Do teenagers need love? Love in adolescence

What should parents do when their child manages to fall in love for the first time? First of all, do not underestimate the situation, because a child in love can perform any feat in the name of feeling. But the situation should not be overestimated either.

In no case should you impose prohibitions, deny, limit children in relation to the object of first love. This will only aggravate the situation, and provoke to "exploits". The most important thing is to become the best friend for the child at this moment. And for this you need to sympathize and understand. Of course, you know from your own experience that there will be no trace of this emotional typhoon. But it is not recommended to convey this important experience to the child, and, moreover, to make fun of him: he will simply close from you.

Try to turn the negative into a positive. Not jokes, but conversations about what love is and how wonderful it really is. The task is to remove an unnecessarily tragic assessment, redirect it to a lyrical way. For example, you can talk about how Petrarch dedicated sonnets to his Laura. And even better, read to him verses of your own composition, which were once born in youth under the influence of the same first love.

In a word, redirect the thoughts of a son or daughter in love to creativity, and you can even take part in this - together compose music and lyrics to the theme of your child's love. This is a very effective method - literally in a few days there will be no trace of the tragedy.

Unhappy love

The first teenage love often becomes synonymous with unhappy love. The reason: a teenager wants a glow of feelings, and he subconsciously chooses exactly the object of love that is not available. In this case, there is no need to explain anything from the point of view of reason and logic. And in general, love at any age does not lend itself to such curbing. But the expression of feelings in creativity helps a lot.

“Mastering” bad habits quite often falls precisely on the period of the first unhappy teenage love. And not at all because the pain is so strong that you want to forget. And, on the contrary, to make the intensity of the experienced feelings maximum. But even here there should be no restrictions. It is important to understand that, for example, a cigarette in this case is a cry for help. And help is needed, because the teenager does not know what to do in this situation.

This is where parental help comes in handy. The child needs to act in order to attract the attention of the object of his unhappy love. If you help him with good advice, if you create a concrete plan of "conquest" together, then you will make the right move.

Inner feelings are torn out, poured into actions. Let these actions be constructive. This, by the way, will distract from suicidal thoughts. We all know that in adolescence, one rarely really wants to die, suicide in this case is a means of attracting attention. And, unfortunately, a suicide attempt may be completed ... That is why it is best to organize a stormy activity, but before that it doesn’t hurt to start crying with your child in an embrace.

Plan for love

So let's recap. If your child had a first teenage love:

1. Do not dissuade, do not dissuade, do not laugh, do not forbid, do not say that this will pass, and even more so, do not be indifferent to this.

2. Discuss the situation, listen to your child's ode to the object of love. Feel this, say that you know that your child simply cannot love an unworthy person.

3. Tell about your first love, read your nursery rhymes. In a word, reorient the child to creativity.

4. Do not talk about sex, talk about the positive aspects of love, how it changes, and how it is needed. Encourage this feeling in your child.

5. Make a plan of action. It is important to act to win love: flowers, songs, poems. Changes in appearance, behavior - seize the moment when it will be so easy for you to wean your child from what spoils him in the eyes of his beloved?! In general, accustom your child to romanticism. And he will have something to do, instead of smoking, drinking or cutting his veins. You will be calmer!

No wonder people say - "little children - little troubles." As your yesterday's baby grows, more and more chores and problems appear. Just yesterday, mom was looking for answers to questions related to raising a baby. And today she is feverishly looking for any information about such a phenomenon as the manifestation of love in adolescents of 14 years old, and sometimes even younger.

No matter how parents deny the fact that their child has grown up, and no matter how they drive away the thought of a possible love of teenagers, and even more so about teenage sex, almost no one can avoid this. Don't believe? And try to strain your memory and remember yourself at that age. Surely, you will remember your first love - so pure and bright, when it seemed that this love was forever. And the chosen one or the chosen one seemed the most ideal people in the world.

So why do parents, having heard that their child has also encountered his first love, refuse to believe in this fact and take it for granted? Often, parents begin to prove to their child that he is still too small for love, that this is not love at all, without listening to any persuasions and exhortations of their child. But that's not the worst thing parents can do.

