What to do if a person is showing aggression. A person has become aggressive: why and what to do

Hello dear readers. In this article we will talk about what makes a person aggressive. You will find out what goals such a person pursues. You will become aware of how aggressiveness manifests itself. You will figure out how to communicate with these types of people.

Definition of concept and types

Aggression is a concept that implies the desire to cause some harm to the object at which aggression is directed. Manifestations of aggressiveness can be directed both at surrounding people, objects, and at the aggressor himself.

Aggression can be of the following types:

• straight;
• physical, such as beating and rape;
• verbal, for example, threat, slander;
• indirect, for example, malicious jokes;
• instrumental - a way to achieve a goal;
• emotional - a state of passion.

Let's look at what types of aggression there are.

1. Impulsive and controlled, depending on the state the person is in at the moment.
2. Involuntary, when there is no control over one’s actions and voluntary, when causing pain is an intentional action.
3. Situational aggression is also distinguished - it occurs under the influence of certain factors. When they are eliminated, anger disappears. Aggression as a character trait means a person is constantly angry.
4. Based on whether a person was able to achieve his goal by using aggression, a destructive and constructive state is distinguished. In the first case, such behavior brought only harm, in the second - success.

Pursued goals

Aggressive behavior can occur when a person has certain aspirations in life.

1. The desire to have power over other people, to force them to engage in behavior or actions that are pleasing to the aggressive individual. In particular, here we're talking about about moral violence against other people.
2. A way to make a special impression. When an aggressive personality appears in a team, it may cause fear in some, a desire for competition in others, and a desire for revenge in others.
3. A method of psychological release. When a person accumulates negative emotions throughout the day, an undesirable person comes to hand, on whom they manage to discharge the accumulated stress.
4. The desire for power. As we know, it is almost impossible to achieve this peacefully. You always have to go over your head and cause at least minimal harm to someone. People who want to dominate tend to be more aggressive than others. Males are most prone to this.
5. The desire to harm someone. Situations when there are individuals who deserve to behave aggressively with them, for example, provoked by the desire to take revenge for the pain caused. Aggression of this nature is characteristic of almost all people.
6. Method of self-defense. Some individuals behave too arrogantly and persistently; you shouldn’t stoop to their level, but in some situations it’s better to show your “teeth” so that you don’t get eaten.

You have become aware of the main goals for the emergence of an aggressive character. You need to understand that in some cases aggression is simply necessary. A society cannot survive unless people are hostile towards each other. Therefore, attempts to rid all people of aggression are doomed to failure. At least some individuals manage to avoid this.

Possible causes of aggression

Psychology identifies a number of factors that influence the development of aggression.

1. Instinct. Aggression affects a person’s ability to survive in difficult environmental conditions; it helps to fight for one’s own territory, fight for food resources, protect offspring, and increase the gene pool. The energy of aggression is produced in the human body, gradually accumulates, and over time breaks out. Each person has a certain line, crossing which leads to hostility in behavior. Aggression can also be a hereditary trait passed on from the hunters who were our ancestors. Naturally, such nature can become a stimulus for destruction, violence, and war. In this case, we are talking about the inevitable development of aggression and difficulties in controlling it.
2. The influence of adult example. When a child grows up and sees the example of his father or mother in front of him, he begins to imitate them in dressing and the way he conducts a conversation. Imitation of aggressive behavior also occurs. If a child regularly sees his parents arguing and shouting at each other, he believes that such behavior is normal.
3. Wrong parenting model. When adults are too demanding of their child, find fault with him or directly say that the child behaved aggressively towards other children, knew how to fight back, punish.
4. The result that arose due to the inability to self-actualize. When a person encounters any obstacle on the way to achieving what he wants, he involuntarily develops aggression, which can be directed at the environment and himself. And it’s good if such behavior happens rarely.
5. Family situation. For example, children who grow up without a father or mother may begin to behave aggressively towards other people. Another option is large families where confrontation arises between brothers and sisters. Also great importance has the ways in which parents punish children for misdeeds.

When answering the question why a person is aggressive, it is worth considering factors that can influence the occurrence of such behavior, aggravate it and make it destructive:

• features of upbringing;
• the situation in society;
• cultural features - for some, aggression is encouraged;
• Media that broadcast about violence, which leads to the belief that such a phenomenon is normal and increases the risk of developing an aggressive population.

Characteristic manifestations

Aggression is manifested by the following signs:

• physical violence;
• attempts to cause pain;
• mistrust and suspicion;
• self-flagellation;
• resistance;
• verbal negative expressions;
• physical violence.

Aggression manifests itself in human behavior. He:

• breaks furniture;
• slams the door;
• bites;
• breaks dishes;
• expressed in obscene words.

Features of communication with an aggressive person

Let's look at the rules on how to behave around a person experiencing aggression.

1. Learn to walk away from conflict situations. In this way, you can protect yourself from a number of reciprocal feelings. There is no need to be provoked or respond to aggression with open anger. In a situation where there is a confrontation with a dangerous person, it is better to flee altogether.
2. Adjustment. Sometimes it is worth using the “chameleon” effect. In such a situation, the chances of calm increase. The essence of this method is to tune in to the same wavelength as an aggressive opponent. You can also speak in a raised voice, but not express aggression directed at the person, gradually lowering the tone of the conversation.
3. Self-control. You need to be able to restrain yourself and not start throwing out aggression on the offender. Say to yourself that you are restrained, calm, and safe.
4. Think about the motives of the incident, why the aggressor behaves this way towards you. Be objective in your reflections; perhaps your actions provoked the person to do this.
5. Watch your body language. In such a situation, be as open as possible, stay straight, avoid crossing your arms or legs, and look your opponent in the eyes.

1. Let him speak out, let him talk about painful things.
2. After the person has calmed down, you can ask him a few clarifying questions to make sure that you understand his claims correctly.
3. It is important at this moment to control your emotions, voice, be confident and not afraid.
4. If necessary, express sympathy.
5. If you can fix something, somehow influence the situation, help the person cope with his problem.

Now you know what to do if a person behaves aggressively. As you can see, there can be many factors influencing such behavior. Knowing about the possible reasons for the development of aggression, warn yourself against such behavior. If there are aggressive individuals among your loved ones or friends, use the rules for communicating with them proposed in this article.

Aggressiveness- this is a stable characteristic of a subject, which reflects his tendency to behavior, the purpose of which is to cause harm to the world around him or to express anger, anger directed at external objects. Psychologists say that aggressiveness was not inherent in humanity from the very beginning, and children learn a model of aggressive behavior from the first days of their lives.

Aggressiveness from Latin means to attack and characterizes a personality trait that gives preference to the use of violent methods in achieving one’s goals.

Causes of aggressiveness

Personal characteristics that influence the development of a person’s aggressiveness are as follows:

- tendency to impulsiveness;

- thoughtfulness, absent-mindedness;

- emotional sensitivity, as well as a feeling of vulnerability, dissatisfaction, discomfort;

— hostile attribution, which refers to the assessment and interpretation of intentions and actions as aggressive.

Aggression in people is observed in a number of nervous and mental disorders.

The reasons for human aggression are: various kinds conflicts, intimate problems, alcohol abuse, psychotropic drugs, drugs, unsettled personal life, personal problems, feelings of loneliness, mental trauma, strict upbringing, watching thrillers, overwork, and refusal to rest.

The term “aggressive” in relation to athletes began to be used as a characteristic that means persistence in overcoming obstacles, as well as activity in achieving set goals.

Signs of Aggression

Aggression is expressed in such traits as conflict, dominance, and lack of social cooperation.

Signs of a person’s aggressiveness manifest themselves in a painful relationship between the perception of one’s own self and the people around them.

Signs of aggression in children are their physical actions: slamming doors, trying to hit others, tearing, biting, spoiling things out of anger, breaking dishes.

Types of aggressive reactions Bass-Durkey questionnaire:

- physical aggression, marked by the use of physical force against other persons;

- indirect aggression, characterized by being directed in a roundabout way at other persons or not directed at anyone;

- irritation, marked by a willingness to express negative feelings with slight excitement (rudeness, hot temper);

- negativism, marked by an oppositional behavior (from passive resistance to active struggle);

- resentment, marked by envy, as well as hatred of others for fictitious and real actions;

- suspicion, which is characterized by distrust and caution towards people who allegedly plan and cause harm;

- a feeling of guilt, expressed in the possible conviction of the subject that he bad person who commits bad deeds and therefore experiences remorse;

- verbal aggression, which is expressed in negative feelings (squealing, screaming, threats, curses).

Aggression in men

Passive aggressiveness in men is characterized by procrastination and indecisiveness before making important decisions. Such men are not responsible, are extremely dismissive of deadlines and do not keep promises. This type is looking for any excuse for a quarrel with family, while keeping a distance and not allowing them into personal space. The reason is the fear of dependence, so a man, coping with fear on his own, tries to manage and command others. Such a man does not admit his mistakes, but blames only the circumstances around him, demanding to find the culprits.

The reason for this behavior is the social and family atmosphere, where they remain silent about their desires and needs, considering this a manifestation of selfishness. On a subconscious level, such upbringing instills the idea that wanting something for oneself is wrong and unacceptable in principle.

Passive aggressiveness in men can be corrected only by a calm, gentle attitude and gradual pushing towards the desired model of behavior.

Aggressiveness in men differs in its attitudes from female aggressiveness. Men often resort to open form aggressiveness. They are not bothered by anxiety or guilt; it is important for them to achieve their goal, so aggressiveness acts as a kind of behavior model.

Increased aggressiveness in men is marked by a lack of culture of behavior, a demonstration of confidence, strength, and independence.

