Where does the feeling of dissatisfaction come from and what to do about it. Why is a person dissatisfied with his life?

Feeling of chronic dissatisfaction

The feeling of dissatisfaction with yourself, life and what you do is familiar to every person. Sometimes the thought creeps in that not to experience these feelings means to be a smug fool, an impenetrable idiot. How can you even be satisfied with what you do? It’s not for nothing that the brilliant Salvador Dali wrote a sharp aphorism: “Don’t be afraid to strive for perfection, you won’t achieve it anyway.” However, the question naturally arises here: if it is impossible to achieve perfection, then isn’t the desire for it some kind of neurotic quirk? Indeed, if something cannot be because it can never be, isn’t it stupid to try to get it? The desire to find the philosopher's stone is, of course, commendable, but isn't it crazy to spend your life on it?

Yes, our parents gave us a truly sphinx-like task. They first made us feel inadequate, and then Tom was lured by a certain ideal, which, as it seemed to them, we should be. We dreamed that if we fell into this ideal, into this Procrustean bed invented for us, we would be loved. The latter meant for us, as we now know, not just a feeling of security; to feel loved meant for us to be first. After all, we always shared our parents' love with someone - with our parents' parents, with our brothers and sisters, with their activities to which they devoted their time, and finally, with strangers whom our parents admired.

Love is an egoistic feeling. If you are loved, you want to be loved, first of all,entirely, that is, for everything you do and what you representeat, and secondly,only you. Of course, our parents could not give us such fullness of love, and we, in our early years could not understand that one cannot be so ideal as to close them entirely on oneself, so that If only there were us and them, our parents, those who are especially and infinitely dear to us.

We did not find in our parents the fullness of love that we expected. The fact that this was impossible in principle was not clear to us, because the child cannot see beyond his own nose. All that matters to him is what happens to him; it seems to him that this, in fact, the world and is limited. It is quite natural that, having become disillusioned with the love of our parents, we began to compete not only with other people for the love of our parents, but also with the parents themselves. Here, however, we again found ourselves in a deliberately losing position.

We felt our parents as a source of power and authority, because, ultimately, absolutely everything in our lives depended on them. How can you fight and compete with someone on whom you are completely dependent, with someone who has complete power over you? Of course, we doomed ourselves to defeat, which, however, we could not accept - this is the source of our chronic dissatisfaction.

We continued to struggle, and our parents, sensing our resistance, became annoyed and angry. Why on earth would they agree that we are the winners and they are the losers, that we are stronger and smarter, and they are weaker and stupider? They simply physically could not do this and did not do it, especially since they themselves, in turn, were not free from their hierarchical instinct.

When this idea, associated with the struggle for leadership within a single “cell of society,” failed for us, the hierarchical instinct sitting in us made a kind of knight’s move. Having comprehended the results of our attempt to get into the Procrustean bed of the ideal, realizing that it was impossible to defeat our parents (they will always be “right” anyway), we had to resort to intrapsychic tricks. We “placed” the sought-after ideal within ourselves and it was with it that we began our competitive struggle. Trying to achieve conformity to the image that we wanted to be us, and not the dream of us, is what we did.

This is how a kind of go line appeared in ushorizon, beyond which, as it began to seem to us,our happiness is hidden from us. If the subconscious could speak (which it is not capable of due to its biological, not sociocultural nature), then it would say: “To be happy, you need very little - you must be ten centimeters taller, ten centimeters slimmer, you have your eyes and hair should be a different color, you should be a little smarter, a little smarter, a little more self-possessed, a little more self-confident and decisive, more knowledgeable and more well-read, more...” However, depending depending on the situation, it would begin to say one thing or another, and therefore in significant number cases it would begin to contradict itself.

In general, we not only began to live by our ideal, we also confused all the cards for ourselves. Thus, our personal ideal turned out to be a thing not only unattainable in principle, but also vague, lost in the haze of life’s circumstances. But all this by no means saved us from the hierarchical instinct; on the contrary, it sharpened and strengthened it. Now all that remains is to multiply one by the other, and we will get chronic dissatisfaction, dissatisfaction with ourselves and everything that we do and what we achieve.

Just for fun, ask yourself what you would have to do and achieve in order to feel completely satisfied and satisfied with your life. Now imagine that you did it - achieved what you wanted... Imagine well, spend your next day as if you had really achieved these goals. And immediately, or in a day, or, in the most extreme case, after a week or two, you will feel that there is no trace of satisfaction with yourself and your life. Once again it seems to you that something is wrong, that something is unfinished somewhere, that you are not treated quite the way you would like, and that you yourself are not the person you would like to be.

The feeling of dissatisfaction, of course, is associated with our childhood dreams and daydreams, with the ideal that we came up with for ourselves and which we tried to live up to. But the problem is bigger and broader, it also lies in habit to feel dissatisfied, and this habit was formed in us many years ago, in those years when we were children and really wanted our parents to love us truly and, most importantly, only us.

How to be? How to get rid of the pathological habit of always feeling dissatisfied; from a painful desire to be better than we really are; seem and not be, achieve and not do? It's both simple and complex.

Firstly, we need to understand that we have rushed in pursuit of a fictitious ideal, which does not exist and, most importantly, cannot exist in reality.

Secondly, we must admit to ourselves that even if we achieve our ideal, we will not be loved more than we are loved now, and besides this, we really don’t want anything.

And finally, Thirdly, we need to realize that when we strive for our ideal, we personally sign that the way we are, in our opinion, will not be loved, and this is madness; and if they still love us, when we achieve a certain ideal, then they will love not us ourselves, but our “export version.”