A much bigger mistake, which is quite common, is to make fun of a child's feelings. The consequences of such a line of parental behavior can be the saddest. Moreover, the loss of mutual understanding and contact between parents and their child is far from the worst option. Sometimes, to our great regret, a desperate teenager in love may even try to make a suicide attempt. Especially if this very first love turns out to be unrequited.

Also, very often the chosen one or the chosen one of your child becomes a reason for disagreement. In almost all cases, it has happened for a long time, but their parents do not like the choice of children at all. Those parents who turn out to be a little wiser than the rest prefer to keep all criticism about the choice of a son or daughter to themselves. However, alas, most often parents at an emotional input, without particularly choosing words and expressions, tell the child everything they think about his soulmate.

As a result, a difficult, tense psychological situation reigns in the house - the parents have endless conversations in the spirit of “mother did not raise a berry for him,” the child snaps. Agree - not the most rosy prospect. And in order not to be in such an unpleasant situation, parents must be fully armed.

After all, it often happens that all parental discontent and worries turn out to be absolutely justified. Unfortunately, no matter how parents want it, the social circle of modern teenagers is quite large, and includes not only positive boys and girls.

And for some reason, very often teenagers choose their soul mates from the so-called antipodes - people who are completely opposite to themselves. Look around - for sure, you will remember several couples in which the partners, at first glance, seem completely unsuitable for each other. The boy is an excellent student, a university student, dating a poorly educated and rather dissolute high school student. Or, on the contrary, a girl - a member of the Komsomol, a pioneer and just a beauty, doomed to the first fool, and a hooligan of the yard.

Sometimes their friendships and relationships are completely innocent, and do absolutely no harm to a teenager. However, not always, unfortunately. How many times have teenagers, trying to be like their soul mate, started smoking, tasting alcohol, and even drugs. But even this is not a complete list of what a child who finds himself in a socially disadvantaged environment may be drawn into.

So that, to the best of their ability, parents can prevent such situations, support their child morally, and, where it is really necessary, control the child, or vice versa, give him a little more will, and you need to know everything about such things as love teenagers.

Signs of a teenager falling in love

Child and family psychologists unanimously argue that adolescence is one of the most difficult for both the child himself and all the adults around him. And this is not surprising - after all, it is at a transitional age that a child very actively begins to manifest such a character trait as adolescent negativism.

It manifests itself in the fact that a teenager begins to question absolutely all the words of adults, trying to refute them, and not in discussion, but in practice. Mom says that smoking is bad for health? So, you need to smoke and see in half a year what will come of it. Did dad say you have to be at home no later than ten o'clock at night? We should try to come at 11 and see what happens.

In addition, at a certain point, almost all teenagers begin to feel that adults climb too hard not only into the soul, but also into the life of the child. Especially if adults only confirm his assumptions with their behavior. There are several main taboos that psychologists strongly do not recommend breaking:

• Do not rummage through children's things - pockets of things, bags, desk drawers. Remember that the child is likely to perceive this behavior as a manifestation of parental distrust of him.
• The same is true for mobile phones and computers - do not climb on them. Believe me, if your teenager wants to watch porn videos, he will watch them anyway, not at home, but with friends.

Otherwise, your child will close in itself more densely than a mollusk in its shell. After all, even in that case. if the relationship between parents and children is just perfect, in adolescence they still try not to let parents into their lives once again. And therefore, most often, attentive parents can find out that your child has fallen in love only by signs of love, because it is unlikely that the child will be able to hide all his thoughts and emotions. So these signs are:

• Time spent by the child at home

In the event that earlier your child could spend days on end reading a book or at a computer, and recently he began to disappear away from home more and more often, returning later than usual, this may be a sign that he has fallen in love. And, of course, he tries to spend all his free time with his passion.

In such a case, the biggest mistake of parents will be prohibitions to spend time outside the home. The child will begin to violently protest against such a ban, and may simply hate you. Of course, after some time, this hatred will disappear without a trace, but for a long time, the hassle is provided to both the parents themselves and the teenager.

It is much more reasonable to give the child a little more freedom than usual. Although, of course, in no case should one forget about the boundaries of the reasonable - it is unacceptable to allow a teenager to return in the morning. However, allow your son or daughter to return home at least an hour later than usual. Believe me - he will definitely appreciate your trust!

