How to remove resentment from your soul. Getting rid of anger

Forgive and let go. But how?

Quite often, grievances remain with us for years and even decades, placing a heavy burden on the soul and, as many psychotherapists say, settling as ailments in the body. It is enough to remember a painful situation or someone who caused suffering, as a lump rises in your throat, your breath catches, and tears well up in your eyes... Such a reaction is the first sign that you have not let go of traumatic emotions, and they are still in your body to this day ( yes, all our emotions and pain “live” in the body). This means that somewhere on an energy level you are still attached to the people who hurt. It looks like invisible threads that connect you with ex-lovers, cheating husbands, envious friends, indifferent parents or random tyrants. With everyone who came across life path and, wittingly or unwittingly, caused suffering. Life energy flows through these threads, which could be useful for other purposes, for example, creative ones. But even realizing this, breaking these invisible connections can be very difficult. The only way - forgive!

The magic of forgiveness

Any healer of the soul, be it a psychologist, a priest or a healer, knows that forgiveness has a certain magical power. It always presupposes internal work above oneself, sometimes requiring not one, but hundreds and even thousands of steps. If you say: “I have forgiven you,” but you still feel heaviness in your soul, it means you have not forgiven yet. Everyone who has managed to truly forgive feels a surge of strength, lightness and inspiration. You truly become freer because you have removed a significant block in the path of your life currents. And here it is important to understand: forgiveness is an act of mercy towards oneself, and not a favor and generosity towards offenders and enemies.

From the point of view of Gestalt psychologists, every situation that has not ended can take away a person’s energy. To forgive means to say goodbye, that is, to complete and let go of an unpleasant or painful episode. In other words, stop being a victim, put an end to it and regain your inner strength. There are many psychological techniques for forgiveness, but each person has his own path.

Why forgive?

The first step to take is want to forgive. Motives can be different: for the sake of one’s own health, freedom and spiritual harmony. Or to stop suffering, let go of old connections and open doors for new love. Or perhaps you want to reconcile and give the relationship another chance. It is important to realize why you are ready to forgive.

Essential motive - by forgiving we We cleanse ourselves not only mentally, but also physically. In order to understand this, conduct the following experiment: imagine your offender and the situation that caused your indignation, worry or pain. Record your bodily sensations: you will probably feel how your heartbeat has changed, or it has become difficult to breathe, or the blood has rushed to your face. Perhaps you wanted to shrink, shrink, or something went cold inside. If think about revenge, then the nervous system will shake even more. Now tell the imaginary offender: “May you feel good...” If you feel that it has become easier, then you have taken the first step towards liberation. Someone will say: this is unrealistic, how can you wish good for, say, a rapist or murderer? What to do if anger torments your soul, and the pain cannot be expressed in words? Remember that this the phrase works like a boomerang- you wish “good” first of all for yourself. And you need to repeat it until it becomes easier.

Retrieve and neutralize

Some mental wounds are so deep and long-standing that a person forgets about them, he “licked” them long ago, drove them deeper into the subconscious, erased them from memory, but this does not mean that he has healed them. Scars caused by severe insults, mental trauma and emotional turmoil will not disappear on their own. They make themselves known as soon as something reminds them of the situation. Without letting go of the pain of the past, a person cannot live full life present. For example, betrayal and pain of loss of love, may be expressed in refusal of new relationships. Often this happens unconsciously: a man or woman avoids close relationships, breaks contacts as soon as he feels that he is starting to fall in love. Resentment towards parents, which stretch from childhood, affect relationships with your other half, prevent you from expressing your personality in a free way and achieving success. Important see them, get them to the surface. Of course, with this memory the pain may return again. And is it worth “picking” the past for this? Yes. Here, as in surgery, you have to “open up the abscess” so that it becomes easier later.

In order to get rid of experiences, you need to not only recognize them, but also express them. And if the offender is not around, has he long since sunk into the past? Or do you live in the same family with him, meet him at work, see him every day, but cannot show your rejection? In such cases, psychologists suggest different variants: For example, write this person a letter, in which you need to talk about your feelings. What to do with this message later is up to you: you can burn it, tear it up, or even send it to the recipient. The main thing is to realize your feelings and express them. Another option is to imagine that the person is sitting opposite you (put an empty chair there) and talk to him. Ask questions, moving to his chair to give an answer on his behalf. This technique is called " The two-chair method. Or can you just talk to a large plush toy (crocodile, hippopotamus, bear - any), imagining that this is your offender, and even beat him if you want (for this they also beat pillows). The effect will be if you express your emotions to the end. Of course, with the help of a psychotherapist, such techniques work faster and more reliably. The point of therapy is that a person experiences pain again, but in a safe environment, expresses it and, finally, becomes free.

