Comic horoscope by year of birth. Playful horoscope: how zodiac signs get offended
Nowadays it is hardly possible to find a person who has not read horoscopes. But in our age of science, not everyone trusts astrology, although in many ways it turns out to be accurate. But the funny characteristics of the zodiac signs may well interest even the most hardened skeptics. You can pass the time by reading humorous horoscopes, have fun in company, and even learn the basics of astrology. A light humorous form, aptly emphasizing the main qualities of each sign, is quite helpful in this interesting matter.
Aries
All cool characteristics The signs of the zodiac agree on one thing: you won’t be able to find a more stubborn debater than this capricious and stubborn lamb.
Aries hates everyday routine, but he will be happy to hang around and give out his innovative ideas incessantly. It's almost impossible to force him to do something he doesn't want to do. But there is one little trick. Say that the other person will do it better. At this point, Aries will smash itself into pieces to prove its leadership and superiority.
The fiery nature of Aries is marked by the funny characteristics of the zodiac signs. In terms of the time that this person is willing to spend on conquering the object of his passion, he has no equal. A ram, he is also a ram in Africa, going straight through the jungle. Aries in this matter can even be called a rocket - he acts instantly, assertively, and it is simply unrealistic to get rid of his advances. “You are attractive, I am damn attractive, so why waste time” - this is his motto in love.
Taurus
Here he is, a worthy competitor to Aries in terms of stubbornness. This will be confirmed to you not only by ordinary horoscopes, but also by any funny characteristics of the zodiac signs. Moreover, to the enviable tenacity comes as a “bonus” fierce conservatism. Try to get a Taurus to throw out some of the outdated household trash and you will understand. Whether it’s a damaged CD, a notebook left over from school, or torn sneakers, it doesn’t matter. For him, all these things are valuable. And Taurus are also terrible bores: listening to their endless teachings, you can not only fall asleep, but also snore.
Representatives of this constellation are closed individuals. It's easier to talk to a wall than to talk to a Taurus. At least you'll hear a hum when you knock on it. In the case of Taurus, the afterlife silence and ringing silence will remain.
Taurus's attitude towards love is the same as towards things - than more money and the time he spent pursuing you, the more valuable you will be to him. And don’t expect originality in courtship - Taurus’s conservatism also extends to amorous matters.
Twins
They are easy in deeds and thoughts. The twins are from that breed of people who will advocate “for any kind of kipish, except for a hunger strike.” As noted by the funny characteristics of the zodiac signs, in terms of date of birth and character, these individuals fully correspond to eccentric individuals who have things running through their heads. the whole company winds.
Gemini's love of chatter is truly catastrophic for those who are not Geminis themselves. They can not stop talking for many hours, completely oblivious to the reactions of others. It seems that even at his own wake, Gemini will rise from the coffin and tell the fainting guests an appropriate joke on the topic.
The laziness of these individuals is as legendary as their conversational skills. Due to the reluctance to delve into a topic and study it for a long time, they superficially describe this or that phenomenon, picking up a little of everything. The ideal profession for them is one that will help them earn a million instantly and without unnecessary movements. Oh yes, Geminis need a lot of money, because they spend it as easily and naturally as they chat on the phone.
Cancer
The natures are intelligent, soft and romantic, even if they look like a stale loaf, a brutal lout or an uncouth hillbilly. When watching non-children's films of an erotic nature, they always secretly hope that in the end the main characters will get married.
A funny characterization of the zodiac signs compares Cancers to their namesakes from the animal world. Like them, representatives of this constellation, if they take a careful step forward, then immediately run back. They are indecisive types who, because of their caution, are afraid to even change - you never know what’s on the other person’s mind.
It is undesirable to joke sparklingly in the presence of Cancer, because these people are sentimental and can get upset even because of light humor directed at them or their loved ones. Satire about animals is a strict taboo. They would rather survive an earthquake and tsunami than endure dark humor about unfortunate dogs and cats. You should also joke about love affairs more carefully and preferably in a romantic way - then Cancer will tell the story that amused him to everyone for a long time.
a lion
The one and only He is proud and majestic, even if he finds himself locked in a zoo cage. The wild cries of nearby animals do not interest him - he is an important person and demonstrates this in every possible way. If we consider the main characteristics of the zodiac signs, the funny description highlights the royalty of this person, whose arrogance, it seems, no trouble can knock down.
What is good for Leo himself is not very fun and pleasant for his loved ones, because he requires treatment worthy of his status. In his opinion, those around him should be glad that His Highness is nearby. The lion's aura is capable of eclipsing everything around with its radiance, painting even a muddy swamp with all the colors of the rainbow.
However, sometimes the whirlpool of events that Leo generates around himself may end up with something completely different from what he would like. What can you do, such is the strength of the royal will. Do you want to recognize a Leo in your environment? Listen to the manner of conversation: the use of the pronoun “I” by this type will exceed all possible limits. Not such a bad quality in our age for a person who wants to make a dizzying career, would you agree?
Virgo
A true proof that appearances can be deceiving are the representatives of this constellation. It would seem that when we hear the word “virgin,” our imagination pictures us of a sweet, fragile and vulnerable creature who sits at home doing needlework. Astrologers who compose the characteristics of the zodiac signs disagree with this idea. The funny irony of fate is that in reality things are “a little” different. Instead of a sensitive friend who supports Hard times, a comrade-in-arms in all endeavors, Virgo can easily turn out to be... serial killer. Yes, yes, statistics claim that most maniacs were born under this zodiac sign (what else can you expect from such neat and tidy people?).
Your ability to adapt to environment and always be emphatically polite and a correct person, Virgo can easily use it to achieve the desired goal. Before you even have time to blink an eye, she’s already sitting right hand from the director. But he will never show sympathy to the object of his love until he is convinced of the reciprocity of feelings and prospects. But then, even having received a refusal, he will wait patiently: suddenly something will change.