• Increased phone talk time

Often, when a teenager has a boyfriend or girlfriend, they begin to spend much more time talking on the phone. Moreover, in the event that earlier the child was talking on the phone without any looking back in your presence, now he is trying to leave the room or at least move away from you a little further so that you do not hear the conversation.

Moreover, many parents are very worried about this, believing that the child is hiding something criminal from them. However, in fact, for the most part, all these conversations are inherently completely harmless. And the child leaves only because, considering himself already quite an adult, he strives for some autonomy and independence. Do not worry about this - very soon this desire will pass without a trace, immediately after the disappearance of youthful maximalism.

• Asking for more pocket money

As a rule, this point is true in relation to boys. And this is not surprising - after all, fortunately, despite any emancipation and other "charms" of modern life, there are still quite a lot of real representatives of the stronger sex who prefer to pay for their dates on their own. And parents should be glad that they managed to raise a real man, albeit still very young.

Try, to the best of your family's financial means, to allocate a little more money to your son so that he can take his girlfriend to a cafe, or at least simply pay for public transport for her. Otherwise, the child will begin to independently seek an opportunity to find money.

And given the fact that not always a teenager can earn money, parents should seriously think about it. There is no guarantee that your son will not start stealing money from you. And this is in the best case, and in the worst case, the son may be involved in various illegal actions, and as a result, he will have quite serious problems with the law. After all, you probably don't want that, do you?

• Teen mood

A change in the mood of a teenager can also indicate his love. Moreover, these same changes can be very different and opposite. In the event that the first love is mutual, the child feels a certain euphoria, is constantly in high spirits, which is very difficult for him to spoil.

But in the event that the object of sympathy did not reciprocate teenage love, the picture can be completely opposite. The child is almost constantly in a depressed state, may refuse to walk, eat. Teenage girls can cry a lot. Of course, parents should try to help their child at this time, but remember that adolescents' perception of the world is not at all the same as that of adults.

And if an adult woman who has parted with her passion, despite sobbing, will gladly discuss with her friend all his shortcomings and agree that he is a complete bastard, then a teenager, in response to an attempt by his parents to point out the shortcomings of his chosen one, can completely close in himself. And even just an attempt by mom or dad to comfort a child can cause a protest reaction. It is much wiser to try to distract the child.

For example, if you have the opportunity, send the child somewhere to rest - a change of scenery helps even adults very well, not to mention impressionable teenagers. Or buy him something that he has long wanted - a computer, a new phone. And don’t worry too much yourself - no matter how deadly the child’s mental wound may seem, very soon he will calm down and forget his first unhappy love.

• Appearance of a teenager

One of the most characteristic signs that a teenager has fallen in love is his increased attention to his appearance. Just yesterday, your son didn’t care much about the cleanliness of his shoes, but today you can look in them like in a mirror? Has your daughter suddenly started asking you for permission to dye her hair? All this is a reason for parents to assume that their child has fallen in love.

It is during this period that quite serious conflicts between parents and children also often arise. And this is not at all surprising - of course, if the child began to more carefully monitor his appearance, this will only be a plus. However, often a teenager conducts real experiments with his appearance - he dyes his hair in unimaginable shades, pierces all kinds of parts of the body, puts on unimaginable clothes.

Of course, only a few parents can calmly and silently observe such experiments without criticizing the child. However, such criticism is unlikely to have the desired effect, but the probability of spoiling the relationship with the child is very high. Therefore, try to accept the child with all his experiments - very soon they will pass, as they are just one of the inevitable factors of growing up and finding oneself.

If tolerating such creativity is absolutely unbearable, try inviting your child to go to a beauty salon and go shopping together. Perhaps in this way you will be able to at least slightly adjust the appearance of a teenager. And by the way, about shopping - try not to save on your child's wardrobe during this period, otherwise he may develop quite serious complexes. Yes, and children are quite cruel creatures - teasing a child who stands out from the general crowd, who does not have this or that fashionable thing, is an absolutely normal practice for them.

• The advent of contraceptives

Sometimes it happens that parents accidentally find contraceptives in a teenager. As a rule, condoms are found most often in boys. But girls can also often find contraceptives - the same condoms, or even birth control pills.