Aggression associated with sexual arousal is an attack or series of violent acts between sexual partners. Aggression is the opposite of love-erotic relationships. Individuals experience erotic pleasure from sexual aggressiveness (masochism, sadism, sadomasochism).

Psychological concepts provide the following explanation for the appearance of sexual aggressiveness: it arises as a result of experience, that is, disappointed expectations in obtaining satisfaction. This does not apply only to intimate desires or needs. Aggression is explained by its compensatory nature. For example, repetition or continuation of violence experienced, or experiencing violence that is practiced in other areas.

Research in this area confirms that gross sexual violence, as well as beating of women by men, often occurs among those strata where women are discriminated against and oppressed and are in a dependent position. At the same time, the majority of clients of prostitutes who are fond of sadomasochism are men from the upper classes, who thus realize staged aggression.

Aggression in women

Women use psychological implicit aggression; they worry about the resistance that the victim may provide. Aggression in women is observed during outbursts of anger to relieve nervous and mental tension.

Increased aggressiveness is observed in older representatives and is explained by manifestations in the absence of other negative character traits and reasons for such behavior. Increased aggressiveness in women is characterized by a change in character traits in a negative direction.

Aggression in women is provoked by the following factors:

- hormonal, congenital deficiency, provoked by pathology in early development;

- negative emotional experiences from childhood (abuse, sexual violence);

- hostile relationships with the mother, as well as childhood mental trauma.

Aggression in children

Causes of children's aggressiveness: condemnation and rejection by adults; destructive emotions of the inner world that the child is not able to cope with on his own. And misunderstanding and ignorance of the causes of aggression in children leads to open hostility in adults.

How to relieve aggression in children?

When working with aggressive children, a teacher or psychologist should be sensitive to internal problems. Aggression in children is relieved by positive attention from an adult to the child’s inner world.

Only positive attention and acceptance of an aggressive personality on the part of a psychologist, educator, parent, otherwise all correctional work will be reduced to zero and the child will most likely lose confidence in the psychologist and show resistance in further work.

It is important for everyone working with this category of children to take into account a non-judgmental position. This means not making evaluative comments of this type: “you can’t behave like that,” “it’s not nice to talk like that.” These comments will only push your children away from you and will not contribute to establishing contact.

Correction of aggression in preschool children

Children's aggression is eliminated by the following principles and corrective work:

— establishing contact with the child;

- non-judgmental perception of the individual, as well as acceptance of him as a whole;

— respectful attitude towards the child’s personality;

- a positive attitude towards the inner world.

I would like to note the areas of correctional work with aggressiveness in children:

- training in control skills and managing one’s own anger;

— reducing the level of personal anxiety;

- development, formation of awareness of one’s own emotions, as well as the feelings of other people;

- development of positive self-esteem.

Exercises to reduce aggression:

1. Getting to know each other. "Show your name."

Children say their name and accompany it with an invented movement.

2. Game "Magic Balls".

Goal: relieving emotional stress.

Children are in a circle (sitting, standing). An adult asks them to close their eyes and make a “boat” out of their palms. The psychologist puts a colored ball in the palms of all the children, and then asks them to warm it or roll it, to give it some of the affection and warmth by breathing on it. Next, you are asked to open your eyes and look at the ball, talking about the feelings that arose during the exercise.

3. Game “Good Ghosts”.

Goal: to teach how to throw out accumulated anger in an acceptable form.

The host offers to play the role of kind ghosts who are a little hooligan and slightly scare each other. At the leader’s command, the children bend their arms at the elbows, with their fingers spread, and pronounce the sound “u” or any other sound in a loud, scary voice.

4. Draw the mood.

Goal: express your mood in a drawing.

Discussing the drawings involves guessing which mood is which.

5. Game: “The dragon bites its own tail.”

Goal: relieve tension, neurotic states, fears.

Cheerful music is playing, children stand behind each other, holding each other tightly by the shoulders.

The first baby is the “head of the dragon”, and the last one is the “tail of the dragon”. The first baby “dragon head” tries to catch the “tail”, and he, in turn, dodges her.

6. Game: “My good parrot.”

Goal: to develop a sense of elepotism, as well as the ability to work together in a group.

Children are in a circle. The psychologist says: a parrot has come to visit and wants to play with the children. We need to think about what needs to be done to ensure that the parrot enjoys visiting us, and he will definitely fly to them again. The psychologist gives the children a parrot - a toy, offering to stroke it, talk gently, caress it.

7. Game: “Blots”.

Goal: removing aggressiveness, fears, developing imagination.

Prepare white sheets of paper and gouache. Children use a paintbrush to paint the color they want to paint the blot with. On White list On the paper, children splash out their color and fold the sheet in half, but so that the blot makes an imprint on the second half of the sheet.

They unfold the sheet and try to understand what or who the blot looks like. If desired, you can complete the blot.

8. Relaxation “On the Cloud”.

Goal: relieving emotional and physical stress.

9. Exercise “I am a blade of grass.”

Goal: Teach children to express their feelings.

Children imagine themselves as a blade of grass flying in the wind.

10. Game: “Two cockerels quarreled.”

Purpose: relieving muscle tension, emotional release.

To the cheerful music, the kids move chaotically and push slightly with their shoulders.

11. Game: “Centipede”

Goal: to teach children to interact with peers, to promote unity of the children's team.

Children (5-8 people) stand up, holding the waist of the person in front. The leader’s command sounds and the “Centipede” moves forward, then crouches, crawls between obstacles, and jumps on one leg. The main task is not to break the single “chain” and preserve the “Centipede”.

12. Board games.

Goal: development of attention, ability to concentrate, ability to interact without conflicts.

13. Game: "Cat".

Goal: establish a positive attitude, relieve emotional, muscle tension.

Children sit on the carpet. Calm music plays, the kids come up with a fairy tale about a cat and show how the cat basks in the sun, washes itself, stretches, and scratches the rug with its claws.

14. Game: “Kicking”.

Goal: emotional release, as well as relieving muscle tension.

The child is located on the carpet (lies on his back). The legs are spread freely. Slowly, he begins to kick and touch the floor with his entire leg. The legs are raised high and alternate. For each blow with his foot, the baby says “no,” while increasing the intensity of the blow.

15. Game “Pull yourself together.”

Goal: teach kids to restrain themselves.

Explain to kids that when they have unpleasant emotions: irritation, anger, the desire to hit, then it is possible to “pull yourself together” and stop their emotions. To do this, take a deep breath and then exhale (several times). Then we straighten up, close our eyes and count to 10, smile, open our eyes.

16. Game "Fortress".

Purpose: the game allows children to show aggressiveness in an adequate play form. Of interest is the diagnostic: who will choose whom for the team.

Children, at the request of the children, are divided into two teams. Teams build a fortress for themselves (from a construction set). On command, one team defends the fortress, while the other storms it. Weapons include balls, balloons, and soft toys.

17. Game "Rwaklya".

Goal: relieve tension and release destructive energy.

The child is asked to crumple, tear, trample the paper and do whatever he wants with it, and then throw it into the basket.

18. Game "Zoo".

Purpose: Helps relieve tension.

Children are invited to “transform” into animals at will. Initially, children sit on chairs - “cages”. Each individual kid portrays the chosen animal, and the others try to guess who he is showing. When everyone “recognizes” everyone, the chairs - the cages - are emptied and the “animals” - the children come out to jump, run, growl, and scream.

19. Game: "Velcro".

Goal: relieve muscle tension, unite the children's group.

All the kids are moving, jumping, running around the room, and two kids, holding hands, try to catch their peers, saying: “I’m a sticky stick, I want to catch you.” Whoever is caught, “Velcro” takes him by the hand and joins him to their company. After all the babies have become Velcro, all the children dance in a circle to calm music.

20. Exercise “Fist”.

Goal: to displace aggression and achieve muscle relaxation.

During the game, we put any small toy in the child’s hand and ask him to clench his fist tightly.

Holding your fist clenched and then opening it, you see a beautiful toy on your palm.

21. Game: “Compliments.”

Goal: to help kids see personal positive sides, and also feel that they are accepted and valued by other people.

The game begins with the following words: “What I like about you...” The child says this phrase to all participants in the game, both adults and children. Other participants also compliment everyone else. After the game, you should discuss how the participants felt, what they learned about themselves, whether they enjoyed playing and give compliments.

Aggression treatment

How to deal with aggression? Helps you fight your own aggression. It is effective to use a system of punishment and rewards when you personally act as an object, as well as in the role of a teacher. As a punishment, you can use deprivation of certain benefits, and you can reward yourself with your favorite pleasure. Actions to change personal attitudes towards the situation are effective.

How to reduce aggressiveness? When anger and the first signs of aggression appear, take a break. Try to get out of this situation on your own or get distracted. Close your eyes, count to ten, mentally fill your mouth with water when talking to an annoying person. It is quite possible that this is what will protect you from unnecessary aggression.

There have always been and will always be things that you cannot change or remove from your life. You can be angry with them, but there is another approach: try to accept them and begin to treat them calmly. It is very important to prevent chronic fatigue, since it underlies irritability and aggression. At the first sign chronic fatigue- give yourself a break (take a day off, a day off).

A person turns into angry and aggressive with chronic dissatisfaction with his life. To make aggressiveness disappear from your life, you need to make positive changes in it. Be attentive to yourself and try to live for your own pleasure, since a satisfied person is more often balanced and calm than a dissatisfied person.

Daily reports constantly flash events that occur due to human aggressiveness. IN Everyday life Everyone is accompanied by quarrels, conflicts, shouting, and so on. In modern realities, aggression is perceived as a negative phenomenon and is therefore condemned. However, this does not in any way affect the existence of enemy groups.