Scales
Whatever the funny characteristics of the zodiac signs, over the years and months they all precisely determine one thing: this sign fully lives up to its name. Libra people are constantly in search of mental balance, and therefore do not pay any attention to the material world. Let someone else handle the solution everyday problems, be it cooking, washing or cleaning, but Libra has more sublime things to do.
People of this sign are always thrown in different directions. Having quickly caught fire with a new idea, they will throw all available resources into making it happen. They will involve a lot of people and create an event of national scale, but halfway through they will get tired of it all. They will quietly move away, leaving others to clean up the mess they have made.
Libra's inconstancy also extends to love affairs. Moreover, this state is so familiar to them that after betrayal they will not even be tormented by their conscience. They are not at all attempting to destroy the family, but they are having an affair. This means they are worthy of forgiveness.
Scorpion
These are real poisonous infections. Funny characteristics of the zodiac signs in poetry and prose glorify their ability to break the hearts of everyone who comes within sight. We need to be grateful for this natural charm Scorpios and their ability to seduce. This sign has the ability to constantly fall in love with someone, and every time “to the grave.” The object of attention will immediately be confronted with this fact. It’s unlikely that you will be able to get away from Scorpio’s original advances, and you won’t even want to - he is a subtle psychologist and will certainly be able to find a path to the heart of his beloved (or lover).
Scorpios are leaders from birth and are smart beyond their years. If a representative of this sign has chosen a goal for himself, then no matter how difficult it is to achieve, he will go towards it with fundamental stubbornness. And even if you have to destroy everything that gets in your way, this will not stop Scorpio. But build new world after the chaos caused, he will be just as enthusiastic.
Sagittarius
People of this zodiac sign always achieve their goals, even if this does not happen right away. A funny description of the zodiac signs advises looking at their symbol: everything will immediately become clear. Only if others get what they want thanks to perseverance and hard work, Sagittarius is helped in this by a fair wind, which directs the fired arrows exactly to the bull's eye.
By nature, Sagittarians are true philanthropists. They are always trying to take pity on everyone and feed the suffering (and it doesn’t matter what the recipients themselves think). Their motto is “who else but me?” Employers take advantage of this. Well, Sagittarius won’t mind if you load him with a lot of work. You just need to hint that it is very important for the company that everything gets done. And how exactly - Sagittarius himself will be able to find a way.
But you shouldn’t openly offend Sagittarius. No, they are not vindictive at all, just evil, and they have an excellent memory. They will remind you of all the misunderstandings starting with kindergarten. And, in general, they will easily speak the truth to your face, at the risk of getting punched in your own face.
Capricorn
This is a pendulum man who always balances between two extremes, as stated by the funny characteristics of the zodiac signs. Children of this sign are characterized by adult seriousness and thoroughness. Capricorn does not part with these qualities even in old age. He throws himself headlong into work, as if into a pool, and it will be simply unrealistic to get him out. He will spend all his soul and physical strength even for a task that is obviously impossible. However, if Capricorn is impatient to go on a spree, then he will devote himself completely to this activity, having uncontrollable fun until complete degradation. It is possible to save him from a sad fate only if he manages to divert attention to something more interesting.
Capricorns are incorrigible pessimists. If he is convinced that everyone around him is a creeping bastard who has come to success over his head or through his bed, then even if he has a stake on his head, he still won’t be convinced.
Aquarius
Verbose spills out of Aquarius like water from a tap. If anyone is able to withstand this flow for a long time and even be an interesting conversationalist, it’s Gemini. Perhaps we can still argue who will talk to whom in the end.
Love for Aquarius is, first of all, romance: walks under the moon, seeing the dawn. Get ready to conquer ancient ruins shrouded in secrets with him - this is an indispensable attribute of courtship for him. According to the cool characteristics of the zodiac signs, such a person has no equal in poetry and serenades. Aquarius women are accustomed to following the dictates of their hearts. If it tells you that you should be together, wait for her on the doorstep with your suitcases.
What do Aquarians value most? Of course, They are ready to build a three-meter wall around themselves, as long as no one touches them, if they want to be alone. And no siege will help - Aquarius has made the necessary supply of cookies and will live for a long time and not bother in his cozy little world.
Fish
If anyone is capable of creating an alternative fictional reality out of nothing for themselves and those around them, it is Pisces. Moreover, for them the fantasy world will be as real as our usual one. They can easily convince anyone of this. Baron Munchausen, for example, according to the characteristics of the zodiac signs, is an inexperienced and timid fry, a faded egg.
Ask this person for anything - to water flowers in your absence, to write a diploma for you - he will certainly hurt himself, but will fulfill the request. He's such an altruist, there's nothing you can do about it. In love, Pisces are shy and cautious; they will beat around the bush for a long time before taking a step forward. “Vanilla” is about them: sad sighs, touching gifts, awkwardness and tears at night, and, most importantly, all thoughts are only about him (or about her). So if you are ready to take the Pisces who is in love with you and lead her by the elbow in the right direction (and then kick her forward for the rest of her life), go for it.
Sometimes you have to step away from serious reality and accept all life circumstances with a huge amount of humor. There are categories of people who are not offended. Please do not take such frivolous things seriously. begins his humorous march.
Astrologer's advice: Different level and the quality of a person’s education greatly affects the way in which various qualities are manifested. The upbringing of people also makes its mark on the characteristics various properties behavior.
Aries. A ram is also a ram in Africa. He is confident that he is right, he always knows what it costs, and arguing with him is at your own loss. Rams (in the sense of Aries) are very honest herd animals. If someone looks bad, he will say so directly. IN real life He is of little use, but he gives advice to everyone. Free, at that.
Astrologer's advice: It happens that there is a rare opportunity to completely correct your personal life in good side, is given only once in a lifetime. Don't miss it - order it and find out how soon luck will be in your hands!
Calf. Typical cuckold. The other half of him tries very hard for him to maintain his brand. He has a lot of stubbornness, he is boring and greedy, but serious because he thinks for a long time. His health is excellent. He doesn’t like new people, and can’t stand old ones, but he loves his friends, and not only artiodactyls.
