What to do when everything is bad? Advice from a family psychologist.

There are moments in life, and, what’s more, often these moments are intertwined into days, weeks, months... when you simply don’t know what to do or where to go. People give up, values ​​change and guidelines disappear.

All those guidelines and values ​​that used to illuminate the path and define life, here they were... and suddenly disappeared somewhere. And you stop in hopeless indecision in the middle of your life, look around you and see only emptiness.

This condition is also called dark night Souls. By the way, this is still a natural and to some extent inevitable state that people go through in their development. After it, there will definitely be a dawn and an exit to more high level vibrations and development of consciousness. The only unnatural thing is to hang in it for a long time.

I admit, I was an expert at getting stuck in such states. 🙂 But now I have my own ways to quickly get out of it, and I’ll tell you about one of them now. This method will not surprise you with its novelty, but do not be deceived by its apparent simplicity.

So, during periods of terrible despondency and apathy, sadness and depression, when I least want it, I begin... to smile.

And what? Widely, unnaturally and artificially at first, I force myself to smile from ear to ear, although it more closely resembles a grin to those around me. From time to time in the eyes of others I see bewilderment, and sometimes sincere excitement about my mental health. But, you know, when there is no other choice, then the reaction of others is somehow not very exciting.

This practice only seems easy on the surface. After exactly 3 minutes, the muscles of your face begin to ache wildly, and you constantly want to return to your usual state of righteous sorrow. But the effect I got shocked me. And I can’t help but tell you about it.

Although no, Mirzakarim Norbekov will tell you about this better than me. Sometime in 2005, it was his book “Where Kuzka’s mother spends the winter, or how to get a free million solutions” that became the beginning of my awakening. He writes so funny and intelligibly that I burst into tears of laughter and fell out of bed, and not a trace remained of my despondency.

To this day, his books are on my shelves in case I need a shake-up and a good dose of humor and self-irony. I am sure you will also enjoy a fragment of his other book, “The Experience of a Fool or the Key to Insight,” which prompted me to start smiling in the most difficult situations.

Why do we need the posture and smile of a stupefied peacock with a burnt face?

Let's now move away from the main topic to the left!

And, hopefully, we’ll relax in the mountains.

At one time, I had to work in an organization that served former bigwigs out of the blue - the nomenklatura.

Although all of them were already retired, they still came to our organization with ambition. They had a very arrogant, sedate gait, like that of a child who had peed his pants a long time ago and forgotten about it.

In a word, he got off his horse, but forgot to take the saddle between his legs! We knew each of them like crazy.

One day, a colleague of mine, pointing to a patient, said: “This man is healthy.” I didn’t believe it because I knew him well. This is a former minister who has suffered from an advanced form of Parkinson's disease for many years. This is brain damage, you know, right?

One of the symptoms of the disease manifests itself in such patients in the complete absence of facial expressions. The face becomes a mask.

Having examined him thoroughly, I came to the conclusion that he was healthy. I started asking: “Where and how were you treated?”

He told me about some kind of Temple, but, to be honest, I didn’t think much of it at the time. special significance. And although I wrote everything down, after a while I forgot about it.

On next year During a routine inspection, we discovered that four more respected old men had joined him. They had suffered from incurable diseases for many years, and now they were “like cucumbers.”

It turns out that the retired minister also sent them to where he himself was cured.

Now I was seriously puzzled. All this did not fit into the framework of my worldview, which had developed over years of practice.

This time I asked everything in detail and wrote it down carefully. It turned out that in the mountains there is a Temple of Fire Worshipers, where groups of people seeking healing are received every forty days, mainly in the summer, because it is impossible to get there in winter.

The decision matured in me to go there and see with my own eyes how miraculous healing occurs. We agreed to go together with my friends: a director and a cameraman. They worked on republican television and made the program “The World Around Us.”

On the appointed day, we reached the meeting place by nightfall. Our car left. They promised to provide us with transport for further movement. And suddenly we find out that this transport is donkeys.

A mountain road leads to the Temple and it turns out you have to walk 26 km or ride donkeys. But since we arrived later than everyone else, between the three of us we got two donkeys.