In order to understand how to restrain aggression, you need to understand in more detail the reasons for its occurrence, as well as the concept itself.

What is aggression?

In order to understand the concept of “aggression”, it is necessary to analyze this term. In psychology, this phenomenon represents the commission of destructive actions that can cause harm, both psychological and physical, to objects or living beings.

If we consider the analyzes of various scientists, it should be noted that aggression is called not only a specific behavior, but also a human condition.

The famous psychotherapist Sigmund Freud noted that this phenomenon represents the predisposition of each object. The higher it is, the greater the tendency to show aggression. Therefore, the described reaction can be considered natural to various types of stress and provoking factors. Aggression can be destructive as well as constructive. In the first case, it is reciprocal, and in the second, it allows a person to preserve his individuality, assert himself, or increase self-esteem. Besides the above, aggression is a way to relieve tension.

The described phenomenon can be both an emotional manifestation and an indicator of social behavior. Aggression can be called any action that can cause harm in any way. The victim can be either an inanimate object or a person (animal).

Some psychologists put aggression on the same level as cruelty, but you need to understand that not every action with the phenomenon described can be classified as serious. Aggressiveness is perceived as a personality trait when a person is capable of performing any such actions in order to protect his interests and in order to achieve certain results.

This phenomenon can be considered in two versions: a form of hostility and a characteristic of adaptability. In the first case, a person will be offended by everyone, start quarrels or fights, and deliver destructive “blows.” In the second option, the individual tries to protect himself, his rights and maintain independence.

Thus, aggressiveness can be considered both a negative phenomenon and a condition that allows a person to develop and realize himself. Any leader needs to have at least a small share aggression to control others.

Characteristics of aggression

As mentioned above, the manifestation of aggression should be considered in two aspects. One of them is the desire to cause harm, and the second is the need, which allows for harmonious development.

The scientific literature indicates that in the absence of aggressiveness, a person can become passive and, as a result, his individuality will be erased, and existence will become unbearable. Every person has this phenomenon, but it has different levels and characteristics. How severe the aggression is, as well as how long it lasts, depends entirely on many nuances. Such negative phenomena should also be considered from the perspective of factors that affect a person, that is, situational, psychological, physiological, and so on. To this we must add that aggression is a person’s reaction to any dissatisfaction associated with the surrounding reality. It can be hidden or explicit, direct or indirect, passive or active, verbal or physical. Let's consider the classification of such actions. There are 5 different forms.

Forms of aggression

Let's take a closer look at the types of aggression.

• There is a physical one. It lies in the manifestation of power to any living organism.
• The indirect form indicates that the person is not behaving aggressively towards the cause of the irritation. These emotions are manifested towards the other. Sometimes a person in such a situation can express aggression by slamming doors, banging on the table, and so on.
• Verbal aggression is manifested by shouting and quarrels, and people often use swearing, obscene words, threats, etc.
• Negativism is characterized by the fact that aggressive behavior occurs towards people older in age, as well as in social status. That is, in this case, an outbreak of aggression will manifest itself only in the direction of authority.
• The last form is a person's tendency to irritation. That is, the object becomes aggressive even with the smallest degree of excitability: he is very hot-tempered, harsh and rude.

Causes

Any aggression, as a rule, manifests itself as a result of some factors. They are the ones who provoke a person to have such a reaction. The main reasons that may exist should be considered.

• Features of character and temperament.
• Factors of behavioral, social, psychological type and so on.
• Hatred, which manifests itself in relation to moral beliefs, as well as an attempt to aggressively establish one’s ideals in society.

Description of provoking factors

In order to combat aggression, it is necessary to know what factors contribute to an increase in the level of this phenomenon. Let's look at them separately.

• Behavioral. We are talking about actions that are aimed at stopping human development. This should also include the lack of desire for self-development, as well as difficulties such as vandalism or the aimlessness of existence itself.
• Social. A person can be influenced by factors such as politics and the economy of the state itself. In the case when any cult of violence or hostility manifests itself in society, and when certain things begin to be sharply promoted by the media, then anyone can show aggression. It should also be noted the influence of the people who surround the person, as well as the low social position in society itself.
• Personal factors. It's about a person's character. For example, someone who has increased anxiety, irritability, depression, problems with development, self-esteem, expression of emotions, gender roles, various addictions, and difficulties communicating in society will be aggressive.
• Situational. This should include the conditions of temperature and climatic type, the influence of culture, stressful situations, the expectation of some kind of revenge or an attack of aggression on the part of another person.

Manifestations in different age categories

How a person expresses his aggressiveness depends on a large number of factors. Among them, it is necessary to note individual development, age category, experience, nervous system, as well as the impact of the above-described nuances on a person’s life. A special role in identifying the causes of aggression is given to the educational system and social environment. At different ages, aggression can manifest itself in different ways.

• If we are talking about kids, then they cry, scream, do not smile, and do not want to make contact with their parents. In addition, the child can harm younger children and animals.
• In preschool age, the manifestation of aggression becomes more diverse. Children not only use screaming and crying, but can also bite, spit, use hurtful words, and so on. As a rule, at this age such a reaction is only impulsive.
• Schoolchildren’s aggression often manifests itself by causing harm to weak children. They may bully others, put pressure on them, make fun of them, and get into fights.
• During adolescence, aggression can manifest itself due to influence from peers. As a rule, at this age, this phenomenon is a way to establish yourself in a team, as well as to take a special place in society. It should be noted that often aggression in adolescents arises not only because of the situation in which he finds himself, but is also considered a manifestation of character.
• Separately, it should be noted that aggression appears in adulthood, since a person will be influenced large quantity factors, given that the character is already formed. It is worth highlighting the presence of fear, which is aimed at what society may not accept or recognize, strong irritability, impulsiveness, suspicion, dependence on various signs. Such people, as a rule, experience only fear and resentment. They are unable to feel guilt and responsibility. It is also very difficult for them to adapt to a new society.

Formation conditions

You need to figure out what provokes aggression in children and adults. The most significant conditions that form such a manifestation are the influence of the media, family factors, aggression from others, as well as individual, age and gender characteristics.

As for the mass media, this factor is questionable in psychology. Let's consider conditions that can cause aggression in a child or adult.

Why do negative emotions appear? There are several reasons for this:

• what is propagated by the media is accepted by a person as a manifestation of aggression;
• accepting oneself as a negative character from a video or film;
• identifying oneself as an object capable of harming any victim;
• The situations shown look too realistic. They can significantly influence a person’s emotional sphere.

Diagnostics

It is very important to correctly diagnose aggression in order to completely overcome it. Considering that this phenomenon is developed differently in each person, it is necessary to accurately study all the features of the psychotype of a particular patient. It is necessary not only to observe behavior, but also to conduct diagnostics, consisting of various techniques. They will allow not only to understand the whole situation from the subjective side, but also to objectively confirm the results that were revealed.

It is quite difficult to examine internal aggressiveness from a medical point of view, since most techniques are aimed only at identifying external manifestations. At the moment, doctors use the Bass-Darkey questionnaire, the Assinger test, as well as some other methods. They allow us to understand how a person feels and what are the reasons for aggression. Let's consider each method separately.

• Assinger test. It is necessary to identify aggression in relationships. Thanks to it, you can figure out what level of negative emotions a person has when talking with someone else. Thus, it becomes clear whether communication is easy for him, how he builds contacts with people around him, and so on.
• Eysenck test. Thanks to him you can check mental condition patient. There are 4 scales. They describe various mental states: frustration, anxiety, rigidity and aggression itself.
• Bass-Darka Questionnaire. It consists of 8 scales and allows you to determine which aggression is dominant in a person. You can also understand by calculating the index how pronounced hostility is.

It should be noted that these techniques are not universal. Therefore, it will not be possible to understand with just one test why aggression appears in a person too often. Diagnostics should always consist of a whole complex, which allows us to talk about real results.

Condition correction

It is impossible to talk about a complete cure for aggressiveness, because it is not a disease. This phenomenon is a personality trait that can be enhanced or, conversely, suppressed. It all depends on self-awareness, self-regulation and the characteristics of a particular person. Scientists also talk about the influence of genetic conditions on the formation of aggression. However, it still depends more on social communication skills, as well as those factors that influence a person every day. Therefore, to treat aggression in a child or adult, it is important to use corrective methods. They reduce the level of hostility. It should be noted that the manifestation of such emotion is not an inevitable form of mental response to various difficulties.

It has long been proven that if you work on yourself correctly, as well as create comfortable conditions for existence, you can not only learn to control such attacks, but also completely stop their occurrence. Correction of aggressiveness can be carried out by a psychologist or psychotherapist. A psychiatrist should be contacted if the aggression of adolescents or older people has reached a critical situation when a person is capable of harming himself or other living beings.

Among the main methods of struggle, hypnosis, psychodrama, psychoanalysis, training programs, as well as autogenic training should be noted.

Many psychologists consider training to be very interesting, allowing a person to learn how to communicate in society and acquire certain skills. On it, the specialist simulates situations in which it is maximally shown that a person can calmly react to any conflict or manifestation of aggressiveness on the part of other people. Getting settled role-playing games, which allows you to experience various stressful situations with maximum safety for the human psyche. The training also teaches how to transfer the acquired skills and abilities into your life.

What to do with an aggressive child?

It should be understood that aggression is an emotion that children often experience. The main step in the fight against it is attention to the child. If parents know their child well, they can prevent sudden outbreaks. If we are talking about physical aggression, it will be easier to suppress than verbal aggression. When a child begins to express his emotions in any way, he needs to be distracted. You can come up with some interesting activity. If a child begins to harm another, then he should be punished for this.