Simply put, we have only one problem - the fear that we will not be loved.beat if we do not correspond to some ideal, if we are not “first” and “rayshimi." AND as it always happens with fear, it retreats only at the moment when we stop running from it and agree to what we are trying to avoid in this way. In other words, we need to decide and allow ourselves not to be ideal, not to be “first” and “best.” We need to allow ourselves to be ourselves.

It seems that such a resolution is clean water absurdity. How can you allow yourself what already exists, because we are us, and we are who we are. What is allowed here?! But let's not rush to conclusions. Any neurotic construct (and the feeling of dissatisfaction with oneself is precisely a neurotic construct) is illogical, therefore the resolution of a neurotic conflict cannot be built on Aristotelian logic, it can only be such “nonsense.”

IN in this case this “nonsense”, capable of disablingto attack neurosis looks like this: refusedon't be afraid to be "first" and "best"decide to be who you really are. Aboutone hundred get out of the game, remove the demands that you place on yourself, and enjoy the consciousnessknowledge of who you are, what you do, what you know interesting and truly necessary. Learn to love yourself the way you would like your parents to love you, and then the ever-hungry hierarchical instinct that has been drinking your blood will recede, and you will receive the opportunity to feel happy man.

Normally, a father's feelings for his daughter are guided by respect for her youth and innocence. If he is sexually happy with his wife, his attachment to his daughter is free from unconscious sexual guilt. But in a sexually unhappy family, the girl unwittingly becomes an object onto which the father projects his unfulfilled sexual desire, and the mother projects sexual guilt. The mother begins to see her daughter as a prostitute, and the father as a princess.

Alexander Lowen

Any neurosis can be understood as a culturally misguided attempt to get rid of feelings of inferiority in order to gain a sense of superiority.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Life dissatisfaction is one of the most common problems for most people in almost any society. Many people are constantly dissatisfied and dissatisfied with something, and want their life to be better, no matter how good it already is. Sometimes such dissatisfaction is well founded, sometimes it is not, and sometimes it is simply absurd. It should be noted that not all people can clearly explain what exactly and why they are dissatisfied and dissatisfied. Nevertheless, this problem exists, it is real, not far-fetched, and without any doubt it must be solved. We need to understand why people may not be satisfied with their lives in general and what they can and should do to make their life better for themselves. This question is as difficult as it is interesting, since all people are different and their lives are also different. But nevertheless, I will try to give a comprehensive answer to it in this article, in order, perhaps, to help some of you, dear readers, look at your life with different eyes and learn to receive great satisfaction from it.

At the same time, I want to say that from my point of view, it is useful for a person to be constantly dissatisfied with something in order to have sufficient motivation to strive for more and better. Another thing is that dissatisfaction should be of a moderate nature, not allowing a person to fall into various kinds extremes, when he completely unjustifiably begins to consider his life simply terrible and generally meaningless. Therefore, we will not consider the option of absolute satisfaction with our life, but we will approach this issue from the most practical side.

Reason for dissatisfaction with life

To solve a problem, you need to find its cause - we all know this well. In our case, in order to understand what makes people dissatisfied with their lives, it is necessary, from my point of view, to properly understand their worldview in order to find out what the life of these people should be like, from their point of view. I had to talk about this topic with different people- with the rich and not so rich, with the poor and very poor, with the healthy and the sick, with people who have achieved something in this life and with those who have achieved practically nothing in it. And guess what? “They were all unhappy about something.” Some to a greater extent, some to a lesser extent, but a certain degree of dissatisfaction took place in all cases. These were completely different people who had different problems, different dreams, desires, goals, some unsatisfied needs that they tried with all their might to satisfy. But they had one thing in common - they were all dissatisfied with their lives, and because of this, they were unhappy to one degree or another. The only difference between some of them was that some people realized their dissatisfaction with life, accepted it and came to terms with it, while others constantly tried to find their happiness, somewhere else, somewhere else, in other things, with other people.

So, talking with different people, I tried to understand why they are not fully satisfied with their lives, why they do not feel truly happy. And, of course, they all had their own reasons for being dissatisfied and dissatisfied with something. Some people didn’t have enough money to be happy, others loving person close to someone, respect and recognition from other people, and so on. When I talked to poor people, they mostly talked about money, which, in their opinion, would make them very happy people, if there was a lot of this money, or at least in sufficient quantities. Then I went to those people who had a lot of money and tried to find happiness from them. Still, these people had a lot of money, which means they should have been happy, or at least completely satisfied with their lives. But no, that didn't happen. It turned out that rich people also had certain problems that prevented them from feeling happy. They might not have a good relationship with their wife or husband, they might be bored, their children might not be what they would like them to be, and so on. In other words, I did not find happiness among rich people. Then I went to those people who did not have all the problems that prevented rich people from being completely satisfied with their lives, and looked for happiness there. But even if I found people who had virtually no serious problems in their lives, I still did not find happiness in their lives, because these people had unfulfilled dreams and desires that did not allow them to feel happy. Thus, happiness was always somewhere nearby, but it constantly eluded people and me. It, like the horizon, was inaccessible to them. And if a person is not happy, then he is not satisfied. He is not satisfied with his life and often with himself. So we can safely say that one of the reasons, and perhaps main reason dissatisfaction with life is the lack of happiness in this very life. Or is it a person’s inability to feel happy. This still needs to be sorted out.

So, when I could not find absolutely happy people who would be completely satisfied with their lives, I decided to pay attention to myself. How are things going with me? Am I satisfied with my life, am I happy with everything in it, am I happy? After some reflection, I realized that, to a certain extent, I was also not satisfied with my life, that I also could not say that I was happy, despite the fact that much in my life suited me and suits me. And then I decided to look for the answer to my question not in the external, but in myself. inner world, - I decided to look inside myself to understand why dissatisfaction with life exists at all.