Understand the motives

Even in ordinary controversial relationships, it is difficult for us to imagine ourselves on the other side of the barricades in order to understand someone else’s position. What can we say about situations in which emotions are affected, you felt insulted, offended or long time were worried misbehavior someone close to you? However, here too you need to be able to abstract yourself from emotions, at least for a while, and try to find the motives of the offender. It often turns out that he is guided by weaknesses, not strength. Let's say that parents who suppress their own children, in most cases, were themselves deprived of love and a happy childhood. A husband who raises his hand against his wife may subconsciously be afraid of women. The father turns away from the “disobedient” son, who did not live up to expectations (became a musician, not a pilot), in the depths of his soul he hoped that the child would realize the dreams that he himself could not fulfill. Realizing the motives of other people, you stop seeing yourself only as a victim: he did this to me because he doesn’t love me, I’m not needed, I’m not valued... The emphasis shifts from own feelings on inner world another person, you begin to see his imperfections, weaknesses and troubles. This also helps not to hold a grudge and let go of grievances.

spring-cleaning

Many of us intuitively feel: when something is not going well in life, stagnation has set in, or troubles have overcome us, we should thoroughly clean our home and throw away all the trash. Followers of positive psychology believe that such general cleaning should be arranged not only in the house, but also in the soul. Famous writer motivational books Louise Hay I am sure that when something hurts, look for someone to forgive. For spring cleaning, it is useful to make a list of all the people who have met on your path, starting from childhood. At the top of this list should be the people closest to you or those who hurt you the most. Try to forgive them gradually, step by step. By the way, do not forget that for complete happiness, you need to forgive not only others, but also yourself - after all, quite often we scold, punish or dislike ourselves for some misdeeds or mistakes. Forgive yourself and others, and life will become easier, life will become more fun!

Resentment has stuck like a nail somewhere in the depths of the soul, does not allow one to forget about oneself, and thoughts, as luck would have it, constantly return in a vicious circle to the traumatic situation. And I feel so sorry for myself, my beloved, and no one can tell me how to forgive an offense when I don’t want to forgive at all. You don’t want to, but you have to, because not forgiving will cost yourself more.

Is it possible to find freedom through forgiveness?

The inability to quickly forget grievances is characteristic of people with low self-esteem, those who do not love themselves enough. Many people have been seething with anger for years at their husband or wife, at their parents or their children, at co-workers and neighbors. Confidence in one’s own rightness seems unshakable; one’s own actions and actions seem to be the only correct ones.

In order to assess your ability to forgive, you need to answer affirmatively or negatively to the following statements:

• Only the weak can forgive.
• They completely ruined my life.
• Their actions are unforgivable.
• I was a child when I was mentally traumatized and hurt.
• Others are wrong, but I am always right.
• I blame my parents (husband, wife) for what happened.
• The guarantee of my safety is refusal to forgive, resentment towards these people.
• I don't know how to overcome resentment.

If you agreed with at least part of these statements, then you know that forgiving is not as easy as it might seem. Without knowing how to learn to forgive insults, it is impossible to truly become happy man. Yes, maybe someone misbehaved with you in the best possible way However, this incident has long been completed and everything is a thing of the past. You should not think that you have recognized the correctness of the action of the person who offended you if you have forgiven your offender - this is a fundamentally wrong belief.

You need to understand the main thing - every time a person acts in the only way possible for himself. This was the maximum for him at that time, he simply could not do otherwise. It's not an easy statement to accept, is it? After all, you would have acted completely differently. However, taking into account his life experience, upbringing, existing knowledge, and the current situation, the person who offended you did not have the opportunity to act differently.

There is another important aspect here - someone who can easily offend another has himself had to endure childhood insults and face anger more than once. Psychology family relations claims that domestic tyrants are made from those boys (and sometimes girls) who had to suffer in childhood from their father, or they saw how he offended his mother.

An example could be an authoritarian mother who constantly humiliates her father, and then the girl transfers this model to her family, following her example by offending her own husband. Understanding this pattern, it is absolutely not necessary to give up your life to such people. We just need to remember that life could hurt our offenders.

This is what is called “accepting the situation.” This expression is often found in techniques that recommend how to overcome resentment. This way of thinking is the first step to starting a life with clean slate, free yourself from anger at your offenders.

Negative consequences of unforgiven grudges

Knowing how to get rid of feelings of resentment, you can change your attitude towards the world and people. The law of reflection will be true to itself here too - both the world and people will take not one, but several steps towards it. There is a real chance to start life again. In addition, without learning how to cope with resentment, you can cause damage to your body.

No matter what pain and negative emotions people cause, the only thing worse than this can be the harm they inflict on themselves with their own hands. Resentment and anger accumulate in the body like poison, taken a teaspoon daily. It increases its concentration and undermines a person’s strength with its destructive effect. You won’t be able to feel like a healthy and happy person if you don’t know how to survive an insult and keep a negative past in your soul.

Living in a constant state of stress is an unbearable burden for any person. And negative emotions caused by resentment have a destructive effect on the psyche. Under the influence of anger nervous system, constantly suffering from negativity, no longer regulates the functioning of organs and systems so well, hence diseases and immune failure.