When the child does not understand that he needs to stop, it is recommended to explain the mistake to him as clearly as possible and give him a punishment. At the same time, the object of hostility must be surrounded with attention and care. Then the child will understand that his behavior is losing and he will not achieve the desired result.

At first, he will show more aggression, refuse to clean up after himself, follow advice, and so on, but after a while he will realize that such tactics are unprofitable. It is important to make it clear to the child that he is responsible for his actions, including aggression. After the child has completed the necessary actions that were done as punishment, he should be rewarded.

Games for aggressive kids

Aggression is a negative phenomenon that needs to be stopped in time. If we are talking about a child with an overly impulsive and hot-tempered character, then you should come up with methods to help him fight aggression. Psychologists recommend choosing those exercises that will allow him to understand that it is not necessary to mock his younger ones in order to throw out emotions. You can engage with your child through games. A good option would be to buy a punching bag, knock out pillows, run or exercise on the playground (in the section). You can put paper in your child's pocket, which he will tear when stressed. This is how the baby will be able to eliminate his negative emotions and stop projecting them onto the younger ones.

Food for thought

As a result, it is necessary to emphasize everything that was written above. Aggression is considered to be a manifestation of a person’s character, which can be perceived both in a positive and negative light. This phenomenon allows leaders to maintain authority. Aggression also provides an opportunity to control people. Thanks to her, you can establish yourself in society. However, it is only good in moderation.

At the moment, negative emotions appear quite often in society. This affects the development in young children of an unconscious desire to express their feelings in an aggressive form. To prevent negative situations, you need to fight this phenomenon. You should contact a psychologist. The sooner this happens, the better. This is due to the fact that it is easier to suppress aggression only when it begins to manifest itself than after the perception of the world has been formed. Only through corrective measures can various problems in society be prevented.

Human psychology is a rather complex concept, and aggression is considered negative manifestation character. You should fight it so as not to conflict with the world and communicate normally with society.

Aggression (from Latin aggressio - attack)- motivated destructive behavior that contradicts the norms (rules) of coexistence of people in society, harms the objects of attack (animate and inanimate), causes physical harm to people or causes them psychological discomfort (negative experiences, states of tension, fear, depression, etc. .).

The purpose of aggression can be:- coercion; - strengthening power and dominance; - impression management; - earnings; - affective release, resolution of internal conflict; - revenge for suffering suffered; - inflicting pain on the victim, obtaining pleasure from his suffering.

The following are highlighted. types of aggression:

physical aggression (attack) - the use of physical force against another person or object;

Verbal Aggression - the expression of negative feelings both through form (quarrel, screaming, screeching) and through the content of verbal reactions (threat, curses, swearing);

direct aggression - directly directed against someone. object or subject;

indirect aggression - actions that are directed in a roundabout way at another person (malicious gossip, jokes, etc.), and actions characterized by lack of direction and disorder (explosions of rage, manifested in screaming, stomping feet, beating the table with fists, etc.). P.);

instrumental Aggression, which is a means of achieving k.-l. goals;

hostile Aggression - expressed in actions aimed at causing harm to the object of aggression;

auto-aggression - aggression manifested in self-accusation, self-humiliation, self-harm, even suicide;

altruistic Aggression, which has the goal of protecting others from someone else’s aggressive actions.

Aggressive behavior- one of the forms of response to various unfavorable physical and mental life situations that cause stress, frustration, etc. condition. Psychologically, A. is one of the main ways to solve problems associated with the preservation of individuality and identity, with the protection and growth of a sense of self-worth, self-esteem, level of aspirations, as well as the preservation and strengthening of control over the environment that is essential for the subject.

Aggressive actions act as:

means of achieving k.-l. meaningful goal;

a way of psychological relaxation;

a way to satisfy the need for self-realization and self-affirmation.

Aggressiveness is a personality trait that consists in the willingness and preference to use violent means to achieve one’s goals. Aggression is the manifestation of aggressiveness in destructive actions, the purpose of which is to harm a particular person. Aggressiveness in various persons may have varying degrees of severity - from almost complete absence to extreme development. Probably, a harmoniously developed personality should have a certain degree of aggressiveness. The needs of individual development and social practice should form in people the ability to remove obstacles, and sometimes even to physically overcome what opposes this process. A complete lack of aggressiveness leads to pliability and inability to take an active position in life. At the same time, the excessive development of aggressiveness according to the type of accentuation begins to determine the entire appearance of the personality, turns it into a conflict person, incapable of social cooperation, and in its extreme expression is a pathology (social and clinical): aggression loses its rational-selective orientation and becomes a habitual way of behavior, manifesting itself in unjustified hostility, malice, cruelty, and negativism.

Aggressive manifestations may be:

a means to achieve a specific goal,

a way of psychological release, replacing a blocked need,

an end in itself,

a way to satisfy the need for self-realization and self-affirmation.

Thus, human aggressiveness is heterogeneous, varies from weak to extreme, and differs in its modality and purpose. It is possible to distinguish parameters of aggressiveness of various modalities, differing:

the intensity of aggression, its cruelty;

targeting a specific person or all people in general;

situationality or stability of aggressive personality tendencies.

Conventionally, we can distinguish the following types of behavior from the point of view of aggressiveness:

anti-aggression- a negative attitude towards any aggressive manifestations of a person who always tries to reconcile with people, considers it impossible for himself to beat the weak, a woman, children, a cripple; in the event of a conflict, he believes that it is better to leave, endure it, or contact the police; he defends himself only in the event of an obvious physical attack;

intense aggression motivated by the satisfaction received from performing conditionally aggressive activities (games, wrestling, competitions), without the goal of causing harm. Thus, sport is a socially acceptable form of manifestation of a person’s aggressive tendencies, a kind of release of aggression, as well as a form of self-affirmation, increasing social status and obtaining material benefits (for professional athletes);

undifferentiated aggressiveness- a mild manifestation of aggression, expressed in irritability and scandals for any reason and with the most by different people, in hot temper, harshness, rudeness. But these people can reach the point of physical aggression and even domestic crimes;

local aggressiveness, or impulsive, - aggression manifests itself as a direct reaction to a conflict situation, a person can verbally insult the enemy (verbal aggression), but also allows physical means of aggression, he can hit, beat, etc. The degree of general irritation is less pronounced than in the previous subtype;

conditional, instrumental aggression, associated with self-affirmation, for example in boyish romp;

hostile aggressiveness- persistent emotions of anger, hatred, envy, a person shows his hostility openly, but does not strive for a clash between the parties, real physical aggression may not be very pronounced. Hatred can be directed at a specific person; strangers can cause irritation and anger in such a person for no reason. There is a desire to humiliate another person, feeling contempt and hatred for him, but in this way gain the respect of others. He is calm in fights, and if he wins, he remembers the fight with pleasure. He can restrain his aggression at first, and then takes revenge ( different ways: slander, intrigue, physical aggression). In the event of a preponderance of forces and the likelihood of impunity, it can lead to murder. In general, he is hostile towards people;

instrumental aggression- to achieve any significant goal;

brutal aggression- violence and aggression as an end in itself, aggressive actions always exceed the actions of the enemy, are characterized by excessive cruelty and special malice: minimal reason and maximum cruelty. Such people commit especially cruel crimes;

psychopathic aggression- cruel and often senseless aggression, repeated acts of aggression (aggressive psychopath, “homicidal maniac”);

aggression motivated by group solidarity- aggression or even murder is committed as a result of the desire to follow group traditions, to establish oneself in the eyes of one’s group, the desire to gain the approval of one’s group, to show one’s strength, determination, and fearlessness. This type of aggression often occurs in groups of teenagers. Military aggression (actions of military personnel in combat conditions, killing the enemy) is a socially recognized and approved form of aggression motivated by group (or national) solidarity, the social traditions of “defense of the fatherland”, “defense certain ideas", for example, protecting democracy, protecting law and order, etc.;

sexual aggression of varying degrees- from sexual incivility to rape or sexual abuse and murder. Freud wrote that the sexuality of most men contains an admixture of aggression, a desire to subjugate, so sadism is simply the isolation and hypertrophy of the aggressive component characteristic of normal sexuality. The connection between sex and aggression is confirmed experimentally. Endocrinologists have stated that the aggressive behavior of males and their sexual activity are determined by the influence of the same hormones - androgens, and psychologists - that pronounced components of aggressiveness are present in erotic fantasies, and partly in the sexual behavior of men. On the other hand, suppression of sexual desires, sexual dissatisfaction of people is also accompanied by an increase in irritation and aggressive impulses; A woman’s refusal to satisfy a man’s sexual desire again leads to aggression. Conditioned aggression and sexual arousal appear to interact in humans, as in some animals, to mutually reinforce each other. For example, in teenage boys, an erection often occurs during fussing or power struggle, but never in a real fight. The game of lovers, when a man seems to “hunt” a woman, overcoming her conditioned struggle and resistance, excites him very sexually, i.e. here the conventional “rapist” also acts as a seducer. But there is a group of men who can experience sexual arousal and pleasure only in the event of actual aggression, violence, beating, and humiliation of a woman. Such pathological sexuality often develops into sexual sadism and sexual murder.

Aggression is an attack motivated by destructive behavior that contradicts all norms of human coexistence and harms the targets of the attack, causing moral and physical harm to people, causing psychological discomfort. From the perspective of psychiatry, aggression in humans is considered a method of psychological defense against a traumatic and unfavorable situation. It can also be a way of psychological release, as well as self-affirmation.

Aggression causes damage not only to the individual, the animal, but also inanimate object. Aggressive behavior in humans is considered in the following sections: physical - verbal, direct - indirect, active - passive, benign - malignant.