I want to say right away that feeling unhappy and dissatisfied with your life are slightly different things. People feel unhappy mainly when they lose something, and dissatisfied in those cases when they cannot get something, achieve something, or succeed in something. In other words, not being happy and being unhappy are not the same thing. Therefore, you and I will talk about what we don’t have, and not about what we, each of them, have lost.

What don't we have?

And what, in fact, do we not have, what do we lack for complete happiness? Why are we not satisfied with our lives even when we have a lot and have lost nothing? I think I know the answer to this question. Still, in search of happiness and satisfaction, I delved into myself for quite a long time and found a lot. You see, friends, we live in a world in which there are a lot of interesting things that perhaps we don’t really need, that we don’t really need, but that we would like to have. And this desire to constantly reach for something - it creates a certain discomfort in the human soul. Remember, I wrote at the very beginning that a person must feel a certain dissatisfaction in order to simply be alive, in order to want something, strive for something, move for something, in general, in order to be active? That's the whole point. Without dissatisfaction, desire will not arise, and without desire there will be no action, and without action a person is not a person.

The trick is that we don’t really know what we want. We don't even know what happiness is. We always want what we currently need or what we simply don’t have. In the first case, everything is clear - we have certain needs and we strive to satisfy them. I mean natural needs. And the rest, what we don’t have, but what we want to have, is the same carrot that should be dangling in front of our noses all our lives. This carrot keeps us active. It is not only an irritant, but also a reward for us. After all, we see our happiness mainly in what gives us pleasure, which, without suffering, over time ceases to be pleasure and turns into the norm, into routine, into a neutral sensation. And when there are fewer bright sensations in our life, then no matter how cool it is for us, for you, you will not be fully satisfied with it. You may not know people who enjoy problems, difficulties in life that make their life interesting, but I do. These people, unlike most other people, lack problems, lack thrills, lack the contrast between good and bad, thanks to which life is perceived more fully. The point is to see the difference between what is and what could be. This difference worries us. It should concern us so that we realize our potential while striving for something else. It is not necessarily that it is different that will be better or greater good for us, the main thing is that it is different. It is important for us that our lives become better or at least simply change, so that we see the best in the familiar.

So it’s not that we lack something, that’s why we are not satisfied with life and feel unhappy. Or vice versa - we feel unhappy because we are not satisfied with life - this is not so important. The point is that this is how it should be. This idea, in principle simple, is not so deep, but very important. Just imagine that in your life you have everything you need, you are happy with everything and you don’t want anything else. What will you do with such a life? Just don't tell me to enjoy it. You won't be able to enjoy it if you don't have an appetite for something conventionally bigger and better, or a fear of losing what you have. It's like with food - if there is a lot of it and it is very tasty, then you will quickly get bored with it. You will either need to overeat in order to get more pleasure from food, or starve a little so that you have a passionate appetite again. Therefore, do not expect that having achieved everything you want to achieve and received everything you want to receive, you will feel complete satisfaction from your life. However, you will still experience a feeling of happiness when you achieve what you dream of, but not for long. For nature, or better to say, life, although it rewards a person for his efforts, it does not allow him to rest on his laurels, but pushes him forward all the time.

The problem of dissatisfaction with life

Based on the above, we can conclude that the problem of dissatisfaction with life is largely a fictitious problem. If we are not talking about the banal survival of a person and the realization of his natural destiny, to which our instincts push us, then everything else, because of which we feel dissatisfaction with life, has more to do with our imagination, and not with real life. In other words, this problem is often not real, and therefore not serious. But at the same time, it makes sense. It helps us understand why we need to live. We just need to correctly understand the feeling of internal discomfort that we experience when we are not satisfied with something. How to do this, how to understand this feeling? It’s all very simple - nature rewards us with pleasure for acting in accordance with its goals and punishes us with pain and suffering for straying from the path we need from its point of view. Therefore, if you listen to yourself, your body, your mind, your inner voice, your intuition, then you will understand what you really need and what you should strive for in order to live in harmony with nature and feel happy. But at the same time, you must understand that you should always strive for something. The problem of dissatisfaction with life will be relevant for those of us who stop and stop doing something. Then such a person will inevitably begin to think about the results that he has achieved and which he has not achieved. And something will definitely begin to dissatisfy him.

Also here you need to take into account one more very important point– life does not stand still, it is constantly changing, and we must change with it. Our achievements of yesterday may be completely devalued tomorrow, both in our own eyes and in general. There must be progress in our lives, and preferably mainly qualitative, not quantitative. You cannot stagnate in one place all the time and be satisfied with what you have, with the exception of the most important things for the life of each individual person, his basic values, which we will talk about below. You need to try to somehow modernize your life so that something new appears in it. You cannot always enjoy the same achievements, the same life, the same things. And even our habits, which help us stay in our comfort zone, do not save us from the disappointment that we experience when nothing qualitatively changes in our lives. You see that a person, having received something, after some time ceases to appreciate it and ceases to enjoy it. Even in those cases when he has everything, he is bored and not interested in living the same life. He will inevitably feel dissatisfied if some zest does not appear in his life, if some spark does not arise that brings the desired variety to everyday life. So no pleasure can last forever. No life, no matter how high quality it is, can satisfy us completely for a long time. The carrot in front of our nose, as I said above, will always dangle. And at the same time, there will always be something [dissatisfaction, dissatisfaction, discomfort, pain, difficulty] tingling at the back of us if we stop. You see how interesting everything is in our lives. On the one hand, we have pleasure, which cannot be eternal, but to which we are instinctively drawn, and on the other, dissatisfaction, discomfort, pain, because of which we cannot stop.

I noticed in myself that as soon as something begins to dissatisfy me, the best thing I can do to get rid of this feeling is to start doing something. You can at least just start planning, dreaming, setting goals for the future to keep your mind busy with work. Work heals the soul. So sometimes you need to think less and do more to feel good.