Twins. Twin brothers just have different fathers. This is about them. Left hemisphere The brain of this sign always contradicts the right. Light, ephemeral and airy, they cannot finally decide on the choice of their soulmate: everything is not theirs, and everything is not right. But they are fun and interesting.
Astrologer's advice: Note that for detailed characteristics, it is necessary to correct the information taking into account the date, time and place of birth. Refined data will help you better understand yourself or understand other people.
Cancer. The second syllable of the word "fool". Although, however, this is not about him. Disgusting and cowardly, suspicious and annoying. A drunkard and a philosopher - that's all about him. He makes friends with Taurus and Virgo and talks with them about the end of the world. And they tolerate him out of pity.
A lion. Maybe I'll get a kick out of this comic horoscope according to zodiac signs. Kill - it won’t kill, but there will be a lot of roar. He is so selfish that he believed in the inviolability of his royal person. The weapon against him is sweet flattery. Atomic bomb I'm powerless here.
Astrologer's advice: We invite you to look at horoscopes for the month and year for all zodiac signs. The forecast will help you make the right decisions on any issues. Interesting and useful. Go to .
Virgo. She is very fond of law and order and woe to anyone who breaks them. He'll knock right away. But she is useful in housekeeping: she can wash and clean. So, you can live with her, but not for long - she will plague you with her pedantry and neatness.
Scales. These are great aesthetes who, putting clean socks and freshly brewed coffee on one cup, will choose the second option. They often get sick and if anyone wants to work as a vest or a nurse, then you are welcome!
Astrologer's advice: In order to comprehend and better understand the character and qualities of a zodiac sign, you need to get to know it from many sides and the category will help you with this.
Scorpion. Sexually preoccupied, hysterical egoist. He loves money even more than himself, but he doesn’t steal it, he earns it. Loves to do minor mischief and cause serious problems. Similar to Ram, only waterfowl.
Sagittarius. He is always right, this is an axiom. And if he is wrong, then this is a theorem. A sociable and cheerful centaur, shooting at hearts left and right. Whoever is not his friend yet, let him get in line.
Astrologer's advice: The eastern horoscope also has a strong impact on the resource inherent in people at birth. You can read more on our resource in the category.
Capricorn. He works a lot, and not with his horns and hooves, but with his head and hands. Woe to those who perceive Capricorn as the darling and soul of the company. He loves to butt heads, don't get into trouble.
Aquarius. I can’t give anything good advice to myself, but to others, please! Prison is his second home, because his relationship with the law does not work out. He is afraid of only one thing - old age.
Astrologer's advice: Relationships between loved ones often depend on the constellation of birth. Compatibility of signs is an educational section in astrology. You can find out about the relationship in the section -.
Fish. Complete comic horoscope according to zodiac signs. What can you do, this is their fate - to drag along behind everyone all their lives. Where should they go? They are not interested in money, but in the aquarium they will be fed anyway. For free.
Aries is always pleased with himself, which is reflected on his face. He rarely thinks, says and does the same thing. Usually he does everything wrong, but just dare to tell him about it. Then you will regret that you were born. The stubbornness of Aries is legendary, and not surprisingly, a ram, he is a ram.
If he gets stubborn, you won’t budge him. He always has two opinions on all events and phenomena, one is his, the other is incorrect. Aries says that he is never wrong, and therefore he believes that God was most likely an Aries.
Aries are as stubborn in love as in everything else. And if he seeks someone’s favor, he does it until the object of his passion gets tired of refusing him. And when he achieves the favor of his partner, he himself does not know why he needed it.
During the siege (it lasts a very long time), the object loses its attractiveness for him. Those who fall in love with Aries should only be pitied.
In the family, Aries loves to point things out, but does not want to do anything. And there is no way to move him from such a convenient position for him.
Cheerful horoscope for Taurus
Taurus is very stubborn, in this he is similar to Aries. Only someone who admires Taurus, tells him that he is always right, and, meanwhile, passing off his ideas as the ideas of Taurus, can convince him. Taurus women are very emotional and trusting.
About our love relationships she only speaks in superlatives. And if a man tells her that he can’t live without her, she really believes it.
Taurus men are hoarders and hoarders. They drag into the house everything they can get their hands on: old household appliances, broken furniture, a woman they don’t need. And then they wonder why the house is so cramped and noisy (the noise is from a woman who also cannot understand why she was brought here).
Taurus are very fond of various conflicts and gladly take the most ardent part in them, without being interested in the cause of the conflict. And when they find out the reason for the showdown, they beat themselves in the chest and say: “Oh my, what nonsense they fought over!”
Fun horoscope for Gemini
Geminis are two very similar people rolled into one. Since they are very similar, this irritates them and they argue all the time. If one says, “I want this woman,” the other will definitely object, “What do you need this slut for?” And as a result, the Gemini man chooses another, and then wonders, “What did I find in her?”
Gemini women are contradictory and fickle in their passions. They change men so often that sometimes they don’t even have time to remember the name of the next partner. And in order not to completely get confused in the names of their counterparts, they call everyone the same “my Hercules,” until the next lover turns out to be a short, skinny man.
He, of course, takes this treatment as ridicule. IN Everyday life Geminis are very indecisive. Can't accept it quickly the right decision, because one Gemini pulls in one direction, the other (out of spite) in the other. And it turns out, as in the immortal work of V.I. Lenin "One step forward, two steps back."
Fun horoscope for Cancer
Cancers are very cowardly and timid. They are constantly afraid that they will be accused of something, so they try to please everyone and make a bunch of impossible promises to everyone. They speak mainly in slogans and stereotypes, so that others do not suspect them of having any ulterior motives.
Crayfish lie without blushing (red crayfish are only boiled) and very inventively. It’s not for nothing that there are so many Cancers among politicians.
In love, Cancers are very careful, meticulously and carefully choosing a partner for themselves, even for life, even for the night. They rummage and sort through, like in the ruins of a second-hand store.
