Swedish family. Very Swedish family
Olga, 27, told the site how she lived in an apartment with two men, each of whom was her lover.
When I was 22, I got a new boyfriend. Let's call him T. He came to our city from another country to enter medical school, but did not pass the competition due to his poor knowledge of Russian and stayed for a year in preparatory courses.
From the moment they met, T. behaved very modestly and was noticeably shy. He even blushed when he accidentally touched me. It all looked very funny. I think he himself didn’t really understand how beautiful he was: Blue eyes, long black eyelashes, slightly dark skin. I told him he looked more like an actor than a medical student, but he probably thought I was joking. Our dates were the most chaste. In my opinion, he kissed me only at the third meeting, and then on my initiative. I definitely wanted more. About a month into our platonic relationship, I couldn’t stand it and asked to go to his house.
It was winter, I was freezing and directly offered to go to him. He refused, saying that he did not live alone, but I insisted, and we took a taxi. He rented a beautiful three-room apartment in a new building. I filmed not alone, but with a friend from his hometown- A. The friend was over 30, and he had been living in Russia for several years. T. introduced us to each other, and I immediately really liked O. He was very open and sociable, unlike the shy T. There was football on TV, they were showing some match that they both wanted to watch, and I had to keep them company.
We drank beer and chatted about something. At some point, I felt O.’s palm on my thigh. He seemed to accidentally touch me, but did not withdraw his hand, but began to lightly stroke me. If we were alone at that moment, I would have gladly kissed him, but I came with T. and decided to kiss him. He was taken aback, but responded to my caresses. I kissed him again and again, and O. continued to stroke me without T noticing. At this point the “party” ended. To my disappointment, T. did not invite me to stay with them, but called a taxi home. I don’t know what exactly I expected, but obviously not such a conclusion.
The next time I was back at their house, T. and I finally broke our “vow of chastity” and had sex. It wasn't that bad, but it definitely wasn't great. While T. admitted that I was almost his first, I imagined in my fantasies how I would go out into the kitchen in only a T-shirt and meet O there. I didn’t. Although he knew that I stayed with them.
I spent the night in this apartment more and more often, and it began to seem to me that I had invented the story with football and secret caresses, because O. simply greeted me and, at most, asked if we needed to buy anything for dinner.
One weekend they had a party at their house. I drank too much and, when I ran into O. again, I dragged him into the bathroom. He closed the door and kissed me. We kissed for quite a long time, and I still remember how great it was. I wanted him so much that I agreed to his offer to come to them when T. was at school. In general, that’s how O. and I slept together and started dating behind T.’s back.
O. was super in everything, but you couldn’t expect romance from him. None tender words, confessions, compliments. Just sex, although very cool. T., on the contrary, bombarded me with messages with poems in English, constantly telling me how beautiful I am, how much he loves me. I think he had no idea about anything until one day he found O. and me kissing in the kitchen. He cried, asked me to confess whether his friend and I had something or not, and I told him almost everything. She announced that I liked O. and I couldn’t choose one of them.
I expected him to get angry and send me to hell, but T. asked me not to leave him, said that he loved me and wanted to be with me. I jokingly said: let’s try to live together, so that it would be easier for me to decide. And he agreed! So I settled in their living room.
This whole situation has me in in a good way worried. I felt femme fatale, I wanted to try something new, and I was ready to experiment. Now I think that O. was not happy with my move, but then this thought did not occur to me.
We didn't have any rules or meeting schedules. Everything happened naturally and without conflict. Sex with T. even got better, perhaps because he continued to be jealous of me. But O. wasn’t jealous at all, he kept acting a little distant, which attracted me more and more.
We did not have any domestic problems. They bought food, I cooked, and the cleaning lady kept it clean. It used to be funny to hang our clothes after washing, as if I had two husbands.
We lived together for almost six months, even T. managed to get used to our trio, although he continued to be nervous. I think he was a little prone to mental masochism, which is why he didn’t leave me. I partly understand him, because I myself suffered when O. brought other girls home. This happened infrequently, but it hurt my self-esteem.