However, taking into account the above, you may ask a completely fair question - how can you understand the pleasure that a person receives from things that bring him harm - from alcohol, tobacco, drugs? It’s hard to call them a reward from nature, life, for a person’s desire for more and better, because these things kill him? A logical question, you will agree. I have a theory about this, which I have already found confirmation in several sources. I believe that for those people who decide to spit on themselves and their lives, nature provides a deadly pleasure, receiving which they accelerate their own, so to speak, disposal. It should be pleasant for a person to do everything - even destroy himself. Then it will act very effectively. Therefore, when you see people who feel happy and satisfied thanks to something harmful to their health, do not rush to think that everything is fine with them, much less envy them. Nature has its own plans for these people, and they are by no means the best. You need to learn to enjoy more worthy things that contribute to the development of a person and improve his life, and do not lead to degradation and death. We all must develop, improve, achieve more, this is what nature, life, and the Universe want from us. Therefore, every time a person stops there, even if he did everything correctly, if he strived for what he really needs according to nature’s plan, he begins to feel discomfort, which increases more and more if he continues to stand still or begins to move in the wrong direction. Therefore, dissatisfaction with life haunts those who, firstly, do not do what they should do, and secondly, stop doing what they should do. At the same time, if a person decides to spit on himself and his life, if he does not consider himself worthy of better and more and therefore does not want to strive for anything, it will open before him new road to pleasure, which leads to the end of his story. This is my opinion on this matter.

So we are very interesting creatures, as you can see. We all want something, and it turns us on, it forces us to move, it forces us to try to do something to get what we want. But there is also something we don’t want, sometimes without understanding why exactly we don’t want it. And what we don’t want also pushes us forward and upward, and sometimes much stronger than the desire to get something and come to something. It happens that a person convinces himself that he does not want to work at the job in which he works, or live with the person with whom he lives, or be who he is. This gives rise to a desire in him to change his life and himself. Our reluctance is also desire, only in a different form. And until we see reality as we want to see it, we cannot be fully satisfied with our lives. The only question is how we can see the reality that we want to see. Should we see it in what we have or in what we don't have? After all, both sides of life are real. One indicates our achievements, and the other indicates our desires. The first should please us, and the second, at least, inspire us. Therefore, the difference between what we see and what we want to see is actually not big, and sometimes there is none at all. Because seeing our life as happy makes us happy, no matter what others think about it. And if we are not satisfied with something and suffer because of it, then isn’t it our own choice, isn’t it we ourselves who make ourselves unhappy, preferring to suffer? After all, you and I can rejoice in what we have, or we can be dissatisfied with it and even hate it. Because we don’t have enough or because we wanted something different. Why is it not enough for us to have what we have, why can’t we be satisfied with it? Or why do we always want what we don't have? I think it will be better if everyone answers these questions for themselves. In the meantime, we can make the assumption that the problem of dissatisfaction with life is subjective. She may or may not exist. Everything depends on us.

If you believe that your life is bad and uninteresting, then it will become that way for you - bad and uninteresting, even if there is a lot going on in it that other people consider very good and interesting. And if you love what you have, then for a while you will feel like a very happy person. So our thoughts can influence our internal state as much as real changes in life. This is another very important approach to the issue of dissatisfaction with life. Let's look at it in more detail.

Happiness is within us

So, above we found out that the feeling of dissatisfaction, dissatisfaction, discomfort are all incentives that push us to change, to improve our lives, which encourage us to strive for more and better. However, there are such things in the life of every person, such, better said, values ​​that do not need to be changed, or in any case it is undesirable, but you need to get pleasure from them in order to be satisfied with your life and feel happy. For example, family, children, favorite activity, others dear to man people, places, things, values ​​that are a kind of life support for him, that determine the meaning of his life - all this can be loved throughout his life. You need to be able to appreciate and take care of all this. And to do this, you need to receive great pleasure and complete satisfaction from everything that is dear and important to you. And this can be achieved precisely with the help of the right thoughts and beliefs. Let's now think about what these thoughts and beliefs should be in order to help a person, if not forever, then at least long enough to appreciate and love what is important and dear to him so that he is completely satisfied with his life, despite no matter what.

I believe that the most important thing that we need to understand is that there is nothing best or worst in this life - everything has its own value, its own advantages, its own merits. In other words, everything is relative. Yes, on the one hand, we need to strive for the best, otherwise we would still live in caves, but on the other hand, there must be some kind of constancy in our lives, some kind of stability, some kind of predictability, so that we had peace in our souls. I know that there are people who do not need this - they are ready for absolutely any changes and, moreover, they strive for them with all their might. But I know even more of those who always want to have something that will remain unchanged, that they don’t want to change under any circumstances. And such people are the majority. We need values ​​that will be only our values ​​always and everywhere, that will be for us reliable support at all times. So we need both changes in life and stability. And these things can be combined. Innovative thinking does not contradict conservative thinking, it's all about proportions. Much needs to be changed, improved, improved, but there must also be something constant in our lives, some core that we will consider our personal value. Therefore, do not compare what is dear, important and valuable to you with anything else. Let’s say you have a loved one who loves you, appreciates you, respects you, understands you - you don’t need to demand more from him, you don’t need to compare him with anyone, you don’t need to change him in any way. Tell yourself - this is my value, and nothing else and no one else interests me. There is nothing better in this world than your value, your happiness, and there cannot be! Accept this thought to realize your happiness. Happiness is within us, because it depends on our perception of ourselves and our life, and not on life and not on those who surround us in it. Otherwise, you will never find your happiness, because you will always doubt that you have found it.