And when friends are surprised by such a long search for their loved one: “Are you choosing a cow?”, Cancers thoughtfully answer: “You can sell a cow, but you can suffer with this (this) all your life (night).
At work, Cancers are sycophants and sycophants, their bosses are gods and celestial beings, but if the opportunity arises (and it is safe for Cancer), they will gladly trip up their beloved boss.
Cheerful horoscope for Leo
The lion is in nature the king of beasts. People zodiac sign Leo never forgets about this. They are arrogant, selfish, always confident in their superiority and do not tolerate the opinions of others. You will be the most best friend Leo, if you constantly flatter him and praise his virtues.
Leos love to hang their portraits on the walls, and the larger the images, the better.
Leo women are like female spiders" black widow“If they don’t destroy their chosen one immediately after a night of love, then they gnaw at him for the rest of his life, or until the partner has enough patience.
Leo men love only themselves; they are simply not capable of loving anyone else. Therefore, they choose women who know only two words “yes” and “I obey.”
Cheerful horoscope for Virgo
If your zodiac sign is Virgo, then your loved ones and friends are terribly unlucky. You are obsessed with order, scrupulousness and cleanliness. Virgos are extremely neat and methodical. The need to tidy up and clean turns into a passion for them. If you get up from a chair or sofa in Virgo’s apartment, she immediately begins to smooth out the cape and shake off non-existent dust from it.
If Virgo falls into a small car accident, then the first thing she says to the approaching inspector about the second participant in the accident: “It’s no wonder that this teapot got into an accident, look how dirty his car is!”
A mandatory item in Virgo's house is a magnifying glass. With its help, she examines all the furnishings in the house, thus looking for dust particles.
Virgo also strictly plans her love relationships; meetings and sex with her partner occur according to schedule.
Cheerful horoscope for Libra
Libra is languid and graceful and full of incomprehensible mystery and nobility that is not understood by the rest of humanity. They love to dress fashionably and pay close attention to fashion. Their desire to look fashionable is so great that if someone assures them that it is fashionable: Libra women will put on a skirt inside out, and men will wear a shirt instead of trousers and tie it in a knot at the waist.
Libras love to teach everyone and explain everything to everyone. For example, with tenacity worthy best use, they will tell you the difference between a latte and coffee with milk. And it is useless to object to them that these are one and the same thing.
In love, Libra is mysterious and unpredictable. Sometimes the chosen one (chosen one) of Libra cannot understand what the Libra partner is trying to say. Either he invites you to an intimate date, or he says goodbye forever.
Cheerful horoscope for Scorpio
Scorpios consider themselves irresistible individuals; they can spend hours looking in the mirror and admiring themselves. They are great inventors and are always full of grandiose plans, but as soon as it comes to putting these plans into practice, they stop at the very first difficulties, saying, “I didn’t really want to.”
Scorpios are very loving and indecently sexual. They are proud of their love victories and talk about it on every corner. There’s just one small nuance: Scorpio men like those women, looking at whom other men say: “No, I can’t drink that much vodka,” and Scorpio women choose for themselves such chosen ones, about whom you can say that they just got off the hook yesterday. trees or crawled onto land.
Cheerful horoscope for Sagittarius
Sagittarians are such adventurers that being around them is simply dangerous. They may invite you to jump with a parachute, assuring you that they have done it a hundred times and will even offer to fold your parachute. Never agree, otherwise their satisfied face will be the last thing you see in your life.
Don’t even think about introducing your chosen one, if it’s a Sagittarius, to your parents. The ancestors will be shocked.
Sagittarians are careless and unfaithful lovers. Having parted with you in the evening, assuring you of his passionate love, in the morning he may simply not remember about you.
Cheerful horoscope for Capricorn
Capricorns are a peculiar mixture of Leo and Virgo. They believe that they are as charismatic as Leos and as logical as Virgos. In fact, they have the self-importance of Leo and the sadness of Virgo.
Capricorns are terrible workaholics, but they work with such a gloomy and dull look that you just want to tell them: “Put on a different face, a little more cheerful.”
In love, Capricorns are pessimists. His chosen one (chosen one) can prove his love a hundred times, but Capricorn is firmly convinced that he will certainly be abandoned. What happens most often is that the partner gets tired of fighting with the universal despondency of Capricorn.
Cheerful horoscope for Aquarius
Aquarians are the most “knowledgeable” people in the world. Ask Aquarius what Nadezhda Krupskaya was sick with as a child or what stars the constellation Sagittarius is made up of, and he will tell you with a smart look and in great detail about everything.
Aquarians love their body very much, they love to be naked, and therefore they are very willing to visit nudist beaches.
Aquarians are wonderful lovers, and if you constantly listen to them, agree with everything and admire their extensive knowledge, Aquarius will love you like Romeo.
Cheerful horoscope for Pisces
Pisces are very vengeful creatures, God forbid you offend this sign. Outwardly, they will not show that they are offended, but you will subsequently regret for a long time that you offended Pisces.
Pisces are very slow in everything, and they are also drivers. If you see a car driving along the highway at a speed of 40-50 km per hour, be sure that a representative of this sign is driving.
In love, Pisces are cold and predictable; they are said to be “dead fish.” But they consider themselves almost Scorpios in love relationships.
According to eastern horoscope, 2018 a year will pass under the aegis of yellow dog. A comic horoscope for 2018 will tell you what to expect different signs zodiac from animal.
Comic horoscope for 2018 for Aries
It's time for all Aries to put work on the backburner and say to themselves: “Hello, rest!” These guys worked really hard in the Year of the Rooster, it’s time to take a break and devote themselves to other areas of activity. Get yourself in order, powder your nose, take your significant other on your arm - and go ahead and look for adventures. Fortunately, as the comic horoscope for 2018 predicts, the Yellow Dog is ready to forgive you everything.
Attention! Don’t forget about your loved ones, they also need your attention - you can’t spend all your time in a stuffy office and with boring colleagues.