In general, T. and I suffered in our trio, but O. simply enjoyed life. I didn’t give him a showdown, I just made fun of his tastes when it came to female beauty.
It all ended when I realized that he was serious with one of them. How serious could this even be in the case of O. The girl began to stay overnight with us several times a week and even tried to make friends with me, being sure that I was only dating T. I tolerated this, but one day O. refused me sex , said he was not in the mood. And this was the end of our already not very cheerful romance. The situation began to seem like a farce to me: T. is running after me, I am running after O., and O. is not running after anyone. He does not care. I left them without explanation, I simply said that I was no longer interested in continuing. O. calmly said goodbye to me, T. offered to rent an apartment and live together. I did not agree, and we broke up, although he tried for a long time to win me back.
Having gained power, the Soviets began to reshape the life of Soviet people. The changes affected all aspects of a person’s life, including personal life. Evgeny Zamyatin in the dystopia “We” described intimate relationships as the only side of a person’s life that was hidden. In the 20s of the USSR, on the contrary, this was the most discussed and open issue.
"Revolt of Sensuality"
It is generally accepted that the sexual revolution took place in the 60s of the last century, and this is associated with the hippie movement and the main slogan (sex, drugs and rock-n-roll). In fact, the real revolution of intersexual relations took place in the 20s, at the state level. Lenin recognized that “rebellion of sensuality” is a necessary component for the image of a new, Soviet man. Issues of an intimate nature were brought up for discussion by the RSDLP party even before 1917. At the third congress, Lenin instructed Trotsky to study and develop a theory of the relationship between men and women. Moreover, back in 1904, Lenin wrote that “the emancipation of the spirit of sensuality... will help to throw out a bundle of energy for the victory of socialism.” The Soviet leader did not intend to suppress human needs for affection, but to build a healthy socialist society on their basis.
The Austrian psychologist Wilhelm Reich in his work cited an excerpt from the correspondence between Trotsky and Lenin on this issue in 1911. Trotsky, as an ideologist of new intimate relationships, writes: “love oppression is the main means of enslaving a person. As long as people are oppressed, there can be no talk of freedom. The family, as an institution, has outlived its usefulness” Lenin echoes “... not only the family. All prohibitions about intimate matters must be lifted. It is worth applying the experience of the suffragettes, and allowing same-sex love as well.”
Decree on personal life
Bolshevik decrees on intimate topics offered greater freedom than one might imagine. In the group of decrees “on civil marriage, on children and on entering into acts of civil status,” “on the abolition of marriage,” there was a decree “on the abolition of punishment for relationships between men and men.” These decrees gave women the opportunity for “material and intimate self-determination.” According to the decrees, an intimate (marriage) union was easily concluded and easily dissolved.
The Institute of Social Hygiene appeared, headed by Grigory Batkis. In 1919, Batkis reported that “marriage, love relationship became a personal matter. The number of intimate perversions has decreased due to the emancipation of morals.” It was at this time that a theory emerged about easy receipt what you want, “like a glass of water.”
The situation with emancipation was surprising for many. H.G. Wells noted that the USSR treated intimate issues “too simply.”
A country with a solved gender issue
In December 1918, a demonstration took place in Petrograd in honor of the decree “On the Abolition of Marriage.” In honor of this, lesbians marched through the central streets of the city with posters “Down with Shame.” Lenin was in a positive mood: keep it up, comrades! In the same year, 1918, another parade was held with posters “Down with shame!”, when both men and women walked through the streets of the city without clothes and underwear. In Moscow in 1924-1925 there was a movement of radical nudists “Down with shame!” The main idea of the participants in the movement was equality based on nudity, because as long as there are clothes, there will be an unspoken division of people according to their level of wealth and capabilities. Participants in the movement walked around Moscow naked, wearing only a “Down with Shame!” ribbon. Following the freedom of intimate relationships, the permission of abortion, and communes, this was the next step in intimate personal freedom.
In December 1925, at the 14th Congress of the All-Union Communist Party of Bolsheviks, Bukharin criticized the nudist movement. After this, the police began to stop Muscovites from being naked.