This situation is twofold. On the one hand, there is nothing good in the fact that the child began to have sex too early. And it is quite natural that the very first desire of the parents will be the impulse to throw a terrible scandal with a showdown and the search for the perpetrators.

However, before you do this, try to calm down and think soberly. What will you achieve scandal? Virginity to your child will not return with all your desire. But the relationship, once again, can be ruined completely.

Psychologists recommend that parents pretend that they did not notice anything and ... rejoice. One can foresee the violent objections of the parents - they say, what is there to rejoice about? And the fact that your child turned out to be reasonable and far-sighted enough to take care of his safety. Not all teenagers, having begun a sexual life, think about their own safety in principle.

However, it’s also not worth relaxing at all - after all, your child is still quite young, and is unlikely to know about all the dangers that sexual relations may pose. Try to inadvertently make sure that the child receives all the necessary information. How you do it is not important. You can leave in a conspicuous place the relevant subject literature, for example.

Of course, this list of signs of a possible teenage crush is very arbitrary. Often, all these changes occur during adolescence, whether the child is in love or not. In addition, psychologists say that most of these signs should alert parents, especially the disappearance of money from home and the constant fluctuations in the emotional background of the child. In some cases, this may indicate that the child has quite serious problems, up to drug use.

In general, it is generally accepted that the more signs are collected, the higher the likelihood that the child is really in love. And very often the best way to find out is to ask the child an open question. But as you remember, if he does not want to answer him, you should not insist and try to get into the child’s soul - you can only push him away from you.

How should parents behave?

As you can see, love causes changes in teenagers almost always, and sometimes quite significant. How should parents respond to this situation? Let her take her course and not interfere? But it has already been said above that sometimes first love can lead to extremely sad consequences.

Interfere? However, even here pitfalls can lie in wait for parents - the child will consider that you do not trust him, or are overprotective. And this also often leads to various conflicts. Unfortunately, very often parents follow the path of least resistance - they simply forbid the child to communicate with the object of love. And they do not pay much attention to such trifles as a spoiled relationship with their own offspring, believing that everything will work out by itself.

However, such a tactic of behavior is far from the most correct. At first glance, everything can go completely without a trace. However, in reality this is not at all the case - the child simply - simply hides his resentment deep into the subconscious. And then, after many years, you should not be surprised - why does your child pay you “protocol” courtesy visits several times a year, writing off for terrible employment.

However, this is not the most unpleasant of all that such a line of behavior can turn into. As a rule, almost all children, without exception, in adulthood, becoming parents themselves, involuntarily, at the subconscious level, will repeat the line of behavior of their parents. And that means their mistakes.

In order to prevent such a situation, it is very important to behave correctly in this situation. There are several tips from a psychologist that will help parents behave correctly. So:

• Get to know your child's object of sympathy

If you are lucky and you know exactly who your child is in love with, try to get to know him. Advise the child to invite the chosen one or the chosen one home. And pay attention - there is absolutely no need to arrange a family dinner. Children are still too young, and therefore there is absolutely no point in arranging a “bride show”.

Acquaintance is necessary in order to get to know a person better. Very often, when meeting, it turns out that a person is actually much better than he seemed at first glance. And who knows, perhaps, behind the appearance of a cheeky girl with purple hair, there is a quite modest girl who is trying to fulfill herself in this way. And behind the appearance of a guy - a bully - a young man who catches every word and look of your daughter, ready to fulfill her every desire and protect her from the slightest danger.

• Meet your child's friends

In a very advantageous position are those parents who know the environment of their child. Try to get to know all, well, or almost all of his friends - and you will have at least a rough idea in what social circle your child rotates. So, you will already know approximately what to expect and what to prepare for.

However, be prepared for the fact that in order to get to know your child's friends, you will have to resort to a little trick. It is unlikely that the child will bring them to you one by one for acquaintance, as if for interrogation. But in the event that you organize a party for your son or daughter and their friends, you will surely have a great opportunity not only to see almost all your close people with your own eyes, but also to be known as understanding and, as the younger generation says, “advanced” parents.