Resentment towards parents - analyzing the problem

Psychology claims that our memory is selective - it blocks many unpleasant memories and does not allow them to reach the level of consciousness. That is why our memories of childhood are mostly rosy, and unpleasant incidents are hidden deep in the subconscious. However, even the most wonderful relationships in the present can mask children's grievances against their parents.

The roots of all the problems that a person faces now, and from which he wants to free himself, stretch into the past. Almost everyone somewhere very deeply hides a grudge against their parents that they did not give us love, attention, support, a positive assessment of our achievements and actions. Not everyone can immediately admit that they have such a conviction, but many still take offense at their mother and father for the pain they caused.

This belief is not far from the truth - everyone had to experience pain, the memories of which passed into adulthood. These childhood grievances against mother and father formed an attitude towards the world as a hostile place where you constantly need to be on guard, where any relationship can turn into betrayal. Our world reflects these thoughts and beliefs like a mirror.

How to get rid of this burden

In order to make life more harmonious, you need to remember the past and those traumatic moments in which you were hurt, mentally pressured, and not understood. Remembering this, try to understand your mother and father and forgive your parents. To understand how to cope with resentment towards your mother or father, you can use one exercise (V. Zhikarentsev’s method).

To do this, you need to take their photographs, and if this is not possible, then imagine the father and mother in the form of an abstract image. Then you need to begin to raise to the surface of consciousness all the thoughts, feelings and emotions associated with them. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself, even if the internal dialogue is painful. When you feel that negative emotions are enough for one time, the exercise should be stopped and started after some time.

What should you learn during this dialogue? In order to learn how to get rid of resentment towards your mother and father, you need to accept them into your life and forgive them. They did what they could at the time, as their own parents taught them, as reality dictated. They were not motivated by anger, but sincerely thought that it would be better for you, and they did everything possible that they could then.

When thinking about how to forgive an offense, you need to remember that we are them, you look at your mother and father - you look at yourself, if you are offended by your mother - you are offended by yourself. The psychology of conflict compares a person who is unable to let go of such a situation with those who tear something important away from themselves with their own hands. By getting rid of anger at your mother and father, by learning how to let go of resentment, you can take a huge and important step towards yourself.

“Whoever remembers the old is out of sight”

Still, our ancestors were not completely dense; they understood something important about why and how to forget an insult. I agree with them and modern psychology, she believes that thoughts and words have power. Being offended by our mother, husband, or beloved man, we experience many emotions:

• fear
• sadness
• regret
• desire for revenge
• guilt

They are often accompanied by a feeling of anger at the whole world. All these states are a consequence of the reluctance to live not in the past, but in the present. Without knowing how to overcome a grudge, you cannot build a future on such a fragile foundation of past grudges that do not want to let a person go. You need to rely only on the present.

Blaming another person for your feelings is a waste of your power, because the responsibility for your feelings is shifted to someone else. But you won’t blame your husband, mother, wife, or colleague for penetrating your thoughts and forcing you to react to their actions in such a way. This means that when deciding how to get rid of resentment, you need to meaningfully choose your feelings and reaction to the words of another person.

When thinking about how to forgive an offense, you should not be guided by anger. It is more important to be the first to make peace and draw reasonable boundaries that cannot be crossed in a relationship. This is the most useful thing you can do in such a situation.

Who among us has not been offended in life? They criticized, didn’t appreciate, didn’t understand, didn’t hear... And then a resentment arises that sits in the heart like a thorn. How to get rid of it? How to forgive an insult? How to forget caustic words addressed to you? How to survive a friend's betrayal? This article will teach you this.

Resentment as a means of manipulation

Some psychologists say that resentment is a way to get what you want. This is especially true for close relatives. The wife, trying to teach her late husband a lesson, pouts her lips and “takes a vow of silence.” The husband accuses his wife of her inability to manage the household, hinting at constant meetings with her friends. Why do adults have such a need to offend a loved one for personal gain?

Psychologists say that all this comes from childhood. A child who likes a toy cries and begs his parents for it. The little manipulator knows that this is bad. Parents also know this, but they still buy the 25th doll or car. It is impossible to look at your baby’s tears without pity. We often use this method of manipulating others later in adult life. True, it works more often in close relationships.

Why does a person offend another?

What is the main reason that one individual offends another? We often get offended and don’t think about it at all. But humiliations and verbal insults addressed to us are often disguised compliments on the part of our opponents.

Envy, unfortunately, is common to many people. Not many people will praise a person who has achieved any heights. But there will always be those who will scold and blaspheme him. By committing his vile deed on us, the offender gains a sense of self-worth. He “grows” in his own eyes. Moreover, the stronger his words affect us, the more joy and satisfaction it will bring him. So why indulge him? Let's smile back at him and say nice words. We are concerned with the question of how to forgive an offense? Sometimes, in order to do this, it is enough to understand why we are humiliated and insulted.