Definitely, next year Aries is the center of the Universe, the world revolves around you. But be careful with fans: there is a risk that someone will want to steal your heart seriously and for a long time. Don’t try to dive headlong into feelings. A dog will not help a drowning person, so remain vigilant.
Comic horoscope for 2018 for Taurus
Taurus, are you ready to lose your head? As the comic horoscope 2018 predicts according to the zodiac signs, the Year of the Dog is preparing something mind-blowing for you; quickly hide your horns, otherwise you may scare the animal. It's time to leave your slowness for later and get used to the frantic rhythm, so that you don't have to wait long for the desired results of your scams.
Millions of praise and flattering words will be addressed to the representatives of the sign, no criticism, only charm. What can we say about luck, it will be all next year hold Taurus by the arm and accompany you at all important events.
About eternal mutual love dreamed? And here! The dog has already managed to prepare for Taurus a meeting with their other half. Looking forward to sweet taste future 2018? It's about time!
Comic horoscope for 2018 for Gemini
The comic horoscope for 2018 according to the signs states that it is time to gather all the will and strength into a fist and start changing your life. Hey, Gemini, stop lying on the couch and waiting for something to change, get up quickly and get rid of all the unnecessary junk and bad thoughts. The dog has prepared a lot for the representatives of the sign good opportunities for self-realization. Stay positive, change is just around the corner.
If you think about something for a long time, you can end up in the soup, as happened in the story with the rooster. Don't waste time, more action - less talk. And the Dog, for his good efforts, will help Gemini experience the taste of true bliss. And if love is long-term, no more five-minute crushes on public transport, under the auspices of the Dog only in the registry office.
Comic horoscope for 2018 for suspicious Cancers
Cancers were too mysterious and depressive, and the Dog came to change everything. Successes and new opportunities will fall into your claws themselves; all you have to do is grab them tightly and not let go. After all, the Yellow Dog doesn’t give everything for nothing, so it’s time for representatives of the sign to break stereotypes and change their life principles; after all, the 21st century is just around the corner.
According to the comic horoscope for 2018, the Dog has prepared a sweet surprise for persistent and obedient Cancers in relationships. Tired of loneliness? Be ready to meet that very person who will gracefully enter your life and share your interests. Don't claw, otherwise you'll scare everyone around you.
Comic horoscope for 2018 for Leo
No matter what Leos do, things don’t work out? And all because, according to the comic horoscope, in 2018 you should put aside your excessive pride, and then the Yellow Dog will reward the representatives of the sign with worthy fruits. Popularity, excessive attention and many fans will fall on Leo’s shoulders like snow. However, this is not new for Leos, because they are used to basking in the rays of glory.
With their chic and lush mane, Lions will conquer more than one lonely heart; the prey itself will fall into the clutches of the king of beasts. You just need to reconsider your relationships with your loved ones; they are unlikely to like your wild ardor and pride, and the Yellow Dog also does not like selfish people.
Comic horoscope for Virgo
In 2018, the comic horoscope recommends that Virgos discard their mask of an unfortunate victim, otherwise the Dog may simply pass you by. From January itself, take matters into your own hands and begin to work fruitfully both on yourself and on your well-being, because this month will decide the outcome of the entire next year. The Dog will reward diligent Virgos with all the blessings and boundless happiness.
But in love it is worth observing complete peace: there will be no end to the fans, the main thing is to choose worthy candidate for a future together.
Comic horoscope for Libra
In 2018, it’s time for representatives of the sign to forget about their own impulsiveness, but watch their speech. Inadvertently spoken words addressed to your superiors, work colleagues or loved ones can have a bad impact on your reputation, and the Dog will not be able to pull you out of the fog of reproaches.
The dog advises you to listen to what Libra is saying. Not always Nice words sound sincere, be careful. Communicate only with those who pull you forward, and not to the deep dark bottom. And stop weighing everything so carefully, otherwise you will be left with nothing, while your neighbor is already purchasing a new car.
Comic horoscope for Scorpios
The comic horoscope for 2018 for all signs promises Scorpios incredible wealth, love and good luck, if representatives of the sign stop stinging everyone. Energy will flow like a river, inspiring Scorpios to do new things and crazy things. These guys will get what they want career growth at any cost, even if you have to stick out your sting.
Carefully! Don't joke with Scorpios!
It’s time for representatives of the sign to melt their selfish hearts and show sensitivity, because without this, the Dog will not be able to help maintain harmony in their personal lives. Forget about narcissism, otherwise the patroness of the year may accidentally forget about you.
Comic horoscope for Sagittarius
What reward can Sagittarius expect in 2018? Of course, “Adviser of the Year”, because the wisdom of these guys is simply off the charts. They are ready to help anyone, for this the Dog certainly will not remain indifferent to the representatives of the sign. However, while helping others, you should not forget about yourself. Other people's problems are someone else's, but it's time to worry about your own too.
Success in the financial sector is inevitable, you can safely change jobs and throw banknotes left and right - but be careful. Parties, unbridled fun and a lot of entertainment await Sagittarius, but don’t forget about sleep: with bags under your eyes, you may not notice the love of your life walking somewhere nearby.
Comic horoscope for Capricorns
In 2018, point your horns towards your goals: great success is close and any obstacles can be jumped over.
Forget about melancholy and boredom, the Dog has something to please the representatives of the sign - this is success both in finances and in personal life.
Cupid is already aiming straight at your heart and will shoot at it in 2018. Capricorns will drown in an ocean of love and attention, what else is needed for happiness? These guys know how to love and deserve love forever. Even if not, don’t be upset, any relationship is also an experience.
Comic horoscope for Aquarius
Who knows, these guys know how to spill water. And in 2018 they will be ready to pour out a stream of their endless ideas and creative impulses to the broad masses, and all thanks to the Dog with her inspiration for the representatives of the sign. It is better to take action and direct the stream of water in the right direction, then the result will be appropriate.
The eastern patroness also prepares surprises for Aquarius in their personal lives. A waterfall of love and passion will completely cover the representatives of the water element, just don’t forget to breathe so as not to lose your mind. And stop being so jealous, it's time to learn to trust your soulmate.
