Generic scenarios, what are they and what are they? Changing generic scenarios.

Our Family is our wealth and the basis of our inner strength and at the same time our karmic legacy. How does the power of the Family manifest itself in our lives and how can we control this power? How to get rid of the negative legacy of our ancestors? What determines the health of the family tree and prosperity for us and our descendants? For hundreds of years people have been trying to find answers to these questions.

The genus is often depicted as a tree, the roots of which are nourished by our past, and the branches ascend into the future - to our descendants.

Healthy roots mean healthy branches and an abundance of fruit. But if the roots are weak or weak, then the tree dries and does not bear fruit. Likewise, families without children are like drying trees that can no longer bear fruit.

Why is this so important?

Generic programs begin to operate from birth. We inherit from our ancestors all the leading qualities, talents, rules, instructions, cultural norms that are embedded in the tribal system. Here are just some of them:

— Predisposition to a particular type of activity.

— Patterns of behavior in relationships

— Preferences in the perception of color, taste

— Inclination towards any profession

— Certain typical character traits for representatives of the clan system.

However, we inherit not only the positive aspects. We are often influenced . Knowledge of the existence of such programs and elaboration of them will allow you to change your fate. This can significantly make our life easier, restore health, luck, luck, and help protect against negative phenomena.

What does the broad concept of Genus include?

Why was belonging to a particular family so significant in past centuries? Why consider pedigree up to the seventh generation? Certain questions become relevant to us and arise as we encounter certain problems throughout our lives. This is why people create family tree- Rod tree. This is nothing more than an opportunity to get to know your ancestry, which means getting to know yourself. website

For example, there has long been a tradition of remembering relatives only on the good side. It is especially customary to talk about those who stood out for certain qualities. And it is customary not to remember about others who are guilty. Thus, some representatives of the clan become excluded from the Clan system. And we receive knowledge about the members of the family dynasty in a distorted form. Silence, reticence, omission of certain facts still affects the descendants.

Sometimes we are not out of loyalty to the clan. In order not to follow tribal orders, you need to beg yourself for permission to go a different way, and this means coming to an agreement with the tribal system.

Your life can be a litmus test for the well-being of your family if:

If you are doing well in life

If you have found yourself and your favorite thing in this life

If there is no problem that repeats throughout life

If you don't have any contradictions

If you are not living someone's destiny from the family

You are a successful person, you have good relationships in your family and at work.

You are cheerful and achieve what you want.

In this case, you are not living out the scenario from Rod.

However, if everything is different, you should not complain about your pedigree. Remember that everything happens for a reason.

You choose your clan and parents in order to go through experience and solve the problems that are posed specifically in this clan.The soul, choosing parents, nationality, place of incarnation, becomes a link in the chain of generations. And if the incarnation occurs in a family burdened with curses and negativity, then this is.

P grow parents who couldn't give you love and education. If your birth occurred in a family of alcoholics or beggars, then this.Go through difficult things, but important lessons of Fate, develop missing personal and spiritual qualities. The main test in such situations is the test of unconditional love..

It is the absence of Love that is the main cause of most negative Ancestral programs. One very bright representative of the clan is enough to bring living energies into the family tree, which heal the entire birth canal. In this way, the entire clan can be cleansed and gain other, higher vibrations of energies. website

How to heal your Family?

It is possible to change ancestral programs only when everyone in the family and all the events that happened to relatives are accepted. To do this you need to know, understand and accept, and therefore realize, see and correct mistakes. It is important to realize and heal what was kept silent and not agreed upon. Because it is impossible to rewrite history by excluding someone from the family. You need to accept all events as a given without contrition, regret or condemnation.

How to do this without knowing your ancestors? It is not so difficult. After all, in ourselves, in our character traits, in family scenarios, there is a lot of information about the entire DNA line of our forefathers. We inherit this from birth.

It is important to understand that the person acted at that moment exactly as he could act, and it was the right, best decision for him in his life. this moment, then discontent and hostility will never appear. So, the healing of the family occurs through participation and connection with all members of the family tree to the depth of the roots. True healing comes with acceptance and forgiveness of all participants in events and oneself, as part of this generic organism. With the restoration of communication, you will receive vitality, the energy of more than one generation. website

You can undergo special energy healing programs for cleansing karmic and ancestral programs, which have a beneficial effect on the state of your DNA, which actually contains generic information. Some of the information is cleared at the subtle—field—causal level. As a result, you will not only free yourself from negative states and scenarios, but you can also...

What is behind the violation of generic programs?

A person cannot boast of a smooth life when there is a confrontation with established generic programs. When a rule is broken, a person steps over the ancestral programs and a conflict with the genus arises. Each program must be completed, and your exit from the tribal system leads to the destruction of the power of the clan. However, this does not end there, since your fate will also be spoiled thoroughly.

Healing of the race happens with eliminating all negative programs influencing your life. By working through negative situations and manifestations, you will restore the strength of your family and refuse to repeat birth mistakes in your life.

Sincerely ask for forgiveness from your parents while they are alive, and if they are no longer alive, then you can mentally ask for forgiveness from those who are already in the other world. This is important not so much for them as for us. The power of forgiveness heals birth wounds caused by insults, bitterness of misunderstanding, indifference and hard-heartedness. Energy force the species is thus restored, resuming the natural course.