Consequences of resentment

It may be difficult for many people to forgive their enemies at times. Many people think: “Why should I forget the insult? My enemy will be happy if he does not suffer the deserved punishment for this.” Learning to forgive is necessary for yourself, to preserve your health. To understand this, just look at the following list of potential problems that can arise if you constantly replay an unpleasant situation in your head:

Decreased immunity;

Problems with thyroid gland;

Depression;

Diseases of the cardiovascular system;

Oncology;

Mental disorders;

Migraines, headaches.

At first glance, the connection between the occurrence of these ailments and a person’s mood seems unrealistic. But it’s worth imagining what’s going on inside the offended person to understand it. For example, a person was rude on the bus, fired from work without reason, insulted... What do most of us do in this case? Some take revenge, some start drinking bitter drinks, others withdraw into themselves. But many of us will swallow the insult and move on with our lives. Only the resentment and tension have not gone away. Negativity accumulates in our body. This will happen until the negative energy finds a way out. And the solution here can be severe depression, a nervous breakdown, a complex illness, and so on. So why accumulate grievances within yourself? You need to learn to neutralize them. How to forgive an offense and let it go will be discussed further.

How to remain calm in response to criticism?

A person sometimes receives teachings from another person with indignation. And what can we say about the offensive words that he hears from others? Remaining calm in response to criticism can often be very difficult. Of course, it is good to remain cool and unperturbed in any situation. But how to curb your emotions when necessary? There are several tips to help you do this:

Don't respond to the offender right away. In anger, you can say a lot of things that you will later regret.

And then the question of how to save the situation, and not how to forgive offenses, will come first for you. The past cannot be returned. An unpleasant aftertaste from a quarrel will remain not only with your opponent, but also with you. Cool down and analyze your opponent's words. And only then parry.

Deceive the offender in his expectations. Konstantin Kushner, a Russian historian and educator, said: “If you are offended, the enemy has succeeded.” Know that your opponent’s main goal is to get under your skin. So why should he give this pleasure? Smile and forgive him.

During an argument, ask the offender: “What can I do to improve the situation?” Is he confused and can't answer? This means he has personal reasons to talk badly about you. Such criticism cannot be fair.

The brilliant Erian Schultz said: “To be offended by bad words addressed to you is to agree with them.” This simple phrase explains everything. Do you really consider yourself to be what your enemies are trying to make you out to be? Of course not. But there is no point in proving them otherwise. It’s better to step aside and ignore their words.

Do you want to know how to learn to forgive grievances? Make excuses for your opponents. Try to step into their shoes and understand why they do it. Everything is simpler than it seems at first glance. One was created by nature to be so angry, the second was offended today, and in the heat of the moment he shouted at you, the third is having an unlucky day today, everything is falling out of his hands, and he decided to “send everything to hell”, quarreling with everyone, including you . Justified? Has it become easier? All that remained in my soul was pity for these poor people.

Live in the moment. You need to forgive the offense in time, let go of the past and continue to move on your path. Focusing on quarrels with others will not lead to good.

The main thing is the inner core!

Only strong-willed people can remain calm in response to criticism and not be offended by insults and slander. We often worry about hearing bad words about ourselves. It doesn’t matter whether they told us to our face or behind our backs. But if we know that we haven’t done anything wrong, then why worry? The main thing is the confidence that we are right, that we are acting fairly, that the truth is on our side. This conviction gives us calm, firmness, determination. Our inner core will not allow us to cave in to offensive insults and slander. And we will not have questions about how to forgive an insult and let go of the past, how to forget insults addressed to us, how to improve relationships after a quarrel.

Exercise No. 1 - revenge on the offender

Learning to forgive is not that easy. Overcoming yourself can sometimes be quite difficult. Will help you do this special exercises, for example, such as “imaginary revenge on the offender.” It consists of the following:

Exercise No. 2 - forgiveness

Psychologists say that thoughts and words are material. By managing them, you can easily change your life as in positive side, and negative. And if positive thoughts and words carry creative energy, then negative ones produce a destructive effect. This knowledge will help us answer the main question that concerns us: “How to forgive an offense, finding peace and joy?” It is recommended to perform this exercise for 5-15 minutes a day. It's better to do this with a partner, but you can do it alone. It consists of the following:

1. Take a comfortable position.
2. Repeat loudly and emotionally several times, mentally addressing your offender: “You are good, cheerful, kind... I forgive you for the fact that...”.
3. After freeing yourself from resentment, tell yourself this: “I forgive myself for...”.

Three ways not to be offended

1. Only truly strong and great people have self-control. Anyone can be offended, but only a select few can forgive. It’s not for nothing that Socrates said: “To be offended is beneath the dignity of a person.” Why are we worse than the great philosopher? Let's learn to forgive.
2. Let's replace resentment with pity. For example, our significant other spoke sharply about some of our personal qualities: the husband said that his wife was a bad cook, the wife “blowed her husband’s brains out” about low earnings, and so on. Now we are overwhelmed by the thought of how to forgive an offense to a loved one. Let's just feel sorry for the poor guy. After all, a person offends when he is in a state of anger, frustration or bad mood. And all this has a detrimental effect on his health. It’s already hard enough for the abuser.
3. We can try to figure out why people offend us. A heart-to-heart conversation will help resolve an unpleasant situation.

