so and why did I do something wrong? Don’t hurt my mother! If you wanted me to be born, You would have created comfort and paradise for us. You broke my mother’s soul into pieces, I can glue these parts together easily. Dad, you know, children are happiness. You will be far from happiness... You know, your aunts told your mother, That you go with others day after day... Dad, were they waiting for you too, Leaving your mother at home with her belly? I will grow a little in my tummy, Surrounded by my mother's love. I feel the warmth of her palm, I hear whose - a voice: “Don’t cry...” Mom embroiders icons for me, She strokes her tummy at night... Dad, there is no such thing as a former child... Being a father is beyond your capabilities...

You will never read this letter. Because I will never send it to you... For some reason, it is generally accepted that boys experience their father’s departure from the family much more acutely. And the girls... They have mothers. I'm probably the "wrong" girl. It still pains me to think about this, even though I have long since become an adult. You left your mother and me when I was five. This marriage and divorce were not the first and, as the future showed, not the last in your life. Mom was able to understand and forgive you, but I was angry and crying. From the fact that dads pick up other girls from kindergarten, put them on their strong shoulders, and walk with them in the park. But what a strange thing it is. You have never been an exemplary father. I have practically no childhood memories associated with you. We didn’t go to visit or to the circus together. You didn’t run with me to hospitals if I suddenly got sick. And he certainly didn’t spend evenings with me playing some entertaining game or teaching me something new. On the contrary, most often you were “somewhere”: with friends, at work, on a business trip. At one time I even thought that a business trip was the name of a mysterious and beautiful city, in which your WORK is located. In general, we were nominally considered members of the same family. Therefore, when you and your mother decided to separate, my life did not change much. It’s just that our kitchen no longer smelled of your cigarettes, and our bathroom no longer smelled of your aftershave. The smells, once so familiar, disappeared along with you. Mom never remarried, although she could have. She wanted to make me happy. Alone... Since it didn’t work out for you together. At the end of every month, “Father’s Day” came - you came to us and brought child support. You never walked further than the hallway, silently gave the money and left. One of these short-term visits took place on the eve of September 1st. Mom bought me a new one school uniform. I tried it on countless times, it seemed so irresistible to myself. And until my knees trembled, I wanted you to see me in it and say something like: “Wow, what a beauty you are, my daughter. And how she’s grown!” The bell rang and I rushed to get dressed. But when I ran out into the hallway, there was no one there anymore. You were probably in a hurry. There were probably more important things waiting for you than a 7-year-old girl in a ridiculous apron and bows. But try to explain this to a child. How I cried... As I got older, I - I don’t remember how or under what circumstances - found out that you, it turns out, really wanted a son, because in your previous marriages you had girls. But even here I did not live up to your hopes. You weren't even involved in choosing my name. With the maximalism characteristic of youth, I decided that if I had been born a boy, everything would have been completely different, and the history of our family would have turned out differently. From that moment on, difficult times came for my mother. I began to behave, as it seemed to me, very “manly”: I was rude, insolent, did not come to spend the night, tried my first cigarette. Thank God, my mother had the patience, and I had the intelligence to get through the “difficult period” without loss. After my first year, I got a job. I studied during the day, and sat at the computer in the evenings and nights. I did complex technical translations - they paid well for them. Everything you need to rent an apartment and start independent life. So that suddenly one day you call us at home, and your mother would answer: “But Nastya is not there. She rents an apartment, which, by the way, she pays for herself.” But you didn't call. I graduated from college. The young translator turned out to be a good department head with high salary And great prospects career growth. I grew up, bought a car, an apartment. And all this with an eye on you. “You see, dad, what kind of daughter you have. You can be proud of me." You won’t believe it, but I chose my husband, mentally turning to you - will you approve of my chosen one, will you like him? Having a high standard in choosing a life partner helped to immediately cut off the superfluous and unnecessary. One day I needed to meet with you and hand over documents. I prepared for the meeting in a way that one does not prepare for a first date. I was worried, thinking about the outfit, makeup, the words I would say. I wanted you to see me “in all my glory” and freeze in amazement. I also imagined how I would tell you about my successes, and you would smile and hold my hand. But everything turned out to be much more prosaic. Instead of asking: “How are you?” you muttered, “Is that all?” and began to carefully study the papers. I locked myself in the car and cried for a long time. From resentment, from self-pity, from the inability to change something in our relationship... And suddenly... Do you remember the fairy tale about Little Kai, who got a piece of a crooked mirror in his eye? So I lived for many years with such a fragment in my heart. And then I felt that, along with a stream of tears, the mirror fragment that had brought me so much torment from senseless attempts to find answers to the question “Why?” came out. And it immediately became easier... You passed by my life. But, oddly enough, I have something to thank you for. Trying to earn your love, I got used to always doing everything “to the best of my ability,” and this has helped a lot in life. So thank you for my strong and friendly family, for my smart husband, for Good work and prosperity. And, you know, dad, I forgave you. Because I realized you can’t demand too much from a person who doesn’t exist. At least in my life...