However, remember that it is unlikely that children will be able to feel comfortable under your tireless control - give them a little bit of freedom. Stay for a while and go to the movies or visit - leave the teens alone. Trust me, nothing bad will happen to them. But your child will surely appreciate your trust in him, and will try in every possible way to justify him and not lose him. Yes, and such a small holiday will affect your relationship with your child in the most positive way.

• Refrain from criticism

It may well be that at the meeting you only make sure that you were right, and the second half of your child is very far from ideal. However, do not rush to tell your daughter that the guy is not worth her little finger, and your son that his girlfriend is just a dummy. Thus, you will not achieve anything, but only push the child away from you. Moreover, your child, in spite of you, will spend even more time with the object of sympathy, even if the interest passes by itself, in a natural way.

But talking frankly with the child will not be superfluous. Try to unobtrusively find out from your son or daughter what exactly attracted them so much in the chosen one or the chosen one. In no case do not ridicule the arguments of the child, but try to truly understand and accept them. Perhaps these arguments are not so naive and stupid.

• Don't take notes

Another very common mistake many parents make is turning a confidential conversation with their child into a banal lecture. Agree, few people will like the situation when he comes to a loved one with a desire to talk, but instead of advice, or at least understanding, he receives a moralizing sermon.

Therefore, no matter how hard it is for you to resist "soul-saving" conversations, in no case do not give in to the impulse. Be sure to listen to the child, try to give him really correct and useful advice if he needs it. Remember that the first love will pass quickly enough, but restoring the lost trust of the child is extremely difficult, and sometimes completely unrealistic.

• Let the child fill his "bumps"

Of course, no parent wants their child to have to make mistakes. And then pay for these mistakes, sometimes quite seriously. However, you should never do this! No matter how much you want it, you can’t just physically protect your child from all the dangers that may lie in wait for him on a long journey of life.

So maybe it really makes sense to give the child the opportunity to make mistakes and gain their own life experience, albeit a minimal one? At least until the child is next to you, and you will be able to provide him with the necessary assistance. And later, when the child grows up, it may happen that you cannot help him in such situations. So why take the risk and deprive the child of the opportunity to gain experience and grow up?

• Don't meddle in teen relationships

In no case should you ever try to make an effort to make young lovers quarrel. And, unfortunately, many parents practice a similar line of behavior. Intrigue, gossip, slander, slander - parents are ready to do anything to quarrel young people.

However, this is very fraught with negative consequences. If you try to turn your child against his significant other, and their relationship remains strong, you risk becoming enemy number one for both of them. And in this case, be prepared for the fact that you will be shunned and avoided in every possible way. The child will fully and completely try to protect his personal life from your presence.

The reaction to even the most innocuous question like “where are you going?” will only make the child want to snap. The child will begin to hide everything from you - his computer, phone, personal belongings. Very soon, family life will begin to resemble a battlefield, on which parents and a teenager will become opponents.

Such a turn of events is especially fraught for the daughter's parents, and for herself in the first place. Often there are cases when a girl deliberately becomes pregnant very early from her boyfriend, and as a result, at 15-16 years old, parents are forced to either give their permission for marriage, or even send their daughter for an abortion.

But this is not the best solution either. Firstly, the first abortion, and even at such an early age, has an extremely negative impact on the health of a woman, and on the functioning of her reproductive system in particular. You should not focus on the medical aspects - for sure everyone knows about them very well.

And secondly, your daughter is now going through an extremely difficult life period. Hormonal changes, and even the first love, are a real explosive mixture that makes a girl absolutely uncontrollable. She can simply - simply pack up and go to live with her young man. And consider that you are very lucky if your daughter's chosen one turns out to be a quiet boy who lives in a neighboring house, and you systematically meet his parents in the nearest store.

And if not? If you have a very vague idea what kind of person is the guy your daughter is in love with? What if he lives where he has to, earns extra money doing not very legal business, or does he hitchhike? Think - where will you look for your daughter in this case? But such stories, unfortunately, are not at all some kind of horror stories for parents, but they occur, and, alas, they are not so rare.

In the event that you still manage to achieve your goal and your son or daughter parted with their passion, they may blame you for this. Often, even after many years, this childish resentment makes itself felt - the child can periodically, as a rule, during quarrels or conflicts, remind you of this act of yours.