So I am absolutely convinced that our happiness lies within us. In any case, I found it there - inside myself. And it lies in our acceptance, first of all, of ourselves as we are, as well as in our acceptance of those goals, values, people, achievements that we currently have in our lives. This does not mean that it is enough to simply convince yourself that everything is fine with you and that you do not need to change anything in yourself and in your life. And you don’t need to strive for anything or want anything. This suggests that it is very important to appreciate what you have and work with it, develop and improve it, and not ask life for everything else, relying on the injustice of your fate. This is what we have been given - this is what we need to go through life with in order to be satisfied with it. We need to have a foundation in the form of values ​​that are important and unchangeable for each of us, from which we will grow. For on life path each of us throughout our lives will have a variety of problems, obstacles and difficulties, to solve and overcome which it is extremely important to always remember for whom and for what you are doing this. Appreciate yours only because it is yours. Don't think that there is something somewhere better than that, what is very valuable and important for you, what you have thanks to fate. Don't question your core values ​​unnecessarily, otherwise you will lose peace, lose inner strength, lose faith in yourself. Because how can you believe in someone who doesn’t know his own worth?

You know, some people constantly look for their happiness on the side, believing that better conditions, With the best people, V best time– they will be able to feel truly happy. This is partly true, let’s not deceive ourselves. External conditions determine a lot in our lives. But think about why you don’t now have what you think should make you a happier person? Isn’t it because you have to come to this, having the base that you currently have, isn’t it because better life you need not to search, but to create, and not sometime there, but here and now? Start by appreciating very highly everything that you already have - evaluate yourself, your life, your capabilities, the people who surround you, the life you have. Form, group and polish your value system - it will help you achieve everything you want. It will give you strength in difficult times and allow you to resist temptations that could destroy you.

This is how, dear readers, I found my happiness within myself. And I felt great satisfaction from this. I am still as ambitious as before, I have a lot of plans for life, a lot of goals - operational, tactical and strategic, there are grandiose dreams that I strive to make reality, in other words, I don’t stand still, I strive forward and up, I strive for the best. But at the same time, I really appreciate, love and cherish everything that I have, which is important and dear to me. This is my support, my foundation, which gives me strength and determines the meaning of my life. And when I help people cope with their dissatisfaction with life, I do two things - first I help them realize and very highly appreciate everything that they already have, that belongs to them and is part of their personality, their life, then I help them form their basic values ​​and thus find their happiness within themselves, or you can also say - create it based on these values, and then we just look at what and how they can improve in their life to make it even more interesting, beautiful and happy . As you can see, conservatism goes very well with innovation. You can strive for more and better and at the same time appreciate, love and take care of the most precious thing a person has.

And, believe me, friends, there are no deadlocks. Every person is rich in something, everyone has something valuable and very important to him, and everyone can achieve more and better with the help of everything that he already has. To do this, you just need to decide on the first, most important step and not be afraid to take it. And having done it, go to the end. And then dissatisfaction with life will turn from a problem for a person into an excellent opportunity to make his life even happier and more interesting.

Eternally dissatisfied people We've probably met everyone. Perhaps you, dear reader, from time to time experience a feeling of dissatisfaction with something or someone. Most often, dissatisfaction is caused by the people around us and circumstances. It's worse when we are unhappy with ourselves. But if these sensations cloud the mind and corrode the soul only occasionally and pass quickly, then this is normal, it is like healthy self-criticism. What to do if dissatisfaction constantly prevails over other feelings?

What can cause negative emotions and an eternally sour face?

Most often, these are envious neighbors, idiotic colleagues, stupid children, stupid spouses, incomprehensible love relationship, work, lack of funds, etc. and so on. You can find a reason to tear everything and everyone to smithereens and grumble! Is it necessary?

In this article we will look at:
— What prevents people from experiencing life satisfaction?
— What ways are there to change the world around us?
— How to make the feeling of satisfaction with life come more often?

We will offer you a simple test, answering the questions of which will help you find the way to big changes in your life, of course - in better side.

Why doesn't the world adapt to us so that we are always happy with life?

Funny question, isn't it?

Every grumbler has at least once wondered why everything is not going the way he wants? A feeling of dissatisfaction arises when the desired and the actual do not coincide. If everyone had everything they want and lived according to their ideas about happy life, would he have reasons to be dissatisfied? Probably yes!

Do you know why? It’s just that this is such a character, and life does not give such people, looking for a reason to grumble, another fate…. Therefore, they will continue to live with their dissatisfaction, not suspecting that everything can be corrected.

Feeling of discontent - where is the root of evil buried?

In short, people and circumstances that complicate life are to blame for everything. And if you dig deeper, dissatisfaction grows in our head, in our way of thinking and in our attitude towards a particular situation.
Let's see what can be changed in the life of an eternally dissatisfied person.

Life satisfaction- This is primarily the achievement of some goals and results. Accordingly, while we are moving towards cherished dream, there may be many obstacles along the way, a waste of time and effort. Sometimes all our attempts to achieve a goal do not produce significant results, and feeling of dissatisfaction grows like corrosion. Know how to stop in time and stop your own destruction!

Think about what happened from the moment you started pursuing your dream? Even if the final result has not been achieved, and it has already become clearly clear that failure has finally won, you should not give up. It is necessary to analyze everything that happened at this stage, i.e. take into account intermediate results. And sometimes they can turn out to be much more effective, more useful than an unattained goal.

A simple and common example is when people are looking for a job, go to interviews, but nothing changes - there is no job. In fact, while searching for the right job, a person makes new acquaintances and gains invaluable experience in presenting himself, his successes and achievements. Accordingly, more self-confidence begins to appear, sober calculation and analysis appear, and then it’s worth thinking about - maybe ask for an increase in salary, rather than look for a new job?
This is a simple example that actually gives partial, intermediate results, which could not even be predicted in advance.