Divorces, no a rare event V Russian families. Although, in many cases this can be avoided by resorting to the help of specialists (psychotherapists and psychologists). But if this is already happening, then it is advisable to read and think, feel and imagine the contents of the letter that was written for one of the families. Try to immerse yourself in its content...

Dear dad!

Your daughter’s psychologist-consultant is contacting you.

They say childhood is carefree and cloudless. Only adults could come up with this myth. Children know something else - they often find themselves defenseless against the hardships of life and injustice, including in their family. I'm afraid that's why we treasure this tale of cloudless childhood. Well, I don’t want to agree that we are not able to at least make our children happy.
We don't wish them harm. And at the same time, we create it, voluntarily or unwittingly exposing children to childish tests.

When a family breaks up, children suffer. But the degree of this suffering can be reduced, or it can be increased. It all depends on how they behave ex-husband and the wife remaining parents, whether parental cooperation of recent spouses will or will not be relatively normal. However, in any case, no matter how hard they try to annoy each other, every divorced couple must keep in mind that their marriage ends, but the marriage continues - at least until the children stand firmly on their feet.

Five- to seven-year-old children perceive divorce in the most dramatic way. At this time, identification with parents by gender occurs. By the age of five, a girl identifies herself with her mother, a boy with his father. As a result, an understanding and acceptance of one’s female or male role in the future is formed. If at this time the parents separate, then the reaction can be extremely acute, up to fear of marriage in a girl and homosexual tendencies in the future in a boy.
Quite a lot of data has been collected on how life without a father affects children. These children, for example, are 5 times more likely to live in poverty, 3 times more likely to fail in school, 2 or 3 times more likely to experience emotional and behavioral problems, and 3 times more likely to commit suicide ( Don Eberle, "The Family as the Foundation of a Democratic Society").

Fatherlessness especially affects girls. As any sophisticated and caring father knows, there is no more vulnerable creature in the world than a girl in early adolescence. Girls who grew up without a father often become victims of young men who take advantage of their vulnerability. They yearn for a father's love, but they confuse it with what these young men actually offer them. Girls from families without a father are 164% more likely to give birth to children out of wedlock, which often happens already in adolescence.

Girls very often experience a feeling of guilt for what is happening and begin to think that it was because of them that the family fell apart. The feeling that “I am bad” can lead to depression or, conversely, cause aggression, leaving a feeling of inferiority for life. There is a high probability of the appearance of emotional disorders, mainly of the hysterical circle.
Failure of fathers to fulfill their important function can lead to unpredictable consequences. For example, a researcher drug addiction A. M. Larionov in his book “Drug Addiction: Myths. Meaning. Causes. Therapy” writes that children raised only by their mother are much more likely to become dependent on drugs than children raised by only one father.
For the first time, children encounter male authority—and, perhaps, authority and power in general—in the person of their father. How the child’s relationship with his father develops will largely determine how the child will continue to follow his own path. life path through the more difficult territory of relationships - authority and conflict at school, on the playground, on the street. In many ways, caring fathers serve as a bridge between the sheltered life of the home and the more demanding environment of the outside world. Fathers raise their children with the expectation that their children will inevitably face the need to follow certain rules and norms outside the family hearth. Good fathers Encourage their children to develop positive habits of self-control and respect for others.