• Tell your child about your first love

If you categorically refuse to accept the choice of the child, remember that. That notations and moralizing in a conversation are in no case unacceptable. Therefore, try to go the other way - tell him about your first love. And do not skimp on words - tell us in as much detail as possible: about your feelings and emotions at that moment, about experiences, plans and hopes, about the first dates and the first kiss.

Try to speak as convincingly as possible so that the child feels the sincerity of your words. And then tell him how and why this love passed for you, how you met your true love - his second parent. Moreover, it is highly desirable that both parents, both mom and dad, tell about it.

Why is this needed, you ask? And with such stories, in any case, you will make the child involuntarily think about what. It is possible, and his first love is not forever. After all, the life of a child is just beginning - and who knows how it will develop further. However, in no case do not give examples from someone else's life - there is no point in pointing to a neighbor's girl who gave birth to a baby at 16 and is raising him alone. Such an example, most likely, the child will perceive as an ordinary regular “lecture” on the topic of morality.

• Boost your child's self-esteem

Most often, in order for the child to part with his passion, parents choose the following tactics: they begin to look for the slightest flaws in the beloved teenager. And be sure to vigorously discuss them among themselves, but so that the child hears about it. And sometimes the child is also constantly pointed to them.

But such a tactic is doomed to failure in advance - people in love usually notice little around. And even more so, they never see flaws in the object of their love. It just so happened. That love is generally very prone to idealizing a partner. Don't believe? Remember yourself at the peak of love.

What is love? What is its relationship with friendship? No one has yet given an exhaustive answer to these eternal questions. However, undoubtedly, these wonderful feelings play an extremely important role in shaping a person's personality throughout his life.

In psychology, there is a concept of love as a harmonious combination of sexual need and psychological intimacy. In an adult loving person, the feeling of physical pleasure during sexual intimacy and the need for psychological intimacy usually merge together.

In a teenager, these needs and feelings are separated, which leaves an imprint on his psychology and behavior. The concept of "pure" sublime love in adolescence very often does not coincide with the concept of sexual intimacy.

Many teenagers, especially girls, identify sexual intimacy with something "dirty", "shameful". In this, the established traditions and gaps in sexual education play an important role.

The objects of "love" and "sex" in a teenager most often do not coincide, hence, on the one hand, a simplified attitude towards sexual intimacy, and on the other hand, a desexualization of everything that concerns "real" love and the image of an ideal lover (or lover).

Puberty actively influences the formation of personality and behavior of a teenager. At first, the boy (or girl) is concerned about the timing of the appearance of secondary sexual characteristics. The consciousness that “it’s not the same for me as everyone else” is very often accompanied by a feeling of anxiety, emotional tension. With age, the criteria of “masculinity” (for boys) and “femininity” (for girls) become more relevant.

Especially difficult is the case with "masculinity". If for girls it is considered prestigious to be weak and “feminine”, then a feminized pampered boy causes condemnation among peers. Therefore, adolescents who are brought up without a father and in groups where there are no men (kindergartens, schools) gravitate towards sports sections and informal adolescent groups.

It is these groups-collectives that most often help the boy to establish himself in the male role. Overestimated criteria of "masculinity" are often compensated by adolescents with emphasized aggressiveness, rudeness, delinquency and contribute to the formation of informal asocial groups.

In the last two or three decades, there has been a trend towards the liberalization of sexual morality and an earlier onset of sexual activity among adolescents. Early puberty, the ever-increasing emancipation of adolescents, and the wide availability of semi-pornographic information on gender issues predispose to this.

An important feature of the process of puberty in adolescence is its "experimental" nature. The emerging sexual need is "explored" by the adolescent, which is accompanied by a large number of transient sexual deviations, close in form both to the norm and to pathology.

The gender psychological aspects of adolescent puberty should also be taken into account. In girls, puberty occurs earlier, which largely determines their attitude towards male peers. At the same time, erotic feelings in girls appear later and are somewhat different than in boys. An erotic feeling in a teenage girl is often preceded by a need for psychological intimacy with a boy, usually older than her.