I launched a propaganda attack. I say: “Have you ever hiked in the mountains? Let's try".

The operator was a very overweight man, weighing 130 kg with five chins and a huge belly. But, despite this, the romantic in him turned out to be still alive. Therefore, by a majority vote, we successfully overcame the first “obstacle.”

They loaded all the equipment onto the donkeys, and off we went. I was the first to start whining, because I had city shoes that wore out very quickly. My legs started to hurt. But I still walked and thought: “Since such patients have been cured, then, having written down every prescription, I will be a great doctor in the city.”

And then, after walking ten kilometers, the operator sat down in the middle of the road and said:

- All! Even if you kill me, I’ll go back. We began to persuade him:

- What difference does it make where to go? If you go back, you will have to walk the same 10 km as forward. It's better to go ahead!

Persuaded.

We arrived around midnight. We were accommodated and settled. The next day they woke me up at 11 o'clock. They gathered everyone and said:

- We ask you not to sin in our Temple; whoever does not fulfill the request will help us with the housework - carrying water.

It turns out that walking gloomy is considered a sin in this Temple. That's why I paid attention to the monks.

They walk with such a slight smile and their figure is as straight as a cypress tree, to be precise, as if they had swallowed a stick.

It turns out that we have to smile all the time. We all listened, smiled a little, and two minutes later the old habit of walking around with a city face, always sour and dissatisfied, took over.

And in general, I expected to see gilded domes and the like, but there were such small, neat houses and that’s it. True, their fire is constantly burning. They worship fire and the Sun. But it doesn't look like the Temple at all.

It so happened that the monks found a place where it comes out of the ground natural gas, and here, on the top of the rock, they founded their Temple.

I started asking:

— When will you start seeing patients and making diagnoses? When will you start treatment?

I'll find out. It turns out that no one is accepted or treated here at all. This was the first blow for me.

Secondly, our transport, i.e. donkeys, was taken by the owners. You won't get far with trunks like ours. Gotcha!

Not only did we end up in a Temple where no one has ever treated anyone and is not going to treat anyone, and we can’t leave from there! Moreover, you need to walk around with a stupid smile on your face when everything inside is seething with anger and frustration!

I see the operator looking at me intently, as if he was planning something. And the director with irony addressed to me:

-Where have you taken us, you unfortunate scientist?..

How do I feel about myself?!!

Then the concerts began. Fifteen out of thirty people immediately went to get water. I got it too, because... In general, you understand why! I had to go “help with the housework.”

A sheer vertical cliff of six hundred meters, and along the serpentine 4 km there and 4 km back. Is this the way we came up here last night?!

When I saw this, I almost had a miscarriage! Can you imagine? Not only is this vertical wall higher than the Ostankino Tower, but in some places we walked on logs driven into the rock. These logs acted as drawbridges, blocking the enemy's path to the Temple at one time.

It was necessary to carry sixteen liters of water with you, and the jug itself weighed five kilograms. In total, we had to drag 21 kg up this road. It is most convenient in such conditions to carry the load on your head. That's when I learned about the true purpose of the spine.

It turns out that everyone who came to this Temple considered themselves smart, everyone had their own ambitions. To knock everything superfluous out of us, the Temple servants came up with this method of “treating” arrogance.

I also came there with my charter, well-read, stuffed with knowledge and some abilities that others do not have. They're idiots, but I'm so smart!

In just a week, they also “knocked” all the crap out of me. In one week they made me human!

There I met myself. Flowers, insects, and ants again became interesting to me. He crawled on all fours and watched them walk, moving their legs. It seemed to me that I was the only one who suddenly felt like a child. I see the same things happening to others. We forgot all our ranks, and the most interesting thing is that we noticed that when everyone smiled, the city facial expressions, once familiar to us, now began to be perceived as a deviation.

Have you ever seen adults playing children's games? Funny, right? And we played. This was generally a natural state for us.

Then I started paying attention to what people were saying: “I feel better. I feel better". I connected it with the weather, nature... mountains after all! Only later did I come to the conclusion that the main secret was related to facial expressions and posture.