Another important point– the ability to control your impulses. This is one of the most important functions, which is performed by the father in the socialization of children, i.e. their harmonious inclusion in the life of society or a team. Renowned child psychologist Wade Horne argues that proper socialization requires children to develop the ability to delay gratification and control impulsive desires. According to him, properly raised children should learn not to “pounce” on others in order to get what they want, be able to listen and obey representatives of legitimate authority, such as parents and teachers. And studies analyzing how mothers raise children and how fathers raise children show that fathers play a significant role in children’s development of the ability to control their impulses and impulses and thereby be able to cooperate and build relationships correctly with others.

A child values ​​his father not for his salary or for the gifts he may receive from him. More than anything else, children need their father's love, time and attention. After all, for them this is much more important than any material wealth.

Meeting children's needs requires effort—a willingness to make sacrifices. After all, giving children what they need most - love, time and attention - is not easy.
The best thing is good relationships. They are possible even after a divorce. When people calm down and passions subside, they can come to an agreement and behave in such a way - at least in front of the children - so that it will be easier for them to endure the separation of their parents.

I think that no one can give a recipe that is suitable for everyone. But it is very important that people know what is happening to them and their children, and what their actions and actions can lead to. If these are reasonable, not self-centered people, they will be able to find an acceptable solution - one that will cause the least damage.

Psychology and pedagogy unanimously agree that although a child will not die without a father, that a single mother is no longer a single mother, but a mother with a child, but that it would be much better if the father also took care of the child. At the same time, the mother becomes softer, more feminine, and primarily performs her maternal, protective and affectionate role. Father – more of a paternal nature, that is, demanding and prohibitive. The distribution of roles in the family is thus natural. A girl, having a feminine mother and a courageous father in front of her, rather sculpts her true female image.
In short, it is absolutely necessary - for the sake of the children - to ensure that even after divorce the marriage remains intact. To do this, it is necessary to ensure the implementation of normal paternal educational functions.

In order to give an organizational form to the relationship between father and mother after a divorce, it would be desirable to introduce two terms into practice - the “first” parent (the one with whom the child remains) and the “second” parent (the one who, along with the first, is responsible for him). Establish a certain number of hours, days and weeks of communication between the “second” parent and the child without the presence of the “first”. Necessarily with overnight stays in the house of the “second” parent. It is necessary for the “second” parent to go on vacation with the child. It is fundamentally important that the child of the “second” parent also feels that he is not visiting, but at home. Let him have a bed or a sofa, his own corner with a table, etc. Nothing bad happens when a child is “split” between the houses of his parents and grandparents - and nothing bad will happen here. By the way, I would like to emphasize that the “second” should not only have the right to normal relations with children, but also equal responsibilities with the “first” parent - to take care of health, upbringing, education.

If one of the parents does not fulfill his duties, he must be punished in court. And not only in case of non-payment of alimony, but also in case of refusal of personal participation in the fate of the child.

If each spouse knows that he will still not be allowed to usurp the right to a child or neglect parental responsibilities, then they will be forced to look for peaceful ways to resolve parental relationships. The path to cooperation will open.
One must think that in the end it will be possible to save the child for both the mother and the father even after a divorce. And vice versa - the child will have both parents, even if they are divorced.
There are axioms with which we do not argue. There are taboos that humanity does not dare to cross. But isn’t it an axiom: giving birth to a child means taking responsibility for his health, education, and adaptation to our world?

Education is, first of all, CONSTANT spiritual communication between an adult and a child. K. D. Ushinsky.

"Caring for children, raising them - equal right and the responsibility of parents."
Constitution of the Russian Federation, Art. 38, paragraph 2.

What should a father do to protect his rights and the rights of his child?

General scheme:

1. Anticipating a high-conflict divorce, find out the names, addresses and telephone numbers of your spouse’s closest relatives and friends, since your children will most likely be hidden with them.
Make copies of the children's records and have them certified by a notary.

2. When divorcing, ask the court (in writing) to include in the court decision an exact schedule of access to the child for at least following conditions:

– communication without witnesses;

– 4 days of communication per month during the preschool period and 2 days per month during the study period, including overnight trips. Specify the days and times exactly;

– living with father for half (specify which) of each vacation.

If you do not insist on including these requirements in the court's decision on divorce and determining the child's residence, you risk losing access to the child for at least a year, since you will have to initiate a new lawsuit to establish a schedule.

Having a court decision with a precise indication of the schedule of access to the child allows the violator to be fined for failure to comply with a court decision of up to 200 minimum wages, and since these offenses are of a recurring nature, you can fine them repeatedly, and then file a lawsuit to transfer the child to you under Art. 66-3 of the Family Code. Usually this prospect cools off violators.