In boys, puberty occurs later, but proceeds more rapidly. At a certain phase of puberty, boys are distinguished by hypersexuality, which, in turn, is accompanied by increased sexual excitability, an increase in erotic interests and fantasies. It should be noted that the earlier puberty begins, the more rapidly it proceeds and the faster it ends, and, conversely, with a late onset, puberty is delayed and is characterized by a more sluggish course.

In contact with

Almost every person was visited by love in adolescence. This is such a period of life when you want to be an adult and independent, independent, to do what you want. That is why, against the background of youthful ambitions, a number of difficulties, mistakes and disappointments arise.

First love in adolescence is, of course, a flurry of emotions. Boys and girls become the most vulnerable, vulnerable, although they try to bring sheer indifference to the surface. This is a kind of first step into adulthood, but rarely, when taking it, does not stumble. The thing is that along with independence, teenagers are faced with something unknown, new. It is at this age that love comes, the purest and most sincere, when neither wealth nor other values ​​are brought to the fore. Surely during this period of life, the saying was invented: "With a sweetheart and paradise in a hut."

In every person from an early age, the concept of love is laid. It is this feeling that surrounds him with his parents, grandparents. But when a person grows up, these feelings are not enough for him, he wants some kind of individual love that will be given only to him, and of course will be reciprocated. And it is very good if love is mutual, but if not? In addition, as you know, very rarely the first love is happy, usually it is sheer disappointment, tears in the pillow, and so on. In this case, parents should prepare their child.

Not teachers, not older friends, but dad and mom. Adults should not forget that in adolescence they fell in love, and it was hard for them, and they were no longer children. Therefore, the sooner parents have a conversation with their child, the better. Because this feeling appears differently for everyone, and it is impossible to predict the exact date of its arrival. Mom and dad need to talk to their child on an equal footing, as if with an adult. It is then that their words will be perceived by the teenager correctly, and not with hostility. After all, do not forget that at this time moralizing will have a mirror image.

Disappointments in first love can develop a number of complexes in a teenager, with which he can fight all his life. Therefore, the duty of parents is to protect, prepare him for entering a new, adult life. After all, those games that will appear before him will be completely different from the previous ones.

During this period of time, physiological changes occur in the body of girls and boys. They begin to pay attention to the opposite sex, and for each this attraction manifests itself in different ways. In boys, for example, sympathy is manifested in a rude form, one might even say in aggression towards the beloved girl. It is not for nothing that they pull the young women by the pigtails, throw papers at them, put lizards and frogs in them. This is a kind of manifestation of sympathy, although the girls are unlikely to fully understand its meaning.

But they like any attention, but those who did not get a stream of rudeness feel offended and try in any way to attract the attention of the boys, to provoke action. Teenagers feel mutual sympathy and try to spend more time with each other. So first friendship is born, and then love. Moms and dads often try to resist such relationships, protecting their child, supposedly prolonging their childhood. But this is not necessary at all.

The experience of communication between boys and girls is required, and if you exclude or isolate your child from such relationships, this may have a bad effect in the future. After all, speech at this age does not go at all about sexual relations. Rather, on the contrary, feelings of tenderness, care, and reverence are manifested here. These qualities simply need to be developed in adolescents. Falling in love in high school can be called an epidemic, because as soon as one couple appears, another immediately appears, followed by a third, and so on. As if no one wants to lag behind the team, but at the same time not to lose their independence and independence. Very often there are triangles, and even quadrangles of relations. And, of course, at this time, children need the advice of adults, their help and support.

In the modern world, relations between teenagers are much more democratic and frank. But, nevertheless, everyone experiences shyness at the first feelings. How to show signs of attention? How to approach? How to kiss? A series of questions is built in the subconscious of a teenager. And the sooner he gives an answer to them, the easier it will be for him to enter adulthood.

No matter how hard parents try to keep their children from making mistakes, the experience of disappointment is inevitable. Adolescents should "stuff themselves a bump" themselves, and then correct the situation. The child should be given a chance to make his own decision and in no case should he impose his opinion.

First love is one of the most important and most memorable events in a person's life. She remains in memory, regardless of whether she was happy, unhappy or unrequited. The experiences associated with the first love are vivid and dramatic.