Causes of aggression

Aggressive behavior in humans can be caused by a variety of reasons.

The main causes of aggression in humans:

- abuse of alcohol, as well as drugs that weaken the nervous system, which provokes the development of an aggressive, inadequate reaction to minor situations;

- problems of a personal nature, unsettled personal life (lack of a life partner, a feeling of loneliness, intimate problems that cause, and later turn into an aggressive state and manifest themselves at every mention of the problem);

- mental trauma received in childhood (neurosis received in childhood due to poor parental relations);

- strict upbringing provokes future manifestations of aggressiveness towards children;

- passion for watching quest games and thrillers;

- overwork, refusal to rest.

Aggressive behavior is observed in a number of mental and nervous disorders. This condition is observed in patients with epilepsy, schizophrenia, due to injuries and organic lesions of the brain, meningitis, encephalitis, psychosomatic disorders, neurasthenia, epileptoid psychopathy.

The causes of aggression are subjective factors (customs, revenge, historical memory, extremism, fanaticism of some religious movements, the image of a strong person introduced through the media, and even psychological personality traits politicians).

There is a misconception that aggressive behavior is more characteristic of people with mental illness. There is evidence that only 12% of people who committed aggressive acts and were referred for a forensic psychiatric examination were diagnosed with mental illness. In half of the cases, aggressive behavior was a manifestation, and in the rest, inappropriate aggressive reactions were noted. In fact, in all cases there is an exaggerated reaction to circumstances.

Observation of teenagers has shown that television perpetuates an aggressive state through crime programs, which further enhances the effect. Sociologists, such as Carolyn Wood Sheriff, challenge the popular belief that sports act as ersatz war without bloodshed. Long-term observations of teenagers at a summer camp showed that sports competitions not only do not reduce mutual aggressiveness, but only intensify it. An interesting fact was discovered about the removal of aggressiveness in adolescents. Working together in the camp not only united the teenagers, but also helped relieve mutual aggressive tension.

Types of aggression

A. Bass, as well as A. Darkey, identified the following types of aggression in humans:

- physical, when direct force is used to inflict physical and moral damage on the enemy;

- irritation manifests itself in readiness for negative feelings; indirect aggression is characterized in a roundabout way and is directed at another person;

- negativism is an oppositional manner of behavior, marked by passive resistance to active struggle, directed against established laws and customs;

- verbal aggression is expressed in negative feelings through such forms as screeching, screaming, through verbal responses (threats, curses);

Growing up is a difficult stage in the life of every teenager. The child wants independence, but is often afraid of it and is not ready for it. Because of this, the teenager has contradictions that he is not able to sort out on his own. At such moments, the main thing is not to distance yourself from the children, to show tolerance, not to criticize, to talk only as equals, to try to calm them down, to understand them, to understand the problem.

Aggression in adolescents manifests itself in the following types:

- hyperactive - a motor-disinhibited teenager who is brought up in a family in an atmosphere of permissiveness of the “idol” type. To correct behavior, it is necessary to build a system of restrictions using game situations with mandatory rules;

- an exhausted and touchy teenager who is characterized by increased sensitivity, irritability, touchiness, and vulnerability. Behavior correction includes relieving mental stress (hitting something, noisy play);

- an oppositional-defiant teenager who shows rudeness towards people he knows, parents who are not role models. The teenager transfers his mood and problems onto these people. Behavior modification involves problem solving in collaboration;

- an aggressive-fearful teenager who is hostile and suspicious. Correction includes working with fears, modeling dangerous situation together with the child, overcoming it;

- an aggressively insensitive child who is not characterized by emotional responsiveness, sympathy, and empathy. Correction includes stimulating humane feelings and developing children's responsibility for their actions.

Aggression in adolescents has the following causes: learning difficulties, shortcomings in upbringing, characteristics of maturation nervous system, lack of cohesion in the family, lack of closeness between the child and parents, the negative nature of the relationship between sisters and brothers, family leadership style. Children from families where there is discord, alienation, and coldness are most prone to aggression. Communication with peers and imitation of older schoolchildren also contributes to the development of this condition.

Some psychologists believe that teenage aggressiveness can be suppressed as childish, but there are nuances here. In childhood, the circle of communication is limited only by parents, who independently correct aggressive behavior, and in adolescence the circle of contacts becomes wider. This circle expands to include other teenagers with whom the child communicates as equals, which is not the case at home. Hence the problems in families. A group of peers considers him an independent, separate and unique person, where his opinion is taken into account, but at home the teenager is classified as an unreasonable child and his opinion is not taken into account.

How to respond to aggression? To extinguish aggression, parents need to try to understand their child, accept his position if possible, listen, and help without criticism.

It is important to eliminate aggression from the family, where it is the norm between adults. Even as a child grows up, parents act as role models. For parents of brawlers, the child will grow up to be the same in the future, even if the adults do not clearly express aggression in front of the teenager. The feeling of aggressiveness occurs on a sensory level. It is possible that a teenager grows up quiet and downtrodden, but the consequences of family aggression will be as follows: a cruel, aggressive tyrant will grow up. To prevent such an outcome, it is necessary to consult a psychologist to correct aggressive behavior.

Prevention of aggression in adolescents includes: the formation of a certain range of interests, involvement in positive activities (music, reading, sports), involvement in socially recognized activities (sports, work, art, organization), avoiding manifestations of force in relation to the teenager, discussing problems together, listening to feelings of children, lack of criticism, reproaches.

Parents must always remain tolerant, loving, gentle, communicate on equal terms with teenagers and remember that if you move away from your child now, it will be very difficult to get closer later.

Aggression in men

Male aggression is strikingly different from female aggression in its attitudes. Men resort mainly to an open form of aggression. They often experience much less anxiety, as well as feelings of guilt during periods of aggression. For them, aggression is a means of achieving their goals or a unique model of behavior.

Most scientists who have studied social behavior people have suggested that aggression in men is determined by genetic reasons. This behavior made it possible to pass on one’s genes from generation to generation, defeat rivals and find a partner for procreation. Scientists Kenrick, Sadalla, Vershour, as a result of research, found that women consider leadership and dominance of men to be attractive qualities for themselves.

Increased aggression in men occurs due to social, as well as cultural factor, or rather, in the absence of a culture of behavior and the need to demonstrate confidence, strength and independence.

Women's aggression

Women often use psychological implicit aggression; they are worried about what kind of resistance the victim may give them. Women resort to aggression during outbursts of anger, to relieve mental and nervous tension. Women, being social creatures, have emotional sensitivity, friendliness and empathy, and their aggressive behavior is not as pronounced as men's.

Aggression in older women baffles loving relatives. Often this type of disorder is classified as a symptom if there are no obvious reasons for such behavior. Attacks of aggression in women are characterized by a change in character and an increase in negative traits.

Aggression in women is often provoked by the following factors:

- congenital hormonal deficiency caused by early developmental pathology, which leads to mental disorders;

- emotional negative experience childhood (sexual violence, abuse), victimization of intra-family aggression, as well as the pronounced role of the victim (husband);

- hostile relationship with mother, childhood mental trauma.

Aggression in the elderly

The most common disorder in older people is aggression. The reason is a narrowing of the circle of perception, as well as a false interpretation of the events of an elderly person who is gradually losing touch with society. This is caused by a decrease in memory for current events. For example, stolen items or missing money. Such situations cause problems in family relationships. It is very difficult to convey to an elderly person with memory impairment that the missing item will be found because it was placed in another place.

Aggression in the elderly manifests itself in emotional disturbances - grumpiness, irritability, protest reactions to everything new, a tendency to conflict, groundless insults and accusations.

The state of aggression is often caused by atrophic processes and vascular diseases of the brain (). These changes often go unnoticed by relatives and others, being attributed to “bad character.” Competent assessment of the condition and correct selection therapy, allows you to achieve good results in establishing peace in the family.

Husband's aggression

Family disagreements and strong husband aggression are the most discussed topics in consultations with psychologists. Conflicts and disagreements that provoke mutual aggression among spouses are as follows:

- uncoordinated, unfair division of labor in the family;

- different understanding of rights and responsibilities;

- insufficient contribution of one of the family members to household work;

— chronic dissatisfaction of needs;

- shortcomings, defects in upbringing, discrepancies in mental worlds.

All family conflicts arise for the following reasons:

- dissatisfaction with the intimate needs of one of the spouses;

- dissatisfaction with the need for significance and value of one’s “I” (violation of the sense of self-esteem, dismissive, as well as disrespectful attitude, insults, insults, incessant criticism);

— dissatisfaction with positive emotions (lack of tenderness, affection, care, understanding, attention, psychological alienation of spouses);

- addiction to gambling, alcoholic beverages of one of the spouses, as well as hobbies that lead to unreasonable waste of money;

— financial disagreements between spouses (issues of family support, mutual budget, each person’s contribution to material support);

— dissatisfaction with the need for mutual support, mutual assistance, the need for cooperation and cooperation associated with the division of labor, housekeeping, and child care;

— dissatisfaction with needs and interests in leisure and recreation.

As you can see, there are many reasons for conflict, and each family can identify its own pain points from this list.

Sociological studies have found that men are most sensitive to material and everyday problems and difficulties of adaptation at the beginning of family life. If a husband has male problems, then often the whole family suffers from this, but the wife suffers the most. Feeling his powerlessness, a man looks for the culprit and in this case it turns out to be a woman. The accusations are based on the fact that the wife is no longer arousing as before, she has gained weight, and has stopped taking care of herself.

The husband’s aggression is expressed in petty nagging, dictatorship, provocations, family quarrels. Often this is a consequence of dissatisfaction, as well as lack of self-confidence.