Sex education
Relationships have changed not only between men and women. Now marriage has also become a personal matter for everyone. They married and divorced freely. If the marriage broke up, alimony was paid only for six months.
Alexandra Kollontai worked a lot on the “Code of Marriage”. She wrote that it is necessary to pay attention to the intimate education of schoolchildren; it should start at the age of 12-13, at the beginning of puberty. If this is not done, what early pregnancy, disappointment in intimate relationships is guaranteed.
The Bolsheviks listened to Kollontai and launched a large-scale campaign to eradicate ignorance about sexuality among schoolchildren. But if in big cities discussions on intimate topics were met more or less freely, then in the Russian outback it was difficult to fight the inertia of thinking. In addition, there were few teachers of intimate relationships. Therefore, from 1919 to 1925, about 300 specialists from European countries were brought to the USSR. The teachers were delighted: so much work, what space! So much freedom! By the way, the USSR was one of the first countries to officially recognize the works of Sigmund Freud. Many seminars were held on intimate topics, people freely discussed the questions “how natural is a child’s intimacy?”
It was expected high growth birth of children out of wedlock. In 1923, more than half of children were born out of wedlock, as they were born in the context of a “common law marriage.”
The topic of abortion was also discussed freely, because it freed the woman. The production of condoms increased, new contraceptives and pills for female fertilization were created to increase intimate power in men.
Of course, distortions in intimate upbringing sometimes occurred. For example, in Vologda there was the following provision: “every Komsomol member, workers' faculty member or other student who received an offer from a Komsomol member or workers' faculty member to engage in sexual relations must fulfill it. Otherwise, she does not deserve the title of proletarian student.”
Swedish (Soviet) family
In our understanding Swedish family is a group of people, both male and female, who large quantities lives in the same territory. It turns out that this is a Soviet “invention”.
It was believed that marriage is a relic of the past, and the Komsomol family is an image of the family of the future. 10 or 12 people, both men and women, lived voluntarily in such a Soviet “Swedish family.” They managed the house together, ate, washed, cooked, cleaned and indulged in intimate pleasures. Unlike the Swedish family, in Soviet communes children are an undesirable element, because education took time, and soviet people built communism. If an “incident” happened, then the child was sent to a boarding school for education. Gradually the idea of a sexual commune spread throughout the union.
The settlement of Bolshevo was considered an example of a commune. It was created by order of Dzerzhinsky in 1924. About a thousand criminals aged 12 to 18 lived in the settlement; the ratio of girls to boys was uneven. Girls and boys lived in common barracks, and “shared sexual experiences” were encouraged. The commune in Bolshevo still remains the largest example of a “Swedish” family in history.
Completion of the revolution
With Stalin coming to power, everything changed, including the attitude towards intimate issues. Industrialization required complete concentration, without wasting energy on love affairs and raising children. Therefore, “sensuality” began to be condemned at the level of authorities, the family again became the basis of society, and monogamous feelings were no longer rejected.
Since the state again took charge of the personal life of the Soviet person, new decrees began to pour in to replace the old ones. First, the decree “on the abolition of marriage” was repealed, then abortion was banned at the legislative level in 1934. Later, Kalinin signed a decree banning intimate relationships between men. And, of course, there were arrests of minorities in the USSR.
Intimate education programs were discontinued for long years the censure of free morals “returned to the stage.”
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Scandinavian countries are in many ways a model of gender equality for residents of other countries. Even by the standards of tolerant Europe, citizens of Sweden, Norway, Denmark and Finland have too many opportunities, sometimes taking on male responsibilities, even in relationships with their lovers. At the same time, many of them allow their husbands to cheat or even cohabit with other women. What is so special about Scandinavian women?
During the Viking Age
In medieval Scandinavia, 12 years of age was considered optimal for a girl to marry. The groom's family usually paid considerable money for the bride, a kind of ransom. Having advantageously married his daughter to a representative of another village, the Viking thus enlisted the support of his neighbors in defending against the enemy.
Sometimes the girl was given to a family with whom they were at enmity, as a hostage. The calculation was simple: one of the Vikings from another clan would begin to cohabit with her, and after the birth of a child in such a union former enemies become relatives - and the military confrontation will end.