How to strengthen your connection with Rod?

Parental blessing was considered the most powerful way to strengthen family ties in Rus'.. Our ancestors gave blessings for any significant events - marriage, trips, etc. Today, you can also use the power of blessing for your children even if they are not nearby, this can be done from a distance - the power of blessing depends not on distances, but on

No group is complete without the topic of scenarios. I’ve given just a few stories, and for some reason I’m sure that each of you found yourself in at least one. This prompted me to explore this topic even wider and more fully. And now I am preparing a separate course on this topic. But now I want to give you the recipes that I know.

What other scenarios are there:

• I can't be happy if my mother is unhappy. This is a very common scenario among girls and girls cannot get married because their mother is single. A very strange moment, because in fact, no mother who has lived her life alone consciously wants the same fate for her daughter. But there is a subconscious one - and it cannot but be pleasant. And when the daughter still doesn’t get married and stays with her mother until gray hair, then the mother has a little satisfaction that her daughter remained faithful to her mother. You've probably seen families like this on the street - two grandmothers, one 80 years old, the other 60. It's clear that life hasn't worked out for both of them and they live like that. This is, of course, an extreme case. There are also milder versions of this scenario. For example, a girl cannot afford to be happy. She may be married, but she will always try to make her mother happy. And he thinks that when I make my mother happy, then I can afford myself a little. But children are not responsible for the happiness of their parents. And they will never be able to, no matter how much they want it.
• Another scenario is “I gave birth to you for myself”. And the further emancipation goes, the more similar situations there are. When a woman does not want to get married, but she needs to give birth to a child. Give birth for yourself, her friends and parents tell her, she definitely needs to give birth to a child “for herself.” What does “for yourself” mean? This means that the main goal for a child is to be my property and to please me. I gave birth to you for myself, and you will please me, love me, take care of me, and so on. Such a possessive attitude towards the child does not allow the mother to let the child go. adult life and does not allow the child to live his own life. “You don’t have the right to your own opinion”, “You don’t have the right to do what you want, because I mean you must correspond to my desires, I want you to be an architect. I don't want you to be a teacher or a doctor. Even if you want it. I want you to be an architect, so please me, you must please me.”
• The next scenario is " and we will kick out your husband" I'll just give an example. I have a friend from school. She is the only daughter of her parents. The three of them lived their entire lives, and the three of them felt so good. Mom always told her - we gave birth to you for ourselves (a piece of the second scenario), so don’t even think about getting married. Most importantly, give us a child so that we can have a granddaughter, and we will kick out your husband. Just kidding. I listened to this for about 10 years while we were in school. As a result, she got married, gave birth to a child (daughter), and her parents kicked out her husband. At the same time, the husband had a separate living space, but they still lived with her parents. Mom said - if you go there, I won’t help you with the child and I won’t do anything for you. As a result, they survived their husband and live like that - grandparents, daughters and granddaughters. But understand correctly, parents are not such monsters as to do all this consciously and on purpose. These are subconscious programs. And such conversations can be humorous. But every joke is only part of a joke, as you know.
• Another scenario - multiple marriages. For example, in my family, almost all the women on my mother’s side were married an average of 3 times. Children were also born in different marriages. Then I understand where there was a permanent and new father to our child in me.
• The next scenario, " the wife is a general, and the husband is a rag" In a family of strong women, it is very difficult for a girl to change the course of history. Because she is used to being responsible, commanding, and doing everything herself. She was taught that men could not be trusted, that they would definitely let her down. And she saw this from childhood - how next to her was a weak-willed father (or rather, a father beaten down by his mother). And then her husband has only two options. Or be a wuss. Or become a tyrant (more on that later).
• Husbands are alcoholics- it is too possible scenario. When you see that all the men in your family drink. And then it’s understandable why you shake at the sight of a bottle of beer in your husband’s hands. Even if you see it once a year.
• Tyrant husband- this is the scenario when you see that your grandfather beat your grandmother, your father beat your mother and, God forbid, your husband beats you too. And it seemed like there was good man, but in the end - how they replaced it. If you see a pattern, then it is clear that you yourself have found such a person. And besides, you in your own way female script You know how to drive a man to white heat.
• Another option - female clan. There are families in which there are no men at all. Great-grandmother, grandmother, mother, daughter and she has another daughter. AND . Women sometimes draw family trees; none of them have fathers. Nothing is known about them, patronymic names are made up. And so on. The father performs his function of conception and then disappears from the woman’s life. And it is very difficult to get out of this female clan. To do this you need to really want it.
• The next point is abandoned. For example, the grandfather left the grandmother, then the father left the mother, then the husband left the girl. Such a system is to be abandoned. And men are chosen who are capable of this. And the girl, accordingly, already knows how to do everything to make an event happen in her life. She has been preparing for this all her life.
• There is also a scenario like runaway Bride. Girls who have a very high chance of getting married. And they practically, but at the last moment, run away. I immediately remember a poem, though it’s about a boy, but still. Semyon heard the word “married”
  and somewhere there, inside him,
  one of the little Semyons
  I quickly began to collect my things. Why are they running away? Most often there is great fear Serious relationships, or not so much good picture parents' relationships. And sometimes such runaway brides occur in every generation. They might even get married, but at the first difficulties, one of the little Semyons began to quickly pack his things.