The main thing is not to keep it to yourself

Not everyone understands why we need to learn how to forget an offense and forgive. But, as we have already found out, experiencing negative emotions is harmful to your health. And resentment, anger, and grief are perhaps the most negatively colored feelings. In our civilized society, it is not customary to openly express one’s emotions, especially negative ones. Therefore, many people, having swallowed the insult, try to pretend that nothing happened. But their experiences do not give them peace. Over time, the unpleasant situation is erased from memory, but a residue from it still remains on the soul.

What to do in this case? Release on time negative emotions outside so that they do not have time to cause harm to our physical and mental health. This should be done when you are at home alone. Otherwise, you may unpleasantly shock your household. You can break several plates on the floor, knock on a pillow with your fists, imagining your offender in its place. You can just shout loudly at home when you are alone. It takes only a few minutes. But you will see how easy it will become for you after this. The world will no longer seem so dark and cruel, the offender - rude and heartless, and those around - indifferent and ruthless.

Religion is about forgiveness

There are words in the Bible that you need to love your enemies and thank them for the evil deeds that they do. Christian preachers teach that the one who strikes on the cheek should also offer the other cheek for the blow, and the one who takes away outerwear, give away the shirt too. At first glance, these sayings seem unreasonable. How can you not resist the blows and thank your enemies for the beatings? But this seems crazy only at first glance. It is important for a person to learn to forgive others for the sake of preserving his own health. An offended, upset, angry person is in a state of tension, constantly replaying the details of the quarrel in his head and possible ways revenge. Negative thoughts deprive him of the joy of being. Having forgiven his offenders, he finds peace and tranquility. There is no longer any need to suffer and suffer. You can live on and do good deeds. Life is already too short to waste it on such trifles as scandals and quarrels.

Why think about how to forgive an offense? You shouldn't be offended by your mother and father at all. These are the people whose love for children is immeasurable. As for enemies, many people may have the following questions: “Why should I forgive my enemy? Why do good things to him? After all, he doesn’t deserve it.” There is one thing in the Bible wonderful place, which says the following: “If your enemy is hungry, then feed him. If he is thirsty, then give him something to drink: for by doing this you are heaping burning coals on his head.” These words have a deep meaning. You cannot defeat evil with evil. Bad things can only be eradicated with good. And then, who knows, maybe yours worst enemy will be yours best friend. It’s not for nothing that they say: “From hatred to love there is only one step.” The Bible will tell you the answer to the question of how to learn to forgive offenses. Try to be a true Christian and fulfill all the commandments set out in it. Then there will be no place for resentment, hatred, or revenge in your life.

Prayer for forgiveness of enemies

When things get especially difficult for us, we turn to God for help. And it is not at all necessary to know certain prayers here. We can express in our own words what lies like a stone in our soul and ask for salvation from the Almighty. The answer to the question of how to forgive an offense and let go is clear. We need to open and read the Bible more often, and follow the commandments given in it. The Lord teaches us that we must love our neighbor as ourselves, no matter what, that we must forgive our enemies, no matter what offense they inflict on us. This is necessary first of all for the offended person himself.

A prayer with which you can turn to God could be like this:

“Lord, our father, I ask you, give me strength to forgive the people who have offended me. You, O Merciful One, taught us: “Love your enemies. Bless everyone who curses you. Do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who offend and persecute you.” Give me the spiritual strength to forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing. Help me to be reconciled with those who have offended me in my soul. Let me find the joy of forgiveness."

You need to repeat this every day. And then you will no longer have questions about how to forgive an offense. Prayer saves from empty worries and anxiety.

How to forgive your loved one and let go?

How many tears are shed when love leaves! It’s very difficult after something like this to forget the betrayal of your significant other and start life anew. It is especially difficult for women in such situations.

These tips will teach them how to forgive a man for an offense, let him go and start life from scratch:

Give him all his things, remove all photographs of you together so that nothing reminds you of him;

Take two weeks off and fly to warm countries, to relax;

Try not to isolate yourself, go to the movies, cafes, clubs, somewhere where there are a lot of people, where life is in full swing;

Call for help best friend, talk to her, cry, you will immediately feel better;

Write down all your shortcomings on a piece of paper. ex-lover, remembering all the bad things associated with him, tear up the piece of paper and mentally say goodbye to this “scoundrel.”

Aphorisms of famous people about forgiveness

It is common for all people to be offended. It’s interesting what famous people say about this negative feeling.

Oscar Wilde: " The best way piss off your enemies - forgive them.”

Thomas Szasz: “A stupid person does not forget and does not forgive, a naive person both forgets and forgives, a smart person forgives but does not forget.”

William Blake: “It is easier to forgive an enemy than a friend.”

Johann Schiller: “Forgiveness is stronger than all victories.”