Comic horoscope for Pisces
2018 is the most favorable year for Pisces, in order to finally leave their usual aquarium and move to other water spaces. After all, as long as you can sit in one place, swim around and around, boldly swim forward and swim faster to your goals, and the Yellow Dog only accompanies these actions.
All the sea treasures will be yours as soon as you decide to go out into the world and conquer others. But for single Pisces, the coming year 2018 is simply ideal for dizzying novels, perhaps long-term ones. Be prepared, Cupid won't miss.
Comic horoscope for 2018 for schoolchildren and children
The comic horoscope for children for 2018 has prepared something very special - homework, of course, not the same as school, but also important. All children of the zodiac signs should be more active both in school life and extracurricular activities. Then good grades will flow like a river, and there will be sweets not only on holidays.
Get creative and improve school processes, automatic cheat sheet scattering or a new cheating technique will also work. But at the same time, study, study, study - and praise will fall on your young shoulders, and then, look, gold medals are close. Be careful, otherwise you will have to wash the floor and wipe the dust in the classroom all year.
Comic horoscope in verse for 2018
Let's start with Aries for a comic horoscope in verse for 2018
These guys don't care
When do Taurus people know how to relax?
And only the best is selected.
And with Gemini you will never get bored,
They are always the soul of the company.
Cancers will spend a year without adversity,
They will devote time to love all the time.
And Leos with their beautiful words
Ready to conquer anyone.
Happiness will knock on the Virgos' house,
The dog will come rushing with good news.
Many wonderful hours await
In the year of the Dog of wise Libra.
It is better for Scorpios to hide their sting,
So as not to annoy Fortune.
And it’s time for Sagittarius to forget
About despondency and everyday life.
Note to Capricorns:
Don't swear incessantly.
Aquarians act more boldly
Grab your lucky chance faster.
But Pisces will have to
Live a year without sorrows and grievances.
Diversify family celebration and corporate events will be helped by horoscopes drawn up in a humorous way. With this kind of entertainment you can give good mood to everyone present and make a “good forecast” for the coming year.
It so happened that modern man very superstitious. In pursuit of a good life, prosperity, respected position and family happiness, he often relies on the “will of the stars” and magic. And that's not bad at all!
Psychologically setting yourself up for good changes c, it is quite possible to achieve victories in everyday life! The main thing is to believe and make efforts. A comic horoscope, unlike a regular one, is drawn up in a humorous form.
Such astrological forecast may be in prose or written in verse. Poems, by the way, are more easily and positively perceived by people at an event, at any feast and at any holiday.
Feature of the humorous - gently hint about the shortcomings of a certain zodiac sign and “generously predict” good changes in the coming or coming year. Such “instruction” will definitely make every guest present smile and leave him with pleasant memories.
IMPORTANT: A comic horoscope, as a rule, is compiled on the basis of a real one, created by astrologers. But it is written more in clear language, in simple words and added with wishes.
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Aries men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
As they say, Aries is “still a ram.” And there is a share in this undeniable truth! Next year, Aries will be faced with a number of unpredictable situations that could confuse the “curly” ones. Be careful, don’t lean your horns into difficulties and try to overcome them! Being too stubborn is unlikely to help you achieve your desired goals. In the year of the Rat, Aries should relax a little and let the situation go, as they say, “with the flow.” This will allow you not only to relax, but to organize any business in such a way that it ends to your benefit!
For women:
If the Aries man is a “ram”, then the woman is a “baroness”. And this is not just a play on words! In the new year 2020, sheep women will be especially attractive and irresistible. Many of them will gain " woman's happiness", thanks to the tenacity and fury with which they will strive to achieve what they want. In addition, if you are an Aries woman and have any acting skills, the horoscope wants you to pretend to be stupid from time to time for the same good purposes!
In verse:
Aries is a sign of “stubbornness” and arrogance,
Every little thing pisses them off!
To make life “sweet”
Drink without reserve on this holiday!
Aries need a lot of space
So that the house is not crowded,
On the robot, in the garage
And of course in the shower!
Aries celebrates the New Year
With an open soul:
Let the “barn” be full,
There are oats and grass in the bins!
Horoscope wishes for Aries
Be calmer and more gentle
So that the soul is calm,
Life would be more fun!
Happy New Year for Aries
He will definitely come to the house,
A new broom of bad weather
It will sweep it up and carry it away!
Comical New Year's horoscope 2020 for Aries women and men: poems Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Taurus men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
In the new year, Taurus, like stubborn Aries, should“relax and slow down” a little. It is excessive tension and the desire to help everyone, everywhere and always, that destroys restless “bulls” and “chicks”, preventing them from getting the desired maximum from life. In the year of the Rat, Taurus will be especially vulnerable to difficulties and problems arising both on the love and professional fronts. In order for any outcome of the case to be positive and kind, do not hesitate to ask for help from loved ones. At the moment when life “shows a red rag” to Taurus, one should not accelerate and run to bright color, but close your eyes tightly and just let “things take their course.” And without you, Taurus, others will figure it out just fine!
For women:
Taurus women need to be in the new year be especially careful with the words spoken and expressed emotions. The fact is that the year of the Rat will allow the ladies of this Zodiac to be, so to speak, excited and not very mentally balanced. To avoid problems in relationships and at work, you need to “keep in check” your attacks of jealousy, rage and the desire to help everyone!
In verse:
Calm and peace to Taurus
I wish you a good horoscope,
So that life is easy and beautiful,
The problems “didn’t lead to death.”
More Taurus this year
The horoscope wishes you well,
So that there is a Porsche under the window,
So that there is a lump of dough under the mattress!
To Taurus on this New Year
Love and inspiration will come,
Fate will bring good luck,
Calm, peace!
Taurus is strong and powerful,
And into the new year our horoscope
Wishes only a better life,
May you be incredibly lucky!