On the fortieth day I came to the abbot of the Temple and said: “I want to stay here.”

- Son, you are young. Don’t think that we are here because we have a good life. The monks who are here weak people. They are unable to remain clean in the midst of dirt. They are not adapted to life, son, and are forced to run away from difficulties. We exist so that you can
take it and continue to carry the light in your soul. You are strong people, you have immunity.

I started to say something, and then, in the end, I said: “But I’m probably the only one from the group who came to you.”

- You are one of the last.

It turns out that almost everyone from our group had already visited the abbot with a request to stay. Do you understand?

Forty days later we left the Temple. On the way back we met a group of people thirsting for healing, just like we did forty days ago. Tree sticks! Well, make faces! It was a crowd of cannibals that attacked us:

- Did it help? What were you sick with? What do they give? Does it help everyone? I answered:

- Everyone will get what they deserve!

I look at us - at them, at us - at them. We are all smiling...

Suddenly I felt myself moving away. And they, too, somehow shy away as if from lepers. Next to me, leaning on the arms of his sons, stood an eighty-year-old man. He said: “Were we really the same?!”

When I arrived in the city, I saw a crowd of soulless, indifferent, absolutely indifferent people who were always in a hurry somewhere, they themselves did not know where or why. It was very difficult to get used to the city lifestyle again.

Something in me has changed once and for all. I suddenly felt like I was in a theater of the absurd, and life going on in the city seemed empty and worthless. It was impossible to look at these faces.

If you only knew how uncomfortable I felt! But recently I myself was the same as them.

Then, when I went back to work, I had to check whether the whole essence of recovery is really in a smile and posture? What if it’s a matter of weather, climate or some other external conditions?!

And we organized classes in the clinic’s gym.

We invited volunteer patients from among those who were registered with us, explained the task to them and began training.

We studied for an hour or two a day. We just walked around the gym with a smile, maintaining good posture. Do you know how hard it is to keep a smile all the time?! Don't believe me?!

If you try to smile on the street and keep your posture straight, you will immediately feel such pressure from the surrounding world! It will be very difficult for you, especially at first!

You walk and walk, and then suddenly you imperceptibly catch yourself again bustling around like a business sausage. After 15 minutes, in the reflection of some shop window, you suddenly notice that a mug is looking at you!

You have a fight ahead of you! To resist the pressure of the environment, which seeks to grind you into powder, and to remain yourself, you need strong-willed coercion!

Some time after the start of classes, such interesting problems began to appear. One of our enthusiasts says:

- I lost my glasses. At one time I brought them from France. I carried it for so many years, but now I left it somewhere.

Why did you lose it? Because the need for them began to disappear. Another's intestines began to work. The third began to hear, and hearing problems had been going on since childhood. Improvements were noted for everyone.

The result I received made me go crazy. I couldn’t understand why people have been sick for so many years, but because of some idiotic posture or smile they get better.

Then, in laboratory conditions, we began to study what changes were occurring in the body. And thus one case turned into a fundamental discovery in science.

What happened to the cameraman and director? The operator has lost weight, his weight still remains at about 85 kg. He recovered from his illnesses.

But the biggest success of the three of us was the director. Several years ago, he and his wife divorced because he pawned his collar every day. He quit drinking and married his wife again.

I don’t say goodbye, Tatyana Rudyuk :)

Many problems

Hello, dear blog readers. The topic of today's post is the fight against problems, depression, and the right attitude towards life. Yes, of course, I did not become a psychologist or psychotherapist. Don't be alarmed.

I heard this information a few months ago at one of the youth business seminars. I will give a link to it at the end of this post, I highly recommend watching the material in full. There will be only a part in the article. The one that I have implemented and continue to use in my life.

By the way, I listened to this webinar at night, probably three hours. It was worth it. It's not just me who thinks so.

I saw and looked

Sergei Azimov touched a nerve and made me think about life, about relationships, about women... Okay, back to the topic of the post: what to do when you have a lot of problems.