• There is also a script single mothers. When mothers raise their children themselves for one reason or another.
• There are scripts strong women, financial difficulties, unloved work, unfulfillment, lack of femininity, many other variations.

And this is far from full list. Just a sketch.
Of course there are good scripts. And there are a lot of them. And it would be ideal for every girl to have something like this scenario:
“Dad loves and respects mom, and mom also loves and respects dad. Children are desired and conceived in love. This is the first love of parents and it never ends.”
Such people do not exist at constellations and trainings. They often already feel good, they are worried about other problems.
But for most of us, the picture is different from ideal. For some it is slight, and for others it is very strong. That's why I want to give you the "antidote." Talk about what can and should be done about this.

1. To begin, draw your family tree. As far as you know. Ask mom, dad, grandparents. If you have anyone to ask. Be interested not only in dates of life and names, but also in destinies. What was special about the destinies of each woman of your kind? Were there old maids among them? Or those who lost their husbands or children? Or those who survived difficult events (blockade, war, repression, and so on)? Were there divorces, remarriages and other patterns?
2. Then look at your tree with the eyes of a stranger. Do you see fates repeating themselves? Patterns? Echoes of your life? For example, in my tree I clearly saw the strategy “ strong woman", fear of abandonment and fear of betrayal.
3. Try to find the point where it started. Usually two or three generations are enough for such an understanding. Find the very woman whose difficult fate continued in her descendants. If you cannot find the starting point, name it, for example, great-grandmother on your mother’s side in some generation.
4. And then you can meet her in meditation and talk. About her life, about her fate.

Don't expect instant results. Working with generic scripts is long, deep and difficult. Especially if you do it yourself. A lot can be done faster in a group, but not everyone is ready for it.

Master the art of small steps. From the fact that you turn on the light in dark room and see your scenarios - at least, you will stop constantly stepping on the same rake. And if you step, you will clearly see what you stepped on.

And with the light on, it’s much easier to put things in order—in your thoughts, feelings, and life situations.

Do you already see what scenarios exist in your life?

Do you know what generic scripts and intertwinings are? Do you know how they affect you? And do you know what you can do about it?

Those who know nothing about this sometimes pass by skeptically, considering it all nonsense. And in vain. Sometimes even believers ignore this topic, considering it somehow occult and wrong. And also in vain.

What are generic scripts?

According to our karma we come to certain kind, to a certain family with certain tasks. The family is “chosen” to help us a lot in this. For example, if a soul needs to learn to forgive, it may be greatly offended. And the closest ones. If a soul needs to learn to respect men in a female body, it can be given a female clan, where men are not kept and are hated.

This is from a karmic point of view. With a regular one, everything is simpler. There is the way your mother or grandmother lives life. And you may not like it. But a certain number of years pass - and suddenly you realize that your life is largely a carbon copy. They chose the same husband. They behaved the same way with him. The children were raised the same way, although they swore to themselves that they would never do it for anything. You even scold them with the same words.

Yes, psychologists have already told everyone that the basic ways of reacting and behavior are ingrained in a child up to the age of 7 at most. What he sees is what he will then reproduce, unless he turns on awareness (and this is good news).

And then it’s simpler - where did our mothers get their way of responding? From their mothers, They from theirs, and so on. Our behavior has been imprinted by so many people with traumas and dramas! And what was normal for them is now disturbing us. For example, if your grandmother, after the war, where she experienced famine, ate everything after everyone else and forced everyone to eat, then this is absolutely of no use to you, and you already have weight problems. But for some reason you still finish your food, after everyone else.

There are a million such programs. There are good ones and there are bad ones. Well, how bad they are - not very useful to us now. And once upon a time they could have saved someone in our family. Some interfere with our lives, others do not. We don’t think about every action or word; we do a lot “automatically”. but we don’t think about who, when and how this “machine” was recorded. And it was recorded by our entire family.

And then the question arises - how to neutralize these scenarios? How not to pass them on to your children? How to remove unnecessary heaviness from life? Work off karma to make life easier? Or to finally get married or have a child? Is it possible to somehow discard them, to free ourselves from their influence?

Heal kind of scenarios?

This is the question I get asked most often. About how to forgive and accept your parents, how to stop repeating their fate, how to break out of family predestination, how not to pass all this on to your children. Ancestral connections can give us strength, or they can take them away. They can be the basis of strong relationships, or they can be constant stress that destroys them. They can be the cause of joy, or they can be the cause of our tears.

When situations come into our lives that make us feel pain, anger, resentment, disappointment, what to do about it? Is it always our feelings and are we always in control of the situation? Can we always change it ourselves and easily?

Since I have become familiar with ancestral laws, I understand that our karma comes to us through ancestral connections. We get there not by chance, and not just like that. For some reason. And the problems of the kind are our own unprocessed places. But in this life a lot can be changed. Including relationships with the family - which is equivalent to alleviating karma as such.