In the New Year's horoscope
And Taurus has a prediction:
Those who are single and free,
They will find recognition in love!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Gemini men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Gemini is a special sign. Gathered in this sign put together several best qualities person: curiosity, prudence, wisdom, thirst for knowledge and development. Along with this, in the new year 2020 they should protect themselves from talkativeness, boasting and boringness. The horoscope advises Gemini to read, write, think more, but not speak out loud, otherwise the sign risks losing a number of important people in life. If you can’t talk about a new event, talk to the mirror or write!
For women:
There will be no Gemini for women in 2020 some special emotional outbursts, changes and fateful events. The Year of the Rat promises to be “fun” and full of pleasant little things: a new fur coat, a ring, a meeting with an old friend, who has also gained a lot over the past few years. Just live, as they say, “for yourself” and please your loved ones. Avoid gossip, and “bite your tongue” yourself if you want to retell the news you heard!
In verse:
Gemini, you are nonsense,
Refrain from sin!
Be quieter and wiser
To make life kinder!
The horoscope wishes you
Good-natured Geminis,
Eat a lot, listen more,
Don't talk about trifles!
New Year for Gemini:
Dear ladies and men,
Promises to be good.
Clap your hands loudly!
So that there is a lot of happiness,
Gemini is dear in the year
This one will be without barriers,
No problems, adversities, losses!
May Gemini this year
Having fun and frolicking.
May fate bring them
Lots of joy and happiness!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Cancer men and women for the new year 2019-2020
For men:
For Cancer men, the Year of the Rat promises small, but very pleasant changes in life. Firstly, this is wealth, it will “flow into your hands” slowly but very confidently. Secondly, you risk meeting “your soulmate” in this world, if you haven’t already. “Crawl out of your shell” more often, don’t be afraid to communicate with people, don’t close yourself off from your loved ones, and 2020 will be a very interesting year!
For women:
Cancer women will finally have a chance in 2020 feel needed, important, loved. The main thing is not to lose calm, self-confidence and harmony between soul and body. Speaking about the body, it is worth noting that in the year of the Rat, Cancers will experience incredible emotional uplift and any illness, as well as depression, will not “catch on” and ruin your mood.
In verse:
Cancers, you're in luck!
This year is a happy one for you!
The horoscope wishes you,
To be desired and beautiful!
In this year, Cancers need to know in general:
Wealth is not hidden in chests or money.
Wealth hides in the soul, in family, in friends,
They will help in right time and they won’t let you go to waste!
Cancers will have incredible luck in 2020!
They will find peace, wealth and love.
They will meet happiness along the way many times!
There will be plenty of joy, food and wine!
Cancers can have fun
Sing loudly, joke, dance.
Happiness rushes towards them in the New Year,
To hug everyone!
Happy holiday, Cancer!
The New Year promises you everything:
Lots of happiness and reasons to cry
Only from joy and trifles!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Leo men and women for the new year 2019-2020
For men:
Male lions inspire fear by their very appearance and respect for all other zodiac signs. They have the same attitude towards life: they let someone close, they “sharpen their claws” about others. The New Year 2020 for Leo will be very successful and lucky. The Year of the Rat will completely obey Leo and bring him many pleasant emotions!
For women:
Women-Lionesses, like men, will have luck in literally everything in 2020: they will rise “ career ladder”, will meet a worthy man, gain health and be incredibly attractive. The Year of the Rat will bring “fatal pussies” a lot of profit, both in terms of “prey” and a new fur coat, boots, beads and earrings!
In verse:
2020 will be an easy year
It will be bright and happy!
He will bring health to the lions,
Inspiration and strength!
Leos will be pleasantly surprised
A successful year is coming for them!
In it they will “get drunk with happiness”
“Luck will come to their house.”
Fate promises all Leos and Lionesses
Good luck getting drunk this year
“Catch a star”, have luck,
And all victories without exception!
To lions, as rulers of the world,
The year wishes to be happy!
So that the house is full,
So that there is peace in your soul!
Horoscope wishes for Lionesses
To be real queens
And Leos have great wealth,
May life be simple and “smooth”!
Predictions for Leo Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Virgo men and women for the new year 2019-2020
For men:
As you know, Virgo men are real “narcissists”. That is why in 2020, the horoscope predicts many difficulties for them, primarily with the fact that they are not able to “understand and love their neighbor.” The Year of the Rat promises to be not easy, and in order to achieve the desired results, Virgo will have to, as they say, “press on the gas” and make every effort.
For women:
Virgo women will feel like real queens in 2020! Of course, all the grace will not just fall on them from the sky and in order to please themselves excellent results Whether professional or personal, it takes hard work and self-belief. Virgos should also begin to limit themselves in everything in 2019-2020: candy, gentlemen, spoken words. This will help you gain respect and recognition from others.
In verse:
Horoscope wishes for Virgos
Big and small victories!
Enter the New Year with confidence,
He will protect you from harm!
Seductive virgin beauties
The New Year will bring only joy!
Let life be the way you like it,
It will turn into sweetness for you!
To the wise and beautiful Virgos
New Year wishes boldly
Be successful in everything
And there was no reason for the troubles!
Virgos - zodiac sign,
New Year wishes you happiness!
So that goodness surrounds,
So that love does not disappear!
Smile wider, Virgos,
You are the happiest in the world!
There is no more beautiful person in this world
And throughout our entire planet!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Libra men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
In the new year 2020, Gemini men should devote time not only for self-development, but also for your appearance. Therefore, do not hesitate to get a membership to the gym, spa area or sauna. Being beautiful is not a sin! In addition, try to always be closer to your family, do not hesitate to be boring and intrusive, just show your interest in what is happening.
For women:
In the year of the Rat, women of the Libra sign will “fly in the clouds.” That is why they will often not be on time always and everywhere. In order for your affairs to go well and end with the desired outcome, you should stock up on perseverance and constantly “slap yourself on the cheeks” in order to return to reality. In the New Year, be sure to devote a lot of time to your beauty and health, and take care of your loved ones.
In verse:
Smile, all men,
If there is a Libra nearby.
These women are beautiful
Dream come true!