Just a minute :)

Surely you are interested Additional income in the Internet.
I offer tools that I have been using myself for several years:

What to do when there are a lot of problems: the main secret

We need to stop here. And think about it. Think about how important these problems are to you. Most often, these are little things, small conflicts on which we spend, well, just a lot of our energy. These are banal everyday quarrels with relatives, work colleagues, Bad mood in the morning, arguing and defending your position.

Are these problems, their solutions, nerves and emotions an important part of our lives? No, not ours - YOUR LIFE.

As I listened to Asimov that night, I began to think. But really, we spend most of our time, most of our lives on these very trifles, trifles, sorting out relationships, we are always dissatisfied, always in a hurry to get somewhere.

Too many problems: solution

The solution to all problems lies in one simple thing. Understand their classification, analyze how important it is for you that your foot was stepped on on the bus this morning and you were detained wages for the day, the coffee was not as tasty as usual, the waiter was rude...

Traffic light problems

All problems, problems, situations in our life can be classified according to the traffic light principle and live in accordance with this principle.

Stop, slowly, re-read this classification several times. And pay attention Special attention to the conclusion.

1. Red problem . This is the death of relatives, friends, the departure of a person very close to you. Deadly, incurable disease when there is no chance.
2. Yellow problem . This includes disability, a serious accident and physical injuries, but the person survived. Loss of business, divorce.
3. Green problem . This is a job loss, a very difficult financial situation. My beloved girl/boyfriend left, betrayal.

Everything else is simple Should NOT bother you.

Agree, we think about our lives in difficult moments: the death of someone, a great loss, a difficult, seemingly hopeless situation. Then we understand how petty and insignificant everyday problems are.

This is how small, a little philosophical this post turned out to be. Hope it was helpful to you.

Life is not always colorful and happy; there are moments when even an optimist gives up. Around you it seems that everyone is against you - your loved ones, strangers, bosses, even nature cries pouring rain with you. There is a feeling that it can’t get any worse than it is. What to do in such a situation? First of all, calm down, figure it out, maybe you’re just screwing yourself up.

Is it possible to cope with your emotions?

Every person has a changeable mood. Sometimes we ourselves cannot figure out why it happened exactly the way it did. You need to be patient here! Not all days are good. It’s not for nothing that they say that life is an alternation of white and black stripes. But if you think about it, life is actually a chessboard, everything depends on the right move.

Did you get up in the morning and everything started to fall out of your hands? Do calming breathing exercises that will put your thoughts in order and tune in to a positive mood.

Often the cause of a bad mood, apathy, is idleness. Sometimes you get bored and don’t know what to do with yourself. I'm tired of the computer, and so is the TV. Tell yourself “stop”! Why are you living and wasting your time? Do something useful.

Many women on maternity leave constantly lash out at their husbands in the evening because they are bored sitting at home all day. As a result, it disappears and problems arise in relationships. Haven’t you tried to occupy yourself with something interesting, try to develop, do what you like? Some women immediately find an excuse: “I have Small child! So what? Life does not end here, but only begins. If you set an example that you are constantly working and actively moving, your children will grow up purposeful and active.

Almost all experts say: “ It’s bad for those who don’t want to do anything to make things good. You can never give up. Life is a struggle, a kind of overcoming of obstacles.”. Take advantage of these valuable tips.

Think about something good

This is often where all the problems arise. Don’t escalate the situation; you don’t need to constantly convince yourself that bad things will happen. Remember a good moment in your life or dream about something pleasant. It will feel easier immediately.

Smile

Are you depressed or sad? Go to the mirror, look into it and smile. You are beautiful, a bad mood is not good for you, so get rid of it.

Appreciate what you have

Many people are selfish; they demand unknown things from others. The mistake is that egoists do not value what they have and want to conquer heights. Dreams and aspirations are good, but sometimes you need to come down to earth and think about the loved ones you are hurting. Some people can easily lose love and friendship; at first they think that there is nothing wrong with it. And then they realize the mistake, and it is no longer possible to return the person.

This doesn't just happen to people. Let's give a simple example: you dream about something for a very long time, wait for it, and when it comes true, everything is not as you wanted. As a result, there is emptiness in the soul, a feeling of anxiety and apathy appears. This feeling is often encountered by people who have... They constantly want to achieve their goal, but achieving the goal does not bring them joy.