Have you ever gone through forgiveness and letting go trainings - and then realized that nothing has passed - nothing has been forgiven or let go? I remember Marina Targakova spoke about this phenomenon: “I forgave according to Luula Viilma, I forgave according to Louise Hay, I forgave according to Sviyash...” I know this very well; it almost happened to me. You forgive and forgive, but for some reason it still doesn’t forgive.

Does this always mean that we are doing a poor job and putting in little effort? Or are we just digging the garden with a fork?

For me, working with generic programs has become a reliable shovel - with the help of which I can weed out weeds and plant rose bushes much faster and better. With his help, I was finally able to weed a couple of long-overgrown beds.

In what situations can working with gender help (not necessarily 100% improvement):

• Establish relationships with parents - or at least take the first step in this direction
• Build relationships with your partner
• Resolve problems in relationships with children
• Understand why love in life does not happen and does not work out
• Forgive and let go of someone who should have been let go long ago
• Consider your relationship with money
• Find and neutralize energy leakage points
• See places where life becomes a vicious circle and try to break it
• See your life through a different glass
• Realize where we are really going and why

This is not a guarantee of a one hundred percent cure. Not a panacea! Please understand that this is only a tool for working with your inner world, in which there may be various complexities other than generic scenarios. In addition to family ties, we are also influenced by how we behave today, what we do, where we strive. For example, sometimes a girl is prevented from getting married only by her birth plan. And sometimes - her reluctance to change, take care of herself and communicate with those who are ready to take care of her. That is, we need to work in both directions. Change both the “past” - more precisely, the attitude towards it (this is the most important thing), and your behavior today. But it’s more profitable to call all this the crown of celibacy and go to fortune tellers, renting it for money.

Where are the real problems?

And of course, most of the problems are usually not somewhere there, but much closer. I remember the arrangements that I once conducted. How the girls sat down and said that they knew for sure that this problem came from their great-great-grandmother. But when we started working, it turned out that everything rested on my mother. And there is no point in digging further and deeper if everything is not harmonious with the parents (and who is harmonious?). Therefore, you need to start with them. When the topic of parenting comes up in a seminar, it always has powerful implications. A lot of questions, a lot of emotions, tears and worries. That is, for most the topic is somehow painful. And only after working through this layer is it worth going further and deeper. By establishing relationships with your parents in your heart, you can already solve half of your problems!

Judge for yourself.

Difficult relationship with mother for a girl:

• are an obstacle to obtaining feminine power sort of
• affect her ability to love and build relationships
• influence her motherhood and her sense of self in it
• especially affect the relationship with your daughter
• greatly affects her self-esteem
• negatively affect her desire to be a woman
• create problems in the left half of her body (this is where diseases accumulate)
• do not give a complete feeling of happiness (mother is the very first love of any person!)

Difficult relationship with dad

• have a strong influence on her attitude towards men
• affect her ability to find herself in the outside world (compare how the number of children without fathers or their participation and those who cannot find themselves is growing)
• create problems with finances - as a consequence of relationships in the outside world
• complicate relationships with sons
• create problems in the right half of the body (this is where diseases accumulate in this case)

Let us add that any grievances corrode our soul and bring a lot of suffering and problems. The longer you wear it, the stronger the “toxic poisoning”. And we carry grievances against our parents for 20-30-40-... years...

Then healing should begin with them. From parents. Dads and moms. Both. No matter how scary and difficult it may be. And then - if necessary - move on. Become aware of what programs you have, how they affect you - and little by little change your behavior and perception. It's possible.

I constantly invite you to watch the video, where I talk a lot about myself, about what tendencies were and are in my family, and how difficult it was for me to overcome them. And many still live with me - for now. About the fact that I am from a “women’s clan”, where women raise children themselves, where they work themselves and are generally very strong. About the fact that only at almost 30 years old did I visit my father’s grave for the first time and see him as he was during his lifetime. And a lot more. It's real. At the same time, learning to respect men and preserving not just the family, but also the love in it is real.

Here's this video again :) Haven't you seen it? Be sure to check it out!

The main thing is to want and start changing. Small steps. And if you want this, are ready for this, then I invite you to a marathon on healing generic scenarios, where we will take small steps towards healing. We'll go for 60 days! Together! And together it’s easier!

Of course, after 60 days we will not be the most completely mentally healthy. But it will definitely get easier. There will also be more understanding and awareness. Are you with us?

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Take a closer look at your grandmother from your father's side.

As the famous psychologist Eric Berne writes, our generic script is inherited through generations. Moreover, on the branch of the parent of the opposite sex. That is, for a girl it will be the female branch on her father’s side. Most often, this is her father's mother. But maybe his aunt, or, rarely, cousin... But - most clearly - this is your grandmother on your father's side.

IN Soviet time children were often named after the child's father's mother if it was a girl, and after the child's mother's father if it was a boy.