However, a Scandinavian woman could file for divorce if:
- the spouse dresses poorly and looks sloppy;
- does not satisfy her in bed;
- is homosexual.
At the same time, he could well have cheated on her with other women. This was not a reason for divorce and division of property.
Mistress and wife in the same house
The Viking had the right not only to have mistresses, but could bring concubines directly into the family, and they lived in the same house with his wife.
Some warriors brought girls from predatory raids on neighboring lands, others bought slaves at slave markets, and still others entered into relationships with women from the lower social strata of society. Often one Viking, in addition to his official wife, had two or three concubines.
The wives did not object, because mistresses had no legal rights and did not threaten their status.
Swedish family
Of course, the term “Swedish family” is a stereotype that does not reflect the real Scandinavian view of marriage. However, there is no smoke without fire. Like their distant ancestors, women from Sweden, Norway, Denmark and Finland are calm about the infidelity of their spouses. Therefore, there are many cases when one man cohabits with two ladies at once, and they are not considered something out of the ordinary.
Sometimes two married couples enter into such relationships. Less often, two men share one woman. Scandinavians are far from conservative in the field of intimate relationships; a sexual revolution took place here back in the mid-twentieth century. Local hippies lived in communes where love was free not in words, but in deeds.
Some Scandinavian women continue to have intimate relationships with ex-husbands, divorce is not a hindrance for them. Moreover, such entertainments also involve current spouses ex-marriage partners. It turns out to be such family orgies.
Girls are shown male genitals
In the Scandinavian countries an important part educational process is sex education for children. European Bureau World Organization Health has developed a training program called “Standards for Sexuality Education.” Sweden, Norway, Denmark and Finland are fully guided by this document.
Sex education for Scandinavian children begins as early as four (!) years of age. Adults are obliged to tell such little ones about the pleasure of physical intimacy and self-satisfaction. And five-year-old children learn that families are different and love is possible between representatives of the same sex. Between the ages of 6 and 9, children learn how to behave when confronted with a pedophile and what acceptable consensual sex is. Ten-year-olds are given recommendations on how to masturbate and have an orgasm. And only at twelve very young Scandinavians learn from school curriculum that relationships between men and women are not only sex, but also romance.
Girls are taught in elementary school what prostitution, pornography and sexual addiction are. They are shown films where the male reproductive organ is shown, including in an excited state. The schoolgirls then examine the sperm provided by the donors under a microscope and also learn how to use contraception. Invited bisexuals and transvestites come to lessons and share their life experiences with the children.
Similar educational programs are shown on TV so that parents can watch them with their kids and answer their questions.
Sex on the first date
For Scandinavian girls, sex on the first date is almost mandatory. Romantic stories here they start the same way: I went to a bar, behaved frankly, picked up a boyfriend for one night. The morning after a storm of drinking and sex, young people usually get acquainted. If they like each other, they start going on dates and get to know each other better. But no, no. It's an everyday matter.
Moreover, the initiative in relationships often belongs to the woman. It is she who should call him and write SMS after the first date if she wants to continue pleasant communication.
Many young Scandinavians do not marry, but simply cohabit. For example, in Sweden it is called samboskap. They are registered only after the birth of children. And in maternity leave Fathers often leave to care for children.
They wash in the baths with men
IN Finnish saunas men and women steam together. How in public baths, where they go, as a rule, with families, and at home. This is a tradition. Shy people may wrap themselves in a towel, but most Finns and Swedes are not ashamed of nudity, and it is customary for them not to pay any attention to members of the opposite sex who come to wash themselves. Some public baths have certain days when men and women steam separately.
They live in the same barracks
Since 2015, Norway has introduced compulsory conscription for military service for women. The reason for this decision was the recognition of gender equality of citizens of this country. In 2017, Sweden followed the example of its neighbors.
The girls don’t mind, because there are fewer places in the armies of the Scandinavian countries than there are people willing to serve. The military leadership selects conscripts and conscripts on a competitive basis. For example, in Norway every year, out of approximately 60 thousand young men and women who want to take the oath, only 8-10 thousand recruits put on an army uniform.