Remember! Rejoice in the real thing, and not in the illusory, invented. Dream, but don't forget about real life.

Adhere to the principle: “Everything that is done is only for the better.”

Having problems? Try to model the situation differently. If this happens, then it must be experienced. You shouldn’t immediately panic, tear your hair out, or try to change something. Just calm down, wait, maybe you need to rest, and after a while you will laugh at your problems.

How to get out of a deadlock?

First of all, remember that “night always ends and day comes.” Learn to endure all trials, be wise. Experienced psychotherapists pay attention to the following methods:

• Get your life in order. Get rid of everything that brings you discomfort. Tired of constantly repairing your sideboard? Throw it away and buy a new one. Worried about getting wet and ruining your hairstyle? Call a taxi. Are you constantly quarreling with your husband or wife, the relationship does not bring joy, it only torments you? Think about divorce. Remember, the end is always the beginning of a new life.
• Do not give up. Some people think that the way out of the situation is to get drunk, get high, use stimulants, or party all night in a nightclub. Why rush headlong into the pool? Always remember that drugs are temporary happiness, which later leads to dangerous consequences.
• Join the gym . Throw it all away negative energy during physical activity. In addition to improving your mood, you will look great, and this will give you confidence in life.
• Try to do good, it will definitely come back to you . If something is constantly going wrong for you, you haven’t thought about the fact that you hurt someone or made a mistake.
• Get rid of negative emotions . You can go far into nature and scream with all your might. If it’s very bad, cry, all the emotional pain will come out with tears. Write about all your problems and then burn the paper.

Can’t cope with yourself on your own, have you fallen into deep depression? Contact a psychotherapist, he will help you find a way out of the situation. You may need to take sedatives for a while. For example, tincture of valerian and motherwort is often prescribed. But you shouldn’t get carried away with antidepressants and tranquilizers - they only make the situation worse.

Are you sitting and thinking, why is everything so bad? Look around, maybe someone has it much worse, and you just came up with your own tragedies. Learn to calmly accept all life's troubles, don't give up, always fight to the end. The main thing is not to give in to various temptations, negative influence. In any situation, remain yourself. Be happy, enjoy life and don’t pay attention to various little things!

When failure haunts a person, the question arises: what to do when everything is bad in life? Practical psychologists A special algorithm of actions has been developed that will change the situation in better side. But in order to achieve changes you will have to work on yourself.

Stage 1: Getting rid of negativity in conversation

Many people have gotten into the habit of complaining about fate and arousing pity for themselves. We must fight this by driving away negative words, thoughts and emotions by willpower. You need to force yourself to stop complaining about life and not show negative emotions, if you can’t force yourself, you can use some kind of exercise, for example, come up with a reminder in the form of a colored thread, tying it around your wrist, that you should avoid negative conversations for a certain time.

This reminder is very useful because, willy-nilly, you will have to think about your problems, look for the cause of their occurrence and the opportunity to get rid of them. After such exercises you will not want to talk and complain about hard life, even with others when they complain. Here you need to learn to turn everything into a joke or change the topic of conversation.

The negative conversation has been dealt with, but emotions and internal experiences that poison life remain.

Stage 2: Getting rid of negative emotions

It is difficult to control your emotions. They arise spontaneously, making a person angry and irritable. But, if you look at it, emotions do not appear on their own - they arise based on a person’s thoughts. So you need to analyze your thoughts.

Before you think about your thoughts, you need to convince yourself of the following:

• worries about what to do when everything is bad in life do not change anything, but only spoil life, the problem remains;
• most difficulties are mere trifles and not worth attention;
• learn to face reality and not run away from the answer.

All problems are divided into two camps:

• those that depend on the person himself - they must be resolved immediately, and not deal with empty worries;
• those that do not depend on a person - they must be accepted as is, understanding that a person is not able to influence them.

And you need to determine for yourself the boundaries of your experiences. A person often confuses these facets and spoils relationships with others. This is especially true for children and spouses. But this does not exclude caring for some person.