First love is remembered because it is the first emotional attachment to a person from the surrounding society and a teenager who does not belong to the family. This is his personal choice without regard to his parents. In fact, this is the very first step beyond the redistribution of the family circle, and therefore a step into independence.

In addition to hormones and, awakened against their background, the sexual desire of a teenager is captured by emotions of unprecedented strength. He feels a surge of empathy, a desire to take care of a loved one, he bathes in attention from another. And of course, all this happens for the first time. Many moments of first love are remembered for a lifetime. They are the first, never before experienced and this novelty will never be experienced again. The first kiss will never be repeated, there will be a second, third, hundredth. But everything will not be the same as the first time. Teenage love is often talked about as a kind of pure feeling, and, in part, this is true. Sociologist Laura Carpenter, in one of her books, explains this opinion by saying that a person is in love for the first time, and he does not have the experience of a broken heart. He does not believe in the possibility that the happiness he hopes for will not happen. Yes, the first relationship may not be the best, but the teenager has nothing to compare them with, and whatever it is, for him, his first partner is the best.

In the first stage of love, which is popularly called the "candy-bouquet period", teenagers very often idealize their object of love. This is also the case for adults. However, adults already have some experience and it happens that they themselves have unsuccessful connections and relationships behind their backs. Even during the period of idealization, they look at their new partner candidate with a degree of caution. A teenager often falls in love like a puppy. Yes, many people see some negative qualities in their friend or girlfriend, but they ignore or justify them. This often happens even when there is violence from one of the partners in the relationship.

The first partner has a very big influence on how a person’s personal relationships will continue to be built. What matters is whether the love was happy or not. Mutual love usually has a very positive effect on a person's feelings in society and his self-esteem. And unhappy...

As Tolstoy said: "All happy families are happy in the same way, but all unhappy families are unhappy in different ways." This phrase is not only about families, but also about people who are in a relationship. One of the high school surveys in the United States, conducted by Carl E. Picard, showed that only 15% of the children surveyed experienced their first mutual love with deep positive experiences. Everyone else has a relationship that is now aptly described with the phrase "everything is difficult for me." That is, the percentage of happy and mutual love between teenagers is not so high. Others experience varying degrees of dissatisfaction with their relationship.

Teens don't always start dating because they're in love. For them, relationships are not only feelings, but also a sign of socialization, maturation, success and competition. Often, special importance is attached to the status of a partner in a teenage team, its capabilities and connections. Having a boyfriend or girlfriend, even formally, increases self-esteem, and he occupies a significant position in the peer group. It happens that teenagers even conspire among themselves to “walk together” in order to create the appearance of well-being.

But, for sure, everyone knows and has examples before their eyes that people with a complete collapse of their first love subsequently found a wonderful partner and "lived happily ever after." And there are those who carry the first unsuccessful experience of relationships throughout their lives. Much depends on whether a teenager can evaluate their failed relationship in a constructive way. After all, first love is not only pure joy without the experience of failure. There is also a place for heartache. For many, the end of a first relationship is another experience of loss. Teenagers realize even more deeply that there is no unconditional love when you are loved by default. You can lose your partner for no reason. He may simply change his mind or prefer another. And here nothing can be done, but only to accept the state of affairs.

What do teenagers get out of this?

Some understand that such is life and are again looking for a heart friend, correcting the mistakes of first love and relationships. Others endure the conviction that the world is unfair to them and they will never be desired. They were pushed away, and the fear of repeating this situation haunts them for the rest of their lives. Often they are looking for a partner similar to their first love and try to close and resolve an unresolved problem. This does not bring happiness to the majority, often everything results in stepping on the same rake.

At a high risk of such an outcome of first love, children who did not experience emotional warmth from their parents. Longing for unconditional and accepting love and affection pours out on a friend or girlfriend. They often rush blindly into new relationships and idealize their partner especially strongly. Not all partners are ready to endure the pressure of such feelings, and not everyone just wants it. Separation for this reason, or even for reasons common to all teenagers, hurts children who are raised without the warmth of attention in the family. Such teenagers are more likely to get into relationships with violence, justify the rapist and extremely resist all attempts of others to help them establish a personal life.