Perhaps our current situation will be assessed much more rosier than before we begin to do something.

Dissatisfaction with life due to fear

What to do if a person is always afraid of something?
If we consider fear as a feeling of self-preservation, then this is justified in some cases, for example, being afraid to climb a mountain slope without insurance, etc.

It’s another matter when people justify their laziness and lack of initiative by fear of change.
Some people are afraid of risk and therefore they do not change anything in their lives, continuing to feel thrown overboard from a comfortable, joyful life.

It is this fear that deprives a person of will and prevents him from making a correct assessment of his talents, strengths, etc. Such fear manifests itself against the background of hidden depression and anxiety.

There are several options to correct the situation:

• Contact a psychotherapist, undergo a course of therapy, and then the thought of a complete fiasco will not seem something terrible.
• Calculate all risks, consider the most bad options and ways out of them.
• Change character. In fact, this is possible at any age. And only those who don’t want to do anything say that at 35 (45...) it’s too late to change.
• Buy it for self-analysis, watch films about successful people.

What's the easiest thing to do to get out of the swamp?

Eternal doubts, programming the hopelessness of what is planned, suspicion, uncertainty are the most important inhibitors to prosperity. It is these character qualities that take away courage, initiative,

Even if what you plan doesn’t work out the way you wanted, remember that intermediate results and the experience gained can open up new opportunities.

Nothing helps... neither books, nor films... Is self-analysis boring and difficult, and leads even deeper into depression? Then you definitely need the help of a psychologist. And there's nothing wrong with that. Scarier - Feel dissatisfied with life all the time.

Questions to help you understand how to get rid of feelings of dissatisfaction

Until you reach a psychologist, try to figure it out on your own.
To start:

1. Decide which aspect of life dissatisfies you the most
2. Write down all your main desired improvements: work, hobbies, personal life, children, place of residence, image, figure, education. etc.

1. What will change in my life if I succeed?
2. Where should I start, and how long will it take me to reach my goal?
3. How much education do I have? physical strength, financial opportunities to achieve what you want? Those. Decide how difficult the path to meeting your personal needs will be for you.
4. What do I have that can help me achieve my goal? Skills, talents, education, charm, perseverance...
5. What character traits do I need to correct - habit, laziness, chronic distrust of people... ()
6. What happens if I crash on the way to my goal?
7. Who or what can stop me from achieving my plans?
8. What needs to be done to eliminate (prevent) interference and reduce the influence of negative factors on my answers from the previous paragraphs?
9. What kind of insurance do I need, a plan to cope with unexpected troubles, mistakes on?
10. Who can I rely on? Who can help me? This is the last question you should answer because... in this life you need to rely only on yourself, and be able to cope with all difficulties on your own. If you have one reliable person, show him your answers to all these questions. Let him evaluate from the outside how much you are really capable of changing your life.

How to make life satisfaction come more often?

Remember one more thing important rule— the more realistic your goal, the faster you will come to it. If you set the bar high, you can get into a lot of trouble and end up with terrible disappointment.

That's why, great goal divide into several small ones. Then, satisfaction from the results achieved will come more often, and dissatisfaction with life will be less noticeable. This way it is easier to train yourself to fail, to strengthen your will.

And one more thing, the last and most important thing is to act!
The best day is today.

Some more interesting articles.

What could it be from? constant nervousness and feelings of dissatisfaction? As if I had lost the meaning of life? I recently received a letter with such questions through the feedback form. In this section there is a new answer from a happiness psychologist.

Lost the meaning of life.

Losing the meaning of life - a common symptom accompanied by nervousness, insomnia, apathy and severe stress.

Self-dissatisfaction is the scourge of our time. Constant dissatisfaction with oneself is the main symptom of the negative life position “I am bad.” (c) Psychologist of Happiness.

How satisfied and satisfied are you with yourself?

Symptoms of self-dissatisfaction.

• I don’t understand what’s going on and what’s stopping me

• Anxiety about the future

• Desire to take it to the next level

• Feeling of a “mess in life”, a dead end, a swamp

• Doubts about yourself and the correctness of your decisions

• I feel like I'm going in the wrong place

• I don’t see a way out, a feeling of intractability of some problems

• Unsolvable situation

• "Swamp", "dead end"

• Irritability

• No goals! I don’t really understand what I want!

• Melancholy, depressed, depressed mood

• Already from the text of the letters, symptoms and signs of a depressive scenario are visible:

  • Depressive life position (I -, You +). Characterized by low self-esteem and withdrawal from interaction with the outside world - into oneself or into.

  • Lack of self-love. Yet again low self-esteem. Constant apologies about “I’m doing something wrong.” Self-criticism and self-irony with which the entire text is imbued. The “excellent student syndrome” is evident.

  • Post stress state. Life consists of a series of stresses directly related to the chosen position in life. there will not necessarily be apathy. This can be accumulated aggression, and, as in this case, an increase in the level of anxiety up to and including phobias.

  • Early script decision. The main thing was clearly taken at the age of 5-6 years and is directly related to the departure of the father and scenes of quarrels between the parents. Then, as can be seen from the letter, it is confirmed in adolescence and is now strengthening. What kind of decision is this and how it determines satisfaction with life and oneself, a change to an adult decision is mainly the subject of scenario therapy.

  • Psychological games. Their analysis is also the subject of consultation with a psychologist. For now, it is clear that the reader enters the game as the Victim and leaves, saving herself, as the Persecutor.

  Summing up summary This initial analysis, I will add that it is better not to delay the consultation, since the exacerbation of negative psychological states directly indicates that the scenario has reached its climax.