Stage 3: Caring for others

You need to take care of your neighbor not in words, but out of love. Often, grumbling, reproaches, and worry are called caring. This kind of concern is suspicious. Some people are probably satisfied with the state of worry so as not to do anything, to think about anything but solving their problems. This begs the question: is there a way out of this situation?

Instead of problems - new things!

Instead of needlessly worrying about any troubles, you need to look for an opportunity to correct the problem that has arisen. This does not mean that you have to find everything good moments, as some teach. It's not productive. You must be able to find a way out of any situation that arises. To do this, you need to focus on actions and your own development, and not on passively waiting for help from someone.

Success is a journey from failure to failure. Probably every person at least once in his life asked what to do when everything is bad. I'm not doing well at work, I have problems with my studies, I have no personal life, my family doesn't understand me, my friends betray me...

Are there many reasons when a person can despair, give up and become depressed? If you find yourself in this situation, then you urgently need help. And first of all, you must accept it from yourself.

How to cope with a depressed state and regain the joy of life?

I hope that the following simple tips will help you overcome problems and change your life for the better!

When everything is bad: we act!

1. Don't hold back your emotions

What to do when you feel bad? When did you most recently experience deep emotional distress? Give free rein to your feelings. Everyone does it differently. Some people cry on the shoulder of a close friend, while others throw a huge party to distract themselves.
Do what you want (within the law, of course), and you will see that it will become easier.

2. Break down the problem into pieces

Try to think about it objectively and impartially. Identify the cause and think through possible ways to solve the problem, which can be done now. When everything is bad, you want to withdraw into yourself and grieve, but this is not a way out of the situation.

Staying in this state is enough for a long time- means registering two new residents in your house: depression and hopelessness. Strong people act while the weak sit and feel sorry for themselves. Be strong!

3. Despite the fact that the current situation brings nothing but grief, as it seems at first glance, still think about what it has taught you.

It is problems that build character and make a person more experienced and wiser. Think about what exactly your problem taught you, what experience you learned from it.

4. In everything bad, if you try, you can see something good.

Analyze your problem and you will find positive points, which will definitely please you! For example, you dated a young man for a long time, were incredibly happy, and then he suddenly and unexpectedly left you.

Yes, it hurts a lot, but along with the loss you gained one thing important advantage- Liberty. You are free in your actions, you no longer need to think about what he would say, how he would react, what he would do.

From now on, you are your own boss, you have more free time for yourself, and no one has canceled flirting.

And flirting, as you know, adorns any woman! That's it! And there, you look, and new love will come and will be much better than before.

5. It is important to tell not only what to do when everything is bad, but also what not to do.

Don't become isolated. Don't isolate yourself, don't focus on the problem. At such moments you need to be able to distract yourself. After all, life is so interesting, and you sit and rack your brains over something extremely unpleasant.

Meet old friends, spend an evening with the whole family somewhere outdoors, go to night club and have fun with your friend, play sports, start learning foreign language or master new program on the computer, find a new and interesting hobby, get yourself a dog, etc.

There are a lot of options! Do what you like and brings you joy. The world will sparkle with new colors, and you will discover such bright facets of yourself that you didn’t even know about!

6. Don't be afraid to ask for help. The support of loved ones, friends and loved ones is very important for every person.

After all, these people will always help you get out of difficult situation, will support you and will not leave you to the mercy of fate. If you are lonely, then look for friends.

And you will definitely find them. In the meantime, seek help a good psychologist. He will help you get back on your feet.

7. And finally, don’t be afraid of anything!

Perhaps a lot of effort is needed to solve your problem. Does this scare you or are you just lazy. Fight this and don’t be afraid to carry out your plans, even if it is very difficult, and then fortune will definitely smile on you!

It is useful to remember one important piece of wisdom. King Solomon lived a different life sweet life, as many people think. And he had a ring that helped him survive all the hardships.

The secret of the ring is in the inscription on it. And it represents one simple phrase: “This too shall pass.” Remember this in moments of despair. Grief cannot last forever, and happiness will definitely smile on you, just help it a little!