Lena was no exception; she was named in honor of her father’s dearly and, it seemed, unrequitedly beloved mother, Baba Lena. Little Lena never liked her name, as if the child’s unconscious was resisting the imposed script: at five years old she called herself Gavrosh, at 10 - Lyalya, at 13 Alisa, at 15 Anfisa... And during her childhood, she communicated little or little, maybe 3-4 times a year, with her grandmother on her father’s side. That is, in our Lena’s life there was no presence of her grandmother, there was no upbringing, there was no direct transfer of experience... The whole point is that in her parental family, Baba Lena’s behavior was very much condemned. for many years she heard repetitions, intonation and saw her mother’s condemning facial expressions and her father’s silent recognition of the facts: “Baba Lena always lived only for herself! She doesn't care about us! She lives for her own pleasure! She changes men like gloves! She doesn't love anyone! She doesn’t care about her son, or about you, her granddaughter. She's not helping us! and never helped. Her friends are more important to her than her family. Hmm, She loves to travel to boarding houses and sanatoriums! Her favorite Rublevskoye Highway, where the servants of the people live... Of course, she hates our family, this is where life is, and she should still rest... Yes, change men... How many has she already changed? ....irresponsible, wayward, selfish..." But at the same time: beautiful, blonde, at the age of 60 she stood on the bridge, her figure is amazing, she constantly takes care of herself: either manicures, then cleansing the body, tubing, face masks, aesthetic surgery... this in Soviet times! - “- that is, little Lena hears both condemnation and envy... And of course, despite the fact that she almost did not communicate with her grandmother, her image is ATTRACTIVE!... and vicious, we condemn...

Now Lena is 36 years old, she has never been married, she is dyed blonde, beautiful, curvy, does yoga, stretches amazingly, and changes men like gloves... weekly manicures, massages, tubing twice a year, weight loss clinics, spa - pampering and nurturing yourself. There are a lot of friends, holidays abroad 4 times a year, then spa, then skiing, then shopping. I set myself the goal of living on Rublyovka... I wonder why this would happen? Fashion recent years inspired, or an attractive, mysterious and forbidden-inaccessible name from childhood?

But!: she does not have the value of FAMILY. She doesn't want children. She is satisfied with her lifestyle... Which she does not consider possible to sacrifice... even for the sake of starting a family and for the sake of future children...

Her parents have been wondering since the early 90s: who is their Lena like? Because the family led a modest engineering lifestyle, quite homebody and secluded, the parents worked all their lives, barely saving up for a single vacation, knew the balance of money, were responsible, planned everything in advance... Needless to say, Lena inherited the script of her grandmother from the outside father...

And it doesn’t matter whether she took part in your upbringing or not. Whether she was alive by the time you were born or not... The script transfer goes either way....

And only by “recreating” it, working through it, can you get rid of it…. ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR DESTINY.

I have one client, in order to interrupt the inheritance of a scenario that did not suit her at all (there was a suicide), she even changed her name, from Gali to Alya...

What was your mom and dad's relationship like?

What did you see in your root family?

A family passes on from generation to generation its way of interacting with the outside world and its idea of ​​life.

The child observes how adults interact in life and internalizes (adopts, makes it their own) not only parental behavior, but also their attitudes towards themselves and the world around them.

It is clear that the conclusions a child reaches about himself and the world around him are based on very limited experience of observing specific parental reactions to certain problems. A child perceives gender relations through certain prisms, or glasses, that have been put on him since childhood and which create the essence of parental programming. These prisms or glasses convey to the child a special view of the world, gender relations and everything that follows.

If you have never known a life based on concepts alien to suffering, alienation, if dad and mom constantly quarreled, if they shouted at each other, constantly made claims; if you have not experienced the intimacy that should arise in a husband-wife relationship, if you have not seen support and mutual respect, if you have seen lies, deception, and maybe even worse, drunkenness, violence…. - it will not be easy for you to generally find the correct pattern in gender relations; you will probably have to go through a lot of disappointments both in yourself and in other people.

If your communication skills were originally adapted to tense relationships, to the war of the sexes, enjoy society loved one, it will be difficult to feel comfortable and relaxed.

How to overcome: As an adult, RECOGNIZE that what you saw in your family of origin is only a limited cross-section of the entire palette of human relationships. UNDERSTAND that the conclusions that you made as a child, and which still influenced your destiny, were made on the basis of observing not all relationship options, but only those that were before your eyes. CONFIRM that you have grown up, that you are now an adult, and can already judge a much larger volume of options, FREEDOM from the captivity of the parental script, and TRY in a new way perceive yourself and the world around you.

Is it true that our destinies are predetermined by karma and we cannot go beyond our ancestral programs? What to do if you feel the “weight of the past” and realize that you are living within a script that was not written by you? Today we are discussing the topic of parental attitudes and programs.

Usually people think deeply about life when they are faced with some serious problem or shock. Then we intensively look for answers to the questions “Why did this happen?”, analyze our behavior and try to change something in the course of our lives. I admit that such a test for me was long-term loneliness - I was studying, building a career, exploring the world, but I lacked a reliable shoulder next to me. And it was then that I began to seriously think about why this was happening. In this search, I seriously revised my own and got to parent programs. Parental programs are not so easy to see, especially when you implement them yourself. You need to look at yourself as if from the outside - as an outsider, see repeated phrases, actions, and then connect all this with the actions of your relatives of previous generations. And then it may turn out that the problem of loneliness is not your personal one, but extends throughout your family for more than one generation. Well, and, of course, the following questions - why is this happening? what leads to this? and how to interrupt this pattern? However, I wrote in detail about female loneliness in previous articles ( and ) - now we’ll talk in more detail about how to discover valid parental programs in yourself.