Gilbert Chesterton: “A haughty apology is another insult.”

Henri de Monterlant: “There are people to whom we forgive everything, and there are people to whom we forgive nothing. Those to whom we do not forgive anything are our friends.”

Jean Paul: “A person is beautiful when he forgives himself or asks for forgiveness from another.”

George Halifax: “Conscience and memory always differ as to whether wrongs should be forgiven.”

We found out the reasons why some people try to humiliate and insult others, and also looked at several ways to forgive an offense.

How to forgive an offense and let a person go is a difficult question and life situation for many people of different ages. Resentment is a feeling that prevents you from living and enjoying a harmonious relationship with your other half. Sometimes it can consume you completely, making you forget all the good things that happened between you. Often because of this, people quarrel so much that they separate. How to prevent such an outcome of events?

Resentment is a negative thing that poisons a person from the inside.

You don't know how to forgive and let go of an offense? You need to understand your true feelings. If you really love or respect a person, you shouldn’t waste time on such negative emotions!

In such a state, everyone is tuned only to negativity

They seem to burn a person from the inside, forcing him to look at the world through a veil of fog. Everything positive fades into the background, and you see in front of you only the reason that became the main factor in the occurrence of resentment. But you need to drive all this away, because this way you will never become happy.

Analysis of grievances

To get rid of this feeling you need to understand its causes.

There is a question: how to cope with resentment so that it does not interfere with building harmonious relationships? At the very beginning, you should analyze what caused such feelings.
Try to remember the situation in every detail. It often turns out that a person did not offend you as much as you thought. You can correct the situation in time by taking the first step towards reconciliation.

It also happens that analysis will help you understand that it is you who are to blame for the conflict. Here you need to act carefully, explaining to the person that you misunderstood each other.

Getting rid of anger

Do you feel like anger is overwhelming you? This is very dangerous, since such emotions bring a lot of negativity to you and those around you. Here's how to deal with anger:

• master the technique of deep breathing, as this will give you the opportunity to find spiritual harmony;
• completely relax your muscles, which will make it possible to relieve anxiety and stress, and therefore relieve you of anger;
• release your anger. You can find a quiet and secluded place to shake yourself off like a dog after water. You can also write down your thoughts on paper and tear the paper or burn it;
• switch to something funny, for example, watch a video on the Internet to take your mind off the negativity;
• listen to music that will relax you and completely calm you down.

Here's how to deal with hurt and anger without losing yours. valuable nerves. After such actions, anger will fade into the background, and you will be able to completely calm down and think about what to do in the future.

Recognizing that there is a problem is half the battle in solving it

Getting rid of guilt

Another unpleasant situation is the feeling of guilt. If you have offended any person, it will haunt you every day. Because of this, people often face stress or depression, since guilt constantly weighs on the subconscious.

You can get rid of it by following these tips:

• never blame yourself for the fact that others reacted to your behavior differently than you would like;
• you should not mentally reproach yourself for any misdeeds;
• no need to feel guilty if people from your close circle do wrong;
• “burn” the feeling of guilt by writing down all your main experiences on a piece of paper;
• there is no need to constantly apologize to everyone, even if you are not guilty;
• do not allow yourself to be manipulated, because if you fail to complete the tasks, the feeling of guilt will return again.

This simple tips that will help you cope with negativity. You will feel free if everything works out.

How to learn to forgive grievances and let go

Not everyone knows how to learn to forgive grievances and let people go. But it is a valuable skill that will help you cope with many problems in life.

I seriously insulted you close person? Are you unable to find relief from your worries? Then you need to forgive him by following these tips:

1. remember that resentment is a strong evil. You must realize that it must be destroyed in order to live happily;
2. Negative motivation will also allow you to forgive a person faster. Think about what awaits you if you live with the experiences inside. This often leads to illness, depression, and loss of interest in life. It is better to forgive than to radically ruin your life;
3. Positive motivation will also help to cope with negativity. Think how much your life would change if you were happy and carefree again. These are new acquaintances fun meetings with friends, happy evenings with family;
4. If you don’t know how to learn to forgive insults, eliminate the weakness in yourself that attracted them. Perhaps it's low self-esteem or problems at work. Try to correct these shortcomings in order to become strong man, which does not depend on everything bad;
5. be grateful for the lessons that life teaches you. If you made a mistake that led to negativity, reel it off. In the future, you will no longer repeat such actions, which will make it much easier;
6. A sense of humor always saved me from such situations. Make fun of yourself, take criticism adequately, don’t be offended caustic phrases colleagues or acquaintances. Only in this case will everyone understand that it is useless to try to hurt your pride.

You understand how to forgive an offense and let go of your loved one. Do not forget that you cannot keep anyone near you by force. It’s better to part ways peacefully than to torment each other for the rest of your life. But you need to part with a calm soul in which there is no place for negativity.

How to deal with resentment and negative emotions

Negative emotions destroy a person’s aura, as a result of which it becomes vulnerable to all sorts of factors. People who experience such feelings are susceptible to depression and stress.