The reason for the husband’s aggression lies in his complexes and in no case are the wife’s shortcomings and behavior to blame. Having analyzed the form of manifestation of the husband’s aggression, one can find that it can be verbal, in which there is a demonstration negative emotions(insults, rudeness). This behavior is typical of domestic tyrants.

A husband's aggression can be indirect and expressed in malicious remarks, offensive jokes, jokes, and pettiness. Lies, threats and refusal to help are also expressions of indirect aggression. Deceitful and evading husbands get their way with the help of hysterics and threats. This behavior is typical of despots, psychopaths, brawlers, and torturers. Men with personality disorders are very difficult, both for communication and for family life. Some husbands show cruelty (physical and moral).

Most women try to improve relations with their aggressor husband, but all attempts to improve the relationship and the desire to learn to understand the aggressor, as well as to become happier with him, come to a dead end.

The main mistakes made by a woman with an aggressor husband:

- often shares her fears and hopes, counting on understanding, giving her husband the opportunity to once again be convinced that she is weak and defenseless;

- constantly share your plans and interests with the aggressor, giving your husband another opportunity to criticize and condemn her;

- often the victim wife tries to find common topics for conversations, but in response receives silence, coldness;

— the woman mistakenly believes that the aggressor will rejoice at her successes in life.

These paradoxes indicate that all a woman’s aspirations for internal growth and improvement of relationships with her aggressor husband only worsen the situation. Interesting fact that the aggressor, scolding a woman, describes exactly himself in the accusations that he attributes to her.

Fighting aggression

What to do when you feel aggression? You should not put up with the tyranny of your spouse, because you cause great damage to yourself and your self-esteem. You do not have to endure attacks, bad temper, supposedly from a stranger. You are an independent person with the same rights as your husband. You have the right to emotional peace, rest, and respect for yourself.

How to treat aggression?

It is important for the aggressor himself to understand the reason that prompted him to such behavior. If you persuade your husband to consult a psychologist, you will receive recommendations from a specialist on eliminating aggression from your life. However, if the husband’s personality anomaly is pronounced, such that further cohabitation is unbearable, then the best option there will be a divorce. Husbands of the tyrant category do not understand well, so you should not indulge them. The more you give in to them, the more brazenly they behave.

Why is it necessary to fight aggression? Because nothing passes without a trace, and every painful injection causes certain damage to the female psyche, even if the woman finds excuses for her tyrant, forgives and forgets the insult. After some time, the husband will again find a reason to offend his wife. And a woman will try to maintain peace at any cost.

Constant insults, as well as humiliation, negatively affect women’s self-esteem, and, in the end, a woman begins to admit that she doesn’t know how to do much. Thus, he develops an inferiority complex.

An adequate normal man should help a woman, support her in everything, and not constantly humiliate her and poke her nose at her shortcomings. Constant nagging and reproaches will affect the general tone and mood and disrupt a woman’s peace of mind, which will have to be restored with the help of specialists.

Good afternoon A child (son) 1 year 10 months shows aggression, endless tantrums with or without cause. If we are in a company with children, then he bites, pushes, hits, hugs everyone with such force that he almost strangles them, and takes away all the toys. He reacts to the word “can’t” with hysterics, lies on the floor and yells, freaks out. I try to calm him down and explain that this is not possible, and he starts hitting and biting me. Yes, sometimes he just lies down next to me and starts kicking me. He doesn't offend anyone else in the family except me. I don’t know how to behave with him anymore...

• Good afternoon, Anastasia. The development of children from 1 to 2 years of life is complicated by a number of crises associated with growing up. At this stage of development, the child begins to feel himself as an individual separate from the mother and to get to know himself, to look for his own “I”. Each new children's achievement is a kind of leap. Often, in some children, such mini-crises provoke so-called behavioral failures. For example, some children become capricious or have trouble sleeping.
  Most psychologists are convinced that the only period in which hysterics are acceptable is when a toddler is one year old. After all, he does not have enough vocabulary to explain his desires and behavior, and hysterics are his usual way of behaving. He simply doesn’t know any other way. Just a couple of months ago, all he had to do was whine, and his parents would immediately run to him, calm him down, console him, and fulfill his wishes. And today, although he has matured a little, he still does not know any other way to attract attention. You need to understand that the toddler himself will not be able to cope with hysteria, he simply will not be able to calm down on his own, so you should pick up the child and hold him close. But shouting, slapping the butt, and swearing is wrong and harmful to the child’s further development.

Good afternoon.
I have self-aggression. I know for sure because I have been suffering from this for a long time. I have a five-year-old son and I try to restrain myself...I try very hard.... however, sometimes I can’t resist and my son hears... and comes from the other room and asks “Mom, why are you beating yourself?”... we need to do something about it...
Is there any over-the-counter medication I can take to take the course?
I don’t want to go to specialists - I’m afraid they’ll lock me up in a mental hospital and take my son away. S a y long period restraint is 7-10 days, then you still have a breakdown... and PMS has nothing to do with it.
Thank you

• Hello Tatiana. We recommend that you contact a private specialist regarding your problem. The paid clinic ensures anonymity, the psychiatrist will help you understand yourself and your personality problems.
  Understanding why you harm yourself is the first step towards recovery. If you identify the reason why you physically harm yourself, you can find new ways to cope with your feelings, which in turn will reduce the desire to harm yourself.

  • thanks for the answer!
    Do I need a psychiatrist or psychologist or neurologist?

    • Tatyana, in your case, a psychotherapist is the best option.

Good afternoon. I probably won’t be original in my problem, but I would like to hear an assessment and advice regarding my specific situation.
Married for over 20 years. The relationship with my husband is good, except for the outbursts of anger that occur regularly, once every few months. The same scenario always happens. It begins with his irritability, which manifests itself from several days to a week. He’s the one who’s accumulating anger, that’s what I think. Moreover, he gets irritated at any word, but it is clear that he is trying to restrain himself. Then there comes a moment when this any word becomes the starting point for his scandal. This is the last case in particular. We live outside the city. I came from the city and brought my child from school. Saturday. He is sitting preparing lunch. He loves to cook. He does it with pleasure. Released the dogs from the enclosures. We have 5 Central Asian Shepherds. A neighbor arrived. They ran to the fence and barked at the neighbor. I'm nervous. I say that you can’t let everyone out into the yard at once. God forbid anything happens. The husband says he will drive them out soon. And if I need it, I can do it myself. I say that I can’t do it myself, because I’m sick (chondrosis has broken, it hurts to turn), and it started. Potatoes flew into the wall, and accusations that I sent food, ruined everything, a bastard and last man all over the world. I turned around, told my son to start the car, and went to round up the dogs myself. I took two of them away, put the third on a leash, my husband came out and started shouting that I was taking this dog to the wrong place. I got behind the wheel and asked for the gate remote control. He said there was no remote control. Although he has it in his pocket. I turned around and left through the task gate.
I never raised my voice. The only thing she said was that I didn’t see my fault. In the evening I wrote to him that he was causing me pain and resentment. But there is no anger towards him. He didn't answer.
Then our next scenario begins. Now we won't talk to each other for a long time. He seriously believes that he is absolutely right. Ends up having to talk at work. (we work together in our organization).
Then again dear, beloved, sun until next time. Please tell me if there is a model of behavior to avoid these aggressive outbursts. Sometimes I fear for the lives of my children and myself. Because when he is furious, he flies with such force that it becomes scary.

• Hello Olga. Your problem is clear. We recommend changing your attitude towards your husband’s periodic aggressive outbursts - stop being offended, experiencing psychological discomfort and proving something. No matter how hard you try, they will still repeat themselves. This does not depend on your behavior or the behavior of your children.
  “In the evening I wrote to him that he was causing me pain and resentment. But there is no anger towards him. He didn't answer." “There’s no point in explaining anything to my husband either.” His aggression is a psychological release. Try to anticipate your husband’s condition and not support the conflict in any form.

My husband has attacks of aggression, mainly if I am not happy with the fact that he drinks at work or on vacation with the same group of employees. In my opinion, they drink often, only 10-15 people have birthdays, not to mention holidays. My husband is 53 years old, has hypertension, and constantly takes pills to lower his blood pressure. I don’t think alcohol contributes to his health and longevity, and of course I say that it’s unpleasant for me. 5 years ago he quit smoking, before that he smoked all the time. Now he constantly reproaches me for this during quarrels. This seems strange to me, I say that if he only did this for me, and now this is his “trump card” argument in our dialogues, then why such sacrifices, I don’t need them. He says that I control him, that almost everyone laughs at him... And what is masculine strength - I want to smoke and drink - it’s my business - you sit quietly, or what? I’m not talking about the fact that there are people who never drink of their own free will, who don’t drink in groups, but are present at corporate events, and in general are the soul of the company (I had such an employee). I don’t see any heroism here; a person does this of his own free will. Today we were at another corporate party, company day, I haven’t been having conversations lately on the topic, I drank or didn’t drink, it’s good for you after that, it’s bad…. I arrived, I said that I would call at least once a day, just like that, say hello, how are you... I didn’t even say anything else, and in general I didn’t intend to... God, what started here: throwing things, motherfucker, that I’m already for him... that he doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, and I’m making it work for him here, I almost pulled down the interior doors. I was scared that he was going to beat me up, but he flew out, slamming front door no one knows where... I have no one to turn to, my parents are no longer alive, my brothers and sisters are gone, my cousins ​​are far away, they have families, children, grandchildren, and how can you tell a friend such a thing. I don’t understand what I’m guilty of, what’s wrong with hearing a kind word from the person you live with just one in a day, isn’t that normal? I'm trying to adequately assess the situation and figure it out. If a person considers himself henpecked just because he takes into account his wife’s opinion, or calls her once a day, in my opinion this is not normal. Now I kind of have to be on alert all the time, choose my words, what if I do something to shake his self-esteem again... This is not life - in constant tension, and the expectation that he will be “offended” again. At the same time, oddly enough, my husband is the breadwinner in the family, the head of the enterprise, I also earn money, but less, which seems normal. What's wrong and what should I do?