Residents of Scandinavian countries could previously become military personnel if they wished. Thus, Finnish women gained the right to serve in the army in 1995. Moreover, blonde beauties not only live in the same barracks with their male colleagues, but also wash with them, of course.
Swedish family - this expression has long been popular, and the first association associated with this phrase is that several people in a relationship live under one roof. But what exactly is a social unit in this country, and is a Swedish marriage so unusual?
Family in Sweden
There is an opinion that the Swedes in the field family relations managed to create “socialism with human face“, while others, on the contrary, believe that it is in this country that the institution of family is experiencing complete degradation. But in any case, the Swedish family deserves special attention and is of interest.
The first thing worth noting is that it is very free attitude to a marriage union.
Majority modern families lives without a stamp in his passport, preferring a civil marriage to an official one. Today in Sweden there are 2 types of such relationships:
- "Samba"- a union of a man and a woman living together. In this case, the couple registers their relationship in tax office and only after that they begin to conduct a joint household.
- "Serbu"- guest marriage. A man and a woman do not live under the same roof, but spend some time together.
Both options are essentially a form of family relationship, but property remains separate. Also, in both cases, couples can have children.
Families in Sweden are created at a fairly late age - after 30 years. In addition, the country is very large percentage divorces as a result of infidelity. And due to the fact that marriages are not formalized, separation does not take much time - husband and wife simply go to different apartments.
How to register a Swedish marriage
Despite the fact that official marriages are not held in high esteem in Sweden, some couples still decide to formalize their relationship legally.
First, the groom goes to lokala skattemyndighten in order to obtain a marriage license.
After this, the couple is invited for an interview. If the bride or groom are foreigners, they will definitely need an interpreter.
At this meeting, both parties must sign a document stating that they are of legal age, of sound mind, and unmarried. Only after this they are given 2 permits to create a family. One is for official registration, the other is for a wedding in a church.
Marriages of three or four - the so-called Swedish families, although they exist, are not supported by law. Simply put, only two people can be in an official or civil marriage, and the third (fourth, and so on) can cohabit with them without official registration.
Swedish wedding
Most official marriages in Sweden take place in churches, and weddings follow the American model.
First of all, the newlyweds go to the temple, the priest reads the oath of fidelity and, after mutual agreement, the newlyweds exchange rings. After this, they go to a small room, where a representative state power officially registers their marriage.
Guests are waiting for the newly-made husband and wife at the exit from the church. It is there that the ritual of congratulations and showering with “manna from heaven” begins.
After this, everyone goes to the banquet, where drinks and light snacks are already prepared on the tables.
Swedish divorce
Divorce in Sweden is a simple and inexpensive process.
A couple who decides to end their family relationship must submit an application to the judicial authority at their place of residence. If the marriage took place in Sweden, but both spouses live abroad, the capital’s Themis will deal with the issue.
If the divorce is by mutual consent, the couple fills out a document called gemensam ansökan om skilsmässa.
In the event that one of the spouses is against divorce, the court must provide stämningsansökan.
The registration fee for submitting documents is a little more than 100 US dollars.
If there are no young children in the family, and the husband and wife have agreed on divorce issues, the whole process will take only a few weeks.
In the case where the breakup of relations occurs unilaterally, also if the family has children under 16 years of age, the period of divorce proceedings can be increased to six months.
Expert opinion
Maria Lokshina
Family law expert since 2010
In Sweden, lawyers are not always used for divorce. The so-called divorce portal has been operating in the country since 2003. The company's employees prepare all the necessary papers, and the spouses are only required to answer a few questions.
Of course, if there are financial disputes or disagreements on raising children, it is best to seek legal help from lawyers.
The reluctance of one of the spouses to divorce is not the reason for refusal on the part of Themis.
Same sex marriage allowed or not
Sweden is one of the most liberal countries in terms of LGBT community. And since 2009, there has been a law allowing same-sex marriage.
The government act that addresses this topic is called the Gender Neutral Marriage Act.
Today, homosexual couples from other countries often come to Sweden to marry legally. True, it is recognized only on the territory of a European country.