Parent programs

Parental programs are, in fact, not always bad. Conventionally, parental programs can be divided into positive and negative.

In families with negative programs – many problems that are passed on from generation to generation. These problems are sometimes called "karma", " evil fate", "bad fate" - I call them negative programs that actively operate within the framework of one kind or another, live and are fueled by negative energy. What is the difference between the names if they mean the same phenomenon? But the difference is that when a person says “this is fate”, “this is my cross”, “this is my karma” and so on in this spirit, he seems to resign himself to this state of affairs in advance, obviously gives up and doesn’t even try change something, reconsider your behavior or discover the roots of your problems. This attitude towards “your bad fate” only strengthens the effect of negative and destructive programs, makes a weak-willed puppet out of a person, adds new ones to existing problems and spins them into a whirlwind of negative events. In such families, loneliness, celibacy, lack of money, failure, meanness, cunning, deception, fears and resentments live for generations. Members of such families, instead of supporting, criticize, blame, suppress, humiliate, intentionally or not causing each other suffering. Even seemingly good intentions are carried out using harsh methods and have destructive consequences (for example, to protect children from “mistakes”). Women in such families often find themselves childless and the clan simply degenerates - this is a consequence and result of negative parental programs: when there is too much evil in the clan, it simply self-destructs.

Positive parenting programs – these are creative programs aimed at the prosperity of the family: prosperity, well-being, development, expansion of the family, wealth. Such families are cheerful, optimistic, and cheerful. There is a pleasant atmosphere in their homes, they are hospitable and responsive to other people. People in such families are focused on development, learning, and career growth. Everything seems to work out for them by itself - they are positively disposed and do not get hung up on problems and obstacles. And if such people meet on their way, then positively minded people focus on solving problems, rather than turning them into an insurmountable obstacle and a reason for inaction. Failures are perceived as life lessons, food for thought, from which important conclusions can be drawn for further movement. In such families, people support each other, help each other reveal their potential and move towards goals - without pressure and unnecessary edification.

So why do we repeat the fates of our mothers?

This question has worried more than one generation - it really is: why do daughters so often repeat the fates of their mothers and live such similar lives without husbands, or with husbands who are alcoholics/cheaters/tyrants? One could say that it’s all about men: there are no more “normal” ones! But no - there are other examples: when women live prosperous and happy lives and like their mothers, they choose worthy men as husbands. So, probably, after all, the point is not in men, but in who a woman attracts into her life and how she reacts to actions and behavior?! The fact that one woman is ready to forgive and endure all her life, another will immediately dismiss as unworthy, unnecessary, and not suitable for her. And again, it’s a matter of attitudes: what a man can be; and what not, what he should do and what he should not do; what is permissible and what is “already completely beyond the bounds.”

We follow the trodden paths of our mothers and repeat their path, stepping on the same “rake” for generations - until one of the women of the same family thinks of changing their behavior and inventing new option interactions with men.

We repeat the fates of our mothers because we simply do not know how to behave differently.

We were not taught to behave differently, and if they were told, we did not listen, but only observed living examples before our eyes. It is not enough to know theoretically that “you need to choose good husband“,” “you need to live happily ever after,” “you need to have a head on your shoulders,” etc. – these are all general phrases and empty advice that are devoid of specific content and practical use. After all, everyone knows that, for example, “you need to behave correctly with men” - but when “it comes down to it,” we do not know how this is done, what “correctly” means in each specific case and how to behave. But a person can repeat actions seen before, copy someone’s behavior in a similar situation - and this is where parental programs work on autopilot. These are a kind of stereotypical behavior algorithms that help a person exist without the active use of the brain - and many of them are very useful. After all, those elementary programs that we adopted from our parents in childhood help us to be independent individuals, establish social connections, maintain relationships, behave in a certain way with different people- in a word, to live in society. If the parents had a “program failure” somewhere and they lost these skills, then the child, accordingly, will not be able to adopt those programs that are not in the parent’s basic set. He will have to develop and improve them on his own, but first, he needs to realize the lack of certain skills, and not shift responsibility for his failures to other people and “insurmountable circumstances.”

I have a wonderful friend - smart, beautiful, wealthy, independent, but completely unhappy in her personal life. The years go by, and she is still alone. But if we look at her mother, we will see the same story: she was never able to build a relationship with anyone, over and over again letting unworthy candidates approach her, closer to 40 she gave birth to a daughter for herself - and so they lived together. And in vain the mother hoped that her daughter would be happier than she was - it is impossible to convey the positive experience of creating a family if it does not exist. There are many such examples - the daughter of a divorced woman divorces her husband, the daughter of a victim certainly sacrifices herself and endures all the antics of her unfortunate husband, and the daughter of a “strong woman” gets married and begins to “pull down” the whole family... Moreover, many women completely they deny the similarity of their fate with their mother’s, exclaiming “It will never happen to me!” They pass on this scenario as an inheritance to their daughters. This is the paradox - we seem to be free people, we do not live in closed castes, but we often continue to act within the same framework family scenarios, repeating the same mistakes, doing strikingly identical things across generations.