• Hello, Tasha.
  “I arrived, I said that I would call at least once a day, just like that, say hello, how are you... I didn’t even say anything else”
  With these words you unconsciously tried to make him feel guilty and they served as a trigger for his aggression. The husband may have already arrived in a bad mood or is subconsciously always ready for the next claims, and these words were enough to throw out aggression on you.
  “I don’t understand what I’m guilty of, what’s wrong with hearing a kind word from the person you live with just one in a day, isn’t that normal?” - Of course you're right. But forcing a man to express his attention to you in this way is also wrong. You yourself can show attention, care towards your husband, speak kind words and tell him, if possible, when he is in a good mood, that you miss him and can barely restrain yourself from calling him when he is at work. During the conversation, monitor your spouse’s reaction so as not to aggravate the situation and switch the conversation to another topic in time.
  “Now I kind of have to be on alert all the time, choose my words, what if I do something to shake his self-esteem again... This is not life - in constant tension, and the expectation that he will be “offended” again.” Unfortunately, this happens very often. After all, men are very proud, vulnerable and touchy. And the key to a happy life in marriage is the ability to shut up in time.

Hello! In our family, unfortunately, the following situation has developed... I have an older brother (I am 25, my brother is 35 years old). My first memories of his manifestation of aggression are that he fought with his middle brother (he is now 33), but at that time I was still very young and it seemed to me that it brought him pleasure - to hurt his own brother. When I was about six years old, I remember how my brother hit my mother for the first time, he was chasing her to hit her, and was talking some kind of nonsense. At that time he played and sang at weddings, and naturally tried alcohol for the first time. When I was at school, I heard quarrels between my parents and my drunken brother, I was sent to another room and locked in just in case, you never know... And this “you never know” happened from time to time, my brother got into a fight with his sick father and mother... By the way - parents never! they didn’t fight, they quarreled occasionally, like all normal people, but dad or mom never allowed themselves too much.
Over the years, everything became even worse... My brother allowed me to give up on my mother, father, brother, wife... My father became weaker over the years, his illness affected him very much, but this did not stop his brother. Thanks to one of these blows, the middle brother developed a hemotoma in the abdominal cavity, which grew into a tumor, and he almost died. I know of an incident where he almost drowned his wife in the bathtub. Their child is sick with a brain tumor.
I can, of course, tell many more cases, but... He often drinks with friends, for them he is the life of the party, always cheerful, can make anyone laugh. At the same time, one cannot call him an alcoholic, since he conscientiously runs his own business and works hard. IN drunk it can start from half a turn, just look at it the wrong way. He only shows aggression towards his own people!!! When you try to talk to him about what happened, he doesn’t want to talk about it at all, because he doesn’t feel guilty at all. And often he doesn’t remember what he did at all, or simply pretends... He never asks for forgiveness for what he did. When you try to talk about the fact that he seriously offended his mother or did something else, he immediately breaks into a scream and screams to the last. He believes that he does everything, almost feeds and clothes everyone. Everything around is d... mo, and he is the “navel of the earth.” And all this comes out in a very loud monologue; if you try to object to him, you will hear the scream even louder.
I’ve been living in the capital for 7 years now and I don’t depend on anyone... My father recently died, my brother’s wife is pregnant with their second child, my mother lives in our parents’ house with my middle brother... But! I can’t live in peace, because I know that my older brother is tyrannizing everyone there! And he absolutely does not admit that he has problems with alcohol, and even more so with nerves or the psyche... And he does not admit it. I am very afraid for my health and emotional condition his loved ones, because he does not allow them to live in peace. But I can’t imagine how to deal with this problem, since my brother refuses the help of specialists... Please advise me, because I’m in despair!

• Hello, Anastasia. According to the description, your older brother is very close to a representative of the excitable type of character accentuation. Which is characterized by instinctiveness and what the mind suggests is not taken into account by such a person, and the desire to satisfy momentary desires, needs, instinctive impulses becomes decisive.
  Knowing this, we can recommend to you and all your loved ones not to criticize him, not to touch his personality in conversations, not to discuss his actions, not to remind him of past mistakes. Since all efforts will be useless, and it will be quite easy to run into his high impulsiveness and irritability. If necessary, such people simply need to be tolerated, but generally in society communication with such people is avoided if they show their temper and do not restrain themselves.

Problem with mother. He constantly rushes at me, swears for no reason, threatens me with physical harm, and has even gone as far as assault. She starts yelling wildly out of nowhere, doesn’t want to listen to anyone, everyone is to blame for her, etc. Always judging those around me, literally looking for something to cling to and pouring it all out on me. He doesn’t make any contact when talking, he sees only one thing in everything: “you’re trying to contradict me, #@*#@???” and starts even more. There are moments of calm when he even tries to improve relations, but it all ends in reproaches and using everything he learns against me. These reproaches and scandals hit where it hurts. If suddenly a scandal begins because of some lost thing, then it doesn’t matter whether I’m to blame for it or not, I never apologize for empty attacks. What to do?? How to find an approach?? How to calm a hysterical person?

• Hello, Alina. It is recommended to eliminate attacks of anger by switching attention to something pleasant or distracting for the aggressor and, of course, not to provoke him, since the breakdown of negative emotions on the immediate environment is akin to a drug and they give the aggressor great pleasure.

Hello. Here's the problem I have. I’m 23. My father left early, although he fully participated in my brother’s and my upbringing, our childhood was difficult, it wasn’t easy for my mother to pull us along, and subsequently there was no love for the rest of the world, something like a child’s complex. I am extremely hot-tempered, an absolutely happy mood easily changes to an extremely hostile state, but I have never shown aggression towards strangers, only in case of protecting yourself or your family. I work a lot, and this is associated with constant physical and moral stress, which is why I always lashed out at those around me (family, girlfriend, close friends). But recently everything has changed a lot. Now there is no aggression towards close people, I don’t lose my temper, I try to be softer, don’t get worked up somewhere, I quickly calm down. BUT! As soon as I hear something addressed to me from a stranger, not necessarily an insult, any provocation, I suddenly have a feeling of HUGE hatred, it’s like adrenaline or a state before fainting, I can’t calm down until... but here it ends in different ways, but in most cases until my “enemy” is on the floor. And I understand later that I didn’t seem to hear anything particularly offensive addressed to me, but at that moment it felt like he was threatening me with death, and I couldn’t help but defend myself. Later I will realize and understand everything, but the feeling that I did everything right will not leave me, I cannot convince myself of this and no one can. By the way, now something else has appeared, in terms of intimacy, now the preference is more towards, well, let’s say not exactly, but a little towards rough intimacy, well, of course, not in relation to me, I have become a little rougher. No, my girlfriend likes it, of course, but I just noticed this in myself. And I’m writing all this only because for the first time I felt scared, not of consequences, not of responsibility, no, I became scared of myself, that I couldn’t control myself at the moment of aggression, I couldn’t calm down. Thank you for your help.

• Hello, Alexander. Most likely, you are characterized by an excitable type of character accentuation (an extreme version of the norm), which is expressed in weak control and insufficient controllability of your own drives and impulses. Therefore, it is very difficult for you to restrain yourself in a state of emotional excitement and not get irritated. There is no need to be afraid of your condition. Now you know that such a type exists, and you are one of it.
  Moral principles do not matter for this type, and in outbursts of anger there is an increase in aggressiveness, which is accompanied by an intensification of corresponding actions. The reactions of excitable individuals are impulsive. What is decisive for the behavior and lifestyle of such a person is not prudence, not the logical weighing of one’s actions, but desires, uncontrollable impulses.
  Therefore, we recommend avoiding extreme situations, in which conflict is possible or situations where your behavior, business, personal qualities are criticized.
  Your types prefer athletic sports, where they can release pent-up energy or aggression.
  “But recently things have changed a lot. Now there is no aggression towards close people, I don’t lose my temper, I try to be softer, not to get into trouble” - Gradually, with age, you will become softer. Of course, this will depend directly on your immediate environment, your social circle. A personality of your type often carefully chooses his social circle, surrounding himself with weaker ones in order to lead them.
  Try to get plenty of rest, don't overwork yourself, and avoid starting difficult tasks when you're in a bad mood or tired, as behavior problems may occur in such situations. Do not place high hopes and expectations on society. The world is not ideal and it cannot be changed. People tend not to “filter” their words, which mean a lot in life.
  Meditation, auto-training, yoga can help you find peace of mind and be more stress-resistant.

Hello. I have an atypical situation, I am dating a girl, she is 19 years old. We’ve been dating for about 2 years, she has a very difficult relationship with her mother and grandmother, she doesn’t have a father, she always had quarrels with her mother, she just had crazy hysterics, it even got to the point of assault, about a year ago she moved in with me. At the beginning of the relationship, when there were disagreements or even minor quarrels, she became uncontrollable, a stream of aggression, swearing, insults and humiliation addressed to me, although I myself never even called her a fool, let alone swearing. Always in a conflict I tried to calm down and find out the reason for this behavior, she always says that she cannot control herself, that after she does not express everything to me, only then she calms down, and it does not necessarily have to be our quarrel. She quarrels with her mother and takes her anger out on me, responds rudely and swears. After my threats to break off the relationship, she calmed down more or less, but still during quarrels a stream of obscenities, insults, etc. emanates from her. The last time in the shopping center, where she and I and my friend were, she started screaming across the entire floor at me because I didn’t wait for her and followed me and screamed all the way to the exit. Everyone turned to look at us, and she didn’t react in any way to my friend’s and my requests not to shout and to calm down. Another type of behavior is to run away from me through the streets, even in unfamiliar cities, where she can get lost. Even during quarrels, he sometimes threatens to kill himself, especially when I talk about breaking up. I was very tired of this and began to show defensive aggression towards her myself, began to respond to her scream with a scream, damaged furniture from aggression, and after I showed aggression, she quickly calmed down and was the first to make peace and ask for forgiveness.. Tell me if changes for the better are possible or should you think about breaking up?