Most people face problems such as dissatisfaction with life, depression, and loss of strength. It seems that everything is bad and there is no way out... This is a serious problem that can lead to irreversible consequences. Therefore, let's figure out why dissatisfaction with life occurs and how to deal with this condition?

My observations show that dissatisfaction with life most often arises in cases when a person does not know what he actually needs from life? Not knowing where to go, he cannot decide - what is important to him, what he wants, and finally, why does he live? This main question, which you need to put in front of you. Some people live to work, for others it is more important to create. happy family, get into the Book of Records or fly around the earth in a hot air balloon.

If you understand what you really want, dissatisfaction with life will immediately go away. And in order to understand this, remember - what activity brings you the greatest pleasure? What are you interested in doing? What were your dreams and desires? Lately? When in last time did you feel like an absolutely happy person? What were you doing at that moment? Write this information on a piece of paper, put it in front of you, look at it and just think about something - the solution will come by itself.

Talk to friends, make an appointment with people you haven't seen for a long time, go to relatives - in general, take your mind off your problems. Let your subconscious mind work and it will give you a solution. The main thing, if you feel dissatisfied with life, is not to fret and not to cut from the shoulder. Do not rush to make any drastic decisions without being sure that you are acting correctly. You can read more about how to set goals in my.

If you know what you want from life, dissatisfaction with life may arise if you cannot achieve what you want or have no idea how to achieve it. My advice to you in this case is to read books, but not all, but only. Look at the people who have achieved high altitudes in life - their example will encourage you to forget about despondency and dissatisfaction with life and begin to take active action. And in this case this is the most important thing, believe me!

If you feel like you're in difficult situation If you feel dissatisfied with life and don’t know a way out - write in the comments, I will try to answer and help with practical advice.

Comments (23):

1. Raya
   05/12/2010 at 10:50

   But I know what I want in life, but the realization that I don’t have it at the age of 29 just kills me. I want to have a family, a husband, children, and that everything is done with love and based on mutual respect. But I don't have it. I have few friends, and the fact that I don’t have what I want hurts my character, because I see it in others and begin to envy and feel sorry for myself. and I don’t understand why I should live if I can’t achieve this. It also seems to me that I will not achieve this, because by the age of 29 I did not have Serious relationships with men, they don’t look at me, and I don’t know how to attract their attention. And my mood doesn’t make me more attractive. I am constantly in the grip of such thoughts and I don’t know how to get rid of them.

2. Sersh
   05/17/2010 at 17:24

   Raya, it’s wonderful that you know what you need in life. Many people don't realize this at all, so you're already in luck. In my opinion, now it’s worth asking yourself questions - what am I doing in order to achieve my goals? Outline an action plan and start executing it! Judging by your words, you know what you want, but you don’t make enough effort to achieve your goals. Fix this and everything will be great for you. Good luck to you!

3. Reader
   05/25/2010 at 12:08

   Raya, do something outside of work, spend more time on yourself, go out, go somewhere, get acquainted!

4. Kate
   06/04/2010 at 12:56
5. Alina
   10/22/2010 at 17:36

   I have a problem here too. I was once a teacher and really liked it. Then she went abroad for happiness. It's stupid, but I did it. She didn’t know what she needed. Result: I study economics. One. It feels like returning home and doing what you love. I don’t want to live with my mother, she’s already big. It's hard to find a man you like. I'm making an effort though. I don’t think I’ll find a couple at home either. Hometown quite small. How am I supposed to do with two? higher education? That's what I think. And study for two more years.

6. Sersh
   10/22/2010 at 10:33 pm

   Katya, broaden your horizons, go to a bookstore and see what books interest you. Try working in different companies, in different industries - search and find what attracts you. This may take time, but it will definitely be time well spent! Good luck to you in finding your path.

7. Sersh
   10/22/2010 at 10:39 pm

   Alina, it’s difficult for me to give definite advice in your case. Very little information. Why did you go abroad? What didn’t suit you in your homeland?

   Generally speaking, my view on choosing a profession is as follows: you need to work where you are interested. If your calling is to teach, then it is better to be a happy teacher than an unhappy economist.

   Regarding the search for a life partner. Many problems stem from the fact that people do not know who they need. What kind of man do you need? Decide on your selection criteria, and then finding your soulmate will be much easier.

8. Ainura
   10/25/2010 at 15:10

   what to do if the feeling of not being understood by others, hatred of lies and hypocrisy does not leave you. and the further I go, the more I become convinced that there is only lies, profit and hypocrisy all around. and also indifference. I can't live with this anymore, it's hard for me.

9. Sersh
   10/28/2010 at 14:06

   Ainura, please write in more detail, what is happening in your life that such thoughts come to you? Of course, there is enough lies, hypocrisy, deception and greed in the world - without this it is impossible human society. People tend to pursue their own benefit. But the world is far from being as black as you describe it. There are a lot of positive things in it!

   Such thoughts may be prompted by some complex life situations. But difficulties pass, recessions are a normal phenomenon before recovery. The main thing is to believe in yourself!

10. Yuri!
    04/18/2011 at 22:22

    It seems funny to read these comments, but on the other hand I see a little of myself in this. Sersh is having a hard time. to respond to all pessimists))) I was sitting here right now for probably half an hour composing a comment to leave here, but in the end I changed my mind. I think why complain, it’s better to write something sensible!
    People, work hard for everyone, and everything will be fine. (working does not mean working as a security guard, office plankton, etc.) in short, you need to set a goal and work hard, work hard, and work hard. and enjoy every minute, rejoice in the fact that you are surrounded by your loved ones, that there is no war, that you eat Tasty food. this is my little opinion!

11. Sersh
    04/19/2011 at 14:12

    Yuri, thank you for your comment. Your attitude is correct - optimism is better than pessimism.