So does this mean that our destinies are predetermined and we cannot go beyond generic scenarios? What to do if you realize that you are living within a script that was not written by you? Is it possible to overcome dependence on these generic scripts?

How to detect parent programs?

Sometimes it is difficult to detect negative programs in a family - but this is possible if you carefully study your family, especially its dark pages and forgotten stories. Women should pay attention Special attention exactly on women's destinies kind of - both on the mother's and father's sides. Women tend to repeat women's destinies - very often family scenarios can be traced in families: if a woman raised children herself or endured a despot husband all her life, her daughter will repeat the same fate; If there have been divorces in the family, they are more likely to happen again in future generations than in families where the parents have lived together all their lives. And this is far from mystical - it’s all about the manner of behaving in a certain way, building relationships with others in accordance with the attitudes learned in childhood: what you “can” do and what you “cannot” do; what to do right and what to do wrong; how to behave “beautifully” and how is unacceptable. These ideas, of course, are determined not only by parental programs - a person adopts many norms of behavior himself, borrows from those around him (friends, acquaintances) or copies the most common views in society. Parent programs determine a basic level of a person, his foundation and starting positions - that’s why some people need to study all their lives in order to reach the level that others certainly received literally “with their mother’s milk.” In any case, each person has his own challenges and tasks to work through, and searching for parental programs is one way to see them directly.

In order to detect parental programs, you need to carefully study your own species, analyze repeating scenarios and see patterns in seemingly different destinies.

Here are examples of questions that will help you see what is hidden in the depths of family history:

Attitudes about models of female behavior and fate:

- What kind of family do I consider myself to be? Who do I feel more related to – my father’s family or my mother’s? what were the women like in this family?

— were the women in my family happy? (write down the names of those who were happy and those who were not) how was it determined and how did it manifest itself?

— are there any women of my kind in the destinies? similar stories, repeating scenarios?

- is there in my family family stories, legends that have big influence on the ideas of clan members about themselves?

— is there any stable self-determination in our family? (for example, we are optimists, we are businessmen, we are athletes)? What connotation do these stable self-definitions have - positive or negative? (for example, negative self-definitions: “we are unlucky, we are always unlucky, we never succeed, there have never been happy/rich/healthy people in our family”; positive self-definitions: “there have always been people in our family beautiful women“,” “in our family we always knew how to make money,” “in our family there is someone who will be born strong and healthy,” “in our family there have always been educated and smart people" etc.)

Attitudes about success:

- is there in my family successful people? How can my family be an example?

-were there educated people in my family who achieved success in their careers and gained a position in society? what was the secret of their success? how did they behave? what rules were followed?

Attitudes about relationships with men:

— how did women of my kind behave with men? what model of female behavior predominated? How successful was it?

— what were the relationships between spouses in my family like?

- What were the husbands and wives like in my family? Which of them can be a role model?

— did women in my family have the same thing? woman's happiness"? if yes, what was its guarantee, foundation (behavior, attitudes, values)? if not, what prevented this?

Well, and finally, the most important question: Which of the family attitudes continue to live in me? What actions of mine lead to repetition of family scenarios?

Make a family tree to visually see the branches of your family and the stories of individual people. Recover missing knowledge by asking questions and searching for missing family members in the family tree. Not only the old-timers of your family will come to your aid, but also archives, registry offices, and local history museums.

How to rewrite parent programs

Firstly, there is no need to be offended by your family and blame your loved ones for “ruining your life” and inheriting your luggage negative attitudes(if you have discovered them). The first step to getting rid of parental programs is to take full responsibility for your life. No one can change your life except you: neither friends, nor relatives, nor mom, nor dad. Your problems are just your problems. And only you can solve them. It is at the moment when you free yourself from the desire to blame someone for your problems that you have a chance to overcome them. There is no other way.

I repeat, parents cannot pass on to us the experience that they do not have, which, in turn, their parents did not pass on to them. But if you stop blaming your parents and grandparents, and imbue them with sympathy and compassion, then you will see that these people themselves were deprived of what they did not give you. If a person is cruel to his child, it means he himself experienced cruelty in childhood; if he is cold and does not show love to his child, this is because he himself did not receive it and was not taught to truly love; if a person criticizes, humiliates, asserts himself at the expense of others, it means that this is exactly how he was treated in childhood and now only in this way can he feel his worth, putting himself in the place of the strong... There are reasons for everything - and even why a person is born in a certain family. If we are given this or that experience in life, then we need it. This means that the soul in this incarnation has chosen exactly those people and those relationships in which it can “gain” the missing experience.

The only option for liberation from grievances is forgiveness and reconciliation.