You need to understand how to learn to forgive insults (psychology) in order to feel great. In fact, it is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance. You just need to control your emotions to get rid of all the negativity.

Negativity can accumulate for a long time, and then suddenly burst out

1. Identify the source of irritation

At the very beginning, it’s worth understanding what irritates you so much. Perhaps it’s her husband’s scattered things or an annoying work colleague. Never accumulate emotions within yourself, because sooner or later they will burst out in a huge stream of claims and grievances.

If we're talking about about your loved one who is doing something wrong, try to talk to him. The conversation should be calm and friendly. Explain why you don’t like this or that action. In most cases, everything can be fixed without accumulating negative emotions within yourself.

If you are offended by a work colleague, then try to talk to him. If all is unsuccessful, do not intersect or keep meetings to a minimum. Do not accumulate resentment within yourself, because it will definitely spill out in a stream of negative emotions.

1. Understand the reason

To understand how to learn to forgive people and let go of resentment, understand yourself. Why are you offended by others? Perhaps it's your low self-esteem? Do you not know how to cope with your emotions?

You can find spiritual harmony with the help of breathing exercises or yoga. In practice, it has been proven that such activities calm and distract from negative emotions. If suddenly negativity has already settled inside you, it will soon stop bothering you, because it Negative influence is eliminated.

How to deal with resentment and anger

People ask the question: how to deal with resentment and negative emotions quickly and effectively? There are tips that will make you feel much better:

• stop feeling like a victim: instead of “I was offended,” say “I feel offended”;
• look at yourself through the eyes of the offender and think whether everything is so smooth on your part, or whether you, too, have done something wrong to the person;
• Perhaps you are missing something, which stimulates you to be angry. If so, then allow yourself to fill what is missing in life;
• tell yourself “Stop” because the feeling is poisonous from within. If you don't want to face stress or depression, try to control your emotions right now;
• calm down and think about how you feel this moment, because it may turn out that this is not anger, but a banal lack of attention;
• React to different situations calmly, and over time you will notice that the feeling of resentment is no longer inherent in you.

A big grievance usually develops gradually from several small ones.

These are simple tips that will help you cope with resentment and anger. You should not waste your time on such negative emotions, as they will only bring you harm.

How to deal with resentment towards a man

Often women ask: how to cope with resentment towards a man if I live under the same roof with him? Of course, such emotions can destroy a relationship in a matter of days.

If we are talking about betrayal, then not everyone is ready to forgive their loved one. In such a situation, you should understand that getting rid of negativity will benefit you, not him. Try to completely calm down and tune in for the best. Remember that it is very difficult to go through life with resentment. If you want to become happy and loved, drive away negative emotions in order to calmly let go of the man.

Women are the most touchy - they are real masters of this matter.

You don't know how to forgive a person and free yourself from grievances if the situation is not so serious? Then a simple conversation can help you. Talk to your significant other so that she understands what exactly is bothering you. In practice, it has been proven that conversations often make it possible to get rid of all negative emotions!

It is very difficult to live with resentment. It brings more harm to the offended than to the offender and deprives him of the opportunity to restore mental balance. But for some reason, many people tend to nurse and cherish the insults inflicted on them, exaggerate them and lengthen the list of their offenders, instead of forgiving the insult and letting it go negative thoughts and feelings.

Any offender – ordinary person with your own problems and the right to make mistakes. It happens that the offender does not even suspect that he has offended the person, and the offended person thinks about the insult day and night, hatching a plan for revenge, and may even provoke the occurrence of a psychosomatic illness with his thoughts.

Resentment- this is a complex feeling, it combines many other negative feelings, of which the main two are:

• anger directed at the offender,
• a pity in relation to yourself.

Many psychologists are convinced that resentment is egocentric feeling. When something is not the way you want, expect or think and you cannot control or manage what is happening, the wounded pride of an egoist provokes resentment.

The whole essence of the offense becomes clear if you know its three basic mental components:

1. Building Expectations. A person begins to expect and want someone else to perform a specific action. As a rule, he does not communicate this expectation or assumes that it goes without saying. But another person has his own inner world and his own thoughts, and they cannot (and should not!) coincide 100% with the thoughts of anyone else, even the closest person.

Absolutely all interpersonal conflicts of any nature and plan have a common “root” - inability of people talk together! The inability to talk with a partner, spouse, colleague, parent, child, friend gives rise to countless intractable problems.

Instead of coming up with a “brilliant plan” and silently waiting for the other person to read his mind and certainly act in accordance with the plan, it is better to talk to him, find out what he wants and how he plans to do it. If there is love, respect, acceptance, there will be no manipulation, intimidation, ultimatums and scandals.

By giving another person freedom of action and allowing him to do as he wants (and he has every right to do so!), and not imposing your point of view or line of behavior on him, you can protect yourself from offense.

If we take it as a rule installation to not expect anything from anyone and rely only on yourself, and if necessary, talk about problems, resentment will not arise.