12. Natalia
    08/05/2011 at 06:38

    I completely agree with Yuri and for a long time I live precisely by this principle, I love to work, I love to be useful, but lately I have also had a feeling of dissatisfaction due to the fact that I am not using my full potential, that I have missed many opportunities. In addition, the attitude of the people around you is annoying, a huge number of whom will only whine instead of doing anything. In addition, I began to have doubts about whether I was following right choice, deciding to become an independent woman, while many of my friends simply find rich husbands. Being self-sufficient comes with a lot of responsibility, and there is a degree of uncertainty.

13. Anna
    08/11/2011 at 18:31

    I agree with you, Yuri! Work hard and work hard on the path to self-healing and believe that all this is not in vain!!!

14. Ksyusha
    02/24/2012 at 20:14

    I do not know what I want. I have 3 months left to study at the academy. Don't want! tired!!! always when I think about what kind of life I would like, I imagine autumn, wet trees, freshness, a cozy house where I live alone for some reason, a car, and I am some kind of charismatic, strong, self-confident person with humor, who has money, with whom people seek communication and love. And today in real life - I’m a wimp with no friends, I’m pregnant with a child, I don’t have a schedule, we’re renting, I’m studying from a C to a B, somehow. I live off my boyfriend and my mother helps. I can’t imagine a job with a salary higher than 15 thousand rubles. and I feel that everyone who occasionally communicates with me does it out of pity and condescension, and my only friend is a friend only because she herself is the same... she doesn’t know what she wants

15. Ksyusha
    02/24/2012 at 20:17

    I’ll add: even going to the cinema or visiting friends is not fun, nothing is interesting, except maybe shopping. and housing prices are so scary with my level of 15 thousand rubles. where to take yourself and what to interest you. I want to lie down and fall asleep and sleep sleep sleep... and wake up - and all problems are solved!

16. Astemir
    02/25/2012 at 22:44

    Hello. I’m in the 9th grade. I’m studying for the 4th grade. But I don’t know where to go. Who to study with. I think I was drawn to geography. But that passed. Then also physics

17. Rita
    02/27/2012 at 11:33

    I have this situation. I live in the capital, I have been working in my specialty for 1 year, I rent a house with a friend in a two-room apartment, I am dating a guy.
    but I don't feel happy. The work does not suit me because there is no growth, when there was a desire to do at least something, it was repulsed. I work on a helpline, and.. I always dreamed of working as a psychologist, but it seems that I’m about to give up and leave the specialty altogether. The young man, my other half, loves, appreciates, respects, and everything seems to be fine, but time is running out, but there are no serious decisions... and he is no longer a boy, I am 23, he is 28, and I want some certainty, but there is none. And I’m an independent, grown-up girl, I have to solve all my problems myself. My main concern is work today. The fact is that it changes me not for the better, I become cynical and angry. What kind of a psychologist am I... and the decision to give up everything is gradually maturing, and I myself can’t believe it. This is the situation. What should I do?

18. Irina
    03/03/2012 at 14:47

    I’m 46 years old. I’m completely depressed and dissatisfied with life. I don’t know what I want. My job doesn’t suit me at all. I’m going to quit on Monday. I don’t have a new job. I have no interest in anything. I’ve been single for a long time. Trying to get acquainted with the man, too, complete disappointment. The children are adults, they have their own lives, I don’t interfere, but I don’t want to disturb them either. There is no separate housing to separate from. In general, overboard

19. Sersh
    03/28/2012 at 22:20

    Rita, look for another job that will satisfy you. Search, even if you don’t fully believe that you will find - the main thing in life is to act and move in the right direction. Water wears away stones. You have a problem in your work - that means you need to change it!

20. Sersh
    03/28/2012 at 22:22

    Irina, depression is normal. I also get depressed, when it seems like everything has arrived, everything is bad. At these moments, you need to pull yourself together and first of all find out what you want from life and what needs to be done to realize these desires? Make it a rule to do one thing every day, even a small improvement in your life, to move in the desired direction - you will be surprised how quickly you will get out of depression and everything will get better. The main thing is to act!

21. Julia
    09.24.2012 at 11:14

    Hello, I'm 22 years old. Almost a year ago I left my husband with a 2-year-old child. It was very difficult, but we survived it. Afterwards there were 2 mistakes in choosing men, but I made the appropriate conclusions. Now I live with my beloved man, who has loved me for a long time, took my daughter as his own, and takes care of us. I myself am studying to be a paramedic. Last year. Everything is fine in life, but very often I notice, and my loved one too, that I am constantly depressed. And I can’t understand why... This makes it hard for everyone. I really want to change everything, but every little thing pisses me off. I feel good only when my beloved and I put the child to bed, when I am next to him and can fully concentrate on him. How to deal with this depression during the day?(

22. Hope
    12/22/2013 at 12:21

    Hello, I’m 30 years old, I have a wonderful 3-year-old daughter, a husband who helps me with household chores, but unfortunately he’s not very sociable, we don’t go to visit anyone and they rarely come to us, and even his relatives have lost their friends, I don’t even know. at what point and for what reason, but the problem now is that there is not enough money for anything and my husband has a small opinion, but this lack of money, lack of holidays and communication is stable, it’s just killing me, nothing makes me happy at all, I’m trying to restrain myself, but I just can’t do it at work anymore either everything has gone topsy-turvy, some kind of stop has come, I want to get away from everyone, anywhere and far, far away if it weren’t for the child, I probably would have already run away

23. Vigen
    06/01/2016 at 23:13

    It seems like everything is there: appearance, work, travel, money, family.
    But there is no happiness, no saturation and pleasure.
    I want peace of mind. I'm afraid the source is the lack of purpose, meaning.
    Constant depression. ...