• Hello, Ruslan. You need to stop the girl’s manipulation, because as soon as she realized that you were capable of counter-aggression, she got scared and changed her behavior pattern.
  Tell her directly that you understand the complexity of the situation regarding her loved ones and communication with them, but you will not allow you to be treated this way. Either she changes internally, learns self-control, signs up for yoga, goes to see a psychologist, independently studies her problem, or you will be forced to end such a relationship.
  “Even during quarrels, he sometimes threatens to kill himself, especially when I talk about breaking up.” “This is a skillful game of a neurotic manipulative, allowing him to achieve his goals. And you need to keep the priority of your interests in mind.
  Calmly ask her the question: what will you gain from it if you kill yourself? Who will benefit from this? Let her understand that you are not familiar with remorse and that your relationship with her has strengthened you internally, so you will not grieve for a long time, but will quickly find a replacement for her. Therefore, it may make sense for her to change, stop blackmailing you and start respecting you as a person.

  • Thank you very much for your answer, now the problem and the seriousness of the situation have become clearer to me, because I repeatedly told her about restraining myself, about a psychologist, about internal changes, she seemed to be trying to control herself at first, but after a while everything started again again , and if quarrels with hysterics already occur less frequently, but they are becoming more and more difficult, and to any of my arguments about her unreasonable aggression, that the conflict can be calmly resolved, she replies that I am so bad and brought her to such a state.. she tells me it seems she just doesn’t want to change and really sees that I’m succumbing to her manipulations, I’ll try to send her or go with her to a psychologist or psychotherapist, if there are no results, then apparently I’ll have to break off the relationship

    Again I turn to you, I tried to behave as you advised, when asked to go to a psychologist or psychotherapist, she laughs and says that she is not a psychopath, and an attempt to stop her manipulations, in particular ignoring her, led to her going out onto the 12th floor balcony and I blackmailed her that she would dump her, she is unbalanced, when I break up with her I am afraid that I might actually commit suicide, what can be done either in terms of referring her to a psychologist or in terms of a safe separation?

    • Either you can help her decide to seek help (exactly how to do this - you should know better, since you have been living with her for two years), or you will suffer from her inappropriate behavior all the time you spend together... Without face-to-face help She definitely won’t need a specialist. There is simply nothing to add to what was written earlier without seeing the patient.

      You need to break up with her while there are no children. My daughter is almost the same and doesn’t want to change. If earlier she asked for forgiveness for, so to speak, bad behavior, then over the years she began to believe that everyone in the family was to blame. Ruslan, you can’t change her in any way, don’t waste time on her, life will be poisoned with such a girl. There should be peace and order in the house, love and minor quarrels (you can’t live without them) and most importantly, find a girl so that you are drawn to her and so that you are not ashamed of her behavior.

      You need to break up with her while there are no children. My daughter is almost the same and doesn’t want to change. If earlier she asked for forgiveness for, so to speak, bad behavior, then over the years she began to believe that everyone in the family was to blame. Ruslan, you can’t change her in any way, don’t waste time on her, life will be poisoned with such a girl. There should be peace and order in the house, love and minor quarrels (you can’t live without them), and most importantly, find a girl so that you are drawn to her and so that you are not ashamed of her behavior.

My husband and I have been together for 2 years. For the first six months, I was happy that a loving, attentive, affectionate man was with me, carried me in his arms, and blew away specks of dust. There were, of course, quarrels, but minor ones. The only thing that always amazed me was that during the conflict he could say such words to me that it’s difficult to even describe. But special significance didn't give in to it. The first time he laid his hand on me was after drinking enough alcohol. It was unbearable. I was in a closed room for 3 hours, he beat me, then he took a knife and cut my dress on me, broke a bottle on my head, after which I was already unconscious. I woke up on the balcony in a pool of blood. Seeing that I had regained consciousness, he literally ordered me to wash myself and lie down to sleep next to him. I started to get hysterical, he started beating me again. At some point, the neighbors started breaking down the door and I managed to escape, wrapped in a blanket, and left. I don’t know how, but I forgave him after a couple of months. And everything repeated itself, only the next time he tortured me for several days until the police intervened. But with our laws, there will be real punishment only when he kills. I can only say one thing, all this continues over and over again. I turned into a dog and I know that I will forgive him again. I know it's my fault, but maybe there is a way to cure it. I'm afraid that he will kill me soon. Tell me what can be done!!?

• Taisiya, you and only you can make yourself happy. Only you can change your life. You are now a victim, you need to urgently contact a specialist if you yourself are not capable. And my advice is to RUN AWAY from this asshole!!! As soon as possible! I hope you don't have children. Go to your mother, to your friend, there are centers for women who find themselves in difficult situation, yes, at least to the station! He will always beat you because you endured it! You cannot fight back, leave, run away. But I’m sure you can do it if you want it yourself. Change your life once and for all. And finally stop being a victim. Good luck to you!

How to cope with the aggression of a 9-year-old child with epilepsy. The girl doesn’t want to do her homework, she starts throwing everything, screaming, and may hit her mother. There is no way to deal with it, just trouble. What should we do, please help.

• Hello, Nadezhda. In your case with your daughter, we recommend that you consult a child psychologist. After talking with both you and the girl, the specialist will be able to establish the reasons for aggressive behavior and tell you how to more effectively achieve the desire to learn.

  • Thanks, we think we can try it too. Only I'm a grandmother. My daughter is already exhausted with her. The granddaughter takes Depakine, there are no attacks, and her character has become aggressive during the treatment. And when will this all get better?

My husband and I lived together for 5 years. We are 25 years apart. I am now 39, he is 64. Signs of aggression began to appear after the first 3 months. It seemed to me that it was my fault, I tried to talk, understand the reason and not do it again. Sometimes this was expressed in a furious scream (very, very strong, impossible to convey), sometimes in silence from 2 days to 10-15. As a result, I was always the first to make peace. Over the course of 5 years, similar situations occurred once a month. (on average) The husband never once considered himself guilty the whole time. Moreover, he punished. You don’t know how to behave, I’m going on vacation for the New Year alone. So out of 5 New Year holidays, 2 times I met New Year home alone. At the same time, I tried to react differently to his hyper/or or long silence. And I screamed back at first (this turned out to be the most ineffective) and calmly tried to explain how I felt and left for a day or two. Once at the airport we were flying on vacation, I went to the toilet and lingered a little, screaming like mad for about 10 minutes, people began to gather around. I managed to stop only when I said that either you stop or I’m not going. Then on vacation I was silent for 2 weeks. I went separately. The last breakup happened because of his scream when I told him what I bought at grocery store. He yelled that he didn’t want to listen to this, the topic was closed. I tried to justify myself, causing him to go into rage. In the end, I said that I couldn’t listen to this anymore. And she left. He said, well, I went to... A month later he called and brought me my things from his dacha. And he said that if you apologize, I will forgive you. I came back 1 day later and apologized. And he said, you have a scandal on your tongue all the time, you can’t stop in time as always, I signaled to you to stop, but you don’t hear what they are saying to you. In general, I go on vacation alone in the summer, but the second autumn vacation is still in question. And we also had tickets to the theater, he said that he wasn’t going to go there alone, he didn’t go alone, and so on. since I may not have time at all. I couldn't stand it and left forever. 3 days have passed. It’s hard, I’m in a lot of pain. I’m trying to calm myself down, maybe he’s not normal?

• Hello Irina. It is clear that your husband has an unstable psyche and is dependent on periodic manifestations of aggression. It doesn’t matter whether it’s you or another wife, he will behave the same way.
  You did everything right by leaving, I don’t understand why you are suffering? In a relationship, he is the tyrant, and you are the victim, and this will always be the case.

  • I suffer because I know that I myself am responsible for everything that happens to me. So I’m trying to understand whether EVERYTHING was done on my part. And also, I love him very much, every finger, every hair... But I understand that I will soon become disabled if I stay. It’s better to “die” once than to do it endlessly. When he quarreled with me, it was like being thrown into hell: “you stop breathing and feeling.”

    I printed out your answer, I’m re-reading it, it becomes a little easier.
    THANK YOU.

My sister and I have a mother born in 1927. She almost lost her memory. She doesn’t recognize some of her loved ones, doesn’t understand where she lives, can’t understand that her husband (our father) died and plus illnesses. My sister takes care of my mother. After the death of her father, her sister does not leave her mother. She quit her job and sleeps with her mother in the same room. She is a doctor, a nurse and a nanny for parents. Look for such daughters. And even before her illness, her mother doted on her. But now everything has turned into a continuous nightmare. It was as if a demon had possessed the mother. She does everything in defiance, picks on food, doesn’t want to take medications, calls her sister names we’ve never heard from her, has already tried to hit her several times and has bitten her twice. My sister also has health problems. WHAT TO DO? How to reduce mom's aggressiveness. You have to hide your knives, but you can’t foresee everything.

• Hello, Yuri. In your case with your mother, you need to seek help from a psychotherapist.