New Year will give Libra
There are many reasons to be happy.
He will leave it under the Christmas tree
Gifts, kisses and hugs!
Huge adventures for Libra
Will add a new year to life,
So that there are no disappointments,
He will bring you good luck!
The stars have now decided:
In the new fabulous year
Libra will receive strength as a gift,
Warmth, love, family comfort!
Libra has big changes
The likelihood of them is so high
All the best will happen without a doubt
Life will be bright and easy!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Scorpio men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Scorpio men will have to really try keep your thoughts and emotions in harmony with your body. This “poisonous” zodiac sign will be especially vulnerable and excited in 2019-2020. That is why you should refrain from scandals, quarrels and divorces. On the other hand, the year is very successful for making money, and therefore it is best to direct your energy to improving your financial condition.
For women:
Like men, Scorpio women in 2019-2020 They will be real “hysterics”. Ladies should very skillfully hide their real emotions and feelings so as not to spoil their relationships with everyone around them. The year promises many romantic and love encounters, which in turn does not interfere with Scorpio’s existing marriage.
In verse:
Scorpios are good:
Lots of money and soul!
The horoscope tells the sign
Just cry with happiness!
In the year 2020 to all Scorpios,
A lot of changes are coming:
In work, relationships and at home.
Try to avoid problems!
Scorpios urgently need
Lots of exciting changes.
Horoscope wishes friendship
Solve your problems!
For life to be successful,
Scorpios, try your best.
Horoscope wishes: tenderly
Smile at problems!
2020 is knocking on your door,
His time has now come.
Now good things will happen
Happy New Year with Scorpio!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Sagittarius men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Sagittarius men “risk” being lucky in the new year and happy, they have every chance for this. The main thing is not to lose your luck on the way to happiness. In the professional and personal spheres, everything will be very smooth and quite “even” - without losses and disappointments. Smile more at the world around you and everything will be fine!
For women:
Sagittarius women should definitely“catch luck by the tail”, and then hide it in yourself and not let it go. If ladies make an effort in the year of the Rat, they will definitely gain recognition, find true love and climb the career ladder high, high.
In verse:
“Let Sagittarius live well” -
Astrological forecast advises.
Let them rest body and soul,
Let them not shed hot tears in vain!
Heaven wishes for a Sagittarius man
Be a true champion of the ladies.
Let life not hit you in the face with a glove,
Give way to dreams and deeds!
Let Sagittarius' dreams come true,
Let your wishes come true!
Astrologers wish Sagittarius beauty,
Good luck, joy, love charm!
Sagittarians are the favorites of luck,
Let it be this way and not otherwise!
And the New Year will give into winter
To them happiness and happy love!
The stars predicted joy
A gift for all Sagittarius.
Life will be like sweetness for them,
Every day is cheerful and bright!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Capricorn men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
In the new year, Capricorn men should finally understand what they want in their life: love, family or a big career leap. Unfortunately, you won’t be able to get everything at once, and therefore all your efforts should be directed in only one direction. The year is good for searching for yourself, muse and space. However, if you fly too far, you risk losing touch with reality, that is, ruining your relationships with others.
For women:
Capricorn women will become real muses for their men, admirers and admirers. The year promises ladies to be filled with beauty, harmony and purity. Each representative of this zodiac sign “risks” falling in love completely by accident and very deeply. IN financially, Capricorns will be very vulnerable and wasteful.
In verse:
In the year 2020 Capricorns
The stars wish to be themselves,
Along your life paths
Walk with a happy destiny!
Lucky all Capricorns
Good comes to their house
Happy New Year,
There will be no trouble!
Luck and prosperity is knocking,
To the homes of all Capricorns in the New Year.
Let a good fairy tale happen
Dreams will not be a sweet dream!
Astrologers wish you harmony,
Find strength and love within yourself.
The year for Capricorns promises to be calm,
And the feelings will excite the blood!
Capricorns are incredibly lucky
The year will be pleasant and happy.
Men's pockets will be full,
Well, the women will turn out to be beautiful!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Aquarius men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
The New Year will be very calm for Aquarius men and measured. Practically, not a single event can disturb the peace of mind of men and prevent them from achieving their desired goals. In the personal life of Aquarius, there is an abundance of romantic meetings, tender feelings and only pleasant changes.
For women:
Women of this zodiac sign are quite frivolous., but at the same time romantic and dreamy. The Year of the Rat promises them abundance love adventures and only positive changes. But, at the same time, you should not “drown in the abyss of your dreams,” so as not to lose touch with reality.
In verse:
Aquarians will feel
Have fun, wait and believe,
What in their life is like in a fairy tale
Happiness will knock on the door!
For Aquarius, New Year is a favorite holiday,
He gives them the warmth of loved ones.
Astrologers promise you only joy,
Luck - it will just walk through your door!
Astrological predictions
They wish Aquarius to be wiser,
Make decisions with a smile in your heart,
May your dreams come true as soon as possible!
Horoscope wishes for Aquarius
A lot of bright, love joys,
So that the love in the soul does not fade away,
And my soul was as light as snow!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Pisces men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Pisces men will “swim calmly” all year round with the flow” and float past problems, failures and disappointments. This year strong half of humanity will definitely meet “their fish” and find family happiness. In the year of the Rat, don’t expect any strong “career ups”, but this is far from bad.
For women:
The main thing for Pisces women in the year of the Rat is not to look stupid and do not create too negative an impression of yourself. Be active and cheerful, laugh in the face of failures and problems. In your personal life, the year promises positive changes, for example, a new lover or a marriage proposal!
In verse:
Let Pisces sail to their luck
Happy new colorful year!
Let complex problems be solved,
And life will not throw Pisces into the frying pan!
Pisces are very silent
Pisces love silence.
Wishes for the New Year to Pisces
Horoscope “to catch your dream”!
So that Pisces have fun and joy,
Astrologers foretell them:
Relax, eat sweets,
The stars foretell love for you!
Video: “Comic Horoscope for 2020 for friends”