If you do not hire a lawyer, then thoroughly study not only the Family Code, but also the Civil Procedure Code.

3. If the mother or other persons living with your child exert psychological or physical influence on him in order to eradicate his family feelings for you, then these cases should be recorded, since they can be qualified as mental or physical violence, which is grounds to deprive the mother of parental rights. Such an impact causes great harm to the child’s psyche and affects his entire future life.

4. Deciding to give up fighting ex-wife For the sake of the child’s peace of mind, keep in mind that fatherlessness causes much more harm to the child than fighting for him. Mother cannot cope with aggression alone external environment, she will not completely replace her father in other respects. Mother's new partners will not replace father either.
One of the methods of "reasoning" ex-wife– print out and give articles to read (by E. Ivanova, E. Sullero, A. Golik and other specialists), showing what serious consequences for the child’s psyche are weaned from own father and parenting battles.

5. Apply to any institution in writing and submit a copy against the signature of the receiving person. If they refuse to register the application, then send it by registered mail with notification of delivery. Record the actions of persons violating your parental rights in a protocol signed by at least one witness (preferably two). Audio and video recording helps a lot.

6. When visiting your children, leave irritation, wariness, and tension behind the threshold. Enter them with a smile, even if your enemy is standing behind them. You came to your beloved creature, and not to fight an enemy. If the situation is unfavorable for communication, take the child to another place.
Ignore the attacks. Turn tense situations into humor. Lighten the mood with an anecdote, a funny story, or a game.

7. Always bring gifts and do not start criticizing the child right from the doorway. Children should develop a positive reflex to your appearance.

8. Give your child a strong pull factor. It must outweigh the attraction of the opposite environment. It is necessary that the child strives for you. Without this, you will not be able to raise him strictly, because he always has the opportunity to “immigrate” to where they require less from him and pamper him more.
Good way raise a child at your own discretion - go camping with him for several weeks. Advantages: this is very interesting for children, develops their skills, will and independence, gives you the opportunity to show educational rigor in necessary cases, connects the child with the world of your interests, etc. A similar move - excursion trip to another city, preferably autonomous, since in this case you will be as free as possible in communication.

9. Meet the teacher kindergarten, future teacher, doctor (if the child is in the hospital). Adults and children around your child need to see that he has a father. This is very important for the child.

10. Introduce your child to your relatives. He must feel both poles of related attraction and support.

11. If you have a girlfriend, the child will be jealous. In her presence, give your child priority attention; he should not see her as a competitor. If your friend is smart, she will understand you; if not, then why do you need her?
To make fewer mistakes, read good books"Raising children in a single-parent family", "Divorce: collapse or new life" and "Help to divorced parents and their children" and others.

1. There is no point in wasting time contacting the guardianship authority to protect your rights. Even if the guardianship takes your side, its decisions are not binding on the opposing party. If the judge insists on applying for guardianship, keep in mind that any state. the authority must make a decision within a month. In case of delay, immediately contact the court.

2. Do not take long breaks in communication with your child (more than a month), otherwise withdrawal may develop. If the break is more than six months, then you may lose the child completely, since his last name may be changed or he may be adopted by another man without your consent.

3. Never come to your children, even slightly drunk. This will be a gift for your ill-wishers. Do not accept an invitation to have a drink at your mother’s house; you may be reported to the police as a “drunken brawler.”

4. Never criticize or ridicule either his mother or her relatives in the presence of a child. Otherwise, you will cause additional trauma to the child, and he may develop alienation from both the mother and you.

5. Don't do it often expensive gifts, it will harm both you and the children. The child needs your care first of all.

6. If there are physical obstacles to your access to your child, including the use of physical strength, then never enter into a fight first and without witnesses; in this way you can be provoked into a fight and brought under criminal charges. It should be borne in mind that any citizen has the right to the necessary defense, however, if the police intervene, you will need to prove that you were attacked, which requires witnesses, recorded beatings and other evidence. Prove that all the trump cards are yours. In addition, it should be remembered that the threat of physical harm is also a criminal offense.

I don’t end here, because the topic is vast. I think that through joint efforts we will win and minimize the psychological trauma of your daughter.