Moreover, the Lutheran Church today also recognizes such relationships. And not only traditional couples, but also lesbian and gay families can get married in the temple. Sweden became the first country in which the church recognized same-sex marriage, and this despite the fact that almost all denominations have an extremely negative attitude towards homosexual unions.
Since 2002, same-sex families in Sweden also have the right to adopt children, both from their own citizens and from abroad.
Swedish family traditions
The standard Swedish family is a pair of parents and two children. Moreover, if earlier patriarchy reigned in the country, now spouses in marriage have equal rights. At the same time, women are well protected socially.
In most families, both spouses work. It is also customary here that husband and wife have separate bank accounts. Swedish relations can be called financially independent. It is not at all surprising when a husband and wife, coming to a restaurant, split the bill in half or each pay for their own dish.
Household chores are also the responsibility of both spouses. Moreover, there is nothing wrong with a man washing the dishes and a woman fixing the faucet in the bathroom.
As for children, they are raised as free individuals. Corporal punishment is punishable by law. Therefore, children can often allow themselves unnecessary whims.
But the main family value remains respectful attitude towards each other.
Family law in Sweden
Swedish law allows you to start a family at the age of 18. The age of marriage may be lowered under certain circumstances and only with the permission of the competent authorities.
Each spouse has the right to dispose of their property independently and must pay personal debts themselves. At the same time, both the wife and the husband are obliged to contribute to the well-being of the family.
All property acquired during an official marriage is also considered common and is divided in half upon divorce. This item does not apply civil marriages, where each spouse owns exclusively their own property, unless another agreement or marriage contract is concluded.
Children in Swedish families have the right to good upbringing. Moreover, the law prohibits any corporal punishment. A child can call the police and “complain” about mom or dad. Those, in turn, may receive an administrative penalty.
When parents divorce, children have the right to independently decide who they would like to live with - their mother or father. Parents have the same right to participate in the upbringing of their children. In the event of a divorce, the estranged spouse must pay child support.
Despite the fact that Sweden is one of the most liberal countries in relation to family law, both parties to a marriage are equally protected by law.
Swedish family is the colloquial name for one of the forms of polyamory, which allows a person to have multiple love affairs with the consent and approval of all participants in such relations. In practice, this implies cohabitation of several people of different sexes, for example, one man and two women (or vice versa).It’s worth noting right away that this form of relationship does not necessarily imply group sex. This is a slightly different concept, which has a scientific name - triolism. Relationships in a Swedish family can be very different - banal affection, friendship, platonic love or rivalry.
Swedish families are not as rare as they might seem at first glance. This form of human relationships is quite widely represented in various works of literature and cinema. The most famous films: “The Dreamers” dir. Bernardo Bertolucci, “The Third Bourgeois” dir. Abram Rom, "Jules and Jim" dir. Francois Truffaut.
By the way, such a designation as “Swedish family” is found only in Russia and some other countries post-Soviet space. In the majority European countries a term is used that is literally translated from French means running a household for three.
The birth of a stereotype
It is not known for certain where this term came from in the conservative Soviet Union, but in the 70s of the last century the concept of “Swedish family” was the main synonym for Sweden throughout the entire USSR. There was a stereotype that in this mysterious Scandinavian country the cohabitation of several couples was quite common.Perhaps the whole point is in the wave of the sexual revolution that reached the union and rumors about representatives of the left-wing Swedish youth, who in those years were not distinguished by puritanical behavior and behaved very frivolously. Scandinavian hippies did not recognize any family values or moral principles. Some of them actually lived in groups, kind of communes, promoting free love. In those same years, the mega-popular Swedish show appeared on TV screens. musical group ABBA, consisting of 2 married couples. They sang so sweetly about love that Soviet citizens could not help but believe them.
Of course, it is difficult to call the Swedes conservatives in an intimate sense. This is the only country in the world where sexual literacy began to be taught in school in the early 50s of the last century. Communication between spouses after divorces and spending time together between “new” and “old” families is a common thing for liberated Swedes. But it would be a great exaggeration to say that in terms of building family relationships they are somehow different from other Europeans.