By the way, in a great way getting rid of grievances (including grievances against parents) are therapeutic letters. Therapeutic writing is when you take a piece of paper and write down everything you would like to say. to a certain person: questions, grievances, claims. Write until you run out of words. Write - even if it hurts and unpleasantly: this is a wonderful way to free yourself from what has been tormenting you for years. Of course, there is no need to send such letters to anyone. But you can burn them along with your grievances. Write to a certain person as many letters as necessary - until relief, reconciliation and acceptance. You yourself will feel when you can stop. The good thing about such letters is that they are very environmentally friendly towards others - you can write everything that you won’t tell your loved ones.

You can write such letters to anyone - mom, dad, women of your kind, teachers, colleagues, teachers, exes - anyone who has ever made you experience strong feelings.

In the process of writing, you can understand the roots of a particular problem, look at it from a different perspective and, ideally, experience gratitude for the experience gained. And real relationships with loved ones will miraculously improve.

Secondly, in order to rewrite parental programs, you need to clearly see them and deeply understand their unfavorable effect on yourself. After all, even if a person knows and sees that he is repeating negative scenarios, but does not intend to rewrite them, he will live for years within their framework and pass these attitudes on to his children. Only the realization that "I deserve better life and I can live differently,” only real determination to act to break the negative script and try to create a new one can motivate a person to start living differently.

And finally, thirdly. In order to go beyond the prescribed generic programs, you need to be as conscious as possible, observant of yourself, patient and persistent on your chosen path. After all, “knowing” is one thing – “doing” is a completely different matter. I will tell you right away that it is very difficult to change your behavior, attitude towards people (and yourself!) just out of a speculative desire and theoretical knowledge. If only because we have a set of habits and standard reactions to this or that situation - we have inherited from our parents even the habit of supposedly revealing cause-and-effect relationships and we believe that we know the explanations for certain phenomena - although in fact behind them there may be an elementary attitude (such as the attitude “Who is hard and works - he lives well,” which, in fact, is not always true). Ideally, in order to rewrite negative attitudes, you need to have another example before your eyes: families with positive programs (but even here you need to be extremely careful and observant - after all, extremely unattractive content can often be hidden behind an outwardly attractive picture)

Practices for working with parental attitudes

Practice 1. Take a piece of paper and a pen. In one column write “My problems in life”, in the second “The roots of these problems in the family”, in the third - “Parental attitudes”. In the first column, write down everything that worries you - this could be the inability to earn money, build relationships, maintain relationships, problems with children, with work, with housing, with health, and so on. In the second column, write down all the problems related to yours that were present in your family. And in the third column, try to remember all the attitudes and statements regarding your problem - even the most ridiculous and ridiculous ones. To make the task easier, describe problems and attitudes by area - relationships, money, friends, work, rest/leisure, attitude towards yourself, life values and priorities, interests/hobbies, etc. You may be surprised at what attitudes live in your mind, and when you discover them, you will have the opportunity to refute and overcome them.

For example:

My problems in life	The roots of these problems are in the family	Parental Settings
I don't know how to make money	Poverty in the family, lack of money in two generations. Lack of skills to earn money, handle it and manage it correctly.	“Wanting to earn money is dishonest and humiliating” “Money is not the most important thing in life”, “You should always save”, “Wealth spoils a person”, “You can’t get rich honestly”, “He who wants to earn money is a selfish person ”, “Businessmen are traders and merchants who only think about money”, “Money and wealth can cause envy, the evil eye and damage”, etc.

By the way, not all problems in life can have roots in the family and be caused by parental attitudes. Negative attitudes can be learned not only from the family, but also imposed by television, public opinion or an individual. In any case, write them down - what is important is not so much the source of origin of negative attitudes, but their presence and, accordingly, their rewriting and, if possible, elimination.

These stable phrases and statements that you managed to extract from your subconscious, if you took the previous practice seriously, can and should be rewritten. How to do it? First, you need to convince your brain of the opposite - even if offhand it seems obvious to you that this or that installation is not viable. In order for the brain to perceive new installation, you need to refute the old one - and this needs to be done in a way that is understandable to reason: with the help of logical arguments and counterarguments.

For example:

Installation/Program	Its logical refutation	How to rewrite in practice (anti-installation)
Poverty mindset	It is normal for a person to value his time, his efforts and the work done in monetary terms. To take money for your work as good as give money and receive services in return goods. The higher quality/unique product/service you provide, the higher your value on the market. That is, you need to determine your strengths, improve as a professional, provide quality services, create interesting/in-demand products - and do not forget about your personal interests.	Making money is good, normal, necessary, after all. It’s normal to charge for your services and evaluate the effort expended (it’s not normal not to work” and not earn money). Wealth is good, wonderful, wonderful. Being wealthy is the foundation of a decent life.

Rewriting negative attitudes is not a matter of one day. This is conscious Full time job, at the beginning of which you can already consider it success if you begin to notice when you act and speak according to parental programs. In particularly acute situations, ask yourself the question: why am I experiencing this or that emotion? who said that I should react one way or another to this situation? Is it possible to look at this situation from the other side and react to it differently? Do you need to spend energy and thoughts on this or that situation? Why does this bother me? Why do I behave this way or that way? why do I need this?

Be attentive to yourself and your thoughts, analyze your words and actions, trust your inner voice and listen to your soul - and you will definitely be able to rid your consciousness of the weeds and come to a harmonious and conscious existence!

With wishes for inner beauty,