Grudges are better warn rather than eliminating, and the best thing is not to be offended at all. True, this is not an easy skill, it is not easy to cultivate in oneself.

Many grievances - one solution

Resentment is a very strong and inherently destructive state. It prevents the emergence of positive feelings and kills those that exist. The only thing worse than resentment is revenge. This feeling and action can radically change a person’s life for the worse.

Resentment comes in different forms:

1. Resentment as natural reaction to unfairly caused grief or insult.

A person is offended because his feelings, beliefs, his “I” are hurt when he notices in the offender’s act injustice towards himself, deception, betrayal, ingratitude. Anger in such an offense can be called righteous anger, but even it does not justify the need to keep negative emotions inside oneself, much less hatch a plan for revenge.

At the basis of such resentment lies a certain internal benefit; a person is offended specifically in order to get it. In essence, this is resentment-manipulation. It is born from thoughts like these: “I am better than everyone and everyone should listen to me,” “Remember how you offended me? Don’t you want to atone for your guilt?”, “If you don’t do as I say, I’ll be offended and then it will be worse for you!”

1. Resentment as formal reaction. The conditions for the emergence of such resentment are dictated by the traditions and culture of society. From childhood, people learn what to be offended by and what not, “what is good and what is bad?” If a child gets used to being offended with or without reason, and at the same time is too proud, he grows up to be touchy. Sometimes, without feeling offended, people show it only because in this case it is customary to be offended.

There is only one universal remedy from any kind of offense - you need offense forgive for his own good, in order to preserve himself and regain spiritual comfort.

But whether it is worth maintaining a relationship with the offender is an ambiguous question. Sometimes offensive actions signal that the existing relationship is destructive and it is better to end it. In other words, sometimes you need not only to forgive, but also to let a person go.

Five Steps to Forgiveness

There is a lot of wisdom, strength and unconditional love. By forgiving, a person shows kindness, humanity, love for people and for himself. It is precisely, and first of all, out of self-love that you need to learn to forgive insults.

It is easy to talk about forgiveness, but it is difficult to forgive. Sometimes it seems that everything has passed and been forgotten, but at the slightest opportunity, memories are born again in the head and provoke resentment. How to forgive once and for all?

First of all To be able to forgive, you need to want it. And this means putting aside self-esteem, stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop manipulating and using “privileges” offended person, stop beating yourself up and justifying your “righteous anger.”

Secondly, you need to think about those negative consequences that resentment entails:

• constant stress, internal anger, indignation, pity, depression and a lot of other negativity;
• deterioration or breakdown of relationships, prolonged conflicts, quarrels, etc.;
• health problems (decreased immunity, heart problems, thyroid problems, headaches).

Having realized the harm that resentment can cause, it is easier to let it go and decide to continue enjoying life.

Third, the desire to forgive requires a change in attitude towards the offender as an enemy or villain to a more humane one. You need to try to find or come up with an excuse for the offender. The offended person has no right to judge and decide the fate of the offender; revenge and lynching are unacceptable. There are relevant government bodies to establish fairness and justice. In all other cases, faith in higher justice will come to the rescue.

Fourth, analyze the offense according to the “expectations - real events- comparison." What did you want? What's happened? What about the offender’s behavior did not meet expectations and did not please?

Reflecting on these questions will help you discern your selfishness, mistakes, and the root causes of resentment; understand yourself and, most importantly, understand what needs to be changed in yourself, your behavior, thoughts, attitudes in order to no longer be offended in such a situation.

Fifthly, learn a life lesson from a situation of resentment. By understanding grievances, you can help yourself cope with psychological problems. Perhaps the situation of resentment arose precisely because it was time to understand yourself and work on yourself? Perhaps the offender and the situation of offense only served as an indicator that exposed difficulties and pointed to the path of development?

There are many techniques and techniques that help you forgive the offender and let go of the situation of resentment.

There are also special exercises, helping to let go of grievances. Here are some of them:

Also helping to forgive grievances:

• affirmations, prayer, meditation - any words and actions that contain an attitude of forgiveness;
• humor, the ability to make fun of an insult;
• an example of other people who managed to forgive an offender in a similar situation.

The smaller the resentment and the “fresh” it is, the easier it is to get rid of it on your own. In more difficult cases when the resentment is too great, it is no longer just a feeling, but psychological trauma. If the resentment has accumulated over a long period of time, is too severe and so complex that you cannot cope with it on your own, you should seek help from a psychologist.

Read psychological literature about resentment:

1. Yu. Morozyuk, S. Morozyuk “10 steps of healing from resentment. Workshop on the development of sanogenic thinking”
2. A. Wheaton “Without fear, anger and resentment. Learning to forgive”
3. I. Vagin “Anger, resentment, revenge and betrayal”
4. T. Zinkevich-Evstigneeva, D. Frolov “It’s better to light a candle than to scold the darkness, or How a good person can avoid being offended”
5. H. E. Runkel, J. Runkel